Finding Kate
by Aphina
Summary: Leaving was one of the hardest things she had to do but it was nothing compared to coming back. S1 onwards.
1. Chapter 1: Golden Parachute

Chapter One : Golden Parachute

_Maybe you were all faster than me_

_We gave each other up so easily _

_These silly little wounds will never mend_

_I feel so far from where I've been _

_Vanessa Carlton – White Houses _

The heat was stifling, much more ferocious than I was used to. The Miami sun beamed down across the Everglades, making the swamp water shimmer under its glare. I climbed out of the Hummer, my crime scene kit clutched in my free hand as I yanked it from the passenger seat and out the driver's side along with me, before shutting the door of the Hummer and focusing on the scene in front of me.

Strips of metal jutted out of the water along with floating debris and the metallic skeleton of half a plane. Oil glistened on the water mixing in with god knows what else was in the swamp. Beyond the yellow crime scene tape, a medical point was already being erected along with a storage place for various masses of the debris.

Fumes from the wreckage was already clouding the air as people rushed to and from the various vehicles in order to respond to the chaos that was ensuing. A flicker of red hair swept into my vision as the tall gangly man barked orders, he was the calm amidst of the shit storm that was going down at the minute.

I had to admit the title Lieutenant suited Horatio Caine very well.

Pale blue eyes rose as he held his sunglasses between his fingers, speaking quickly to the Hispanic man, clad in a tight black wet suit at his side. His gaze fixed on me just outside the tape, for a second I was frozen in time.

It had been over a year now since we'd last exchanged apologies over a closed casket. The memory still stuck with me. Horatio's freckled hands taking mine and wishing me luck, telling me it wasn't too late to change and get myself out.

After Ray's death I took his words to heart, it cut too deep seeing someone I loved and respected being put in the ground. The job was always going to be dangerous but people had a tendency to feel invulnerable but eh evidence was there when my eyes read over the tombstone. If it could happen to someone as careful as Ray, it could certainly happen to me.

"Kate Callahan. You're looking well." Horatio's throaty voice broke through my thoughts.

Horatio Caine was standing on the other side of the crime scene tape. His sunglasses perched on his nose, his hands resting on his hips pushing his suit jacket out of the way.

"You too Horatio, I have to say it looks like we've got quite the job on our hands." I remarked, ducking under the tap to stand along side him.

My sapphire blue eyes strayed over the wreckage trying to take in the full potential of the scene in front of us.

"I heard about the fire, how are you doing?" Horatio asked, bowing his head.

"Better than I was. The ankle's healed up now, so there's no problems with my physical fitness. I was lucky getting out of the undercover game when I did. The new boss Capo Tina Fiumara apparently had plans to whack me long before the trial came up, so I guess I have you to thank for telling me to get out before it happened." I informed him with a small smile.

"You did that all by yourself Kate." Horatio murmured, returning the smile.

There was a few seconds of silence between the two of us, both lost in the memories that bound us.

"So what have we got? I know it's a plane crash and we were first response…" I began.

Both of us fell into step as Horatio took me further into the wreckage of the crime scene.

"Miami to Washington flight crash landed less then an hour ago in the Dade. Pour priority is survivors. I've got Eric Delko out there searching, we picked up a guy but we just lost him. There were eight passengers on this flight and two pilots; so far we have three bodies." Horatio yelled over the noise of the airboat as it shot past.

"How are we playing this?" I called back as the noise died down.

"I want everyone to dose up on antibiotics. Twenty minute shifts out there on the water. Bag, tag, and flag, everything. I want no mistakes and everything collected. Double glove and we need to move quickly the crime scene is degrading as we speak." Horatio told me, pausing by the near by airboat as the Hispanic man climbed off it.

"You know how I love getting thrown in the deep end." I reminded Horatio as I took a hairclip out of my kit and twisted my chocolate coloured hair up off the nape of my neck, clipping it in place.

"Kate Callahan, this is Eric Delko. He specialises in underwater recovery. Eric, Kate's joining us at the Crime Lab." Horatio introduced me to the tall, wet suit clad man.

Eric gave me a warm, boyish grin before pulling a face.

"I'd shake your hand but I've just come out of the swamp." Eric chuckled.

His voice was rich and his tone playful. I found myself liking him already.

"So you ready to get back on that thing and give me a tour of the Everglades?" I asked, before crouching down next to my kit and put two pairs of gloves on before rising to my feet again.

"Anything for a beautiful woman." Eric winked, gesturing for me to climb aboard.

"Flattery will get you nowhere Mr Delko." I returned playfully.

I caught a glance of Horatio smiling as I grabbed my kit and climbed onto the airboat, Delko, seconds behind me.

"You take good care of her Eric." Horatio called out watching us from the shore as the driver started the airboat engine.

"She's in good hands H." Eric promised as the airboat began to move beneath me.

I wobbled for a second before literally falling into my seat.

"I bet that looked graceful." I muttered, shifting to straighten myself in the seat.

I reached down and took my Crime Scene camera from it's case.

"This your first time on one of these things?" Delko smirked from his standing position.

"Would you believe me if I said no?" I told him, pursing my lips together.

"You sure had me fooled." Delko commented as the airboat began to draw to a halt.

"It has been years, the last time I lived Miami." I said without thinking.

"So you're a resident to Miami? I thought you and Horatio seemed to know each other." Eric said as he sat on the edge of the airboat preparing to wade in.

"I lived in New York for a few years before I decided to come back here and start afresh." I told him, checking the film in my camera.

I glanced up feeling Eric's dark eyes on me. I frowned feeling self conscious as he stared at me surprised.

"What?"

"Your Kate Callahan?!" he explained.

"And your Eric Delko remember? You were right there when Horatio introduced us! I think you've been in this water way too long. It's screwing with your head." I told him, feeling very concerned about his mental state.

"No your Kate Callahan form New York City." Eric persisted.

"I just told you that. I'm serious; I think this water has given you some mental defect. How long have you been in it.?" I asked, debating whether to ask the driver to turn the airboat around or not.

"You were working undercover for years gathering evidence against the Genovese family. Did they really…" Eric trailed off realizing what his next words were.

I pursed my lips together grimly.

"Burn down my house, and attempt to shoot me in the head? Yeah those things really happened." I muttered, looking out into the Everglades.

"Hey I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" I cut him off, with a shake of my head.

"Don't worry about it, you're not the first and you won't be the last."

"You're the stuff legends are made out of in the cop world. An entire crime family based on your evidence is a huge bust." Eric uttered, I could see the awe on his face and I hated it.

"Believe it or not I came down to Miami for a little downtime. I needed something new but familiar. I guess I wanna be someone else for a while." I shrugged before spotting something pink beyond the line of the reeds.

"Eric I think that's a hand." I stated calmly.

Eric's face turned serious as he lowered himself into the water and sifted towards it. I raised my eyes towards the cloudless sky.

It was going to be a long shift.

* * *

I was back on the ground, standing just inside the command post, battling with my new Crime scene camera, trying to jam the film in when a pair of hands darted into my vision taking the camera from me.

I looked up to find myself staring into deep doe brown eyes. The guy in question held up the camera and slotted the film in with professional precision.

"You were gonna break it, jamming it in like that." He stated in a deep husky voice.

I took the camera from his hands gratefully.

"Thanks it's been a long time since I had to change the film in one of these things." I said gesturing with the camera.

"You should probably put it down while you're talking." The dark haired guy informed me with a smirk.

I gave him a pained smile before setting the camera down on the table next to me.

"It's nice to see you again Speedle. It's been a long time."

"Yea Kate it has…" he hesitated before letting out a deep sigh. "What are you doing here?"

I lifted the hem of my white shirt to show him the badge.

"I work here now." I said softly.

Speedle raised his eyebrows at the sight of the badge and gun before clenching his jaw and turning his head away to stare at the Crime Scene.

"Should you be taking on Mob bosses or undercover somewhere?"

It was more Speedle's tone rather than his words that cut me. I crossed my arms over my chest

"You know, it really turns me on when you're being mean." I shot back.

Tim's head snapped towards me, his eyes like burning coals.

"You still haven't changed have you?"

I opened my mouth to respond before finding myself interrupted by a dark curly haired woman.

"Everything ok here Tim?" she asked, her eyes fixed on me.

It was clear as she gave me the once over she didn't like what she was seeing.

"Yea, I'm just going over my findings so far Megan." He muttered handing her the clipboard he'd set down on the table during our confrontation.

Megan however was still focused on me.

"And you are?"

I took a deep breath before giving Megan a fake smile.

"Kate Callahan, Horatio's new CSI." I said holding my hand out to shake hers.

Megan stared at my hand before crossing her arms over her chest.

"Horatio didn't tell me he was hiring anyone new." Megan studied me suspicious.

"Well I didn't just wander into a crime scene for the hell of it." I informed her defensively.

"I didn't say you did." Megan returned.

"But that's what you implied."

Beside Megan, Tim rolled his eyes.

"Hey you!" I heard Calleigh's drawled greeting before I saw her coming.

I twisted my body toward the sound smiling to see the blond Southern Belle, grinning as she bounced towards me.

"I haven't seen you in ages…"

"You found the bullet that killed the pilot yet Calleigh?" Megan interrupted.

Calleigh's expression turned to one of cool professionalism as she turned her attention to Megan.

"I'm still looking, although I did find damage to the plane's door." Calleigh confirmed.

Megan ran her hand through her hair nodding.

"Tim and Kate, I want you both to take the door. Calleigh keep working on that bullet…"

"No offence Megan, but Horatio wanted me working with Delko trying to find those black boxes from the plane." Tim informed Megan.

"Well I want you working on that door now; I'll take it up with Horatio." Megan finished.

Tim narrowed his eyes and his jaw tightened. He wasn't the only one that was not amused.

* * *

We were standing in front of the huge glass chamber watching as the gas flooded into it, shrouding the door with its cloudy texture; it would take a while for the finger prints to surface.

Speedle's continuous pacing behind me was beginning to get on my nerves. Ever since Megan had paired us together, the silence had been oppressing and overbearing.

"Look it only takes one of us to stand here and watch. You wanna go look for the black boxes with Delko be my guest. I'll cover for you if Megan appears." I offered.

Tim fixed is gaze on me, studying my face.

"You think she's a bitch don't you?" he stated.

I shrugged.

"Those words didn't come out of my mouth." I reminded him.

"It's written all over your face." Tim returned.

"I don't like the fact she undermined Horatio's authority." I told him.

"She used to run the Crime Lab. She knows what she's doing."

"Used to…" I repeated.

"You can't just waltz in here and judge people like that." Tim continued, scowling.

I turned to look at the expression on his face. He was being extremely protective which wasn't unlike him.

"You are taking his far too personally." I remarked meeting his gaze.

Tim shook his head in disgust before spinning on his heel and slamming the door on the way out.

Some things never changed.

* * *

"That new girl's really something." Delko grinned as he and Speed strolled towards the home of the two anglers who'd called in the plane crash.

Speed's gaze took in the surrounding area, spying the angler being held by one of the Detectives.

"Can we not talk about Kate Callahan and focus on the job at hand?" he growled as they proceeded through the property.

"How can you not want to talk about her? She's hot and she put her life on the line to take down one of the Five Families. That was a massive take down; she got a medal for it. She's like every cop's wet dream." Delko informed Speed excitedly.

Speed stopped just out of earshot of anyone drawing Delko to a halt beside him.

"Ok, that is just perverse. Stop talking about her, you sound like her fan boy or something and it's annoying." Speed spoke directly.

Delko frowned, before studying his friend curiously.

"What's going on with you? Ever since you've arrived on this scene you've been acting like you've got something shoved up your ass. I know Megan coming back is a big deal for you, and that you and Shawn were close, but there is no need for you to lash out at people. Everyone is having a tough time with this scene so just back off and cool down…"

"You know I don't really have time for this right now. We're supposed to be working on a case, and that's what I'd like to focus on." Speed told the younger man before storming off to give the angler hell.

* * *

"So what do we have?" Tim swept into the lab surprising me as I stared at the plane door in front of me.

"Scott Sommer's hand print on the door. Christina's on either side of the frame. I think we're gonna have to do a reconstruction to figure out whether Scott's story rings true. You find the boxes?" I asked giving him a sidelong glance.

Tim was standing along side me now. His arms crossed over his broad chest. His eyes aptly studying the door in front of him. I could see the cogs turning in his head as he spoke.

"One of the angler's took it to sell on eBay." He told me, shaking his head.

"You're shitting me?!" I exclaimed.

Tim turned his head towards me, the familiar amused smirk spreading across his handsome features.

"I could not make this shit up."

I found myself caught up in the moment, smiling despite myself before reality set in again. Tim's walls shut down again as he returned his gaze to the door. There was an awkward silence for a moment, before I broke it.

"So you wanna go through the reconstruction?"

"I'll be Scott, you be Christina?"

"You're too big to be Christina." I remarked playfully before getting into position by the door. "So Scott said that Christina committed suicide and her hand marks are on either side of the door so…"

I leaned my body forward, so I was facing the door, and put a hand on either side of the frame to simulate Christina's possible position. I felt Tim's presence behind me, and ignored the heat that was rushing through my body.

"Scott Sommer's hand prints where here," Tim put his hand on the door, and then put his other hand on the opposite side of me, grasping the handle.

His body was pressed up against mine; I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. I bit my lip relishing the closeness of the moment as deep set memories I tried to bury stirred within me.

"You know…I used to really like getting you in this position." He murmured into my ear.

I shuddered against him remembering the feel of his skin against mine, hot and flushed as he brought me closer…

"Did you just shudder?" he asked loudly.

I froze, my body going rigid in shock as he drew away. I was chastising myself for letting him get that close again. I took a deep breath to steady myself, before turning to face him.

Tim' eyes were on me wide and intense.

"You were thinking about sex." He accused.

"I was not thinking about sex, I don't think about sex while I'm working. I'm a good girl besides you started it with the whole murmuring in my ear thing." I snapped, wrapping my arms around myself defensively.

"I was making a comment." I narrowed my eyes at his words.

"You know what stuff like that does to me, especially when you say it in 'that' tone." I reminded him.

"What 'tone'?"

I glared at him.

"You know what tone." I growled.

"Can we at least get back to work now, or do you wanna cool off somewhere for a while?" he smirked.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from swearing at him.

"We know it obviously didn't happen that way. You'd have palm prints, instead there's only finger prints." Tim recounted, studying the door yet again.

"Which would mean her back was to the door." I concluded moving into position again.

This time my back was to the door. My hands were gripping either side of the door frame.

"That matches up where her prints were but what about his?" Tim spoke to himself, as he leaned forward, placing his hand where Scott's had been against the door, and then his other hand gripping the door handle.

His body was pushed up against mine again, the fabric of our clothes the only thing between the two of us. Our faces inches apart, as he looked into my eyes. His were deep, sullen and intense.

"I liked this position better, I could see your face when you…" I breathed in a low tone.

I heard Tim's deep intake of breath as he jerked himself away, his expression one of complete surprise.

"Hey, if you're allowed to use the 'tone' then so am I." I smirked before turning my back on him and staring at the door, trying to calm my own racing heart.

"I think it's safe to say that this wasn't a suicide, Scott Sommer's opened that door." I confirmed with a small sigh.

"That's because ladies and gentleman Christina was about to do the right thing." I span to see Horatio leaning in the doorway, his eyes on the two of us.

I wondered how long he'd been standing there, how much he'd seen or heard.

"Christina knew where all the bodies were buried; she sent a letter to Washington ahead of the flight, blowing the whistle on the company executives." Horatio continued.

Tim crossed his arms over his chest, nodding as he digested this evidence.

"That's a clear motive for murder."

"The problem is though that we don't have the evidence that backs that up. I think it's time to recreate the crime scene." Horatio informed us before sweeping out of the room to notify the others of our next location.

There was a stunned silence as Tim and I starred at the place he previously occupied.

"Do you think he…."

Tim cut me off.

"I'd say there's a very realistic possibility that he did."

"Ok…" I muttered. "So no using the tone, we just got caught up in the moment. That sound like a good solution to you?"

Tim nodded his agreement.

"We will not use or speak of it again. Deal?" I looked at Tim pointedly.

"You know I wouldn't have done it, if you hadn't decided to come back here." He informed me.

"Well I can't change that. Your gonna have to learn to live with it." I returned.

"Until you next disappear of course." He shot back.

His eyes were on me, his gaze now cold and steely. A lesser person would have shivered underneath it. I held my ground; I would not apologize for my previous actions.

"We've got a re-creation to get to." I muttered.

I brushed past, trying to keep my temper from flaring as I followed Horatio's path through the Crime Lab.

* * *

The skyline was darkening as we stood there in place staring at the body swinging from the concentrate beam in front of us. The noose tied tightly around its neck, as the uniforms hurried to cut it down.

"If he'd done it earlier nine other people lives would have been saved." I commented dryly, shaking my head when we made it back to the lab.

"People like that are selfish. I feel like I saved the wrong guy." Eric admitted as we stood on the steps leading up to the Crime Lab.

I patted his shoulder gently.

"You can't control the circumstances you were thrown into, you did the best with what you had Eric, no one knew that he was the killer. At the end of the day, he got what he deserved. There's no two ways about it. You did the right thing." I told him sympathetically.

"Thanks, that means a lot. Hey… I was wondering do you want to go for a Mojito, maybe get you know each other a little better if your gonna be sticking with us in the Crime lab." Eric's smile was one of utmost innocence.

I brushed my loose hair behind my ear, feeling my cheeks colour a little. It had been a long time since guy had asked me out, without an agenda.

"You mind if I take a rain check. I have plans tonight." I told him, with a small smile.

Eric grinned, bowing his head before meeting my gaze.

"I just made a mistake here didn't I?" he asked, his hazel eyes on me as I looped my thumbs into my trouser pockets.

I looked away nodding.

"Yea but I can forget about it. It was nice of you to ask." I told him, still focusing on the yellow Ducati parked up next to the curb.

"Hey, you're a pretty girl, it would be rude not to." He teased before continuing. "I'll guess I'll see you tomorrow Kate." Delko waved at me as he treaded towards his car looking slightly downcast.

"I feel like I've kicked a puppy." I muttered to myself as Tim stepped up next to me.

"I wouldn't feel too bad about it. Delko likes to play the field. He'll bounce back, so you really got plans tonight?" Tim gave me a sidelong glance as I rolled my eyes at him.

"I knew you were standing there all along you know and yes I do really have plans." I told him getting my keys out of my hand bag.

Tim bowed his head and nodded before walking down the steps in front of me.

"See you around Kate."

"You too Tim."

* * *

**_I'm tryng something new here, so feel free to let me know what you think!_**


	2. Chapter 2: To Make A House A Home

Chapter Two: To Make A House A Home

_Well, I never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me_

_  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you_

_A Fine Frenzy – Almost Lover_

I stood in the centre of the room taking in the amount of cardboard boxes stacked around me and the labels written on them. I'd showered as soon as I'd gotten in from the scene and changed into my favourite set of grey jogging bottoms and a black strap top. I sipped from the beer bottle in my hand, before setting it down on top of one of the unopened boxes and picking up the photo album that rested in the box I'd opened earlier this morning.

Dropping down onto the sofa I flicked it open, feeling a lump in my throat as I looked down at the pictures in front of me.

My chocolate coloured hair was longer here, my head tipped back as I leaned against Tim, laughing at something he was whispering in my ear.

There was pain deep in my chest as I turned the page. The picture was side on. Tim's back was pressed against the tree we used to sit under at Columbia, a book in his hand. His brow furrowed as he concentrated on reading.

I felt my fingers brushed over it, as I swallowed hard and pursed my lips before flicking the page.

Tim was kissing the top of my head, his eyes closed as he held me close; my arms were wrapped around his waist, my hair long and loose in waves down my back. He looked handsome in the black suit. It was the graduation ball. A week before all hell broke loose and I'd "disappeared".

God we'd been so happy back then.

I reached out for the beer to drown out the hurt and the bitterness that was swilling around inside me. I knocked back the alcoholic liquid, draining the bottle. I'd fucked up with Speedle. I'd got stuck in position when I'd choose him or the job and although I'd chosen him, it didn't make it any better or any easier to explain.

I raked my hands through my shoulder length hair as I leaned over the photo album, my eyes lingering on his smiling face, making my chest ache even more.

God I wished I could tell him.

There was a sudden knocking on the door, bringing me out of my misery. I set the empty beer bottle back on the box I was using for a table. I rested the photo album aside on the arm of the couch, before grabbing my gun off the mantle piece as I rose to my feet. It was a habit that hadn't died from my undercover days. Even now after the trial and the attack on me and my home I only felt safe answering the door with a gun in my hand.

I looked through the peep hole before taking off the chain and opening the door and smiling at the sight of Horatio Caine before me. Sunglasses in one hand, bag of what smelled like Cuban take away in the other. I found myself smiling.

"You shouldn't have." I told him, opening the door to let him in.

Horatio eyed the gun in my hand before closing the door behind him.

"Old habits die hard." He stated as I set the gun on the table next to the front door.

"They do." I returned, taking the bag of take away from his hand and leading him into the spacious and box filled living room.

"I'm impressed, you have wonderful home here." Horatio stated, his eyes taking in the various items I'd unpacked around the room.

"I'm still living out of boxes at the minute, but I fell in love with the house when I saw it. With the insurance money I could afford it." I said with a warm smile, as I routed through one of the kitchen boxes for a set of plates.

"If I'd known you were coming over I would have changed into something a little more classy." I teased.

"No need, your part of the family." Horatio remarked as he poised himself on the sofa.

I felt my cheeks colour at his words before I pulled out two clean plates from the box. I moved through to the kitchen to dish out the Cuban dishes Horatio had chosen.

"I see you've still remembered my favourites." I remarked as I walked into the living room, a plate in each hand.

The photo album rested in Horatio's lap, as he flicked through it almost gingerly. He looked up as I spoke with a small smile.

"You both look happy here." He commented, before setting the photo album back on the arm of the sofa.

"We were." I said sadly, handing him his plate and cutlery, before dropping onto the sofa myself.

"Not so much now though." It was a statement rather than a question.

"He can't forgive me for leaving six years ago." I shrugged, keeping my eyes fixed on my plate.

"You know, I think he's just probably still in shock that you've walked back into his life. Stuff like this stirs up old feelings and Speed's a private man he likes to be control, he probably feels out of his depth." Horatio spoke quietly as we both sat, chewing on our food.

"It wasn't easy to walk away Horatio." I told him.

"It never is." He countered.

There was a comfortable silence between us for a few minutes.

"You still visit Ray's grave?" I asked thoughtfully, raising to my feet and taking Horatio's empty plate from him.

"Once a week, like clock work." He informed me, wiping at his mouth with a napkin.

"I thought so..." I smiled grimly.

"I'm going on Sunday, you can join me if you'd like." Horatio said softly as I put the plates in the sink and returned to the doorway over looking the living room.

"I'd like that." I replied as Horatio rose to his feet.

I gave him a quizzical look as he took off his black suit jacket and let it fall to the couch before rolling up the sleeves on his charcoal coloured shirt.

"What are you doing?" I asked tilting my head.

"I'm going to help you unpack. Make this place into a home instead of a house." He told me good natured.

I found myself grinning.

"Ray said that to me when I first arrived in New York, and he helped me unpack into my first apartment." The words slipped out.

I saw Horatio bow his head with a small smile.

"Ray said a lot of things didn't he." Horatio murmured.

I found myself staring at my hands.

"Yea he did…Horatio can I ask you something?" I blurted out suddenly.

Horatio raised his watery eyes to me, studying my face; already know what was coming next.

"Do you think Ray's still alive?" I asked into the silence.

Horatio looked away at one of the pictures I'd already set on the mantelpiece, it was of Ray and me sitting at Horatio's kitchen table. We were laughing, at something I remembered Horatio saying.

"We went to his funeral."

"It was a closed casket." I responded.

"He was shot in the head." Horatio countered.

"So they say." I pointed out.

I watched as a small smirk crossed Horatio's features, it was one of satisfaction.

"I'm glad I've got a CSI like you on my team. The truth is. I don't know whether he's alive or not. Sometimes that's harder than believing he's actually dead." Horatio confided, as he let out a sigh.

"I asked around the FBI before I left but if anyone knew something, they were hiding it well. I miss him you know…The big brother I never had." I smiled shaking my head. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

Horatio's eyes met mine.

"And hope." He ended

"There's always hope." I reminded him, before picking up a pair of scissor's and slicing open the tape on the box in front of me before reaching out and handing them to Horatio, so he could do the same.

"That's what I keep telling myself anyway." I admitted.

"How's normal life?" Horatio inquired as he started taking various items out of the box and unwrapping them.

"It's scary… You know coming back to all this after being under for so long. Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am any more. The Kate Callahan that I knew before I went undercover is well and truly gone now and when I look in the mirror there's someone completely different. I feel like I'm just hollow at the moment, like I'm trying to learn things about myself and I just feel constantly surprised because I'm not playing a role anymore. I'm being me." I admitted unwrapping a set of crystal wine glasses.

"You were in deep for a long time, I always think it's harder on the young ones, you haven't had enough time to learn your place in the world before your being told to be someone else. You just need to find your place again and hopefully it's here with the people that consider you family." Horatio's words were reassuring and touched me deeply.

"I really hope it's here Horatio." I confessed, taking out more cutlery form the bottom of the box and setting it on the coffee table.

Horatio nodded as I looked up, a stack of books in his arms. His liquid blue eyes sincere as his gaze locked on mine.

"Me too Kate."

* * *

The bar was crowded as Tim sat there amongst the patrons, perched on a bar stool. A bottle of beer was clenched in his hand as he took another swig of it, trying to drown out the thoughts and feelings that clattered around his head.

Kate's return had thrown everything up in the air and he hated that she still had the ability to affect him in such away. Just being near her brought back feelings he'd spent the last six years attempting to bury.

Things were different now than they used to be. She couldn't fit back into his life any more, that space was taken, he'd found somebody else to fill it. He'd changed over the past six years, he'd been through things she could barely comprehend and when he looked at her, she still appeared to be the same Kate he'd met at Columbia, but he knew deep down inside that Kate had changed too.

Seeing her again scared him more than he'd like to admit, it took him back to when she'd disappeared. His memories of that time were dark and confusing, filled with a deep longing and an almost crippling depression.

Tim drained the last of his beer.

Those days were over now. He had someone else.

* * *

_**Wow I am surprised to see such a fantastic response! Thank you all! A lot of the chaps are gonna focus on eps from the series, but as usual I have a few tricks up my sleeve so stick with me.**_

_**Also another little tidbit. I am trying to update as quickly as possible but I have work and the last two weeks of uni deadlines, so you may have to wait a little bit but after May 6**__**th**__**, I'm all yours!**_

_Bluehaven: you took my review virginity! Lol Anyway This is a newbie piece. I'm trying out a new OC, with a new background and I have lots of plans for her. Thank you so much for your kind words. Poor Tim may have a tough time ahead! I am not a Megan fan either, there's just something too serious about her. Hopefully they'll be a lot more of this!_

_BrowneyedGirl: My ever faithful supporter! I just knew he'd try something esp with the way he is in the first series, I hope I'll keep on coming up with more little Speed lines like that, we'll have to see. Lol Thankies I hope I manage to keep this one going. Lol Can see it turning into another SD._

_Laplandgurl: Howdy! Megan and Kate butt heads because Kate doesn't like the fact she undermines H, and Kate senses there's more to Megan than meets the eye. Lol As for Speed and Kate, you will get little glances into it until they have a talk. And we'll definitely be seeing how she knows the other two. Canon is hard but I love writing Kate and Speed because they just bounce off each other._

_Mauveine: It's great to see you getting into this story. I've always been a huge fan of Speeds, and seeing him and Carmen in Brown's story really pushed me into doing something I've been thinking about for a while. Lol I hope you keep finding this enjoyable._

_Cheymon: It's nice to meet you again. Let's hope you don't have to wait too long for the next chapter. I have it all stored in my head but a I said deadlines are plaguing me. Thanks for the review._

_Maddy: You really know how to make a girl feel appreciated lol Different can be good. I think when all my deadlines are over I may start proper writing again, I don't have enough brain space at the moment!_

_Photogirl: It's nice to meet you too! I'd love to continue this and I have lots of plans for it so if you guys keep reading I'll keep writing._

_Daisy: It's nice to se you interested in this piece, thanks for the review and I hope you keep enjoying it._


	3. Chapter 3: Losing Face

Chapter Three: Losing Face

_And you couldn't see,_

_The wood from the tree_

_You're eyes are unkind,_

_So don't look at me._

_And all that you know,_

_Is written in stone._

_One by One_

_I suffer you badly,_

_One by One_

_You're all I don't need_

_Unkle Bob – One by One_

The break room was bursting with energy as I stepped inside, yawning, as I tied my hair back into a sleek pony tail. Horatio was flicking through channels on the T.V as Eric made coffee in the machine. Its scent was heavenly. Calleigh was sitting down flicking through a magazine as Speedle knocked back his bottle of water.

"Who was keeping you awake last night?" Eric grinned at me as I rubbed my hands on my face, grabbing a can of coke out of the fridge to give me a caffeine boost.

"They were cardboard boxes, I lost track of time unpacking and forgot to set the alarm this morning." I groaned, peering over Eric's shoulder as he stirred the strong black coffee.

"That smells fantastic." Calleigh said as Eric drifted past her towards Horatio, the scent of the coffee following.

"It'll rot your stomach." Tim remarked, moving towards the sink to refill his bottle.

"Just like that shirt will burn out your eyes." I chimed, causing Delko and Calleigh to snigger.

Tim tilted his head towards me with a look of severe distain.

"I happen to dress against the social norms of modern society." Tim informed me, turning his attention back to his water bottle.

"You look like a cross between a homeless guy and a tourist." I told him, before sipping my can.

"Isn't someone full of witty one liners this morning?" Tim sniped before turning his full attention to me.

"That's what I was really doing last night, coming up with these little gems to throw at unsuspecting criminalists." I retorted with a bright smile.

Tim rolled his eyes before dropping into a seat at the table.

I moved towards Horatio and Eric frowning at the sight of the TV.

"It's on every channel." Horatio murmured, as we watched the live news footage of the Bomb Squad pulling up in Coconut Grove.

"Bombers in Miami, no wonder the media are going nuts." I responded, folding my arms over my chest, can still clenched in one hand.

"You wanna go for a ride?" I turned my head to Horatio surprised.

"Yea sure. I'll grab my kit and then meet you by the Hummer." I told him before draining my can of coke and rushing out of the door.

* * *

"I didn't know they made body armour in Triple Extra Large." Horatio grinned at the older dark skinned man across from him as he spoke.

"They make jockstraps in it too but you wouldn't know anything about that either." The other man beamed before stepping up to Horatio and embracing him tightly.

I let out a surprised snigger at his words as they pulled away.

"You liked that one huh?" The broad shouldered man's eyes were on me, twinkling with humour.

"Someone's gotta put him in his place once in a while." I responded.

"I like her." The Bomb Tech announced jerking his thumb at me as he spoke to Horatio.

"Kate, this is Al. Al was my mentor in the bomb squad. Kate's my new CSI." Horatio introduced us.

Al stuck his hand out taking mine firmly in his large one.

"It's nice to meet someone who can keep the old man on his toes." Al joked before returning his attention to the real reason we were here.

"If you excuse me I have a bomb to disarm, we can do all the catching up stuff later." Al told us as his eyes roved to the house.

"Good luck in there." I called after him as Horatio took an X-ray of the bomb's interior from another tech called Bill.

"That guy really is something." I said to Horatio, leaning closer to get a glimpse of the bomb X-ray.

"What are we looking at?" I asked, looping my thumbs into the back pockets of my black trousers.

Horatio opened his mouth to speak. There was a sudden rush of air, erupting from in front of us before the roaring in my ears began and the house exploded, spitting debris toward us. I threw up my arms to protect my face, against the sudden heat. As quickly as it happened the explosion was over, and I found myself staring at the burnt out shell of what used to be the living room of the victims house. I turned my head to Horatio.

His mouth was hanging open, the expression on his face one of extreme sorrow. His liquid blue eyes were staring fixated on the scene in front of us. He raised a steady hand to his face before touching a small patch of blood that had spattered on his face. I felt sick realizing that Horatio wasn't bleeding and that could only mean one thing.

It was Al's blood.

* * *

I was pulling my kit out of the Hummer trying to desperately get my nerves under control as the second Crime Scene Hummer drew to halt next to me.

Calleigh was the first to climb out and approach me as I shut the back door to Hummer, kit in hand.

"Are you ok?" she asked, her eyes studying me intently looking for any signs of damage.

"Just a bit shaken." I admitted, following her along side the Hummer to where the other two guys and Megan were waiting.

Tim' eyes were on me concerned and cautious as I gave him a quick nod. I knew I looked pale and clammy from the shock of seeing the guy I'd been talking to minutes before literally being blown up to pieces.

Delko pulled me into a one armed hug, I felt comforted by his presence. I knew I was his way of letting me know he was glad I was ok.

"Where's Horatio?" Megan's hands were on he hips as she turned her gaze to me.

I swallowed hard before meeting her glare head on.

"He's inside." I told her, keeping my expression cool and calm as anger flickered in Megan's eyes.

"You let him go in there, after he'd just seen his friend get blown up?" she exclaimed, narrowing her eyes.

"In all fairness Megan there really wasn't anything I could have done to stop him. Him being the Head of the Crime Lab and all." I pointed out.

Megan shook her head.

"Our priority should be getting EMS or the Coroner to remove the bodies." Megan ranted.

"That's Horatio's call." I returned, eyeing her wearily.

"Horatio doesn't know what's good for him at the minute; he's just lost his friend and mentor." Megan informed me sternly.

"I was right there when it happened, remember?" I reminded her. "Horatio is doing fine; he wants to work this case."

"Grief is grief, and work is work, he's confusing the two." Megan folded over arms over her chest as she spoke.

I felt my temper begin to peak at her assumptions. I shook my head incredulously.

"Where the hell do you get off on this crap? I mean seriously…" I snarled.

"Ok, that is enough." Tim cut me verbally and with a look that stopped me dead in my tracks.

"You..." he pointed to me, Calleigh and Delko. "Go and see Horatio, and see what he wants us to do."

I opened my mouth to retort, but Delko got there first.

"We'll do that." He said before wrapping his arm around my shoulder and practically forcing me in the direction of the crime scene. Calleigh followed close behind. I glanced over my shoulder to give Tim my best glare and found myself startled at what I caught sight of.

His hands were on both of Megan's arms; he was peering into her face as she looked distantly past him. His fingers reached out tilting her chin upwards to meet his gaze as he spoke quickly.

I felt my jaw tensing as I twisted my head to focus back on the task at hand and away from the jealousy that was boiling beneath my veins.

* * *

"How you doing?" I asked quietly as Horatio, Speed and I walked down the steps from the bomb scene.

"We need to find out who did this to Al." Was his response.

I recognized Horatio's reaction, he had shut down. He could deal with the pain if he worked through it and got justice for Al and his family.

"That Al's ring?" I gestured at the brown envelope in his hands that he was fondling.

Horatio stared down at it and nodded.

"I'm giving it back to his wife." He stated.

"I'm sure she'll appreciate it." I confirmed, patting his back soothingly.

Horatio sighed heavily before rubbing at his eyes for a second and turning his resolve back to the crime scene.

"Did we find out how and when the bomber got in?" he questioned his voice hollow.

"He crept in the back window in the maid's room. It was her day off today. I suspect the bomber managed to chloroform him in the middle of Letterman." I informed him, turning professional again.

"Top Ten Ways To Get Your Head Blown Off…" My jaw dropped as I turned to face Speedle unable to speak at his insensitivity.

A look of horror crossed his face as he realized what had just slipped out of his mouth.

"H, I'm really sorry." He muttered..

Horatio was already striding back towards the Hummer we'd arrived in waving us both off.

"It doesn't matter." he called before climbing into it.

I elbowed Tim hard in the gut.

"I cannot believe you! You insensitive…" I twirled to face him, shaking my head in disbelief.

"It slipped out. Seriously I am not that callous." Tim told me, tilting his head and analysing me.

"Don't do that." I growled.

"Do what?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Start psycho analysing me. I hated it then and I hate it now." I reminded him.

Tim bowed his head.

"You and H seem pretty close." He stated suddenly as he turned his head away to watch the members of the Bomb Squad packing their gear away.

"We are, but not the same way you and Megan appear to be." I returned.

Tim's gaze snapped back to me, his nostrils flaring as I gave him a tight lipped smile.

"Don't worry I won't tell anybody, but before you accuse me of anything take a good hard look at yourself Speedle." I sneered before turning on my heel and stalking down the steps towards the Hummer to store my evidence.

* * *

"You sure you're ok?" Eric asked me for the fourth time in an hour as we walked towards the warehouses of Miami Customs and Exercise.

"My answers not gonna change Eric. I'm fine." I stated through grinded teeth.

I couldn't get the image of Megan and Tim out of my head and for some reason it was starting to drive me a crazy.

"You've been quiet ever since we got back from the scene." He remarked as perched my slim line sun glasses on the top on my head.

"I'm tired and it's been a rough day." I shrugged as we slipped into the warehouse; Eric was already kneeling on the floor, testing a paper sample.

"You and Megan don't seem to be getting on too well." Eric brought up, his eyes studying the water mark on the paper in front of me.

"I think he undermines Horatio and she just plain doesn't like me." I responded, folding my arms over my chest.

At least I had a vague idea why now.

"She's had a tough time you know, her husband died six months ago on the job, she literally only came back to the lab the day you arrived. To top it off Horatio has her job now, that can't be easy." Eric implored, still busy checking the paper.

I could feel my anger ebbing away a little towards Megan at Delko's words, there was an explanation behind her actions now and it was understandable that she would be responding defensively. A death, especially of someone so close knocked your world upside down and I felt sympathetic to her circumstance, but that still didn't stop me feeling jealous.

I let out a sigh. I really did have no right to be pissed at either of them. I'd been out of Tim's life for six years. I'd lost that right when I'd walked out. It wasn't fair to expect that he didn't have someone new. On top of that, I knew how close Megan and Tim were from a discussion I'd had with Calleigh two days ago. She'd mentored him after he'd left Columbia, when he needed someone she was there, and apparently that was working both ways. I had no real right to complain…

Which pissed me off even more.

Eric rose to his feet as a member of the Customs and Exercise team was walking towards us. Cocktail stick dangling out of his mouth, as he gave us both a sordid looking smile.

"I'm gonna have a little look around, you ok if I leave you to deal with him?" I asked, snatching my kit up off the ground.

Eric frowned, as he glanced at me nodding.

"I just don't trust men with cocktail sticks." I stage whispered.

A smirk crossed Eric's lips as he tried not to laugh as the man approached quickly, strutting just like John Wayne in all of his cowboy movies.

"Fine but be a good girl, I don't wanna have to bail you out for trespassing." Eric returned with a playful warning look.

"I'd never make you have to do that Mr Delko." I returned with a wink.

Eric rolled his eyes before addressing the Customs and Exercise guy in front of him, while me and my crime scene kit went on a little exploration of our own.

* * *

"You look like you're having fun." I mentioned to Tim as he stepped into the lab wielding yet another pair of firemen's boots.

"Three engine companies responded to that scene, the place was like a freeway." He groaned as he stepped up to my stool as I ran my magnifying glass over the bottom of each boot.

"I thought you were working on the paper with Delko." Tim stated leaning over my shoulder to check my findings.

"I was, it was a dead end so now I'm working on this."

I could smell the musk of his fading aftershave as his head was bowed close to mine as he peered into the magnifying glass too. The proximity of his face was putting me on edge, as I remembered what it felt like to feel him pressed against me, his lips brushing mine as his hands roamed.

"I'm sorry about before." I murmured. "Yours and Megan's relationship is none of my business."

Tim reached out, his arm brushing mine as he reached for the pliers on the table.

"Your right it isn't. You were never one for apologies." He stated, his tweezers picking at something indented into the grooves of the boot.

"I'm trying…I really am. It's just hard. The person I was back then and the person I am now are completely different." I tried to explain as he drew away, his eyes studying the tiny speck of plastic between the tweezers.

"I know. That's why I'm giving you a chance." He informed me distractedly.

"A chance?" I echoed as he slipped the tiny piece of plastic onto a slide and placed it under a microscope, before turning his gaze on me.

He stared at me for a few minutes before sighing as if he'd just decided something.

"Look I've spent all this time wondering what ever happened to you. You disappeared off the face of the earth after you left me. Then suddenly you appeared again last year in New York, your story was all over the newspapers. You'd been undercover and so on. I gotta say Kate I hated you, I think you were selfish and cold because of what you did." He hesitated for a second. My eyes were on him, as I tried to identify his expression. "Then suddenly you appear here, and I know it's not to get back together with me because you screwed up any chance of that when you walked out of my life the first time without any explanation."

Tim met my eyes straight on, I could feel the honestly in his gaze as he spoke.

"The truth is I don't want to know. I've moved on with my life. As much as I'd love to go on hating you the way I did when you resurfaced. We have to work together. I care about this lab more than anything, this is more than a job to me, this is my life and I like it being as uncomplicated as possible."

I watched him as he leaned over the work surface both hands palm down on it as he stared into the microscope.

"So we're going to be colleagues, nothing more and nothing less, just two people who see each other regularly in work." Tim informed me.

My cell phone went off suddenly breaking the tension between us. I flipped it open reading the text form Horatio before springing into action.

"Fine I can do that…By the way that's a photocell…" Speedle jerked away from the microscope as I snapped off my latex gloves and threw them down on the work surface.

"What do you know about bombs?" He asked as I slipped past him, his eyebrows arched.

"I spent six weeks in traction with a broken ankle; the only thing I could do was read and learn." I shrugged before I darted out of the door and towards the parking garage ignoring the dull ache in my chest.

* * *

"I heard you saw some more action today." Calleigh grinned as we stepped into the break room.

I sat down at the table as she took two soda cans from the fridge and handed me one before taking a seat.

"I got to see the bomb squad's new machine; it was awesome what technology they have available now." I sipped from my can happily.

Calleigh raised her eyes to meet mine, curious and wide.

"You like being on the front line don't you?" she asked, her hands wrapped around the cool can.

I tilted my head thoughtfully before answering.

"I used to love being on the front line, part of the reason I agreed to go undercover was because I loved the thrill and the risk but two years down the line that faded away and I became paranoid and edgy. The feeling faded away and… I can't really describe what replaced it. There was a lot of darkness for me to wards the end." I paused before remembering the original question.

"The environments different and safer here, it gives me a different kind of adrenaline, one I don't have to worry about because I know I can trust people to watch my back. So the short answer is I do enjoy being on the front line. It makes things a little more interesting." I finished, raising my gaze towards Calleigh's.

Only her eyes weren't on me they were focused on someone behind me. I turned to see Tim lingering there, his face serious, his arms crossed over his chest.

"No quiet life for you huh?" he remarked stepping into the room, and crouching by the fridge to get out his bottle of water.

"A little danger every once in a while is what makes us feel alive." I responded as Tim rose to his feet.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Too much danger can get you killed." He shot back.

"I know when to stop." I stated rising to my feet, to throw the empty can in the bin.

"That's just the point I don't think you do." Tim remarked.

I could see the honesty in his eyes and the fear. As much as he pretended he didn't care, deep down he still did and he hated that.

"That's not your concern anymore." I said softly.

"I'm glad you know that." His voice was like steel, cutting through me as he spoke.

I clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes as he stalked out of the break room slamming the door behind him.

"I don't think I've seen him this mad at someone." Calleigh commented, rising to her feet.

I shrugged.

"We had better get back to work, before Megan tells us off for wasting time."

* * *

"You know what's really scary? The fact Horatio just took out the guy with his own cocktail stick. That is hard core." I told Eric shaking my head still astounded by what I'd witnessed.

We were outside on the curb outside the crime lab. I was dressed in a knee length black skirt that flounced outwards, a semi transparent black blouse with a strap top underneath and simple black heels. I was going to Al's funeral as Horatio's morale support. He hadn't asked but he hadn't stopped me when I suggested it either.

"H is like some super cop, then again so are you if all the rumours are true." Eric said pointedly.

"I am so not talking about my undercover days Eric; I am sworn by an oath." I smirked half serious.

"You wouldn't if you could though right?" he questioned.

I shook my head.

"I just wanna forget all about it."

There was a small silence between us. I turned my head towards Eric as his deep hazel eyes swept up my legs and rose to my chest and eventually my face.

He blushed when he realized I had been watching him, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"I can't help it your hot and in that skirt…Let's put it this way you have great legs." He complimented.

I found a flush rising in my own cheeks as he spoke.

"Hey let me take you out some time." Eric spoke suddenly surprising me.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything but Eric held up a hand cutting me off.

"It doesn't have to be a date or anything. Just two people trying to get to know each other better." Eric supplemented.

I looked down at my shoes, the black leather bag swinging as I clasped it in front of me in both hands.

"I bet you say that to all the girls." I said meeting his gaze with a small smile.

Eric winked.

"Only the ones that play hard to get."

I nudged him with my elbow.

"Oh trust me Delko I'm not playing hard to get. You can take me out but that's as far as it goes I'm not letting you over my threshold." I stated.

Delko leaned in, a flirtatious smile twitching at the edges of his mouth as he held his hands up.

"I promise you, I will be a complete gentleman. I just wanna take you out and show you what a good time you can have." Eric's hands were on the bare skin of my arms, his finger tips trailing up them, as he tilted his head down towards me a good natured smile on his face.

"Come on what do you say?"

I pushed my hair back away from my face.

"If you lay your hands on me I will hurt you." I warned him jabbing a finger in his chest.

"I promise no hands or anything, just a quiet drink between friends." Delko said openly, pulling away as the Hummer drew up next to us.

"I'm free tomorrow evening." I agreed finally. "That's my ride, I gotta…"

I trailed off, jerking my head at the Hummer.

"I'll pick you up here, tomorrow night, then." Eric said, that boyish smile spreading over his handsome features as he held the Hummer door open for me.

"You can count on it." I returned before slipping my sunglasses back over my eyes and sliding graciously into the Hummer's leather interior.

"See ya tomorrow Kate." Eric called as he closed the door.

I gave him a finger wave as Horatio pulled away from the curb and drove us towards the funeral of one of his closet friends.

* * *

The churchyard was beautiful as we strolled through it towards the gloriously rustic building in front of us. Horatio and I walked side by side through the beautiful flowers that were just starting to come into bloom. Horatio's sunglasses were in his hand as we drew to halt by the church steps.

"You know what I liked best about Al. Most people make you earn their respect; with Al you already had it." Horatio said softly, staring down at his hands.

"You learned that lesson from him." I told him quietly.

The barest of smiles curved over Horatio's face as he glanced up at the open doorway in front of us.

"You coming in?" He asked indicating toward the doorway.

It was my turn to look down at my hands.

"Do you mind if I go see Ray?" I said softly.

Horatio reached out, his hand gently clasping my shoulder.

"I'll meet you there after the funeral." He murmured.

I nodded, before watching as he strode up the steps and into the arms of Al's widow. For Horatio this was about being there for her.

It wasn't long before I found myself standing in front of that familiar gravestone, hands clasped in front of me, eyes tracing over the writing again and again. It had been over a year ago since I'd been standing here as his coffin was lowered into the ground.

"It's me." I spoke quietly as I stared at the grave stone with a heavy heart.

I stood there in silence after that just thinking and praying, and then thinking some more about how screwed up everything had become. I felt the tears trailing down my cheeks as sorrow filled my heart. I swallowed heard, biting back the emotion welling up deep inside of me. Everything I'd repressed in the past six years was coming back to bite me in the ass and I couldn't make a sound.

A hand descended on my shoulder, it was warm and reassuring. I turned my head slightly, brushing the tears from my face with the back of my hand.

"Sorry." I bowed my head and sniffed trying to stop the free flow of tears cascading down my face.

"It's ok." A hanky appeared in my vision, I knew from Horatio's breast pocket.

I took it gratefully, and wiped my cheeks with it.

"Thank you." I whispered, handing it back.

"You ready to say goodbye." Horatio asked gently.

I nodded before turning to face him. His hand was on the small of my back as he guided me back towards the Hummer. As Horatio held the door open for me it suddenly occurred to me that he was the one that took care of everyone, when they needed someone he was there.

But who had his back when everything fell down?

As he climbed in the driver's side, I reached out as he shut the door, my hand taking his. His eyes rose to my face, they were glistening with unspoken emotion. For the first time in my life Horatio Caine looked vulnerable. I leaned forward wrapping my arms around him. Horatio buried his face in my shoulder, inhaling deeply as his arms wrapped around my body. I held him tightly smoothing his fine red hair.

"It's ok." I murmured. "It's going to be alright."

For the first time in what I knew was a long time Horatio Caine let himself break down.

* * *

_**I love it when you R&R and will hand out cookies!**_

_Maddy: I'm glad I got the two points across, there's more to Kate than meets the eye, which is the meaning of the title. She's trying to figure out who she is and dealing with everything else coming her way. I have a lot of bunnies to keep this story going._

_Blue: You are such a sweetheart! Thankies, I love hearing your opinion on my stories. You figure out who it is yet? Thank you so much, I really glad you like this fic._

_Isis: lol she does kick a lot of ass, the best thing is she won't be bossed around by anyone! Which is gonna be hilarious in future chapters. Nice to meet you by the way!_

_Brown: lol I so would love to snuggle Speed. For some reason H/Kate seem to instantly connect in my story and I love the fact she's that close to him. Lol it'll be a little while but not too long._

_Mauveine: lol their both really stubborn people, and she doesn't want to upset him anymore than she did, but eventually they'll talk things out. I do not lame you, there will be a few smutty moments in this lol. Smut seems to be edging it's way into DI as well._

_Laplandgurl: lol I'm glad you like this chapter, you're on the right track; he mentored her and was her handler until he went into Narco undercover then a member of the FBI became her handler._

_Daisy: lol it is when we eventually get into it, there's that Speed doesn't know and stuff that Kate doesn't know. They need to talk but they're both stubborn and trying to distance themselves. I just don't like Megan but I try to give her reasoning behind the way she is. I love writing H/Kate friendship, I'm always surprised by what comes out!_


	4. Chapter 4: What Comes Of Coffee

Chapter Four: What Comes Of Coffee

_I love the way she fills her clothes_

_She looks just like them girls in vogue_

_I love the way she plays it cool_

_I think that she is beautiful_

_She's so lovely_

_She's so lovely_

_Scouting For Girls – She's So Lovely_

Eric checked his watch for the third time in fifteen minutes. Kate was late. He was pacing up and down the reception area, clad in an expensive white shirt that contrasted against his dark jeans. It was unbuttoned at the top revealing a generous expanse of chest. Eric checked his watch again, glancing up as the lift pinged before it's doors opened.

Eric's face fell as Speed stepped out, gaze shifting up for the report in his hand to the agitated Cuban in front of him. His head tilted taking in the full extend of Delko's attire. He'd known the other man long enough to know his dressing habits, and he definitely wasn't dressed for work.

"You got a hot date tonight or something?" Speed asked, crossing his arms over his chest, his file still clasped in one hand.

A playful grin spread across Eric's face.

"Hotter than what you'll be doing sitting at home alone tonight." Eric teased his friend.

Speed smacked the other man with the file in his hand.

"You're real funny, you know that?" he shot back.

"That's what the ladies tell me." Eric winked.

"This one blind?" Speed smirked.

"She does a mighty fine job if she is." Eric snorted.

"Ok where did you meet this fine specimen of womanhood?" Speed asked with a sarcastic edge to his voice.

He knew what kind of girls Eric picked up and he was not impressed by his friend's taste in women so far. Yet he knew Eric wasn't looking for anything that really extended behind one night.

"Right here. I'm taking Kate out for the night…" Eric informed Speed.

Speed stared at the younger man in utter shock. His eyebrows furrowing together in disbelief.

"Kate? Your taking Kate Callahan out tonight on a date?" Speed questioned, giving Eric the stare he used in the interrogation room.

"It's not really a date… At least it isn't yet but I'm pretty confident I can change her mind." Eric beamed not sensing Speed's discomfort.

Speed pursed his lips, before suddenly making a decision. His eyes were back on his file as he spoke in a low tone for Eric's ears only.

"If you know what's good for you, and if you want to keep even a shred of your heart and a portion of your sanity and dignity, you'd take my advice. Forget about her, move on to someone else. Lots of girls out there that won't fuck with your head. That shit just isn't worth it."

Delko glared at Speed affronted by his words, his hands on his hips as he stepped closer to the other man.

"What the hell are you so bitter about?"

"Trust me on this one don't go there." Speed warned Delko, clenching his jaw tightly.

"Has it ever occurred to you that what happened between you and her was 'cause maybe she just wasn't that into you? Maybe all she needs is the right guy to..."

"Hey, sorry I'm late; I got caught up in DNA." Kate was hurrying towards them.

Her dark hair was loose and free flowing behind her, as she slipped her thin wallet into the back pocket of her skin tight black denim jeans. She was wearing a cream almost transparent chiffon blouse, the neckline came to a halt just past Kate's bra line and was laced together with black ribbon tied in a bow so not to reveal too much skin.

Speedle shook his head and rolled his eyes.

Typical New York fashion he thought, but he had to admit in her outfit, set off with a the peep toe heels, she looked absolutely stunning. The worst part about it was the fact she didn't seem to know it. She looked relaxed and at ease standing there riffling through her bag, like this was the most natural thing in the world. He couldn't help feeling a pang of jealousy in his chest she was beautiful and he missed the teasing and the humour that used to be between them.

Yet when he looked at her he knew she was different now. There was a stiffness in the way she moved, like she wasn't comfortable in her own skin. The innocence that once shone in her eyes was gone and replaced by something else, a deep set wistfulness. He knew she'd experienced something, something that had taken the spark right out of her, something she was struggling to live with.

Kate's evergreen eyes rose to meet his as she tugged a book out of her bag and held it out to him. Tim recoiled surprised, before tilting his head downwards to read the title as he took it from her.

"I found it when I was going through some old things last night. I thought you'd want it back considering you only lent it to me to get through the final exams." Kate's smile was genuine and filled with warmth.

He found himself staring down at the text book resting in his hands.

He remembered sitting in her apartment back in Columbia, he was on the couch, her body leaning against him as he flicked through the channels. She was scanning through their text books with renewed fury. She was paranoid about the exams and was stressing herself out constantly over them. It was in the midst of one of her rants; he'd silenced her with a chaste kiss and pushed the shiny blue text book towards her, telling her to take it, it had worked wonders for him.

"Thank you." Speed nodded, swallowing hard at the emotion that the memory had brought back.

His chest felt tight, his jaw clenched as he tried to breath.

"We better get going, we're already running late." Delko inserted into the conversation, his eyes on Speed, his expression unimpressed.

Tim looked away down the corridor, trying to distance himself from the situation and his feelings.

"Yea I've got some Trace to run. Hope you guys have a great time." He heard himself mutter before his legs carried him away from the reception area, that book clasped tightly to his heart.

* * *

The book was looking at him… He was sure of it.

He'd set it down on the work bench next to him before slipping on his head phones and continuing his work at the microscope. Yet again he felt his gaze slipping towards the closed blue book resting merely inches away from his right hand.

He was being stupid, he knew he was. Yet part of him hoped that she'd given him the book back for a reason.

Tim let out a deep sigh. He was stronger than this. Or so he thought.

Yet the book was in his hands now, his fingers flicking through the pages until he came to place that appeared to be marked with something. He turned the page gingerly.

There it was… he hadn't even realized he was looking for it until he found it nestled there between the pages.

A small single photograph.

He found himself smiling as his fingers brushed over it. Kate's smiling face looking up at him, as she laughed at something he'd said behind the camera. Her hair was wild and wavy from a day at the beach, the knot on her lilac bikini top still peeking out over the grey jumper he'd lent her when the air had cooled.

He'd taken a lot of pictures in those days. Always carrying a camera with him, always with her. He loved snapping shots of her when they were together, making memories he had thought at the time. Things to look on when they were married, something to show the kids.

He used to use photographs as book marks, something to carry around, a reminder of what happiness had felt like. Now staring at the thin glossy paper he felt the pangs of regret creeping into his heart. And he hated it.

Tim slammed the book shut, the photograph trapped again between the pages, sealing the memories back up in his mind. He didn't want to feel anything for her, he wanted this to end. He couldn't stomach the thought of Delko and her together, he hated the fact the two of them were out right now doing God knows what with each other.

With a heavy heart he set the book back down on the table and pushed it as far away from himself as he could.

* * *

The night had been wonderful and more than I could have hoped. Eric had taken us to a new club on the sea front that ran a regular Salsa Party. One quiet drink had turned into two, and so on.

Half way through the night I found myself being pulled to my feet by Eric and being led to the dance floor. I'd protested at first I barely knew the steps of Salsa and some of the people on the floor were practically professional. Yet Eric had looped his arm around my waist and guided me, by the end of the night we were dancing as well as the rest of them.

The best part abut the whole thing was that Eric hadn't over stepped his boundaries, he'd been the perfect gentleman all night and I enjoyed being around someone who didn't make me feel awkward or under pressure.

I felt exhilarated by the fact I'd made a new friend, someone that made me feel good about myself and confident without wanted anything more.

"You're a good teacher." I grinned at Eric as he pulled up outside my house as we talked about the Salsa.

"My sisters used to use me for practice while they were learning; I picked it up pretty easily. So I had good teachers too." He told me with as modest smile.

"I imagine it was hard for you growing up with three sisters, all that oestrogen..." I teased.

Eric grinned and shook his head.

"It was a lot of fun, they used me as their Ken doll from time to time, but I think I appreciate and respect women a lot more because I grew up with them. I think your neighbours are probably getting a little curious about why we're still sitting here inside the car with the engine running." Eric remarked as we saw a curtain twitch in the window of the house next door.

"That would be the problems of living in such a quiet neighbourhood. You wanna come in for coffee? I don't have that Coco Cabana stuff you like, but I probably have some sort of coffee." I said with a bright smile, undoing my seat belt.

"I'd love to." Eric replied, switching off the engine.

"You have a wonderful home; I would barely be able to afford the rent on this place." Eric called out as I picked up the two coffee cups and brought them through from he kitchen.

"I own it would you believe, the insurance from my other house covered this place and I had a little spare change left over from my trust fund, hence why I managed to buy some half way decent furniture." I told him as I stepped through the archway, coffee cups in hand. Eric reached up from his position on the leather sofa to take one from me.

"Thanks." He murmured his eyes on mine as our fingers touched.

I settled down on the sofa next to him making myself comfortable, I could feel his gaze on me as I sipped from the white porcelain.

"So tell me a bit about yourself." Eric said as he set his coffee cup down next to the sofa and turned his body to face me.

I took a long sip for my own drink before doing the same.

"There's not much to tell really. I grew up here in Miami, my parents were killed after I left high school, I went onto college and then into the academy. I always wanted to be a cop. My dad was a cop and he would come back with the most fantastic stories. I always loved that about him." I rested my head against the couch as I spoke.

"No siblings?" Eric asked.

"No, I can successfully state I am an only child. I think my mom used to make me play a lot around other kids, hence why I'm not all spoilt and have adequate social skills." I said thoughtfully.

"So I can see, you play well with others." Eric smirked.

He was leaning in now, his dark eyes in mine before straying to my lips. He brushed back a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"Erm…I…" I had no idea what I was going to say but in the end it didn't matter anyway.

Eric's lips were on mine, his hands moving to my hips. His thumbs were brushing the soft bare skin on display, making me press myself against him. My hands running through his short hair. I moaned as Eric's tongue found mine, his hand straying under my shirt now as I found myself on my back with Eric on top of me, hands roaming over my breasts. I tilted my head back as Eric nuzzled my neck, his hand slipping lower as he undid the button on my jeans. His hand slid further down caressing me through my panties, I moaned out loud, bucking against his hand as he moved the panties aside and slipped his fingers inside me. I arched against him, my nails digging into his arm.

It had been a long time since I'd let anyone touch me like that.

Eric was kissing my lips again hungrily, his rhythm getting faster and faster bringing me close and closer. I could my own breathing ragged as I moved against his fingers.

This felt so good, but it didn't feel right.

As the first wave pleasure hit me, I suddenly heard myself say stop.

Eric hated immediately, pulling his lips away from my neck again eyes on me.,

"Stop?" he echoed, as if trying to make sense of the situation.

I nodded.

"You seem to be enjoying it." He murmured in a husky vice, beginning to move his fingers inside me again.

I grabbed his wrist, fingers on his pressure points.

"You don't move that hand and you going to be explaining to Horatio why you're coming into work with a broken wrist tomorrow." I informed him coldly.

Eric did as he was told before removing his body from mine and trying to compose himself in the opposite side of the couch.

"I wasn't going to hurt you." He said looking at his hands as I fastened the button on my jeans.

"I know…it's just…. I can't." I told him, moving into a sitting position on my side of the couch, raking my hands through my hair. "I just can' do it, I can't trust myself around other people…I have things…issues I need to work on and you shouldn't have to be part of that."

Eric nodded, before glancing at me.

"I wanted to show you, you could have a bit of fun without Speedle." He murmured.

I shook my head wrapping my arms around myself.

"This isn't about Speedle."

Eric let out a deep sigh, clasping his hands together.

"He must have fucked you over pretty damn good for you to be this hot under the collar about him."

I turned my head to Eric frowning at his assumption.

"He didn't do anything wrong." I protested.

"Don't defend him. Tell me what he did." Eric's eyes met mine as I stared at him exasperated.

"It wasn't him, it was me, it was what I did." I said softly.

"Ok. What did you do?" Eric looked at me pointedly.

I felt my temper flare at his persistence.

"What happened between me and Tim id none of your business, but in his defence I screwed him over, not the other way around." I admitted, my gaze n my hands now.

"Yea and I'm guessing he's still pretty pissed off about that." Delko remarked.

"I wouldn't know, ask him yourself." I reminded him.

"I'd get the same response I imagine."

"Take a hint and move onto something else." I told him frustrated.

Eric was on his feet looking down at me, his eyes narrowing.

"You wanna fawn over some guy who hates your guts then fine, but you need to learn how to move on." He retorted, jabbing a finger at me.

I raised to my feet my eyes blazing.

"I'll move on when I'm damn well ready. You should leave before you make this any more uncomfortable." I responded, pointing at the door.

Delko snatched his jacket up off the arm of the sofa and moved towards the front door, me trailing behind him. As I held the door open, he yanked on his jacket and turned to face me.

"Well I had a lovely evening until I realized how much you managed to fuck up one of my friends."

I crossed my arms over my chest, staring at him incredulously.

"If you were that much of a great friend why did you come here and try this?" I exclaimed.

"I didn't realize how much of a screwed up relationship you guys had. I thought you were gonna be more than a casual fuck." Eric informed me, looking me up and down in distain.

"I don't want anything; I just want to do what's right for me for me for a change." I told him frustrated, fists clenching as the words rang true.

Eric's eyes were on me, studying me trying to understand. I bit my bottom lip, turning my head away ashamed at my outburst.

"You really got screwed up when you were undercover didn't you?" he said in a low tone.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him as I wrapped my arms around myself.

"More than you'll ever know. I need to fix myself before I can fix anyone else." I said honestly, feeling numbness creeping back into my soul.

"I'm not gonna wait around Kate." Delko said quietly.

I turned my gaze onto him, frowning.

"I don't expect you to." I told him straight.

Delko nodded his response, before turning on his heel and stalking back towards his car, keys dangling from his fingers.

I shut the door quietly and slumped against it for a second.

Why could things never go right?

* * *

_**I am a lean mean updating machine! Thank you reviews and lurkers please show me some love. **_

_Blue: Well let's say it becomes pretty apparent in a few chapters time. I can't tell whether you're joking or not. Lol I need a shot of caffeine!_

_Brown: lol that is so true, I honesty thought he'd try something on Calleigh when he asked to stay at her place in Wet Foot/ Dry Foot. I'm gonna be working on Just One Kiss when I get this bastard essay finished._

_Mauveine: I think its fantastic that I managed to put you in that position. I love writing the Kate and Speed snarky parts because of the way they both are, and they're both trying so hard to just get on with it. Megan will go far away hopefully when I'm finished with her. Lol H and Kate just gel together well, he's like the father figure that Ray used to be. Lol you don't have to beg lol_

_Lapland: lol it's a very nurturing one, she's like the child and the adult sometimes, where H is always the adult. She learns a lot from him, but sees a lot more than other people do._

_Daisy: Date/non date lol I'm surprised he hadn't had a melt down yet with the whole solemn thing he has going on. It's getting down to the sitting and talking though, they both are trying to keep things separate._

_Maddy: lol seriously watch that ep and check out the shirt! Lol This is the product of Miami eps. I loved writing everything in that chapter there was so much to get in, and I was constantly surprised, half the stuff was spur of the moment. Glad your loving it._


	5. Chapter 5: Just One Kiss

Chapter Five: Just One Kiss

_Seems like yesterday but years have passed us by_

_Precious memories are clear before my eyes_

_I can hear your voice calling out my name_

_But I don't know you now, nothing stays the same_

_Blessed Union of Souls – All Along_

The Trace Lab was silent as I fiddled with the knobs on the microscope, trying to get an accurate view of what made up the mixture of the tiny blob under the slide. It was early, I wasn't even on shift yet but I couldn't sleep. I'd spent most of the night restless and staring at the patterns on the ceiling, which as interesting as that was, did nothing for my looks this morning. I'd spent thirty minutes in the bathroom trying to figure out how to fix the bags under my eyes.

On top of that I was not looking forward to seeing Eric this morning. I knew he was probably feeling the same. So as usual I decided to throw myself into work. If I worked I didn't have to think about the thoughts that were running through my head, I just had to focus on the task at hand and I liked that. Not thinking about how complicated life was steadily becoming, was one of the thing I did best, apparently next to leaving and wrecking other people's lives.

I glanced up hearing the door to the Trace Lab open. Tim stood in the door way frowning at the sight of me as he slipped on his lab coat. I narrowed my eyes and rotated my head back to gaze into the microscope.

"Well you're looking relatively scary today." Tim stated. "What's up? Didn't get enough sleep last night?"

I kept my eyes on the microscope, wiling myself not to roar at him.

"Go away I'm busy." I muttered.

"Someone's not being very nice today." Tim remarked, his footsteps coming closer.

I tore myself away from the microscope to glare at him as he pulled up a stool up next to me and sat himself down on it. His hands gripping the front between his legs as he faced me, rocking back and forth.

"How'd your date go?" he asked as I returned my attention back to the microscope.

"It wasn't a date." I murmured, still trying to get the focus right.

"Ok…how did your none date go?"

I rose my eyes with a small smile, watching him sway on his seat, like an over excited kid. His gorgeous brown eyes were on me wide and interested.

"Do you need me to give you a time out?" I teased, nodding at his over zealous shifting.

Tim tilted his head, his sarcastic smile matching mine.

"Do you need me to put you over my knee and spank you?" he returned, sending a shiver up my spine.

I hesitated for a second before answering.

"No…" I said begrudged.

"I'm guessing it didn't go well considering you're in here an hour before your shift." Tim commented checking his watch.

"Maybe I'm just a very dedicated employee." I retorted.

Tim rolled his eyes before darting a glance towards reception.

"So…" he prompted.

I sighed before returning to the microscope.

"Let's say, I don't think he's talking to me." I spoke quietly, finally getting the focus at the right level.

I drew away from the microscope growling at the substance on the slide. My gaze slide to Tim who was frowning, and looking troubled, arms crossed over his chest.

"Which means he didn't get any play huh?" Tim remarked.

My gaze was on the computer as it scanned through some samples that resembled my mystery substance.

"I'm sure he'll tell you all about it over coffee, or whatever it is that men bond over." I told him scrolling down on the computer mouse.

"It's beer, guys bond over beer." Tim corrected before getting off his stool and standing over me to look into the microscope.

His hand as on my shoulder clasping it tightly as he leaned on it to get his balance. It felt warm and reassuring over the silk blouse I was wearing. I felt my body relax, liking the familiar touch of his hand on my body, and craving more.

"You ok?"

I twisted my head to find Tim's dark eyes on me, his expression one of utmost concern. I found myself staring at him wondering how I could actually respond.

Could I really be honest with him? Say no, I'm sorry, I miss you, six years ago I made a terrible, stupid mistake and I'm still paying for it.

Tim's eyes were still on me deep and urging. His hand squeezing my shoulder, felt somewhat soothing against all the chaos raging inside me. I breathed deeply, looking down at my hands before nodding.

"Yea I'm fine, just a little tired. I didn't sleep too great last night." I admitted.

"I kinda got that…" Tim informed me before taking his hand away from my shoulder and settling back down on his stool.

He looked down, biting his lip and clasping his hands together.

"Look Kate…" he began.

I let out a deep breath, this didn't sound good.

"I want you to feel like you can tell me if something's bothering you. If you need to talk…" Tim paused, before looking up at me. "You can talk to me ok?"

I pursed my lips together and closed my eyes for a second, feeling stunned and confused. Tim was still studying me watching my expression for any clue to what was going on in my head.

"Thanks." I uttered with a small smile.

We were both staring at each other now.

Tim opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by the sudden eruption of sound emitting from his cell phone. Seconds later mine followed suit. I snatched mine up off the work station, as Tim slipped his out of his back pocket. I flicked my phone open reading the text location from dispatch, before speaking.

"Looks like we got ourselves crime scene."

* * *

The sun was reflecting at the beautiful turquoise sea as e strode across the glorious white sand. The yellow crime scene tape could be seen from miles away as we strode towards it, sunglasses on, kits clasped tightly in our hands.

"This is going to do wonders for tourism." Detective Fenwick called out as he saw us coming.

"Miami's over rated as it is." I shot back, as Tim and I drew to a halt next to Horatio and Megan.

Fenwick chuckled before flipping open his note pad and running through the details with us.

"Two victims on the beach, the female was assaulted and left for dead in the water, she's on her way to Saint Anthony's right now. The male DB is all yours." Fenwick ended with a small smile in my direction.

"Eric and Calleigh are on their way they're stuck in traffic." Tim informed Horatio, his eyes already surveying the scene.

"It's risky to do something like this in public." Megan stated, glancing around the beach.

"Unless they didn't think they'd be seen." Horatio commented his eyes on the life guard station a little way from us.

His cell phone sprung to life as Megan and Tim made their way towards the wooden structure. I hung back waiting for Horatio as he finished his phone call.

"Jane Ridshaw just woke up. You think you can handle it?" Horatio asked, his eyes on me intent through his sun glasses.

"I'll keep you posted." I told him, nodding my ascent.

* * *

Sweat dripped down Eric's forehead as he sieved the sand before getting another trowel full and repeating the process, still getting nothing. Next to him Speed was going the same thing, only he was one up on the evidence collecting, he'd found a sharp shard of green glass.

There was an awkwardness between them, something unspoken. They weren't laughing or joking like they usually did and neither man seemed entirely sure what to say to the other.

It was Eric that decided to break the silence, hiding behind the distraction in the task at hand he didn't look at Speedle as he spoke.

"You were right."

Speed glanced up at him, looking puzzled. Eric pretended not to notice and kept his eyes on the sieve in front of him.

"You know I always love hearing that, but I'm gonna have to ask, what the hell are you talking about?" Speed questioned, tilting his head.

"Kate… you were right about Kate." Eric replied.

Tim let out a deep sigh and rose his eyes skyward.

"You are gonna have to explain this one too me, because I can't read minds today." Speed informed Eric.

Eric stuck his trowel in the sand and turned his face to meet Speed's eyes.

"Look I know you hate Kate and I understand why, that girl is a whole ball of crazy." Eric told Speed, raising his eyebrows.

Speed frowned, irritated by the other man's words.

"I don't hate Kate. Look me and Kate have issues, very big…enormous issues that we should probably work out at some point. That doesn't make her a bag of crazy because she doesn't want to sleep with you; it makes her different from all the other women you hook up with." Tim hesitated before continuing tentatively. "She's going through a rough time coming out of U.C, she's finding it hard to deal with a normal life at the moment and I'm sure she doesn't need you trying to work your way into her pants, or acting like she's done you some major wrong in the world."

Eric pursed his lips together studying the other man as Speedle started dumping sand onto his sieve again, his lips set in a firm grim line.

"I'm sorry ok? I'm just not used to being turned down like that; Kate made me feel like I was doing something wrong." Eric admitted.

"That's probably because you were." Speed stated, shaking his sieve. "And it's not me you should be saying sorry to. She looks pretty down this morning, so whatever happened last night between you two I recommend you fix it."

"You know your pretty protective over her considering she screwed you over so badly." Eric pointed out picking up the tiny piece of plastic he found in his sieve and bagging it.

"That is because I'm trying to embrace the future and let go of the past," Speed responded sardonically.

"Nothing to do with Horatio taking you into his office this morning to have quiet chat?" Eric inquired.

"That is none of your business." Speed shot back.

"Uh huh, so sharing time is over now?" Eric asked with a wide grin.

"Especially if that's what we're calling it." Speed smirked, shaking his sieve and bagging more of the green glass.

* * *

Jane Ritshaw was a mess. Her face was bloodied and bruised and she wore the same shell shocked expression as many victims of sexual assault. Just looking at her made my heart almost break into a million pieces.

"Hey Jane." I said softly, as not to alarm her.

Jane's head turned to me, her eyes on me curious and startled.

"I'm Kate Callahan, a Crime Scene Investigator. I'm here to collect all the evidence I can to put away the person who attacked you."

The girl pursed her mouth shut tightly as I set my kit on the table next to the bed.

"Would you let me complete the exam?" I asked in low tones with a sympathetic smile.

Jane sniffed before taking a deep breath and nodding. I took a swab from my kit.

"Can you open a little bit for me?" I asked. Jane sniffed again, rising her eyes to the ceiling before parting her lips.

I peered inside her mouth before inserting the swab as gently as I could, and taking it out quickly and bagging it.

"Do you wear a retainer?" I asked quietly.

Jane blinked, forcing away tears as she nodded slowly again. I felt awful as it was, but asking this question while looking into her scared features killed me.

"May I take it? It may help." I said quietly.

I heard Jane's deep intake of breath as she slipped a finger into her mouth and tugged out the retainer and handed it to me.

"Thanks Jane, for being brave." I whispered, patting her arm soothingly before bagging the retainer and leaving.

I had a lot of work to do if I was gonna help catch this guy.

* * *

After discovering a piece of skin attached to the screw in Jane's retainer, I turned the evidence over to Megan, trusting the fact it was her specialisation. Horatio had grabbed me soon after to take a trip to the Hamilton's, along with Eric in a bid to scope out the Hamilton's involvement. So far I'd discovered they were arrogant bastards, and I could tell that just by looking at the outside of what appeared to be a beach side mansion.

"Lifestyles of the rich and the famous." Eric remarked nodding at the two shiny new cars in the drive way of the Hamilton home as Horatio pressed the button for the intercom.

"More money than freaking sense." I muttered, narrowing my eyes at the patriotic flag that was over clouding the drive way.

"Eric, stay off the property but look around." Horatio said n a low tone before gesturing for me to follow him.

We were received in the hallway not by the butler as had been my initial guess but by the Lord of the Manor himself Drake Hamilton. I also knew that Horatio and Drake had a history. As Horatio stepped inside Drake's gaze slid to me, holding my crime scene kit in both hands in front of me. A wide grin spread across his face as he took in the sight of me standing there, in pinstripe trousers, white silk blouse, dark chocolate coloured hair falling in waves around my face.

"Aren't you the embodiment of what law enforcement has become. I wish we were meeting under better circumstances." Drake told me smoothly, his eyes taking in my assets.

"If I had my way, we wouldn't be meeting at all. You be locked in an eight by eight with a big butch guy called Bubba." I returned with a bright smile.

Drake's eyes widened, clearly startled.

"I don't think she's impressed." Horatio informed Drake, a small smirk pulling at his lips.

"She has no right to speak to me like that in my own home." Drake snapped, his steely gaze on me.

"I guess that Hamilton charm I've been hearing so much about must fade away with age." I added stepping around Drake and a long side Horatio.

Drake's jaw practically dropped open at my words; Horatio was struggling to hide his snigger.

"Now if you don't mind we'd like to ask you some questions." Horatio said before Drake could kick me out.

Drake shook his head distracted before turning his oh so charming smile onto Horatio.

"Of course not, I'd do anything to help law enforcement, you know that Horatio." Drake said slickly.

I snorted, turning it into a cough when Drake twisted his head to glare at me.

"I'm sorry; I can't help but cough when I get a bad taste in my mouth." I grimaced patting my chest to empathise.

Horatio shot me a warning look over Drake's shoulder, telling me to tone it down. I pursed my lips together into a tight smile.

"Horatio I will not be disgraced in my own home." Drake growled, turning his eyes to Horatio.

Horatio's head tilted towards me.

"Kate will you step out side please?" Horatio's one was pleasant but underneath I could hear the order loud and clear.

"Of course." I said, bowing my head and slipping of the front door graciously.

"Did you guys find something?" Eric asked excitedly as I strode through the gate as it opened.

"Only that the Hamilton's really do not like being insulted in their own home." I replied, rolling my eyes as the gate shut closed behind me.

Eric smiled at me good natured, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Did someone get sent out for being naughty?" he asked pointedly.

Heat rose in my cheeks at his words as I pulled a face.

"Maybe… a little." I mumbled, looking down at the ground as I kicked at some of the gravel.

There was an awkward silence between the two of us before Eric broke it.

"Look Kate, I'm sorry about last night I was out of order for saying those things. I was just shocked at the way everything happened." Eric said quietly.

I stared at my hands pursing my lips together before glancing up at him.

"I probably could have handled it a lot better than I did." I admitted as his eyes met mine, a small smile creeping across my face.

"Friends?" Delko offered, his hand to me.

"You promise your not gonna try and jump me?" I returned playfully taking his hand.

Eric shrugged with a humorous grin on his face.

"Why make a promise we both know I'm not gonna keep." He teased.

I found myself laughing as we shook hands. The day was beginning to look up.

* * *

"What is that?" Speed asked as he pulled back for the microscope, resisting the urge to brush Megan's chestnut coloured curls away from her face.

"That is skin from a penis, we're talking torn off." Megan informed him fatly.

Speed cringed, shivering at the image in his head.

"Ouch." He remarked.

"You better get a grip of yourself." Megan's gaze slipped to his groin with a small smile. "I've gotta chop it up."

Speed pulled a face, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

"You are taking way too much pleasure in telling me that." Speed remarked dryly.

"Well getting you in an uncomfortable position is always fun." Megan responded, before tipping her gaze back towards the microscope.

Speed found himself smiling as he watched her push her hair away from her face. He remembered the first time he dared to reach out and touch her like that. He'd never thought about Megan intimately until the night everything changed. It had been four months after Shawn had died when he'd been over at her place helping her pack up some of Shawn's stuff in boxes, each box was filled with memories of a man he used to admire, someone he could see as a father figure almost.

It was no surprise that Megan had broken down, her face pressed against one of Shawn's old shirts. The sight of tears leaking down hr cheeks had startled him. It was strange for him seeing someone like her look vulnerable, he never expected the tidal wave of emotion that erupted in his chest as he reached out for her. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders, and cradling to her to his body.

It had been Megan who had pulled away first, his finger tips were on her cheek, brushing the tears away. Before he knew it they were kissing, his hands were running through her hair as she pushed him onto his back, her legs straddling his hips. Her lips had been ferocious and he hadn't felt a passion like that since before Kate had left.

There had been instances since where he'd turned up at her place and they fell back into bed all over again, but nothing relived the first time her lips had touched his. He found himself wanting more from her, she deserved more. He wanted to feel loved, and wanted. He had to admit the last time Megan had kicked him out he'd felt dirty and used, it was starting to become old.

"Do you have plans tonight? I mean do you wanna do something?" Speed asked, watching her as she drew away from the microscope, gnawing at her bottom lip.

"Tim we're working. I keep my work time and my private time separate." Megan stated, her eyes on the paper in front of her, writing down her findings.

Speed frowned, his head tilting in her direction as he spoke.

"That's not really true is it?" He responded. "This doesn't have to be some big secret."

Megan twisted ion the stool to face him, the same stern expression on her face as always.

"You're a lot younger than I am, what would people say? Besides I'd hardly call what we're doing a relationship." Megan told him.

Speed felt a pang in his chest as his jaw clenched and he took a deep breath trying to fight the sudden build up feelings within him. His eyes were on her furious and intent, Megan didn't falter under his gaze. Then again he didn't expect her to. She'd always been the colder of the two.

"So basically I'm just a fuck?"

Megan bowed her head, rubbing her hands together between her knees.

"Look Tim we never said this was going to be anything more than what it was." Megan reminded him.

Speed hung his head, nodding at her words, arms crossed over his chest.

"So I'm just someone you can screw to make you feel better about yourself?" Speed demanded.

"We are not talking about this." Megan snapped at him.

"Why am I not surprised? That's your response to everything these days. I, at least thought you would have had more respect for me than this" Speed found himself raising his voice and staring at her incredulously. "Don't bother calling, I won't come running again."

The glass in the door shook as he slammed it behind him as he left the room in flurry of rejection, wondering why people kept leaving him.

* * *

There was something wrong I could tell. Tim's whole body was rigid as he perched on the stool next to me. His face was scrunched up in extreme concentration; his eyebrows knotted together, part of the sadness on his face. I snuck another glance at him, discreetly through my hair, trying to get a better look at his expression.

"That is getting really annoying." Tim told me in a dull voice without looking up.

I nearly fell over the stool next to me startled.

"Sorry, I just…what's wrong Tim?" I blurted out abruptly.

Tim's shoulders visibly tensed as he stopped what he was doing and bowed his head.

"I'm fine." He muttered, taking a deep breath.

"No your not." I reached out and put my hand on his arm, rubbing it gently.

Tim's gaze diverted to my hand, watching the movement of my hand before letting out a deep sigh and meeting my gaze. I saw the pain in those dark eyes and it tore me up inside, knowing he was trying to hide it all away from the world.

"Megan left me or I left her, I'm not entirely clear on the specifics."

He spoke the words monotone, projecting no feeling as he tore his gaze away from mine and focused on something in the distance, his mind still whirring.

"I'm sorry." The words slipped out, sounding hollow even to my ears.

"Yea well… So am I." he swallowed hard before straightening up to his full height, his eyes on the burnt zipper in front of him. "I thought you'd be in interrogation with Horatio."

"Actually I am not allowed to go with in a two foot radius of the Hamilton's, Horatio's words not mine. I kinda got a little mouthy with Drake this morning and he kicked me out of his house. In my defence he was being a sleazy bastard." I told him pulling a face.

Tim shook his head, looking slightly amused at my antics before returning to different pieces of evidence spread across the table before us.

"How'd one kiss turn into such a mess?" he sighed, beginning to slide the crime scene photos we'd laid out previously into a neat pile.

"When someone decides to sell their girlfriend for a watch." I returned, shaking my head indignant.

"That's thirteen thousand dollars worth of gold there." Tim pointed out.

I turned to face him as he slipped the crime scene pictures into a decimated order; one hand was on my hip as I frowned.

"Are you saying you'd trade your girlfriend for cash, or a cash equivalent?" I asked incredulously.

Tim bit his bottom lip before putting his hands behind his head and tilting it towards the ceiling. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh.

"A long time ago, Joey Giovanni offered me five grand to let him take you out." He said finally, opening the file in front of him and putting the pictures inside.

I stared at him, lips parted stunned.

That sneaky little bastard…

Joey Giovanni had been a friend of ours from Columbia. He'd made a move on me quite a few times whilst I was with Tim and I'd always turned him down.

I closed my eyes, one hand supporting me as I leaned against the desk, remembering the last time I'd seen Joey's face. Bitterness broke through the shock of Tim's words filling me with guilt and the familiar sick feeling that settled in my stomach whenever I thought of Joey.

"He always did have more money than sense." I muttered, turning my attention to the papers in front of me in attempt to distract myself.

"You know that Joey had connections to the Mob?" Tim asked almost conversationally.

I clenched my jaw, knowing that he was fishing.

"Look if you want to ask something then ask it." I sighed as I bent over my paperwork closely so he couldn't see my face through my hair.

"Did Joey get you undercover in the Mob?" Tim's directness didn't surprise me as much as the actual question.

I took a deep breath trying to consider how I was going to reply. The story was a complicated one. Joey was a part of it, one of the parts I tried to block out. I still saw his face in my dreams as he stood over me, eyes blazing with adrenaline and fear.

"Kate?" Tim prompted.

I let out a deep sigh deciding it would be best to face him.

"The short answer is no." I said carefully.

Tim raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest.

"There's a long answer?" he inquired.

"It is a long and complicated story."

"You ever plan on telling it to me?"

It was a good question, one I didn't have an answer to. I don't think I ever planned on telling anyone everything that had happened during my six years with The Family. My relationships within it were complex at its best, I'm not sure I could describe my thoughts and feelings towards the whole mess.

On top of that there things I could never bring myself to tell Tim, things I was ashamed of, things I was forced to do to protect myself and my identity.

"Maybe." I murmured. "One day."

I looked away, brushing my hair back behind my ear.

"I wonder what ever happened to Joey…" Tim said thoughtfully.

I felt my heart pounding against my rib cage, as my chest tightened.

_His face was there above me. His icy blond hair was plastered to his forehead as he met my gaze. His pale blue eyes wild determined and yet frightened. His hand was shaking so hard he almost dropped the gun._

"He's dead." The words slipped out and were in the air before I could snatch them back.

Tim's head snapped up towards me, as I pulled off the thin latex gloves feeling nausea beginning to take hold of me, I was finding it hard to breath, my skin growing hot and clammy.

"Kate?" he questioned as I bolted out of the door.

* * *

The locker room was empty as I sat there on the bench, head between my knees trying to get my breathing under control. The cool air felt refreshing on my skin as I forced back the sickness clawing that the pit of my stomach, I was frightened to blink, because I knew as soon as I closed my eyes Joey's face would be there, that gun still trembling in his hand. He never looked as young as he did at that moment.

I felt a warm reassuring hand soothingly rubbing on my back, telling me to breathe. It took a few minutes for the panic attack to subside. I closed my eyes before raising my head to face Tim, hands rubbing my face.

Tim reached out pulling my hands gently away from my face and clasping them tightly in his warm ones. His doe brown yes were studying my features. I hated him seeing this side of me, the vulnerable side, the weak one.

I swallowed hard before turning my face away ashamed.

"I killed him." I whispered, blinking back the tears.

"He was going kill me, so I killed him first." I managed to get the words out before choking down the emotion that was making my chest ache so badly.

I was beginning to crumble and I couldn't, not here, not in front of him. Tim released my hand from his grasp. I'd expected this. I'd expected him to with draw from me. To back away in horror. I'd killed one of our friends; the circumstances didn't matter because the facts were still the same. Joey's blood was on my hands.

I was surprised when Tim's arm wrapped around my shoulder's pulling me against his firm body. I let out a deep sigh as my head came to rest on his chest; his lips brushed my forehead, stirring up everything I was struggling to hide.

"Tell me." He uttered, his face buried in my hair.

I could feel the rise and fall of his chest against my body, reassuring and secure. The faint scent of his aftershave invaded my nostrils, making the tension ebb out of my body. He felt like home. He's always made me feel safe and now I craved that. I needed it.

The words were tumbling out before I could stop them. His free hand clasped mine as he listened to me talk about the safe house.

"There was a leak…" I heard myself saying, feeling abstract from the events that had transpired, like they were someone else's memories.

"I woke up in the night and I couldn't breath, it was dark and something was clogging up my lungs. I turned on the lamp and the room was full of smoke. I could feel the heat from the flames through the floorboards when I got out the bed. The stairs were already on fire, and I don't know what happened. I started running on automatic. I went for the phone but the line was dead. My cell was downstairs in my jacket…"

"There was only one way out and it was through the window. I was coughing by then; the smoke was getting to me. I threw my blankets outside through the window but I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker. So I grabbed my gun off the nightstand…And then I jumped." I paused trying to make sense of the confusion that followed.

"I remember hearing my ankle snap when I hit the ground before the rush of pain hit me. My gun was still in my hand, I remember being surprised I hadn't managed to shoot myself with the damn thing on the way down…There were sirens in the background, that were in the distance getting closer." I was feeling numb now trying to piece everything together, trying to make sense.

"I managed to roll onto my back; I remember trying to get my breath back, trying to breathe through the pain. I thought I was safe…The sirens were close by then. The house was a fucking inferno, but I was alive. I was stuck on my back lying in the yard behind the house but hell I was alive…and that's when I saw him. Joey was coming towards me." I frowned, shaking my head, my hand over my mouth.

"I thought he was coming to help me. He was standing over me and he had something in his hand, and it took me a minute to realize he was pointing a gun at my head. He said…" I choked a little before continuing.

"He said 'Don't worry Kate I'll make it quick.' His hand was shaking Tim, and I tried to talk him down, I really did but he said Capo was going to kill him if he failed. I remember watching him flick the safety off and thinking this is it. I didn't even realize I still had the gun in my hand until I heard the two gun shots and my arm was aching. He looked so surprised and then he fell. He went straight down and he didn't get back up again. I remember the gun slipping out of my hand. Suddenly there were lights and EMS were there. I didn't want to kill him, I really didn't. I tried Tim, I really did."

"You did what you had to Kate, there's no shame in that." Tim spoke quietly, as he wrapped both arms around me pulling me tightly against him.

His hand was running through my hair as my arms wrapped around his waist, my face buried in his neck, enjoying the comfort he gave me as my body relaxed in the essence of him.

"Let me take you home." He murmured into my ear.

His hot breath sent tingles up my spine. I gripped his shirt in my hands trying to resist arching against him. His hands traced down the curve of my back, making me bite my lip to keep from moaning out loud as I tilted my head back. Heat rushing through me. His lips were next to my ear as my fingernails dug into the soft skin of his back through his shirt.

"Kate…" he called out my name in a hoarse tone.

I opened my eyes and pulled back away from him, lips parted, memorising every inch of his face, before drawing back completely.

"This is a really bad idea." I said, watching as he hung his head and nodded his agreement.

"Yea, it is." He clasping his hands together and pressing them against his head as if praying.

This was hurting us both, but we couldn't take that step forward. If I went home with him now, it would be for the wrong reasons. He was in pain; Megan's rejection had cut him deeply. He needed to know it wasn't him, he needed to feel loved and wanted, but I couldn't give that to him. Not for one night, not after this.

So I did what was best for us both. I stood up and tugged at his arm gently.

"What are you doing?" he asked wearily, allowing me to pull him to his feet.

"You are going to walk me to my car, and then you're going to say 'good night Kate' and I'm going to say 'good night Tim' and then we'll both go home." I enforced, propelling him towards the door.

Tim's hand caught mine, fingers entwining as he yanked me back. His hands settled on my arms, a small smile crossing over his face as he looked me right in the eye.

"I have to get some stuff out of my locker so good night Kate." He said pointedly.

I found myself grinning as I pulled away with a playful wink, drifting towards the door as I called over my shoulder.

"Good night Tim."

I wasn't actually going home yet; I had one more thing left to do.

* * *

I picked up Jane's bag from the bed in the hotel room as she grabbed a few bits and pieces to put in her handbag.

"You got everything?" I asked her as her gaze darted around the room, taking in the remnants of her trip to Miami.

"I think so." She nodded a she spoke, before here gaze shifted up to me.

"Thank you for being here and doing this." She said, fiddling with her bracelet.

I patted her back gently.

"It's not a problem." I told her as we moved towards the door.

Jane froze next to me as we both heard the sound of a key twisting in the lock. Paul glanced up seeing us both standing there.

"Jane." He implored stepping towards the young girl he'd sold.

I handed Jane her bag as she bowed her head, clearly becoming unnerved.

"Go ahead I'll meet you in the lobby." I murmured kindly.

Jane sniffed a little as she squeezed past Paul trying not to touch him, closing the door behind her. Paul's eyes followed her before he turned back to me.

"I love her." He began.

I held up a hand to silence him.

"Frankly I don't care." I informed him. "If you loved her you wouldn't have sold her for a watch."

Paul opened his mouth to say something…Probably trying to explain.

"I seriously don't want to hear any more of your excuses Paul. I hope that watch was worth it." I stated coldly before moving towards the door to the room and shutting it firmly behind me.

As soon as I saw Jane into a taxi, I was dialling Calleigh and we were going to hit a bar.

* * *

_**Thank you to my faithful reviewers! And to anyone who is lurking. I love it when you R and R so let me know what you think.**_

_Lapland: lol thankies, I'm glad you like. I would so have had a hard time with Eric too. I figured that from the way you write Mari. I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations._

_Brown: lol I had to ask you what for! I had a lot of fun writing that chapter, it was hard in parts too! Lol I'm hoping you love this one too!_

_Mauveine: Your review made me blush because it was so sweet. I have to say I adore Speedle because the whole thing is just so painful for him. He likes her but she broke his heart. He's always conflicting. I didn't want to make the Eric smut a h8uge thing for that very reason._

_Bluehavan4220: I demand more cookies, because this was a long chapter! What did you think of this one? The thing with the book really did come out of nowhere it was one of those what can she be getting out whilst he's looking at her._

_Maddy: lol I would lend them to ya if I could. Lol it feels completely different form my other stories because the way it's laid out in cases and because of the way Kate is and her back ground. Lol your making me blush again._


	6. Chapter 6: Broken

Chapter Six: Broken

_Come on in,  
I've gotta tell you what state I'm in,  
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,  
That I started looking for a warning sign._

When the truth is,  
I miss you.

_Coldplay – Warning Sign_

There was something insistent nudging at the edge of my consciousness as I groaned out loud at the blinding pain that was erupting in my head. I was face down in my pillow, with a severe case of cotton mouth and nausea biting at the pit of my stomach. My whole body was unresponsive and sluggish as my hand slapped around for the source of the shrill sound that was making the pain in my head more intense. My eyes narrowed as I groped for my cell phone, managing to flip on my back so I could read the caller I.D through my blurry eyes.

Dispatch.

I flipped the phone open, holding it to my ear as my gaze shifted to the alarm clock.

I'd had three hours sleep, and considering the amount I'd had to drink I was glad Calleigh had made me come home when I did. I wasn't used to drowning my sorrows, not like this. Everything from the last few days was impeding on me and I had to admit I was finding it hard to deal with it all.

Horatio had told me this was the part of UC that they didn't tell you about. The part where your head was so fucked up you didn't know who the hell you are, let alone what you were doing there. He'd also informed me that UC cops had a tendency to suffer from mental break downs because they shut up. They just didn't talk because they weren't used to being able too. They bottled things up and before you know it you're looking down the barrel of your gun and wondering whether to put it in your mouth or against your head.

Thankfully I had locked my gun safely away last night.

Was it really that bad? I didn't know anymore. I didn't expect building a life to be this hard. I guess I thought after all those years playing with the Mob that this would be a breeze, but in truth it wasn't. Everyday I got up and went to work with a guy I used to love, hell probably still loved, knowing he was getting on with his life, whilst I couldn't seem to get him the hell out of my head. Add to that the crime scenes and the fact that despite Horatio's prompting, I still couldn't open my mouth to talk about the things that were ticking over in my head.

I knew he was worried, not just on a professional level, on a more personal one. He knew me, he knew I shut down instead of raving and screaming and crying, he also knew that wasn't healthy. Normal people talked about their problems. When I opened my mouth not a single word came out. The truth was I'd lost the only person I'd ever confided in when I'd broken his heart and took off to take part in an undercover investigation on the Mob.

The fact it was my own fault pissed me off even more.

Dispatch was talking in my ear, I stifled a yawn listening to the voice on the other end, and somehow managing to pull myself up into a sitting position. One hand clutching at the pain in my head as I spoke.

"I'll be right there."

* * *

The sun was blazing as I climbed out of the Hummer, sun glasses hiding my tired eyes. The pain in my head had sunk into a dull ache after I'd popped some pain killers and the coffee was hitting me so I could actually keep my eyes open. A nervous energy was buzzing in my stomach as I raised my head to the huge multicoloured building in front of me.

A kid's indoor amusement centre.

Zany Town.

Shit.

"Hey, someone looks a little worse for wear this morning." Delko called out from my right.

I turned to see him and Tim striding towards me, both sporting solemn expressions.

"Sh…" I put a finger to my lips, indicating for Eric to be quiet in the presence of my hang over.

Eric frowned, trying to figure out why I was silencing him. Tim crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head, and narrowing his eyes.

"I recognize this look. She's hung over, a pretty bad one by the looks of things. How are you even functioning?" he asked frowning trying to get a look at my eyes behind the sunglasses.

"Coffee…lots and lots of coffee." I groaned as we began to walk towards the building.

"You know why we're here right?" Tim asked as Eric stepped past the uniforms next to the entrance.

"Horatio filled me in on the way. I have to say I'm not looking forward to it." I said as I took off my sun glasses and raised my eyes to meet his.

The expression on Tim's face shocked me. His eyebrows were knotted together in concern as he studied me.

"You ok?" he questioned, turning his head away to glance back at the Hummer.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, rubbing the spot between my sore eyes.

"I just haven't been sleeping much." I told him, looking down at my boots.

"I can see that." Tim responded. "I think you should talk to someone."

I pursed my lips and shook my head, my arms crossed over my chest.

"Can you really see me of all people doing that?" I asked him honestly.

"Kate." he stated firmly. "It'll help. It always helps to get things off your chest, lighten the load."

"We've got a job to do." I told him dully before moving to step away from him.

Tim's hand caught my arm, stirring me back towards him. We were inches apart now, a tension brewing between us and not the good kind. His dark eyes were boring straight into mine.

"You won't have a job to do if you're too wrecked to do it. H sees you like this, he'll know you're not coping and make you do something about it. Make it easier on yourself and get the help before he forces you to get it." Tim spoke through a clenched jaw.

I tore my arm away from him, growling.

"I'm dealing with it, so do me a favour and drop it." I spat before turning my back on him and marching towards the crowd of parents and screaming children.

* * *

She looked like a tiny fallen angel just laying there, the embodiment of pure innocence ravaged by what can only be described as the essence of pure evil.

Ruthie Crighton had never stood a chance against her killer.

Her beautiful blond locks had been cut off and were lying next to her on the cold tiles. She was clad in tattered boy's clothes, a size to big. The pants were down by her ankles but the brown shirt managed to hide her modesty.

There was a deep sickness in the pit of my stomach that I knew I wouldn't be able to shift until long after this case was over. It was coupled with a huge overwhelming sense of sadness, lose and indignant rage.

No child deserved this.

Horatio was standing off to my side, actually inside the room as I fumbled with the straps on my camera bag. His oceanic blue eyes were taking in every single detail of the scene.

"You ok with this?" he asked softly, hands on his hips, his eyes resting on the fallen child.

"I'll live with it. We need to get the bastard that did this." I told him, picking up the camera and raising it to my eye level before peering through the lenses.

"We will, he's left us plenty of evidence to process." Horatio reassured me, as I began clicking away capturing the crime scene in front of us.

Horatio was crouching down now, peering at something on the floor.

"What do you have?" I asked, crouching down next to him as he pointed at a glittery trail.

"You think it's off the kid?" I asked, photographing the scattered bits of gold glitter.

"It looks like transfer on her." Horatio remarked, looking closer.

I rose to my feet and glanced at the cone before snapping a picture of it.

"You think he used the cone to get a little privacy?"

"It's a possibility." Horatio stated.

"Cut hair, and boy's clothes, you think he was trying to disguise her?" I inquired, snapping pictures of the hair.

"I think he was trying to smuggle her out, which means he didn't mean to kill her here." Horatio murmured as he crouched down closer to the body.

I found myself speaking my thoughts out loud.

"Which makes this all the more sinister."

* * *

Speed had seen bodies before, in all shapes and sizes. Over the past six years he'd seen horrific things, sometimes he wondered how the hell humans could do that to each other. He thought of himself as a veteran almost, un-fazed when it came to dead bodies and decomp. But when he stepped into that room…

Nothing could block out the image in front of him. And for the first time in a long time Tim Speedle had had to look away.

The kid was splayed out in front of him, she looked like she was sleeping and it was that that caused him to choke. He swallowed hard averting his gaze as Kate and Horatio turned their heads towards him standing in the door way.

"What have you got?" Horatio asked quietly.

He closed his eyes to block out the scene before him. Bile was rising from the pit of his stomach. He knew this would break him, if there was ever a night he'd need someone to make him forget, even if it was Megan, it would be tonight.

"Automatic lock up system." He paused, sucking in a deep breath to steady himself before continuing. "Windows barred, doors gated, storage units on keyed alarm."

Speedle opened his eyes again, trying to look anywhere except at that tiny brutalised body. He heard himself sigh deeply, a trick he used to compose himself.

"Basic kid playground turned high security prison."

His gaze had slipped to body again; he was finding it hard to think of it as a body. That was someone's child lying there. Someone's little girl.

"Crime kit?" His eyes lingered on Kate now, crouched next to the body, crime scene camera clasped tightly in her hands.

Her evergreen eyes looked dull and lifeless as they stared up at him. The make up couldn't hide the dark circles around her eyes, or the paleness of her skin. She looked drained, and exhausted. It scared him seeing her like this; he knew she was on the road to break down.

Focusing on Kate was easier than focusing on the child like corpse in front of him. Looking at her made it easier to deal with, easier to ignore. All he wanted was out of this room, he felt like he was having trouble breathing.

"I've been searching the crowd subtly, checking it out. Didn't see anything that looked like one." He informed them in a grave tone.

"Add glitter transfer ok?" Speed switched his gaze to Horatio, before turning his back on the whole sickening scene.

He didn't envy Kate and H one bit.

* * *

"There is something immensely disturbing about a guy hanging around one of these places without a kid." Eric murmured as I stepped up along side him.

"What did you get?" I asked him, rubbing at my eyes.

Eric pointed at the group of four men, three with children, one without, standing in a booth, waiting.

"Four that refuse to have their prints taken. One doesn't have s a kid and looks good for it." I leaned closer, getting a more rounded look at the guy Eric was poking his pencil at.

"He's got glitter on his shirt." I commented.

"Yea Speedle's already taped him." Eric confirmed.

"Let me guess, against his will." I chuckled, shaking my head, before an idea sprung into my head. "Do you have any lubricant or lotion in your kit?"

"Why you think you can get his prints? I hope it's for getting his prints." Eric said light-heartedly as he handed me the lotion out of his kit.

"If I get them you have to carry all of the security tapes to the Hummer." I told him rubbing the lotion all over my hands, before taking the clipboard and the pencil from Eric.

"I think that's a fair deal." Eric agreed, folding his arms over his chest.

"Now watch a master at work." I winked before setting off towards booth swaying my hips as I walked.

The clipboard slipped from my hands as expected as I stepped towards Brad Repkin. It clattered on the floor along with the pencil. Repkin's eyes met mine, I gave him a small smile as I brushed a stray stand from my pony tail away from my face. He bent down to pick up the clipboard and hand it back to me.

"Your name Brad Repkin?" I asked sweetly.

Repkin nodded his affirmation. I spun on my heel and returned to Eric who was miming applause.

I handed him the clipboard grinning.

"Nicely done." He complimented.

"Being female has its advantages." I returned playfully. "Now let me show you where those security tapes are."

* * *

The AV lab was cool, and the air condition felt good on my skin as I sat next to Calleigh, watching the set of four TV screens in front of us.

The scrutiny tapes so far had shown Ruthie being guided along a corridor by someone out of sight. This guy was smart he managed to keep out of the way of the cameras.

"Where are you, you perv?" Calleigh murmured from besides me.

Despite the whole situation and nature of this case I found myself laughing. Calleigh turned her head towards me flicking pause on the videos so we could take few minutes worth of break. A small smile crossed her face.

"Sorry I don't realize I do the whole talking to myself thing sometimes." She told me, sheepishly.

I held up a hand, still giggling.

"No it's fine, it was just funny I think with all the horror in this case you've given me the first laugh of the day."

Calleigh checked her watch with a small sigh before running her hands through her hair.

"And we've only been working on it for six hours so far." Calleigh informed me.

I put my hands to my face rubbing it, and then stretched out my arms, trying to un-knot the tension in my shoulders.

"None of us are going to rest until we catch this guy. Jesus Christ I need coffee." I moaned, resting my chin on my hand.

"That'll be what, your eighth cup today." Calleigh remarked, picking up the remote to un-pause the screens.

"It's more like four, if you don't count the fact one was a double shot of espresso." I replied, eyes on the screen as she pressed play.

"You're wearing yourself down girl." Calleigh mentioned, also turning her attention to the TV screens.

"I'll sleep after this case." I promised.

It was two minutes later when I found myself staring at something I sincerely hoped I was imagining.

"Calleigh I think I've got him." I muttered, feeling utterly sickened at the image in front of me.

Calleigh twisted her head towards the screen I was pointing at, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

"So we know that he didn't take Ruthie, he was playing pocket pole instead." Calleigh stated, as we both leaned back in our chairs, staring at the screen in silence.

"I think my retinas haven just been burnt out of their sockets." I told her, rubbing my eyes and trying to get the image of that guy out of my head.

"He still violated parole; he is still going back to prison." Calleigh assured me pressing stop once Repkin had reached orgasm.

"You wanna be the one to tell Horatio or should I?" I asked Calleigh, as we both rose to our feet, still disturbed by what we'd seen.

"I'll tell him, you go get yourself some coffee before you fall down where you stand." Calleigh said openly.

"I look that bad huh?" I inquired, pushing my hair away from my face.

"You've looked better." Calleigh reasoned.

"I'm just finding it impossible to sleep at the moment; I have so many things rushing around my head all the time. I think its part of the adjusting period, it's killing me though." I admitted.

"Have you tried sleeping tablets?" Calleigh asked as we stepped towards the door the AV Lab.

"I won't, I still have that paranoia after the fire…" I pursed my lips together as Calleigh held the door open.

"That's understandable. You hadn't woken up, you would have died. Do you think that's part of the reason you can't sleep now?" Calleigh questioned thoughtfully.

I shrugged.

"Who knows? You want sugar in your coffee?" I said trying to change the subject.

Calleigh gave me a wide smile, holding up two fingers, indicating two sugars.

"Good luck with Horatio." I called back over my shoulder as I began walking away to retrieve the caffeine I so desperately needed.

* * *

"Kate."

I shot up bolt right in my seat, groggy and stiff as I heard my name being called again. I glanced up surprised to see Horatio standing over me, a small smile crossing his face as I looked around at the desk in front of me confused before realizing what must have happened.

I'd fallen asleep, face down at my desk.

"Shit, I'm so sorry Horatio, I must have closed my eyes for a second…" he held up a hand to silence me as I shuffled the papers in front of me trying to get them into some sort of order.

"That's ok Kate…You've been tired a lot recently… I think we need to talk about that." Horatio stated quietly before pulling up a chair along side me and slipping into it.

I bowed my head, focusing on the papers in my hands.

"I'm fine, really…" I mumbled.

"I think you know that's not true is it?" Horatio said softly.

I bit my bottom lip and shook my head before raising my eyes to his.

"There are things that I can't seem to get out of my head…I don't want to go to sleep because then I know I'll dream and I don't want to dream. I don't want to have the nightmares Horatio… I really don't."

I clenched my jaw, trying to compose myself as he watched me thoughtfully. I turned my head away, pretending to be distracted by something on the desk.

"Here's what I'm going to do." Horatio began. "When this case is over, you going to take a few days leave, and your going to come back well rested. If I think that you're still run down after that, I'm going to have to recommend the department shrink."

My eyes were on him wide and alarmed at his last part. Horatio's hand was on my arm, rubbing it gently.

"There is no shame in getting a little help Kate, especially after what happened to you." He reassured me.

I looked down at the papers in my hands, letting out a deep sigh and nodding.

"Ok so what do you have?" Horatio asked, switching into professional mode with ease.

I rose to my feet, pointing in the direction of the foot print.

"Our guys defiantly not a first timer, shoes are too big for him, I'm thinking maybe three sizes from the impression, but its hard to be sure. There as soil outlining the print so I sent it over to Trace. Speedle should be taking care of it."

"He has, Megan's running a location right now. That's what I came to tell you." Horatio informed me.

"You mean we may have found the guy?!" I exclaimed, shedding my lab coat.

"That's what we're going to find out."

* * *

The house was more like a shack on the outskirts of a national park. I rode with Calleigh on the way in, unable to take my eyes off the building in front of us.

"Kits and gloves people. Leave no stone unturned." Horatio bellowed before any of use stepped inside.

The inside was worse than the outside. Dust covered every surface, it became clear that this place wasn't lived in, it was played in.

Each of use took a different section of the shack. I found myself opening the wardrobe staring at something at my feet, sets of shoes in a variety of different shapes and sizes. All made for kids.

My gaze travelled upwards, as I flashed my crime light at the closet's main occupants. Multicoloured clothing, I flicked through them. Uniforms, for kid's places, we had a whole dozen in here. I felt my mouth go dry wondering how many the bastard had actually used.

"Got disguises in the closet, all different kids play areas." I informed Horatio pulling out of the closet and pushing the door shut.

I turned to face Tim as he stepped through another door way and dumped a huge plastic box onto the floor in front of us. It was filled with video tapes. I swallowed hard, already knowing what it was.

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg." He warned us.

From where I was standing I could see the labelling on the videos were all hand written not typed.

"Home made porn." I murmured.

Tim raised his eyes to mine, looking utterly sickened and I knew his expression matched mine.

The numbness was back, taking over me like it used to when I was UC. It took control, making me indifferent and rational until it wore off. For once I was glad for it, I couldn't see myself coping with seeing all this shit, any other way.

"He's got all these milk cartons lined up here." Eric remarked, shining his touch on the name and picture of each child as he skimmed across them over looking the window.

"You think souvenirs?" I asked Horatio as he gazed out of the window, looking absolutely appalled.

"I'm thinking gravestones." His voice was quiet but his words had the effect of a small explosion.

My heart was thudding in my chest as I followed his gaze to the yard outside seeing a spate of fresh dirt.

A chill ran up my spine as I felt my stomach wretch a little.

We were looking at a grave yard.

* * *

Nightfall had set in long ago and we were still working like dedicated soldiers through it. The flood lights was shining one the ground surrounding us as we worked on our own patches of dirt, searching for bodies and evidence. We were tireless and devoted, digging up body after body. Each one holding some new form of horror, as the body count rose.

Some of the children were buried naked, others partially dressed.

It was the little girl with her arms wrapped around a broken doll that got me. She was clutching it so tightly Alexx had trouble removing it from her grasp. I felt myself choke, watching Alexx gently tugging it from the little girl's arms, talking as if she was easing the child away from her favourite toy.

I was struggling to hold back the tears now as Alexx cradled the doll delicately and handed it gently towards me.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry you had to see this." Alexx whispered to me softly as she caught sight of the tears running down my cheeks.

"I have to see what he did to them, otherwise it's like they didn't exist." I murmured, tucking the doll into an evidence bag and sealing the tape.

Alexx nodded her agreement.

"The more bodies we find the more parents we can offer closure to. Still it doesn't make the job any easier. Why don't you go over there and take a little break? You've been working with me all night Kate." Alexx urged, pointing in the direction of the command tent.

I shook my head, and glanced at the shallow graves surrounding us.

"There's still so much left to do." I said sadly.

"You're like him you know." Alexx told me.

"Who?"

"Horatio. You won't rest until the last child is dug up and everyone else is asleep in their beds." Alexx informed me.

"It's the only way I can be." I responded.

Alexx's eyes were on me curious and patient.

"You're too young to see all this horror. Sometimes I see you, and Calleigh and Eric and Timmy and think you're all too young to do this job. You should be out having fun, and travelling or something. But no matter what I think I have to admit you all give it everything you've got. When it comes to something like this, that's important, despite the fact I think you shouldn't have to see it."

"We have to work with what God gave us. Isn't that one of your sayings?" I pointed out.

"So you do listen to me after all child." Alexx smiled a little.

"All the time Alexx." I admitted.

"Then you'll take a break?" Alexx persisted.

"I will when you will." I countered.

"That won't be for a while sugar, I have a few more to get through." She said, looking around at the bodies the others had dug up.

"Then I'll work with you until we put the last child to rest." I told her.

"If you were a red head I'd say you were Horatio's daughter through and through." Alexx stated, indicating for her team to come over to move the little girl's body into a black body bag.

"Red never was my colour." I said softly as we both rose to our feet, felling silent as the morgue guys rolled over the gurney.

* * *

The ride back to the lab was silent. Calleigh was driving, her gaze staring dead ahead as her limbs worked mechanically to control the car as we sped through the streets of Miami.

I knew she was processing, just like I was. Going over every single detail. The costumes he's used, the porn he'd watched, the porn he'd made. What he'd done to each victim. I could see them all there in my head, each name, each face.

That little girl and her doll…

My stomach rolled as my throat constricted suddenly. I braced myself on the dashboard with my hand.

"Pull over." I said suddenly.

Calleigh didn't even question me. She yanked the wheel so hard we cut across two lanes of traffics, tires squealing to a halt as she slammed on the breaks.

My hand clapped over my mouth, as my stomach wretched, I managed to grasp the door hand and kick open the door before darting out of the car and throwing up inside the first bin I came across, which happened to be just along side the Hummer.

My hands gripped the metal so hard, it left indents on my palms as I bent over it coughing and spluttering, before vomiting into it. Calleigh's hands were on my hair, smoothing it back and holding it in place as I stood there waiting for by body to stop reacting to the shock of what we'd seen. I knew this moment had been coming I just hadn't expected it so soon, and having Calleigh bear witness to it seemed humiliating.

"You ok now?" Calleigh asked after I stood there for a few minutes still hunched over the metal container trying to get my breath back.

I nodded unable to trust myself to speak. I was exhausted and clammy. The past forty eight hours were taking its toll on my body. I was ready to curl up and die.

I straightened myself as Calleigh passed me her bottle of water from the Hummer. I took it gratefully, and took a swig of it spitting in the bin to rinse my mouth.

"You're not the only one to throw up over a crime scene you know. I've thrown up at one's far less worse than this. We all have our breaking points Kate and you just reached yours." Calleigh reassured me rubbing my back.

"I don't understand how that sick son of a bitch can do something like that to a child, to that many children. I just can't comprehend it." I tried to explain.

"I know but the truth is, you're never going to be able to comprehend it. You need to let go of the how he could do that and focus on the catching him part. We're almost there Kate we almost have him." Calleigh comforted me, her words were soothing but I still couldn't get the image of those kid's faces out of my head.

Calleigh was guiding me back to the Hummer now, and I was still swigging from the water.

"You right." I muttered as we climbed in. "We almost have him."

Calleigh's phone erupted suddenly with noise, serenading us with the Bad Boy's theme tune.

"I can not believe you have that as Delko's ring tone." I told her closing the door to the Hummer behind me and buckling my seat belt again.

Calleigh shot me one of her sweet southern grins.

"At least I know whose calling." She remarked before flicking her phone open.

"Duquesne." She answered.

I tilted my head back against the seat, feeling the tiredness spread through my body. Calleigh snapped her phone shut before turning to face me in her seat.

"We've got him."

* * *

Metallica was playing in his head phones as Speedle bowed his head muttering along to Enter Sandman, as he finished the final assessments of the evidence in front of him.

They had a shit load to put that bastard Otis in the chair, but he liked putting the finishing touches on a case like this. He liked being methodical and knowing they'd done they're best and seeing the results of it.

Speedle felt the rush of air as the door to the lab opened. He glanced up expectantly, frowning as he saw only Calleigh enter. He took the head phones off and clicked the pause button on the stereo.

"Hey, where's Kate?" the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Calleigh closed the door behind her, immediately heading to the pictures on the board across from him, and taking each one of them down.

"I took her home; she wasn't very well on the way back. I had to pull over to let her throw up. The poor things been running on empty ever since we started this case." Calleigh remarked, as she began sorting the photographs trying to get them into some form of order.

Speedle tapped his pencil against the table before speaking.

"She ok?"

Calleigh glanced at him over her shoulder, studying him before taking down another set of photographs.

"To be honest I'm not sure. You've noticed how tired she is recently right?"

"Who hasn't? I caught Delko sneaking her more coffee after H banned her from drinking anymore because it would fuck up her stomach." Speed told Calleigh rubbing his hands on his face.

"She's having trouble sleeping at the minute; I think part of it's from the fire. She won't take sleeping pills in case she doesn't wake up. She's been having nightmares too… She mentioned them at the bar the other night. Saying that it took a lot of alcohol to get her to open up."

"She was never like this before…" Tim stated, running his hands through his hair and sighing deeply, wondering what the hell he should do.

"U.C messes with people's minds…There's probably a lot of things Kate's seen that she hasn't told a single soul and stuff like that is hard to deal with. Imagine six years of keeping your mouth shut and then suddenly been thrown back into this environment. It's gotta be tough." Calleigh murmured to herself, as she analysed one of the photographs in front of her, before reaching take taking it down.

"It can't be easy for her coming back here and working with you either." Calleigh added, turning to face him as she shuffled the pictures so they were straight as she tucked them into the brown manila folder.

"I'm trying to make that as easy as possible for her but its not easy for me either, you know, she broke my heart." Speed snarked.

Calleigh raised her eyes to his. Speed turned his head away, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What am I supposed to do Calleigh? Just forget about it? It's hard for me too." Speed tilted his head towards Calleigh looking for an answer.

"I'm just saying right now she needs somebody, and you used to be that somebody. I know you two have a difficult past, but can't you just put it aside for one night?" Calleigh pleaded.

Speed stared at her long and hard as she started to pout at him, before picking up his head phones and replacing them over his ears.

"I'll think about it." He told her before pressing the play button to drown out the bundle of confusion inside him.

* * *

I was lying on my side on the couch still fully clothed, my arms wrapped around myself as I watched Everyone Loves Raymond. It was a rerun but right now it was the only thing keeping my mind off the dead children.

I felt my eye lids begin to flutter closed. I was trying to keep them open but Raymond's voice was soothing. Sleep was inevitable really…

A sudden hard knocking on the front door jerked me wide awake, heart pounding in my chest as I put a hand against my rib cage to calm myself. The pounding came again, scaring the shit out of me. I wasn't expecting company tonight. My gaze went to my gun along with my badge in a pile on the coffee table. I snatched up my gun, flicking the safety off and heading towards the door.

I rose on my tip toes, glancing through the peephole before clicking the safety back on and opening the door.

Tim was standing there, sunglasses covering his eyes, light denim jacket thrown over his broad shoulders. His eyes were on the gun clutched tightly in my hand before straying to my face.

"Paranoid much?" he responded, taking his sun glasses off.

"It's an old habit." I informed him wearily, setting the gun down on the table next to the door.

Tim bowed his head nodding and biting his lip.

"You wanna go for a ride or something?" he asked tentatively.

I frowned, not seeing a car in the immediate area instead a gleaming yellow Ducati. I find myself smiling despite myself. I grabbed my brown corduroy jacket and slipped it over my shoulders as I darted past him and towards the bike.

I ran my hand over its shiny ridges before looking up at him as he strode towards me grinning, watching as I did it.

"Is this baby yours?" I purred as Tim replaced his sunglasses.

Tim simply nodded, before climbing onto the bike and patting the leather seat behind him.

"And you called me the risk taker." I remarked, slipping into the seat behind him.

"I like to ride without a helmet, you like to flirt with mobsters, there's a difference." He informed me as I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist.

My whole body was pressed against him. I felt Tim relax against me as he settled into my grip, his hand on the throttle.

"You ready?" he asked, glancing over my shoulder.

"You ever have a passenger before?" I asked as he kick started the engine.

"Gotta say you're my first." He told me, making my heart pound harder in my chest.

"You kill me Tim Speedle and I will haunt your ass." I warned him.

"Don't you trust me?" he chuckled.

I hesitated before answering, my chin resting on his shoulder.

"With my life." I answered honestly.

Tim said nothing in return. He simply revved the engine as I buried my face in his back.

"I'll start off slow." He promised.

"You know the way I like it Mr Speedle." I replied, simply enjoying the feel of his body against mine.

"You are so inappropriate." He muttered, revving the engine for a second time.

"Just the way you like it." I teased before he kicked off and we were speeding along the road, wind in our hair, without a care in the world.

* * *

The sun was setting cross the sea as we leaned on the railing that over looked the beach. The mixture of orange, red and yellow looked stunning on the aqua marine water. The air had cooled just enough so make the air chilly.

The silence between us was a comfortable one as we stared out to sea both lost in our own thoughts.

"Why'd you leave Kate?"

His words were sudden, and startling. He didn't even turn his head towards me as he spoke. I bowed my head and focused on my clasped hands.

"It wasn't that simple Tim." I told him, hoping to avoid this but at the same time wanting to tell him so badly it almost hurt.

Tim's head twisted towards me, his eyes studying the profile of my face.

"Explain it to me."

"I didn't want to…It's just…I'm not even sure how to explain." I began, trying to formulate the words together. "I never meant to be gone for as long as I was. It was supposed to be a quick in and out job, but things got too complicated and I was in too deep."

"If it was only meant to be a short time then why go like that? Why write a letter and end it way you did?" Tim questioned.

I rubbed my hands together gently, still pretending to be interested in them.

"There was always that chance I wasn't going to come back." I responded.

Tim shook his head before staring out to sea again.

"I looked for you, you know. Even after everything you'd done, moving out of the apartment and leaving that note, I still looked for you. But you were gone; there was no trace of you at all."

The revelation didn't surprise me as I knew he expected it to. I knew he's try to follow. I'd taken steps to ensure he didn't. Just in case.

"That's because I wanted there to be no way that I could be traced back to you. If I ever got made I didn't want the Mob to find out about you, so the FBI made sure there were no tracks for you to follow. Joey was the only one who knew anything about you and they paid him well to keep his mouth shut." I said dully.

"Was it Joey that got you in?" Tim asked quietly.

I was lost in the thoughts, and the pain that went along with all the memories the whole situation had created. I knew I'd given Tim a hell of a lot of heartache, he deserved the truth.

"That was the original plan. Joey was quite high up in the Family. They wanted me to go in as his wife. Say he got hitched after meeting me at Columbia, whirlwind romance and introduce me as his wife. The Family accepts family straight away it would have been the easy way…"

"But?" Tim pressed.

I let out a deep sigh before continuing.

"Joey wanted a little extra on the side and I'm not talking about money, the perks of marriage he called it. I couldn't do that, I just…" I raised my eyes skyward for a second. "I'm not that kind of girl and so close after breaking up with you…I just couldn't so I told the FBI to find another way. They had a guy at a lower level, he brought me in on a job, then boom, I was in." I confided.

"Joey always did have a thing for you." Tim commented, as he moved into a more comfortable position, his back against the railing, his elbows resting on the bar on top.

I shrugged.

"Try as he may nothing ever came of it." I answered Tim's unspoken question.

"How did they even approach you? There are literally hundreds of candidates, more suited for the job than you, but they picked you. Why you?" he asked, trying to make sense of the situation.

"It's actually a really awful thing when I think about it but it worked. I apparently resembled Sully Genovese's dead daughter. I saw a picture once; the resemblance was actually quite striking."

I did not want to risk glancing at his face; I was scared of what I might see.

"I was handpicked and trained by Raymond Caine to go U.C, because of the way I looked. I was the only person who could do it; at least that's what he told me. I ended up convinced that it was true…"

"You're telling me that Horatio's brother, that Raymond Caine, took you a side and demanded you go U.C because you looked like the dead daughter of a Mob boss." Tim stated slowly, trying to take the whole thing in.

"That's pretty much how it went down." I confirmed.

I twisted my head to meet Tim's doe brown eyes.

"I wanted to come back so badly you know. I used to lie awake at night, wondering what the hell you were doing, if you were happy…"

His lips were on mine, demanding and urging. His hand was in my hair pulling me hard against him. I melted into that kiss, his tongue seeking out mine as heat rushed through me. My hands were moving by their own accord, grasping his shirt and yanking him even closer so I could feel him lean and firm against me, making me moan into his mouth.

As quickly it had started, it was over again. I found myself surprised and breathless as Tim stepped away mid kiss, the look on his face was one I rarely remembered seeing. I knew he was withdrawing back into himself, drawing up his walls again, blocking me out.

"I think we better get back." Tim said gruffly, crossing his arms over his chest.

I swallowed hard, before nodding.

"Sure, whatever you want." I uttered, as he climbed onto the bike.

As I slipped on behind him, I wondered if there was a chance in hell that he would ever forgive me.

* * *

"Thanks for the ride…" I said softly fiddling with my keys in the open doorway as he stood before me. "Do you wanna come in or something? I mean we can watch TV."

Tim let out a deep sigh, toying with the sun glasses in his hands. His gaze was on something in the distance. He was conflicted, I knew it and he knew it.

"Kate, I don't really think…"

"I just don't want to be alone." I whispered. "I keep seeing their faces…"

I turned my face away so he couldn't see the tears I knew were welling in my eyes. I clenched my jaw tightly trying to stem the emotion aching in my chest.

"I'll take the couch." He said quietly, reaching out and stroking the hair from my face.

I nodded, as his fingertips brushed away the tears that were trailing down my cheeks.

"Kate…I'm sorry."

I was in his arms, and I was breaking down. My face was buried in his chest as I clutched his shirt in my hands. His arms were wrapped around me, holding me tightly against him. My chest was heaving, as he whispered soothing words in my ear, his hand caressing my hair as his lips brushed my hair line.

"I am so sorry Kate, for not being there. I wanted to so badly…" he murmured.

I could hear the sincerity in his voice as I raised my head to meet the terrible sadness in his beautiful brown eyes.

"You're here now and right now I just need you to hold me and tell me everything's going to ok." I told him softly.

Tim's warm hands were on my shoulders now, rubbing up and down my arms soothingly as he spoke.

"Whatever you need Kate."

* * *

The ringing was loud and instant snapping him out of the deep sleep he'd been lulled into. Something was tickling his face. He pulled back slightly, looking down at the Kate as she lay on her side, her face pressed into the nape of his neck, her fully clothed body entangled in his, under the blanket they shared on the couch.

The TV was still blaring at a low volume in the background, showing something he didn't recognise. The last thing he remembered was some kind of lawyer show called Boston Legal.

His phone was ringing again; he managed to slip it out of his back pocket without making much movement, so not to wake up Kate, who was already mumbling in her sleep.

"Speedle." He answered quietly without checking the caller I.D.

Kate was shifting in her sleep, snuggling closer against him, her breath tickled his neck, causing him to let out a blissful sigh as his arm wrapped around her body, trying to make her feel as safe and secure as possible.

The voice on the other end surprised him, and he found himself wishing he hadn't answered at all.

"Megan, I'm busy." he stated firmly in a low tone.

Megan was arguing with him now, trying to persuade him to come over. She needed him.

"You don't need me." He said. "You need somebody, anybody. It was never me you needed."

She was pleading now, begging and that was becoming annoying because the truth was, the person who genuinely needed him was curled up in his arms right now and she was beginning to stir.

"I told you I'm busy. Don't call me again, not for this." He hung up, switching his phone onto silent and off vibrate.

Kate was mumbling again now about the phone call, still half a sleep, her body warm and soothing against him.

"Shh." He whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead. "Go back to sleep."

Kate nodded, her soft cheek pressed against his. He could feel her heart beating against his chest, and remembered how he relished moments like this.

Moments where everything felt right again.

* * *

**A few little thank you's to go out there to my homies. **

_**Thank you to Mauveine for giving me this wonderful song, and for betaing. She also gave me a little more help with the chapter.**_

_**Thank you to Browneyedgirl75 for giving me a little help along the way. **_

_**And of course Thank you the readers, without you there wouldn't be a story.**_

_**R&R please, my muse loves the reviews!**_

_Photogirl: I'm glad I'm still keeping you with me, I thought I'd lost you for a minute back there!_

_Lapland: lmao! Thanks so much! The snarkiness came to me as I was writing it, she just hates the Hamilton's because she knew what Drake did all those years ago and in the episode they lay it on pretty thick. I keep dropping in more background on each chapter so it makes sense and it's not too overwhelming for a reader. I am glad you like it._

_Mauveine: I always look forward to getting your reviews, because their so detailed. I didn't want to make Tim give in too easily because I can pretty much see him holding onto it for a while. He still cares for her and it was hard to get that balance. I think she is everyone's least fav char lol. I wanted to show Megan's and Tim's relationship, but not a huge factor just the idea that there was one and it was pretty one sided. Lol The Hamilton's was a complete surprise, I had a few lines I was toying with and then suddenly I'd written that exchange and was like she is a bad girl! Trust me about the locker room thing, they so wanted to kiss, I was having trouble not writing them doing it, I wanted to show the emotions was there but their both very, very weary of each other._

_Blue: lol you can bake me brownies if you want, I do like then or a cake, oh how abut a cheesecake. Lol sorry I went off on cheesecake fantasies for a little there. Yea it was Megan I know you were being hopeful, wishing it wasn't and all but it did happen but your ok, he broke it off. It has taken me days to write this chapter lol and it's been hard s hell but I'm glad I got it finished._

_Maddy: lol I always get that nagging feeling when I'm watching the first ten eps that there was a little something there, and I just expanded on it a little. There's a hell of a lot of background to put in, hence why you learn something new in ever chapter. I'm glad you liked the chapter._

_Brown: lol I thought Fenwick was but Bernstein happens to be the hot detective, if we're talking about the guy from Grave Young Men who Alison is flirting with at the beginning. I so wanted to smack that chick. Lmao! Leave him alone you bully he's still hurting deep inside lol. Seriously tho hun, if that was me, I'd be like Clothes! Off! Now! Lol the havoc we'd cause owning CBS! You made me blush with your first comments. Thank you so much!_


	7. Chapter 7: Breathless

Chapter Seven: Breathless

_You speak to me in riddles_

_You speak to me in rhymes_

_My body aches to breathe your breath_

_Your words keep me alive_

_And I would be the one to hold you down_

_Kiss you so hard_

_I'll take your breath away_

_And after, I'd wipe away the tears_

_Just close your eyes dear._

_Sarah McLachlan - Possession_

The sun was blazing as I stepped out of my silver BMW Coupe, black sun glasses over my eyes, to shield them from the harsh morning glare. I flicked the auto lock and alarm on before slipping my keys into the new black, shiny leather bag on my shoulder.

My dark ankle boots clicked across the tiles as the automatic door opened allowing me through, as I propped my sun glasses on my head.

Tim and Eric were standing in the doorway to the Crime Lab, eyes on me.

Tim was biting his bottom lip as his eyes swept upwards from the boots up my grey, boot cut linen trousers that hugged my hips and ass just right. He tilted his head as I stood there, arms crossed, raising an eyebrow as he took in the black, angel sleeve top, that showed a little skin before sweeping up to my bemused expression.

"You want me to take a picture or are you good with just staring?" I teased light heartedly, hand on my hip.

"Can you turn around a little? I'm trying to admire the view from the back." Tim returned as I rolled my eyes, a grin playing across my features as I stepped towards them.

"I know that grin." Delko remarked with a wide smile of his own. "Someone either got very lucky last night or went shopping."

I feigned innocence at his words.

"From the look of that handbag, I'm guessing Calleigh took her shopping." Tim remarked.

"You, Mr Speedle, would be right." I stated as Eric held the door open for me.

"So did you guys going shopping for anything else…underwear maybe." He added hopefully as him and Speedle followed me through.

I winked at Eric over my shoulder before commenting.

"Whatever happens in the changing rooms stays in the changing rooms. So did you guys miss me? Did anything interesting happen?" I asked them as we all strolled down the corridor towards the locker room.

"In the two days that you were gone we had maybe a little blood spatter you could have helped out with, otherwise…nah didn't even notice you weren't around." Tim joked, as we stepped into the locker room.

His jacket was already off his shoulders leaving me to admire his muscular frame for a second before ducking behind my own locker door as he twisted his head to glance at me.

"What Speed means to say is we're glad your back to stir things up a little, seriously it's been boring as hell the last two days." Eric told me clipping his badge and gun into his belt.

I shoved my handbag into my locker before following suit, shutting the locker door as my cell phone went off, along with Delko's and Speedle's.

"Anyone else get Coconut Grove?" I inquired as the other two men snapped their phones closed.

Delko raised his hand, indicating he had too.

"One of you needs to trade with me. I got a boat scene with Megan," Speed stated, his gaze on Eric, arms crossed over his chest.

"You always work with Megan." Eric pointed out frowning as he looked at Speed studying him.

"Not anymore."

Speed's eyes were on me expectant. I tilted my head giving him a stoic look.

"You really think that if I switch scenes with you that it's going to turn out any better than if it was you and Megan. One of us will end up at the bottom of that ocean and I look too damn hot today for it to be me." I reminded him, still fiddling with my badge clip.

"I'll trade." Delko told Speed, who looked more than relieved. "But you owe me."

Tim squinted at Delko before rolling his eyes.

"I'll buy you a round next time we're at the bar." He offered, as a wide grin spread across Delko's face.

I closed my locker as Eric patted Speed on the shoulder.

"Glad you finally came to your senses man." Eric remarked before slipping out of the door.

Tim frowned, looking pointedly at me.

"I didn't tell him about you and Megan, he's a CSI, he probably picked it up the same way I did…Detecting." I reminded him as we drifted towards the exit.

"Yea well, that's well and truly over, and the less cases we get put on together the better." He muttered as we stepped into the lift and he pressed the button for the parking garage.

"She called the other night." I remembered hearing his voice in my half asleep state saying her name.

Speed bowed his head and nodded.

"I thought you were asleep." He commented.

"It was the only time I woke up that night." I answered honestly.

From the look on Tim's face I knew he was secretly pleased by that.

"No nightmares?" he inquired.

I shook my head with a small smile.

"Not one. My subconscious must have known I had someone watching over me." I said softly.

"Kate about the other night…" Tim drew to a halt; hand on the door to the parking garage.

I held up my hand to silence him, being careful not to betray my own emotions.

"You don't need to say anything. We both needed someone that night and it just happened to be each other. You've always been a great sense of comfort to me, there's something about you that just… You make me feel safe and I needed that."

My heart was screaming at me, telling me to shut the hell up, what was I doing? Whilst my head already knew the answer to that question. I was making this easier for him.

"So you don't have to say anything more about it. I understand it's not gonna be a regular occurrence, we weren't trying to chase the past, we were just trying to deal with the now."

"So no hard feelings because I don't want to leap head first back into a relationship with you?" Speed queried raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head.

"I'd be alarmed if you did. I did an awful thing to you back then, I can't expect you to forgive or forget, although I know you're trying." I reasoned.

Tim was staring down the corridor now.

"I'm trying Kate, I really am."

I reached out and touched his arm gently; his gaze was on my hand now.

"I know." I said quietly before yanking open the door to the parking garage and grabbing the keys to the Hummer.

"Erm…Who said you were driving?" Speedle asked, as I turned to face him, raising my eyebrows.

"The keys in my hand." I retorted, jingling them just out of his reach.

"Last time you drove, you nearly hit a tree." Speedle reminded me.

"A dog ran out in front of the car, what was I supposed to do hit it?" I returned as we stepped towards the Hummer.

"You could have swerved left instead of right. Or braked."

"I did break."

"Before we hit the tree." Tim reminded me stopping short at the front of the Hummer.

"I am not handing over these keys Speedle, you want them your gonna have to fight me for them, and for the record I know you'd never hit a girl." I pointed out as I opened the driver's side door.

"If I die due to your reckless driving, you'll have to explain to Horatio why he just lost his best crinimalist." Tim warned me as he slipped into the passenger side seat, and pulled his belt on; making sure it was taunt against him.

"You are not his best crinimalist." I snorted "Calleigh is."

Tim put a hand to his heart pulling a face that made me burst out laughing as I stuck the key into the ignition feeling the engine purr as I turned it.

"You just damaged my fragile ego." He informed me with a boyish grin.

"Please…" I muttered, shifting the gear stick. "You have the biggest ego I know."

"You like big egos, if I wasn't so self confident, you wouldn't have looked twice at me." Tim said as I backed out the parking garage.

"Not true, it was your eyes that got me." I told him, glancing over my shoulder to keep an eye on the road.

I could tell he was surprised by the expression on his face as I turned my head back to face the road in front of me.

"I can't believe I never told you that." I said with a sad smile as I pushed my foot down on the accelerator.

"I never asked, and it's not something that we talked about." Tim recalled, his focus straight ahead, looking for stray dogs I guessed.

"We never talked about a lot of things." I remarked thoughtfully.

"You going undercover was one of them." Tim shot back.

The silence between us was heavy and thick, as I realized he was never going to let this go, he was always going to be angry. The tension in the car heightened, making the drive to the crime scene uneasy as Tim's eyes stayed focused on the window beside him, hand next to his mouth, deep in thought.

* * *

"The vic's name is Noel Peach, he's a college student." Bernstein told us as he guided us through the beautiful expensive mansion and out into the huge garden still decorated in party paraphernalia. The massive pool decorated with rose petals.

We drew up next to Horatio, who was crouched down next to the body, along side Alexx who was giving Noel the once over.

"Wow…" I muttered taking in the modestly covered young man.

Noel Peach was in his prime. His naked body was in good shape, in fact better than most men I had seen hit the Miami beaches. No wonder he was a stripper. A body like that, you use it to the best of your ability especially if you had college fees to pay. My eyes lingered on the pink silk material spread across his male area.

Speedle leaned in beside me as I tilted my head searching for an obvious sign of death.

"You can so tell it's been a long time since you got laid." He whispered.

My cheeks flushed red, at the feel of his breath on my ear and at his words.

"I wasn't…admiring … I was looking for COD." I protested.

Speedle crossed his arms over his chest looking satisfied.

"Sure you were." He remarked smugly.

"She isn't the only one." Alexx informed us both. "It's like the guy just stopped breathing."

I crouched down seeing something shiny sticking out from underneath the pink silk. I cracked open my kit and yanked on a pair of latex gloves, before picking up the sliver of silver and examining it.

"Got a condom wrapper." I told Horatio as I tucked it into an evidence envelope.

"And I have this." I glanced over my shoulder to see Speedle holding up a sunset patterned push up bra by the straps.

"Just your size too." I smirked before seeing something as Alexx turned the body slightly.

"Got some dead mosquitoes here, they're pristine and they look full of blood." I remarked, getting out my tweezers and picked them up as gently as I could before depositing them in to an evidence envelope.

"So whatever killed Noel maybe in the blood." Horatio commented thoughtfully.

"I'll analyse them when I get back to the lab."

"Got strap marks on his wrists." Alexx proclaimed.

"You think bondage?" Tim asked as he bagged the bra.

"Too soon to tell. I'm gonna get him back to the lab and do a full Tox work up." Alexx told us gesturing for the morgue guys to roll the gurney over.

"We gotta houseful of suspects to interview." Bernstein mentioned as I rose to my feet.

"Kate, do you wanna get on that while Speed takes a look around the perimeter?" Horatio called out, his eyes surveying the scene behind his dark sunglasses.

"Of course Horatio." I twisted to face Bernstein.

"You wanna lead the way detective?" I asked, getting out my note book and grabbing my kit.

"Call me Mike. Detective's always been a little to formal for me." Bernstein said with a wink.

I swear I heard Speedle snort as Bernstein led me away form the scene and into the house.

* * *

The sun was blazing down on them, making Eric sweat underneath his shirt. Alongside him Megan pushed her sunglasses onto the top of her head as her eyes fixed on Detective Puig on the opposite end of the pier. He was standing next to a boat, talking to couple who were more than likely the owners of the vessel.

"So this is our first time together." Eric attempted to break the awkward silence between them.

He'd never worked with Megan alone before but he found that the woman unnerved him. She never joked, barely cracked a smile unless it was in Speed's direction. She was stern and her expression was more sombre than the job seemed to warrant.

"You know, you usually work with Speed?" Eric prompted, turning his head slightly to look at Megan as they walked across the wooden panels of the pier.

"Right." Megan returned nodding.

Eric pursed his lips together cursing Speedle, knowing this was going to be the most antagonizing eight hours of his life.

* * *

I was standing in front of a stunning red haired woman, clad in a black halter neck top that showed off all her curves, and black trousers that looked almost skin clad. Even in her dishevelled post party state she could still turn heads. She didn't seem to notice the attention she was getting from the younger male cops in the room.

The only people so far seeming to be unaffected were Bernstein and I, while Bernstein was off interviewing the other women; I'd managed to catch sight of this one as she was cleaning up rose petals.

"So would you mind explaining the concept of a Cupcake Party to me? I'm having a lot of trouble trying to figure it out." I told her politely, still puzzling over the whole issue.

"Cupcake is about sexual liberation, its women getting together to celebrate their sexuality." Melissa Starr raised her beautiful hazel eyes to meet mine almost bashfully before a raising an eyebrow, a sultry smile crossing over her flawless features.

"Haven't you ever wanted to feel liberated?" she breathed, trailing her fingers gently up my bare arm.

I frowned before discreetly taking a step back to break contact with Melissa.

"Oh trust me I'm liberated enough." I remarked, focusing on writing down the concept of Cupcake.

"I bet you are." Melissa whispered, pouting as she leaned forward, brushing the hair from my face and behind my ear.

Her face was literally inches from mine, her eyes on my lips as I stood frozen for a second. Well…this was a first.

"Cupcake isn't about having sex Detective, it's about taking it back." She murmured.

I reached out, resting a hand on her shoulder gently propelling Melissa's body backwards away from mine.

"I wouldn't get too close, I bite." I warned her, with a slight smile.

"Haven't you ever just wanted to stimulate your senses?" Melissa asked, her eyes roving up and down my body, taking in every curve.

"Stimulating yours senses without any release can be frustrating." I pointed out.

Melissa's eyes lingered on my face, she bit her lip and raised her eyebrows before talking.

"Not if it's the right woman, and trust me you'd fit right in here. Maybe I'll even teach you a thing or two." She spoke in a low tone, as she took my hand and slipped her card into it.

Her finger tips tickled my hand as she raked them across my palm.

"Ok…" I said with a little uncertainty, as I pulled my hand away. "First off, I don't swing that way, secondly…" I wrapped my arms around my notebook, giving her a look of distain. "You're a suspect in what looks to be a murder investigation, that occurred in your own home. You don't seem to be too concerned about the man in question."

"The truth is I'm not, he's just another man trying to upset the balance of women's power." Melissa informed me, crossing her arms over her chest.

"So is this all men, or is it a selected few?" I queried, tapping my pen on my own folded arms.

"Haven't you ever felt oppressed by men, objectified even?" Melissa asked me.

I shrugged my response.

"See that guy over there." I turned my head to follow the direction she was pointing in.

Speedle was bent over searching through the bushes for evidence. His unruly dark hair falling over his forehead as we watched him.

"He's been watching you ever since you came in here, like you're his property or something." she spat as I turned back to her, studying her face.

"Is that what your little show was about trying to make him jealous?" I inquired, starting to make sense of her psychology.

"It was protecting you, showing him that he can't get away with looking at you like that. Just like that male Detective over there leering at you." Melissa indicated towards Bernstein.

"I don't need your protection Melissa, that is what they're here for. Do me a favour and take that overtly feministic mambo jumbo as far away out of my personal space as you can muster ok?" I demanded, with a shooing gesture.

Melissa clamped her mouth shut before storming away haughtily. I rolled my eyes as Bernstein appeared at my side.

"You ok?" he asked lightly, his eyes on the fuming red head as she collected yet more rose petals from another vase.

"A little alarmed by her views and forwardness but otherwise dandy." I responded, still glaring in Melissa's direction.

"I was gonna say it looked like she was trying to get a little one and one action with you." Bernstein remarked, never taking his eyes off the woman in front of him.

"That's because she thought you wanted to get a little one on one action with me Detective." I told him, tilting my head in time to see a faint blush climb across his cheeks.

"I told you Kate, call me Mike." He said bowing his head and looking a little bashful.

I pursed my lips together before taking a deep breath. It was best to stop this before it even had a chance to start.

"If I start calling you Mike, you'll start thinking I'm interested." I told him directly.

Bernstein raised his head, his gaze meeting mine as a smile twitched at his lips.

"Don't you think your being presumptuous? How do you know I'm not just being friendly?" Bernstein asked as I turned my back on him to put my notebook in my kit.

"You mean you weren't going to ask me out for a drink or for dinner after we'd finished this case?" I asked, turning around to face him and raising an eyebrow.

Bernstein looked at me surprised at my directness.

"That was eerie." He told me.

I shrugged as I lifted my kit from the work surface and clasped it in my hand.

"So hypothetically…if I did ask you out?" he began.

I held up a hand to silence him.

"I'd keep telling you to take a rain check until you started to resent me for not giving you a chance. You're a good looking guy Bernstein, but I'm not looking for anything at the moment. I have far too many issues running around to get involved with anyone." I explained as we walked together into the garden again, looking for Horatio.

"So not ever?" he asked hopefully as he came to a halt beside the rose bushes.

"I'm sure your gonna make some girl wonderfully happy some day but it ain't gonna be me." I concluded.

"You wanna be friends instead?" he offered his hand to me, grinning from ear to ear.

I was guessing this one of the best rejections the guy had ever had. Saying that just by looking at Bernstein I could tell it wasn't often he got rejected by the opposite sex.

"Friends I can do, but no benefits." I warned, wagging my finger at him.

"I can do that." Bernstein nodded, as I took his hand and shook it firmly.

* * *

The living quarters of the boat were clean but looked used Eric through as he shined his crime light around looking for anything that could be used to cause blunt force trauma.

Megan was still on deck, interrogating the married couple who owned the vessel.

There was a flash light on the work surface, resting in plain sight, the end clotted with what looked like blood and hair. His nose was beginning to tingle a little. He picked up the flash light and brought it closer to his face, studying it with the crime light.

That's when it happened. The tingling got worse and as Eric's eyes rose to the light he sneezed.

The minute the sneeze was over; Eric was cursing himself, for compromising the flash light. Megan's footsteps were on the stairs behind him.

"You get anything?" she questioned as she entered the room.

Eric wasn't sure what he was more surprised about, the fact he'd just sneezed on the evidence or the fact Megan had just spoke three words to him.

"Yea, some blood and hair on the flash light."

"Maybe able to get DNA." Megan murmured, leaning over Eric's shoulder to get a better look.

"I'll bag it and get it back to the lab." Eric muttered, wondering how the hell he was gonna fix this.

* * *

"An orgy is an orgy, no matter what weird little things you're mixing up in it. Drugs, cupcakes, whatever. Noel Peach was the one that got screwed here." Speedle said as we loaded the evidence boxes into the back of the Hummer.

"Cupcakes is definitely a first for me. The idea of having a cake in the immediate area while you're having sex is freaky." I agreed as I handed my box to him, he took it from my hands gently before shoving it inside the vehicle.

As he drew back, I stood on my tip toes to close the back of the Hummer.

"I never took you for someone who played for the same team." I twirled to face Tim as he spoke, his expression unreadable.

I leaned against the closed Hummer door and rolled my eyes.

"I don't play for the same team she was flirting with me to tell you to keep your hands off." I told him, irate.

Tim's hands were on either side of me, body leaning in close as his dark eyes met mine and I saw something I recognized. Jealously, even in our relationship he had been possessive. Not overbearing, just enough for me to find it a turn on when he decided to claim me.

There was hunger in his eyes, the same as there had been back then. His body was inches from mine, I longed to reach out and close that gap. Grab his belt buckle and yank him against me, to show him I was his, and his only.

Instead I did nothing. There were two many boundaries, walls that we'd both erected to protect ourselves.

"Is that what you want? For me to keep my hands off?" he murmured in a husky voice.

His hands were firm and strong as they caressed down my arms and came to rest on my hips. His finger tips dug into the thin sliver of bare skin there, making my body buck a little. His taunt lean body was inches away from mine, my skin already sensitive to his touch before I breathed my answer; my eyes closed enjoying the sensations that were running through my body.

"I don't know. I always liked your hands. You were always good with them...and your mouth." I whispered through barely parted lips.

My breath caught in my throat as his lower body came in contact with mine. His lips were on me, sudden and demanding, his tongue slipping into my mouth teasing my own. I moaned into his mouth as his muscular body pinned me to the Hummer, his knee jammed my legs apart as I arched against him. I felt him against me hard as his hands grabbed my wrists holding them against the Hummer, putting him in complete control. He thrust against me; I bit his lip hard enough to make it bleed at the sheer force of the ecstasy that was rushing through my veins.

To my surprise Tim pulled back, leaving us both panting. His forehead resting against mine, his eyes closed, his body slumped against me as I tried to catch my breath.

Tim opened his eyes; I felt my heart break as I saw the remorse and the regret shining in them.

"Kate I'm sorry…" he murmured, his hand trembling as his finger tips stroked my cheek.

"It's ok." I whispered, my chest and throat aching as I tried to hold back the emotions that raged through me.

Everything hurt so much, and it killed me when he pulled away, arms wrapped around himself looking lost as he cleared his throat. He couldn't look at me; his head was turned towards the house as he spoke.

"I think you better leave before I do something we both regret." His voice broke as he spoke wrenching at my heart even more.

I couldn't speak, I could barely breath. My chest felt impossibly tight, and I was having trouble trying to get a grip back on myself.

Tim was calling out to someone now and I saw Bernstein walking towards us, his eyes flickering to me before resting on Tim.

"Can you give Kate a lift back to the lab?" Tim asked, his eyes never moving from Bernstein.

"Sure. You can throw your kit in the back seat if it's easier." Bernstein offered with a kind smile.

I stared at him before my eyes strayed to Tim, whose jaw was clenched, head bowed, determined not to look at me.

I snatched up my kit before returning my attention back to Bernstein.

"That's fine." I stated, feeling the pain in my chest begin to subside giving way to the cold numbness, I knew and was beginning to love.

Bernstein reached out for my kit, I frowned at him confused.

"Let me take that." He offered his hand out for the kit.

I let him take it from me feeling upset and weary as he led me towards his car, chattering about the Cuban restaurant he thought I might like.

Bernstein hadn't learnt his lesson and apparently neither had I.

* * *

Megan was back again for the third time in an hour she was asking after the DNA on the flash light. Eric had to admit it was getting harder and harder to lie to he. He'd have to tell her eventually. The only reason he hadn't yet was for the sheer fact she was unpredictable.

If this was H he would have had no problem admitting he'd contaminated some of the evidence. H would understand it had been an accident, something he couldn't control. Megan however…

He gave her an uneasy look as she breezed down the corridor towards his lab again. Megan scared the shit out of him. She was so freaking stern and rigid, it reminded him of a teacher in school who used to make him read out loud when he was new to the class. He'd go all red and stutter.

Being around Megan took him straight back to those days and making a mistake like this…She was not going to be impressed.

Best to bite the bullet and get it over with.

Megan was in the lab now her mouth opening to speak.

Eric cut her off before she could get the words out.

"I have something to tell you." He uttered.

Megan frowned, narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest.

"I sneezed on the flash light from the crime scene, so any DNA from it will be useless." Eric blurted out, trying to gauge Megan's reaction as he took a step back.

Megan's hands were on her hips as she glared at him.

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" she snapped.

"Because I didn't know what to do…" Megan interrupted him.

"I can't believe you did this. I knew you were going to make some kind of mistake. I can't believe Horatio brought you onto the team. Tim would never have done anything as stupid as this." Megan was yelling now.

Eric found himself shrinking back at her onslaught as she paced the length of the lab.

"And you didn't even think to tell me either. Jesus! I requested Tim especially for this reason, he's the best damn scientist around here…You are freaking useless."

In the end it was those words that caused Eric to snap.

"Jesus Christ Megan, Speedle swapped cases because he didn't want to work with you!" he erupted, his eyes burning into her like hot coals.

Megan stopped dead, before twisting to face him. The expression on her face was one of complete and utter shock, and Eric wished he could take the words back.

Megan's face was beginning to contort with anger, her fists clenching by her sides.

"He swapped cases with you?" she asked in a dangerously low tone.

Eric recoiled slightly as the full weight of her gaze landed on him.

"Where is he?" Megan seethed.

Eric shook his head, not able to get any words out. Megan spun on her heel and was storming out of the lab in seconds. Eric breathed a sigh of relief as she left, before trying to dial Speed to give him a heads up.

* * *

The locker room was quiet and was giving Tim, the solace he needed to pull himself back together.

That moment at the scene with Kate had been everything he wanted and yet everything he feared at the same time. His emotions were powerful and gripping. Leaving him feeling exposed whenever she was near him. He found it too easy to slip back into the way they used to be and that was becoming a problem.

Seeing that red haired bitch and then Bernstein flirting with Kate had brought back an emotion he hadn't felt in a long time. He was not a possessive man, by nature. Yet there was something about Kate that flicked a switch in his brain, and as soon as that happened he found himself losing control on his feelings and trying to claim her. The worst part was he knew Kate liked that, she enjoyed it.

He felt like he was leading her on, offering something she couldn't have and taking it away. There wasn't a chance in hell he was going to get into a relationship with her again. She'd burnt those bridges when she'd screwed him up so badly he could barely function.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the main door to the locker room slamming open. He turned his head to see Megan, storming towards him, the expression on her face one of severe agitation.

"You switched cases." She accused as he pushed his locker shut and twisted his body to face her.

"I don't want to work with you, I thought you would have got the message when I stopped returning your calls." He told her, arms crossed over his chest.

"This is about her isn't it?" Megan growled, her eyes narrowing.

"Who?" Tim asked, knowing full well who Megan was talking about.

"You and Kate, you were on her case!" she spat.

Tim had to stop himself from laughing out loud at the sheer audacity of this woman.

"Is that what this is about? What are you jealous Megan? Thought I would always be there like a puppy begging for attention whenever you called?" He snarled.

Megan's gaze softened as she took in the anger on his face, trying to open up and show him part of her reasoning.

"She's gonna hurt you Tim, I'm warning you don't get involved." She told him.

Tim stared at Megan incredulously as he listened to her words.

"It can't hurt more than I've already been hurt. At least she has some true feelings for me. She doesn't just need me to fill some physical void." He retorted, shaking his head.

"I care about you Tim a lot. Far too much to see you being used and abused by her again." Megan said stoically.

"You had a hell of a way of showing it Megan, and to be honest with you, I don't want you to care about me. I don't want you to call me; I don't want you to stop by. It's over. Not that there was much there to begin with." Tim snapped, feeling the disgusted with the woman across from him.

"That's a blade that cuts both ways Tim, I won't be there when you need someone to pick up the pieces when she runs off again." Megan scowled at him, things not playing out the way she wanted.

She expected him to be weaker than this. She thought he was playing his own game, seeing if she'd chase him and when she called she thought he'd come running back. Now she was starting to see, she's pushed him too far. Tim wasn't going to be coming back anytime soon, at least not without a little help.

"Don't worry about me. I'll do just fine on my own." He told her, his expression cold as he stepped around her and exited the locker room, leaving Megan behind.

* * *

The observation room wasn't as large as I would have liked. It put me and Tim within a two foot radius of each other. Bernstein was in the interrogation room along with Horatio and Nikki Olson. Me and Tim hadn't spoken to each other since he'd practically thrown me at Bernstein.

We were standing side by side peering through the window listening as Nikki explained that Noel had gone into anaphylactic shock. The silence between us was awkward to say the least. I didn't know what to say to what had happened and apparently neither did Tim.

I was listening closely to Nikki now describing her fantasy about Noel dressing in her clothes. I raised my eyebrows, jaw dropping when she asked Horatio whether he thought about strapping on a pair of four inch heels and push up bra.

"Wow." The word slipped out before I could stop it.

Tim tilted his head towards me frowning in surprise.

"You like to see guys wearing your shoes?" he asked, looking disturbed.

"I like my men manly, you know that. Why you ever think about trying on girl's underwear?" I shot back, a little nerved.

"I can't say that's a fetish that has ever crossed my mind." Tim retorted, shaking his head.

"It would explain why my underwear seemed to constantly disappear." I remarked thoughtfully, my hand by my chin.

"That's because you took it off in strange places." He reminded me.

I felt a grin spreading across my features as my cheeks flushed red.

"That is because you used to take it off in weird places." I corrected.

"Remember the picnic in that park land…" Tim prompted, bowing his head and chuckling.

I found myself laughing despite everything that had happed between us.

"I have this image of the rangers finding them on one of their clean ups" I giggled.

Tim held his hands up in mock surrender.

"Hey I was not looking where I was throwing those things."

I turned my head towards him, our eyes met as we shared the moment.

"You were too busy paying attention to other areas."

Tim gave me a lopsided grin, giving him an innocence that I rarely realized he had.

"You weren't complaining at the time. Or that time at the beach." He reminded me.

I put a hand to my face blushing as I started to giggle again.

"Dear God we had no shame." I smiled, shaking my head, before turning my head to him.

The laughter drifted from us both as the air between us became still again. A calm descending between the two of us as we remembered those events with jovial pleasure, but then the rest came flooding back, all the space in between, all the damage that had been caused.. We were staring at each other as the sadness stretching out between us.

"I've got to…" Tim gestured to the door.

"Yea me too…" I looked down at my hands and nodded.

I waited until I heard the door click shut again before letting out the deep sigh I'd been holding in.

* * *

The Trace Lab was otherwise occupied when I entered to claim my results from the computer. Tim was in the lay out room. An uneasy truce had been formed between us. Our main focus was the case; it was time to keep it professional. There had been moments I'd forgotten that today and I was determined not to do that anymore.

Megan was perched at the table in the centre, her gaze riveted to the papers in front of her. I doubted she'd even heard me come in.

I picked up the paper the printer spat out and held it up to read. The doses for the syringe Nikki had used to jab Noel in the heart were there, and the dosage that had been coursing through Noel's system seemed to low to actually do any damage. I tilted my head from side to side, saying that I wasn't up on the recent medicine doses.

"Tim, will probably be able to make more sense of this." I muttered to myself, eyes still fixed on the paper as I walked towards the door, trying to figure out what the unidentified chemical was on the next page.

"Haven't you hurt him enough" Megan's voice rang out loud and clear, stopping me in my tracks.

I twirled on the spot to face her, thinking I hadn't heard right.

"Excuse me?"

Megan's eyes were on me, her eyebrow arched as she sat rigid in her seat.

"You heard me." She said clearly.

I bit my lip, clasping the papers to my chest before responding.

"I think that's rich coming from the woman whose been using him as a sex toy for the past few months."

My eyes were on hers intense and unwavering. Megan rose to her feet; her palms placed on the desk, leaning over it to glare at me.

"You know nothing…" I cut her off, slipping my papers onto the work surface and smirking.

"I know that he was a replacement fuck buddy for your husband and I think that was pretty unfair on your part since he seemed to have genuine feelings for you." I informed her, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You have no idea about my feelings for Tim. How dare you come in here like you own the place and talk about things you know nothing about!" Megan growled her face contorting in anger.

"When you comment about my relationship with Tim, I get to comment about yours, and for the record sleeping with some one who's practically been a son to you for the past five years is pretty screwed up Megan." I snarked at her, managing to keep my temper even despite the fact Megan was clearly infuriated.

Megan moved around the desk so we were face to face. We were practically the same height, although my heels had an inch or two on her.

"Tim is a big boy, that is our business not yours."

I shook my head before looking at her pointedly.

"You make it my business when you treat him like shit, he doesn't deserve that." I told her calmly.

Megan's fists were clenched by her sides, and she was grinding her teeth.

"That's something you have first hand experience in, isn't it Kate? Treating people like shit. You walked out on him."

Her words rang true, but like hell was I gonna let Megan get the upper hand, not after what she'd done.

"And that's coming from the woman who just told him he wasn't good enough to be anything but your bed warmer." I snapped. "You tossed him aside and left him to pick up the pieces, alone."

"Takes one to know one sweetheart." Megan returned, with a snide smile.

I felt my eyes narrow as I shook my head, my voice cold.

"I'm nothing like you, I came back. I'm trying to make amends for what I did."

"You coming back was the worst thing that could have happened to him, you've fucked up his head so he doesn't know what he wants." Megan's finger was jabbing at my chest now, but I refused to back down.

"That's coming from you of all people, the most fucked up bitch in this place. Tell me Megan was there attraction to Tim before your husband died, or were you just trying to fill the void that Shawn left…"

The force of her hand across my face practically turned my head. The echo of the slap reverberated through the lab so loudly I was positive that there wasn't a single person who didn't hear it. Pain erupted in the left side of my face and from where Megan's ring had caught on my bottom lip. I put my hand to it, seeing blood on my fingertips as I pulled my hand away and straightened myself.

My fist was already clenched by my side. Megan eyed it wearily, looking stunned by her own actions.

I had pushed her; part of me reasoned I deserved it. The other part wanted me to lash out and break that pretty nose of hers.

Yet I did nothing but stand there glaring at her trying to regain my calm and composure, if I lashed out, that would be it. Career over, and kicked out the lab, a reputation as a trouble maker, possibly down to post traumatic stress from being undercover far too long. At least that's what they'd say.

Horatio had gone out on a limb hiring me, against several people's wishes, I knew that, and I wasn't going to disappoint him.

I put my hand to my lip again, dabbing it gingerly with my fingertips. My eyes were on Megan's, hers were still full of rage and fire, but I knew mine were merely cold.

"I'm not gonna hit you Megan, God knows I want to right now but your not worth it. I know that you think you're all tough coming after me, that maybe in your fucked up mind you think this will make me go away and he will come running back into your arms. But I'm not going anywhere. I've made my mistakes and I'm trying to fix them myself." I paused for a second; studying the sticky red blood on my fingers to judge how bad my lip was cut. "You? You're just making your problems grow. I'm not going to retaliate; I'm a much bigger person than you."

I snatched the papers up off the table, hearing the door burst open behind me. I twisted to see Horatio in the door way, frowning at the sight in front of him.

"Ladies, what is going on here?" he demanded in a low tone.

My fingers were still pressed to my lip, blood trailing down the back of my hand.

"I think that's a question you'd best be asking Megan." I told Horatio grimly. "I need to get myself cleaned up before I contaminate something."

Horatio's oceanic blue eyes were on me intently analysing me as I stepped towards him.

"I need you to come to my office after you've cleaned yourself up." Horatio said, handing me the hanky from his breast pocket.

"Thank you." I muttered gesturing to the hanky as I held it up against my lip.

Horatio simply nodded, as I slipped past him and headed towards the locker room to check out the damage and congratulate myself on not punching out the bitch.

* * *

The Trace Lab was silent and empty as I stood in there pouring the Red Kill in a test tube to see if it matched the same strain of nicotine that had killed Noel Peach.

After I'd cleaned up the blood form my lip with Horatio's handkerchief and water form the sink in the break room, I'd gone to his office just like he had asked. Megan apparently had not been very forthcoming in response to why she'd slapped me in the middle of the lab. In the back of my mind I knew that she resented Horatio for taking the position that she thought she could walk back into. Answering to him didn't sit right to her and that's why when he'd asked she had basically walked out muttering about a minor disagreement.

As for me…I trusted Horatio enough to tell the truth. I had been out of order, I had been cruel and I shouldn't have said those things to her. Megan had pushed my buttons and I should have known better than to retaliate. Horatio appreciated the honesty asking if I wanted to file an assault charge against Megan to which I had shook my head.

It was then Horatio had told me Megan had been suspended. He couldn't enforce violence in the workplace and Megan had a two day suspension. I knew this wouldn't help her case to get her position as Head of the Crime Lab back. At the same time there was nothing I could do, the decision had already been made by people higher above me. It was out of my hands.

"I already tested that."

I stopped dead what I was doing, staring at the bottle of Red Kill in front off me, my hair falling over my face. I'd been so lost in my thoughts I hadn't even heard Tim enter the lab.

"You could have mentioned that before I spent five minutes trying to work out a safe way not to get it on my skin." I snapped.

"What's wrong with you?" I could hear the defensive tone in his voice as I turned my head towards him.

Tim was standing, legs apart, arms crossed, a frown etching his handsome features.

"What the hell happened to you?" he asked striding towards me and cupping my chin in his hand.

"Megan and me got into a fight. I was pretty mean to her." I sighed as he examined my lower lip.

"Megan did this to you? What does she look like?" he asked cautiously, before pulling away eyes still on my face.

"Actually I was a good girl; I refrained from smacking her back. I think, I at least deserve a treat for that." I reasoned, whilst pouting.

Tim bowed his head before smirking at me in that knowing way of his.

"Did you clean it out good? You could get a nasty infection." Tim asked, tilting his head upwards so he could see the cut again.

"Will you quit looking at it? You're making me self conscious. And I cleaned it with Horatio's hanky. It'll be fine." I told him shortly.

Tim rolled his eyes at me before grabbing hold of my wrist and tugging me out of the lab and towards the locker room.

"I think I've got something for it in my locker. I should have some antiseptic wipes on the top shelf." Tim told me as he yanked me through the doors and into the eerily silent locker room.

Tim let go of my hand abruptly as we reached his locker. He already had opened his locker and was routing through the top shelf for the small medi-kit he was telling me he kept in there.

"You could have just said that instead of dragging me all the way here, or did you just want an excuse to hold my hand?" I growled at him as he pulled away from his locker, antiseptic wipes in hand.

"Your too stubborn for your own good, you would have just left it to get infected." Tim pointed out taking a wipe from the packet.

"You just don't want it to scar my pretty face other wise you wouldn't have anyone besides Calleigh to ogle." I informed him, as he took a step towards me.

"You are such an egotist." He muttered as he tilted my face upwards to meet his gaze.

His eyes slipped down to my lips, as he folded the antiseptic wipe over his index finger.

"I am not, I just happen to accept I am an attractive single female, working in a largely male populated environment." I said before Tim rolled his eyes.

"You think you can stop talking for a second so I can clean this up for you?" Tim snarked.

I let out a deep sigh before narrowing my eyes at him and parting my lips slightly. The antiseptic stung as it touched the wound, causing me to flinch.

"Sorry." Tim murmured, his fingertip tracing along my lips gently as he dabbed at the cut, making sure it was thoroughly cleaned.

I pulled a face as he took the antiseptic wipe away; his doe brown eyes looking directly into my own evergreen eyes as he tossed it in the trash can next to the bench.

"That tastes freaking horrible." I whined, cringing at the sharp taste on my tongue.

I leaned back on the lockers behind me as Tim's fingers trailed up my arms gently, causing me to shiver a little.

"I can help get rid of the taste." He said in a low tone, his eye never wavering from mine.

It took me a few seconds to realize how close together we actually were. My back was pressed against the cool surface of the lockers. Tim's body was inches away from mine, and it was taking all my self control to not reach out and close that gap between us.

"You got a lollypop in that locker of yours?" I said light heartedly.

Tim let out a hoarse chuckle before placing both his hands on the locker behind me to brace himself as he leant in.

"Something you like better." He whispered, his voice sent shivers up and down my spine.

"Gummi Bears?" I asked hopefully.

I was trying to be the logical one here, but Tim was making it antagonistically hard for me. His body was inches away from mine, sending tingles rushing through me as I tried to keep my head clear. I swallowed hard as his fingers traced along my jaw line, before his hand slipped down to my neck. His finger tips were tickling down the back of my neck. I clenched my jaw, trying not to shudder under his touch.

"You know we should probably…"

His lips were on mine, his hand tightened in my hair, pulling me closer against him. My hands were running through his unruly dark hair as he slammed me against the lockers, his hands running down my back and grasping my ass firmly. His tongue ran along my lips before slipping into my mouth and teasing mine.

I arched against him, my hands running under his shirt over his taunt chest muscles. Tim bucked against me, his fingers digging into my ass as he moaned into my mouth. His hand slid down to my thigh, as he guided my leg over his hip, allowing him direct access to my lower body.

A low growl escaped Tim's throat as he thrust himself against me, his lips raining red hot kisses on my throat, as his free hand toyed with the waist band of my pants, caressing the sensitive skin there. I could feel him hard and firm through his jeans, making me wet at the sheer knowledge that it was all because of me.

I called out his name, my skin flushing under his onslaught, my heart racing as his hand grasped my other leg hoisting me upwards so I could wrap my legs around his waist, forcing a closer skin on skin connection between the two of us. His hands kneaded my ass as his teeth grazed my collar bone; my hands were on his shoulders, nails raking across his shoulders through his shirt, head tilting back in utter bliss.

I saw stars momentarily as my head hit the metal locker behind me. Pain exploded in the back of my head causing a loud sudden thud to echo through the locker room as I swore out loud.

Tim practically jumped back; his hands slipping from my buttocks to my thighs as he dropped me unceremoniously, barely letting me get back on my feet. My hand went to the back of my head, feeling for blood or any other damage as Tim took another step back, his hand rubbing across his mouth.

"I… I'm sorry… I just…I can't…" Tim's eyes were wide, staring at me in disbelief.

I pulled my hand away, glancing down at it to see no blood. It was just a bad bump.

"I didn't mean…" he hesitated, running his hand through his hair before continuing. "Look I'm sorry."

"You know, your saying sorry an awful lot for something that is becoming a regular occurrence." I said softly.

Tim wrapped his arms around himself and glanced at the door before sighing.

"You think I'm leading you on." He stated.

I leaned back against the lockers, staring at my hands.

"I didn't say that." I returned quietly.

"You didn't have to." He muttered.

I sighed, the silence between us stretched until Tim broke it.

"When I'm around you, I feel like its back then, when we were happy and things weren't as screwed up as they are now." Tim confessed.

"I can't help that. I'm trying to keep things separate but you're not helping." I was pacing now, running my hands through my hair as he turned his gaze back to me.

He was sitting down now on the bench ion the locker room looking forlorn, his head in his hands as he spoke.

"I thought I could do this. I thought we could be friends…But this…this isn't working Kate. I'm trying as hard as I can, but you just keep sucking me back in…I can't function when your around."

I let out a deep breath, clenching my jaw. I could feel my temper slipping. The whole day I'd been wrestling with my emotions, trying to fix everything in my head. Trying to make sense of it all. Tim was right, he was leading me on. A mixture of raw anger and utter sadness was filling my veins and I'd been trying to restrain myself all day but I was getting to a boiling point.

I paused my pacing, feeling an imminent tension head ache coming on. I pinched the bridge of my nose in attempt to stifle it.

"So what do you want to do? What do we do?" I asked Tim, feeling bitterness deep inside me and above all hurt.

He closed his eyes tightly before exhaling and opening them again. His arms wrapped around himself as he raised his eyes to me.

"We have to stay away from each other; we have to keep things separate. It's the only way I can deal with you being back in my life." Tim gestured with his hands while he spoke, a clear sign that he was agitated.

I crossed my arms over my chest, and swallowed hard before bowing my head.

"You know what…I can't do this. I can't be around you right now Tim. You are not the only one that is trying their best to get on with their lives. I work damn hard every single day just to live with myself for the mistakes I've made. Every time I look at you I see the biggest regret of my life and it kills me that this keeps happening, because my feelings haven't changed Tim. They never did."

I was yelling now, and I couldn't stop. All that pressure, the anger and the pain that I was feeling was leaking out of me, leaving me feeling tired and emotionally drained.

"I can't fight this anymore Tim. I'm trying to and you ramming me up against Hummers and lockers reminding me of the good old times isn't helping. Especially when you've made it pretty damn clear you want nothing more from me. So you can shove your antiseptic wipes and the little shared jokes we used to have and stick it where the sun don't shine, because I don't want to have to even speak to you unless its work related."

And with that I was out the door, slamming it shut behind me leaving him to wallow in his own misery.

I had had enough of being walked all over. I was sick to death of being hurt.

* * *

We were back at the place where it had all started. Melissa Starr's house was still beautiful and blooming with roses. It was the roses that given her away.

A crime of passion but not in the traditional sense.

For Melissa it was all about the battle of the sexes, a war she thought that women as a sex were losing. It was never about war, it was about power and for the woman who had everything, everything wasn't enough. Melissa needed a thrill.

Melissa Starr was dominant, and Noel Peach's infringement on her life wasn't welcome. The call records showed Noel calling Melissa up to fifteen times a day, the calls lasting up to a minute at a time. Melissa was losing control and then being driven by her own prejudices she decided to put an end to Noel, permanently.

She'd stolen the condom from the school teacher's purse and poured Red Kill into the latex barrier, before using it to give Noel one last ride.

I was standing across from her now, studying her beautiful features in disgust. There was a yell from the garden; I twisted my head to see Speedle holding up the used condom for me to see. His eyes never met mine. Then again I don't expect him to.

"You could have killed yourself." I growled at her. "You killed a guy because he was in love with you."

"Why is it always about what the man wants? His needs, his desires, his orgasm! I thought you of all people would understand" she exclaimed, her face contorting in manic smile.

"I'm never gonna be able to understand." I told her; shaking my head and taking my cuffs off my belt.

"Turn around." I ordered as Bernstein appeared by my side.

Melissa's shoulders slumped in resignation as she did as she was told.

"At least I got a new type of thrill." She cackled as I clicked the cuffs onto her wrists and then tightened them.

"Your gonna be getting a whole new type of thrill where your going." I snarled, grabbing her by the arm and hauling her towards the waiting patrol car, Bernstein flanking us all the way.

I opened the door to the patrol car, while Bernstein helped Melissa in.

"You could have been one of us." She said; that same insane smile never leaving her features.

I found myself run cold at her words, my facial expression becoming blank.

"I could never be like you." I snapped, slamming the car door in her face before hitting the roof twice signally to the driver the Melissa was good to go.

As I watched the car disappear from sight, I realized although the case was closed I was still left feeling unfulfilled and empty.

* * *

The case was over; Noel Peach's family had the closure they deserved and his killer Melissa Starr was now residing in an eight by eight cell. Yet Tim Speedle felt no peace inside his soul.

Usually he felt satisfied when they closed a case, but right now he simply felt numb. Numbness was a feeling he was accustomed to, it was the one thing that had kept him going through the years. The only way he kept living.

Now it wasn't merely something to help him cope, it was his defence mechanism. The walls were closing in again, like they always did when he needed to think and repair. But where had they been when he needed them?

Those walls he erected to protect himself had failed him and now he was watching, with a dull ache in his chest, the woman he had once loved tread down each of the steps leading from the Crime Lab toward her Silver BMW Coupe.

There was no bounce in her steps; the feeling of elation that came with closing a case was absent. She was upset, he could tell in the way she slumped her shoulders, the fact her head was bowed as she stalked towards her car. To the outside world she looked strong, and wilful. But he knew her and he knew right at this moment she was at her most vulnerable; she just hid it better than most.

No matter how much she tried to hide it, he could always see right through her.

Kate was pinching the bridge of her nose again, a clear sign of a tension head ache. She had been on prescription pain killers during the exam period in Columbia, the intense pressure had almost broken them both, but they'd come through with their Master's Degrees. He'd never been as proud as he had when he'd seen her up on that stage at graduation. The only thing they'd had was each other; both of them were orphans in one way or another.

Kate's parents had been killed during her high school days, in a car accident. She didn't talk about it often; it had taken almost a year for her to tell him what had actually happened to her parents. She'd inherited a trust fund at the tender age of twenty one, and used it wisely to fund her way through college, and eventually her MA after she made it through the academy.

His own story was different. His parents were still alive and living in New York. They hadn't spoken since he'd picked up and left after his friend Marty had been paralysed in a freak accident that Tim himself had walked away from virtually unscathed. His parents didn't understand the crippling guilt that plagued him after Marty had died on the operating table during the third surgery to correct his spine. He'd dropped out of education, and disappeared for a year.

He barely remembered that year himself. A lot of booze, a lot of girls, side jobs and a deep downward depression. It was when he ended up in hospital having to have his stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning that Tim decided enough was enough. He needed to get himself back on his feet and he needed help.

So a year after his disappearance Tim made the one call he'd been dreading. He called home.

His father had put the phone down on him, immediately. He was dead to them.

So Tim Speedle learnt to pick up the pieces of his life, alone.

Then he met Kate Callahan and everything changed. He discovered someone exactly like him, and it startled him how easy she was to be around. He found himself opening up and telling her things he'd not told a soul before. He liked trusting someone like that. She believed in him and she gave him hope. He started to live again, and he knew he had her to thank for it.

Watching her now, he wondered where that girl had gone. Kate had changed and so had he, but his emotional battlefield between them had not. His heart kept telling him that she was the same as always, she was Kate. He loved Kate, he trusted her. Hence why he was slipping backwards again.

Just having her near him brought back feelings and memories he kept buried or hidden in the box at the back of his closet. He couldn't stand next to her without feeling his heart beginning to beat a little faster in chest, just like it used to whenever she walked into a room and smiled at him, her secret smile, the one she used only for him.

Kate was inside her car now, sitting in the driver's seat. The engine wasn't running, she was just sitting there, the back of her hand near her mouth her elbow resting against the padding underneath the window of the door. The deep set weariness on her face told him exactly how she felt, she was emotionally exhausted and he knew he was the source of that.

They were back to square one it would seem after her explosion in the locker room. He had to admit he deserved it. He'd given her everything he knew she wanted and then taken it away all over again, just like she has all those years ago.

The truth was he couldn't stand to hurt her the way he was doing despite all the hell that had passed between them. This was never his intention. On the first day she'd appeared in back in his life, he was adamant he was going to stay as far away from Kate Callahan as humanly possible. Yet he still felt that connection between the two of them. Although they had changed, it was still as strong as ever and no matter how much he tried he couldn't' shake it.

That scared him, because that meant he wasn't in control anymore. He relished control it was what he needed now more than ever. Yet every time she was around it slipped and he found himself falling back into old habits. He couldn't do that anymore, for both their sakes, he knew it was hurting her as much as it was hurting him.

Just seeing her sitting in the car contemplating was enough to break his heart into a million little pieces all over again. But he couldn't do it, he couldn't go to her. He couldn't take a step forward and trust her again, because he was convinced that she'd just break his heart all over again, and he wasn't sure he would be able to survive that this time around.

So in an act of self preservation Tim Speedle did the one thing he never thought he'd do. He turned his back on Kate and left her to deal with it the same way he would.

Alone.

* * *

_**A special thank you goes out to Mauveine for everything! Seriously she is a star! **_

_**Also a little thanks to Browneyedgirl, for helping me through the hell that was the make out scene in the locker room.**_

_**Of course, a great big thank you to you guys the readers, without you guys this story would be dead in the water, you give me the inspiration to continue and I hope you stick with me because this only gets better.**_

_**So R and R peeps, let me know your thoughts.**_

_Blue: lol I think you should make me some celebratory brownies lol. That was the biggest hint ever lol. They're talking some of it out, there's a hell of a lot more that Kate isn't sharing yet. It's hard to forgive and forget in case like this. She broke him and it's hard to fix but you'll see what happens, I have loads of storylines planned for this! _

_Photo: I'm just glad you reviewed, if you keep reviewing I'll give you lots more lol. Because these chapters are so long it takes a little bi of time to post and write them._

_Lapland: I am telling ya, that chapter almost killed me. It was so hard to write and it was just so dark. Lol if I whacked her history straight I there, you wouldn't be surprised ad to be honest there's too much history for you to read in one sitting. I did love writing Broken but it was hard as hell and tested my skills to the limit._

_Brown: lol you're making me blush! Lol it was my challenge, because it was so painful to get through, and all the little snippets that got thrown in were spur of the moment and that's what I love about it._

_Orca: lol there is always gonna be tension between those two. By the way Hi! It's nice to meet you. I hope you keep enjoying this story. I know the chapters are long but fingers crossed you stick with me._

_Cheymon: lol I thought I'd lost you too for a while. I'm glad you're liking it. You keep reviewing and I'll keep it coming. _

_Mauveine: lol it was a complete bastard to write, but you know that lol. Tim just can't keep himself to himself. He is trying tho the poor guy. That's the important side to get across, she's like Tim, but so different at the same time. I wanted to show the effect UC had on her in that respect. Lol He loves her what an I say they needed a moment esp with what was happening at the time, and I love writing them together. I feel like their constantly stealing moments and it's nice to write a relationship like that, because it's not always clean cut. Thanks for your help by the way!!_


	8. Chapter 8: Reminiscing

Chapter Eight: Reminiscing 

_The open wound she hides  
She just keeps it bundled up  
And never lets it show  
She can't take much more of this  
But she can't let it go  
And that's ok__… _

_She don't want the world__ place to hide  
And that's ok…_

And all the things she says  
He's just lying there without someone to hear her cry  
She slips off into a dream about a

_She don't want the world_

_Three Doors Down – She Don't Want The World_

For the first time in what seemed like the longest and most frustrating month of my life, the lab was quiet and blissfully empty. Besides the fact Tim and I were barely on speaking terms at the current moment, the fact I knew he was going out of his way to avoid me by walking out of a room every time I entered, was beyond irritating. Adding to this our case load had been anything but easy as of late, a sniper had terrorized the mid town area, throwing the whole of Miami into chaos, The professor who had tormented his students with extreme evils until one of them snapped, and of course how I could I miss the congresswoman's husband trying to get off his own murder charge by staging a copy cat killing.

I raked my hands through my hair, the fact I'd survived this month was nothing short of a miracle, possibly aided by the fact Megan had handed in her resignation in the middle of a case, where she was so direly needed. Apparently the job reminded her of her dead husband too much, more likely every time she looked at Tim she saw another mistake that she had made…

My, oh my, I was bitter today.

I checked my watch before rubbing my face. I needed coffee. I rose to my feet and wrapped my arms around myself as I wandered in the general direction of the break room, lost in my own thoughts.

Truth be told, as hard as I was trying to pretend that Speedle wasn't getting under my skin, he was and I was responding to it badly. I'd spent the first few weeks trying to hate him, trying to conjure up enough anger and rage to keep me from even looking at him. Yet that had failed…

How could I hate him after what I did to him?

I couldn't was the simple answer, because when it came down to it, I deserved whatever punishment he was going to throw at me. There was no way of changing that. It was pretty clear that Tim wanted nothing from me and that stung like a bitch, especially when I remembered that a long time ago he'd wanted everything I could offer and I'd thrown it back in his face.

The worst part of it was, the moment I'd taken that ring off my finger I knew I was making the worst mistake of my life.

I didn't feel like I was here at all, I felt abstract from my body, like I was just floating around; empty until the adrenaline pumped when I needed to respond. As it ebbed from my body I was stuck here again, not quiet living and not actually dead.

Someone was calling my name out, snapping me from my thoughts. I shook my head to clear it before gazing up into the concerned face of Eric Delko as he reached out and touched my arm gently.

"Kate, are you ok?" he asked frowning as I pushed the hair out of my eyes with one hand.

I blinked at him momentary.

"You know, I'm gonna be honest and say no." I responded openly, shaking my head.

Eric let out a small sigh, crossing his arms over his chest as he analyzed me with his hazel eyes.

"Is this about you and Speed? You can't let shit like this get to you." He told me, frowning, as I diverted my gaze down the hallway.

"I'm trying, I really am, but it just kills me to be around him and know that he hates me. I never wanted things to be this complicated. I knew coming here would be difficult, I guess I just never thought it would be this difficult. I don't know what I was thinking." I said sadly, regret was nestling deep within me along with the pain and the torment of having something I wanted so badly flaunted in front of my face.

"You know he's stubborn, and you're stubborn. He'll come around eventually; he just needs time to sort things out. You messed up his control when you came back." Eric's eyes were understanding and honest as he spoke.

I pursed my lips together and bowed my head to look at the floor beneath us.

"Yeah, I'm not so sure this time." I told him, taking a long deep breath, trying to pull myself back together again.

"You knew it was gonna be harder then this, but you have to keep your chin up and not let it get you down." Eric tilted his head until he was in my line of vision, a dimpled smile crossing his handsome features. "Where's the tough little UC girl I keep hearing about huh? Would she let Tim Speedle get her down like this?" He cajoled, poking me in the side until I was smiling despite myself.

"You're really sweet, you know that?" I grinned, elbowing him back.

Eric wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and pulled me to him, in a comforting half hug.

"Just think, you've always got me. I'm fun." Eric said playfully with a flirtatious wink.

"Keep it in your pants Delko." I giggled, smacking him in the stomach lightly.

Eric jumped way putting a hand to his stomach, mocking me as he pretending to be wounded.

"See, your smiling already." He pointed out.

"That's because Calleigh's taking me out for lunch today, I think it's some kinda Mexican place." I informed him.

Eric's eyes lit up as I remembered the name, and he began to fill me in on the menu as I guided him towards the break room so I could get my morning coffee.

* * *

Her laughter cut through the silence of the labs, causing him to jerk his head up at the sudden burst of sound. Her laugh surprised him; it was a musical sound, something that always used to make him smile. Now it just made his blood run cold.

Tim's doe brown eyes rose to see Kate standing there on the other side of the glass as Eric pulled her to him, both smiling. He couldn't take his eyes off the woman in front of him. Her dark hair was swept back into a neat, sleek twist; loose strands framed her beautiful features. Over the white cotton shirt, she wore a black pinstriped waist coat, that hugged her figure just right, professional, but sexy at the same time. The black suit pants made her legs look longer and showed off her toned lower body.

It was the sight of her laughing with Eric that was driving him crazy, just watching her leaning into him, made powerful feelings that he'd been stifling begin to stir within him, and he hated that. He despised the way she made him feel, the control she had over his heart and body.

He wished it was him that was making her laugh and it was killing him.

Kate and Eric were gone now; god knows where, leaving him to wallow in the silence of the Trace Lab once again.

* * *

Tim wasn't sure how it happened, he'd taken all the necessary measures he could to avoid her, making sure they weren't left alone together for any given length of time, he was always aware when she was around and he did his best to stay away.

Apparently that was not enough because he was staring into her evergreen eyes right now and he could feel himself drowning in her gaze. They were in the door way of the locker room, inches apart. He could practically feel her warm breathe on his face. Kate turned her head away, he could see her jaw clenching as she slipped by, leaving a trail of perfume in her wake as he stepped into the room.

The scent of it almost brought him to his knees as he remembered the smell, unable to believe that after all these years she still wore it. The moment he'd caught a hint of it he knew what it was.

_Nightshade Number Nine._

It was a beautiful, intoxicating aroma, that promised wonderful dark fantasies he could only dream of now.

He'd bought it as a gift for her birthday a lifetime ago and the memory of it had stuck with him over the years. He steered clear of the women who wore it in bars, especially the ones who held even the slightest resemblance of Kate. It always brought back the most intimate moments of their relationship, and it was that he was always struggling to avoid.

Tim closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and resting his forehead on the cool metal of the locker in front of him, trying to sooth himself.

The last time he'd smelt it was the night before they'd moved into the new place. All of their stuff had been in boxes, lining the walls and in piles across the floor. She'd known even then she was going to leave. While they stood there laughing and joking, talking about their new life together packing each item with care. He should have known something was wrong, when he looked back he couldn't believe he'd missed the signs. Her strained smile, the way her laugh seemed almost hollow in his ears as he spoke. He'd been happy back then, oblivious to anything that didn't fit into his world, their world. Even now he was kicking himself; he should have seen it coming.

Most of their furniture had been packed away and stored, ready to be moved, everything except the bed of course.

_Her skin was slick and hot as his hands traced the outline of her body, coming to rest on her bare hips. She was begging him now, as he rubbed himself against her moist opening. The foreplay before hand had driven her into a heated frenzy, her hands were in his hair, gripping tightly as she arched against his body. His tongue traced circles on her throat, the scent of her flooding his senses as his hands glided down to her ass, holding her firmly in place as he teased her with his cock. His eyes were on her face now, watching her expression of pure ecstasy across her porcelain features as he slid himself inch my inch inside her. Kate's fingernails raked his shoulders, her head tilted back as he shuddered at the sensation of being that deep inside her. _

_Her long dark hair was falling over her shoulders as she gasped, calling his name out loud as he began to move slowly, his arm looped around her waist to hold her in position, her legs wrapped around his hips allowing him deeper penetration as they moved together. He could here her whimpering as he started to thrust, harder and faster against her. Her moans were getting louder now, his own breathing was ragged. She was getting closer now, he could tell…_

Tim's eyes snapped open, as he jerked himself away form the locker, the back of his hand to his mouth as he shook his head.

The memory was still there, raw, warm and welcoming. He couldn't go back there, he had to stop. But it was all still there, the feel of her soft skin against his, the haunted look in her eyes as she let go of everything, the exact same moment as he did. He couldn't get it out of his mind. The scent of her was in his nostrils, her salty taste in his mouth…

Before he knew what he was doing he was opening his locker and yanking out his towel. He was pulling off his clothes mechanically behind the shower curtain as he pulled it across the rail so hard it almost broke. His towel was discarded; along with the pile of material he had been wearing.

Stepping into cubical, he immediately hit the button, twisting the dial to the coldest setting possible before throwing himself under the freezing powerful jet of water. It hit his skin like liquid ice, sending all the warmth, and emotion flooding out of his body as he pressed his hands against the white tiles and bowed his head gasping as the arctic water ran over his body, knocking the air right out of him.

Yet Kate was still there in the forefront of his mind and it suddenly occurred to Tim that he was trapped inside an actual living nightmare.

* * *

The restaurant was bustling and busy when I arrived, each table was gull and crowed and I spotted Calleigh standing up and waving me over to a small table for two near the window.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. We had a sudden break in the gang banger case." I said as I slipped into my seat, dropping my bag at my feet.

"That's no problem, at least something's getting solved, I've only just arrived here myself, Marco managed to save our table for me. I hope you don't mind, I ordered you a coke." Calleigh spoke quickly, handing me a menu.

"Coke is brilliant, thanks and Marco huh? Eric will be heart broken." I teased.

Calleigh rolled her eyes.

"Eric will not be happy until he has slept with every female in the Crime Lab." Calleigh informed me.

I tilted my head thoughtfully, sipping from my drink.

"You know I bet he has a chart and he ticks off the girls on there." I said, pulling a face.

"You know you're probably right." Calleigh smirked.

"So did he actually play midnight tiptoe after the Cuban smuggling case or did you put him in his place before hand?" I asked curiously.

Calleigh hid a smile behind her iced tea.

"He was good… mostly." She added on the end.

I raised my eyebrows as she broke into a wide grin.

"He kind of made a pass at me during Letterman." Calleigh informed me.

I found myself unable to keep a straight face as Calleigh continued.

"I told him I valued our friendship too much to become emotionally involved with him."

I snorted.

"That's better then kicking him out your house after threatening to break his wrist." I admitted; string my straw around my glass to the ice cubes made a clinking noise.

Calleigh almost spat her drink back into her glass.

"You actually did that?" she uttered, eyes on me incredulous.

I propped my chin on my hand whilst glancing out of the window.

"It was kind of a misunderstanding at the time." I tried to explain. "He was trying to make me forget Tim, anyway we got into a fight and I kicked him out, but by gone be by gone, we're friends now."

I looked up as the waiter came over to take our orders. Calleigh did well in choosing our meals and telling Marco exactly what we wanted. The young Spanish waiter gave us a saucy wink as he drifted away from the table.

"He kind of reminds me of that guy who came onto Aiden at the Crime Conference last year." I said with a small smile being drawn back to the first time I met Calleigh.

It was a little while after the Genovese Trial; I'd been staying with Detective Aiden Burn of the NYPD for a short time until I got back on my feet. We'd met the night of the fire, she'd been assigned protective custody of me, because let's face it no one was going to look for me at the home of a CSI. Over the weeks we became firm friends and she let me stay with her until the insurance money came through, so I could get a new place.

Even after I moved we'd stayed friends, she called me regularly with updates on people in New York and I filled her in on the highs and lows of Miami living. I'd already bought the house here in Miami, my job already lined up. Horatio had given me a month to get myself sorted and settled until I had to start. Aiden was already booked to talk at the conference about facial reconstructions, and had managed to talk me into going in order to get a grip on what I was about to be thrown back into when I hit Miami. So I tagged along, attending the conference in Las Vegas. Aiden's lecture was one of the first and I found myself seated to a beautiful blond, Southern criminalist called Calleigh Duquesne.

We hit it off right away, and when Aiden got involved, let's put it this way the three of us raised some hell. What happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas.

After the conference in Vegas, Calleigh and I kept in touch though emails and phone calls and when I eventually moved back to Miami, she'd popped around on the first night with a bottle of champagne to celebrate my new life.

Calleigh's cell phone was ringing now snapping me out of my daze. Calleigh frowned as she looked at the caller ID before glancing at me apologetically.

"Duquesne." She stated as he flipped open the phone.

I tuned out focusing on the people walking past, admiring a red head's shoes as she stalked past. I turned my attention back to Calleigh as she snapped her phone shut.

He mouth was set in a grim line, her eyes shone with disappointment as she let out a deep breath, brushing her long blond hair back behind one ear.

"I'm sorry Kate, I'm gonna have to skip out on lunch, maybe another time?" Calleigh questioned, grabbing her jacket off the back of her chair.

"What's wrong?" I asked signalling Marco over and telling him our meals were to go.

Calleigh bowed her head, and exhaled deeply.

"My Dad…he drinks a little too much sometimes." She raised her head, her eyes refusing to meet mine as she toyed with the bracelet on her wrist.

I gave her a sympathetic smile, catching her drift. It was one in the afternoon and her father was drunk, and that meant one thing. He was an alcoholic and from the lack of surprise on Calleigh's face he had been for a long time.

"You need a little help taking him home?" I asked softly.

Calleigh's eyes were glistening emerald green as she met mine, shaking her head whilst still looking torn.

"I couldn't ask you to do that." She protested.

I reached out and touched her arm gently.

"Let me help." I offered.

Calleigh's shoulders slumped resigned.

"This isn't your problem; you're already dealing with so much…"

"And you've been listening to me wailing on about it for over a month now, please Cal, let me give a little something back." I reasoned as I picked up my bag, and took some money out of my purse.

Calleigh bit her lip before checking her watch.

"I can have you back to the lab in a hour." she said finally.

I eyed Marco coming towards us with a brown paper bag. I took it from his hands before slipping the money for the bill in his hands and telling him to keep the change. He gave me a gracious smile before Calleigh led me out of the restraint and towards her car.

"Do you mind if I eat in the car?" I asked politely, staring at Calleigh's shiny SUV.

"Depends are you going to make mess?"

I thought about my fajita wrap and the salsa sauce for a second, and then added the fact the vehicle would in fact be moving, probably at high speed. I sighed, pouting.

"It's a likely possibly." I informed her as I climbed into the passenger side. "I'll heat it up back at the lab; taunt Eric as I savour the taste."

"You are a cruel and unusual woman Detective Callahan." Calleigh laughed out loud, before shifting the car into drive and speeding from the parking lot.

* * *

The bar was actually one of the more pleasant ones I'd been to. A gentleman's bar, as it were. There were very few people in here, and the few that were, were propped up on the bar listening to an older man clad in a once expensive suit sing.

It was when his eyes fell on Calleigh as she strode purposely towards him, his arms open exclaiming "lamb chop" at the top of his voice that I realized this was in fact her father.

I trailed after Calleigh keeping a few steps behind to give her a little privacy as she gave her father a tired smile. One that said she'd see this far too often.

"Hey Dad, you entertaining all of the other customers?" she asked, the brightness in her voice was false but her dad didn't seem to detect it.

"Nothing, they haven't requested." He replied with a cheerful smile.

It was upsetting to watch the two of the running through the motions. They knew the steps well, and it we unbearably sad to see the forlorn expression on Calleigh's face as she tried to help him off the stool. Mr Duquesne stumbled, falling forward as his foot caught on the stool, I rushed forward as he slipped, hooking my arm around his waist to take some of the weight of Calleigh.

"Hi." I uttered as Mr Duquesne's head twisted in surprise so our faces were close.

"Why hello, who is this pretty lady?" he asked friendly, turning back to Calleigh.

"Dad, this is my friend Kate, she's a CSI too, we need to get you back to the car so she can get back to work." Calleigh coaxed, smiling at me gratefully over her father's head.

"Well it's nice to meet you, let's not keep you waiting any longer." He beamed as we half carried him in the direction of the door.

"Thanks Dana." Calleigh called to the bar maid as we moved past the bar.

It wasn't until I was helping Calleigh get her father into the back seat that I realized that Calleigh Duquesne had just accepted me as someone she trusted.

* * *

As it turns out Calleigh had let me eat lunch in the car on the way back, since it took her so long for her to get her dad home and settled. To my credit I managed to limit my mess to down the front of my waist coat. I was scolding myself as I rushed into the locker room, dabbing frantically at the blobs of sauce with a napkin Marco had thoughtfully included.

God damn salsa sauce, every damn time…

I chucked the sticky napkin at the trash can just inside the door before raising my gaze to the sight in front of me and stopping dead in my tracks, my hand going to my mouth as I stood there shocked.

Tim had his back to me, obviously lost in his own thoughts as he rubbed the white towel along the back of his neck. My eyes strayed along the water glistening a long his bare back, as a droplet trailed downwards across his bare buttocks. I gave a small intake of breath, before tilting my head to get a better look at his ass, arms crossed over my chest as I bit my lip, ignoring the heat that rushed through me.

My jaw dropped as Tim turned around giving me a full frontal view, of which I was highly appreciative of. His eyes came to rest on my face, his mouth in an "o" of surprise as he saw me standing there in the doorway.

"Jesus Fucking Christ." He yelped, wrapping the towel tightly around his waist and holding it there, shielding himself away from my prying eyes.

My eyes rose to meet his, as I started at him open mouthed not entirely sure what the hell to say.

"Salsa…" the word slipped out as I stretched out the front of my waistcoat to prove my point.

"You are a fucking pervert." He pointed at me growling, one hand clasping his towel firmly in place.

I held up my hands in mock surrender.

"Seriously I…" he cut me off, his gaze steely and cold.

"Get the hell out of here." He roared at me.

I didn't need telling twice.

* * *

My heels were clicking on the tiles as hunted for my keys in the bottom of my bag. The labs were silent as I strode down the corridor. We were between shifts at the moment, mine had finished over an hour ago but I'd stuck around to write up the paper work on the gang banger case.

Catching movement out the corner of my eye I twisted my head towards it, stopping as I caught sight of him sitting there in his beloved Trace Lab.

His wavy dark hair was matted to his forehead still damp from the shower he'd taken previously. His attention focused only on the task at hand as he bobbed his head, to the music he was listening to through his head phone. I watched his lips move word for word as he scribbled on the paper in front of him, his handsome features knotted in concentration.

I found myself smiling as he paused, tapping his pen against the table in tune with the music. I liked seeing him like this; it made me forget everything else that had happened and go back to a time that wasn't as difficult as it was now.

I shook my head, before turning away.

Nothing was simple anymore and damn it if this didn't get harder every day.

* * *

_**Just to give you all a little bump we have Dispo Day next and I advise you all stay tuned for that , because your not going to want to miss it.**_

_**A special thanks to the fantastic Miss Mauveine for all her help, her songs and betaing!**_

_**And thank you to all the readers and of course the reviewers.**_

_Brown: lol Tim nearly broke my heart too, and the background just made itself up, I was shocked when I was working on it, lol hope you enjoyed the little smidge of sex in this chapter. You know what's coming up and I hope you keep enjoying this._

_Blue: lol it's your cookies they're like crack. Lol seriously tho, I have no idea, I take it form the esps and get a few ideas and then get a little help and this is the product of the whole thing. Thankies for the brownies. Lol I wanted to bitch slap Meg too! Kate and Tim write themselves, ever since that first chapter where they bumped into each other. _

_Mauveine: lol I was thinking about this the other day and they are just soul mates, they can't get away form each other and its just s powerful and gripping relationship. They both can't fight I but they'll damn try lol Shows their stubbornness. Who knows maybe they'll figure things out soon lol. Seriously I couldn't have done this without your help tho._

_Photo: lol it wasn't on purpose and you know me better than to get a chapter up in a day. I promise Dispo Day is gonna be worth reading. So if you're a god girl you'll get a nice long read. The chars are stubborn, they did it to themselves._

_Eva: lol thankies, I love your Kate too! Lol I cried while writing it because it broke my heart watching Kate go through that. I wanted to show her effected by what happened to her and finally giving in to the one person she can trust above everyone else. Lol your praise is making me blush. Lol I'll just be happy if I keep you reading. OMG I bawled at that too it was so sad. You'll have to see how I handle that. Lol I ever publish a novel and I'll send you a free copy! x _


	9. Chapter 9: Dispo Day

Chapter Nine: Dispo Day

_You make my slacks a little tight, _

_you may unfasten them if you like _

_That's if you crash and spend the night _

_But you don't fold, you don't fade _

_You've got everything you need, especially me _

_Sister you've got it all _

_Curl your upper lip up and let me look around _

_Ride your tongue along your bottom lip and bite down _

_And bend your back and ask those hips if I can touch _

_Because they're the perfect jumping off point getting closer to your _

_Butterfly _

_Well you float on by _

_Oh kiss me with your eyelashes tonight _

_Or Eskimo your nose real close to mine _

_And let's mood the lights and finally make it right _

_Jason Mraz - Butterfly_

The Drugs Disposal Convey was on the straight stretch of tarmac, heading down Washington towards the huge industrial incinerator that would destroy the millions of dollars worth of drugs carried by the specialised truck.

The details were low key, only selective members of the MDPD knew where they were heading, what time and when. Usually these runs were a piece of cake. Something officers got in on to gain a little extra cash. There was no danger on one of these run everyone knew that. There was always the potential hence why there was always the armed escort, but in over five hundred Dispo Days there had never been a problem.

Speedle was sitting in the transit truck, watching as the world flew past the window of the passenger seat. His thoughts elsewhere, far away from Dispo Day and drug trucks, focused more on the new part he needed for his bike.

Next to him Officer Mal Hollis occupied the driving seat, his eyes firmly fixed on the road. There was silence between the two men, and it was a comfortable one. They were both quiet by nature and both lost in their own thoughts.

Hollis was thinking of the vacation he had planned, a surprise for his wife on their fifth anniversary. He'd already organised her sister baby sitting the kids while they jetted off for a week to Paris, the city of romance. His wife had always loved Paris, it was where they had honeymooned five years prior and he was looking forward to seeing her face light up at the sight of those two plane tickets.

There were less contented thoughts in Speedle's mind as his eyes fell on the shimmering blue water beneath them as they crossed the bridge. The transfer papers in his desk drawer were plaguing his thoughts; all they needed was his signature and then he was gone. He'd found a way out of Miami, somewhere away from the emotional torture he found himself enduring day in and day out. It was killing him, he knew it, he couldn't think, he could barely function whenever she was near him. His moods swung from the deepest depression to almost irrepressible anger and he found his control on the situation slipping all the time. He couldn't handle the way she made him feel, and he knew she couldn't help the way she was.

Kate had come back to rebuild her life, he'd seen the impact undercover had had on her and he hated it. He knew she was trying her hardest to be normal, to get back everything she could and stabilise herself. It wasn't fair disrupting her life by telling her to get the hell out of his, not when she was trying so hard to fix things. He knew she needed to be here doing this, she'd made friends, she had roots now, and him… well he had nothing.

Hence why as soon as he got back he was signing the transfer papers to New York and selling his bungalow.

The radio crackled to life, pulling him from his thought's but not enough to shock him. It had been doing it the whole trip, the other members of the convoy updating each other of their statuses.

"CSI we have a funeral procession making its way to you." A voice reported over the air waves.

Tim returned his attention to the road in front of them, recognizing the T junction they were coming to in the road.

"Let her pass." Horatio's voice commanded.

The funeral party was driving past them now, with their own police escort. Tim found himself staring at one of the patrolmen as they drove past on a motorcycle. He frowned, his dark eyes spotting something a miss, his brain taking a few seconds to engage in his line of thinking.

They were wearing Kevlar…

"Everyone on alert…"

A station wagon speeding from a different direction hit the Hearse side on, denting it on impact. There was a screech of breaks and he found himself bracing himself with one hand on the dashboard as Hollis jammed his foot on the breaks to avoid colliding with the patrol car in front of them. His body jerked back into its seat as one of the members from the funeral procession pulled a gun, one he recognized was not police issue.

Smoke was billowing now across the windscreen and he could barely see, it wasn't until he heard the first burst of gun fire that he started to react.

"Down." He screamed at Hollis, unclipping his seat belt as he dived for cover.

One of the suit-clad drivers from the Hearse pulled out the automatic weapon and opened fire right at the windshield. Glass exploded all over the cab of the truck, showering him and Hollis in its tiny jagged shards. He felt something warm trickle down the side of his face.

Tim could feel his heart pounding in his chest as the adrenaline began to kick in, rushing through his veins and giving him a surge of courage as he upholstered his weapon and threw open the passenger door, taking cover behind it. Blood had splashed onto the seats, where Hollis was lying motionless; he knew the other man was hurt; he had no idea how badly.

Somewhere amongst the chaos a baby was screaming and a woman too, but he couldn't focus on them, he needed to help Hollis, the man had a wife and two kids, and he was injured, so that became his priority.

Bullets rained on the cover of the metal door, and Tim didn't even look where he was shooting as he returned fire. Or at least he tried to. The dull empty clicks of his gun meant the bullets weren't firing, and he was defenceless. A sick realization filtered through to his brain, but he had no time to think about it. He had to get Hollis out of the truck and to safety, even if he didn't have a working weapon.

Tim leaned back into the truck, across the seat, grabbing the other man under the arms and yanking him towards the shelter of the passenger door, he knew one of the perps was making a break for the driver's seat and the two of them had to be clear before he got there.

The weight of Hollis body caused his feet to slip on the gravel as he over balanced, and before he knew it Tim was lying flat on his back, stunned. Hollis's dead weight was lying across him. He heard footsteps coming towards him; his gun was still in hand. He shoved Hollis, whilst muttering an apology, off of him as one of the dark clad man loomed over him.

There was a moment of utter stillness, Tim swung his arm up gun in hand, squeezing the trigger but hearing that dull click over and over again. A cruel smile curved over the other man's features as he looked Tim straight in the face, his gun pointed at the CSI's chest before he pulled the trigger.

The air rushed out of his lungs, his gun slipping from his limp fingers as his other hand clutched at his chest. His body was beginning to spasm as he scrambled for air. His chest was on fire and he was sure he was choking. He couldn't breath, his body was demanding oxygen but he couldn't get it.

Someone was talking to him, kind soothing words, for a second he thought it was Kate…

There was so much to say, so much he should have said, so much he should have done…

Horatio's face appeared in his vision, his eyes watery and intense. He felt Horatio's hands tearing at the overalls he was wearing His words now audible as Tim heard his own voice rasping "my chest" repeatedly.

"The Kevlar caught it Speed…Your going to be alright…" Horatio's speech was broken as he saw the red head holding up the bullet for him to see.

"Just breathe…" Horatio uttered soothingly.

Tim tried to nod but found himself unable to move from his position as the air began to flood into his lungs again as Horatio loosened the straps on the Kevlar vest so his chest was less constricted.

"Rescue! Get me Rescue!" Horatio was roaring now into the open air.

Tim twisted his head towards Hollis's body lying unmoving next to him. The other man's eyes were wide open and glassy as they stared into his. Tim felt as if his soul was being sucked right out of his body, unable to tear his gaze away as it was ripped from his chest and the crushing guilt flooded in.

* * *

The C.D I had on in the car was boring me. It was the same as it had been for the past month because I was too lazy to take it out, or I forgot to bring another one with me. The reason varied from day to day although it was usually the former.

The road was busy and traffic was backed up as I drove towards the Crime Lab. I was going to be late, I could tell. What I wouldn't give to be in the Hummer right now. I hit the eject button on the CD player, letting the radio flick on automatically as I rested my elbow on the open window waiting for the traffic light in front of me to change to green.

"…Armed men ambushed a Drugs Disposal Convoy, three police officers were killed and it is unrecorded how many others were injured."

I shivered as icy cold fear doused me. I was staring at the radio now, in absolute horror. My chest tightening with each breath I took, my cell phone was already in my hand trembling as a horn honked behind me.

My body was running on automatic now, my foot already on the gas as half listened to the radio, while waiting for Eric to pick up.

"Delko." He answered abruptly.

"It's Kate, I need a location."

"Calleigh was about to call you, we're on the scene, I've got your kit if you want to meet us on Washington."

"Tim…" I couldn't force out anymore than his name, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I don't know Kate, we just got the call…I'm sorry." Eric said softly.

I swallowed hard; panic was building in my chest.

They'd been seven police officers on that convoy and three of them were dead. My heart wrenched, there was a one in seven chance that it was him. The odds didn't look good to me.

I was praying now and that was something I hadn't done in a long time.

_Please God let him live…_

"I'll see you there." my voice was calm and devoid of emotion.

I snapped the phone shut and waited for traffic to start moving again. My fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel as the traffic moved slowly.

_Screw this. _

I glanced in my rear-view mirror to check the line of traffic behind me, before pulling out into the empty lane heading in the opposite direction and manoeuvring the car into a U turn before pressing my foot down on the gas and speeding towards the scene.

* * *

The scene was a war zone, spent casings littered the ground, and there were bullet holes lining along the patrol cars that had been escorting the convoy. I was pushing my way through the crowd of reporters that were hedging along the yellow crime scene tape, protesting as I ducked under it.

I couldn't breath, couldn't think as I watched EMS roll a black body bag directly across my path. The knot in my stomach became unbearable as I felt my composure beginning to collapse. My heart stopped pounding in my chest; I couldn't even feel it beat. I was trying force deep breaths. I rested my hand on the hood of the ambulance to steady myself, as I swayed on my feet, feeling tears prickling at my eyes. My fingers were pressed against my mouth, trying to stifle the unbelievable pain as it tore through me, ripping my heart right out of my chest. I blinked quickly trying to clear my blurred vision and found myself staring right him.

Tim was sitting on a stretcher, his arm wrapped around his waist cradling his ribs, whilst his free hand was inside his loose white t-shirt pressing against the place where his heart would be. His breathing was heavy and laboured, and from the way he was holding himself I could tell it was hurting him to even do that. Tim's shoulders were slumped, his gaze locked on something in the distance but not focusing. There was blood on his face, a small scrape on the side of his head, just before his hair line. His thick, dark hair was dishevelled and wild, giving me the image of a lost little boy.

He was in shock, but he was processing, I could see that by knotted eye brows and the calculation in his gaze as it swung to me. His doe brown eyes met mine, and for the second time today I forgot to breathe, because in them I saw fear.

I was striding towards him, my steps slow and purposeful, eyes never leaving his. I wasn't in control anymore; I was running on pure emotion. I'd lost my mind the moment I'd heard the convoy had been attacked.

My heart was ruling this one.

I wasn't thinking when my hand reached out, covering his with my own. Together they covered his precious heart. I let out a deep shuddering breath; I hadn't realized I'd been holding as I felt it beat underneath my fingers. I closed my eyes, feeling warm, salty tears trailing down my cheeks as I swallowed back all of the anger, the pain and above all the fear that I would never see him again. He was here right under my hand and I needed a moment to just believe that.

I felt his fingertips trembling slightly as he brushed the tears gently from my face. His thumb traced the outline of my lips as I parted them, to say the words I'd been dying to tell him for so damn long. They never had the chance to leave my throat because his soft lips were brushing mine tentatively.

I melted into his kiss as his hand gripped my hair lightly pulling me closer. Unspoken promises passed between us, reassurances that words couldn't give. My heart was racing in my chest as he took away the fear that claimed me replacing it with the blistering heat that filled me whenever he was near. I craved the feel of his skin on mine; I needed him desperately just to say the words I longed to hear from those beautifully carved lips.

He pulled away, his forehead resting on mine, his hand stroking the back of my neck as I sniffed.

"I'm ok." He uttered, his brown eyes open and honest as I searched his face.

"I was scared." I whispered the confession.

He was the only person I would admit that to, the only one I trusted with the knowledge.

"I know." He returned quietly, kissing the side of my mouth tenderly.

Next to us there was a discreet cough. We drew away from each other almost reluctant, before I turned my gaze on to Horatio.

"You ok?" I asked Horatio checking him over.

He was still wearing his black CSI wind breaker and I had to admit it looked good on him. Horatio bowed his head with a small smile before answering.

"I've been better."

"Hollis?" Tim broke in to the conversation, squinting at Horatio.

Horatio shook his head, his hand clasping Tim's shoulder as the younger man's face fell.

"I'm sorry." I murmured.

My hand enclosed around his giving it a soothing squeeze. Tim let out a deep sigh before his eyes fell to my hand, his expression despondent.

"Do you have your kit?" Horatio asked quietly.

"Eric put it in the back of the Hummer for me; I was stuck in traffic when the call came through." I told him, nodding.

"Right, I want you and Eric on the Hearse. Calleigh on firearms, she'll ask if she needs your help with the ballistics evidence."

"I can do that." I agreed.

I released Tim's hand, before giving him a reassuring wink and heading back through the throng of reporters to retrieve my kit.

* * *

Getting thorough the crowd wasn't as much of a problem as avoiding Enrique Rayas, the moment I'd stepped back under the Crime Scene tape he was on me, camera trained on my every move, microphone in my face.

"Detective Callahan, getting a sense of Déjà vu? Two years ago your mentor Raymond Caine was killed in a drug related shoot out…"

I stuck my hand up to cover the camera lenses, shaking my head furiously for empathises.

"You don't want to go there with me." I warned at him, fixing him with an icy glare.

Rayas' hazelnut eyes were on me, devious and scheming as he decided to take another chance. He wanted a scoop, but there wasn't a chance in hell he was getting it from me.

"How do you respond to rumours that you still have connections in the Genovese Family?" Rayas persisted; he was on my side of the tape now and following me as I strode towards the scene.

I felt agitation bite at me, images of him branding me a dirty cop on national television flashing through my mind. I tried to push it away, Rayas was only trying to inflame my temper so I'd slip up and give him something. The only thing he was accomplishing here was pissing me off even more.

"The same way I'm responding to you, get the hell out of my face before I jam that microphone somewhere the sun don't shine." I snapped at him, before continuing on my journey.

His hand clamped on my arm, stopping me in my tracks. The low growl that escaped my lips was audible, and I knew he heard it. His fingers tightened on my arm as I pivoted on the spot, twirling to face him, my kit swinging in my hand as I gripped it tightly in response to the threat in front of me. The moment he'd grabbed my arm he'd become a threat and my brain was already working on the best way to neutralise the situation before I snapped and beat the crap out of him with my Crime Scene Kit.

"Let go of my arm." I demanded in a calm, firm manner.

"What's your opinion on work place relationships, you and Detective Speedle seem to…" Rayas didn't even get the chance to finish that sentence.

He let out a sudden and unexpected yelp as the large metal case I used to store my Crime Scene Kit slipped from my fingers and smashed directly onto Rayas right foot. He sprung back, his hand releasing my arm in the process as I bent down to pick up the case, before straightening up and bringing myself up to my full height.

"You ever stick your nose into my business again, or grab me like that and you'll find yourself in lock up so fast, your head will spin, you got that?" I spat, jabbing my finger at Rayas.

Rayas cocked his head to the side, his hand still holding onto that damn microphone as the camera trained on his face.

"Are you threatening me Detective Callahan?" he asked as if surprised.

My right fist clenched, and I took a deep breath to reign in my fury at the audacity of this jackass. I shook my head as I heard footsteps treading towards us.

"It's a promise." I informed him.

"Get your ass back behind that tape before I throw you there." Tripp barked from behind me causing me to flinch involuntarily.

Rayas held up in hands in mock surrender before backing away and ducking back under the Crime Scene tape and chattering into his microphone again.

"You ok?" Tripp asked, standing along side me, both of us glaring at Rayas. "Looked like you were gonna stove that guys head in or something."

"He's damn lucky I didn't." I snarked to Tripp, narrowing my eyes as Rayas when he glanced in my direction.

The bastard actually had the nerve to give me a broad grin and wave, like I was his little pet cop. I bit the inside of my cheek trying to regain my composure and resist the urge to climb back over that tape and wipe the smug smile off his stupid face.

"There's a special place in hell for guys like him, forget about it." Tripp muttered, placing a fatherly hand on my shoulder. "We have more important things to worry about."

"Your right." I agreed, shooting Rayas one final dirty look before spinning on my heel and walking along side Tripp back to the crime scene.

* * *

The Disposal Truck was sitting right in front of them overlooking the marina, doors open and alone on the abandoned strip of concrete. Tim found himself amongst a bustle of activity, keeping back a little, as SWAT took up positions, guns trained on the black truck. It was unlikely the perps were still inside, but he was learning it was better to be safe than sorry. Especially since he kept hearing those dull empty clicks of his gun as he fired mid shoot out. He'd gotten Hollis killed because he didn't clean his gun, and that weighted on him heavily, fixing him with a guilt he found himself unable to shake.

"Nobody's home gentlemen." Horatio yelled for the rest of them to hear.

Tim felt immense relief at those words before his body began to run on automatic, driving all emotions from him as it usually did when it came to work. He needed to focus, if he couldn't save Hollis's life he could catch his killers and it was that desire that was keeping him going right now. He had to ignore the bullet shaped bruise across his heart and all the mess that came with it and focus on Hollis.

He was standing between Tripp and Horatio as one of the SWAT guys opened the back of the truck revealing, millions of dollars worth of drugs.

"So they stole the drugs but didn't take them?" Tripp exclaimed, his confusion reflecting everyone else's.

"Everything but the cocaine." Horatio stated as he stepped closer to get a better look at the back of the truck.

Tim was next to the driver's seat door now, his hand grasping the handle and hauling it open so he could view the inside of the cab. He half expected to see Hollis there, but that was stupid and his mind dismissed it the moment he thought it. He couldn't linger on ghosts. The cab was devoid of people just like H had said. The sky blue official uniforms were strewn across the seats, the stench of perspiration heavy in the air.

"They changed clothes; we'll see what DNA we can get of these uniforms." Tim told Horatio, bending down to draw several large paper bags from his kit.

"We have a blood trail leading away from the cab, and here…to a get away vehicle." Horatio thought out loud as Tim bagged the other shirts before climbing form the truck and taking up resident next to Horatio.

"No tread pattern though." Tim pointed out as he set the paper bags down next to his open kit.

"Doesn't matter we have plenty of evidence to work with back at the lab." Horatio replied, crouching down to take a swab from the blood pool and handing it to Tim to put in his kit.

Tim crossed his arms over his chest, clenching his jaw and kicking at the gravel with his shoe. Horatio raised his head and saw that the two of them were alone for the time being. Horatio put his hands on his hips before deciding to address the situation at hand.

Speedle had been distracted as of late, even before the shoot out. He could sense the younger man regressing into himself, not associating with the others in the lab as well as he used to. It had been a moderate surprise when Speed had appeared in his office yesterday morning requesting transfer papers, he'd be losing one of the best CSI's the MDPD had.

Horatio had known as soon as Kate Callahan and Tim Speedle had bumped into each other at the scene of the plane crash that there was something between them. Their body language, speech and motions told a story he hadn't realized was there. Even if he'd known before hand he still would have hired Kate, she deserved another shot at life after what his brother had done to her.

Horatio couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible for Raymond's role in taking six years of the young woman's life. He knew his brother had made it seem that Kate didn't have a choice in the matter; Raymond had always been good at bending the truth and playing on people's consciouses. Which was part of the reason he felt he had to make it up to her, show her one Caine wasn't as bad as the other.

He was glad Kate had gotten out when she had. Raymond's death had made things clearer for Horatio in that respect, gauging Kate's reaction at the funeral, he knew that Raymond had taken a lot more from Kate than Horatio had originally realized and if she wasn't careful he was going to take her life.

He'd been the only one to approach her at the graveside, the only one who actually knew who she was. Yelina suspected of course, but the pain of burying her husband overrode the ability to face the possibility of his past mistakes and betrayals.

The way he'd seen it Kate was alone in the world now, on unfamiliar ground and in dangerous territory. The one person she could turn to was gone, his body six feet under and the FBI… well the FBI wouldn't give a damn about a girl like Kate, no family, her life was dedicated to bringing down the Mob. It was a burden that shouldn't have rested on the shoulders of someone so young, yet it was something she carried well.

She'd accepted his hand when he'd reached out, he'd offered her away out and grateful she took it. He knew if she carried on she'd have been dead before the year was out and her blood wouldn't be on Raymond's hands, it would have been on his.

Horatio had followed the trial through the newspapers almost religiously, he was awaiting her call but giving her the time and space she needed to decide what was best for her, something he knew she hadn't thought of, in a very long time.

When the call had come it hadn't come from Kate, it was from Mac Taylor in New York filling him in on the details of the fire that had almost claimed her life. She'd done the right thing and she'd almost paid the ultimate price. She'd listed him as her next of kin, and Mac was giving Horatio a heads up on the situation before the FBI swept in to deal with it.

Mac was also calling for information; him and a younger Detective had been the first on scene and had found Kate barely conscious next to the dead body of Joey Giovanni, a high ranking family member in the mob. The problem was Kate was red flagged by the FBI, so getting information on her was proving difficult. Adding to that Kate was terrified and had been brainwashed into the "keep your mouth shut" mentality the FBI seemed to instil into all of their Undercover Operatives. Something Horatio was still trying to break the habit of now.

Mac had known something wasn't right and upon seeing Horatio's name on her files had decided there may another way to gather the information he needed. Horatio had given it to him under the promise that Mac had to help protect Kate the best he could, to counter act the obvious leak in the FBI's system.

Mac had stayed true to his word and Kate Callahan had remained alive and well until the trial was over and she'd made the decision to return to Miami. She'd known it was going to be hard but she'd told him it was her home and she needed to find her own identity and she knew that it was here.

Horatio Caine had done his best to give Kate Callahan the home, and the life that his brother had snatched away from her, the only thing he couldn't give her was the one thing he knew she so desperately needed. He was standing right in front of Tim Speedle cursing Raymond for destroying not just one life but two.

Horatio would have given anything to mend Tim Speedle's broken heart and take away the betrayal and pain the younger man suffered at the hands of his brother, but the truth was the only person who could fix that was Kate and Speed wasn't letting her anywhere near him for the fear she'd do it all over again. Horatio shook his head as his gaze came to rest on the younger man, feeling deeply pained.

_Raymond, did you know what you were doing?_

"What's on your mind?" Horatio asked instead.

Speed swallowed hard before looking away and across the marina.

"Kate." He uttered.

Horatio bowed his head, his fingers toying with the edge of his sunglasses.

"What about her?" Horatio inquired.

The important part of this conversation was getting Speed to talk, to let him know that there was someone who at least supported him no matter what decision he'd made. Tim Speedle hadn't had a lot of support in his life and Horatio was trying to change that.

Tim looked down at his hands, exhaling deeply.

"I'm not entirely sure, I was sure I was ready to leave. Go back to New York and get on with my life. When I got hit, my first thought was Kate. How I have so much to tell her, how much I need her. I don't know if I can just walk away anymore." He admitted, feeling cautious, running his hand through his unruly hair.

"Maybe you should tell her this... what ever you choose I'll have your back but running away probably won't solve your problems." Horatio advised, tilting his head to look the younger man in the face.

Tim rubbed his hands across his face, trying to find some relief in the action.

"I don't know if I can trust her again H. She makes everything so damn hard." Tim admitted openly.

Tim trusted Horatio's judgement, sometimes better than he trusted his own. The older man had been the father figure that he hadn't had in a long time. Megan had always been his mentor but despite the fact they were close he couldn't find the words to share his feelings. Horatio had always been the person he'd turned to when he needed help and the older man had come through for him time and time again. Maybe that's why he was trusting H with this.

"Things are different now Speed. I don't think anyone could have predicted how things were going to end up back then. You'll have to talk to her if you ever want to rebuild that trust." Horatio offered.

Speedle put his hands on his head and tipped it skyward, closing his eyes as he thought this through.

"Yea well that's easier said then done, she's been making it pretty clear she wants nothing to do with me as of late." Tim muttered.

"And this is all her own doing? Or does she have a reason?" Horatio questioned, focusing on his sunglasses with a knowing smile.

Tim suddenly felt awkward, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly with one hand, as his mind flicked back to the Noel Peach case, the Hummer and of course the locker room.

"I lose it when I'm round her... there may have been an incident... or two…" he trailed off, meeting Horatio's gaze, before looking away again ashamed.

There was no other explanation; he loved her and that was that. But being around her was killing him, and he couldn't function without remembering the way things used to be. He wanted her back, he wanted to be around her, talking, touching, feeling all those emotions all over again without the stigma his heart was carrying. The problem was his heart wouldn't let him, he'd given himself to her freely once before and she'd destroyed him. He couldn't risk that again.

Horatio's hand clasped Speed's shoulder, jolting him from his thoughts and back into reality.

"Talk to her, if you don't you'll regret it. Then make your decision about leaving. She needs to know where things stand." Horatio said softly.

"Yea well, I'm not even sure where that is." Tim sighed as he reached down collecting his kit and the evidence bags to take back to the lab.

With Horatio's help he carried them back to the Hummer, contemplating the older man's words of wisdom.

Horatio was right; he had to talk to Kate.

* * *

The sun was beaming down on us, making the back of my neck along with the rest of my body hot and sticky. I'd already clipped my hair up so that it didn't get in the way; my suit jacket was tossed into the passenger seat of my car, so I was wearing just my khaki coloured silk camisole over the brown linen trousers.

The shiny black Hearse was still running, creating an almost eerie feeling as I snapped a few shots with my camera of its smashed side. I took a shot of the tire before crouching down next to it to pull out a bullet from the ambush. My tweezers enclosed around the tiny piece of metal as I tried to wedge it out of the opening. I was having a tough time trying to pull it out. Calleigh was a lot better at this but she had her hands full trying to process the rest of the scene at the current moment.

"It's kind of creepy don't you think?" I mentioned to Eric as he leaned into Hearse taking his own pictures.

I almost cheered when the bullet eased out of the tire; I picked up one of the small brown evidence envelopes and inserted it inside.

"You should be there when we pull one of these things out of the water and the radios still running, that is creepy." Eric returned, glancing up at me with a small smile as I rose to me feet.

"That's why I'm glad I specialise in blood spatter, there's no kind of shivers up your spine type stuff." I returned, leaning over him to get look at the screwdriver jammed in the steering column.

"You think you can get a print of that?" I asked indicating towards the screwdriver.

"I can try." Eric paused before changing the subject. "You and Speed put on a nice little show before." Eric remarked under the guise of studying the steering wheel for prints.

"It wasn't a show," I said softly. "I'm just glad he's ok,"

"Your not the only one, he had a pretty close call today, things like that change a man, you know what I'm saying?" Eric's eyes were fixed on me now as he tried to make sure I was catching his drift.

I pursed my lip together, blatantly ignoring his implications.

"I'm gonna see if Calleigh needs some help with the ballistics, you got this covered right?" I asked, watching as Eric took out his finger print brush.

"Yea, Calleigh's gonna need all the help she can get with the bullets and shell casings from the shoot out." Eric confirmed, before getting to work and shooing me away.

I picked up my kit before striding across the tarmac towards the beautiful blond Ballistics expert. She was kneeling on the ground next to a gun, her kit already overflowing with little brown evidence envelopes, full of bullets and casings.

I was standing behind her, watching as she picked up the gun in her latex covered hands and ejected the clip, before checking the chamber and tipping the bullet out into her hand.

"That's weird." She muttered to herself.

I could tell something was wrong from the look on her face and I thought I had an idea as to what.

"That Tim's gun?" I asked quietly as not to startle her.

Calleigh glanced up at me, not looking entirely surprised at the fact I was standing over her.

"Yea, magazine's full and there's one in the chamber…it might be a second magazine." She reasoned, taking more to herself than to me.

"Hm…" was all I could reply feeling something cold washing over me.

"You know that none of this is official right?" she reminded me as she slipped the gun into an evidence envelope, taking care not to meet my gaze.

"I didn't say a word." I stated, reading the unspoken message between us both.

As much as I felt the urge to defend Tim it didn't change the facts, there was no second magazine.

"I think its best not to." Calleigh remarked before setting me on the next task of helping her collect ballistics evidence.

* * *

We were all subject to IAB investigation, someone had leaked about the Dispo Day Convoy and IAB was suggesting it was CSI. Hence the reason they were subjecting us to polygraph test in order to determine if one of us was the leak. A useless waste of time in my eyes but as much as Horatio had protested Jack Seeger was not letting go of the idea.

Tim was taking this badly, he was already riddled with guilt over the death of Officer Hollis, adding IAB to the mix suggesting that he was the leak and well, we had a recipe for disaster before it had even started. Or at least a broken polygraph machine depending on how he reacted. As he'd already said polygraphs picked up discomfort, there was no real way to tell if someone was lying unless you had the evidence to prove it.

Jack Seegar had already made his introductions and I'd already decided he wasn't a nice man. I'd over heard him bitching to Horatio about the cost of SWAT team members compared to the other lives lost, and that infuriated the hell out of me, especially when it was one of my own in the firing line.

Thankfully there was a mass amount of evidence just waiting to be processed; Horatio had sent me into the parking garage to go over the station wagon that had ploughed into the Hearse whilst Eric was put on the chair.

The parking garage was silent and peaceful, allowing me to work quickly and thoughtfully as I searched the car thoroughly for anything that seemed suspicious.

"You get anything from the soccer mom's car?" Horatio's voice carried across the empty parking garage as I fingered the bullet hole through the driver's seat.

I raised my head slightly to see Tripp and Horatio standing on the other side of the vehicle peering in at me.

"I pulled a bullet out the steering column, there's a hole in the driver's seat, someone was shooting at the mom." I paused waving my crime light around. "Also the car's too clean; this woman's supposed to be a mom but the cars practically spotless. You've got kids right Frank?"

Tripp leaned into the back of the car; I slide along the back seat making room for him to gauge the general cleanliness of the car.

"Three of them, the car is a war zone. I'm always on at the wife about it." Tripp told me, frowning at the interior of the car, before pulling his body out of it and nodding his agreement at Horatio.

"So what are you thinking?" Horatio urged, asking for my conclusion.

"I don't think the kids hers. I think she was in on it." I told Horatio as I drew myself out of the car, blowing a strand of hair away off my face.

"You wanna run with it?" Horatio asked, eyes on me intent.

I wasn't sure whether it was because he needed the help or he wanted to how I worked on my own. I'd come in at CSI Level Two, which made me the baby of the shift compared to the others. They were all Level Three. The cases I'd worked had always been with other people so being let loose on my own was exhilarating.

I snapped off my latex gloves, feeling myself beaming with pride, as I nodded my agreement at Horatio.

"I'll review her file before I call her in." I told Horatio my plan to confirm it was correct procedure as I lowered myself to shut my kit and fasten the clasps on it.

"I'll make the call if you wanna get that file, I'll page you when she arrives." Tripp offered as I rose to my feet again.

"That would be great, thank you." I said gratefully.

"I'll leave you to get to work then." Horatio uttered with a small smile, before he left the room, Tripp following at his heels.

I waited until I was sure they had left before picking up my own kit and slipping out of the door. I stored my kit away before finding myself lingering outside the Ballistics Lab.

* * *

The Ballistics Lab always seemed dimly lit to me. The overhead fluorescent strip cast light to all corners of the room, giving everything an artificial glow. I'd snuck in as quietly as I could, leaning in the door way and taking in the environment around me.

I'd never had a problem with guns; I wasn't as comfortable around them as Calleigh seemed to be. Hell that girl was the Gun Goddess herself but I could handle one and I trusted myself with one. I could take one apart and put it back together and I was a fairly good shot but that's as far as my knowledge on guns went.

Calleigh was standing with her back to me. I was out of her peripheral vision which made my role at the current moment more voyeuristic, but I knew it was a bad idea to interrupt her when she had a gun in her hand. So I decided to stand and watch until her test fire was over.

She took a careful aim at the target in front of her, and flicked the safety off. She stood legs apart as she pulled the trigger slowly. Nothing erupted form the barrel but a dull metallic click. No noise, no bullet, no discharge. I frowned thoughtfully as she let out a loud sigh and began to take the gun apart, laying out each piece neatly, side by side.

She studied each piece with care, and apt attention, setting each one down before writing her findings on the sheet of paper in front of her. I put a hand to my mouth coughing lightly to get her attention.

Calleigh twirled to face me, pushing her blond hair back over her shoulders, a sly smile spreading across features as her emerald eyes came to rest on me.

"Are you checking up on me?" Calleigh asked, half seriously.

I bit my lip, arms crossed over my chest as I shook my head looking at the empty barrel of the gun in her hand, already knowing whose it was.

"That Tim's gun?" I responded, needing her to confirm my suspicions.

The expression on Calleigh's face turned solemn as she stared down at the implement in her hands, rolling it in her fingers. Her mouth clamped shut in to a firm, grim line. She was trying o protect him, shield him from the stigma of the condition of his weapon, but I knew he didn't like guns. He wouldn't touch them unless he had to. It was likely that Tim hadn't touched his gun in a very long time.

"Calleigh it's me." I heard myself begging and I hated hearing that tone in my own voice.

It was a sign of weakness, of need, and I hated feeling like that. But the truth of the matter was, I had to know because maybe I could stop it happening again.

Calleigh pursed her lips together, and looked down at the gun barrel in her hand and then raising her eyes to me.

"The gun misfired." She said quietly.

I looked away, nodding knowingly. I'd expected as much but it still shocked me to hear the words out there in the open. I wanted to ask more, I really did but I couldn't. By claiming misfire and the evidence inconclusive Calleigh was protecting Speedle's reputation. Poor gun maintenance wasn't a crime, but it was frowned upon and Tim would become the cop that other cops refused to work with because he didn't have their backs.

We stood there in silence, contemplating this, both of us at odds but agreeing through unspoken words that this was the right thing to do.

"Thank you." I whispered before leaving the Ballistics Lab with a very heavy heart.

* * *

The IAB Polygraph test took place on a separate floor from where the labs were. IAB preferred intimidation methods opposed to be friendly and understanding. I'd been locked in a monitored reception area for the past thirty minutes, trying not to look guilty or uncomfortable as Jack Seegar had watched me from the comfort of someone's office on the security monitor.

When it came to my turn on the chair I was reminded of Eric's words about guilt and Catholics. He was right Catholics always harboured some form of guilt over something. I was nervous as hell because I knew I'd broken every rule in the stupid little rulebook and was about to be called on it.

The examiner was a stern brunette, called Anna. Her face passive and blank as she fastened the black tube around my chest, making me feel anxious. I found myself conscious of my own breathing, trying to keep my breaths level and even. That was one way to fool the lie detector.

"This records your breathing." She told me as I exhaled deeply.

Her fingers were on mine velcroing the tiny black bands around the pads of my fingertips. They were already moist from the fact they'd locked me in the reception area, which had simply added to the feeling of imprisonment that was bubbling underneath my skin.

"This records your perspiration."

Next she was onto the final piece of equipment; she strapped the armband on my upper arm, tightening it until it pinched my skin. My bit the inside of my cheek under her onslaught, determined to keep my face expressionless and show nothing.

"This records your heart rate." She uttered before returning to her seat, her eyes already on the monitors studying my inner workings. Her voice was soft and even as she spoke, lulling me into a false sense of security.

"Is it correct your full name is Kaitlyn Clodagh Callahan?"

I flinched at the use of my full name before answering.

"Yes."

"Were you born in Miami?"

"Yes."

"Have you lied recently?"

"Define the question." I replied.

"Have you told a work related lie?"

"No."

"Did you disclose the details of the convoy?"

"No."

"Is it true that you were undercover for six years working for the Genovese Family?"

My head snapped up surprised. The stern brunette didn't even glance at me.

"What relevance does that have?"

"Answer the question."

"Yes."

"You were mentored by Raymond Caine, and he was your handler until he was removed, correct?"

I was getting agitated now, I knew what was going on but I was powerless to stop it. The FBI had hijacked my test. There wasn't a chance in hell that I'd leaked on that convoy because I'd only been fed the details the day before yesterday when they needed an extra pair of hands on the evidence.

"Yes."

The FBI were clever bastards, they'd tried to force me to submit to polygraph after I'd pulled the plug on the Genovese family. My version of things hadn't gone down entirely well with them; they'd always thought I was missing something out. The pieces of the puzzle didn't slip together as accurately as they had hoped. At the end of the day they'd let me be, they had all the key members of the main family and the underlings, the two key players they were missing meant nothing when it came down to the Mayor announcing one of the biggest busts in Mob history.

Still apparently this didn't stop them trying to wheedle more information out of me, which scared me since I hadn't heard from them in over a year now, which meant they were either poking at old wounds, or they knew something.

"Did you ever withhold any information…"

A shrill piercing beeping erupted from the machine startling Anna who was posed directly in front of it as I tore the arm band off my bicep and tossed it at the seat, standing fully erect. The breathing tube and the perspiration detector following suit, as I fixed my gaze on her, my eyes narrowing as I met hers head on, challenging her.

"The FBI put you up to this?" I questioned, my tone glacial.

Anna said nothing, but that didn't matter because I already knew the answer.

"Tell them to do their own god damned dirty work." I spat before storming out of the room and slamming the door so hard behind me the glass panels trembled.

* * *

I was stalking down the corridor in rage, my fists clenched, finger nails digging into palms as I tried to take deep calming breaths. Fear was lurching inside me, filling me up as I tried to rationalise the FBI's actions.

They didn't know…

They couldn't…but they suspected.

Suspicions I could deal with.

Suspicions wouldn't land me in a federal prison.

I pinched the bridge of my noise; my eyeballs were starting to ache. A tension headache was coming on, a major one, it wasn't helping that I was grinding my jaw so tightly I was afraid I was going to break it. I put my hand to my head, as the tension began to set in, gnawing at my eyes; my head was in utter agony.

I needed my prescription meds now.

My hands were already in my bag scrambling for the small orange medicine bottle. I cracked it open, tipping two into my hand and knocking them back dry.

"Hey, can we talk for a sec?" Tim's hand was warm and soothing on my shoulder, his thumb massaging the muscles in my right shoulder.

I let out a long, deep breath, relaxing under his touch before turning around to face him. His dark eyes were searching my face, his eyebrows knotted in concern as I tried to hide the pain killers behind my back.

"Your taking your pain meds again." He stated.

My shoulders slumped in exasperation as I tossed them into my bag, nodding wearily.

"Only in extreme circumstances." I replied, rubbing my hand along the back f my neck self conscious.

Tim crossed his arms over his chest, and bowed his head.

"You walked out of the lie detector." He said.

I took into account that it was more of a statement than a question.

"Because they were asking the wrong questions…I heard you did too." I shot back, rubbing at my eyes.

"As you said they weren't asking the right questions. They use your full name?" he raised an eyebrow in humour as I nodded.

"You know how I hate that." I said, chuckling.

We shared a brief smile, before I entwined my fingers together and stared down at my hands, wondering how to approach the next subject.

"I actually wanted to talk to you too…Before Calleigh sent her report to Horatio." I added grimly.

Tim swallowed hard before nodding; his eyes on me wearily before he looked away.

"My gun misfired, I admit it. It misfired because I didn't clean it. That's why it jammed up and that's why Hollis is dead ok? Yea and I should probably resign."

He'd been struggling with this, I could see it in his eyes, in his stature, he was tired and weary and the guilt was crippling him. Seeing all that in those beautiful brown eyes pained me and I was reacting without thinking, my hands settling lightly on his hips as I took a step closer so we were barely inches apart.

"Look at me." I demanded softly.

Tim was clenching his jaw tightly as he twisted his head towards me his eyes meeting mine causing his had gaze to soften. My hands were rubbing up and down his sides; I could feel his warm skin underneath his cotton shirt, sending shivers up my spine. What I wouldn't have given to have kissed him right now, but I couldn't. It wasn't what he wanted. I could give him the comfort he needed and deserved, as a friend if nothing more.

"It was an ambush; Hollis was shot from the left hand side. There was nothing you could have done and I think you know that. You're resting far too much on your shoulders when it's not your burden to bear." I told him honestly.

Tim's hands were resting on my hips now, as he hung his head, bringing his face in close proximity to mine. I could see the sadness in his eyes, the overwhelming guilt that flooded him. I wrapped my arms around his waist; he stepped into my embrace willingly.

"It's not your fault." I murmured into his ear, stroking his unruly hair tenderly.

Tim's body relaxed against mine, his strong arms held me tight as he buried his face in my hair.

"Then why does it feel like it is?" he muttered into my shoulder.

The stubble tickled my skin as he rubbed his cheek against mine, causing my body to tense against his at the familiarity of the situation. We were both pulling away now, my reaction made us realise we were in dangerous territory, as soon as Tim drew away it occurred to me that he looked even more tired than before, maybe we were both sick of playing the same old game of dancing around each other. I took his hands, grasping his large ones tightly in my own, still standing close but not quite touching.

"It wasn't your fault. Your gun misfired; there was nothing you can do. I'm just begging you; please just clean your gun. Next time it could be you and I…" I dropped my gaze to his hands, watching my thumb trace of his knuckles delicately. "I can't face the idea of not having you in my life and the thought of that…I can't face it."

I pulled my hands away from Tim's to wipe at the tiny tears leaking from eyes with my fingertips. I knew his eyes were on my face searching and gauging my reaction.

"I'm sorry. It's been a long day…" I trailed off.

Tim's hands were cupping my face tilting it up towards his him, his thumbs brushing away the tears from underneath my eyes as gently as he could.

"I get it ok? I promise I'll clean my gun." He murmured, looking stricken and I knew it was because he'd just realized how scared I really was and that in turn scared him.

We both took a step back, back into our safety zones keeping our distances and raising our walls. Tim's arms were crossed over his chest as he looked at me with a look I couldn't interoperate.

"Look… you wanna get a drink tonight?" he asked thoughtfully.

I bit my lip shaking my head, feeling drained.

"I don't really think…"

Tim pursed his lips together before interrupting me.

"Please Kate…" he said quietly, looking away down the corridor so I couldn't catch a glimpse of his expression.

I let out a deep breath, feeling all the fight leaving me. Fighting him was getting to exhausting and I was submitting because the truth was I couldn't fight anymore. I'd tried, I really had, but I wasn't angry. I hadn't been angry in a long time. I'd been miserable and depressed. So maybe a drink wasn't a bad idea, maybe it would clear the air between us a little.

"Yea sure, I can do that." I told him as my cell phone sprung to life.

I frowned as I read the text message before me.

"I've gotta go." I said to Tim distracted, waving him off before darting down the corridor towards Horatio's office.

* * *

We were standing in Horatio's office, our eyes on the young blond CSI in front of us watching as Calleigh sat in the visitors chair unable to sit still, her foot tapping consistently, her hands playing out a drum beat on her thighs. Horatio was leaning against his desk, arms crossed, watching her intently with concerned watery blue eyes, I was along side him, watching Calleigh's movements cautiously. She'd just screwed up the polygraph and popped positive for cocaine, and from the looks of things she was definitely on something.

The reason Horatio had called me was the fact he knew I'd been in on a lot of narcotics orientated activity, and of course seen all the different packages they could come in. The Mob were notorious for running drugs back in New York, I'd been in on my fair share of handling them. That's how I'd got them to trust me.

I crouched down in front of Calleigh, offering her a kind smile as I brushed her hair back away from her face and behind her ear.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, studying her pupils, before putting a hand to her warm forehead.

"Like a hummingbird on six cups of coffee." She blurted out suddenly, rocking in her chair, while still dunning the same beat over and over again.

"Describe it to me." I said, watching her hands as she gestured vividly, almost catching me in the face.

"Confused, angry, confused…" her gaze steered suddenly towards Horatio. "I know I've said this before but I promise you I have never taken anything…"

"Are your lips numb?" I asked frowning at her erratic change of mind.

I rose to my feet, and leaned back against the desk, eyes on Calleigh at all times studying the movements and notions she went through. All of them were un-Calleigh like behaviours. Calleigh pursed her lips together as if checking.

"Yep numb."

I nodded thoughtfully, trying to work out where she could of picked up the coke.

"What have you been doing for the past eight hours?" Horatio asked Calleigh thoughtfully.

"I went with Tripp back to the scene; I found a spent casing that led to a tile place. The bullet was wedged in some tiles, Italian marble I think, I had hard time digging it out." Calleigh rambled quickly; it took me a second to realize what she'd said.

"I think she's been dosed." I murmured to Horatio, watching as Calleigh started wrinkling her nose, and pulling faces.

It would have been funny if she hadn't accidentally inhaled coke somewhere along the line and was at risk of not only losing her job but at being arrested too.

"I was thinking the same thing, you think the tile place?" Horatio asked openly.

That's what I liked about Horatio he was never afraid to ask for someone else's opinion. He'd been encouraging me to talk ever since I got here so I opened my mouth and decided to share a few titbits he may find useful.

"When I was working for the Mob, one of the first jobs they put me on was packing box full of tiles. They had specific instructions, we had to pack the tiles carefully one by one and take them to a truck. I remember wondering why the Mob was dealing tiles until one day, I dropped a box." I paused for a second; I could see both Calleigh and Horatio listening intently.

I didn't share anything about my Mob days because I felt I couldn't but things were changing, I was trusting people, and I knew that these two in particular wouldn't think anything different of me for sharing. My information was useful which added to the bonus, it was time to get things off my chest. So I took a deep breath and carried on.

"The powder bellowed up in my face and before I know it, lips are numb and I'm having a hell of a psychedelic time for the next five hours. They'd been setting the cocaine with a paste into tiles and moving them in plain sight, the problem is the tiles are fragile. So I'm thinking the tile place is doing something similar." I explained.

Horatio's eyes were still on Calleigh, whose was staring at his sunglasses in some form of awe as he played with them in his hands.

"I'll take care of her." I assured Horatio as he took out his phone and flipped it open. "I don't think she ingested much so I'll take her home and then come back."

Horatio nodded his agreement as Calleigh spring to her feet with renewed vigour, almost scaring the crap out of me. Horatio was already dialling before he out the phone up to his ear.

"Eric, we're going back to the tile place."

* * *

I was carrying two cups of take out coffee in my hands as I strolled down the corridor towards the AV Lab.

Whilst Horatio, Tripp and myself were in interrogation with the owner of the tile factory, Eric was concentrating his search for Nedir Kire. He'd ran the name through every single database we could muster and was now checking individual record one by one for any sign of the name. He's been at it three hours so far and was snapping the heads off anyone who even ventured near the lab. So I decided he needed a brief reprieve. We'd all been working solidly for over twenty four hours on this case, taking small shifts to grab a few hours sleep here and there. Our nerves were frayed, but we were diligent, added stress of IAB and the pressure from the press wasn't helping at all.

So I decided it was time for a coffee break. Especially for Eric. I'd run to the café around the corner and bought their best Coco Cabana for him. The scent was heavenly, but the taste bitter to my sensitive taste buds.

I managed to balance the coffee in one arm as I turned the handle for AV Lab. Eric's head shot up, his hazel eyes etched with tiredness and frustration. He looked as frazzled as I felt.

"Coffee." I uttered with a bright smile, which was exactly the opposite of what I was actually feeling.

I held up the two cardboard cups for him to see through the glass board with the writing on. Something catching my eye about the name at the very top of the hierarchy. I shrugged it off before returning my attention to Eric. A broad grin appeared across his face as the scent of Coco Cabana drifted towards his nostrils. I winked at him before my gaze retuned to the name on the board, it was bothering me. I tilted my head and found myself frowning as I read the name backwards.

Erik Reiden.

"Hey, Nedir Kire spells Erik Reiden backwards." I commented, pulling a face as I walked around the board and handed Eric the coffee cup.

Eric stared at me stunned, just about managing to take the cup from my hands, trying to piece together what I was saying and giving up.

"What?" Eric narrowed his eyes at the board, giving it an offended glare as he caught the meaning of my words.

"Yea it spells it backwards." I confirmed uneasily.

I felt a little awkward about the fact he'd been working on this for the past three hours and I'd just waltzed in here and realized it may just be the wrong way around.

However as I took a sip of my coffee, Eric's expression turned to one of extreme joy.

"I don't know whether to kill you or kiss you." He muttered, his fingers working quickly over the keyboard as I dropped into the seat next to him, watching as he typed the name into a search engine.

"You wouldn't be able to handle me." I teased watching as he clicked on a link, bringing up a newspaper report.

"Erik Reiden reporting on a university newspaper." He murmured out loud, scrolling down to flick over the headline and the report it's self.

I peered at the picture along side the column, recognizing the person in it. Oh man if my suspicious were right then it would make my freaking day.

"Zoom in on that picture." I requested, trying not to let my excitement get the better of me.

Eric did as I asked, bringing the picture up full screen. Happiness blossomed in my chest and for the first time in a long time I felt like cheering.

"That's our friend Enrique Rayas." I uttered, turning my head to face Eric, beaming. "Do you wanna call Horatio and let him know the good news?"

I was not the only one looking pleased, as Eric took out his cell phone and dialled Horatio's number.

* * *

The crowd of reporters were dawdling at the bottom of the steps, watching and waiting for the doors of the Crime Lab to open and reveal their prize. Rayas was a big catch, and an even bigger scoop. Reporters were like hyenas, they had no sense of loyalty.

Over the past year I'd come to hate them, I'd had a microphone jammed in my face far too many times to actually like them.

I was standing at the top as far way from the exit as I could get, my back resting against the wall that ran along side the steps. My sunglasses were over my eyes, as I watched the door open revealing a dishevelled and irate Rayas, being hurled down the steps by two burly patrol men. His hands were cuffed behind his back and I couldn't imagine anything I enjoyed seeing more right now. A smile curved across my lips as I watched the throng of reporters rush towards him, cameras clicking, microphones being thrust into his face. They had no mercy not even for one of their own.

I felt Tim's presence beside me before he spoke.

"You look like your day just got better." He remarked bemused.

"Seeing Rayas in cuffs, having a microphone shoved in his face, just made my year." I responded, taking a sidelong glance at him over the top of my sun glasses.

He was standing straight, arms crossed over his chest, his own sunglasses hiding his eyes from me, his face expressionless.

"You still wanna get that drink?" I asked, averting my gaze back to Rayas, who just had the door to the patrol car slammed in his face.

"Yea…My bike's in shop at the minute so we'll have to take your car." He informed me.

I nodded my agreement before we strode down the steps together, each in silence contemplating the trials and tribulations of the day and thanking God that it was all over.

* * *

The bar was a civilian one; a cop bar would have been too much at the current moment. We didn't need to be cops right now; we needed to be Kate and Tim, two people going for a quiet drink. The bar was anonymous and so were we. It was bristling with enough people to be deemed popular.

There were free stools against the front of the bar. The two of us slipped onto them wordlessly, Tim raised his hand towards the bartender signalling him over. The bartender gave Tim a nod of recognition, it was clear he'd been there before.

The bartender already had the bottle of tequila in his hands and was setting it down in front of us, along side two shot glasses. I raised my eyebrows as Tim reached for the bottle unscrewing the lid.

"You come here a lot?" I asked, moving the two shot glasses within his reach.

Tim shrugged, concentrating as he poured us each a shot. He wasn't in a talking mood apparently and that made me irate that he'd invited me here to be his drinking buddy. He picked up his glass the same time as I grabbed mine. We kinked glasses before throwing the drink down our throats. The liquid burnt, making me shudder as it worked its way through my body. As soon as I slammed my glass back down on the bar Tim was pouring me another.

"We are going to play a game." He told me, holding up his glass and swilling the liquid around.

"I think we're a little too old to be playing drinking games." I remarked dryly.

Tim carried on as if he hadn't heard me, tipping his glass towards me as he narrowed his eyes.

"We both get to ask each other anything, but you have to answer honestly. Each question is worth one shot of tequila so you better choose wisely because I know you can't hold your liquor." He said pointing at me.

I rolled my eyes.

"That was back then." I retorted.

"Prove it." He demanded.

"Ask your question and then I'll ask mine." I smirked.

Tim snorted, as he twirled the shot glass between his fingers, before throwing his head back and swallowing the fiery substance.

"The note." He gasped. "Why'd you leave the note?"

I was already filling up his glass with the bottle, the way I figured he had a lot more questions to ask than I did; I'd be carrying his drunken ass home at this rate.

His eyes were on me now as I rolled my glass between my hands, focusing on it rather than having to look at him.

"That's because I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye. If I'd looked you in the eyes and tried to break up with you…I couldn't watch your heart break like that, I wouldn't have left. As it stands that was the only way I could do it without having you change my mind."

I took my own shot, cringing at the fire in my throat, clasping the glass to my chest as I regained my composure. Tim was sitting there looking forlorn as he fiddled with his own glass, staring into it.

"You ever gonna forgive me?" I asked, topping up my own glass.

"I'm working on it. I really am… You know I tried to fight you in the beginning, I hated you being back here, it tore me up inside." He paused, nursing his glass sadly as he looked down at the contents.

"It should have been me who'd died not Hollis, I have nothing to lose." He said, tipping his head and pouring the drink down his throat.

His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and as I reached out and touched his arm, Tim flinched. I drew back quickly, feeling my whole body slump in resignation.

"You have me. You always have me Tim." I said quietly, focusing on my glass instead of him.

Two shots and I was already feeling dizzy, I tried to remember when I'd last eaten…

"I had you there's a difference, we can't go on pretending this is us Kate. I want to trust you but I just can't. Your just gonna do it all over again and I can't risk that."

I nodded, taking another shot before trusting myself to speak. The alcohol was making it easier to talk, and I was determined to exploit that the best I could. Years of keeping secrets had got me nothing. So a night of telling the truth wasn't going to hurt.

"Truth be told Tim, I wish I could take it back. You have no idea how badly I want to fix this. I'm here now; I want to make this work. I can't be around you and not have you in my life at least in some way. I can't keep up this game of not talking you, of not being around you. It's wearing thin."

The drink made the words in my head come out in the open and occurred to me as he took his next shot that it was easier for him too. We could both claim ignorance in the morning, but we'd both have the answers we wanted.

"I miss you Kate, but you broke my heart... I know you can't promise to not do it again, so I'm not going to force you. I just wish things were different. Hell if you hadn't gone UC we would have been married by now."

His words cut into me deeply, as we both kinked glasses knocked back our drinks. That one had hurt us both. Five years ago I should have been Kate Speedle. Taking off that ring had hurt so damn much I almost couldn't do it.

Focusing on the past wasn't going to help us with the future that lay ahead. So I asked the questions that I needed answered, the ones that mattered now.

"Can you at least give me a chance to make up for what I've done? Do you think that you will ever be able to forgive me?" I asked him quietly.

The alcohol was taking over completely; my words were coming from my heart now instead of my head. I caught myself watching Tim's face, imagining my hands running through his dark, unruly hair, and his lips covering mine.

There was always so much left to do, so much left to say. Would that ever stop?

The way the two of us were heading I doubted it. We couldn't change our feelings but we could ignore them, get the hell as far away from each other as possible. I could go to Cuba, I declared in my head. I'd always wanted to go to Cuba, although I couldn't remember why.

So if this didn't work out, which it probably wouldn't, due to the fact we were both stupid and stubborn I was going to pack up and go to Cuba…

Maybe Europe too, I wondered how many miles it would take between us to get my heart to stop aching.

Tim was talking again now, I knew it was time to tune back in and listen. Now was the only time either of us were going to be honest with each other.

"Do you think you won't do it again? I need to know Kate before I can consider going anywhere near you." He warned me, through narrowed eyes.

The question jolted me, making me remember that this was serious. His face was tilted towards me, waiting for my reply and all I could think about was kissing those soft sensual lips.

The words slipped out before I could stop them, leaving me vulnerable and naked, for some reason I didn't have the ability to lie when I was drunk, which was why I'd spent six years sober.

"I can't honestly say I won't ever go UC again, but I promise you that I won't do what I did again. If you are in my life, even just as a friend, I won't leave. If you aren't in my life, well, who knows, there'd be nothing left for me in Miami." I informed him, with a tiny shrug of my shoulders.

It was true, and I hadn't realized how much so until then. If he rejected me again I was out of here. There was only so much bruising my heart could take and Cuba was still looking good right now.

I always thought of Cuba when I was drunk, I liked the rustic idealism of the place, the tourism side of the culture. I liked the idea of getting lost there. In my sober hours there wasn't a chance in hell I was ever going there, there was far too much political unrest for me to step foot on the place, too much violence to counteract. But when I was drunk, it seemed like a safe haven. Which was why I was glad they did not let drunk people on flights.

I turned my attention back to Tim who swallowed hard before nodding his agreement at the uneasy stalemate that had been formed between us.

"I suppose that's good enough for now...so friends?" he reached his hand out to shake mine.

I stared at it suspiciously before taking it. His rough hand enclosing on mine, reminding me of what they would feel like roaming my body…

"And I promise I'll try not to pounce on you again like in the locker room…and the Hummer." he added, with a smirk as I shivered.

He was so not helping chase away the images in my head right now. I longed to feel him pressing against me, his fingertips digging into my hips as he guided himself inside me…

"I really wasn't complaining." I remarked, feeling the heat rush through my body, hoping my face wasn't portraying my thoughts.

My body was aching for him. There was a fire inside me that was unfulfilled and wanting. The truth was I hadn't been satisfied in a long time.

Tim's fingertip traced a line from the centre of my forehead and down along my nose before trailing along the curve of my lips. I kissed the end of his finger before parting my lips and letting my tongue flick along the underside. Tim's entire body tensed as he withdrew his finger from my mouth, and leaned forward so his lips were next to my ear. His hand slipped across my body so it rested on my side pulling me closer to him, and I had to say, I went willingly.

"You know, I think you kinda liked being pressed up against the Hummer, my hands touching all over your body, where anyone could catch us." His hot breath on my ear was making my body tingle, his hand was rubbing my soft skin through the silk and it felt so damn good.

"You know I was never one for much modesty. I would let you do pretty much anything you wanted to me. Anywhere you wanted me." I spoke in a low tone, tipping my head back, as his fingers slipped underneath the hem of my camisole, kneading the sensitive flesh underneath.

I rose against his touch, my hands coming to settle on his hips so I could keep myself close to him. I revelled in his masculine scent as I tipped my head back exposing my throat to his lips, my hands gliding underneath his shirt and scrapping across his skin.

His deep intake of breath told me everything I wanted to know and more, I could already feel the intense heat rushing through my body, eager under his touch, desperate to hear his husky moans as he thrust inside me.

"Does that mean right now, you'd let me take you home and remind you why you were with me in the first place?" he murmured against my skin, his lips feather light, making me shudder against him, demanding more.

I wasn't surprised by his words, and I wasn't offended. I wanted him more than anything, body, heart and soul, and I knew as he shifted under my wandering hands that this may just be my chance to fix everything I'd broken.

"Don't make offers unless you are willing to follow through with them." I warned him.

I pulled back so our faces were merely inches apart. I could feel his ragged breath on my face already, his hunger shone in his eyes, filled with desire and tinged with need. My god I wanted him so badly. My panties were getting wet just thinking about what he was going to do to me with those skilled hands.

"One night, me and you, just like old times." He murmured.

His dark eyes strayed downwards as I bit down on my bottom lip, his finger tips were toying with the waist band of my trousers, making my body clench at his unspoken promises.

We were bold and fearless, the drink had seen to that. All the tension between us was melting away. The walls we'd created were breaking down, giving way to our lust and desire for one another. I craved the sensation of his supple skin on mine. I wanted, no, I needed him buried deep inside me, chasing away the fears brought on by the day.

"Like I said, anytime, anywhere. But do you really think that one time will be enough?" I challenged, raising an articulate eyebrow.

"If it stops me imagining the things I do...Then yea I hope so."

I drew back, realizing this for what it really was. A one night stand. Something to take away his fear and his pain. Nothing more, nothing less. I didn't want to think about that, my drink fogged brain told me I didn't have to, right now this was the highest I'd ever been in years. I had to see it through. I needed to do this because I needed to feel alive and he was the only one I trusted to let me let go of everything I was holding onto.

"I don't think that will be enough for you." I whispered against his bristled cheek.

"We'll have to wait and see, if it develops into something more. If not...well we had fun." He reasoned, his hand trailing up my bare arm, affectionate and enticing as he played with the thin straps of my camisole and bra.

"So, are you going to just keep telling me what fun we can have? Or are you going to show me?" I teased, my hand resting on his leg through the denim of his jeans.

I let my fingers slip to his inner thigh and, nails dragging along the seam of his jeans until I felt the hem of his boxers through the tight material. His body was rigid against me as his lips brushed my ear again.

"I could tell you if you wanted. About how I want to get you home, peel off your clothes one by one and…"

I couldn't take anymore; his ministrations on my body were driving me insane. So I silenced him with deep and passionate kiss, thrusting my tongue into his mouth, as I slipped off the stool stumbling into his body. Tim's strong arms wrapped around my waist holding me steady as he drew away, breathless.

"You're coming home with me tonight." He told me, the intense look in his eyes making my knees go weak.

There was not a chance in hell that I was going to say no.

* * *

We were barely inside Tim's door before it started.

Tim's lips were already on mine, devouring my mouth with a hunger that neither of us could control. My tongue was in his mouth, exploring and tentative as I grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him close against me. I could feel his lean muscles underneath his clothes as Tim's hands rested on my hips holding me firm against him as he guided us through to the living room.

One hand was in my hair as he slammed me against the wall, his teeth grazing my neck making my body squirm against him as his lips trailed downwards to my collar bone. His tongue flickered out tracing along the soft skin there as his hands caressed me through the silk of my top, drawing it slowly upwards with each kiss he placed on my supple skin.

Tim's mouth drew away for a brief second to pull the top over my head, before his lips reclaimed mine, his tongue slipped into my mouth deep and searching making me melt against his body. His coarse hands traced the outline of my body making my skin tingle as I pressed myself against him. Tim's body was responding to mine as always, I could feel his erection through my trousers as he ground against me, pinning my body to the wall with his. I let out a loud moan at the sensation, tearing at his shirt, needing to feel his bare skin against mine.

My fingers were already on the buttons of his shirt, as I started to undo them one by one. My lips took the place of each button, gently nipping and kissing down his firm muscles until I was on my knees in front of him. Tim's hands were tangled in my hair as I undid the fly on his jeans and tugged them down around his ankles. His erection was impressive even though the soft material of his boxer shorts. Just knowing that I'd caused it, sent a thrill through me. I ran a hand up his inner thigh letting my hand glide over his erection as my mouth caressed his cock through the thin material. My fingers clasped the hem of his boxers before I slid them down his muscular thighs whilst Tim watched my tongue lick all the way up his shaft of his cock and then back down again. I paused helping him out of his boots, underwear and jeans before letting my nails graze their way up along the back of his thighs and over his ass.

Tim shuddered as I flicked my tongue across the tip of his cock before I wrapped my lips around it, taking the length of him in my mouth. Tim gasped at the sudden motion, his hands pulling at my hair as I began to move slowly, savouring the taste of him in my mouth. Tim's hips were moving in time with me as he thrust between my lips. His breathing was coming in ragged pants, as his grip on my hair tightened, only turning me on more.

"Jesus Kate." He muttered in between breathes.

His body was beginning to tense. His moans getting louder. He was close now, but I wasn't finished with him.

I pulled my mouth away and rose to my feet. Tim's hands were on my body, roaming all over as his lips crashed down on mine. I was losing myself in him all over again as I felt myself being propelled backwards towards an open doorway. Before I knew it we were in his bed room standing before the unmade bed.

His hands were running up my back towards my bra clasp, it joined his shirt on the floor. Our kisses were hot and feverish, his tongue teasing mine with promises that I knew he could fulfil. His hands kneaded my breasts gently making me press against him as Tim backed me towards the bed. His fingers were already undoing the button on my trousers eagerly. A wave of pure pleasure rushed through me as his lips enclosed around my nipple, sending me into a frenzy as his tongue lapped at the firm bud. His other hand was guiding my trousers down my thighs so I could step out of them. I moaned out loud as his hand trailed gently up the sensitive inner thigh and came to trace my clit through my soaked silk underwear. I clutched him to me as the tingling sensation gripped me, making me tremble under his touch.

"You're so wet." He moaned, before his mouth kissed a pathway to my other nipple, devouring it hungrily.

My knees went weak as he lowered me gently to the bed bracing himself naked, on top of me.

His fingertips were tracing the top of my panties, tender and teasing before he slipped his hand underneath the lace waist band.

I moaned out loud as his fingers rubbed over my slick clit before he slid two fingers inside of me suddenly.

My body arched against his hand, his fingers seeking out my sweet spot, as I cried out his name. My hands were in his hair now, tugging at it as his teeth grazed my throat. His fingers were moving faster now, hitting that same spot over and over again. My nails were raking across his back as he brought me closer and closer to the release I so desperately needed.

"You're gonna make me cum." I told him between my illicit moans as the waves of ecstasy hit me, becoming more and more powerful as his skilled fingers moved inside me.

Tim removed his fingers suddenly, leaving me almost whimpering and begging for more. His lips moved to my ear as his hands wrenched my panties downwards. I couldn't wait any longer; I needed him to fuck me now.

"I'm going to make you cum all over my cock." He murmured hoarsely, sending a thrill of excitement through me.

His body was pressing against mine, his skin slick with perspiration as he positioned himself between my legs. His eyes were on mine, watching my face as he rubbed his naked erection against my wetness. I arched against him, as he teased my sensitive nerves, pushing me right to the edge again and again until I was begging him to fuck me.

"Please. I need you right now." I pleaded.

My whole body was a slave to him, and I knew he liked having me in this position.

A ghost of a smile crossed Tim's lips as he bent his head to meet my lips. Our tongues mingled together as he slid inside me slowly, inch by inch. I bit down on his lip as my body bucked underneath his at the sudden burst of pleasure at him filling me. He was moaning into my mouth as he began to thrust deep inside me. I moved my hips in time with his as the pace began to quicken, my breathing ragged. My nails were scraping across his back as each thrust brought me closer to that ultimate release. We were getting close now, I could see it in the way his face contorted above me and in the sound of his husky moans as he drove harder and deeper into me. His beautiful brown eyes were watching my face as I begin to whimper at the promise of impending orgasm.

"I love you."

The words had come from his lips and not mine.

I couldn't say a word, my throat constricted with the power of the emotions that were claiming us. His lips were covering mine again; desperate and wanting as he felt my body beginning to tense underneath him.

My hands were running up his back, nails scrapping across his skin as the first wave of pleasure took over my body, tearing through me, causing my grip on his body tightened as my muscles contracted around him. His name on my lips as he thrust one last time, his body shuddering against me, his face buried in my neck as he whispered my name. My hands caressed the firm muscles of his back as we lay there, my hand running through his thick, unruly hair, caught in a moment of sheer bliss.

Tim was the first to move, his lips trailing down my neck as he slid himself out of me and rolled into the space next to bed.

Tim reached for the duvet yanking it over us both, his warm body pressed against mine as his arm wrapped around my waist. I twisted under the sheets so my back was pressed against his chest. His mouth was kissing along the back of my neck making me sigh in contentment.

"I missed that." He whispered, his breath tickling my ear.

Tim's nose was tickling my neck and made me giggle as his lips followed the trail it was leaving.

"I didn't ask about birth control." he said suddenly, it only just occurring to him.

I turned in his arms to face him, seeing him looking stricken at his own lack of responsibility. I tilted my head to look up at him pointedly.

"And you used to be Mr Responsible." I teased before turning serious again. "I'm on the pill."

The sigh of relief that left his body was clearly visible and I found I rolled my eyes at him.

"No offence Speedle but it's a little too early for you to be knocking me up." I informed him wearily.

"I don't want kids." He stated, his eyes already closed, his voice sleepy.

"Good." I responded, snuggling closer into his chest.

Tim's hand was in my hair, guiding my head into a comfortable position on his chest. I could hear his heart beat against my ear as my body relaxed, his hand absently stroking my hair as tiredness began to overtake me.

For the second time today I thanked God for sparing Tim Speedle.

* * *

_**Well I hope this chapter goes down a lot better than the last one did. I'm pouting here at the lack of reviews on it. I slaved over this chapter so I'd love to know what you all think.**_

_**Also special thanks to My Little Miss Montana, you know who you are chica, this wouldn't have been possible without you urging me on all the way.**_

_Blue: lol I demand brownies!! Lol I seriously deserve some after this chapter. Thankies for the review, glad to know there's cookies coming my way._

_BEG: lol I almost needed a cold shower writing it. Lol I'm doing a little packing at the moment, which always makes me a little sad. I'm glad the story's bring joy to someone. Kate is just a hard ass, she's my fav OC at the min, and as you know I have a lot of plans for her. I can't wait for her to kick some proper ass. I'm looking forward to Grave Young Men._

_Mauveine: lol Eric is way the light relief between the two of them. I love writing them together because there's so much pushing and pulling. It is heart breaking. He tries to figure things out. Lol I know abut the flash back I was like where did that come from? But you started the ball rolling with the perfume idea, and Speed naked, the idea makes me melt. Lol I so would have done a Kate and looked!_


	10. Chapter 10: Grave Young Men

Chapter Ten: Grave Young Men

_We all begin with good intent_

_Love was raw and young_

_We believed that we could change ourselves_

_The past could be undone_

_But we carry on our backs the burden_

_Time always reveals_

_In the lonely light of morning_

_In the wound that would not heal_

_It's the bitter taste of losing everything_

_That I've held so dear._

_I've fallen..._

_I have sunk so low_

_I messed up_

_Better I should know_

_So don't come round here_

_And tell me I told you so..._

_Sarah McLachlan – Fallen_

A loud shrill noise was piercing through his aching skull as he opened one eye lazily eyeing his vibrating cell phone with malice. His whole body was protesting as he rolled on his side to grab the offending item, meaning he'd got a pretty good work out the night before. He also had just realized he was entirely naked, which meant he'd brought someone home with him. His phone was in his hands now and he was squinting at the caller ID trying to ignore the pounding in his head.

"Make the noise stop." A voice commanded from underneath the sheets.

Tim froze, taking a few seconds for his groggy brain to accept that there was someone else in the bed with him. He frowned at the familiar shape before turning his attention back to the noise that was assaulting his senses almost violently.

Great now he had someone to go through the awkward morning after routine with. Someone annoying and demanding by the sound of it. He narrowed his eyes staring at the caller ID and trying to make out the tiny digital words.

_Megan._

Tim pressed disconnect before flicking the phone onto silent and off vibrate. Yet another problem he had to face. She'd probably heard about the shootout yesterday and watched to come by to play nurse. He knew who he wanted to play nurse and it wasn't that curly haired harpy.

Tim found himself sighing at the memory of Kate in a nurse's outfit from way, way back. He had to admit it had been a complete turn on when she'd stepped into their bedroom wearing the tiny white uniform with matching white stockings. It sent shivers up and down his spine remembering that now.

The girl next to him made a groaning noise, reminding Tim that she was still there and it was no the time to be reminiscing over his ex girlfriend. He took a deep breath trying to figure out how to handle this. He remembered very little besides doing shots at the bar and selective images of some one's flesh melding against his.

A one night stand…

He hadn't done that in a very long time.

The girl in question was slivering towards him under the covers, her face turned the opposite way so he couldn't catch a glimpse of it. Shit he didn't even catch a name.

Tim was alarmed by how close the girl was getting now, she was trying to snuggle against him and that was not something he felt comfortable with especially not from a stranger. So he tried to scoot away discreetly, catching sight of the hair underneath the covers and swallowing hard.

Shit he'd picked up a girl who looked like Kate, or at least had the same kind of hair. He was mentally thumping himself in the forehead. He'd made that a taboo in the past, never pick up a girl who looked remotely like the woman who'd broken his heart. It was too painful…

She was getting closer now and Tim found himself already hanging over the edge of the bed with nowhere to go.

"You keep doing that then your gonna fall out of the bed."

Tim was speechless as the female next to him, rolled on to her back, throwing her arm over her head and tilting her face up towards him.

_Kate._

His mind was working frantically trying to make sense of this anomaly as a sense of immense dread filled him. The covers were pulled up to her chest but there was no mistaking the fact she was also naked underneath them.

"We didn't… did we?" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Kate's eyes snapped open as her head twisted slowly towards him. He suddenly felt very, very stupid. Her sensual lips pursed together as she narrowed her tired evergreen eyes at him.

"You gave me the best orgasm I've had in six years and you don't actually remember it?" She exclaimed incredulously.

He felt utterly aghast at the situation at hand and totally unequipped to deal with it. He remembered certain things but he knew he was missing some very important highlights of the night.

"I wouldn't…" he tried but the look on her face made his mouth clamp shut.

"You did, check out the scratch marks on your back. Or have you not realized we're both naked? Do you usually get naked with a girl just to sleep?" Kate shot back at him her voice dripping with sarcasm.

She began to shuffle back over towards her side of the bed, keeping herself covered from his prying eyes, hence giving him some freedom to move into a position where he wasn't on the edge of the mattress.

"I don't bring girls back; it makes it easier to leave in the morning." He explained, before putting a hand to his mouth to make himself shut the hell up.

Kate's beautiful face darkened before she tore back the duvet and climbed out of the bed completely naked. He couldn't help but marvel at the sight of her slender body. He was transfixed analysing every curve and detail of her. The only thing that had changed was the ugly jagged scar that was etched into the skin on the left side of her back.

He found himself wanting to ask, but his brain was having a problem functioning due to the stirring in his groin. He was watching in fascination now as Kate slid the sleek, black silk panties up her toned thighs. He shuddered just watching her. He definitely remembered taking those off.

Kate was slipping on her matching black bra now; he tilted his head as she fastened the clasp at her back with ease. He remembered the time he'd undone it with his teeth just to see if he could. It wasn't until she'd stepped back into her trousers and was yanking open the bedroom door that he realized what she was actually doing.

He was on his feet in an instant wrapping the sheet around his naked waist and holding it, bundled tightly in his fist as not to indecently expose himself. This was not a conversation he wanted to have naked.

"Kate." he called after her as she disappeared into the hallway.

He followed her as quickly as he could, trying not to trip on the sheets as she scooped the silky strap top off the carpeted floor of the hallway. Shit… he remembered that coming off too, and then the feel of her lips on his as he slammed her against that wall.

How could he have forgotten that? How could he have forgotten her?

Kate was pulling the top over her head now, mumbling something under her breath. She'd almost made it to the front door. He caught the words as his hand enclosed on her arm.

"Great… this is just fucking great." She muttered as he span her around to face him.

"Stop right now." He commanded.

Her evergreen eyes were etched with a fury he'd never seen before, not even the time she'd thrown that apple at him.

"Get the fuck off me." She snarled at him, her face contorted in rage as she tore her arm from his grip and sprung for front door.

Tim almost toppled over caught up in trying to grab her again and clasp the slipping sheets to his body before he ended up flashing someone.

"Call me if you remember anything." She snapped, yanking open the door and exposing him to the harsh light of day.

He used an arm to shield his face from the freakishly bright light, as pain erupted in his head. It was only going to get worse, so he took a step forward to brave it. He needed to get her back here.

"He's all yours." Kate spat at someone standing out side of his door before stepping out of the house.

He was left standing there clutching his sheets to his half naked body, trying to spare his eyes from the harsh morning light as he watched Kate's retreating back stalk to the end of his drive way and then out of sight. Someone else stepped into the light, blocking it out and giving him a brief reprieve from the glare of the beaming Miami sun.

He thought his day couldn't get any worse but he was wrong.

Standing there before him, making no effort to hide the fact she was admiring his naked form was Megan.

"I need a minute." He croaked before slamming the door in her face.

* * *

Tim was still wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, even though he'd practically shoved Megan out of the door an hour ago. Of all the god damned things to do…

He stared at the back of his hand still seeing traces of her repulsive lipstick marring his skin. She'd practically thrown herself at him as soon as he'd reappeared at the door wearing jeans from the night before and his favourite grey t-shirt he'd found atop of the laundry pile.

Her lips had been on his within seconds, her tongue forcing itself down his throat. His hands had gripped her shoulders, literally pushing her away from him.

Suddenly he found her chattering at him and he couldn't focus on the words.

She'd been so worried… blah blah blah. They'd all melted into the same old spiel she usually gave. Usually he gave her a chance and heard her out. But under the impending circumstances, there was not a chance in hell he could face this onslaught now. He was more hung over than he'd been in a long time and Kate had stormed out because he couldn't keep his stupid mouth shut and enjoy the moment.

He was to blame for this, him and that stupid tequila bottle.

Tim was sitting on the floor now, his knees drew up, legs apart so he could rest his elbows on them and clasp his hand together. His dark eyes were firmly fixed on the object in front of him. He'd been staring at the shoe box for the past ten minutes and he still couldn't get up the courage to open it.

It was Pandora's Box.

Opening it would be like unleashing a whole host of evils on himself, emotions he'd spent the years bottling up and trying to bury. All that was left of their relationship resided in a small box that he kept locked in the back of his closet.

For a long time it had been the only evidence that she'd existed. He used to look through it all the time just to make sure he hadn't gone crazy and created her from a figment of his imagination. It used to be something that held reassurances but now it was an object of terror. Something that could break him.

Tim rubbed his hand along his three days worth of stubble on his chin. He needed to do this, he had to re-evaluate things; it was time to make a decision.

Make or break…

His hands were trembling as he lifted the lid gently off the box. He wasn't sure whether that was because of the hangover or the fact he was terrified of doing this.

It was the pictures that came first. He'd stacked them almost lovingly on top of everything else. There were several of them back from the time when he was always taking pictures with that damn camera.

Kate had always been the subject and she'd always obligated him with a pose, she didn't care how dumb it looked, only that taking the pictures made him happy.

After she'd left he gone through a purge of all the photographs he'd taken, he'd thrown a lot of them away when he'd been selling the apartment they'd bought together. It had been time to move on and get rid of the things that reminded him of her. But there were some pictures he found himself unable to part with. A small stack he'd locked away in this box along with his heart.

He took them out and held the first one between his fingers as his eyes rested on the image before him. He couldn't help but smirk; she was wearing an orange bed shirt. The camera had caught the moment of motion as she posed for him drawing her arms up over her head, her eyes closed, her lips parted. The shirt had ridden up and her black panties were revealed along with her taunt stomach muscles. Her long legs on display. She didn't have a care in the world, and he remembered neither had he. The clothes had come off after that, but those pictures were long gone, he'd thrown them away but for some reason this was the only one of that selection he couldn't part with. It was sexy, sassy and it was Kate, it captured her innocent and her wickedness all in one picture. It was her essence and as he set it down and picked up the second, he found he missed those days they used to share, just in the apartment together. It wasn't long after that photograph that he decided he wanted to marry her.

The photograph before him was his favourite. It was the private side of Kate, the one he only got to see. He'd used the back and white function on the camera to take it. She'd been sitting against the couch on the floor, one leg stretched out in front of her, the other at a comfortable angle as she read a novel, her eye brows etched in concentration. Her hair fell in waves around her face. She was wearing his grey v-neck sweater over loose denim cut offs. It was slipping off her left shoulder, revealing small expanse of skin across her chest and naked shoulder. It was as she set the novel down and tilted her head to gaze at him that he took the picture. The softer edges of Kate's personality shone in this picture, the tenderness in her eyes and sheer adoration she used to have for him.

Tim was finding it hard to breathe as he set it face down on the carpet and moved onto the next offending item in the box.

The Ring.

He stared at the tiny circle between his fingers and sighed. It was a silver band of channel set diamonds with a larger one set in the middle. It was stunning; the minute Kate had seen it in the window of Tiffany's her eyes had lit up. The next day he'd gone back and bought it.

Tim felt the weight of it in his palm and closed his eyes, clenching his fist. The band was cutting into his skin now but he didn't care, he needed to feel it.

_Her skin was against his, slick and glistening as she moved underneath him. His eyes were on her face as her head tilted back in ecstasy. The illicit moans that came from her mouth were pushing him further to the edge. This was how it was meant to be. Just him and her, no boundaries. All thoughts of what had happened were out of his mind and he was focusing on what was in front of him right now and he was getting lost in the sensations that they were creating. She was his and he was claiming her. _

_The words were on his lips as he felt it rush through his body. _

"_I love you."_

Tim's eyes snapped open as his hand went to his mouth as if to stifle the words that had erupted from him in the early hours of this morning. Suddenly the pieces fell into place. He suddenly realized why she had left like that this morning and he was kicking himself. He ran his hands through his hair, the ring still clutched in his hand.

He couldn't believe he'd slipped up like that, he got caught up in her and suddenly the words were out and he couldn't take them back.

No wonder she was pissed.

He knew she remembered it and those words they meant the world to her. If he hadn't used them everything would be ok, this would have just been a one night stand…

He knew that wasn't true. One night with Kate was never going to be enough.

There was only one thing left now.

The Note.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to reopen that wound. The note was reserved for having your heart ripped out of your chest and right now he wasn't strong enough for that. All the damage she'd done with one sheet of paper in her curvy feminine print, it was astounding, he could face down murderers without blinking an eye but this tiny piece of lined paper scared the living hell out of him.

His hand was already enclosed on it, creasing the thin sheet in his grasp.

The noise of his cell phone jolted him before he could unfold the tear stained paper. Tim was on his feet and striding towards the kitchen table checking the caller ID before he answered.

There was no way he could deal with yet another Megan scenario today.

He set the paper down on the table, flat underneath his palm as he listened to dispatch rattle off the location.

In seconds he was flicking his phone shut and snatching his keys up off the table before groaning. His bike was still in the shop until tomorrow. He was going to need a lift.

It was time to call Delko and keep his fingers crossed that he'd end up with anyone but Kate as a partner.

Tim Speedle knew fate was not going to smile on him today.

* * *

The Crime Scene was at a condo over looking the beach. A beautiful, expensive view, for the woman who deserved the best. Alison Donahue was all about the best. Just standing in her master bedroom I could see that, from the feather pillows to the Egyptian Cotton sheets. The floor underneath my feet was the finest laminate available; the walls had definitely been decorated by an interior designer. Everything about Alison Donahue screamed it was all about her tastes in life.

Even her taste in boyfriends. Charles Latham was the upper end of the sale. Perfect shape, marathon runner, a high class CEO of a Miami based company. Alison was fishing in the big leagues with a guy like that.

The body of Charles Latham was lying on its back, wearing only its underwear. There was bruising patterning his body, which indicated he'd been moved at least once. This was the first suspicious indictor of foul play, one of the many that was already leading back to Alison.

"What are you thinking?" I asked Alexx as I studied the position of the body on the bed, crouched down next to her.

"Definite signs of asphyxiation, I'd say the poor guy had fallen asleep in his pillow if I wasn't watching that." Alexx pointed down the hallway in the direction of kitchen.

I raised my eyes watching the scene in front of me feeling slightly nauseous. The dead guy's girlfriend was currently engaging Bernstein with a little entertainment of her own.

Alison Donahue was stunning; her skin had a natural porcelain, flawless complexion. Her eyes were a vivid and bright green. Her dark hair was wavy and fell past her shoulders, it was salon created and probably cost a mint to upkeep but I had to admit it looked fantastic on her. Then again she already knew that. Underneath that white silky robe was the body of a model, and one she was currently flaunting in Bernstein's direction and it didn't take ten guesses to understand why.

She was perfection, a freaking modern day Snow White.

Her lips curved in a sensual pout as her long fingers traced Bernstein's clipboard, her voice was low and talking in rich seductive tones. I couldn't hear her words but I was guessing they were peppered with pretty little promises. I rolled my eyes before returning my gaze to Alexx, shaking my head.

"She so did it." I stated as Alexx tipped Chuck onto his side, checking the lividity on his back.

"That's up to you to prove." Alexx reminded me, as she flipped Chuck back as she flipped Chuck back down.

"Trust me that is going to be immensely satisfying." I informed her, leaning back on my haunches to flick open the clips on my crime scene kit.

The second door to the bedroom opened, my hand was instantly on my gun as Alexx and I raised our heads to meet the intruder. Speedle glanced up as he stepped in through the door, his gaze watching mine before he jerked his head away, clearing his throat before taking in the scene.

I pursed my lips together, before turning my attention back to Alexx.

I was supposed to be taking on this case alone. First one Horatio had trusted me with since I'd gotten here. To have Speedle of all people walk in and join in the fun was as frustrating as hell, especially after the mess that was this morning.

I was furious and bitter but I was better then this. I could be professional, but right now I was already on the edge from seeing Alison's little interaction with Bernstein.

I could feel his presence at the bottom of the bed, as he stood there, looming over the body.

"Erm… Horatio wants me to take over this case." Tim stated.

The silence that followed was awkward, my jaw clenched so tightly it ached before I turned my head towards him, temper flaring as he refused to even look at my face. My eyes were on his dishevelled profile, as he bit his lip.

"Does he think you're more competent than I am?" I retorted, closing my kit and raising to my feet to face him.

Tim sighed sensing the challenge, before folding his arms and tilting his head towards me in a round about manner.

"He needs your help on another case." Tim hesitated before adding. "I'll need the Hummer."

I exhaled deeply, fighting the urge to strangle him. So he used me and then he stole my case, fantastic. He certainly knew how to kick a girl when she was down. But I was a professional, I could get past this, I would get past this.

"It ok if I grab a ride with you Alexx?" I asked biting my tongue as I twisted my head towards Alexx.

Alexx scrutinized my face before glancing at Speedle, who was staring down the hallway at the approaching model before realization spread over her features. I found myself unable to meet her eyes.

"Of course sugar whatever you need." She said softly, her eyes flickering to Alison as she appeared in the doorway clutching her cup of coffee.

Alison's eyes fixed immediately on the lone male in the room, as he set his kit on the dresser and flicked it open. Apparently Alexx and I didn't exist anymore. She only had eyes for him, which in turn made me want to beat the living hell out of her. Thank God I had self restraint otherwise I would be bitch slapping her right now.

Jealously was not becoming of a woman, my mom had taught me that, and I knew how to be tough and dignified.

"You're off the case? That's too bad." Alison pouted at me before turning her complete attention onto the attractive dark haired male in front of her.

Even in his hungover state Speedle looked handsome, his Irish heritage shining through even more the afternoon sunshine caught the lighter tints in his wavy dark hair, his stubble making him look even more rugged and sexy.

My throat constricted for a second and my insides clenched.

_God damn you Speedle._

"But I see your leaving me in the very capable hands of some very nice men." Her tiny hand was rubbing Tim's forearm through his button up shirt and he stood there, expressionless, watching her.

Her voluptuous lips pursed together as she raised those pretty green eyes up to his face, trying to gauge his reaction.

A woman knows how to play a man and I had to admit Alison was a true artist. She was better than I was; better than I could ever be.

Was I disappointed in that? It wouldn't have made him stay anyway. Tim had made up his mind the minute we'd entered the bar yesterday. He'd even said it.

_One night, me and you, just like old times._

I'd been wrong about him, time had changed him more than I had expected. It was my own fault really I'd made him cold and cruel, at least towards me. However in response to Alison's advances he seemed to be in his element and I was beginning to struggle in my attempt to take the high ground here. My fist was clenched, my fingernails scraping across the skin of my palm, to stem the resentment rushing through me.

"Why do women do that to their nails?" Tim had taken her hand now in his larger one his thumb caressing along her long fingers, his eyes studying the glittering charms on Alison's nails as she gave him that brilliant smile.

"To attract men of course." Alison giggled.

She pressed her palm to his chest lightly, before leaning in, her hand rubbing over the muscles near the centre of his chest, right over that bruise from the gunshot he'd taken.

The last nail in the coffin, my resolve broke.

"Do me a favour Alison and take that tea and get the hell out of this room." I snarled, jerking my head in the general direction of the doorway.

Alison fixed Tim with a sulky expression, making a point to blatantly ignore me. My nostrils flared, as I narrowed my eyes, glaring at the back of her beautiful black head.

"I don't really have to do that do I?" she fluttered her eyelashes, leaning into him so he could get a good look at her cleavage.

As I said a woman knows a woman and watching Alison pulling those tricks was sending me into a vicious, spiteful mood.

Tim cleared his throat, his voice gruff as he averted his gaze, glancing at me over Alison's shoulder. He must have caught sight of my expression because his eyes were back on Alison and he was rubbing the back of his head almost regretfully.

"Better do what the lady says for now." He said apologetically, lowering his gaze.

Alison retreated back towards the door way, taking up a position where she could watch vigil over Tim Speedle. My jaw clenched as I strode towards him, trying to ignore the fire that was rushing through my veins at being thrown into this position. As much as I tried to play the professional, in regards to Tim my emotions always got the best of me.

"You need a cold shower, go back and tell Horatio you'll help with his case." I said in hushed tones.

I was standing in front of him now, hands on my hips, feet apart.

"He asked for you Kate." He murmured distracted as his eyes strayed from my face and back to Alison as she ran her finger around the rim of the mug.

Tim wasn't even paying attention to me. Another kick in the ribs, Speedle really knew how to make a girl feel wanted. I was seething now but I was barely able to keep a lid on it. Tim was going to throw away a career over a damn hussy and I was not going to stand there and watch.

So I did what any concerned partner would do, I unclipped my phone from my trousers to call his supervisor.

"I'm sure his mind will change when I tell him how you're about to compromise this case." I told him, as I began to dial Horatio's number.

Tim's hand enclosed on my wrist, firm but not strong enough to do me any damage. Just like this morning. I could smell the scent of his cologne as he leaned, his mouth next to my ear. It wasn't close enough to be personal but it was enough to make me listen.

"I can handle this." He said in a low tone, for my ears only.

"I bet you can." I remarked yanking my wrist from his grasp and pulling away so we were face to face, both standing our ground.

"I was doing this long before you decided to come back so give me some credit." He growled, his arms crossing over his chest.

I recognized it as his defensive posture; I was making him feel threatened.

Good, he damn well deserved it. He had better be glad that was the only thing I was doing right now.

"If I think you're screwing up this case I'll have you pulled off it immediately. You got that Speedle?" I warned him, jabbing my finger at his chest.

"I got it Callahan. Now I think its best you wait in the van for Alexx before you compromise the case in your own special way." He responded scornfully.

"It beats watching you fawn all over our suspect. Alexx I'll be in the van." I called out to her before snatching up my kit and striding towards the door, hearing the lingering conversation continue.

"Your girlfriend seems angry." Alison remarked in her soft spoken tones.

"She's not my girlfriend." Speedle stated before shutting the door behind him.

He was fucking lucky I was walking away right now otherwise there was a distinct possibility I would have killed him.

* * *

Café Rouge was located around the corner from the Crime Lab and had a fantastic seating arrangement out on the patio, which I was taking full advantage of. As soon as I had arrived back at the lab, Horatio had take one look at my face and decided it was time for my lunch break under the guise of Eric explaining the case to me in a relaxed atmosphere. Horatio had told me to go ahead, Eric would meet me here. In reality he was giving me a little time to calm down.

I was sitting at my table alone and thoughtful, jabbing at my chicken salad with my fork. I couldn't taste the food, I was eating for substance. The truth was I hadn't eaten since the previous day at lunch. After I'd left Tim's this morning the first thing I'd done when I'd gotten in was getting the longest shower I'd ever had in my life, scrubbing the touch and scent of Tim Speedle off my body, which was probably why you could still smell the jasmine shower gel clinging to my skin.

A shadow fell across my table; I raised my eyes to meet Eric's, only to realize that it wasn't actually Eric. It was someone far worse. Man this was not my day.

I dropped my fork onto the plate with a loud clatter before picking up the napkin and wiping my mouth with it, watching as the man in question slipped into the seat across from me.

"Long time no see Kate." Agent Jennings murmured as he shifted in the seat.

Gabe Jennings was a tall man with broad shoulders and a good suit. He'd put some of our Homicide detectives to shame with his dress sense. Everything about him screamed professional. His silver hair was the only thing that gave away his age; his slender face looked younger than the majority of people in their early fifties. His eyes were trained on me, but I knew he was constantly aware of the environment surrounding him. The FBI always were.

Jennings had been my handler after Ray had slipped up and been bumped back down to Narcotics. I knew why they'd picked Jennings and to be honest I was relieved about it. There wasn't a chance in hell me and this man were ever going to be friends. He had a cold hard exterior and a life that had been dedicated to the FBI. No ties, just the FBI.

"Let's cut to the chase Gabe, you need me for something." I was praying this wasn't about the Mob, getting arrested would just top off my bad day.

"We have something for you, something you could slip into easily."

My sigh of relief was audible and if Jennings thought it was strange he didn't seem to care.

"UC again huh? You guys never seem to quit." I remarked, leaning forward and resting my elbows on the wooden table top.

"We knew you hadn't been here long enough to get settled down, make any attachments." Jennings informed me.

"In other words you put me on standby. How do you know I haven't made a life here? Or have you been keeping tabs on me?" I spoke my thoughts out loud.

I hadn't expected this, well at least not so soon. Jennings sitting across form me was surreal. I had created a life here but it wasn't the one I wanted, not anymore. It was getting harder and harder to fit in and be normal. Maybe that's because the truth was that I wasn't. I'd done things and seen things that other people had nightmares about.

Jennings had told me before I left it was a special type of person they recruited into UC and once you were in, you were in for life. There was no going back. UC's couldn't function in normal life; they couldn't fit into society anymore. I suppose being so used to playing outside of the rules, it become hard when you had to obey them. You screw up and the FBI gives you a get out of jail free card, in real life there was no such thing.

"You know we're always watching. I'll need you ready at the latest three days." Jennings was firm and direct, as always.

To say that they were always watching was a little alarming to say the least. It meant that they knew about Tim and everyone else here at the Crime Lab. I knew it was a security measure, but it was one I hadn't taken into consideration. It also meant they knew today was a good day to approach me and that was sneaky.

"Ok. What, where and who?" I pondered, tapping out a rhythm with my fingertips on the table.

It was something I always did when I had to make a decision. Weighing the pros and cons and getting all the facts…

This could be exactly what I needed. My way out of Miami.

"We need you to work your way into gang located in Brazil, the Mala Noche. Your physical attributes should make it easy for you." Jennings leant forward as he spoke his voice dropping to a level only I could hear.

"Which usually means I'm someone's physical type." I concluded. "How deep?"

"There's a chance you won't be coming back, you disappear completely. No contact with anyone. If you run into trouble we won't be able to get you out." Jennings' eyes met mine as the clarity of the situation hit me hard.

My eyes strayed to my left hand and focused on my naked ring finger. Six years ago I'd had everything I could have ever wanted but I'd given it all up to enter into the Mob. Right now I had nothing. I didn't fit in here. I'd tried but I couldn't slide back into that life. People changed and I knew things could never be the same again. It would be easier to give up this charade and do what I was supposed to. I already had my answer. I'd had it this morning back at Tim's house, feeling sick at the fact he'd used me.

"I'll do it. Where do I report?" I said finally, tilting my head at Jennings.

"I'll pick you up after your shift today and take you to the briefing. After that we'll have you on the first plane to Brazil."

"I get off at six." I told him, looking down at my hands, feeling utterly devoid of emotion.

Jennings rose to his feet, as I slumped back in my seat looking up at him. Our eyes met green on granite before he spoke, resting his hand on the back of the chair as he pushed it underneath the table.

"I knew you'd come through Kate." He stated, in his deep throaty voice.

I shook my head, picking up my fork and focusing on the meal in front of me.

"I'm not doing this for you."

He nodded before taking off into the crowd of people that littered the sidewalk and disappearing in a way only Horatio and the FBI could. Usually I found that somewhat unnerving, but now it was a reassurance I was doing something right. I took a sip from my glass of coke wishing I had something stronger. It didn't matter there would be plenty time for that on the plane.

Brazil would be a one way mission and either way I knew I wasn't coming back.

It wasn't long before I heard the chair scrape across the concrete again and a plate clatter onto the table in front of me. I raised my gaze to meet Delko's concerned features as he dropped down into the seat across from me. I reached out and stole a fry off his plate, usually this caused banter about ordering a salad but Eric said nothing. He merely stared at me waiting.

I pursed my lips together ignoring the growing awkwardness between us, as I stabbed at a piece of lettuce with my fork, distracted.

"That was a Fed right?" he said, as he picked at his own meal, looking moody and agitated.

"Yea it was."

I kept my eyes on my plate. Eric was going to be one of the people I'd miss. Over the past few months we'd become buddies, he's become one of my closest friends here. He made me smile on the darkest days and was a constant reassurance in my battle to fit in.

"Why was he here talking to you?" Eric asked, as he squeezed tomato sauce onto his plate.

"I'm leaving soon." I said quietly.

The table vibrated, scaring the hell out of me as Eric slammed the tomato sauce bottle down on the table top. My head snapped towards him and I found myself staring into enraged hazel eyes.

"When?" he demanded.

"Jennings is picking me up after my shift, I'm leaving tonight." I told him wearily.

I hadn't planned on saying any goodbyes. Word would have got around the lab as soon as the FBI had informed Horatio I was leaving. It was cruel but it was necessary. Goodbyes had never been my forte. They were too difficult.

"And this your way of saying goodbye?" he snapped, shaking his head. "I cannot believe you Kate, you've made a life here and now you're throwing it all away for what?"

"To take down the Mala Noche, they're a Brazilian gang…" I replied.

I'm not sure why I submitted that information to him. I had to feel like I was doing the right thing, I was taking on a dangerous gang because I had to. But if I was really being honest with myself that wasn't the real reason here at all. The FBI had given me a way to escape the problems that life held for me in Miami and I was taking that chance at the risk of my own life. It was the only thing left for me anymore; I was too fucked up to be normal.

"I know who they are, and you are going to get yourself killed. They don't respect women the same way the Mob does. Girls are objects to them, a challenge to use and abuse and when they're finished they'll let you loose in the jungle as sport." Delko informed me.

I already knew about the Mala Noche, the FBI kept their eye on potential threats, so did the Mob. The Mala Noche had been moving in on America and in particular Miami for a while now, and if the FBI was putting someone in UC, the problem was bigger than I had imagined. They were ruthless, so I'd heard and I was opening myself up to a whole world of trouble, but trouble was when I worked my best, I kept a cool head and ran tight ship. I did well in high stress situations and in the face of danger I was steady as hell. I'd almost been made once in the Mob and experience I still carried the scar from it.

"I know what I'm getting into Eric, so do not patronise me by filling me in on the dangers." I retorted defensively.

Which only made Eric more determined, he decided to try another tactic.

"Ok then how about you and Speed? The two of you looked all cosy yesterday. How do you think he's going to feel about you taking off?" Eric asserted, scowling at me.

How cute he thought I was going to hurt his friend. It was too late for that.

"To be honest I couldn't give two shits about what Tim Speedle thinks of me right now. I was wrong coming back here and thinking that we could work. It's best to get as far away from here as I possibly can before something else blows up in my face." I growled, jabbing at the chicken on my plate to distract myself.

"You've really thought this through haven't you? You can't keep running your entire life Kate, things don't work that way. One day you're going to have to face the things you don't want to." Eric warned me, shoving his half eaten meal away.

Eric was preaching to the choir here, he just didn't know it and I couldn't face giving him all of the details, because I couldn't bear to re-live them. Speedle had cut me deep, but I guess that was the point.

"I did, and look what happened, I got burnt. I can't watch him flirt with other girls, it kills me, so I'm outta here." I balled up my napkin and threw it down onto my plate frustrated.

"Speed doesn't flirt, what are you talking about? You obviously don't see the way he looks at you." Eric snorted, slamming his palms down on the table for emphasis.

"Yea well him and that Alison chic seem pretty damn close. He's already offering to call her when he gets some information." I told Eric bitterly.

I was staring into the bottom of my glass at the dregs of coke, I was stirring my straw around and around so the ice cubes kinked against the glass.

"It's over Eric. Its time for me to move on." I said before draining the glass and setting it down again.

Eric slumped back defeated, his eyes fixed on the plate in front of him as he bit the inside of his mouth. The debate was over, there were no more arguments Eric could make because he knew what ever happened I was going and that was final. He had tried but it wasn't enough to make me stay. The one thing that could have changed my mind was the one thing that had pushed me all the way. I'd promised if he was in my life I wouldn't do this again, I wouldn't leave. He wasn't in my life anymore he'd seen to that this morning when we'd woken up and then back at Alison's place. We were through.

"I hope you're not making a big mistake Kate." Eric murmured, looking back at the people walking by.

I shrugged, picking up my sunglasses off the table and setting them on my head.

"I know I'm not." I told him confidently, raising my hand to gesture the waiter over.

"Good Luck then, with the Mala Noche. You're going to need it." Eric brooded.

There was silence between us both, I didn't know what to say and Eric had his lips clamped together trying to suppress the anger and betrayal he was feeling.

_Join the club. I was practically a gold card member._

I waited until the waiter had brought us over our drinks before I decided to change the subject.

"Tell me more about the case."

* * *

The lab was bristling with people, it was mid shift and the lab was busy. Yet Horatio had taken on an extra case as a favour to an ex-con, which apparently had been a good idea because thee kids had been dealing in weapons, they were planning something.

Horatio had asked me to go over the Eric's Crime Scene photographs making sure they hadn't missed anything form the blood spatter. Horatio was in interrogation with one of the 'Four Twenty Boyz' right now.

I hunched over the work bench my eyes studying the pictures intently. There was definitely a void in the blood; there were definitely three people there.

The door to the layout room clicked open, I lifted my head to find Tim lingering in the door way. I lowered my gaze again back to the photographs.

"I'll be done in here as soon as Horatio gets out of interrogation." I told him in a monotone voice.

I heard his footsteps before glanced up to see his gaze on me, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Look…can we talk?" he offered gruffly.

I tilted my head to one side, putting a hand on one hip as I turned my attention to him.

"Does it involve a case or the Crime Lab?" I asked, looking at him pointedly.

Tim sighed, resting his palms on the counter between us. Him on one side and me on the other, just like always.

"No."

"Then no we can't." I told him.

"Kate…" he began.

The sound of his cell phone cut him of, causing me to raise an eyebrow and him to look suddenly very bashful.

"That'll be Alison no doubt." I sniped before returning to Eric's Crime Scene photos.

Speedle narrowed his eyes at me before retreating from the lay out, covering the receiver with the palm of his hand.

"We'll talk later." He informed me; his expression said he meant it.

I, however was feeling rebellious, he had no hold on me anymore.

I snorted, shaking my head.

"It's a little late for that." I declared watching as he glowered at me before slamming the door to the Layout Room behind him.

* * *

Horatio's page was urgent, more urgent than the scene I was watching before me but I found myself unable to tear my gaze away. I'd been watching Speedle and Bernstein arguing ever since Bernstein had seen Speedle exiting the interrogation room looking confused and forlorn. He'd been in there alone with Alison.

And that wasn't protocol.

Their voices were drifting down the corridor towards me as I stood there, shaking my head and narrowing my eyes.

"You were interrogating our witness without me, that isn't procedure Speedle" Bernstein's voice was rising as he jabbed his finger at Tim's chest.

Tim at least had the decency to look slightly ashamed of himself. His head was bowed, his hands in his pockets, his expression subdued.

"I just had a few questions for her…"

I'd never seen Bernstein look so mad; he was using his interrogation face, the one that made suspects break down in tears. At least he had Tim's back, but I knew if Bernstein thought Tim was slipping he'd bail. The reputation of a dirty cop spread like wildfire around here. I'd already heard the rumblings about John Hagen and I was hoping Tim wouldn't end up subjected to the same treatment because he fell for a two bit whore.

"You interview her again and I better be here." Bernstein growled, his face alive with fury.

"Yea yea, you will be." Speedle shot back.

His tone was dismissive; his gaze was already back on Alison following her movement as she stalked around the interrogation room.

I'd had enough, he could be as mad at me as he wanted to be. It didn't matter I was leaving in a few hours time, but I was not going to watch him disgrace himself like this, not today at least. Call it a parting gift, I reasoned. I'd feel awful tattling on him but if it got Alison's claws out of his skin I was willing to do it.

My phone was ringing again. I snatched it up and held it against my ear.

"Callahan."

"Kate, it's Horatio, what's the hold up?" he asked in his soft spoken manner.

I turned away, from Speedle and Alison and started towards the parking garage sensing the anxiety in his voice.

"I'm on my way." I tried to pacify, my heels clicking as I broke into a jog.

"Kate, have you got your gun?" Horatio asked.

The question threw me; my eyes fell on my leather holster attached to my pants.

"Yes."

"Good because you're gonna need it."

* * *

The Hummer was racing through the streets at high speed, sheets of rain pelted down upon the windshield as we approached the huge red brick school building. Dark clouds were billowing over head, a storm was coming. My eyes were fastened on my watch, counting down the minutes it took to get to the high school.

_16.16 p.m._

"After this we need to talk." I said to Horatio, hanging onto the handle above the passenger side door as he took the corner.

"Speed knows what he's doing Kate."

My jaw actually dropped as I twisted my head towards him stunned and speechless.

"What kind of supervisor would I be if I didn't know what was going on with my own employees." He reminded me with a small smile as I gaped at him.

"I hope your right, for his sake." I returned my gaze to the windshield seeing the school coming up on the left hand side.

"You ready?" Horatio asked.

"Always." I returned.

Horatio slammed his foot down on the breaks whilst jerking the wheel to the left, the Hummer swerved across the road, tires screeching as it ground to a halt in front of the step leading up to the school. The sound of sirens echoed in the distance, SWAT was on their way, they'd never make it for the deadline. I checked my watch.

_16.19 p.m _

My gun was already in my hands, and I was snapping back the safety with precision and ease. I stood to the side, watching Horatio who was deep in conversation with the Principal. His eyes were focused on the 9 mm clutched tightly in my hand. He spoke, gesturing wildly with his hands.

"We don't want to cause a panic."

A gun shot echoed through the air, followed by screams and the shrill shrieking of the fire alarm. It was meant to distort and disorientate. I had to hand it to him; Jeff Wilson had done his homework.

"Kate, take the stairs." Horatio yelled, pointing at the stairwell.

I was on it in seconds, rushing up the stairs two at a time until I got to the top, greeted by mass chaos. Teenagers of all ages were running in different directions, gun shots erupted throughout the corridor, further down. It was time to get people out, right now.

I held up my badge, trying to create some calm.

"MDPD I need everyone out to the nearest fire exit right now!" I yelled.

I was pointing and ushering people towards the stairs, so they could get out of the main exit. The safest route away from Jeff. A young girl tripped amongst the scrambling school kids.

"Your ok, run straight down and out the doors." I urged her, whilst grabbing her arm and hauling her to her feet. I put a hand on her back pushing her in the direction of the stairs.

I heard the gunshot, second before I felt the pain. My side was suddenly on fire, I choked mid breath, a gasp escaping my lips. My gun fell from between my fingers at the abrupt impact, clattering across the floor away from me. My hand went immediately to my left side, dabbing at the wound gingerly and revealing blood soaking through my shirt. The bullet had grazed my skin, it had been close, so damn close and it hurt like fuck but it was time to face the threat.

I had to protect these kids.

I spun around; my eyes falling on Jeff Wilson clad the long black trench coat. The corridor was empty now; it was just me and him. There was a discarded rifle on the tiles next to him. The hand gun was trained directly on me. At this range there wasn't a chance this kid could miss and yet I was still stepping forward. My resolve steely as I tread towards him. Jeff Wilson was just a kid, but a kid who felt betrayed by his family and the system.

It occurred to me there was a very real possibility I could die here today.

Jeff's eyes met mine; he was sweating heavily a sure sign of nerves. There was a chance this was all going to be ok.

"Put the gun down Jeff, It's time to talk. Don't make this worse," I was surprised by how firm my voice actually sounded.

My survival instincts were already taking over. My mind was working ahead, gauging chances, options and actions that I could take. I couldn't reach my gun that was out of the question. My side was in agony, and I could feel my shirt sticking against the wound.

"You have no idea what I've done." He said, his eyes wide.

"That's not true, I know about Mark in the cemetery. You can stop this right now." I told him stern.

A smirk crossed Jeff's boyish features, it suddenly occurred to me I'd made a mistake, I'd underestimated him.

"Your right, I can."

Jeff Wilson looked me straight in the eyes as he squeezed the trigger and I stared right back.

Death had never been so welcomed.

So I waited.

But nothing came except a quiet dull click, one that I recognized far too well from over the past two days. A misfire.

The little bastard's gun had jammed. Even God had forsaken me.

Today was so not my day.

Jeff's hand was already on the weapon, yanking back the barrel as I reacted on pure instincts. I didn't matter anymore, but those kids did.

I lunged straight at him. Our bodies collided, Jeff toppled backwards at the unexpected extra weight, his wet shoe slipping across the tiles. I choked in pain, my body going rigid as we went down; I was on top of Jeff. Both of us were scrambling for the gun, despite the fact Jeff was clearly otherwise armed. I could feel the barrel of another gun digging into my ribs.

I shoved his arms upwards driving the gun above his head as I ploughed my knee into his stomach. The gun scattered out of Jeff's reach as his body jerked, winded. I grabbed for it, experience making me fast despite the immense throbbing sensation in my side. The gun was in my hand prepped and loaded and I was holding it right in front of Jeff's face, panting out of exertion and pain.

"You stupid, stupid boy." I growled, leaning back to straddle his legs.

Jeff's hands were above his head now as he lay there on the ground. I was trying to catch my breath as I took my time methodically disarming him gun by gun.

"I could have killed you." He muttered, as I pat him down with one hand.

I could hear footsteps on the tiles behind me in the distance moving closer and closer. There was more than one, which meant SWAT had just arrived.

"Apparently it's not my time just yet." I dispensed, feeling exhaustion wrack my body.

"Kate, are we clear?" Horatio's soothing voice called out to me as I moved my right hand across my body to put pressure on my bleeding side.

"He's all yours." I stated.

It was difficult for me to rise to my feet. The adrenaline was leaving my body and I could feel myself beginning to go into shock at the damage done to my body. SWAT was moving in from all sides now. Swaying I took a step back, before flicking the safety on Jeff's gun and letting it clatter to the ground.

My legs already moving on their own accord, my mind completely stunned by the turn of events as I strode past the Kevlar clad SWAT team. Horatio was calling out my name but it wouldn't penetrate through to my brain, I didn't want to face him. I was scared of what he'd see in my face.

The rain was still pouring down, drenching everything in its path. I stepped into it willingly, feeling its cool relief as it washed over my skin. My hair was already plastered to my head and my clothes were clinging to my body like a second skin.

I pulled my hand away from the bleeding flesh wound, watching as the blood diluted and ran in streaks from my fingertips. I was beginning to tremble now, the evidence in my shaking hand as the rain stripped away the trauma leaving only a realization I couldn't hide away from, one I didn't want to face.

I tilted my head up, letting the fresh water wash away the pain and the fear, and all the bits in between. It filled me with the numbness I needed to survive, I didn't feel alive anymore. I felt empty.

When all was said and done, my shoulders slumped in defeat and I began to wobble from the chill of the air and the trauma my body was under, Horatio was right there, wrapping a blanket from the ambulance around my despondent frame. He guided me with gentle hands me towards the open passenger side of the Hummer.

Tripp was standing there, holding the door open as Horatio seated me half in and out of the car. My hands wouldn't stop quivering as I tried to brush the wet hair from my vision unsuccessfully. Tripp was already off in search of a paramedic leaving me alone with Horatio, as he reached out and pushed the hair back from my face before taking my freezing hands in his, rubbing them together to warm them up.

"You'll be ok Kate." I turned away feeling Horatio's vivid blue eyes on my face

Nothing was going to be ok, because I knew when I looked that kid straight in the eyes as he pulled that trigger, I'd wanted to die.

* * *

The Trace Lab was quiet, it was near the end of the shift and everyone had left early in preparation for the weekend ahead. Speedle was seated on a stool filling out his report on the Chuck Latham case. He wanted to be rid of this case and all the trouble it had caused in the course of the day. To be signing off on the final page was a welcome relief.

The day had been long and emotionally draining, from this morning's hangover to the aftermath of the case. Alison had been playing him, from the moment he'd stepped into that condo and he'd known it. In fact he'd used it against her in order to get a confession, and at the end of the day, he was happy with that result. The world did not need pampered princesses like that, especially ones with homicidal tendencies.

Yet there were several things that were plaguing him. Kate and her reaction to the case. She'd followed through with her threat and gone to Horatio to get him taken off the case. It had taken a lot of explaining to make Horatio understand he was playing Alison at her own game and that Kate just hadn't realized that. More to the point Speedle hadn't told her. He knew Kate was unhappy, he'd contributed to her shitty day in generous proportions, but he was hoping to make it up to her later on tonight.

It had been Alexx who had approached him over his current state of affaires, cajoling him over lunch until he broke down and told her what had transpired between him and Kate. Alexx was a sympathetic listener, she was the mother figure he'd lost all those years ago when he'd run away from home. So when she gave him advice, he listened and mulled it over. She was right of course why deny the thing that was right in front of his eyes. He'd spent so damn long fighting, he couldn't let down his defences, but it was time to Alexx reasoned.

He'd been alone for a long time, and he deserved to be happy and Alexx pointed out Kate made him happy. Life was too short, and they'd seen too many things not to take another chance.

The door to the Trace Lab was thrown open crashing against the wall making Speedle's head twist in shock towards the person hurrying in.

Delko halted right in front of the work desk, leaning over it, eyes intent on Speedle.

"I don't care what you did but I need you to fix it right now." Delko told him, his voice low and threatening.

Speedle squinted at the other man, before raising his eyebrows unnerved.

"You're gonna have to back up a little." Speedle gestured with his hand as he spoke, his eyebrows knotted together confused and concerned.

"Whatever happened between you and Kate. You need to fix it." Eric persisted.

Speedle looked away for a second, trying to piece together the cause of Eric's clear agitation. Kate had obviously talked to Eric at some point today, and from Eric's behaviour it appeared that he'd missed something crucial in the past few hours.

"Not that it's any of your business but I intent to make it right, after this shift." Speedle informed Delko, studying the younger man's posture.

Eric was concerned and in turn that made Speedle uneasy. Eric and Kate were buddies, so in turn it would be reasonable to consider she'd tell him things.

"You need to find her now, the Fed is here and he's taking her to Brazil as soon as she gets off." Eric erupted at Speedle.

"What?" his heart was racing in his chest now, he knew where this was leading but she'd promised him…

He'd also broken her heart this morning. He'd seen it masked underneath her anger as she was leaving.

"The Feds want her to go UC in the Mala Noche, do you know what they do to girls like Kate there?! She goes and she's coming back in pieces." Eric was ranting in borderline hysterics.

"Where is she?" Speed was on his feet closing the brown file on his work bench, his jaw clenched tightly.

"The locker room, she's in the locker room. Just…don't let her go Speed." Eric pleaded, as Speed slipped past the other man and stalking with determination in the direction of the shared locker room.

* * *

The locker room was cold and dark; the artificial light cast a sickly glow on Kate's skin as she stood in front of her open locker. Her hair was damp and hanging in strands across her bare shoulders as she peeled her wet black shirt off her clammy skin. He moved to take step back to give her some privacy but only succeeded in accidentally bumping into the metal trash can next to the door. A loud thud echoed through the room causing Kate to tilt her face towards him as she yanked a clean white shirt up over her black lace bra.

"I'm sorry, I'll turn around." Tim said, rubbing his hand along the back of his head.

Kate lowered her head to focus on the buttons she was attempting to fasten them.

"You've seen it all before anyway." She muttered, pulling her wet hair out of the shirt. "How's your girlfriend Alison doing? I think lock up's going to be a bitch for her."

Kate was being unfair, and Speedle guessed on some level he probably deserved it, but he'd had a shitty day too, and it was only going to get worse. She was leaving him, she'd lied and broken her promise and that cut him far worse than anything else she'd done since she'd come back because he had been ready for her.

"She's not my girlfriend and I don't appreciate you telling Horatio I can't do my job. I know when I'm being used and I knew that girl was playing me." Tim snapped back.

The anger was filling him up now making him bitter and volatile; he'd had enough of this bull shit.

Kate was brushing out the tangles in her wet hair with a brush. She shoved it in her locker before turning to face him.

"It was obvious to me that you had a conflict of interest and I thought H needed to know that maybe you weren't someone to trust on this case. And it's shocking to hear that you know what it's like to be used. Because you're pretty good at using people yourself. I guess you two should be a match made in heaven." Kate retorted, bundling up her old shirt and throwing it at the bench.

Her words were cruel and he didn't deserve them. He hadn't been using her that was never his intention. They'd ended up in bed together because that's what they had both wanted. His rationalisation didn't stop his temper flaring, she just kept pushing him.

"Yea because you've never had a conflict of interest at all, does H know your were screwing his brother? I knew the second you mentioned his name when you got back and I can see it in your eyes now, your no better then Alison." Speedle spat.

The expression on Kate's face told him he'd hit the nail on the head, and he felt a surge of discomfort at the fact he'd let his mouth run away with him. It was when they were looking over the beach that he'd realized something had happened there. Kate hadn't been telling all and he never pushed it because he didn't care. It was none of his business, but now he was using it a weapon against her because she was hurting him all over again and he deserved to have his say.

"You know what? Fuck you Speedle. You don't know what you're talking about. You have no idea what happened to me when I was UC. There's a big difference between Alison and I. I threw him out when I found out he was married, that would have turned her on more." Kate snarled.

Underneath all that fury, he knew he'd just hurt her all over again, but it didn't matter because he was determined to get the last word in this fight. He was hurting her like she was about to hurt him, and the worst part was that she wasn't even going to say goodbye.

"The only difference between you and Alison was the fact that she killed her lover and maybe I'd have more of an idea if you'd bothered to tell me." He shot back; resentment twinged his voice as Kate slammed her locker shut and turned her full body to face him.

"Why would I tell you anything about what I've been through? Just looking for more shit to throw in my face? More information to help you prey on my weaknesses and to use me with?" Kate's arms were wrapped around herself now.

"I didn't use you Kate, we used each other, you liked it right? Being with me again. I bet it turned you on knowing that you could just walk away again."

Speedle couldn't stop himself, he was infuriated by her, she drove him crazy. She was the only person who could incense him this much and he hated that, he hated her for doing this to him.

"You don't remember a damn thing do you? I promised you I wouldn't leave if you were in my life. You made it obvious to me this morning that it was nothing more than a one night stand, and your actions today proved that fact. Don't worry, Speedle, I won't be in your hair much longer. Just know this time? This time I didn't walk away, you pushed me away." Her voice broke towards the end, and although her face was contorted in rage he knew that she was hurting.

He wondered how it had come to this, he'd come in here to stop her, he'd been ready to pour his heart out, but she'd put him on the defensive and now all the little things that had been building up had rose to the surface and were out in open, and it stung. She had to know the consequences of her actions. The full weight of them. She thought she was leaving behind nothing but that wasn't true she would break his heart all over again.

"So you're going then, your going to Brazil? To fraternize with a guy who uses women like you and then leaves them in the jungle to die? I don't know why I even bothered coming in here to stop you. You're hell bent on getting your self killed but you're just too much of a coward to do it yourself."

He'd taken one look at her face and he knew. The only reason she was going to Brazil was because she wouldn't be coming back. She'd been depressed lately, and this latest rejection had pushed her over the edge, he could feel it. It was in her motions and movements and above all her expression, and it tore him up inside. This was his fault.

"I would think that me being gone would make you happy. I can't do this Tim. I can't keep fighting you and I obviously can't handle seeing you with someone else. At least if I die this time, I'll know that I don't have anything to leave behind. Last time, it's what kept me alive. Just the idea that I could see you again and things might work out okay. Obviously that was just a little girl's silly dream."

Her voice was quiet now, they weren't shouting anymore. Her hand was resting on her side as if she was in pain. Tim found himself exhaling deeply before he took the first step.

"You know, I nearly died the other day and the last thought in my head was you, and it's always been you, I can't play these games anymore Kate. Us both caring and pretending we don't. I want you to stay. Don't go to Brazil... stay here with me." He implored.

Tim Speedle was putting all of his cards on the table for the first time in a long time, and apparently it wasn't what Kate Callahan had expected. He wasn't one for begging but if he had to, he would get on his knees and do it if it made her stay.

"You never called me. You acted that way with Alison and then now this? Now you want me to stay? I feel like you are pulling me ten different ways and I don't know what to believe or what to trust."

Her eyes spoke volumes, he saw the conflict, the pain, the fear, and beyond all of that he saw her soul. It was so damaged and broken, but it was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He wanted to help her repair it, he wanted to see Kate shine again, the way she had all those years ago.

He found himself standing right in front of her. His hands settled on her shoulder before sliding down to her arms. His thumbs rubbed gently through her shirt as her body relaxed under his touch, from the look on her face it was a completely involuntary action.

"Believe me, trust me... stay for me." He said softly.

His eyes were on her face, taking in every single detail of her exquisite features. He brushed a stray strand of moist hair back, tucking it behind her ear, as she closed her eyes exhaling deeply. He swallowed hard before opening his mouth and telling her the only words he had left to say.

"I never stopped loving you."

Kate's eyes were glistening as she reached for him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, as her lips captured his. Her kiss was slow and chaste. She winced as he wrapped his arms around her, she pulled away slightly, her hands on his biceps, her cheek pressed against his.

"I'll stay." She whispered. "I love you too damn much to leave if you want to give us a chance, but I can't handle another incident like this morning Tim."

"You won't have to." He promised, before his lips sought out hers, drawing her into a tender, heartfelt kiss.

His hands slid down to her waist. Her shirt was wet to touch under his left hand. Tim drew back, his eyes falling onto his hand as he turned his palm skyward. It was red and sticky. Tim frowned as his gaze fell onto the growing blood patch on Kate's white shirt.

"Your bleeding." He murmured as Kate looked down at her shirt, her eyes fixing on the blood.

"I got grazed by a bullet; it's not stopped bleeding yet." Kate told him, shaking her head.

"Let me see." He said quietly, his fingers already on the hem of her shirt.

"A kid decided to do his own Columbine; I got caught up evacuating the school. It would have been a different story if his gun hadn't jammed." Kate volunteered the information.

Tim lifted up her shirt gently, his fingers brushing her skin lightly as he scrutinized the angry raw wound defacing her smooth flesh. Kate flinched as he prodded the sensitive skin around it.

"Sorry." Tim muttered already opening his locker and taking out the green medical kit before dropping to his knees in front of Kate to get a better look at it.

"I'm just thankful his gun did jam." Tim told her as he tore open the packet for the antiseptic wipes.

"This is going to sting." He warned before cleaning up the blood surrounding the wound and then the wound itself as Kate held up her shirt.

"It's been a while since you had to clean me up." Kate remarked with a smile as Tim took out a cotton pad and pressed it to the graze.

Tim found himself smirking at the memory.

"The time you accidentally dropped that wine glass when you were drunk. You got the glass in your foot and I had to clean it and take you to the E.R." he reminded her.

"Not my finest moment." She admitted as Tim used surgical tape to fix the gauze to her skin.

She was a better patient now than she used to be.

"Neither was you wailing about it in A&E at the nurse." Tim pointed out as he rose to his feet.

"Hey, at least I wasn't cursing at her." Kate pouted as Tim closed the medikit and placed it on the top shelf of his locker, before shutting the door and turning back to her.

"No you reserved that for me when I was using iodine to clean it in the first place." Tim teased, his hands resting on Kate's hips as he stepped closer to her, just enjoying the ability to actually do that without repercussions.

"I wasn't that bad." Kate said, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Tim relaxed into her hold, looping his arms around her, clasping her tightly against his body, inhaling her scent and revelling the sensations of her.

"I missed this." Kate whispered into his shoulder.

Tim sighed blissfully, his fingers trailing through her hair as if she was the most delicate thing in the world. To him she was. Under that tough exterior was a beautiful fragile creature.

"Let me take you home." He mumbled into her hair.

The two of them broke apart reluctantly as Kate nodded her agreement.

"There's just one more thing I need to do." Kate promised, grabbing up her leather jacket off the bench and slipping it over her shoulders, cringing at the pain from her side.

"I need to put my files away. I'll meet you in the lobby." Tim said, unable to keep the small smile from creeping across his features as he looked at her.

"I will see you there then." Kate winked at him from the doorway before disappearing through it.

* * *

Jennings was standing there in the reception area, wearing a dark brown trench coat and holding a dripping umbrella. He looked pristine as usual, his stone coloured eyes focused on something through the glass in the lab's. His whole attention was focused on it. I frowned, twisting my head towards the glass walls to see what had caught his eye.

Eric was standing there, leaning against the table in the lay out room. His eyes firmly fixed on Jennings, his jaw clenched as he glared at the agent. His eyes shifted to me as I strode towards Jennings, he pursed his lips together before turning away looking pained.

Well Eric's day was about to get better.

Jennings turned his head towards me, arms folded over his chest.

"You ready to go?" he asked gruffly.

I bit my lip and looked down at my shirt; the blood stain was slightly visible. I fiddled with the zipper at the bottom of my leather jacket, drawing it up to the curve of my breasts to hide it.

"Actually Gabe, I'm not going. You're going to have to do your own dirty work from now on." I spoke quietly.

Jennings turned his whole body towards me, his granite eyes falling on me, his gaze hard and steely.

"Excuse me?" it was more of a command than a request to repeat.

"You heard me Gabe. The FBI's going to have to find a new little go to girl from now on." I informed him, my face expressionless.

Jennings was leaning forward now, his large frame hunched so that he was inches from my face.

"You can't do this Kate, we own you." Jennings seethed through grinding teeth, his fingers gripping my arm tightly.

"You've got nothing on me Gabe. I'm not like Ray, you don't own me." I wrenched my arm from his grasp.

Jennings face turned cold, his thin lips clamped tightly together, his eyes burning with fury as I raised an eyebrow.

"I had my suspicions, but the look in your eyes just clarified it." I grimaced in pain, resting my hand on my side.

"Things don't add up Kate, things that you told us. How could you go a whole six years without giving us Jose Morelli and Reggie Russo, Sully Genovese's right hand men?" Jennings leaned in close now, keeping the conversation private.

"I told you Sully kept me well away, he didn't want me near those two men's business." I returned, meeting Jennings' challenge, hands on my hips. "If you had anything on me Jennings, I'd be on that plane already."

Jennings' nostrils flared as his eyes narrowed on something behind me.

"Your making a mistake Kate, you think he can understand you?"

I followed his gaze to see Tim standing next to the elevators, tilting his head up towards the ceiling before turning his attention to us, his eyebrows rising.

"He can't love you, not after the things you've done and you can't ask him to. Spare yourself and him the heartache and come with me." Jennings murmured as we stood apart, eyes on Tim as he studied his keys.

Jennings was right of course, to expect something like that was unfair. I couldn't put that on Tim's shoulders…

Time to make a choice.

Spare Tim or take a chance.

It was never that simple.

I swallowed hard before raising my head to Jennings.

"Screw you." I hissed. "You've had six years of my life; let him have the rest of it."

"You know I'm right Kate, this life isn't for you. You're beyond this life, worth so much more…" Jennings drawled.

"Worth more? You're wanting to send me to a place we both know I won't make it out of. You would be sending me to my death." I paused; making sure Jennings saw the venom in my gaze. "You took me away from him once; I won't let you do it again. I'm through with the FBI Jennings, don't contact me again." I growled before turning my back on Jennings, and striding towards Tim.

He raised his eyes to meet mine as I exhaled deeply.

"You ok?" he murmured, analysing my features for signs of conflict.

I hit the button for the lift, Jennings' words haunted me, I found I couldn't speak. The words were choked in my throat rendering me speechless. Tim's hand caught hold of mine, our fingers entwining as the tension in my body began to subside.

Resting my head against Tim's shoulder, I knew I'd made the right decision. His lips brushed my forehead, a butterfly kiss. A source of comfort, a show of love. He was my everything, my whole world in one man.

"Thank you." He whispered.

* * *

My main bathroom had a large modern walk in shower. It was my safe haven at the moment; I was basking in the water as it rained down on my body. I tipped my head back rinsing the final dregs of shampoo from my hair and letting out a deep sigh. I was beginning to feel human again and that was a good thing.

There was a rush of cold air as I heard the shower door click open. Tim was stepping inside, an appreciative look in his eyes as he studied my naked body before stepping under the jet stream. His hands rested on my hips as his mouth claimed mine, the water pouring down on our barely touching bodies.

Tim drew back reaching over my head for the shower gel, his body sliding against mine, sending a thrill through me. My hands roamed over his chest, my lips fastening on the bruise right above his heart. Tim let out a gasp as my fingers teased up his back; my body pressed up against his. I could feel Tim's erection stirring against my stomach as I stood on tip toes, my lips tracing along his collar bone as I rubbed my slick wetness against his cock. Tim shuddered before withdrawing. He gave me mischievous smile, pouring the shower gel onto his hands before setting the bottle back on the shelf.

"Turn around." He murmured.

I raised an eyebrow before obeying. Tim's hands were on my shoulders, his fingers moving in tight circles to massage the muscles at the back of my neck. His hands moved across my shoulders, seeking out the tension and dispelling it. He worked lower caressing the soft skin beneath his fingertips, playing along the bottom of my back. He paused, only for a second before tracing the thin jagged white scar that sliced diagonally across the left side my back.

I put my hands against the tiles on the wall and bent my head forward, pressing it to the cool tiles as his skilled hands worked their magic, easing the trauma I'd experienced.

"How did you get it?" his lips were next to my ear.

I closed my eyes, and exhaled slowly.

"A guy made me when I was undercover; he wanted to teach me a lesson. The knife nicked a kidney; I was in hospital for a while." I shared softly.

"Did you…" he asked gruffly, he couldn't get the words out.

"No…I don't know what happened I wasn't conscious." I recounted, "I woke up, still alive, still part of the Mob. I remember pieces but nothing I can grasp."

Tim's lips were pressed against my skin as he spoke.

"I'm sorry Kate; I wish I could give you the last six years of your life back."

I lifted my head off the tiles, before turning to face him, my hair in tendrils around my face.

"You're here right now, and that's all that matters. You make the memories disappear for a while." I told him with small smile.

I could see the troubled expression on his face, the helplessness in his eyes. I leaned forward on tiptoes, my hands resting on his shoulders as I kissed him, feeling suddenly hesitant and shy for revealing another part of myself he knew nothing about.

Tim's hand caressed the side of my face gently, as his lips moved tenderly from my mouth to my throat. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation. His thumb traced my lips lightly before his mouth returned to mine, chaste and loving.

His hand slid down to my thigh guiding it up to his hip and grasping it in place as he rubbed the tip of himself along my moist opening. I quivered against him, my arms wrapped around his waist drawing him closer.

"I've got you Kate." Tim whispered against my lips, bracing himself on the wall behind me as he eased himself inside me deft and slow.

My body trembled as he buried himself deep inside me; his eyes lingered on my face as he began to move in long, deliberate thrusts. My body yielded to him and I could hear nothing but my own shallow panting as my skin flushed under his touch. My hands mingled in his dense hair, clutching him to me as I felt the first wave pleasure erupt in my body.

I whimpered, my body bucking against him. Tim thrust harder into me, still maintaining the slow and steady pace making the impending orgasm more drawn out. My senses were alight, there was nothing but this feeling, and I became lost in him. The orgasm hit me hard, I cried out Tim's name, my body arching against him. He held me in place as I contracted around him, whole body trembling at the frenzy of pleasure erupting inside me.

Tim called out my name as his fingers tightened on my thigh, shuddering as he came deep inside me. His head rested on my shoulder as I clung to him, my knees weak at the intensity of the orgasm that had tore through my body.

"I don't think I can stand." I sniggered.

Tim's arms looped around my waist, keeping me on my feet as he drew out of me. He was grinning as his eyes searched my face.

"You look happy." He informed me, one hand turning off the running water from the shower head, while the other one held me to him.

"I am happy." I replied drowsily, snuggled against his warm skin.

Tim cradled me like I was precious as he yanked back the shower door and guided me into the cool bathroom, wrapping a towel around my shoulders and helping to dry me. I decided to let him take care of me. All those years of being on my own had worn me down and to feel so loved and cared for was a shock to the system, but I went with it, because I knew that I wasn't alone anymore, I had someone to rely on.

Tim was with me every step of the way, never letting me out of his sight even as I tugged on my pyjama bottoms and mismatched blue top. He pulled back the covers of my bed for me to crawl under before he climbed in himself, clad only in black boxer shorts as he curled around me. His chest was pressed against my back, his arms holding me, reassuring and secure. I could feel his head resting on my shoulder as we lay there in the dark, just listening to the sound each other's breath and enjoying the sense of contentment in our hearts.

* * *

_**Writing this chapter was one very wild ride and I wouldn't have got through it without the wonderful Miss Montana,- thank you for your inspiration and the ideas we shared .I don't know what I'd do without you.**_

_**Also thank you readers and reviewers, this story wouldn't be here without you, stay tuned because there's a lot more in store.**_

_Cheymon: Thank you for your kind words, as it continues you learn more about Kate's past and the effects it has. I hope you keep reading._

_Maddy: lmao, I decided to try my hand a little more at smut and this is what came out. I'm glad you like it; it was the biggest pain in the ass to work on. As I said keep the name. I will read your original story, but RL hit me a little harder since we last spoke, I'll email you about it lol. Lol Carmen doesn't want to play ball at the min. I have half of 102 written so I may push on with that later on today._

_Blue: lol I have had a crap week so I could do with some ice cream too, I'm sorry I'm greedy lol. Lol that sex scene almost killed me it was really hard to figure out the dynamics and of course it changed from what I originally had planned. Lol Drunken sex with Tim Speedle is highly recommended. Lol it was never gonna be just sex between these two._

_Lapland: thankies for still reading lol I thought I'd lost you back there. I try and include some of their history through out some of the chapters, and I had to get that Ray thing in, he was a naughty man lol, but he isn't the only person who screwed Kate over, I feel sorry for poor H taking over all of Ray's messes. Lol in truth I didn't really venture too ,much into smut until What If's and as soon as I broke that threshold it got easy to write._

_Eva: apparently you are not the only on in search of a cold shower. Lmao I'm glad you love Miami and he is hot as hell makes me get hot flushes lol. I have a thing for guys with attitude and he just makes me laugh with his sarcastic comments. Seriously though thanks for the review and I'm glad you love this story. It's in the actual ep, Calleigh gets dosed, I just used it to have Kate open up a little. I won't forget Carmen; she's just playing a little hard ball at the min. I have half of the next chapter written already, it's just hard to push it further because there's so much happening in it. Lol so long as you don't get a blow up Tim Speedle your fine lol._

_Mauveine: You make me blush with your review every time, and thanks for betaing, your suggestions came in handy. Hey the heart thing was your idea so I can't take all the credit. Lmao was better than the "Mac moment". I'm lad you love the pairing, they are becoming my fav couple at the min. I can't wait to move onto the good stuff, series two is just gonna be a blast to write. I'm watching some of the eps and slipping Kate in already. I hate Rayas, he was just slimy and I wanted to show Tripp getting a little protective of Kate. The bar scene came out of nowhere on the second go. I was bulking it out and was like wtf! When I finished because it turned into something a lot more than it started out as. Alcohol way lowered their defences lol, I was surprised they managed to make it out of there to be honest. The sex killed me at pointed because I had all these ideas and no starting point, but it managed to fix itself. Lol I'll need your help with a song for the next chapter._

_BEG: lol one of my fav eps too. I'm glad you loved this chapter. It was the one I had to keep working on, because it was persistent as hell. The sex scene was hard, but the chars figured out what they were doing in the end. Lol I don't mind if it's short and you know he's right. Kisses out to you lovely girl._


	11. Chapter 11: Getting To Know You Again

Chapter Eleven: Getting To Know You...Again

_To fall so deep into you_

_Lose myself completely_

_In your sweet embrace_

_All my pain's erased_

_And your mouth, it's all that I wish_

_Mercy of your lips, just one kiss_

_Until I can breathe again_

_Until I can sing again_

_Sarah Mclachlan – Train Wreck_

Sunlight was streaming through the open window on my side of the bed glaring right in my face. I rolled over onto my opposite side, reaching out for Tim's warm body. My hand fell on cold empty space. My eyes flickered open disorientated and confused seeing the cream duvet pulled back on his side and no sign of him at all. I frowned, my heart thudding in my chest as I sat up, my eyes studying the floor searching for any sign of his clothes and finding nothing. There was no trace that he had even spent the night here. My chest constricted as I ran my hand through my tangled hair, drawing my knees up to my chest suddenly feeling very much alone.

He'd done it again, he'd left me.

I couldn't function, my mind was groggy and I was still stunned from the fact my bed was empty. His words from last night were echoing in my head and I was struggling to comprehend that I was by myself again. I was trying to find reasons where there were none. There was no evidence to suggest a call out.

I put my head in my hands, trying to get a grasp on the situation and reign in my emotions. I couldn't even feel angry because I still felt drained from the events of yesterday, the nagging pain in my side, a constant reminder that it hadn't been some surreal dream.

I let out a deep sigh, rubbing my hands over my face wondering if it was too late to call Jennings and tell him I'd changed my mind again.

I reached for my phone to check for messages and discovered it missing from my bedside, despite the fact I knew I'd put it right there last night before I'd gotten in the shower. I groaned out loud putting a hand to my forehead suspecting Speedle had probably snatched up my cell instead of his. Fantastic, even if I wanted to avoid him I couldn't.

I yanked back the sheets, a dark mood already setting in. Today was starting almost the same as yesterday, the only difference being that Horatio had given me the day off for a little recovery time after being grazed by Jeff Wilson's bullet. I didn't appreciate being used and lied to for the second time in as many days. All of this was just adding to my urge to drink, I glanced at the clock, and it was only five past ten in the morning. There was something incredibly wrong with my life.

I climbed out of the bed, picking up a hair tie off the night stand and pulled my hair back into a loose bun as I strode towards the open bedroom door. I was absolutely positive that the scowl I was wearing right now was going to become a permanent fixture on my face.

When I got hold of Speedle…

I was already on the stairs when I heard it; a clatter coming from the kitchen, followed by the scrap of a chair across laminate and then a dull thud. A chill ran up my spine and my pulse began to race, I tiptoed the rest of the way down, my hand slipping across the coffee table and snatching up my gun. Flattening my back against the wall, I took my time flicking the safety off and listening to the footsteps tread upon the laminate before risking a peek around the archway, 9 mm clasped in both hands, pointed at the ground.

Whoever it was wasn't in my field of vision and I was not going to take a chance. I was already pissed that Speedle had left without so much as a word, and now I was being broken into. I didn't think it was too coincidental that the day after I'd rejected the FBI's offer of going UC that my house was apparently being invaded. The bastards had probably handed my address over to Capo themselves. Knowing my luck the kitchen was filled with wise guys wielding semi automatics, yet from the sound of it I could tell there was only one.

Professional killer…I mused.

Capo was different from his father, I had no idea how he worked. All I knew was that he hated me enough to want a little revenge and I'd be damned if he was gonna get it today.

I took a deep breath to try and calm my heart thudding in panic against my rib cage, before I swung into the archway gun intent on the single figure yelling "Freeze" at the top of my voice.

The sound of a plate smashing on the beech coloured laminate was the first thing that alerted me to the fact I may have just made a terrible mistake. I stared at the dishevelled man in front of me, gun still trained on him as he span around to face me, his expression un-amused.

I was speechless at the sight of Tim standing there in front of me, hands above his head in surrender; behind him on the work surface were what looked like the beginnings of breakfast. I cringed, my hand going to my mouth as I lowered the weapon and Tim lowered his arms.

"Shit I am so sorry Tim." I rambled before hastily shutting my mouth, a deep flush spreading across my cheeks.

"If you wanted to play cops and robbers I would have gladly accepted, just with the cuffs as opposed to the gun." Tim retorted, before taking a deep breath, probably to steady his nerves.

He crouched down and began to pick up the ceramic pieces of the plate he'd dropped off of the floor, collecting the larger pieces in his hand carefully. I just stood there frozen in the archway, unable to figure out what I should be doing to rectify the situation. I cleared my throat trying to speak but it was a struggle.

"I'm sorry… I just thought…" I couldn't make the words leave my mouth.

Tim's dark eyes rose to meet mine, tentative and understanding as I clicked the safety back on the gun and set it down on the dining table so I could get the dustpan and brush out of the cupboard under the sink in order to help.

"I'm here to stay Kate." He stated, shaking his head as I clamped my lips together, feeling utterly ashamed.

I swallowed hard, taking out the dust pan and brush and beginning to sweep up the tiny shards of the plate, refusing to look at Tim's face as I spoke.

"I'm still a little paranoid." I hesitated before giving in and telling him the truth behind my very real and genuine fears. "A lot of threats were made against me when the Family got taken down and some of those people didn't make it into jail. Sully's son Capo actually promised to display my head in Times Square at one point and I know he fully intends to keep that promise."

"Add to the media coverage on your testimony, and your face being on every front page nationwide for the best part of a week," Tim reminded me, as he dropped the pieces he'd collected into the dustpan. "No one will look for you here right? You never mentioned Miami to anyone."

"As far as they were concerned I was from Philly, so no one should know that I'm here. Saying that the FBI had a leak the first time around, I'm not entirely trusting of them not to leave my name and address lying around for the wrong person to see. And witness protection was a definite no, no." I informed him as we both rose to our feet.

"It would have been a lot safer." Tim pointed out, running his hand through his wavy hair before returning to his previous actions.

Tim was standing back at the work surface and trying to figure out how to work my stove as I tipped the remains of the plate into the bin next to the back door. I watched as he poured oil into the frying pan.

"Witness protection from that amount of media coverage would have meant moving to a different country, they were thinking somewhere in Europe before I told them not to bother. I wanted to come back here and start again." I told him, my eyes on his back as I strode towards him as he whisked something in a jug.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and stood on my tip toes, my body leaning against his firm muscles as I tried to peer over his shoulder.

"What are you making?" I asked curiously, deciding to change the subject.

"I thought you deserved something a little special after yesterday so I'm making pancakes." Tim shrugged as if it was nothing.

I loved that about him, that nonchalance at doing things that he knew made me smile. It was the way he'd been back then too, just doing things without making it look like it was even an effort. He knew how to make me feel special without making a big deal of things and that's what I needed at the moment. In return I wanted to make him feel appreciated.

My hands were resting on his sides now, I could feel his warm smooth skin underneath yesterday's shirt, and I was remembering what he looked like with it off. I nuzzled his neck, my teeth grazing his soft skin as my hands slipped underneath his shirt, my fingertips playing with the waist band of his trousers. I felt his body go rigid against me, and I knew that was a good sign.

"You're never going to get fed if you keep doing that, and Delko's picking me up in thirty minutes." He warned, his voice hoarse as my fingers began to toy with his belt buckle.

"I am pretty hungry." I admitted reluctantly, pulling away as my stomach growled.

"Sit down and be a good girl." He told me firmly, before tipping the batter into the pan and swirling it around.

"Being good is overrated." I commented as I did as I was told.

I stretched in my seat, stifling a yawn as I watched him move around my kitchen, looking both comfortable and domesticated. It felt frighteningly natural to have him here, being like this again. It was clear that he'd gone through every single cupboard before I'd woken up, taking a mental inventory of everything I had in stock and I liked that. It meant he felt relaxed in this environment. Another sign he was actually here to stay.

More surprising was the fact I was finally starting to believe that.

My eyes strayed to my cell phone sitting in the centre of the table. I reached out and picked it up absentmindedly, studying the display.

"I brought your phone downstairs so it didn't wake you. Delko's been trying to call you." Tim stated as he set a plate of pancakes down in front of me, along with cutlery and a mug of tea. "He wanted to know if I managed to stop you going to Brazil. I told him you'd be back into tomorrow and he was going to have to use someone else as eye candy from now on."

"I've been back two minutes and you're already marking your territory." I teased, before picking up my cutlery.

Tim sat down across from me with his own plate, watching as I chopped at my pancakes and raising the fork to my mouth for a taste. Tim had already added just the right amount of maple syrup to make them taste truly divine. I sighed contently as he tried to hide a grin behind his glass of orange juice.

"You don't forget a thing." I grinned.

Tim raised an eyebrow, that familiar smirk tugging at his lips.

"And you didn't learn that last night?" he shot back.

"I need to gather more evidence before I make a full evaluation." I informed him, waving my fork in his general direction.

Tim chuckled as he shook his head, still chewing his own food happily.

"You got plans tonight?" Tim asked, trying to look passive.

I shrugged, thinking through my plans for the day which seemed to only involve catching up on a few of the emails I'd been promising to send back to people before crashing out in front of the TV with a good book.

"Me, the movie channel and a pint of ice cream." I responded, concentrating on my pancakes.

"How about I take you out to go see a movie and we grab dinner afterwards?" Tim asked sounding a little unsure.

"Tim Speedle are you asking me out on a date?" I exclaimed in mock surprise, a hand on my chest.

"Don't make this harder for me." He muttered, setting down his cutlery and folding his arms in front of himself before looking at me pointedly.

I knew this was hard for him. Dating had never really been his forte, and he wanted to make sure that things still stood the same way they had last night. He was showing me that it wasn't just talk, his feelings were genuine and he was willing to make an effort.

"I would like that." I answered openly.

I reached for my mug to take a sip of tea, as Tim's cell phone erupted to life with its preset ring tone. He slid the phone across the table towards him with a sullen expression and a deep sigh before answering "Speedle." I was already pushing his keys towards him as he rose to his feet, phone still clasped to his ear as he listened intently to the speaker.

"I gotta go." He said, snapping his phone shut as he moved around the table towards me.

I was surprised as his lips were suddenly mine, a long, sweet kiss that made my body tingle the way it had last night when he'd started kissing me in the shower. He pulled away breathless and I could tell he wished as much as I was that he was staying.

"I get off at seven." He murmured, before leaning in and kissing me again, this time deeper and more passionate.

"If you keep doing that, you're not going to make it into work." I warned him, drawing away, our faces inches apart as the desire mingled in the air between us.

Tim bit his lip before tearing himself away from me and heading towards the front door by way of the living room.

"Seven outside the crime lab." He called out before opening the front door and yanking the door shut behind him.

* * *

Horatio and Speed were standing side by side in the Trace Lab analysing the shape of the bite marks from the Spring Break beach victim that had rolled in this morning. Tim's mind had been preoccupied with what he had witnessed in the early hours of this morning. So he decided to take a chance and ask the questions that had been plaguing him for a while now. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"Has Kate ever mentioned anything about when she was UC to you?" Speedle asked in a low voice, keeping his gaze on specimen in front of him.

"Not a lot, we've talked a little about it and I kept track of her through the news, why Speed what's bothering you?" Horatio inquired, studying the younger man's profile.

"There were things she hasn't told me." Speedle paused, placing his hands palm down on the desk. "She has nightmares, she was muttering a lot in her sleep last night and it took me a while to calm her down."

It was a confession, one that wasn't his to make. But it was a concern he had. He'd never heard Kate whimper like that before; he'd never seen her look as frightened as she had last night. He hadn't been able to wake her despite the fact he'd tried, so he'd curled up right against her soft trembling body and held her as tightly as he could to make her feel safe, smoothing her hair and whispering soothing words into her ear as she fought against the things he couldn't see.

"She's been through a lot Tim, it's difficult for someone who's been undercover that long to return to normal life. She has some demons I'm sure that she's trying to deal with. She'll need you to help her, even if she doesn't want to admit it." Horatio explained softly.

Speedle let out a deep sigh before nodding at his mentor's advice.

"I made a promise last night; I'm going to be there H. For all the times I couldn't be over the years. So those demons are my demons too. I'm just glad to have her back and not running off to go get herself killed with the Mala Noche." Speed revealed, peering into the microscope and enhancing the lens.

"The Mala Noche? What does she have to do with the Mala Noche?" Horatio questioned.

"The Feds tried to take her away again; they wanted her to go to Brazil to investigate the Mala Noche. One way trip, she'd be coming back in coffin, I couldn't face that H, so I changed her mind." Speedle responded simply.

"I never thought the Feds would come after her again. Especially with what they put her through the first time." Horatio murmured, frowning.

"Feels like she went through the wringer and she won't open up about it, I think there are things she won't ever tell me because she thinks I'll run a mile. And The Feds are pretty persistent, you think they're gonna come back?" Speedle voiced his main concern out loud before turning his head towards Horatio.

"At this point Speed...they always come back."

"How do we protect her from something like that?" Speedle let out a deep sigh, and pondering the best course of action.

"I don't know Speed, but we'll find some way. We'll face those demons when we have to. Right now we just have to help her face those in her head and heart."

* * *

The restaurant was a wonderful private little place located near the beach; the tables were patterned with white table clothes. There was a single cream coloured candle, resting in the centre of the table between us. The lighting was low key as was the quiet Latino music that drifted through the room.

Tim was sitting across from me, that pained smirk spreading across his features, I sniggered before setting down my knife and fork and wiping at my mouth with a napkin.

"Say it." I challenged, with my own smile.

Tim raised his eyes to my face, and looked at me pointedly.

"You really wanna know?" He returned playfully, jabbing at his food with his fork.

"Yea. I really do." I nodded for empathise, resting my chin on my hand.

"OK." Tim put down his knife and fork before resting his elbows on the table top. "That film was the biggest pile of crap I have ever seen, what the hell was it even about? I am frightened that there are actually people in the world like that."

"Sex and the City is not that bad…"

"Oh trust me it is, I just don't get why women like watching other women go through all that. I mean do you all think that's gonna happen to you or something?" Tim blurted out suddenly.

"It's a different lifestyle, a lot of women crave that kind of life style, the movie just glamorises it." I reasoned.

"Did you ever want that?" he inquired, studying my face.

"To what? To be a Manhattan cocktail girl, and do the whole Sex and the City thing?" I exclaimed, taking a sip from my wine glass.

Tim nodded, as I shook my head.

"I never wanted that kind of lifestyle, it's not me doing the whole single and living it up thing. In fact this is the first date I've been on in a long time, and I appreciate the fact you made an effort, especially to see a movie I know you'd rather gouge your eyes out with a stick than watch." I smiled broadly as I spoke.

Tim bowed his head before clearing his throat and looking out of the window next to us.

"Didn't any of your Mob buddies ever take you out?" Tim asked tentatively.

"Some of them did, some got a first date, no one ever got past the third." I informed him, knowing that was important, not just to me but to him as well.

"The critical third date, you were trying to jump me on the first." Tim remembered, smiling as he took a gulp of his diet coke.

"Oh yea but you were different, you didn't try and impress me with the whole flowers and fast cars thing. You were…" I paused. "You were impressive, intense and demanding. You were a challenge and my hero all in one."

"You turned me down for coffee sixteen times before I convinced you to get dinner, that guy harassing you in the bar was god send." Tim stated, tilting his glass towards me.

"And you kissing me on the doorstep was payback?" I returned.

"I was trying to get you to give me a chance."

"And it worked I did give you a chance, that's why we're sitting here now. You were far too noble though, wouldn't let me jump your bones after our first date and after a kiss like that I think you tormented me enough, and then with all the making out on the second and third. I wanted you so badly I would have begged you if our fourth date hadn't ended with the two of us in bed together." I was unable to keep back the smirk that was spreading across my features as I spoke.

"That's how it started, you answered the door in that silky thing and stockings, I was powerless. I respected you too much in the beginning; I thought you had a brilliant mind, you know how hard it is to find a girl who actually knows who Locard is?" Tim chuckled, shaking his head in remembrance.

Locard was actually the father of modern day forensics; he was also the man who was responsible for mine and Tim's relationship. At Columbia I was all for getting an early start in our lectures; I wanted all the reading material I could lay my hands on. Locard and his book of theory had been on the top of my list. I was walking up the library steps to return said book when some dark haired moron stormed straight into me, knocking the pile of text books I'd been cradling all over the concrete steps and me nearly down them.

Strong hands had reached out to steady me as I teetered over the steps. Green met brown and as much as I'd love to say it was love at first sight, it really wasn't. He was moody and I was just annoyed. Add to this we'd bumped heads when we were both picking up library books and it was already a recipe for disaster. Especially when he'd told me he thought I looked like I was on a Fashion course because I looked too scatty to be on Forensics and then asked me was I doing it because it was the only course Daddy had offered to pay for. I'd nearly lamped him with that textbook there and then.

To make thing worse moody, intense guy had practically stalked me back into the library from when he'd came, just to make sure Locard fell into his hands and no one else's. I was half tempted to renew the book just to piss him off.

I'd left the guy, already reading the book at the reception desk and embarked on my journey home before getting changed and heading out the local campus bar.

The bar had been crowded that night and the weird, moody guy form the library turned knight in shining amour when I was faced with the ex-boyfriend from hell at the bar. Having Chris O'Malley gripping my arm, demanding to know why I'd broken up with him had drawn his attention. I don't know where he had come from but the fact he was at my side was reassuring, and when he wrapped his arm around my shoulders it made me feel safe. In all of five minutes, my hero had managed to get rid of Chris O'Malley by pretending to be my new boyfriend, and I was buying him a drink to thank him.

Tim Speedle was everything I'd ever wanted in a man and more, he was funny, smart and devastatingly attractive, and at the end of the night he proved to be a gentleman by walking me home. It had taken a lot of persuading on his part but Speedle managed to convince me to let loose and have a little fun after the mess that had been Chris O'Malley. In the end Tim Speedle convinced me to take a chance, on him.

"Locard is the best thing that ever happened to me." I leaned forward pointedly. "So I think it's only fair you tell me what kind of people you've been dating."

"Well nothing as extravagant as the mobsters you apparently dated and I wouldn't call it dating." Tim shrugged.

"So no serious relationships?" I inquired, finger trailing along the rim of the wine glass.

Tim inhaled deeply, focusing on swirling his drink around in his hand so the ice cubes kinked together. He was frowning now.

"I didn't want anything after you, it was a nightmare. I spent a year searching for you; I thought I saw you everywhere. There was this conference I was doing two years ago in Miami U…"

"I was there." I blurted out suddenly.

Tim simply stared at me, his eyes wide, his dark handsome features absolutely stunned. I bowed my head and clasped my hands together as he waited patiently for me to explain.

"That day when you were giving a lecture, I was there, standing at the back. It was Ray's funeral and I wanted to see you. I wanted to see how you were doing and I heard you were at Miami U." I hesitated. "You looked good up there."

There was an awkward silence between us; I was pretending to study my hands while Tim's whole focus rested on me. I couldn't look at him because I was afraid what I'd see reflected in his face.

"I spent a long time chasing you, and the minute you were actually there, you slipped through my fingers." Tim said softly.

"I could never have stayed, I had to go again. Horatio… He was helping me…He made me leave because he knew what Ray had done to me and he knew that I was going to die and he didn't want that. If I had stayed, and trust me I wanted to, you would have been at risk and I couldn't live with that." I shared with him, staring out of the window now and into the darkness of the street outside.

Tim surprised me by reaching across the table and taking my hand.

"I know your gonna be going through a lot but I'm here ok? If you need someone I'm your guy."

Tim's eyes looked haunted and for a moment I saw helplessness. An emotion we were both not accustomed to.

"And I appreciate that. Did I...I had a nightmare didn't I?" I asked with uncertainty.

"Yea, it was pretty intense. I couldn't wake you." He murmured, watching as his thumb traced my over my knuckles one by one.

"It's a side effect of me keeping my mouth shut, it all has to come out and it just happens when I sleep. It's just…it's the only time I lose control." I confessed, my eyes resting on him as he furrowed his brow in concentration.

"You thought about talking to someone professionally?" Tim asked quietly.

"What could I tell them? I'm still supposed to keep my mouth shut. I don't think they would like me broadcasting what happened to a psychologist." I returned, feeling exasperated.

The FBI had left me in a lousy position and we all knew it. There were no mental health packages to help me deal with the effects of UC. They tossed you back on your ass and expected you to get on with it. A shrink was out of the question. I wanted help; I didn't think I could survive this on my own, not with the nightmares and the memories. Breaking out in cold sweats at three am was getting as frequent as the nightmares had been after the fire and there was going to be a point where I couldn't take it anymore. It was that that terrified me more than anything.

"Look, just call me if it happens again and I'm not there, promise you'll call me." Tim persisted, raising his eyes to meet mine.

"You don't want to hear my bad dreams Tim. You aren't my father. I can deal with them myself." I snapped, feeling defensive.

At some point he was going to realise how broken I really was. The scar on my back was the tip of the iceberg, a constant reminder that I had been betrayed by one of my own. My trust was fragmented but he was helping me heal. He was helping to pull it back together.

"You don't have to do this by yourself anymore, I want to know about the things you can't tell anybody else."

I could see it all there in his eyes, the helplessness and the fear. He was scared he'd pushed too far and now I was going to retreat and put up my walls to block him out again. I did that and this would be all over before it had even got started. I had to learn to trust again.

"I know, and I appreciate that. I'll call you if you aren't there. I promise." I told him squeezing his hand a little before pulling away to drain the last of my wine glass.

Tim decided to be the tactical one and change the subject to lighten the mood.

"So do you want dessert? We can get some ice cream," Tim raised his eyebrows. "I can do wonderful things with ice cream."

"I think you better take me home and show me."

* * *

"You trust me right?" Tim mumbled as his lips trailed fiery hot kisses along my throat.

His hands were running all over my body, his sensual rough palms gliding absolutely everywhere, making my skin flushed underneath his touch. I was wearing nothing but a pair of sheer black panties and they were the only thing between me and Tim.

"With my life." I whispered as his hands ran to my wrists and drew my arms above my head towards the head board of my bed.

Tim's lips were on mine, his tongue in my mouth, seeking. I shivered as the cold metallic cuffs clicked around my wrists securing me to the wrought iron head board. Tim pulled back onto his knees straddling my hips, his eyes roving my body as his hands roamed all the way down, caressing my breasts, ribcage and stomach before his fingertips teased the waistband of my panties.

I squirmed underneath him, testing my restraints and desperate to be near him again as he reached back to the side of the bed and pulled up the tub of vanilla ice cream, complete with spoon.

"Now this is a theory, I've been wanting to try out." Tim informed me cracking open the tub of ice cream and digging the spoon into it.

"Is this really the time for theories?" I muttered, watching as Tim spooned the ice cream into his mouth.

My skin was red hot and aching for his touch and he was eating ice cream…

Tim's lips descended on my collarbone, his mouth deliciously cold contrasting against the heat from my skin making me shudder and gasp.

"You liked that." He murmured in my ear, pressing the length of his body against mine, I wriggled trying to rub myself against his throbbing erection with very little success.

Tim drew back again; I exhaled deeply as his hands slid to my breasts. His thumbs tracing over my nipples before he continued his journey down my body. Tim reached for the ice cream again, this time using the spoon to make a trail down from my collar bone down the centre of my body to the top of my panties. My body quivered at the sudden burst of cold against my skin.

Tim lowered his face between my legs; I could feel his warm breath against me through the sheer panties, making me wriggle in attempt to get closer to the source of my imminent pleasure. I was panting when he kissed my clit through my panties, I was soaking wet, and his tongue was gliding up and down my lips with expert finesse. I groaned in frustration as his lips moved back up to the waist band of my panties, his tongue licking the ice cream trail all the way up my body. His hands kneading my breasts, his thumbs tracing my nipples lightly and making my body arch against him as his teeth grazed my throat.

"You tease." I growled, head tilting back in ecstasy as he rubbed his erection against me through the panties.

"You like it though." His voice was husky as he nibbled my ear lobe.

I knew this was driving him as wild as it was making me wet.

His lips enclosed on mine again, his teeth biting my bottom lip as his hands roamed over my ass peeling down my panties. His kisses were more ferocious now as Tim's cool tongue strayed further down my body, his eyes on my face watching my reactions. The panties were off now, and his hand was running up along my inner thigh as his lips enclosed on my clit. I moaned as his tongue traced my clit, his mouth still sucking at my swollen nub. I cried out, my fingers grasping the wrought iron as Tim teased mercilessly. My whole body was for him to play with and I enjoyed being able to relinquish my control to him and only him.

My body was beginning to tense and my whimpers were turning into loud moans as he pushed me to the edge, and left me just hanging there, caught in the pleasure but unable to climax. Every touch was a sweet torment and I knew I wasn't the only one getting off on it. Just when it became almost too much, Tim stopped his oral ministrations before sliding his hot, perspirating body up against mine. His hard cock rubbed against my slick opening, refusing to give me the fulfilment I needed. His lips were on my ear as my head tilted back into the pillow his hands gripping the wrought iron head board as my fingers twining in its curved edges.

"Please Tim." I pleaded. "I need you to fuck me."

"You need me inside you right now?" he breathed, his cheek pressed against mine.

"Fuck.Me.Now." I begged, punctuating each word.

My whole body arched against him as he plunged inside me hard and rough. Just the way I wanted it. I couldn't control the volume of my moans as he buried himself deeper inside me, each thrust driving closer and closer to the ultimate release. I knew he was holding back, his eyes were on my face watching as I lost complete control, the ecstasy tearing through my body as I climaxed. The cry of pleasure erupting out of my mouth and the response of my trembling body drove Tim over the edge. His face was buried in my neck as he came inside me, his lips calling out my name as he slumped against me, the both of us breathless.

Tim's hand was already reaching for the cuff key as I lay there exhausted and blissful, arms still pinned to the head board. He undid the cuffs flicking them over the side of the bed as he rolled off me and onto his side of the bed. I turned onto my side feeling flushed and spent, to face him.

"Well I think we can assume that your theory was correct." I yawned. I snuggling up against him, my head resting on his chest as he lay on his back, one arm slung over his head and the other wrapped around my shoulders

Tim pressed his lips to my forehead; my hand strayed across his chest falling still over his heart. I could feel it beating underneath my fingertips and sighed contently, nuzzling Tim's neck with my nose.

"I'm not planning to die on you, you know." Tim said quietly, his eyes were already closed but I knew he wasn't going to sleep until I was.

"I just like to check." I mumbled, my eyes lids already beginning to grow heavy.

"I'll watch over you tonight." He whispered, his hand absentmindedly stroking my hair.

I nodded my response feeling safer than I had in years as the darkness claimed me.

_**A special thanks goes out to my special little Miss Montana, she was an inspiration, especially with all the up and coming storylines we've talked out. I wouldn't be able to do this without you!**_

_**Of course, thank you to the reviewers and the lurkers, without you guys I wouldn't have a reason to write.**_

_BEG: lol I'm glad someone appreciates it. It's true it took me a long, long time. As you know things turn a little insane form here on out. Lol Thank you, I work hard trying to make Kate and Tim compatible, they're both head strong but they need each other. Lol I needed the shower to show how this time was different from the previous night and I tried to show the depth of their emotions._

_Eva: lol at one point I considered it, I have an idea for a little what if but I'm not sure. You'll get to find out what would have happened if Kate had gone. Lol I hope you enjoyed the little tads of background I included here. From here on out things will prob get a bit crazy. Watch out for Freaks and Tweaks._

_Lapland: lmao! She wanted to bitch slap her so badly but she's more restrained than me or you. Lol I'd love to do a one shot of if she did leave. I needed to make it believable that she'd go UC again. Lol I had to make the sex as tender as possible to show their feelings and how he wants to protect her now._

_Maddy: Was it too long for you? I know it was very very long but I was hoping the sections break it up a little. Lol the aim of the chapter was to keep the audience on their toes. I forgot about the email there's so much stuff going on at the minute. Hope RL isn't kicking your butt either._

_Blue: lol I'm glad you liked it; the aim was to throw you about lol. I'd love those pretzels we don't get them anymore here. Get me some Oreos and I'll give you more story. Lol you made me blush with the hero comment and you get a little more smut in this chapter too! I'll give you a heads up for Freaks and Tweaks, the chapter after this._

_Mauveine: Tim basically reacts how I imagine I would react lol. I honestly thing that Tim's response to the Megan is honestly what I can see him doing in that situation, it's too much to deal with so block it out lol. The box was a bitch to write and that notes still sitting on his table remember. OMG Alison doing her thing nearly killed me to write because I had to show it form Kate's POV. That image of the hand was just something I could see her doing, and I can't imagine ever realizing something that dark about yourself. Kate's fun to write because she gives me a base to explore all the dark possibilities, because of her background, she's not like normal people. Lol I loved him being nasty in the locker room, he needed to blow off steam becaus4e otherwise it would have lingered between them. The shower scene was hard, I wanted to make it as loving as possible, a diverse change from the night before. She needed something to hold on to and he needed to feel needed lol._


	12. Chapter 12: Tinderbox

Chapter Twelve: Tinderbox

_I saw you dancing  
And I couldn't get you off my mind  
I could tell that you could tell  
That I was taking my time  
But I was thinking of ways  
To get you to stay tonight  
Body's shaking  
Tell me off so I can turn off the lights_

_Tonight you're falling in love  
Let me go now  
This feeling's tearing me up  
Here we go now_

_Metro Station – Shake It!_

Club Descent was located by the docks, and was Miami's hottest club this season. The queue was backed up around the block monitored only by a single broad shouldered bouncer. The club inside was heaving and hot and despite the Miami heat, there was no air conditioning in the huge hollowed out brick building. Bodies were packed tightly together swaying in time to the music and sipping from bottles and glasses that the cocktail waitresses were bringing on black circular trays.

Eric Delko, upon arrival had been swallowed up by the crowd; he'd been heavily sought after by a bachelorette party and was already making out with a pretty young dark haired girl by the name of Connie. Their drinks were to be delivered to the table that Eric had managed to grab for the three of them, and he was saving it by sitting there with the beautiful curly haired girl straddling his lap.

Club Descent was way over the legal capacity and it was probably in violation of several fire codes but all Tim Speedle cared about at the current moment was the beautiful sexy woman who was pressed up against him. Tim's hands were all over Kate's body, roaming everywhere as her hips swayed, her hands above her head as her whole body moved for his eyes only. He couldn't get enough of her body, not now, not ever.

The music was thumping, the latest tunes being played curtsey of DJ Scorpios throwing the whole crowd into a frenzy. Kate's arms were around his neck as she gyrated to the soundtrack, grinding against him, her skirt rising up her thighs as brushed her body right up against him.

Everything about her was driving him wild. The coffee coloured silk halter was clinging to her skin enhancing every single curve of her body. His hands were on her waist as he thrust himself against her willing body. Kate's head tipped back in apprehension, Tim's lips descended on hers, his tongue hungrily seeking hers as his hands slid down to her ass squeezing it. His finger traced the outline of her lace panties through the black silk skirt. It fell mid-thigh showing a generous expanse of those fabulous toned legs and hugged her figure like a second skin.

It had been a long time since he'd seen her in a skirt, and set off with the black, spike heeled stilettos, she was everyman's wet dream come true.

The club had been Delko's idea. He suggested they celebrate Kate's decision to stay by hitting the town on their next night off. Kate had wanted to check out how the Miami night life had changed since she'd left and Tim was only too happy to oblige. Clubs had never been his thing unless he was looking for an anonymous one night fuck but it was different with Kate here, he felt relaxed. There were no other girls for him tonight there was just Kate, whose eyes were telling him that as soon as they got out of this club he was in for one wild night.

Their relationship was still a secret. They'd been dating for a little under a month now and the only people that knew there was anything between the two of them was Horatio, Calleigh and of course Eric. Inside the lab he relished the fact the two of them could be as professional as they both were. Outside the lab…well they were barely leaving the bedroom. They had six years to make up for and by Christ he was going to make sure he made up for the time they were apart.

Kate was everything to him, and he knew that during those years she'd been so deep undercover that she didn't know who the hell she was, the thought of him had kept her sane. He was protective of her now, so damn fierce because he didn't want her hurt ever again. She'd been through too much already.

Tim had never been possessive before, not until he met Kate. Other girls had come and gone, they weren't anything that he ever considered long term. After Kate he didn't want anything more, the pain was always too raw and if he was honest they were always a substitute, just something to get him off when the frustration became too great. It had never mattered who it was or what they looked like, only that they were as consenting as he was. Most time he didn't even give his name. Each woman that has passed him by through the years had known nothing more besides his appearance.

Kate knew everything, from his shirt size to the way he liked his organic scrambled eggs in the morning. She was the only person he'd ever let near him emotionally and it was the same for her.

Kate had started out as an enigma; she'd come back with nothing more than her name. Now she was opening up and telling him things, things he wasn't even sure her handler at the FBI had known. The old Kate was coming through again and in turn Tim was as happy as he had been before she'd vanished. Yet he was still very weary.

The events of the wannabe Columbine case had shaken him up, especially when Kate had almost been pulled back into U.C. He'd never been as terrified or as angry as that moment in time, and he couldn't stand the thought of her leaving him again.

Kate was underneath his hands, her body moving to the beat of the DJ deck. Her hands were running up and down his chest now, her teeth grazed his bottom lip, tantalising him with unspoken promises.

"DJ Bomb Squad, make some noise!" DJ Scorpios' voice boomed over the microphone making the two of them pull apart.

DJ Scorpios was renowned for his pyrotechnic shows; they synchronised to the music and were the main attraction to the club tonight.

Tim wrapped his arms around her waist, leaning her back against his chest. Kate rubbed her ass against him, he was already aroused and he knew she could feel it as he pushed against her. Tim moaned into her ear, his fingers clasping the bottom of her skirt, his fingertips trailing up along the back of thighs under the fabric. She tilted her head back, her body shuddering at his touch. His lips brushed her exposed throat as the flares next to the DJ booth exploded upwards, illuminating Kate's expression of pure ecstasy. They were gonna have to leave soon; otherwise they'd end up in the club bathrooms, locked in a cubical.

The stage ahead was showered with bright sparks. Tim's hands were rubbing over Kate's body, his mouth on her as she tilted her head forward to watch the show. He was surprised when her body suddenly went rigid. He withdrew his hands from her body, he knew this was different from the anticipation, it was the way her body tensed against him that made him realise that something was wrong. He sensed her fear before she'd even reacted. He acted instinctively, his fingers entwining in hers as he followed her gaze.

The instant he saw it, he knew. His grip on her hand tightened as he came to realise the curtain had ignited. Flames were climbing the curtains, burning up the material in seconds. Smoke was beginning to bellow from the source of the fire. Kate was paralysed, still standing in shock, her eyes wide, and mouth hanging open.

It was up to him to take action because in this situation he knew she couldn't be the strong one. Fire was the only thing she feared, almost being murdered in her own home had affected her capacity to deal with it. He was tugging her already towards Delko; Eric's eyes were on the flames steadily climbing towards the ceiling, his phone already out as he jabbered into it.

"This place doesn't have sprinklers." Tim warned as his eyes rose to the ceiling.

The other club patrons were beginning to realize something was wrong now, that the flames weren't part of the show. The mere idea of being in genuine danger was enough to cause a riot. Adrenaline started to kick into most people's bodies when they were under stress causing a fight or flight response. Getting people out of this club was Tim's main priority, he was bound by duty, but in his heart, it was all about getting Kate out, safe and sound.

"Hit the alarm!" Eric yelled into the crowd as the panic rooted itself deep within the crowd.

Speed was already weaving his way through the hoard of people in the direction of the nearest exit. His heart was thudding in his chest as he headed towards the nearest set of fire doors. Tim's hand was drenched in perspiration but he made sure to keep a firm grasp on Kate's hand as he guided her through the rush of people heading towards the entrance.

"There's an exit over here." He heard himself shouting over the wail of the alarm.

There was screaming now and the sound of glass exploding as the fire whipped across the bar causing a series of tiny explosions as bottles of alcohol exploded.

The fire was already out of control, the thick black smoke was clouding his vision and choking him as he shoved his way to the door. Kate's hand slipped from his grip, he grabbed at her again, her fingertips grazing his before the crowd swallowed her up. His heart was in his throat as he rammed his palm on the bar of the fire door, attempting to open it only to find it was chained shut. He cursed as he rattled the door once more, before kicking it in frustration. Now he'd lost Kate and their only way out. The entrance was packed there wasn't a chance in hell they were going to be leaving by that exit.

Tim turned, and fought his way through the throng of bodies, his eyes searching every face desperately seeking out Kate. His throat was hoarse from the smoke but he was still screaming her name at the top of his lungs. He could barely hear himself, but he knew somewhere in that crowd Kate was doing the same thing. She was somewhere within these four walls and he would find her.

Tim could feel himself becoming disorientated, smoke inhalation and chemical vapours burning up in the fire were getting to him. The flames were licking the ceiling now. It wouldn't be too long before the ceiling collapsed and brought the whole building down on top of them. There were still too many people left inside, if it did fall there'd be a lot of blood on his hands.

There was a light shining somewhere beyond the flames, glaring at him through the darkness. There was a draft coming through, and Tim covered his face as he rushed through the flames. The fire door was ajar; the light shining through from a street light outside. Tim was reacting on instinct, folding his shirt over his hand before shoving the door open. Fresh air assaulted his lungs, and he took in huge gulps of oxygen before darting back into the building and bellowing at the crowd.

"Everyone, open door here!"

Before he knew it, Tim was fighting his way back into the club through the crowd of people who were pushing their way towards the cool autumn night. A man stumbled in front of him; Speed was already working mechanically, yanking the man up by his shoulders and hauling him towards the door. He was glancing at every face that past him and seeing nothing of the woman he'd lost in the chaos. It was rare he found himself frightened for someone, but he knew Kate and he knew that she was probably beyond terrified.

Panic was racing through him, and he knew it wasn't just because of his anxiety over Kate's whereabouts. His oesophagus was constricting and his lungs were craving clear air outside. Tim covered his face with his shirt sleeve as he shoved people towards the open door, yelling out Kate's name as he delved deeper into the club.

Speedle was coughing now, deep, hacking coughs that choked up his lungs and forced him to double over as he struggled to catch his breath. He could barely see through the smoke and worse than that he found himself unable to move. His eyes and throat were stinging as he inhaled the hot air. Black spots were dancing in front of his eyes and his knees were beginning to buckle under the strain of keeping his own body upright. He wasn't scared of death; he was scared for Kate and what his death would mean for her.

Someone gripped his shirt and he suddenly found himself being propelled towards the exit, he was thrust through the crowd and then suddenly he could breath. His body was pacified but his heart was not. Kate was still in the building. He clasped his would be rescuer's arm, struggling to right himself and found himself looking into Horatio's oceanic eyes.

Speed drew back as his vision began to focus again to the change of lighting. His mentor was covered in soot; his suit had scorch marks all over it. Tim had no time to dwell on Horatio's abrupt arrival, because he was already racing to get back into the building, to get to Kate. Horatio's hand clamped on his arm, yanking him back as the building exploded from the inside causing heat to flush red hot across Tim's face.

"Kate." He was roaring her name as his eyes pricked, his breath becoming shallow.

"Oh my God, she was in there H! I think she was still in there." Tim repeated feeling himself suddenly struggling to breathe.

It wasn't fair, they hadn't had enough time, there were things he'd wanted to do, things he'd wanted to say. He screwed his eyes closed tightly as the tears stung his eyes.

"Speed."

Horatio's hand clasped his shoulder gently, squeezing it as Tim opened his eyes. They were glistening with tears, as he choked, his hand on his heart as it began to tear itself apart in his chest.

"Speed." Horatio repeated, his calm tone drawing Tim's attention to him as his boss nodded in the direction of the Crime Scene Hummer.

Tim's heart literally stopped beating in his chest as his eyes fell on that familiar dark mane of hair across the bobbing heads of people rushing to and from the medical points that EMS had set up. Soot and mascara covered her beautiful tear streaked face as Kate clasped her hand to her mouth coughing and spluttering. Her chest was wrenching as she leaned against the Hummer, and it took him a second to realize that Kate was actually struggling to breath.

Tim was already striding towards her when her knees buckled from underneath her body, her back slid down the Hummer and into a small bundle at the hubcap of the tire. Kate's legs were tucked underneath her as she buried her head in her hands.

Relief filled him, amongst other emotions that moved too quickly for him to grasp. Just seeing her alive was enough to make him thankful to whoever was up there for protecting her. The relief bypassed the fear and adrenaline that coursed through his system.

Tim dropped down on his knees next to her; he could hear her taking short shallow breathes. She was having a panic attack. He'd seen it before, back when they were taking finals in Columbia, but never this bad. She was trembling, not just a little; her whole body was vibrating against him as he slipped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her body to his.

Kate jerked at the sudden motion, and he realized that over the past six years she'd been dealing with these attacks alone. It took a full minute for Kate to realize that it was actually him and when she did, he took that as a sign to wrap both arms around her and draw her closer so that her slender frame was nestled against him.

"It's ok, take deep breathes." He whispered as he smoothed her hair with his hand.

Kate's head was resting on his broad chest, right above his heart. He revelled in her scent, burying his face in her hair. His lips brushed the top of her head as he clasped her body to him tightly. He closed his eyes, absorbing in the feeling of her body pressed against his as he held her listening to the rhythm of her breathing.

"Your ok Kate…We're ok." He murmured, kissing her head again softly.

"How are you doing?"

Horatio's voice seemed to come out of the blue. He'd been so wrapped up with Kate; he'd blocked out everything else and had simply focused on her. Tim raised his eyes to see Horatio standing over them. A kind smile spread over his features as he looked down on the two of them.

Tim nodded in response to Horatio's original question before responding with one of his own.

"Delko?"

Kate withdrew from Tim's arms, clearing her throat as she finally managed to get a grip on herself. Tim could tell she was attempting to regain her composure in the face of their boss.

"He got out the front. He's ok." Horatio stated, as he studied the pair intently.

"I need to know…do you two think you can work this?" Horatio asked almost knowingly.

Tim squinted at Horatio before letting out a deep sigh, glancing at Kate before responding to Horatio's question.

"I can take you through what happened inside the club." He confirmed before twisting his head towards Kate.

She'd started to shut down again, he could tell by the steely glint in her eyes. It was her coping mechanism, the way she was trying to deal with this.

"Kate?" Horatio said softly.

Kate snapped out of her daze before nodding slowly.

"I can do this." Kate murmured.

"Kate, I want you to get back to the lab and clean yourself up, you're going to be on the first wave of evidence. Speed, you are going are going to be working the scene. Speed I need you to take me through exactly what happened." Horatio informed them.

Speed was already climbing to his feet and holding out his hand to Kate. Kate took it, gratefully rising to her feet with his help. He knew this was an admission of weakness, the only one she'd let herself have until she had processed.

"I don't think I can drive." Kate mumbled, brushing the hair away from her face, her hand still trembling.

Tim knew he wasn't the only one that noticed despite the fact she was doing her best to hide it.

"I'll have Tripp drive you back to the lab." Horatio replied gently before his eyes fell on the owner of the club standing nearby. "Now if you excuse me…"

"You gonna be ok?" Tim asked quietly, as Kate crossed her arms over her chest, her mouth set in a grim line.

"Yea fine, I just…I just really don't like fire." Kate muttered as she caught sight of Tripp moving towards the pair of them, his face etched in concern.

"I gotta…" Tim jerked his thumb back at the burning building feeling torn between his duty and his heart

"Yea me too, I'll catch you back at the lab." Kate responded, wrapping her arms around herself and taking a few final steps towards Tripp.

* * *

The car was silent as Tripp gave the woman next to him a sidelong glance before refocusing his attention on the road. Kate was huddled in the leather passenger seat, staring straight ahead at the road; her eyes were glazed over as she rested her head against the seat. The blanket he'd taken out the back of the car was still wrapped tightly around her.

She'd been shivering like crazy when she'd happened upon him, arms wrapped around herself when she'd stepped towards the vehicle. The poor girl had been through the wringer and back, not just tonight but in the due course of her life.

He'd heard the stories about her over a year ago through the grape vine. Kate Callahan was the girl who'd taken down one of the Five Families and lived to tell about it, although not for lack of trying.

The truth was Frank Tripp didn't know what to make of Kate Callahan. She looked like the girl next door, one of the kid's old babysitters to be precise. There was something truly disarming about her smile and her attitude towards work. Like Calleigh, she was an optimist and life with her around seemed a whole lot sunnier.

Yet he could see the evidence that she was a seasoned cop, it was in the way she held herself, the way she stood her ground when faced with a challenge. He admired that strength and resourcefulness. Kate reminded him a little bit of himself at that age. He saw the determined glint in her eyes when she got hold of a case.

That didn't stop him from pulling out the over protective father card every once in a while. Although he was pretty aware after she slammed a guy up against a wall for taking a swing at her that she could take care of herself. He'd only seen that kind of reaction and those kind of moves in FBI trained cops. That girl was as tough as they came, and times like this reminded him that she was still just a kid…

"You ok kid?" he surprised himself by breaking the silence.

Kate shifted in the seat, pulling the blanket up to her chin before her head twisted towards him mechanically. He recognized her mannerisms. Kate Callahan was processing.

"I've had worse." She returned quietly before averting her gaze back to the windshield.

"Yea, I suppose you have…" he paused, before adding. "There's a box of Marlboro's in the glove compartment and a lighter, right at the back hidden behind the stash of candy bars."

Kate frowned, before biting her lip and bowing her head.

"I don't…"

Tripp cut her off with his no nonsense tone of voice. He'd seen her smoking on the fire escape during the case with the child molester Stewart Otis.

"Only in a stressful situation right?"

Kate let out a deep sigh, before flicking the glove box open and routing through it.

"We don't tell Tim about this ok? You sure you don't mind me smoking in your car? I don't wanna get you in trouble with the wife." Kate muttered as she grabbed the carton of cigarettes and tore one from the pack, pressing it between her lips.

"Nah, in a situation like this, I can make an exception." Tripp informed her openly.

Kate rolled down the window before lighting up and inhaling the first drag with a low moan.

"How longs it been since you quit?" Tripp asked as Kate returned the carton and lighter to its hiding place and shut the dash.

"Three years. Still feel like I need the kick every now and then though, I haven't touched one in a year. Never smoked before I went UC, then I was on a pack a day to help me get through the constant pressure." Kate confided as she flicked ash out of the window with ease.

"Safer than turning to booze." Tripp reasoned.

"I hadn't been drunk for five years when I got out of UC, too scared I'd give myself away. One of the first things I did when I got out was hit the nearest bar." Kate shuddered at the memory. "Never, ever again." She muttered.

"Bad hangover?" Tripp questioned.

"That and what I woke up next to, not my finest moment." Kate admitted as she settled back into the seat.

Tripp found himself chuckling at her honesty before responding.

"We've all been there, but your happy now right? With Speedle?" Tripp inquired.

Kate swung her gaze to him, looking surprised.

"I'm a Detective kid, I figure things out. You two leave together all the time, you even go as far as buying him that organic crap he eats for lunch, if that ain't love then I don't know what is." Frank stated bluntly.

Kate shrugged.

"We're not really keeping it a secret, we're just not telling people. We're both very professional and we'd never let it get in the way of work. I'm surprised there's not a pool on it." Kate remarked dryly.

Tripp cleared his throat guiltily as Kate tilted her head at him a smirk on her face.

"How much did you win?" Kate asked curiously, pulling a face.

"About two hundred," Tripp muttered.

"Bet you put it straight in your kid's college fund didn't you?" Kate accused playfully.

"Every little bit helps." Tripp returned, as he pulled up the car in front of the Crime Lab.

Kate opened the door before dropping the cigarette butt on the ground and grinding it into the concrete with the spike heel of her ruined stilettos.

"Thanks Frank, I'll catch you back at the scene." Kate murmured as she began to unravel herself from the blanket he'd lent her.

"Keep the blanket for now until you get changed. Don't want you having to reveal your goods to the whole Crime Lab." Tripp offered, nodding in the direction of her torn silk top.

Kate's face was beyond relieved and Tripp felt happy to help as her face lit up.

"Thank you so much, I'll wash it and return it tomorrow. It smells kind of smoky." Kate gave him a genuine smile as she slipped out of the car and closed the door firmly behind her.

Tripp made sure she got into the lab just fine before he pulled away and moved on to his next port of call.

The judge's house.

* * *

The air was still potent with the stench of smoke and burnt flesh. Speed found himself swallowing hard in order to stifle the nausea climbing in his throat. They all could have been killed, instead the death toll was up to fifteen, and that wasn't counting the unlucky ones like Eric's ten second girlfriend, whom were on their way to the hospital.

Some days it felt like you didn't even have a life outside of the lab. Today was one of them. He'd pulled a double before hitting the club and now he was back working the scene. Tim sighed as his eyes fell on the DJ Booth, so much for spending the rest of the night wrapped up in Kate.

"The fire originated from behind the DJ deck over there on the stage. The DJ was using flares as part of the show." Speed filled in Horatio as he stepped over to his red haired mentor.

Horatio's eyes were lingering over every inch of the scene as he surveyed it. First impressions mattered for something, it was an impression that made you stand up and take note, and everything about this fire screamed suspicious. He was determined to discover the truth behind the blaze that had almost claimed three members of his lab.

"Here's the chained door I was telling you about." Speed led Horatio towards the chained exit doors.

Horatio nodded, for a minute as he imagined the scene in front of them. All those people straining against each other, fighting towards this exit, only to find it locked. It made him sick to his stomach thinking about the lives that had been lost in the scramble for survival.

"Where's the club owner?" Horatio inquired, turning to the other man.

Speed looked tired, not just physically but mentally as well. He could see the weariness in the other man's eyes and he could see that Speed was craving a little of his own time off the clock. Unfortunately the truth was Horatio needed him, just like he needed Kate and Eric. This scene was too big for him and Calleigh and the county didn't have the man power to accommodate the gradually rising crime rate.

"He's outside, talking to Bernstein. You need anything else from me before I get back to the Lab?" Speed asked, running a hand through his hair.

"Actually Speed, there is one thing."

Speed nodded before raising his eyes towards his mentor expectantly.

"It's you and Kate."

Tim raised his eyebrows but wisely chose to say nothing; instead he waited for Horatio to reiterate.

"You know the rules on relationships in the Crime Lab right?" Horatio questioned his sunglasses in hand as he fiddled with the arms of his Ray Bans.

"The unspoken rule is don't have them." Speedle answered carefully, his arms folded over his chest.

Horatio recognized this as a defensive posture before deciding to take a different approach.

"Kate's happy with you, and if she's happy then I'm happy. She's been through enough already, Speed, if you hurt her I will do something about it."

Speed found himself rendered completely speechless as Horatio gave him a small smile before he strode from the room, leaving Tim still puzzling over what on earth he could say.

I was pulling my hair back into a French twist when the door to the locker room opened revealing a preoccupied Tim Speedle. His face cleared as his eyes took in my attire. I knew from the look in his eyes he liked what he saw. My shirt was off the shoulder and sky blue. My black denim jeans hugged my lower body and his eyes strayed to my ass as I fixed the hem of my shirt, that I'd accidently tucked into my pants.

"Like what you see Speedle?" I teased as he strode towards me.

He came to a stop just before me; his hands came to rest on my hips as he leaned into me. I could still smell the smoke on him; soot was smeared across his face as I took in his features. He had almost died for me.

"Just thinking about all of the fun we could have been having right about now." He murmured.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed the length of my body against his, our lips were inches apart and I felt a furious desire rush through me as I looked into his smouldering eyes. He couldn't hide what he was thinking and neither could I.

"I know…I was going to screw you in the bathroom and everything if we didn't make it out of the night club." I whispered.

His hands slipped underneath my shirt, feeling rough and warm on my skin as they glided across my figure and up to the hem of my bra. His fingers toyed with the lace as his thumb rubbed at my nipple over the material of the cup. His lips met mine tentative and slow. I melted into his kiss, rubbing my lower body against him and moaning into his mouth as I found him aroused underneath his jeans.

"I want to be inside you so badly." He groaned, his hands sliding down to my ass and yanking me to him.

His lips descended on mine again, my body flushed with heat as he thrust himself against me. My hands were roaming underneath his shirt, nails scraping down his back in anticipation. Tim's tongue was in my mouth, desperate and seeking matching my own need and desire. God help us, I wanted to fuck him right here, right now.

The door crashed open; hitting the wall and making us spring apart a moment too late. My face turned red as I adjusted my body to face the person standing in the door way.

Carrie, the DNA tech was standing before us, her mouth hanging open utterly stunned, it took me a second to realize why, the lipstick I'd been wearing to the club and had reapplied two minutes ago was smeared across Tim's mouth.

"We were just…" I started before Tim interrupted.

"The fire…" Speedle continued, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"I'm sorry… I mean I didn't know…I just wanted to see if you were ok…" Carrie's eyes were on Tim as she talked.

Heaven forbid she show concern for me. I'd clocked Carrie's little crush on Tim the moment I walked in on her mooning over him in DNA. The expression on her face was more of severe disappointment as opposed to the concern she was meant to be showing.

"We're fine." I broke in the midst of her rambling. "A little smoke inhalation otherwise we're good."

"Right…" Carrie muttered, her eyes darting between the two of us, trying to make a connection.

The rumour mill was going to be rife with stories of sexual encounters in the CSI locker room, which was a little unfair considering we didn't actually have sex. I took a deep breath before putting a hand to my head and making a snap decision

"We're in a relationship, we got separated in the fire and that was us being thankful that the other was alive." I explained bluntly, crossing my arms over my chest.

Carrie's eyes were on me again, her mouth now in an "o" of surprise, I guess Tim wasn't kidding when he said he didn't do relationships or with the fact he liked to keep things private.

"You two are…" she trailed off looking moderately confused.

I made the conscious effort not to roll my eyes, wondering what looked so wrong to her about me being with him.

"Yea, we're a couple, I know Kate from a while back." Tim put in his two cents, before giving Carrie the full weight of his gaze, in other words trying to make her go away.

I pursed my lips together before bowing my head, and inwardly cringing. This was not how I'd wanted people to actually find out. There was an awkward silence before Carrie broke it.

"I've got some evidence that's running…"

"Yea and I could do with taking a shower, so I'd be grateful if you left some time in the next five minutes so I could get back to the scene and start processing before the rest of the building collapses." Tim snapped, narrowing his eyes at her.

Carrie stared at him like a deer caught in head lights before turning on her heel and practically running from the room.

"You could have been a lot nicer." I remarked, feeling a little bit of pity for the poor kid.

Tim raised his eyes skyward before turning them on me, arms crossed over his chest.

"I pulled a double and almost suffocated in a night club. Our relationship just got blown wide open, there's going to be all sorts of rumours going round about us, about you…"

"I'm a big girl Tim. It was going to come out at some point." I reminded him, busying myself with dumping the remainder of my clothes into the locker room bin.

I eyed my stilettos sadly before dumping them in the trash too. What away to end a night.

"I just don't want you being the subject of gossip, it's not fair. I like to keep my private life private and I know you do too." He reminded me, pointedly.

I growled before reaching forward and wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my face in his chest frustrated.

"Seriously, stop worrying about me. I know all you want to do is protect me but I am capable of dealing with things myself. You keep getting over protective and I'm gonna have to suggest a little space…" I warned him, face still pressed into his chest.

Tim let out a sigh before putting his hands on my shoulders and gently pushing me away so he could see my face.

"You have been through far too much, I don't want to lose you again." he spoke softly, his cheek rubbing against mine.

"I'm just saying you need to take it a little bit easier. I get what your doing and why, but I gotta be honest with you Tim, I'm a lot more used to being on my own than with someone. I was scared when I came out of UC that I wouldn't know how to react, or form another relationship but with you it just feels right and natural, like I don't have to hide things. I can just be me." I found myself explaining, drawing him close as Tim stroked my hair tenderly with his fingertips.

"I'll try and be a little less…over protective if you promise to start putting your toothbrush back in the appropriate cup, I bought you your own one for a reason, quit sharing mine." He mumbled, nuzzling my neck.

"If you keep doing that, those rumours about us having sex in the locker room are going to become true." I told him, my hands clutching his shirt tightly.

"Shit Kate, you have no idea the things I want to do to you right now." Tim told me huskily, his teeth grazing my throat making my body buck against him demanding.

I bit my lip as his tongue traced lazy circles up my throat. He moved against me, his hardness sending a jolt of pleasure through my body. God I couldn't hold on much longer, I needed him inside me. It was then I decided maybe it was time to pull away.

"OK, I'm saving us both here. I will leave now, but you owe me Speedle." I jabbed my finger him playfully before taking a few steps back trying to get my aching body under control.

"As soon as we get home you can do whatever you want with me." He informed me.

His eyes were watching my reaction as his hands strayed down to his belt buckle and began to undo it. I licked my upper lip before regaining control of myself.

"Going away now." I chimed before turning my back on him and making a run for the door.

A second later and all those rumours were going to become a reality.

* * *

For the first time ever I had total control of the Trace Lab and I relished it. I could do things my own way without Tim looming behind me bitching about how I was misplacing things. Horatio had set up a chain of evidence and Tim knowing the layout of the club helped with gathering the evidence. I was also aware that Horatio wanted to keep me as far away from the memories of the fire as possible, and being the new girl it made sense for me to stick to the lab.

Eric was already running the prints he'd found on the safe with the money missing. Part of that involved him interviewing the employees from the club and gathering their prints for comparison. A task, I was not jealous off. Him and Tripp were in for a painstaking three hours but I knew Eric had accepted the task because he knew that it was going to keep him occupied. The girl from the club Eric had been dancing with had been trampled to death in the rush to get out; he was subdued to say the least at the current moment.

"Hey, hot stuff; I've been hearing all sorts of interesting rumours about you today." Calleigh announced as she stepped into the Trace Lab.

My head darted up at the sight of her I found myself beaming. Calleigh always had a way of lighting any case she worked on, she was like a little breath of sunshine and I had to commend her for it, working on the job usually dulled people, it made them harder.

"Is it the one where we had sex in the locker-room or the one where she caught us making out? I even hear I apparently gave him a blow job in the janitor's closest upstairs." I informed her as she stepped up to the table, raising her eyebrows at my words.

Calleigh set down the box of evidence she was carrying and pushed it towards me.

"Speedle's all ready to bury Carrie; he's a tad sensitive at the minute. He doesn't like rumours." Calleigh informed me.

"Yea he's having a tough day. A double and then the fire…I got lost in the chaos and Tim…" I trailed off, pursing my lips together and studying the contents list of the evidence box.

"He is fiercely protective now that you guys are together; I've never seen anything like it before." She said warmly. "He smiles a lot more since you came back, it's nice to see him happy. It sounds strange but it feels like you gave him something back, a piece of himself."

"I feel like we haven't seen each other in ages Calleigh, I know I've been wrapped up with Tim…"

Calleigh held up her hand to silence me.

"It's not just you Kate I've been busy too, and it's understandable that you and Speed would want to reconnect especially after what happened to you." She paused as she started taking the evidence out of the box, pretending to be distracted. "Besides I kind of started to see someone." She added.

"Do tell Miss Duquesne, who is he? And how did you meet?" I questioned, her eyes sparkled as she raised her head.

"He's a Homicide Detective recently transferred over here from Narcotics. His name's John, he's tall, broad shouldered, charming. We had our first date on Saturday." Her face lit up as she spoke and I was glad that she was finding the time to be happy.

"I take it, it went very well?" I teased, looking at her pointedly before winking.

Calleigh's cheeks flushed red as she handed me a set of Crime Scene photographs inside a brown manila envelope.

"We made out in his car." She recounted a slight blush rising in her cheeks.

I couldn't help but giggle at her admission.

"Takes me right back to my high school days." I reminisced. "Seriously though Cal, we needed to hook up, I miss the girl talk and I wanna know more about this guy."

"Saturday's good for me." Calleigh chimed with a bright smile.

"I'm on call until six, but after that I'd love to grab dinner." I told her, as I flicked through the crime scene photos.

"Hey, did you know we found our dead bartender at the scene? It looks like he was stabbed, I've gotta head down to autopsy after I've given you some of these samples." Calleigh shared.

"Hey, you want me to run those samples and then set up the layout room?" I asked turning one of the pictures around to get a better look at it.

"That would be great. Is that ok?" Calleigh questioned.

"Yea sure, I'll leave the Mass Spec on while I do it."

"Hey, thanks Kate." Calleihg beamed as she started through the door.

"No problem Cal."

And what that she was out the door and skipping along to autopsy.

* * *

Yelina Salas was a very beautiful woman, and when the sun shone through the high rise windows of the Crime Lab it highlighted the ruby tints in her naturally curly hair. Her body was lean and conditioned, in her tailored cream suit, but it wasn't her body Horatio was focused on, it was the expression on her face as she watched Kate place each sample in the Mass Spec. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her jaw jutting out, a classic sign that she was repressing some sort of emotion and if he knew Yelina he knew that she was piecing things together. Then again he hadn't expected to be able to hide it from her for long.

It made him weary watching the two of women in close proximity. He was protective over them both but in very different ways.

Yelina…his relationship with her was complicated, more than he could ever imagine. He loved her, even before Raymond and her had been married. He'd managed to bury those emotions over the years but ever since Raymond's death the two of them had been drawn together again. Those old feelings, the ones he'd tried to bury had resurfaced and he knew that it was the same for her. As usual it was Raymond; or rather Raymond's ghost that was still standing in the way.

On the other hand he had Kate, despite her persistence that she wasn't his responsibility anymore, he was still fiercely protective of her. Raymond had damaged her in ways that Horatio himself found he could barely comprehend. It wasn't enough that he had wrenched her from her safer and more content life but he'd also used her physically too. Kate hadn't told him as much but he knew from the way she talked about Raymond, he could tell that there had been something else there.

As much as he wanted to keep the two women separate, he knew that that was going to be virtually impossible. The two were working together in a close environment, at some point they were bound to be working on the same case. He just had to hope the two of them stayed away form the only common ground the two of them had.

"Yelina…it's good to see you. What are you doing here?" Horatio asked lightly as he stepped up next to the Columbian woman.

"I came to ask if you wanted to grab brunch…" she paused, her eyes on Kate as she laid out the photographs on the table, looking completely at peace with the task.

"That's Kate Callahan right? Ray used to work with her; he never mentioned how beautiful she is."

"She doesn't hold a candle to you." Horatio remarked honestly.

"I'm not sure Ray thought so." Yelina bowed her head as she spoke before raising her eyes to Horatio.

"Ray…Ray was a complicated man, and I think you know that you and Ray Jr meant the world to him…"

"I know, I know…Sometimes I just wonder if the job became too much. The FBI tossed him away when his job was finished. It hit him hard when he had to go back to Narcotics." Yelina confided, watching the young woman on the other side of the glass.

"Do you…do you want to grab that brunch now?" Horatio asked trying to avoid the topic of Ray's sudden return to Narcotics.

Yelina nodded before smiling at Horatio.

"It's my turn to pay; you bought dinner the other night." Yelina informed him as Horatio rested a hand on the small of her back and guided her down the corridor towards the elevators and away from potential disaster.

* * *

The air even outside of the club still stunk of smoke and charred debris. It had been the first thing to assail his nostrils when he'd stepped out of the Hummer. He'd been working this scene over six hours now; he was tired and feeling pretty bitter towards the person who had set the club on fire.

His shift had practically turned into a triple, his eyes were aching like hell and he was staring at multiple piles of debris from different sections and rooms within the club. Speed wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his wrist. The sun was beaming down on him and he was clad in beige CSI overalls that clung to his body due to perspiration. He knew before the day was out he'd be taking another shower.

He pushed away thoughts of Kate naked under the hot jet stream and replaced them with the task at hand, finding the murder weapon. Someone had killed the bartender in the stock room, and that meant that the murder weapon was very likely to be amongst this. The initial problem was the fact the item that had killed the bartender was a broken bottle. The fire has pretty much decimated the entire bar area, but had left the store room almost untouched. It was possible the killer took it with him.

Speed weighed all the variables through his head before crouching down next to the pile from the stockroom and beginning to remove each individual piece of evidence from it.

The search was long and tiresome, and Speed found himself embroiled in memories from the night before. The fire laid siege to his mind, as he looked at each item laid out in front of him. He was remembering things, flames and smoke and chaos and amongst it all he remembered Kate. The aftermath, her moment of weakness, her fear…

The rear door to the club swung open, his head jerked up as it revealed Alexx, followed by two of the morgue techs wheeling the plastic black body bag towards the waiting van. The door swung back and clanged against the metal frame. Speed watched as it made the sharp metallic noise, squinting as he struggled to piece together the puzzle in his head.

"Timmy…" Alexx was by his side, standing over him and looking concerned.

"Are you alright?" she asked titling her head towards him.

Speed rose to his feet, his eyes never leaving the door as he bumped against the second door again.

"This door doesn't close." He stated fingering the panel and searching for a reason as to why.

"So…" Alexx prompted.

"So, that's how I was able to get out last night, a light was shining through the door I was the first person out of it. The door was already open, someone left it open so I could get out." Speed explained, his eyes falling on the bar that he'd touched the previous night. "The evidence would have evaporated by now due to the heat of the fire."

"You think it was the killer running away form the scene? You could have got blood on your hands." Alexx replied thoughtfully.

Speed's eyes fell to his hand, the one he'd touched the door with.

"I remember thinking this was hot… I put my sleeve over my hand when I pushed the door open." Speed recounted, his mind still fixed on the memory of the fire.

"Do you still have that shirt from the night of the fire?" Alexx inquired, diverting Speed's attention to her again.

Speed frowned trying to recollection his actions over the past twelve hours.

"That is a good question."

* * *

I was standing in the door way of the break room watching as Tim scurried through the trash he'd just tipped across the tiled floor. I tilted my head trying to determine weather he'd gone crazy for whether there was an actual reason behind his madness.

"You know if you needed lunch money I would have gladly handed some over." I remarked as he began to pile the trash back into the confines of the trash can.

"This is the fourth one I've been through so far." He declared straightening up and stepping towards me.

I took a step back holding my hands off to fend him off.

"You are not touching me until you wash your hands." I informed him.

Tim rolled his eyes, before quickly returning to the sink and turning on the tap.

"Hey do you remember what I did with the white shirt I was wearing last night?" he asked turning to me as he rinsed his hands of soap.

"I'm not sure I left before I saw what you did with it. I tossed my clothes in the locker room trash can." I reminded him.

Tim's head suddenly jerked up as if something had just occurred to him.

"You just saved me going through more trash cans." He revealed as he darted past me in the doorway and hurried down the corridor towards the locker room.

"You're welcome." I called after him.

"Wow Kate Callahan, I didn't think we'd be crossing paths again."

I felt the blood drain from my face, absolutely positive I'd mistaken the voice lingering in the corridor behind me. I whirled to found myself face to face with none other than Detective John Hagen. Calleigh's words ebbed through into my mind; he'd transferred over from Narcotics.

Shit.

"You ok? You look kind of ill. I just had to see if it was really you." He paused, his eyes taking in every single detail "You haven't changed at all Kate."

John was wrong, I had changed but he hadn't. He was still and lumbering with an almost intimidating air about him.

"You wanna get a drink and catch up on old times?" Hagen checked his watch. "I get off in a few hours and I hear your working overtime on a case at the minute."

I was starring at him now, slightly aghast, and very unsure of how to respond. I hadn't thought I'd ever see Hagen again after him and Ray was bumped back down to Narcotics. So to say I was surprised at finding myself face to face with him was an understatement.

"To be honest John, I'm afraid I don't." The words slipped out before I could stop them.

There was an awkward silence as I bowed my head and hung back a little. John's shadow cast over me as he took a step closer and into my personal space. I refused to be intimidated by his actions so I raised my head and met his gaze full on.

"Come on Kate, it's been a while, just a drink." Before I knew what was happening Hagen had reached out and was tucking a loose strand of hair back behind my ear, my own hand lashed out slapping his away.

"Don't do that, you don't have the right to touch me." I spat at him.

Hagen's eyes went steely. I didn't have to see his fist clenching to know that he was doing it. He took a step closer so our bodies were merely inches apart. His expression had turned stony and cold but I refused to back down. Backing down was a show of fear and I wouldn't be frightened of him,

"Is there a problem here?" A voice from behind me broke the tension between Hagen and me.

I turned my head to see Tim standing in the doorway, his expression tinged with fury as the shirt dangled from his hand. I knew what he'd seen, but Tim's eyes weren't on me, they were on Hagen.

"I was just leaving." Hagen's voice was hollow. I could feel his gaze on me but I turned my head away so I wouldn't have to meet his eyes.

"I'll catch you later Kate." Hagen muttered before turning on his heel and retreating down the corridor.

Tim's presence behind me was reassuring and when his hand enclosed on my shoulder, I leaned into him relaxing. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"You ok?" his tone was gentle as he turned me to face him with one hand.

I nodded as Tim's eyes followed Hagen down the corridor until he disappeared from view. His gaze strayed to my face, taking in my expression as if trying to decide something.

"You're scared." He said suddenly.

I pursed my lips, wrapping my arms around myself before replying.

"I'm angry and there's a difference between the two." I reminded him.

"Kate, what happened to you? What aren't you telling me?" Tim asked, narrowing his eyes and trying to decipher my emotions.

I bowed my head to shield myself from his prying gaze. My hair fell across my face. I felt awful because this kept happening; he was always learning bits and pieces. I was like a giant puzzle he was trying to out together and it was hard not just on me but on him too.

"It's Hagen's fault that I got made. He was selfish and I paid for it." I said quietly.

"He did what?" Tim asked brushing the hair back away from my face. He tilted my chin up to meet his eyes almost pleading. "Listen I know we can't talk here, but you need to tell me what happened. I want to help you, I need to help you. "

I rubbed my hands over my face feeling exhaustion beginning to set in. The emotional and physical strain beginning to catch up with me.

"I just need some time to pull myself together." I murmured. "The fire and now Hagen, I had no idea he was working here."

Tim's hand was rubbing my arm soothingly, as I shook my head still stunned.

"When we get home, you are going to tell me all about this." The command was there, underneath his softer tone.

He needed to know and I understood that. Tim was observant and he knew something wasn't right and I both adored and hated that quality along with his interrogation technique. He was good at what he did and he applied that to all aspects of his life, I knew no matter how much I tried I wasn't going to be able to avoid having this conversation.

At the same time I felt it would be good to get this off my chest. The events of that night were still hazy at best, but talking put things in perspective and pieces were put together in places you never knew they fit. Tim could help me make sense of things without judgment and part of me craved that. Keeping it a secret wasn't an option any more especially from Tim, he knew me better than I knew myself.

"Come on; let's take a walk to DNA." Tim offered.

His voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I looked at him properly for the first time since he'd arrived back from the scene. He looked tired, so bone achingly tired, I was wondering how he was even still standing.

"You know as soon as we get back home you are going straight to bed." I told him as we walked side by side down the corridor.

"I don't think I can make it to bed," he admitted as he pushed open the door to DNA.

I halted as he stepped through the doorway.

"This is why I bought you organic coffee." I reminded him.

"It's better for you than regular coffee but it still tastes like shit." He informed me.

I rolled my eyes at his exclamation.

"We have a few hours left on this case and you look like your about to drop dead from exhaustion." I smirked at Carrie who was making no attempt to mask the fact she was listening in on the conversation.

"So I will go make you a coffee and leave it in the break room for when you're finished up with your key piece of evidence." I told him in a low tone, just for the sake of agitating Carrie even more.

"Thank you." Tim muttered, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand.

"Hey, you can pay me back later." I whispered and with a wink I was off down the corridor in search of organic coffee.

* * *

Eric Delko was a bastard. Everyday the two of us battled for the shelf space that was rationed to our shift in the break room. I always tried to put my stuff on the lower shelf because it was the only one that I could reach, Eric took immense pleasure in moving my stuff to one of the higher shelves and watching me struggle to reach whatever item I was after.

Unfortunately for me he'd managed to get hold of the organic coffee and put it on one of the top shelves. I leaned against the work surface and reached for it, my fingertips brushed the canister but it was slightly too far for me to grasp it. I heard footsteps behind me and guessed it was Tim returning for his coffee, so I thought nothing of it when he reached against my body for the coffee, his fingers trailing along my scar as my top rose up because I was reaching.

"That's one big ass scar Kate." lips next to my ear murmured.

"Jesus fucking Christ." I erupted, shoving myself away form the counter and away form Hagen's body. "Don't you ever…"

"Cut the crap Kate I barely touched you."

"Will you back the hell off, I'm serious John."

"How'd you get it?"

"Get what?" I snapped.

"The scar Kate it looks nasty. If me and Ray had been watching your back you probably wouldn't have it."

"You don't know what you're talking about. "

"I know you're a selfish little bitch, as soon as you found out Ray was married you told the FBI and you got him bumped right back down to Narcotics, talk about a woman scorned."

"Yea Hagen that's what this is all about. You and Ray and your damn careers right, it doesn't mater that you almost got me killed that night."

"What the fuck are you talking about? What night?"

"I told Ray I thought I was being followed, now the only reason he would call a meeting on me was for something important. But that night was all about you trying to get me to hand over a Mob informant for your damn promotion. You know what that shows more John? That you had something on Ray and you used it so he'd get me there. You wanted that promotion so badly you'd risk anything to get it, even my life! You wanna know the real reason you two got your asses bumped back down to Narcotics?" I turned around and jerked up the hem of my short revealing the true extent of the scar that ran up my back. "Benito Genovese stabbed me twice in the back because he saw your badge, when you followed me into the street you still had your badge on display!"

Hagen at least had the decency to look somewhat horrified by my words.

"Kate…I didn't know…"

"I told you I was being followed and you pressurized Ray so you could get another informant under your belt for your god damn promotion. I confided in you John, when I found out Ray was dealing Meth, I told you because I thought you'd knock some sense into him but you used it and this scar that is the result of your actions." I jabbed my finger at his chest, my jaw clenched.

"Let me make this up to you Kate, show you how sorry I am."

"Sorry?! You think that you can make up for this?! I don't want you anywhere near me John unless it's to work a case. You got that?"

"Kate you're the only one who knows what we went through back then. You trusted me back then, the same way you trusted Ray. We had a connection. When Ray got branded a dirty cop, so did I, I lost my credibility and my reputation. You are not the only person that lost something when he died. I think we can help each other, I understand what you've been though because I was right there with you."

"You don't understand a damn thing Hagen. You weren't there at all. Ray was. You had a chance and you blew it when you used something I told you against me. I have someone now. Someone who loves me and understands exactly what I've been though. I'm warning you John, stay the hell away from me." I growled, before turning on my heel and marching from the room.

It occurred to me as I marched down the corridor what would happen when we worked a case together or worse the two of us with Calleigh.

* * *

The interrogation had been a means to an end, they already had the evidence in their hands but both Delko and Speed had been agitated as to the why. Too many people had been victims in the blaze and they needed answers to confirm their suspicions.

As it turns out Danny Maxwell was a three time loser. The MDFD had turned him down because nothing stood out on his record to recommend him. According to Danny all he ever wanted to be was a hero and it was that, that made him a criminal.

Tim inserted his key into the lock of Kate's front door. A key she had given him over a week ago, casually over dinner. It was an admission of her trust and there was no point in denying it now, the two of them were practically living together. Tim preferred it when they were at Kate's house. It felt like a home to him after a long day and hard shift, especially knowing he was coming home to her. He'd already moved some stuff over because the amount of time they spent there, and he found himself enjoying it when they went grocery shopping together. It was domestic; the way it should have been over the last six years. She was the only person he had ever envisioned settling down with.

After the case was wrapped up Horatio had sent her home early while he finished up the interrogation. He was aware Kate had been pulled into Horatio's office for a small chat about the rumors that were flying around about the two of them. Workplace romances were usually tolerated but sexual deviance in the lab was not. Kate had put Horatio straight before telling Tim she was heading home for a hot bath and would still be up when he got in. She knew they needed to talk, or rather she needed to.

The thing with Hagen this afternoon made him extremely agitated. The way Hagen's body had loomed over Kate, threatening her had struck a cord in his brain. Despite the fact he'd promised Kate he'd try and back off, seeing Hagen's larger frame imposing over her had made his blood pressure rise.

There was lamplight coming from the living room. The stereo was on playing the newest Maroon 5 album. He lingered in the doorway, his eye straying to Kate, curled up on the sofa, a novel in her hand. Yet it was her attire his eyes took in. A long forest green silk dressing gown wrapped around her slender frame, a sash tying it in place in the middle. The silk looked good on her and he imagined what it would feel like against his skin as he peeled it off her aching body.

"You're fantasizing again." Kate commented without looking up from her novel.

"That's because you're giving me something to fantasize about." He stepped into the room before taking up across from her, sitting on top of the sturdy mahogany coffee table.

"And you are pretending to concentrate." He informed her. "So put the book down and tell me what happened. Something happened between you and Hagen and I need to know what it was so I can figure out how to deal with it,"

"You don't need to deal with anything. Look it's a really long story…"

"I'd better get you a glass of wine then so you can tell me the whole nothing." He interrupted rising to his feet and moving towards the kitchen.

"You just wanna lower my inhibitions." She accused when he returned with a glass of chilled white.

"Yea because you need me to give you alcohol for that." He murmured pressed his lips to hers gently before withdrawing again.

It was hard for him not to just keep kissing those sensual lips but they needed to talk, he had to know what had transpired between her and Hagen. Kate took the wine from him and set the book down onto the side table as Tim sat down on the coffee table again.

"When Ray and I… When we were something…I found Meth in his jacket pocket." Kate paused taking a sip from the wine.

He knew she was closing private information. Information that would ruin more than one reputation including her own.

"It was a lot, I'm talking it was very likely that Ray was dealing...After I found the Meth, I found his family pictures well and that's when I realized he had a wife. So…I left. I took the Meth with me and flushed it when I got back to the Condo." Kate took a deep breath before raising her eyes to his.

"By that time Sully had moved me into the family Condo because he'd practically adopted me as his daughter. That was the most accepted I'd felt in a long time. Sully always made me feel welcome; I was always part of his family. "She explained before continuing.

"Anyway I was furious and upset…John was Ray's partner then. I called him; I told him what I found because I wanted him to help Ray. I thought he'd listen to John….It was around this time that I thought I was being followed. I knew there were a few people who weren't impressed with the fact that Sully had adopted me, especially his younger son Benito. He was positive I was after Sully's power; he thought I didn't deserve to be in the family because I wasn't part of Sully's flesh and blood. So he started to follow me."

Kate stared at the wine in the glass, before tipping her head back and gulping the rest.

"I told Ray I thought I was being followed, so there were no meetings unless it was something life threateningly important. Not long after that he called a meeting, I took risks to get there and when I got there, John was there with Ray. He wanted information from me on an informant from the Mob. He had a promotion coming up and if he had that informant under his belt then he'd get the job." Kate was shaking her head now frowning.

"Hagen had used the Meth against Ray to force a meeting with me, and when I realized that…I stormed out, he'd put my life at risk for a promotion. I was so angry. I remember making it into the street, and Hagen managed to grab hold of my arm and begged me for the information. He still had his badge on. It was summer so he wasn't wearing a suit jacket and anyone could see it. I remember thinking I was lucky, I told him to piss off and get his ass back in the building before somebody saw. I thought I was safe." Kate said quietly, she'd curled up into a ball now, her gaze focused off in the distance, her arms wrapped around herself. Tim moved to the couch, his arm wrapping around her shoulders as she leaned into him.

"I was back at the condo, it was early evening. Sully had this huge library and I loved curling up in front of the fire and reading. He had all the classics…" Tim could tell she was smiling.

She'd always loved to read. Anything from The Da Vinchi Code to whatever girly crap was due out.

The Mob had become her family for six years so she was bound to have happy memories. In situations like his it was hard to remember that the people you were spending your time with were the bad guys because you learned to care because you thought that they did.

"I was in the library when Benito entered behind me. I was wrapped up in the books; I was trying to figure out what to read next. I should have been paying attention to him. He was talking but I wasn't listening, I tuned in as he was telling me he knew who I was, he'd seen me on the street talking to that cop and I was going to pay for disgracing the family. He was behind me, I couldn't even protest. He stabbed me quick and with no warning. I remember the pain. A horrible immense pain that wouldn't subside. And then again, he stabbed me again." Kate paused trying to make sense of the fragments in her mind. "I remember the door opening and there were voices and people and blood. Lots of blood and pain. The pain wouldn't stop."

Tim's grip on Kate tightened as he listened intently, barely moving so not to alarm her.

"I remember waking up and there was this numbness and someone was holding my hand. It was Sully, I thought I was dead. I thought they knew, but when he looked at me I could see guilt, so much guilt. He told me he was sorry. He knew that Benito was jealous but he never thought he'd hurt me. He said I didn't have to worry anymore Benito was gone and he would never hurt me again."

"You ever find out what happened to him?" Tim asked.

Kate shook her head.

"Whenever I asked they always said it was taken care of." Kate tilted her head up so that her eyes met Tim's.

"I didn't kill him Tim; I think that they killed for me." Her eyes were haunted. "I think Sully covered up his son's death to protect me."

Her revelation seemed to stun her more than it shocked him. He'd heard the way she'd talked about the Mob, her second family. He knew that in Sully's eyes Kate had been the daughter he'd lost, and he was going to protect that no matter what the costs. Kate had been there more than his sons had been and the old man appreciated that. Family meant a lot to the Mob and Kate had been part of the family.

"The bloods not on your hands Kate, it's on theirs." Tim murmured, as his hand raked gently through her hair.

"I just wish I'd known that Hagen was going to start working here. It makes me so mad because I know John, he's not going to stop trying and it just makes everything more awkward. I feel like I should just let it go because it'll make him easier to work with. Then the other half of my brain is screaming he almost got you killed. I don't know what to do…" Kate looked up at him hopefully.

Tim's lips descended on her forehead before he looked down at her pointedly.

"I can't tell you what to do Kate; you'd hate it if I did." He murmured, kissing down her nose before finally capturing her lips.

"Not all the time." She remarked quietly.

Kate leaned in her lips brushing his gently. Tim's fingers caressed her jaw line before tracing the curve of her neck, his thumb rubbing over her collar bone underneath the collar of her dressing gown.

"I'm not wearing anything." She whispered against his lips as his hands slid down to the sash tied around her waist.

"I suspected as much." He murmured, against her neck as he kissed the smooth skin.

His tongue flicked across her skin as the dressing gown fell open. He gave an appreciative sigh as his eyes strayed all over her body, his hands following. Kate gasped as his skilled hands roamed all over her soft flesh.

Kate's hands were already undoing his belt. Tim was pulling his shirt off over his head, ignoring the buttons. He needed this now. The desperation, the fear and all the emotions surrounding the fire had caught up with him and he needed to feel her and touch her to make sure she was there. Kate was tugging at his underwear almost frantically; he raised himself off the sofa obliging her wandering hands already hard from the anticipation they'd been struggling with throughout the day.

As soon as his underwear was gone, Kate was sliding into his lap, straddling his hips. Her long legs on either side of him, her body was pressed against his. Her skin was hot under his touch and she was moaning and writing against him. His body was soaked with perspiration. His cock was hard and leaking, demanding entrance into her supple body.

Her mouth was on his, her tongue exploring it. Her hands were tracing the firm muscles of his chest as his hands grabbed her ass and yanked her against him. He rubbed his cock against her moist opening, cumming almost there and then, but he held back wanting to enjoy the sensation of her.

Kate was impatient and so was he. His mouth descended on her breasts now, his tongue teasing each nipple in turn as she maneuvered herself up and down, rubbing her slick wetness against him, His fingertips were digging into her skin as he moaned under her onslaught. She was driving him wild, in ways only she knew how. It had never been like this with anybody else, she knew every inch of him.

Her hands came to rest on his shoulders; he heard her deep intake of breath before she thrust downwards, taking the whole of him inside her. Tim's body bucked as he bit down on her shoulder to keep himself from screaming out loud. Kate arched against him and he could hear her whimpering, knowing that she wasn't going to last long.

Kate was taking complete control, moving above him, barely giving him enough time to recover before she sank down on him again and then again. His fingers trailed up her spine, his hand caressing the back of her neck as he stared into her eyes watching the expression of pure ecstasy on her face. He was trying to hold back but she was making it damn impossible. Being inside her felt so good, it gave him the sense of belonging and completeness that he'd spent his whole life craving.

"Kate…"he whispered breathlessly against her neck. "You're going to make me cum."

His name escaped her lips as he felt her body stiffen as she contracted around him. He watched the pleasure hit her and just watching her face pushed him right over the edge. The orgasm was powerful ripping through him as he clutched Kate tightly. She shuddered against him, her fingernails digging into his skin as he moaned out loud underneath her. He knew they'd both be sporting marks from it tomorrow.

Kate collapsed against him, completely spent.

"I love you." She whispered in his ear before resting her forehead on his shoulder.

Tim wrapped his arms around her, his hand smoothing her hair as he tilted his head back against the couch exhausted.

"I don't think I can move." She added.

Tim rested his cheek on top of her head before groping for the blanket she kept folded over the edge of the couch.

"I don't plan to." He muttered, as Kate withdrew herself from him.

He watched her as she rose to her feet and swept his shirt up from the floor before tugging it over her slender frame. He liked seeing her in his clothes especially the navy blue button up she was currently sporting. It fell to the tops of her thighs, just about covering her ass, the perfect length.

Tim tugged up his underwear before sprawling out on the couch, his heart thudding in his chest as he tugged the blanket over himself and gestured for Kate to take up residence next to him. He was already struggling to keep his eyes open when she climbed under the blanket next to him. Her back was pressed against his chest as he wrapped the blanket tightly around them both. He nestled closer against her welcoming body, his face tucked into her neck, his lips next to her ear.

"I love you Kate." He whispered.

She was in his arms safe and protected and that was all that mattered.

* * *

_**Howdy all, I am so sorry this has taken so long to write. RL is chaotic at the min**__**, I just passed my degree and I'm graduating in a few weeks. Also work just moved to new premises so I have tones of new shifts and it's worth the money until I find myself a new job. Add to this I'm moving back home piece by piece and you have a recipe for busyness. So I promise I will try to post more often I have a lot of storylines coming up so stick with me, I promise it will be worth it.**_

_**Special thanks to my wonderful beta Sunny, she's listened to ideas and helped me a thousand times over. Finding Kate wouldn't be half decent without her.**_

_**Of course thanks to all you readers and lurkers!**_

_Blue: lol you'll have to wait and see, The next few chapters are going to be a rollercoaster of things to come, I demand more oreos I'm down to one pack lol More you shall see hun!_

_Brown: lol it's the way things are done chica, if only I had a Speedle. I was giggling eating mint choc the other day. I want pancakes now! _

_Lapland: lol I was beginning to think I'd lost you. Lol I will buy you a Horatio! Lol I hoped you liked this chapter. Freaks and Tweaks is going to be fab I think._

_Eva: lol he is fab I love his sarcasm, I have a thing for guys like that. It's natural for her to have nightmares, it was a very traumatic time in her life and she can't talk about it much. Thankies, I always chuck in little bits like that._

_Mauveine: lol OMG I am stupidly irrational sometimes. I wanted to show how UC still sticks with her, it's always going to be a part of her past but she does need to learn to let go a little. Tim likes being domestic, to him their relationship is the way it was before she left. I wanted to add little bits and pieces so it makes you think wow he does still know her. Lol they are both egotists sometimes and I think the way they would have started was conflicting. Thankies for your kind words, I love getting your reviews!_

_Maddy: lol ch12 was accident I added the same chapter twice. Lol that's it she'd stuck with him now at least for a while._


	13. Chapter 13: Freaks And Tweaks

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Freaks and Tweaks

_There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming, confusing  
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
Controlling ,I can't seem_

To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
Without a sense of confidence

_I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure_

_Linkin Park – Crawling_

The white curtain was bellowing in the breeze from the open window as the sun shone into the room and cascaded across the cream sheets of the bed. Speedle turned onto his side, propping his head up on a pillow to watch Kate as she slept peacefully beside him. She lay on her stomach; the sheets bundled below her waist, her arm rested on the pillow near her face, her body angled towards him. Her chocolate coloured, silky hair fell over one of her closed eyes as she breathed in. It was moments like this that reminded him why he'd fallen in love with her in the first place.

It was rare that she slept so peacefully. He was used to her bolting up right in bed, the whimpering, and of course the cold sweats. He always tried to be there during the night; he despised the thought of her enduring it alone. She never tried to make him stay, but he saw the anxiety in her eyes. He was glad they'd survived a relatively peaceful night; it meant things were getting better. Without therapy he wasn't sure they would.

The nightmares terrified her more than anything in reality ever could, her memory was always fragmented and she could never piece the puzzle together. Sometimes it was from the stabbing, others…she refused to tell him. No matter what happened in her dreams Kate never opened her mouth and screamed the way most people did.

Outside she always kept up a front, she was always the tough, eager to learn CSI, but at night it was a completely different story. He admired that mask she concocted because he knew how hard it was to keep up and she had the art of shielding her emotions and thoughts down to a pat.

Kate let out a blissful sigh before she rolled completely on her side, hands tucked underneath her smooth cheek as she snuggled against his chest. Her nose tickled his throat as his hand ran through her hair, cradling her head softly to him.

Speedle remembered their lazy Sundays together in Columbia and realized he'd never been as happy as he was now. The two of them had grown up a lot in the past six years, their relationship was matured and there was no possibility of either of them ever taking things for granted the way they once had.

Speedle's hand slipped through Kate's hair and caressed down the pearl coloured night dress, it felt glorious under his touch. His fingertips traced patterns along the hem of the skirt and along Kate's thigh. He could never get over this side of her, she looked practically virginal clad in that night dress and that gave him shivers up his spine. Kate mumbled under her breath, Tim's lips brushed her hair line gently. She felt so good in his arms and everything about her just felt right.

There was a sudden noise piercing the peacefulness of the room. It took him a second to realize that it was his phone, he'd flicked it on vibrate last night when he'd carried Kate to bed from the couch. Speed rolled onto his back, his hand flaying out and snatched up the phone, he blinked a few times to clear his blurry eyes before reading the display.

Dispatch.

Speed sighed wearily before glancing down at Kate one last time.

It wasn't fair to wake her. He pressed his lips to her forehead lightly before removing himself from the bed and flicking the phone open to listen to the voice on the other end of the line.

"Yea, I'll be right there."

* * *

The Crime Scene was an abandoned barn on the outskirts of the Everglades. The wooden panels were mismatched and irregular. It looked like a death trap.

Tim stared up at the shabby building as he exited the back seat, analysing the situation and running a mental risk assessment. Although it looked like it would probably fall to pieces over their heads, the foundations were strong so they were in no immediate danger. His eyes strayed to the patrol car in front of them as Horatio and Eric closed their own respective doors.

"What do we have?" Horatio asked as he strode towards Tripp.

The older man was leaning against the patrol car; sun glasses shielding his eyes form the harsh Miami sun. His arms folded over his chest as he regarded the CSI's as they stepped towards him and the two patrol cops nearby.

"Guy lives in a barn," Tripp informed them, straightening up before jerking his head towards the building. "White male, bound with duct tape."

"You been in yet?" Tim asked, his gaze straying to the two uniforms flanking either side of Tripp.

One was a girl he thought he recognized, her long chestnut hair was tied back away from her face, her almost grey eyes were tinged with blue as she gave him a friendly smile.

He shrugged off the fleeting familiarity and turned his attention back to the conversation. Tripp's eyes were on him, frown etched on his features as peered at Speedle over the rim of his sun glasses.

"Shouldn't you be getting on in after them?" Tripp questioned, nodding in the direction of the barn, chewing his gum between words.

Tim turned his head to see Delko and Horatio already striding towards the barn purposefully, kits in hand as they went. Speedle took off after them, Tripp beside him keeping pace as he took long strides up to the building.

"You finished making eyes at that girl cop now?" Tripp growled quietly as they neared the barn.

"I wasn't making eyes." Tim stated as they drew up just outside of the wooden structure.

Tripp's hand enclosed on Speedle's bicep, jerking him backwards, and swinging him around to face the Texan's furious gaze. Speed met Tripp's eyes evenly, waiting for the berating to begin.

"Now listen to me Lab Boy. I happen to have an affection for Kate, she's practically one of my own, and if I see you making eyes at any other girl besides her again, you're gonna find your ass stranded out in the Everglades somewhere, are we clear?"

"Look Tripp, I will tell you this once and only once. I would never do anything to hurt Kate. Not after everything she's been through."

There was silence between the two men before Tripp nodded his agreement and released Speedle's arm. Tim exhaled deeply seeing Tripp wasn't quite finished.

"It better stay that way Speedle otherwise you're gonna have me to deal with me." Tripp jabbed his finger at Tim's chest while he spoke.

Speedle stood his ground, rolling his eyes at the motion and Tripp's expectations of him.

"Get in line right behind Horatio, you can dig up my corpse and piss on it, how does that sound?" Tim snapped before using his right hand to shove the door open. "You going in or are we gonna stand out here chit chatting?"

Tripp marched past the other man, leaving Speed to shake his head in resignation.

The moment the two of them stepped into the crime scene they became astute professionals; thoughts of private lives ran out the window. Their gazes were analytical as they took in the state of the room, taking in every inch of detail there was.

Natural sunlight drifted through the tall windows, showering patches of the room with its brightness. The grainy floor boards looked barely stable as they tread lightly across it, their footsteps echoing through the spacious room. Wires were tossed everywhere along with broken TV sets, radios and match sticks. The signs were there before Speedle even looked at the drug in the bath tub.

"Yellow powder on the bath tub, Meth Amphetamine." Tim remarked to himself, leaning over the tub, studying the contents with a detached interest.

"Cocaine high, no off button, people stay up on it for fifteen days straight." Horatio added.

The red head had taken up position at the bottom of a rickety looking stair case. Speedle followed Horatio's watery blue eyes to the main highlight of the room, the one he was saving for last.

The body was in the centre of the room, bound and gagged in duck tape, the Tweaker's lank blond hair was hanging over his face, blood streaked the coarse dirty blond colouring. The duct tape had been wound around the body and was the only thing keeping it in place as it drooped in the splintered chair.

Delko was lingering along the edge of the room, snapping off pictures with the crime scene camera, taking in everything that had any relevance to the case. Speedle simply stood there memorising every aspect of the sense in front of him, he had a bad feeling and he couldn't shake it.

"Tweakers just tweak stuff until they drop don't they?" Tripp said out loud as he studied the body intently, arms crossed over his broad chest.

Speed tilted his head seeing something marring the Tweaker's greasy hair. He pulled a face realizing what the strange substance was, someone had spat on Vic.

"It looks like someone beat the crap out of him." Speed retorted at Tripp's comment before taking a swab for DNA off the spit.

The stairs creaked as Horatio and Eric ascended them slowly, taking care to test each step before adjusting their full weight to it. Speed didn't trust those stairs or this building one bit, there was a dangerous feel to the place, he wasn't sure whether it was because of the mass chemicals all piled together in the bathtub, or something else entirely.

Clothes were scattered across the stairwell and the landing, Speed heard the sound of a bottle being accidently kicked and Horatio murmuring something in a low tone to Horatio as they continued across the wooden slats.

"You think they lived here?" Tripp asked his forehead creased in thought.

Speed shook his head.

"I think they tweaked here." Tim told him, as he peered at something sticking out of the head wound of the body.

It looked like wood.

"Everybody run!"

Tim didn't think twice, he was already moving towards the door of the barn, throwing it open and blinding himself with the sunlight that flushed across his face. Tripp was seconds behind him, pushing him further ahead as they raced towards the shelter of the Hummer and the squad car.

"Run!" Tripp screamed at the two uniforms just inside of the perimeter.

No questions asked the uniforms were already rushing to the nearest port of cover.

Suddenly the earth was shaking; there was nothing to hold onto as his feet slipped from under him. He hit the ground hard feeling the wind rush out of his lungs as red hot heat seared over his body. The noise was horrendous, he put his hands over his ears to drown it out, but it was still there, loud as ever. He squeezed his eyes tightly closed, trying to block out the fact his body felt as if it were on fire. Then within seconds it was over. He was simply lying on the dusty ground trying to regain his breath.

Around him huge chunks of the building were raining down upon them, wood clattered on the solid ground. Debris was in the air coming to settle and rest upon them. Speedle found himself coughing hoarsely as he rolled on to his side trying to catch a glimpse of everyone else.

"Jesus…" Tripp was cursing now from somewhere nearby.

"Everyone ok?" Horatio called out as Tim tried to shift himself into a sitting position.

Speedle's head was between his knees as he took huge lungfuls of air, trying to regain control of himself.

Horatio's shadow was cast over him as he raised his eyes to the red haired detective. His heart was racing in his chest and he knew it was the adrenaline coursing through his veins. He nodded his response to the question, hand over his mouth still coughing.

Delko was sitting across from him doing the same; their eyes met as Delko's laboured breathes became clearly visible. He was expecting judgement from Speedle, a sign he wasn't cut out to be a CSI. Megan's words had cut the young CSI before she'd left, but Megan was wrong. Eric had the passion and the professionalism to go the distance.

Speed's lips pursed together framing a grim smile. As he put a hand over his heart, feeling it beginning to slow down to it's once regular beat.

Delko recognized the motion and nodded at Speed with a thankful expression, sometimes it paid to show a little weakness in front of your colleagues, especially when they were in the same boat.

* * *

The call had come not long after I'd found the note Tim had left on the pillow. I'd lay there basking in the warmth left over from his body heat until my phone had erupted with the same familiar ring tone I used for dispatch.

The crime scene was littered all over with pieces of debris and a thick layer of dust, the main structure of the barn had collapsed upon it's self after the initial explosion. It was going to be a hell of a job dismantling it.

Thankfully though Dispatch had reported no causalities.

The stench of chemicals was in the air, leaving me to wonder had this been an accident or something more malicious.

I was standing next to the Hummer, Crime Kit in hand. My hair was tied back in a simple pony tail to keep it out of my face whilst I worked. My sunglasses were perched on my face as I took in the mess that was the Crime Scene in front of me.

Tim was sitting on the ground, next to the Hummer they had arrived in. his arms were resting on his knees, his hands clasped together. He was staring at the broken wreckage of the building, as I took careful footsteps up to him, my hand rest on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.

"You ok?" I asked quietly, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Yea, we got out on time." He spoke in a low voice, his eyes never leaving the building.

His hand came up to meet mine, his fingers trailing across my knuckles as he let out a deep sigh. He raised his head to look up at me, squinting against the glare of the sun.

"I'm ok." He murmured before clearing his throat and focusing on something in the distance.

"Your gym buddy is over there, I didn't realize she was a cop. She's pretty shaken." Tim told me pointing in the direction of the patrol car in between us and the scene.

I frowned, following the direction of his finger.

A female patrol cop was leaning against the hood of the blue and white car. Her arms wrapped around her body; there was a slight tremble to her slender frame as she stood there, eyes wide, her face ashen.

"You may wanna…"

"Are you…" we spoke at the same time, before Tim pursed his lips together with a small smile.

"Go." He urged.

"Promise you won't start digging through the wreckage with out me?" I pouted.

Tim snorted as he climbed to his feet.

"You got my overalls back there?"

"In the back of the Hummer…" I threw him the keys, which he caught easily.

"No having fun without me." I called over my shoulder as I took off towards the patrol car

Tim rolled his eyes in response to my comment.

"I'm going to be sifting through a crime scene here, not getting naked." He retorted before opening the back of the Hummer.

I found myself smirking before I took off my sunglasses and I strode towards the vulnerable looking girl, propped up against the patrol car.

Autumn glanced up as my shadow fell across her path, shivering as she rose her eyes to mine. At first she didn't recognize me but as the shock wore off she finally spoke looking vaguely confused.

"Kate?" she murmured.

"Hey, how are you doing?" I said softly, perching next to her against the patrol car.

"Not good…My hands, they won't stop shaking." She mentioned, reaching out to show me her trembling hands, panic in her face.

"Its shock," I informed her. "Just take deep breaths and ride it out."

I rubbed her arm sympathetically as she bent over taking long breathes.

"One minute it was just there, and the next all the guys are running out and screaming at us to run. I hit the ground when the place exploded." Autumn spoke in a rush, eager to make me understand.

"I take it this is your first explosion?"

Autumn bowed her head.

"It gets better, but you can never really shift the shock, it happens to us all." I reassured her, watching as Horatio and the Head of the Bomb Squad spoke.

"Everyone else seems to be dealing with it fine. Lieutenant Caine was back on his feet in an instant, making phone calls to the Bomb Squad." Autumn said, straightening up.

"Horatio is an exception, I doubt anything shocks him anymore as for the others…" my eyes strayed to Tim as he started pulling the overalls up over his clothes. "They're just a little more seasoned than you."

"That's your boyfriend." Autumn observed, as I tore my gaze away from Speedle.

Boyfriend had never seemed to be the right term in order to describe our relationship, but I refrained from using anything as corny as soul mate or partner out loud. So I settled with boyfriend for now.

"Yea it's usually him picking me up from the gym because I'm too tired to walk the extra mile." I snickered.

"It is a nice bike though, Mike's all about his convertible." Autumn said, rolling her eyes playfully.

"That's because Bernstein was an eligible bachelor before he met you." I reminded her.

Bernstein and Autumn had hooked up a month ago after bumping into each other at a Crime Scene, she was a observant young girl with a Masters from Chicago. As soon as they met sparks had flown, and now the two of them were exclusive. Bernstein had admitted to me in the break room the other day, he was overwhelmed by his feelings for Autumn, she was his ideal woman and he never had to worry about the job getting in the way of their dates.

Ever since John Hagen had returned Bernstein and I had been spending a hell of a lot more time together on cases and I appreciated that, we'd become friends now, and it had been a shock for us both to discover that the girl I'd met and worked out with at the gym was in fact his girlfriend.

Mac Taylor had always said everything was connected.

"Your boss is waving you over." Autumn remarked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I raised my head to see Horatio gesturing for me. I guess the Bomb Squad had cleared the scene and deemed it safe.

"I'll catch up with you later ok?" I said to Autumn as I started towards Horatio.

"Yea, thanks Kate." She called after me as I took off to find out my next task.

* * *

The sun was beaming down on us from its high point in the sky, it was mid afternoon and we were still standing amongst the huge pile of debris in which used to be our Crime Scene. I wiped the sweat off my forehead with the back of my wrist as I bent down; clad in beige crime scene overalls to move more of the wood.

Speedle was working not too far away from me, shifting, bagging and tagging. He had seniority and had decided after the body was removed that we'd move from the middle of the debris outwards.

"What I don't get is that if you're trying to destroy evidence why not put the device down next to the body?" I spoke loud enough for Tim to hear across the site of wreckage.

"The bomber wasn't trying to destroy evidence, he rigged it for kicks, and destroying evidence was just a bonus." Speedle told me as he chucked some of the planks into a growing pile.

"Got the bathtub here." I called out as I pulled a huge sheet of metal out of my way.

It slipped from my grasp, cutting straight through the latex glove and into my palm; I let out a yelp of pain as the sheet slipped from my hand, clattering to the ground. I cupped my hand quickly trying to stem the bleeding so not to contaminate the crime scene.

"Kate?" Tim was by my side instantly, turning my palm over to get a better look at the wound.

"It's just a cut, it surprised me." I said honestly, watching as the blood dripped onto my uninjured hand.

The cut was deep; the metal had sliced through the centre of my left palm. It wouldn't need stitches but it would bleed for a while.

"There's a bottle of water and a med box in the back of the Hummer, rinse it out thoroughly and then use the antiseptic wipes. We don't want it to get infected or to contaminate the crime scene." Tim was in full professional mode, which meant the crime scene was priority and it exemplified our ability to work together.

I cradled my hand to my chest so the blood wouldn't drip onto the remainder of the scene before making a break over the debris for the Hummer.

* * *

Tommy Lee was a Tweaker with severe paranoia and an antsy disposition. Watching him squirm under Horatio's gaze made me smirk. Horatio was a formidable opponent at the best of times, unfortunately for Tommy Lee, he'd just tweaked before Tripp had pulled him in so he was nowhere near the top of his game. In fact he was tripping out so badly he thought the shadow men was chasing him, which was somewhat amusing when Horatio decided to use that against him.

Horatio had left with some interesting information, Darwin had been beaten to death with a pool cue by a Tweaker called Chaz, it had been him who rigged the bomb up to the building. Tommy Lee had also said something about a girl, and given us a location.

It was nightfall and we were all clad in black bulky jackets with CSI printed on the back in white lettering. I checked my gun for third time tonight, already knowing I was ready to go, the truth was it was a diversion to stop me doing what I really wanted to do, I was aching to check Speedle's gun.

Tim's raised his eyes to mine as he jerked the zipper up of his black latex jacket up to his chin. His eyes strayed downwards and a small smile spread across his features.

"Here, Let me fix your collar." He murmured, reaching it and adjusting it for me.

His fingertips brushed my throat gently before he tugged it out of my shirt, and folded it back into the correct position.

"I cleaned my gun Kate." He whispered, tapping his finger on the tip of my nose.

I wrinkled my nose at the gesture as I let out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"You have the uncanny ability to read minds you know that." I said, pulling my loose hair out of the jacket and tying it back with the hair tie on my wrist.

Tim's fingers were on the zipper of my jacket, we were standing inches apart, his face leaning in close to mine as I finished securing my hair.

"Just make sure you stay in one piece ok?" he muttered, pulling the zipper up, just under my chin making sure the jacket was fastened firm, and secure.

"I have done this before you know." I mumbled, masking nerves with grumpiness.

"I'm not babying you, I'm just expressing a concern." He pointed out, his lips centimetres from mine as he brushed a stray strand away from my face.

"An unfounded one." I said, letting my arms wrap around his neck.

Tim's lips were caressing mine gently, the kiss wasn't goodbye, it was a casual I'll see you later. He trusted me not to get my ass handed to me. Tweakers were unpredictable at best, so the situation we were in had the potential to be dangerous, although it was somewhat unlikely. Just in case we had SWAT backing us up.

Tim drew away as Delko appeared around the side of the Hummer, seeking us out.

"You two ready to go?" he asked, nodding at us both.

I glanced at Tim, with a small smile, feeling butterflies in my stomach.

"I'll have your back the entire time." He reassured me, catching sight of the anxious expression on my face.

The truth was it had been a while since I'd been in on a raid, although it was exhilarating it was also entirely nerve wracking.

The caravan complex was large, and covered an expanse of land. We were standing at the beginning of it all, amongst numerous SWAT members taking in the sounds, the sights and the smells.

"That's a lot of electricity," Tripp remarked from along side me.

"Time to shut it down." Horatio stated, his hand enclosing on the generator handle.

I slipped my gun out of the holster, knowing everybody else around me was doing the same. My heart was thudding against my rib cage.

"The trick here is to let SWAT do most of the work and keep your eyes open." Tripp instructed his voice low and directed at me.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves before Horatio grasped the handle and flicked the switch.

All hell broke loose…

But it ended in our favour; fourteen drugged up Tweakers were no match for twenty plus police officers, especially when the majority of those were members of SWAT. Within minutes the junkies had been rounded up and were standing in a long line hands on their heads.

"Kate, Eric I want you searching the inside of these trailers. Speed I'm gonna need you out here to take some samples." Horatio ordered quietly.

The three of us marched back to the Hummer to collect our kits and begin the search for the missing woman.

* * *

The raid had gone well, there were zero causalities and very little resistance to the SWAT team when they had scattered their way in teams through the trailer park. Yet there was still the missing girl to be found.

While Kate and Delko were searching trailers on the east side of the park, Frank and his men had taken the west, the two groups would meet in the middle for any sign of news regarding the girl and anything else they found along the way.

Narco was overlooking this one, with limited man power and budget cuts they were happy to Horatio take the lead on this one.

There had been traces of saliva and mucus in the hair of the vic, indicating that someone had spat on him before he'd been murdered. Speedle was standing in front of the long line of Tweakers, feet apart, feeling very unimpressed with the state of them. The majority of them were high and the rest were probably coming down from being so high, yet the group were as docile as children. Usually there was at least one aggressor in the bunch but they were all seemingly passive which was surprising.

The swabs were in his hands prepped and ready.

"Gentlemen put out your left hand, palm up and open your mouths." Horatio commanded.

The junkies did as they were told. Speedle stepped up and inserted his swab into the mouth of the first one, then the second, third and fourth. It was when he reached the fifth he encountered a problem.

The Tweaker with the buzz cut had his mouth firmly clamped shut, his eyes were wide and his gaze was full of contempt for Speedle as the other man looked back.

"Open your mouth." Speedle commanded.

The Tweaker's eyes narrowed; there were beads of sweat running down his forehead. He was definitely tripping out; there was blood on the Tweaker's busted lip. Speedle guessed he'd got into a scuffle with another Tweaker a little before they had been raided. Speedle let out a small, irate sigh.

"We can do this the hard way or the easy way, it doesn't matter to me, but either way this swab is going into your mouth." Speed informed the Tweaker, who was now just looking full out wild eyed.

The Tweaker opened his mouth. Speedle took the swab and swiped around the inside of the Tweakers mouth.

"See that wasn't so…"

Speedle roared at the sudden pain as the Tweaker sunk his teeth into the muscle of his hand, just below the thumb. He tried to yank his hand away but the Tweaker had a firm grasp, instead he did the next best thing, he punched him straight in the face with his left hand. The Tweaker's head reeled right back as his knees buckled, Speedle felt the tearing of his own flesh as it happened. The feeling made his stomach roll. He was aware on some level that he'd probably just made things a hell of a lot worse. The pain in his hand was incredible and when he looked down at the wound his head span and he felt as if he was going to be sick.

Cops were swarming over the Tweaker now as he bucked and struggled beneath them screaming incoherently.

The muscle of his hand was on display to the world, and the wound itself was leaking blood. Somehow the bastard had managed to get through the latex of the glove. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the wound; he froze simply staring at it and enduring the agony that came along with it.

Horatio was talking now, guiding him somewhere, up and into a trailer he thought. He couldn't focus the pain in his hand too great and the blood, Jesus there was so much blood. He was concerned that the bastard may have damaged some of the tendons because he couldn't clench his fist. They were at a sink now and Horatio was turning on the taps. Steam was raising form the sink in the trailer; Speed took a deep breath to steady his trembling knees as Horatio took his hand, careful not to touch any of the blood.

"I'm sorry Speed, this is going to hurt but it needs to be done."

For a minute Tim was confused, he didn't understand what Horatio was apologizing for until the older man grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip and plunged it under the scalding hot water.

Tim's body buckled under the pain, it hit him so hard he wanted to throw up. His stomach wretched and he had to bit his lip hard enough to draw blood trying to keep himself from screaming.

Horatio was talking again, his voice calm and soothing as he rubbed the other man's back with his free hand. Speedle couldn't hear the exact words over the continuous roaring in his ears, just snatches.

A slim hand appeared in his view, there was another voice talking softly as a green med kit was handed to Horatio. The hand replaced Horatio's on his wrist as his boss routed through the medical box digging through it for something else. Speedle didn't know what and he didn't care, he was grinding his teeth together against the throbbing pain of the boiling water as purging the blood from his skin.

"Hold him steady, this is gonna hurt Speed…But it's for the best." Horatio was undoing the lid off a bottle of rubbing alcohol.

"Tim, look at me." Her voice was firm; he twisted his head seeing Kate standing right there in front of him.

It was her that was holding his hand under the water now. Her mouth was set in a grim line as her eyes took in his ashen face.

Then suddenly his whole arm was in utter agony, the scream slipped out of his mouth almost unwilling as the immense fiery pain that rushed through his hand. Kate's arm wrapped around his waist pulling him closer against her, trying to provide a form of comfort against the anguish.

There were tears glistening in Tim's eyes, his free hand was clutching Kate's jacket, balling it up with a tight fist trying to get a ride out the stinging pain. He buried her face in the shoulder of her jacket, biting down on the material to stifle each antagonizing sob that wracked his body.

"It's ok Tim…" her words were there, her lips pressed to his ear as she tried to comfort him.

It was nothing compared to the pain but at the very least it was reassuring. Her voice was making him calmer, more rational. He ground his teeth against the pain, trying to take deep breaths. His hand was throbbing, pulsating from where the skin had been torn off. Kate's hand slipped from his arm and wrapped around his waist.

He swallowed hard, as his hand was tilted palm up and something cool laid over the wound. He raised his head from Kate, his eyes still red raw and wet as he watched Horatio carefully wind the gauze around his hand.

"Speed, Eric's going to take you the hospital. You need to get that looked at and they'll have to run a few tests." Horatio said quietly.

The implications were there, just unspoken floating in the air.

Speedle nodded cradling his hand close to his chest, shielding it with his other one. His gaze strayed to Kate whose arms were crossed over her breasts, an encouraging, smile on her face. It didn't meet her eyes.

"I'll come see how you're doing when you get back to the lab." Kate told him, rubbing his arm gently.

Speed bowed his head before nodding his reply, his face was pale and he was still shivering as he stepped towards Delko as he waiting patiently in the doorway.

* * *

The labs had been bristling with gossip for over two hours now and I was finding it hard to ignore the intense feeling of concern that washed over me. Already three lab techs including Carrie had asked me about Speedle and had seemed moderately surprised when I said I didn't know. Hell I was pissed off by the fact I didn't know.

The girl, or Suzie, had been found hidden in a hole under a dog house. It had been Horatio's thoughtful insight that had found her. As the only female present I was left to sit with Suzie and Horatio while he conducted an interview.

As usual Horatio reached out a hand to help her and we had a testimony that would hopefully put Chaz away. His rambling about Ray had seriously pissed of not just me but Horatio also, watching the interview I'd been surprised to see Horatio lose his control the way he did.

I narrowed my eyes as Carrie swung by a second time, her eyes searching my office for any sign of him. It was aggravating to have to sit here like this, waiting. I checked my watch; it was coming to over three hours now. I knew the ER's were usually busy on a Friday night but the absence of information made me irate and restless, yet being here and analysing the evidence made me feel productive.

Unfortunately after two hours of going through the evidence from the trailers and listening to Chaz spew out various random half truths about Ray and his connection to Meth, Horatio had put me on the manuscripts from Chaz's diary.

Hence why I was sitting in my office across from Calleigh's empty desk, rubbing my tired eyes and checking my watch every few minutes. Usually I would have found the task of learning more about Ray through a Tweaker's eyes enthralling but in these circumstances it was merely a distraction, one that clearly wasn't working. I heard the door open as rubbed my hand over my eyes, the scent of coffee flooded the air and I admired Tim's thoughtfulness.

"How's the hand?" I murmured tilting my head back on my chair and keeping my eyes closed.

His fingers brushed through my hair as I yawned noisily and opened my eyes. The sight shocked me so much I jolted in my chair, knocking the coffee that had been set down on my desk all over the manuscripts. I cursed as it splashed across my lap staining the bottom of my white shirt and the top of my pants. Thankfully it had been luke warm.

Hagen was beside me in an instant, dabbing at my abdomen and navel with a handkerchief from his pocket.

"Will you stop that?" I demanded, snatching the handkerchief from his hand and wiping myself off, before picking up the soaking manuscripts. "You better be god damn thankful that this is a copy other wise I'd have your ass for tampering with evidence." I seethed, tossing the manuscript in the trash.

"I was trying to make up…" I cut him off, shaking my head at him as his hanky followed the manuscript into the trash.

I rose to my feet standing in front of him hands on my hips.

"Coffee can not make up for what you did John," I snapped, jabbing my finger at him.

"How about tickets to Madam Butterfly and dinner, and that's just for starters." Hagen offered with a confident grin.

I stared at him, utterly dumb founded before managing a response.

"Stop it, just stop it. Nothing you can do can make up for getting me stabbed. Do you even understand what I went through… Life threatening surgery and intense physiotherapy, oh and the fear that I'd just got made!" I exclaimed, massaging my temples feeling a tension head ache coming on.

Hagen crossed his arms over his chest as he spoke, his eyes defiant.

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry Kate? What can I do to make it up to you. Tell me, I will do anything you want, just tell me." He pleaded with a sulky expression on his face.

That was it I lost my temper.

"Nothing you do will ever be enough John, you can say sorry and buy all the things you want but there isn't a chance in hell that I can ever forgive you…DO you know what it feels like to have a knife slice through your skin, to be so scared you can barely breath because you can feel all the blood draining out of your body. I thought I was going to die John and I would have if the Mob hadn't saved me. SO you can take your tickets and your dinner and coffees and shove them because all of this means nothing to me." I snarled.

"Is this about Speedle? You won't see me because Speedle won't let you?"

I stared at him incredulously; my body was moving on its own accord as I marched to the door and tore it open.

"This isn't about Tim, Hagen this is about you trying to force yourself into my life over and over again. You made your bed now lie in it." I snarled before pointing in the direction of the open doorway.

"Kate…"

"Just leave me alone John, and learn to stay away from me." I warned him.

"Your making a mistake Kate, you know that? That lab rat can't understand what happened back then, nobody can."

"Save the shit John, I've heard it all before, at the end of the day it doesn't really matter because it's none of your concern. Tim and I go back, way back, before I met you or Ray, and at the end of the day it's my business not yours. So do me a favour and get the fuck out of my office." I was practically shouting now, heads were turning towards us but I didn't care, Hagen stood his ground.

"Don't make me call security John. It won't do anything to better your reputation."

"You know what I don't understand Kate is the way you came out of all this, I'm being hailed as a corrupt cop and your being worshipped by the media as a regular American hero, where's the justice in that?" Hagen retorted.

"The justice huh? How about the fact I gave up my life for six years while you and Ray sat on your asses kicking back with your friends and family."

"You didn't have family Kate that's why you appealed to the FBI. You were the perfect candidate, all you had was one crappy boyfriend, who you ditched to go U.C, just like Ray said you would. You think Speedle's gonna stick around second time around, people don't forgive that easily Kate and one day he'll wake up and realise your not what he remembered and toss you away."

I heard the loud crack bellowing through the silent office before I felt the hot stinging sensation in my right hand. Hagen's head turned under the force of my slap connecting with his face.

Hagen put a hand to his cheek before turning to stare at me stunned; it took him a second to recover before his face turned into a mask of pure fury. I stood there staring at him surprised at myself and the massive rush of fierce hate I felt towards him. I didn't lose my temper to like this. I rarely lashed out.

"Don't talk about Tim like that; you don't know him John, not like I do." I drew a shaky breath trying to calm myself down and get past the frenzy of emotions warring inside of me.

Hagen was still staring at me, his face darkening but I refused to be frightened of him, despite the fact every inch of my body was screaming at me to be careful and take a step back.

"Everything ok Kate?" Horatio's soft spoken voice broke through the tension.

I found myself unable to look at the red haired man as I answered.

"As soon as John leaves, everything with be peachy Horatio." I spoke quietly, my cheeks flushed angry and hot.

"John, I think that's your cue to leave." Horatio murmured, fiddling with the legs of his sunglasses.

The command in his voice was there masked by his terminology. Hagen's jaw tightened as his eyes flashed with malice, a sickening smirk inching across his face.

"What if I wanted to put in an assault charge against one of your CSI's Horatio?" John said evenly, his eyes never leaving my face.

I wrapped my arms around myself before faltering. Hagen knew an assault charge made by another cop would possibly end my career. I was on risky ground as it was. IAB would suggest Post Traumatic Stress syndrome, and then, boom, I was burnt out and unemployable by anywhere except McDonalds, and I did not want to work at McDonalds.

Horatio took a small step up to John his voice lowering so he couldn't be overheard by anyone.

"I suggest you to take a walk John, somewhere far, far away from here." Horatio's tone was cold, as his eyes flickered over Hagen.

"That's right Horatio always looking out for your own, but where were you when Ray needed you?" John snarked at the thinner man.

"I was working a scene in Coconut Grove John, you were Ray's partner, where were you?" Horatio countered, looking vaguely interested.

"Ray never called me that night; he didn't let me in on what was going down Horatio." Hagen defended.

"Probably thought you may do something stupid like use it against him." I returned disgusted.

"Hey you have no idea…." Hagen was pointing his finger at me.

"Save it John, you wanted that promotion so badly you betrayed your partner…" I erupted as my restraint snapped.

"Kate, that's enough!" Horatio cut me off.

I fell silent, lips pursed together clamped shut. I was still quivering with rage, fists clenched by my sides.

"Speed's just got back… He was looking for you in the Trace Lab, I suggest you go and see to him." Horatio informed me pointedly.

I bit the inside of my cheek before bowing my head and brushing between the two men and leaving them to battle it out themselves.

* * *

Speedle was bent over the work desk, palms flat down upon it when I arrived at the door of the Trace Lab. My temper cooled immensely as my eyes came to rest on his heavily bandaged hand. His face looked deathly pale under the fluorescent lighting. I stepped into the lab, feeling utterly calm as I took in his posture.

Tim's eyes were on me as the glass door opened, instantly I knew he was staring at the half-wet coffee stain upon my shirt. I cringed, thinking I probably should have changed first.

"What happened to you?" Tim asked gruffly, clearing his throat.

His gaze was back on the microscope in front of him, and I could tell he was struggling right now.

"Hagen." I muttered as I stepped up to the opposite side of the desk.

"What did he…" I cut Tim off by shaking my head, crossing my arms over my chest and looking at him pointedly.

He let out a sigh, knowing that his attempt to distract me wouldn't work.

"How's the hand? What did they say?" I asked, studying him. Tim kept his face passive revealing nothing.

"No damage to the tendons, but I have to wait five days, they had to take tests to see if the Tweaker had something."

Tim spoke as if he were talking about someone else, someone we didn't know or care about. The two of us fell silent, contemplating the problems that this would cause.

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to come around tonight." Tim mentioned without looking in my direction.

I sighed, looking down at my shoes before nodding, recognizing his detachment. Tim had completely shut down.

"If that's what you want." I mumbled, torn between understanding and feeling helpless.

Tim turned his head away to look at the door, leaving me feeling slightly un-included in the conversation.

"It's not what I want, I want to take you home and do all sorts of sexy, dirty things to you. The problem is I can't and I can't take the risk of passing along something. I mean some virus' can be passed through saliva…" he was rambling.

I raised my hand to silence him before saying my piece.

"It's ok Tim, I get it…I have Chaz's manuscripts to keep myself occupied for the next couple of days. So no hard feelings." I told him with a small smile.

Tim didn't return it.

"I'm sorry Kate; I know we both don't need this." He said looking at me for the first time since this conversation started.

I could see it there in his eyes and the sincerity broke my heart.

"It's not your fault, you didn't ask the Tweaker to bite you." I reasoned in a vain attempt to comfort him.

Tim raised his head skyward as if praying.

"It'll be ok Tim." I tried to reassure him.

"Yea."

"You don't want me to say it's going to be ok." I realized.

"I want you to be realistic. Junkies share things, and this one may have decided to share it with me." His gaze was back on me now, eyes cold and narrowing.

"I'm trying to be optimistic, he may be clean." I explained.

"Right now I don't want to hear optimism I want to bury my head away from this ever happening, it's bad enough I can barely move my right hand, and now I have to worry about infections and diseases." He snapped.

I felt myself physically flinch at his words as I took a slow step backwards towards the door.

"Well you can bury your head but that will not do any good Tim, you know that…"

"Can you do me a favour and get out of my face? I need to process this…alone." He stated, busying himself with several case files resting on the desk.

That was it, conversation over in Tim terms. I took a deep breath, feeling deflated and tired. There was nothing I could say, instead I turned my back on him and headed out of the door.

* * *

Horatio was watching Speed behind the glass widow pane over looking the Trace Lab. His head phones were plugged in and loud rock music was bellowing from the CD player by his side.

It had been two hours since Kate had left and it looked like Speed was planning an all nighter. Stacks of case files were propped up next to him as he reviewed some evidence underneath the microscope, Horatio cottoned on to what he was doing in an instant. Speed was burying himself.

Horatio sighed, wringing his hands over and over again; it was a sign of anxiety, one that he usually kept hidden away from the eyes of his colleagues.

_It wasn't fair._

It was never going to be fair, bad things happened to good people and he knew there was no way to control that. Yet he still felt responsible.

This shouldn't be happening to them, and he wished more than anything that if it had to happen that it happened to him, but the problem was it hadn't and now he had to go in there and give Speed the news.

Horatio rose to his full height, regaining his composure before pushing the door to the Trace Lab open, his eyes on the younger man posed over the microscope intently.

Speed detecting the change of air circulating through the room and raised his head. Upon seeing Horatio he removed his head phones and flicked off his CD player, silencing the music erupting from it.

"How are you doing?" Horatio asked in a low gentle tone.

Speed looked away, his eyes staring out of the glass, looking but not seeing.

"It could have been worse." He said finally.

It was those words that killed Horatio, the one that chilled him straight to the core because it was worse, it was worse than anyone could ever imagine.

"Actually Speed there's something I need to talk to you about."

Speed tilted his head back, and screwed his eyes closed tightly Horatio wondered if by some fluke he knew what was coming.

"Yea?" he responded gruffly.

"The Tweaker Speed…" Horatio hesitated before drawing a deep breath and forcing the words out. "The Tweaker was HIV positive."

There was silence; a harsh empty un-interpretative silence in which neither of them had any words to say. Horatio's eyes were on Speed's face as a range of emotions taunted him before finally his expression turned blank again.

"He was bleeding from the mouth, he had a busted lip, SWAT said him and another junkie were getting into it an they had to pull the two apart…" Speed's eyes were still closed and Horatio could tell he was running through everything in his head.

"Kate had a cut on her hand; she touched the bite when…" Speed took a deep breath struggling to continue, his eyes opened wide and he turned his head, gaze locked on Horatio. "When she was running it under the water. Do you think I could have infected her?!"

Horatio shook his head in response to the question as his mind flicked back to the events of the day.

"Kate's hand was on your wrist, she never touched any blood." Horatio reminded him thoughtfully.

"So she's safe." Speed stated dully.

He was staring at the microscope in front of him, his limbs immobile as he took in the news, he was relived for her, the panic had swelled in his chest at the thought of her being infected but now it didn't matter because it was all on him.

"I'm sorry Speed, there's a three month window."

Speed didn't even acknowledge Horatio had spoken; he simply reached out and pulled a folder on to his lap, flicked it open and began studying the contents.

"I should get back to work." He muttered under his breath.

"Speed I'm giving you the night off, go home to Kate." Horatio attempted to enforce upon the younger man.

Speed's deep brown eyes fixed on his mentor and Horatio could see the fear shining in them before he turned away.

"I can't go home to Kate. I can't run the risk she'll catch it." Speed told him.

Horatio looked down as Speed clenched the folder tightly between his fists. His hands were shaking as the cardboard bent under his strength.

"Speed, I really think..." Speed cut Horatio off as he set the manila folder down.

"I can't H… I just can't do this to her." Speed unclenched his wounded hand before balling it up into a tight fist again.

Horatio appreciated that it had to take immense will power to bite back the pain the motion caused.

"I think Kate would want to know Speed…" he tried again.

"I can't put her through that, not after everything she's been through. I know Kate, she wouldn't stop trying to make it better and I can't face that H, not right now." He stated bluntly, his jaw was set in a determined manner.

"You're not alone Speed, I'm gonna be right here with you every step of the way." Horatio said softly, his hand enclosing on Speed's broad shoulder.

The younger man did nothing; he simply sat there, staring at the letters on the page in front of him.

There was nothing left to say, there were no words left, so in the end the two men sat there and simply said nothing at all.

* * *

_**The actual biting happened to a friend of mine's bf, thankfully he was clear. Thank you to both of them for letting me use it.**_

_**Also a thank you to Mauveine for being a wonderful beta, I throw ideas at her and she helps them bounce back.**_

_**Also lurkers, do me a favour and come out of hiding?**_

_Blue: I'm pretty much addicted to oreos! An unreasonable amount so. My little bro even brought me some for my bday. Hagen's role in the story is explored more, but as for the past that's simply what it is. He used the info she gave him against his friend and the fact he was so selfish got her hurt. Hagen has a much bigger role to the story as it progresses._

_Brown: lol thank you for being there for me and of course for buying Bonnie and Clyde, it was a fab gesture. Lol if it was me that locker room would have seen some action, lots of action. Lol I feel like I keep coming up with more ways to make him so damn creepy. I like providing little bits and pieces so that people can learn more without an overload. Lol the smut was quick and not as good as some of the others I thought. You know what's next._

_Lapland: Well RL was a bitch and now it's a little bit easier. I graduated now and I have a little less work. I move on Monday so then things should be a little bit better. Also the bf is away in the states for military training so it let's up a whole 3 days a week. She hates fire now, utterly hates it. Yea Hagen is a selfish bastard; you'll come to see how much soon. Lol Carrie didn't quite get the message as you will see soon. Lol the smut wasn't that good but it's what they needed. Still job hunting and I seriously need to do a mass catch up! So Pixie will be on my list._

_Eva: Thank you, I had to edit that part of the chap loads of times to get it right. Kate's far from invincible; she's a little dependant on Tim. Lol I feel for them with the smouldering thing. LMAO you'll see how creepy Hagen really is, I mean seriously I haven't even started with him yet. I have a whole Hagen storyline planned out and it's horrendous, every time I see him in Miami now I shiver. I'm not a fan of Jake more of a E/C shipper._

_Mauveine: lol I so wish I was in Kate's shoes too, I wouldn't let Speed out of the house. Lol Hagen is now the creepiest thing ever. He became the creature in nightmares lol. It was hard weaving Kate in so well, but I'm glad I achieved it. Yelina and Kate are almost as complex as H and Yelina. The back story is hard to get in because I don't want people to overload on it. I really love reading your reviews, they make me smile._


	14. Chapter 14: What Might Have Been

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: What Might have Been

_Where every tongue is wagging  
When every back is turned  
Their telling secrets that should never be revealed  
There's nothing to be gained from this  
But disaster…_

_If I had the chance love  
You know, I would not hesitate  
To tell you all the things I never said before  
Don't tell me it's too late_

_Sarah McLachlan – Dirty Little Secrets_

The weather was sweltering as it always was in Miami. Although Delko was used to it, he still dressed in thin cool shirts allowing some sort of air circulation. He hated getting hot and sweaty at a crime scene, it made him more irate when he returned to the lab. He had no idea how Horatio managed wearing those black suit jackets.

It was rare for him and Horatio to work a crime scene together alone but the lab was spread thinly at the moment, Speed and Calleigh were working on a double Homicide in Coconut Grove, and it was Kate's day off.

At the current moment him and H were stuck under the glaring sun in the Everglades glaring at some crocodile poachers who had apparently found their dead girl.

"I think you better take a look at this." Tripp's voice filtered through into Delko's brain.

The older man was rubbing his hand across his lips in agitation. Delko found himself feeling slightly worried, it was hard to shake up Frank at the best of times, but there were definite signs of something worrying the Texan detective.

They were following Tripp now, kits in hand as they strode after the bulky man, ducking under the crime scene tape and following him through the reeds and towards the embankment.

"We're still looking for the other pieces." Tripp said quietly as they drew to a halt.

Horatio took off his sunglasses, his mouth ajar as he stared down at the body stunned. There was a hard lump in Eric's throat, his limbs refused to respond as the case dropped from his hand and struck the ground.

"Kate."

The words slipped out of his mouth like broken glass. She was on her back, her head twisted towards the water as it lapped her face. Her hair was filthy from when the water level had been higher and over her head. One of her legs were twisted underneath her at an odd angle, but it was the other leg than made Eric's stomach wretch. He had to fight the sickness burning in the pit of his stomach as he took in the sight of it. The leg had been hacked off below the knee, and from the clean cut of the wound Eric could say that it hadn't been a croc that got her.

His eyes travelled further upwards to see the blood that was splashed across the chest of the shirt, the stump of her left arm hung uselessly across her body. The hand was gone, just like the shin. There was worse damage under the shredded shirt, he knew it but he couldn't bring himself to look. He turned his head away as the bile choked his throat pushing the images of the pulled up skirt and missing panties out of his head. They'd stolen her dignity as well as her life.

Eric couldn't hold it back any longer; his hand was clamped over his mouth as he hurtled towards the crime scene tape and under it in record time. The Hummer was view but he wasn't able to reach it. His eyes were watering as he bent over and hurled his guts up into the long grass. He was crying as he threw up, hot salty tears were trailing down his cheeks as his stomach rolled bringing him to his hands and knees.

His heart was hammering in his chest, there was so much heat rushing through his veins right now. There was so much rage, they'd desecrated her…

She was practically his little sister and the bastards had murdered her.

Speed, oh God this was going to kill him.

There was a hand on his shoulder as he swayed on his knees, the back of his hand pressed to his mouth as he tried to get a reign on himself. He already knew it was Horatio, his familiar warm touch was soothing but it didn't chase away the images in his head. The crime had already been committed.

"Eric…" Horatio paused as Delko closed his eyes feeling dizzy.

"Someone will have to notify Speed, I'll be there H, when you tell him. I'll stay with him." The words were hushed and murmured, he couldn't comprehend what this would do to his friend.

"Eric…that's not Kate." Horatio said quietly.

Eric's eyes snapped open, he was on his feet in an instant, twisting to see if Kate's murder had driven his mentor insane. His hazel eyes were on Horatio's face, the older man looked the same as always, calculating and compassionate, there were cogs and secrets turning in Horatio's head, there wasn't a sign of grief at all. It was all clear, H was right it couldn't be Kate, there was an explanation of course, only he couldn't wrap his brain around it, but he knew Horatio was already having ideas.

"Does she have sister?" Tripp asked gruffly, he was still shaken from the resemblance the body had to his surrogate daughter.

Eric bit his lip as he thought back to one of their earlier conversations; he crossed his arms over his chest as he answered.

"She was an only child, she doesn't have any family."

"But it would appear she has a very close resemblance to Kate." Horatio remarked, fiddling with the legs of his sunglasses.

"The FBI wanted Kate a few months ago to get involved in the Mala Noche; do you think they recruited someone who looked like her?" Delko exclaimed, partially horrified and partly relieved.

Tripp's jaw visibly tightened as he shook his head looking haunted.

"It sure looks like her, and I doubt that it's by accident." He muttered, exhaling deeply.

"I suspect this is anything but coincidental gentleman. Let's bag and tag. I'll call Alex to give her a head's up on the body." Horatio spoke thoughtfully before slipping on his sunglasses and staring out into the Everglades.

* * *

The morgue was silent as the Alexx peeled back the sheet revealing the face of the young girl lying upon the cold steel table. She shuddered at the sight before turning her gaze upwards towards Horatio was standing up on the observation deck watching.

"I've got to say Horatio; this one's giving me the creeps." Alexx informed him, as she studied the features of the young woman.

"You and me both Alexx, I need to be on top of this before I decide to bring Kate in." Horatio murmured as he adjusted the screen to get a full length view of the body.

"Timmy's already been down here; Hagen had him and Calleigh thinking he was identifying her body. Poor boy's got enough on his hands without worrying that his girlfriends turned up dead." Alexx spoke bluntly as she busied herself, smoothing back the hair away from the young girl's face, revealing harsh black bruising across the hair line and right eye socket.

"All those antibiotics making him sick, they're hindering him more than helping him." She spoke knowingly shaking her head.

"I'm worried about him Alexx, he's withdrawing." Horatio confessed, his arms crossed over his chest tightly.

"That's Timmy's way of dealing with the situation; it's easier for him to remove all attachments this way." Alexx explained to Horatio from between the glass.

Horatio sighed heavily before meeting Alexx's gaze.

"Do you think he's going to run?" Horatio asked quietly.

Alexx put a hand on her hip as she bit her lip, bowing her head.

"I think if the test comes out HIV Positive, he's gonna climb into the bottom of a bottle and head for the hills. But it's gonna be the waiting around that's killing him. Lord knows him and Kate don't need this right now. He keeps pushing her away…the girl's fragile when it comes to Tim, and he refuses to tell her…" Alexx paused. "It's a not a win, win situation. Kate's not stupid. I recommended PCR DNA testing but it's expensive and I know his insurance won't cover it."

"What is that Alexx?" Horatio asked curiously, cocking his head to the side.

"It means that Timmy can learn the results of his HIV test sooner. Instead of a three month window it's only a twenty eight day wait, Timmy's coming into his second week now. The problem is the test is expensive, it's impossible for him to afford it, but I know the waiting is killing him Horatio." Alexx confided.

"It's something I'll look into." Horatio promised her before turning his attention back to the body. "So Alexx what have we got?"

"Young female, my guess early twenties." Alexx estimated before continuing. "She bled out from the leg and arm amputations… She was tortured prior to death. The fingers on the right hand are broken, as if someone snapped them. I've picked up lacerations on her remaining wrist and ankle. It looks like rope, but I can't be sure. She had several broken ribs, her lung was punctured, I guess the beating occurred before the cutting did."

Alexx paused before removing the sheet completely. Horatio's jaw clenched as he studied the damage on the young woman's chest. Alexx raised her head towards him her gaze mournful and her eyes full of unshed tears.

"They cut off her breasts Horatio, after they raped her, they mutilated her. Poor baby, didn't deserve this, did you sugar?"

"Nobody does Alexx." Horatio murmured, tearing his eyes away from the young girl's face.

He couldn't help but imagine that this was Kate lying on the table. Would this have been Kate if Speed hadn't managed to change her mind, or would her cool head have stopped her from ending up in this position? The possibilities were terrifying and he was sickened by the fact he was almost relieved that this was someone else's child and not one of his own.

The woman lying on the table looked peaceful and above all she looked younger than he had originally thought after the make up had been washed off. Jennings was involved in this, he knew it. The resemblance to Kate was uncanny and eerie. The manner in which the woman was killed matched that of a certain Mala Noche snitch that had been executed a fortnight ago, it wasn't hard to put the pieces together. He'd have to run the finger prints through AFIS but he was sure they were going to be flagged by the FBI.

He hated the idea of making Kate call her former handler. He knew she'd do it in an instant but there was something about Jennings that made his skin crawl and he knew it was the way he constantly seemed to be baiting Kate. He reminded Horatio of Ray, and his ability to manipulate people. Despite the fact Horatio had loved his brother dearly; he never failed to underestimate what the other man was capable of.

Jennings was similar to Ray in that respect but where there was some observation that Ray had actually cared about Kate and her well being, Horatio was aware that Gabe Jennings was a hell of a lot more cut throat about his dealings.

His cell phone felt heavy in his hand, just like the weight that rested on his shoulders and after a few more minutes of debating Horatio took a deep breath and made the call he dreaded.

"Hey Kate? It's Horatio."

* * *

The voices that swarmed around him were overwhelming as he struggled to continue his work in the very open planned Crime Lab. He felt as if people were watching him and whispering as they walked past. He saw the pity and sympathy in their eyes and felt like bursting into sudden hysterical laughter, they didn't even know the half of it.

They were looking at him like that because they thought Kate was dead, he'd had enough condolences already to last him a life time before he managed to barricade himself in the Trace Lab. Hagen, for some unknown reason had taken it upon himself to announce to him in the middle of a very crowded break room that Kate's body had turned up in the morgue.

Tim couldn't describe the feelings that rushed through him that that moment in time. The indescribable numbness was almost too much to bear as he moved mechanically towards the morgue, praying, wishing, hoping that there was a mistake. As it turned out Hagen was wrong.

By some miracle his prayers had been answered and it hadn't been her body lying in the morgue, hell it looked like her, but he would tell by the shape of the other girl's eyes, the curve of the lips was completely wrong as were the slender shape of the other woman's cheekbones. He'd known straight away that that was not Kate.

His relief was momentous and he carried it around with him for the rest of the day, he was barely able to bring himself to approach Hagen on the subject of "Kate's death." All that mattered was that she was alive and well, and he damn hoped it stayed that way. He knew Horatio would watch over her, keep her safe if needs be.

At least if he left he wouldn't have to worry about that. Kate had roots now; she had friends and a surrogate family. She couldn't take off and follow him and even if she tried he'd make it so she'd never find him. A letter wouldn't do it justice, he could never get the words out, and thinking about leaving made his eyes burn and throat constrict. Horatio would tell her eventually, he was sure of that and maybe one day she would even understand.

Tim ran his hands through his hair, before rubbing his face with his hands. Jesus Christ he was a hypocrite. Forcing Kate to promise she'd never leave and then contemplating doing the same thing. He'd be breaking her heart all over again but he couldn't help it. HIV wasn't something he could live with. He knew that there were a lot of sufferers out there that led happy, full, long lives but that wouldn't work for him. He couldn't risk the possibility of Kate catching the disease, it was better to keep away than to explain the condition to her, he couldn't stomach actually saying the words out loud to her or the way she'd try to take care of him. He wanted her to have freedom and she would give that up to look after him.

The anger was there again, persistent and nagging; it was laced with sorrow and pain so deep it almost hurt to breath. Kate had wanted a family at some point, and that was gone now. There wasn't a chance in hell he was touching her again. He regretted the last time they'd made love; it had been hurried and rushed. He wished that he'd had some sort of warning. He would have taken his time memorising every part of her body, imprinting her essence on his heart to carry around with him, because eventually all he'd have was a memory of her supple skin on his, one that eventually was going to fade.

There was movement on the other side of the window and Speedle swore to God if it was Carrie checking up on him again he may just snap and punch her out, she was becoming an overwhelming thorn in his side. He raised his head, catching sight of Kate standing there and suddenly he was breathless.

She wore her dark chocolate hair wavy today; a style he adored on her. Half of it was clipped away from her face as the other half cascaded down her back; his eyes strayed to her facial features as she talked diligently to Horatio, her expression serious and thoughtful. He loved that face, the one where she was concentrating, it blew him away all over again and it was like he was seeing her for the first time. Kate was there in front of him, another reassurance he hadn't been wrong, she was still here, still in reach but still so far away.

They had called her in which indicated that this was more serious than he'd anticipated, the case went deeper than lab gossip, Kate had something Horatio needed. She stepped into full view and Speed found himself smiling despite all the pain that was buried in his chest. She was wearing a navy blue NYPD t-shirt from her time in New York; it had been given to her by a friend over there.

She was wearing beige coloured Capri's and little light blue flip flops. He could see the knot of her baby blue bikini peeking out of the neck of her shirt; her straw beach bag was attached to her shoulder as she left a small trail of sand from her flip-flops leading around the lab. They'd called Kate in straight from the beach

The moment he saw the FBI Agent step into the corridor his world was turned upside down. Had he been wrong? Was she the one that was going to run because of the way he'd been with her recently? He's underestimated Kate greatly if that was the case.

They were talking now, the three of them. Well Kate was doing most of the talking, Horatio was standing there head bowed and listening. It was serious; he could see that when Kate crossed her arms over her chest, her face filled with indignant rage when the agent said something to her. Horatio was breaking in between the two now and Speed had decided he'd had enough of the guessing. He picked up a file from the pile that seemed to be permanently fixed to desk and opened it. He thought he was past playing games but apparently not, he flicked through the folder as he stepped into the corridor pretending to read it.

Kate's voice was ringing loud and clear as the conversation continued down the corridor.

"How dare you even propose such a thing?! You owe this information to Lieutenant Caine; you owe it to that girl Jennings. Me, returning to the FBI is not an option and I refuse to be bartered into giving myself over to you in exchange for information on an investigation that is your fault anyway. Jesus Christ, give me a break…"

Speedle felt his breath catch in his throat as he raised his eyes to see the expression on Kate's face. He hadn't expected their eyes to meet across the corridor but that's what happened, as soon as brown met green he was swallowed up and back in that place again, the one that felt like home.

"I'm not leaving again." Kate said out loud, and he knew that it was for him.

Speedle tore himself away, taking a deep breath before ploughing down the corridor and erupting into the empty break room, he dropped into the nearest seat, letting the file slip off the table, spilling papers across the floor.

If the HIV didn't get him, the pain of breaking Kate's heart would.

* * *

Horatio had decided it was best to usher us towards the morgue to give Jennings a first hand view of what the Mala Noche had done to his agent. Although he had yet to admit that it was his agent. Horatio had paused in the door way to warn me that the body had been subject to immense torture and mutilation; he knew it was going to shock me; it was my decision whether I wanted to catch a glimpse of what could have been. In the end I'd opted for yes.

It was the face that shocked me more than the injuries. It was so young; the same age I had been when I'd gone undercover. I took a sudden intake of breath as I stood over the young woman, wrapping my arms around myself. The resemblance was uncanny, no wonder they had thought it was me…

Alexx was drawing back the sheet now, I turned my head away. I couldn't take seeing the extent of the gore, seeing what would have happened if I'd left. Instead I watched Jennings face. His jaw tightened as his eyes took in the mess that was this younger woman's body, his eyes flashed with anger. I exhaled deeply before speaking.

"She was new wasn't she?" I asked quietly.

That would be the only way they could have found someone who looked like me to take my place without going through the months of reconstructive surgery, months they didn't have because their opening would have been closing.

"Yea."

I closed my eyes, pursing my lips together, biting down preventing the swell of pain and above all the memories rising in my chest.

"How long before she went in?" I asked.

"A month, maybe two." He responded.

My eyes snapped open. Alexx and Horatio were on the fringes of the room, giving Jennings and I the space to converse almost privately.

"You didn't even give her proper training." I accused. "I got almost a year before you put me in the Family, but her, you gave her nothing! I don't understand…"

"Don't blame me Kate, you turned us down, we depended on you and you let us down, for what? A normal life with a boyfriend who's barely speaking to you? Face facts Kate the moment you turned us down, you signed this girl's death warrant." Jennings spat.

To my utter horror I found myself laughing, laughing at the fact he was blaming me for something I played no part in.

"I think your guilty Jennings, I think this is going to go back to your superiors and they're going to have field day tearing you limb from limb because you brought this girl in knowing full well she wouldn't be able to cope under the pressure. Now you have two options, you either give us the information that we need, and we can try and help you clear up the mess that you created, see if we can get a name. Or you can toddle off back to your FBI buddies with nothing at all and see how that turns out. I want names, and information on what she was doing there and who she was after."

Jennings opened his mouth to interrupt but I raised a hand to silence him before continuing.

"You don't fully co-operate and I swear to god I will call the FBI myself and cause the biggest pile of shit ever for you, because I know for a fact you haven't taken me off your books and I'm betting that they think that girl lying on the table is me."

Jennings face said it all and I knew I hit the nail on the head.

"I guess I've got you in a compromising position." I said coldly. "I think it's in your best interests to tell Lieutenant Caine exactly what you know and be thankful he's more compassionate about this whole mess than I am and two, I want to stay dead, I want no more contact from the FBI, no more watching. I want to be left alone, as far as your bosses are aware, on record I'm dead."

"You're going to deny that poor girl a funeral? You're colder than I thought." Jennings sneered.

"She can have her funeral, I'm sure the FBI will pay nicely for it." I informed him, hands on my hips. "But I doubt that she has a family, that's the way you work right Jennings?"

Jennings said nothing he simply fixed me with his hard gaze before turning his head away. At that moment a huge burden was realised off my shoulders, one I hadn't realized had been weighing me down. I felt lighter, more able to breath easy. Jennings was the one suffering now, it was all on him. He'd backed himself into a corner playing off the FBI like he had. It was pitiful reading the expression on his face; I diverted my attention back to the subject at hand.

"She disappeared didn't she?" I said softly.

"She was in Brazil one minute and then Miami the next. The only name she got was Riaz, but as far as our contacts tell us he's a minor player. We've got nothing on him." Jennings admitted.

"Their running the semen sample through the database…" I commented, shaking my head at the girl lying before us.

"We picked her because she was street smart and she looked like you." Jennings submitted almost sadly.

"She's nothing more than a kid." I mentioned, taking in the busted lip and bruising on her face.

"She's older than you were when you started." He informed me with a deep sigh.

"Hm, but I had more training. I had more experience then you allowed her." The blame was still there in my voice, it always would be.

How many lives was he responsible for destroying? How many parents cried at night because their loved ones had disappeared? How many hearts were broken, and how many deaths were on his hands?

"I think it's time for you to talk to Lieutenant Caine." I spoke into the silence that stretched between us feeling melancholy.

Jennings bowed his head, an admission of defeat, one that I should have revelled in but instead left me feeling cold and wounded. I was leaving the room now, this wasn't my case and I didn't want to know the details. I paused in the door way and glanced at Jennings over my shoulder as Horatio moved towards him.

"Remember Gabe, I want to stay dead."

Jennings nodded before turning his attention to Horatio. I stepped out of the room relieved I'd managed to barter my freedom but it was never going to sit well that it had come at the cost of the dead girl lying on Alexx's table.

* * *

It was late when he heard the knocking. Tim had been lying flat out on the couch, flicking through channels on his TV and trying to ignore the raging headache he'd been suffering the past few hours. His hand was throbbing, despite the fact he'd been knocking back enough pain killers to take out a rhino. He was pretty sure he was developing a fever, from the fact his temperature appeared to be soaring, and of course he was missing Kate furiously. He was depressed and he knew it but the darkness that swallowed him up was refusing to budge these days, there was no light at the end of the tunnel for him.

He was on his feet, his movements sluggish and weary as he took slow steps towards the door. His vision blurred a little as he reached it, yanking it open to reveal Kate standing there, a flirtatious smile on her face. His heart jerked in his chest as her warm eyes flickered towards his. He stood there for a second surprised and dazzled taking in her attire.

It took him a minute to realize she was wearing a beige overcoat, the sash tied at the waist holding it in place. It fell to her knees, revelling her long sheer covered legs and sexy black spike heels.

"Going somewhere?" he couldn't hide the hurt in his voice as much as he hated to hear it.

"Are you going to let me in?" she questioned, arching an eyebrow.

Speed held the door open for her as she stepped into his bungalow, closing the door quickly before following her into the living room.

He stopped dead in the door way, his mouth hanging open as she stood in front of him, her hands peeling off the overcoat to reveal what she was wearing underneath.

The outfit was something he'd seen in a Victoria's Secret catalogue she'd left laying her place. The black chiffon bra had a baby pink trim along the top, exemplifying her assets as she stood there before him. His eyes strayed down her naked torso, his breath catching in his throat as he took in the tiny minuscule lace and satin skirt that barely covered her toned ass. The outfit was completed with sheer black stockings and her high heels.

Kate was in front of him now; her body was brushing up against his, causing desire to stir within him. He inhaled the scent of her skin mixed with her perfume as her hands undid the top button of his shirt, her lips next to his ear.

"This is my way of apologizing for being so self absorbed recently." She whispered.

Speed closed his eyes tightly feeling torn and unable to respond. All he knew was that he needed just one more kiss from her and then he was done.

His hand was in her hair pulling her to him, his lips sought out hers. His eyes were burning as tears threatened him, but he kept his resolve as his lips brushed hers with a tenderness he hadn't known he'd possessed. Her arms were wrapped around his neck as she deepened the kiss, her tongue tracing his lisps before slipping into his mouth. Their emotions were mingling together now, all the unsurity and desperation was seeping into that kiss as they clung to each other drinking in the security and comfort the other brought.

He couldn't let her go; he couldn't bring himself to end it. His hands were trailing down her spine as the tears were leaking now from his eyes and down his cheeks. Their hearts were beating together as they grasped each other. He pulled away suddenly, burying his head in the crook of her neck.

The unfairness of everything was crashing down around him and he was forced to a breaking point. One that he knew he'd have to eventually give in and admit to. She was everything he'd ever wanted and needed and after six years of barely living because a piece of him had been so cruelly stolen, he faced the fact he couldn't do it again.

He couldn't imagine the nights without her lying next to him in bed, tucked under his arm. Her hand was soothing, smoothing his hair as he broke down clutching her tightly to him. He couldn't let go, these past few weeks had nearly killed him, and he'd had enough of the secrets, the hiding and the loneliness. He wanted to depend on her so badly but he could never find the ability to share the burden.

"Tim." She murmured, cradling him to her chest. "Tell me what's wrong."

His body sagged against her, his forehead pressed to her shoulder as the tears dripped onto her naked skin. He pursed his lips together, forcing the words out as he choked back the sob climbing his throat.

"HIV…The Tweaker had HIV."

He felt the breath leave her body as the news ebbed through into her brain. Her whole body was tense underneath him as she hugged him tighter.

"Oh Tim…" she whispered as he buried his face in her hair.

He had no idea how long they stayed there like that, unmoving. He took shelter in her arms, frightened to let go in case she disappeared. The world was turning now, he wasn't sure if it was because of the fever or the intense emotional stress he'd been under.

Kate pulled away frowning, her eyes on his face, taking in his clammy skin and pasty exterior. Her hand went immediately to his forehead, feeling the heat that was emitting from him she drew back quickly, realizing that his eyes had glazed over. Her hand strayed to his as she stripped away the bandages on the wound to find the skin twinged with redness and clear liquid seeping from it.

"I think we better get you to the hospital, your hand looks infected." Kate uttered drawing back for a second, scooping up her coat and shrugging it on over the revealing lingerie and tying up the sash.

Within seconds she was grabbing her keys out of her coat pocket and leading him towards the car.

* * *

The waiting room was littered with people in various states of distress and as I checked the clock for the fifteenth time I realized we'd been perched in the middle of the chaos for over an hour now. It had taken me over ten minutes to fill out Tim's medical insurance on the clipboard because his hand had swollen so much it was painful to hold a pen.

"You know people think you're a prostitute right?" Tim pointed out as I crossed my legs, ignoring the leers from the creepy, middle aged man sitting across from us.

"Yea I gathered that when security informed us that they didn't want my kind in here." I reminded him, tilting my head back against the wall.

"If you had your badge on you, you could have pretended you were in Vice." Tim turned his head towards me as I rolled my eyes.

"They probably think you're my pimp." I retorted.

"That some sort of nasty fantasy of yours?" Tim chuckled as I narrowed my eyes.

"You wish." I snorted.

We fell into silence as each of us became lost in our thoughts. His revelation had shocked me, HIV had never crossed my mind, but it made sense to why he'd been avoiding me. I had no idea how he'd managed to put on such a tough front when on the inside he was crumbling. His free hand came to rest on mine, and I found myself gazing into his eyes as he studied me.

"You can go you know." He mumbled, turning his head away again so he didn't have to see my expression.

I entwined my fingers in his, squeezing his hand lightly.

"I'd rather have people thinking I'm your ho, than leave you alone right now." I teased before glancing around again, taking an inventory of injuries.

Tim sniggered before turning serious again.

"We need to figure out what we're going to do. I know you wanted a family…" he began.

I shrugged.

"That's not important. We're not even sure you have it and there's plenty of things we can do if it comes down to it. You just need to stay focused on keeping yourself happy and healthy right now."

Tim bowed his head, nodding his reply before taking a deep breath.

"Everything seems a lot easier with you here." He said softly, looking down at us both holding hands.

"I'll always be here." I murmured, resting my head on his shoulder.

His lips brushed my forehead, the tension rolling off both of our bodies as we huddled together waiting for his name to be called.

* * *

The bed was unmade; I noticed as I took Tim's hand and guided him towards it. His back was to the bed as I stood on tiptoes to kiss him softly. My fingers were already working on his shirt, undoing each button until it was hanging open revealing his impressive chest. My hands caressed the muscles on his chest, tracing over his ribs and stomach gently until I reached his belt buckle. There was something sensual and yet soothing about the motions, we were both drained and weary, there was no room for passion right now.

His lips brushed my ear as his warm hands moved to undo the sash of my overcoat. It fell to the floor along with his shirt. His arms encircled me, and I was wrapped in his warm embrace.

"I love you Kate." He whispered, as my hands strayed down to his belt buckle.

His lips were slow and loving as they caressed my throat. I unbuttoned his jeans, sliding them down his hips before helping Tim out of them.

"We can't…" he murmured, as he drew back.

"I know." I returned, kissing his nose gently.

I helped him into bed before grabbing one of his t-shirts and slipping it over my head before climbing in alongside him. He was laying flat on his back, his eyes were already closed and his breathing deep and even as I shuffled towards him, curling my body up against his side. My head settled on his chest, my fingers splayed across his stomach as his arm automatically drew me closer.

Sleep wouldn't come tonight, my mind was too busy with the day's events, processing and filing them away. Instead I lay there and simply listened to the sound of his heart, as it continued beat in his chest.

* * *

_**Lol only four reviews? I feel like I'm losing my touch. So please show me some love people. I'm feeling a little disillusioned.**_

_**This chapter didn't go the way I thought it would lol but it ended better than I expected.**_

_**Thank you to BEG for betaing she did a good job and I appreciate the hard work and help she gave me on this. Of course thanks to the reviewers.**_

_Cheymon: lol look out for two chapters time with Clavo Cruz! Thanks for the review!_

_BEG: Thank you for the congrats! Lol I'm still blushing from your kind words regarding the beginning of the chapter. Autumn's a sweet heart and her and Bernstein have a little role to play later on. I was really nervous about the bite thing I didn't want to copy or anything and I wasn't sure how they'd react. Lol At first he was gonna be nice and dismissive but I thought that's not really fitting of the char. Lol It gives me the creeps knowing how things turn out. That scene wrote itself I had no idea how it was going to turn out but boom they played it out well._

_Blue: I finished them before you gave that review, lol Oreos are my drug. Nah Hagen's in this up to the last ep of S3 although his role and ending is a little different._

_Daisy-Buchanan: Hey it's nice to mete you, thanks for the review, I hope you enjoy the story._


	15. Chapter 15: Body Count

**AN: Warning rated M for talk of abuse.**

Chapter Fifteen: Body Count

_Skin against skin blood and bone  
You're all by yourself but you're not alone  
You wanted in now you're here  
Driven by hate consumed by fear_

Let the bodies hit the floor  
Let the bodies hit the floor

_Drowning Pool – Bodies_

The two of us were sitting in the break room, at the table across from each other. Tim's spoon was clenched tightly in his hand as he jabbed at the yogurt pot furiously. His gaze never broke from mine. My hands were wrapped around my coffee cup, the heat soothing against the cold look in his eyes.

"You can't tell me what to do Kate." Tim snapped, his dark eyebrows furrowing in anger.

"Then you should stop being so god damned selfish." I snapped.

Tim narrowed his eyes, the yogurt pot crunched under the clenching of his fist.

"Go take the PCR DNA test now." I demanded.

"No, it's a waste of time and money. They can give out false results…" I cut him off.

"Which is why Alexx is going to do it. You're supposed to do it under a doctor's supervision. She is a doctor." I stated.

Tim fell silent, his attention wavering to scooping out the final dregs of his organic vanilla yogurt.

"You're scared." I pointed out.

Tim snorted.

"You're scared that it's going to say yes because you have no idea what the hell you're going to do." I continued.

"Fuck you Kate. Go to hell with your know it all attitude and all your fucking pushing."

Tim was on his feet and slamming the door to the break room shut behind him. The glass panel in the door shook as I stared after him and sighed, before turning my attention to the rumpled yogurt pot unfurling in the centre of the table and the bent metal spoon.

Maybe I had pushed him a little too far. Tim didn't react well to fear and me pressing all of his buttons at once, well, that was bound to end badly.

The fact was I was pissed at him and angrier than I'd ever been at him. Horatio had had the PCR DNA test for over a week now and Tim had still failed to take it. Horatio had said let him do it in his own time, it took a lot of emotional preparation to work up the nerve to find out something so life altering, but his procrastination was driving me insane.

The sooner we knew the results the sooner we could find a way to deal with it. Only Tim apparently didn't see it that way. He saw it as the sooner he knew the sooner his life was over and he couldn't hide the fact he'd been checking out real estate in Nevada. Despite what he said if the results came back positive he was going to leave. I knew the signs, I'd done it myself and I also knew that I couldn't face that possibility.

I was rapping my fingertips on the circumference of the mug trying to work out the next step when the call out came through.

"We have a 39, escape in progress. Suspects are A&D, requesting back up!"

I was on my feet in an instant; my cell phone was already ringing. I answered it listening to Dispatch's directions before returning to the locker room to grab my gun.

A prison escape in progress.

My day had just got a whole lot worse.

* * *

The cell was a regular six by six, maximum security cell, stainless steel bars were part of a sliding door mechanism. Three concrete walls with no window, three bunks that barely fit into the confined space, along with a porcelain toilet.

Three men in such a small cell, how demeaning, Speed thought. Then again, you do the crime you do the time.

He crouched down in front of his kit and flicked the buckles open, checking his watch and wondering where the hell Delko was. The callout had come in over forty five minutes ago and there was no sign of the young Cuban. Speedle was getting edgy; he didn't want Calleigh or Kate taking the other man's place.

The cell mates were vicious especially in the sex offender's wing. He'd seen the hunger in their eyes as he walked past each cell, keeping his footsteps even, never daring to quicken his pace because that would show fear, and they could sense that. The jeers had rung in his ears but he heard none of them, because hearing them was giving in, and Tim Speedle would never give them the satisfaction.

Horatio was still working on tracing the bracelets, but it was proving to be a long and enduring task. The convicts were smart, he had to hand them that. Switching bracelets in a module that held fifteen hundred prisoners was a stroke of genius, as much as he hated to admit it, and it made their job a hell of a lot harder to do.

The inmates were screeching and rattling the bars again now, he could hear their cat calls as footsteps descended down the corridor and towards him. Speed glanced up, taking in the lone figure striding towards him; his eyes lingered on the black boots as her heels clicked across the tiles.

He could feel the breath leave his chest as his eyes roved upwards, taking in her fitted black suit trousers and the leather, steel studded belt. Her badge hung off it giving her a dangerous edge as she strode towards him. The long sleeved forest green, v-neck matched her eyes and clung to her body in all the right places. Her ebony brown hair fell across her face in layers and past her shoulders. She kept her eyes on the prize, chin up, shoulders back, she never broke her stride under the onslaught. The expression on her face was fierce, as she carried her crime kit along with her, the metal glinting in the harsh halogen light.

"Speedle, what have you got?" Kate questioned as she stepped through the doorway, finally allowing a glance at the kid in a guards uniform stationed by the door.

"No Delko?" Speed asked, yanking his latex gloves on.

"I wouldn't be here otherwise." Kate pointed out, tugging open her own latex gloves.

Speed rose to his feet as Kate faced him, hands on her hips, one eyebrow raised.

"You want top or bottom?" she spoke with a small smile tugging at her lips.

"I got here on time." He reminded her.

Kate tilted her head at him, pursing her lips together.

"Your gonna make me do the toilet aren't you?"

Speedle smirked as he took out his Crime Light.

"I hate it when you have seniority." He heard her mutter under her breath as she crouched down in front of the porcelain bowl and scowled.

He glanced at her over his shoulder as she took a deep breath, hand poised over the bowl as she rolled up her sleeve.

"Suck it up, your playing with the big boys now." He told her before returning to his own search at the sound of the water sloshing in the toilet.

"You have no idea how disgusting this is." She informed him.

He turned his face so she couldn't see him chuckling; his shoulders quaked a little as caught sight of her reaching right into the u-bend.

"I swear to God Speedle if you are laughing I am gonna be flicking this toilet water in your direction." She told him through gritted teeth.

"Your thoroughness is commendable." He stated as Kate withdrew from the offending item and stripped off her gloves to apply a fresh pair.

"You're real funny." She sniped, grasping her own Crime Light and casting it around the base of the toilet.

There was a silence between them, an awkward one. The words from their argument still chimed in his head. He hated the way he'd reacted, and he hated the fact she knew him so well to know what his anger was masking.

"You were right I am scared, I'm scared we can't be together if I have it." He admitted quietly as his light skimmed the top bunk.

"It's ok to be scared. It would be unhealthy if you weren't. I know what your going to do Tim, you wouldn't like the desert." She mentioned causally.

"Yea well, I couldn't be around you, not like that." He confessed.

He didn't have to see her face to know what she was thinking. It was an impossible situation, one she couldn't win.

"Found a sparkplug," she said suddenly, bending down to bag and tag.

Kate's fingers grasped the spark plug before she peered closely at the base of the toilet. It was surrounded by a fine line of dust, she followed the trail of intends really that it completely outlined the porcelain implement.

"Tim give me a hand with this." She said, stepping out the way so he could gain access enough to grasp the toilet and pull it away from the wall.

The two of them stared at the gaping black hole in front of them, before Kate took a tentative step forward and ducked into the hole to get a better look in the dim light.

"It's a maintenance tunnel." She called out, before slipping back into the cell.

"At least we know how they got out." Speed muttered, picking up his camera before snapping off shots of the hole.

He placed his camera down before looking at Kate expectantly, arms folded over his chest. Kate stared back at him, narrowing her eyes.

"You want me to go in there don't you?" she sighed.

"I'll go get the equipment." He said, feeling a little uneasy.

"They can't jump out their cells and get me." She offered reassuringly.

Tim bowed his head, smiling at her attitude.

"Besides I could just close the door and duck out the hole on the freak chance of that happening." She added brightly.

Tim Speedle shook his head as he stepped out of the cell, and kept his eyes forward.

He was really going to miss Kate.

* * *

The labs were buzzing with techs working in every direction in order to process every ounce of our evidence and file them into useable reports so we could act immediately. The contents of the prison cell had been boxed up and shifted to the layout room and was under the scrutiny of Speedle. I'd been pulled in on the AV side of things; Tyler had picked the worst time ever to go on vacation, and I knew when he got back he'd be kicking himself for not being able to help out on one of the biggest cases this year.

Sad but true, cases were part of a status symbol in the law enforcement world. You get noticed for the ones you solve and that helped if you were trying to advance up the ladder or move into onto a different pathway. I was too busy trying to get my shit together than to consider even the possibility of advancing at the minute. For me promotion was not even an option.

Yelina and Horatio were stationed behind me, their eyes on the videos as I tried every trick in the book to clear up the visual on the screen to get a clue of who we were looking for.

"Ok car runs red light and boom, we get a picture." I stated, as I used the computer to zoom in on the Car Jacker.

"That's Hank Kerner right there." Horatio murmured over my shoulder.

"Yea and that's the other guy behind him, but his head's turned away." Yelina said out loud, behind me I knew she was shaking her head.

The case was wearing us all down, the convicts had been out around two hours now and we had only one name, we didn't know how much worse this could get. We knew from the helicopter shooting alone that Kerner was a seasoned killer and that's if you weren't looking at his previous trial. But the other guy so far was an unknown and in some ways that was a lot scarier then a cold blooded killer like Kerner. Kerner provided predictability, where as the other guy, well, there was no pattern.

"Now luckily speed cameras take two shots, one when it's triggered and one a few seconds later don't they Kate?" Horatio reminded me.

I brought the other picture onto the screen.

"Ah a bit more luck, his face is turned towards us." I could hear the jubilance in Yelena's voice.

Maybe we'd caught a break after all.

I used the zoom function, tapping away at the key board until I'd pulled up a grainy looking close up of the individual. My breath caught in my throat as I glanced up at the face; there was silence from the three of us as the shock set in. There was numbness coursing through my body now with the sickness I'd endured through out the case and the drive that had forced me to function.

"That's Stewart Otis." Horatio's voice expressed at the emotions that we were all feeling and the confirmation made the nausea climbing stomach worse.

"Convicted child molester and child killer." I muttered, feeling like this was utterly surreal.

I'd been transported back to the place I was over six months ago. Back to the sleepless nights, the long hours, the fear, the constant nagging fear that Otis would strike again before we caught him. I saw each body as we dug them up. Each one having a milk carton for a gravestone propped up in the window of the abandoned shack. I felt the pain of every parent when we'd had to tell them that their child had been killed by this monster. And finally I saw the doll, clasped tightly in that little's girl's hand, her only sense of security as Alexx apologized as she took it away.

I was on my feet and out the room in an instant. The chair hit the back of the wall behind me, making a clattering sound as it went. I couldn't breathe again, the air wasn't getting to my lungs like it was supposed to and I kept seeing their faces, every single one. On the milk cartons sand then dead in the ground. I'd been there at their unveiling as Alexx had pulled each and everyone of them out of the ground. I'd cried tears for them, and we'd taken an oath, we'd made a promise to their parents that he would never hurt another child again.

Vacant dead eyes were staring up at me, as the flesh stretched across the cheek bone taunt and dirty. Her lips were apart, arms out beckoning.

I threw open the door to the fire escape so hard it smashed against the exterior of the building with an almighty crash. I was clutching the railing in front of me so hard my knuckles were white as I tried to shove everything away. I bowed my head, hair falling across my face, trying to breathe, but I found I still couldn't.

That doll…Those eyes.

"Take long deep breathes. You're having a panic attack." A hand was on my back gently and soothing, bringing me back to where I was and what I was doing.

I pursed my lips together doing as I was told as Yelina's calming voice penetrated my ears.

"Just take deep breaths." She advised.

I could see her shoes in her field of vision and I focused on the instead of the memories of dead children. My heart was hammering in my chest, but it was slowing down, returning to normal. I let my head rest upon the cool metal bar for a minute. It was refreshing against the heat that was coursing through my body.

"This happen often?" Yelina asked quietly.

"Not as often as it used to, I've been under a lot of stress recently." I muttered, jerking away from the bar and righting myself.

"You need to pull yourself together for the sake of this case." Yelina told me.

I bit my lip, and exhaled deeply trying to control my temper.

"You didn't see what he did those children." I reminded her, wrapping my arms around myself.

"Horatio told me you were there helping Alexx as they helped pull out the bodies."

"There were twelve…" the words escaped me; I swallowed hard forcing back the images. "Otis is a monster, your right; I need to pull myself together."

I looked away rubbing at my eyes wearily.

"It's ok to feel like this you know, it can be hard to balance sometimes. I know Ray found I hard slipping back into this sort of life after being UC." She confided.

"I take it he told you…about me?"

"He…mentioned you. There's things I doubt he told anyone."

I nodded, before taking the cigarette packet out of my back pocket. I'd been smoking a lot more recently. I offered one to Yelina, she took it, before I handed her the tiny match book I also carried.

"You were at his funeral. I saw you with Horatio..."

There was a question in that statement. We were still taking about Ray and my connection to Ray.

"He was my mentor; he trained me before I went undercover in The Family."

"You were his success story.

"No, I was his downfall. I was injured one night; the FBI blamed him, bumped him back down to Narcotics." I said missing out a few key pieces of information but she didn't need to know them.

"That would explain his secrecy towards the end; he didn't tell me why he ended up working for Narcotics again. I think he blamed himself for what happened. He was subdued before he was killed."

There could be another reason he was subdued, but I kept that to myself.

"Is Horatio mad because I ran out like that?" I asked her curiously.

"Mad?" she asked incredulously, before shaking her head with a reassuring smile. "I think he knows you were in a bad place last time, and memories, they don't fade away so easy."

I tilted my head back before blowing the smoke out of my mouth.

"You got that right."

So you and Speedle…"

"Hm?"

"It's an odd match but it seems to work well. You two seem happy."

"We are…sort of."

"Sort of?"

"We're kind of fighting… A little."

"About what?"

"I'm sorry I don't usually talk about this kind of thing. Or anything really for that matter."

"Don't you think that part of accepting this life is opening up?"

I stared at her for a second, taking in her words.

"He won't take an HIV test, and Horatio spent all this money on it and he won't take it, and even if he does take it and he does have HIV he's leaving to go to Nevada or that's one of the places he's thinking about going, I don't really know since I only managed to get a look at his laptop for two minutes."

I wasn't proud about snooping and the truth was I needed to talk.

"Do you think maybe he's scared about this test?"

"I know he's scared, I just…It's not fair. You know what I mean. I get back, I finally sort all my shit out and I'm happy, I mean literally for three months before this I was happy and now God has just decided that he wants to fuck it all up again. I mean didn't I do enough, by giving him up the first time around? You know I'm pretty sure that this is punishment for leaving him." I whined.

"I doubt God is punishing either of you. Do you think maybe the pressure of you knowing maybe effects his decision? Speedle is in love with you, and I know for a fact that he doesn't want you to get hurt anymore. Going away is the only way out he sees. And I'm pretty sure you've been pushing him like hell to get the test done haven't you?" Yelina questioned.

I bowed my head.

"I can understand why but I think you need to give Speedle a little space. Maybe he needs a little time to figure out what he wants and how he can live with the results." She offered.

"I've been making this about me haven't I?" I pulled a face at my own behaviour.

"A little, but it's understandable it had been all about you up until six months ago. You deal with things now the way you did then and maybe its time to change that. There's not you anymore, there's Speedle. He needs support as someone who cares about him, not as a girl friend wanting to know the next step." Yelina said, dropping the cigarette on the ground and stamping on it.

"You wanna go see if Horatio's got anything for us?"

"The quicker Otis is behind bars the better; we promised Ruthie Creighton's mom that he wouldn't hurt another child."

"We'd better get going then." She moved towards the door as I said her name, her head tilting back towards me.

"Thanks…Talking to you helped."

"Not a problem Kate. Sometimes I think if Ray opened up, that things would be different." She told me looking down at her hands.

"It wasn't your fault he didn't. Ray… The only person he realised on was himself. I guess it must have been easier for him." I told her, shaking my head.

"Did he ever talk about me?" she asked suddenly.

I froze for a second before answering.

"Once…we didn't talk about our personal lives, it was a distraction from what we were struggling to achieve at the time. But he showed me a picture, of you and Ray." I dodged around the specifics.

She looked at me surprised.

"Come on let's find H." I murmured before guiding her back inside the lab.

* * *

The layout room was in full use as Horatio and Speed stood alongside each other, staring up at the pictures of each escapee.

"A carjacker, a kid killer and a stock broker. The one thing they have in common is a burning desire to get out of jail." Speed muttered, hand running over stubble of his cheeks thoughtfully.

"Speed." Horatio's voice was quiet and soothing, surprising Tim out of his thoughts. "Why haven't you taken the test yet?"

Speed crossed his arms over his chest and bowed his head.

"All the stuff from the cell is here on the desk…"

"Speed." Horatio implored.

Tim bit his bottom lip, before putting his hands on the desk in front of him and staring at the speed camera picture.

"I don't want to leave her H." The words tumbled out as Speed focused on the desk. "If it turns out I have it I can't stick around here, and I'm not ready to let her go."

Horatio slipped gracefully onto the stool next to the younger man, taking in the tension in his body before shaking his head.

"Speed, no one expects you to leave…"

"You don't get it, I'll have to leave, otherwise she'll stay here with me and I can't let her catch it. I can't watch her get sick because of me. No matter how safe you are, you can never be safe enough with HIV, and I know I will slip…" he squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back ignoring the tears burning behind his eyes. "It's not fair. She just came back and we…we were happy."

Horatio rested a hand upon the other man's shoulder.

"You can still be happy Speed; you need to get this weight off your chest. It's crushing you. You sound positive you have the disease, we won't know until you've done the test, then you can make all the hard decisions if it turns out you do, but I will always be beside you, always ready to help or talk." He paused, watching as Speed nodded.

"Now I think it may be time to set aside those fears don't you? You owe it to yourself and to Kate to do the right thing, and the right thing is taking the test, and I…I Speed will be right with you along the way."

Horatio's hand on his shoulder was reassuring and Tim was on his feet, sighing as H led him from the Trace Lab and towards the morgue so Alexx could withdraw his blood sample for the PCR DNA test.

* * *

I was breathless again, my lungs were burning and my chest was tight, yet I was in a state of perfect clarity as we reviewed the scene.

"You need to work out more Callahan." Delko remarked, standing next to me.

"I do work out; I just don't run as many miles as you. Got better things to do." I panted, wiping the sweat form my brow.

"Looks like we have a dead end ladies and gentleman." Horatio murmured as we all stood staring at the sight behind the dumpster.

The scent dog was whining and pacing restlessly behind us.

There were clothes behind the dumpster, I crouched down and fingered them gently though latex gloves. Emma's school uniform. Scattered around the blue blazer and grey skirt were locks of light brown hair. It felt fine between my finger tips; each lock was long, meaning Stuart had cut close to her head.

Seven years old…

"Put an APB out, he's travelling with a little boy." Horatio spoke in morose tones to Eric.

I sighed, biting my bottom lip and shaking my head.

I had to hand it to him Stewart was smart, and he also had another little girl.

* * *

The Ballistics Lab was silent; he could see Calleigh bent over the microscope as he leaned n the doorway watching her. His eyes roved over her body, taking in the curves before settling on her face.

Calleigh was a typical Southern Belle. She was beautiful, strong and flawless. He admired that in women, yet this case with Kerner, it made him protective. He was always protective, he was raised to believe that girls always needed a knight in shining armour, and all John ever wanted was to be somebody's hero.

He'd tried to be Kate's hero a long time ago. She was meant to give him a name, help him take down that dealer so he could take down the entire Narcotics structure in the mob, weaken them a little so he could get that promotion he'd wanted. So what he'd had to lean on Ray a little. The two of them were the same, they both wanted to be heroes and Ray, for a long time he was Kate's. No matter what came up he was there to handle it for her, and she trusted him unconditionally, until she found the Meth.

That's when she'd come to him and he was glad for it because he knew, in her own way, she was giving him a chance, a chance to do the right thing and be that person that she could rely on. She'd been asking for help last night, he remembered her emerald eyes wide and pleading, her hands shaking as she held the Meth out to him, asking him to help Ray, tell him to stop. He was his partner he would listen to John.

He knew he'd betrayed her; faith could never be redeemed once it was lost and it had been lost. Kate could barely look at him these days, no matter how much he apologised. It played in his mind over and over again; those precious seconds of hearing her beg and plead with him to help.

He regretted his decision, but at the time he'd just bought a new car and he really need that promotion, still that didn't change the fact he'd nearly got Kate killed. He hadn't known why Ray had got taken off Kate's case, but he gathered from the whispers that lingered and followed the other man that it was something serious. Hagen had gotten his promotion without Kate which was how, in turn him and Ray ended up as partners again in Narcotics.

He remembered her face at Ray's funeral. He hadn't expected her to be there. She was still undercover, but she'd managed to get away for this. Ray had meant a lot to her, to both of them, and they were both standing on opposite sides of his grave. John with Ray's widow on one side, and Kate with Ray's brother on the other. Kate never once looked up from that grave side, she hadn't even noticed that John was there; his eyes on her, watching her brush the tears away from her pale cheeks with the back of her hand. She didn't sob like Yelina, and he saw a quiet, graceful dignity in that.

He never approached her at the funeral, he couldn't. Horatio was there as always hovering and comforting her and John knew that of all the people at the funeral, it should have been him instead of Horatio. He never got a chance to talk to her at the wake because she wasn't there. He guessed she'd gone to New York, and back to her other life.

"You just gonna stand and stare Detective Hagen? Or is there something you're here for? Calleigh's voice penetrated his thoughts.

A slow smile crept across his face as he straightened himself in the doorway, before stepping inside.

"How's it going?" he asked, nodding at the microscope.

"You know bits and pieces." Calleigh returned, before glancing at the enlarged picture of the bullet she had laid out in front of her.

John opened his mouth to say more but was cut off by his cell phone suddenly erupting to life. He slipped it out of his pocket answering it gruffly, as Calleigh returned her focus back to the microscope.

"Yea, I'll be right there." He muttered, before hanging up and shoving his phone in his pocket.

He turned towards the door and halted upon feeling Calleigh's tiny hand on his arm. There was strength in her grip, enough to stop him in his tracks. He tilted his head toward her, they're eyes meeting as her hand withdrew.

"Is this about Hank Kerner?"

"Calleigh." His hands rested lightly on her shoulders.

Calleigh took a step back away form him. Hagen's hands came to rest back at his sides again.

"You can't protect everyone John." She stated, crossing her arms over his chest.

"You and Kerner have a history." He attempted.

"This was never about me; this was about how you couldn't protect Kate."

Her words hit him like a blow to the head, he stared at her stunned, his mouth moving but no sound was leaving his throat. Calleigh's eyes were fixed on him, her mouth set in a firm line.

"You see John; you may have not seen the importance of telling me about you and Kate having a past. But Kate did, she didn't want it to come between our friendship."

"I didn't see what relevance it had to our relationship. It was three years ago, and it wasn't up to Kate to tell you anything. That part of me died when Ray did. Anything to do with UC was gone." He tried to explain. "You didn't need to know, that's darker side of me that I do not want to delve into. You won't understand Calleigh what it's like…"

"Hm but Kate can." It was a statement more than a snipe.

She was assessing the argument from all angles, and she was being logical. This was nothing more than another puzzle to work out.

"Kate…" he sighed. "Kate was there, she knows things, she knew me. There are things that only the two of us could ever understand."

"You have a crush on her."

"Calleigh I don't."

"Come on John I can see it a mile away. Kate has her own life now. She's happy with Tim, stop chasing after her, and move on with your own life."

"I thought I was moving on with it, me and you…"

Calleigh stuck a hand up to silence him.

"You don't trust me with your personal life John, and trust is important to me. I can't be with someone that doesn't respect that. I'm sorry but you kept something from me and I... I feel like you're not in this a hundred percent. I see the way you look at Kate and I can't help but feel like I'm second best."

"Calleigh. Janet's dead."

It was the expression of horror on her face that made him realize that he'd actually said those words out loud. He swallowed hard, wishing he could take them back. Calleigh's eyes went glass as she rested against the desk for a second, her whole body deflating. She looked almost like a child.

"Janet… Janet's dead." Calleigh repeated slowly.

In her time of need John reached out for her, only to find that Calleigh was drawing away from him again.

"We need to get to the scene…" Calleigh began, shrugging off her lab coat.

"Calleigh, I think you need to take some time off, let the shock pass and…"

Calleigh cut him off.

"I am going to that scene with you John." Her voice was stubborn and firm, her expression fierce.

Hagen knew at that very moment that this was a fight that he was never going to win.

* * *

Simon Bishop's bungalow had the same single man's lay out as Tim's did, minus the science magazines and journals.

It probably belonged to the same real estate agent, I thought as I slipped on to our suspect's couch. Yelina took a chair across from Simon, her eyes on him as he seated himself in his chair across from the coffee table.

Trying to get some distance, I thought.

Horatio stood next to the mantle piece, well within in Simon's personal boundaries. I had to stop myself from smirking at the action.

"Where's the RV?" Horatio started, his back to Simon, as he looked over each photograph on the mantelpiece.

"What RV?"

There was sweat beginning to bead on his forehead, and we weren't even playing hard ball yet.

"I lent it to a friend." He said abruptly.

I threw the creased picture across the table towards him. Simon didn't touch it at all, he merely glanced.

"This friend?" I asked tilting my head.

"Stuart Odet, I met him online." Simon nodded as he spoke.

I leaned forward rested my elbows on my knees.

"So what? Perverts Anonymous have a website now?" I questioned.

"I don't know what you're suggesting…"

"Stuart Otis is a convicted child molester and child killer, did you know that?" I asked.

"He was about to be sentenced to death, when he broke out of prison." Yelina added, looking quite relaxed.

"He is also travelling…" Horatio paused, crouching down to retrieve something from the bin. "With a little girl disguised as a boy."

Simon was frowning now, unable to see what had caught Horatio's interest from the position in his own chair, His fingers laced together as he tried to peer around the chair that as obstructing is view.

"He was alone. He asked me to lend the RV and then he said he…" Simon's lie was cut off by Horatio rising to his feet, a discarded Happy Meal box in his latex covered hands.

"Since when does Chinese Food come with a kid's meal? Try again." Horatio's voice was low and I could hear the threatening tone in it.

Simon's expression was a picture, he squirmed in his sat a look of resignation passing over him, he was giving us something to hide something. Now that was interesting.

"He said her name used to be Emma but he didn't tell me her new name. I haven't seen them since; I don't know where they went."

I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from uttering the word liar under my breath. I had no patience with perverts.

"So you short eyes don't do each other favours?" Horatio murmured, his eyes on Simon the whole time.

Short eyes was a popular nickname for Paedophiles.

"Short eyes? I don't molest children." Simon protested half heartedly.

I rolled my eyes, as I sighed. Horatio was going to break him, whether Simon didn't realise that or he was stalling. He'd backtracked enough to look suspicious at least.

"Simon..." I drew his attention back to me, forcing a small smile as I spoke. "What did he want for the use of the RV? It's ok you can tell me, I'm not judgemental."

My own words were making me feel nauseous, but it was a facade, one that I hoped would get him to crack.

"Nothing." He mumbled, looking away.

"Nothing…" I repeated, bowing my head before raising it suddenly, letting all the rage feed into my body so he could see it in my eyes.

"Nothing? You're insulting me." I snarled.

Simon snapped, he was on his feet in an instant, eyes blazing, fists clenched tightly. I rose to my feet. I wasn't anywhere near his height but I had just as much anger and a hell of a way to use it.

"You're the one insulting me. Emotional intimacy doesn't come with a pre-determined age. We only challenge the accepted view children are not sexual." Simon spat.

"Same old excuses for what you perverts do right? Part of the great debate. What you seem to be forgetting is the world wide accepted view that exploiting a child in any way is a felony." I growled, hands on my hips, looking him straight in the eyes.

Simon had just given us something to use against himself and from the way he dropped back into his seat, and rubbed his face he knew it too.

"What have you got Simon? Come on let's go." Horatio prompted.

His voice was a welcome calm to my raised one; I slipped back onto the sofa taking a deep breath so not to lash out again. Paedophile cases were always the ones that made me angry. The victims were children, little people who couldn't speak for themselves and suffered years of abuse without saying a word. The fact Simon was admitting to helping Otis disgusted me, the fact he was one himself, well let's just say one more step out of line and I was going to go She-Hulk on his ass.

"Photographs." He muttered.

I stared at him indignant.

"Where?" Horatio pushed.

Simon reached down the side of the chair, down past the cushions and pulled out a stack of Polaroid's before setting them on the table. The pile slipped and splayed across the table, I could see Emma's face all over them at different angels and in varying states of undress. My stomach turned, I could feel the bile at the back of my throat, before I forced myself to look away and focus on something simple, like the lamp behind Simon's head.

"He said he took them in their first few hours together." He added, with a shrug.

Yelina was on her feet before I was, she'd been curled up like a cat on the comfy chair, waiting.

"Simon Bishop you are under arrest for the possession of child pornography."

We were all on our feet, Yelina's cuffs were out and she restraining Simon easily but he was arguing. Like always they had to get the last word.

"But they're not even mine, she's not even my type!" he shouted, trying to fight Yelina's grasp.

I took a step forward towards him, his eyes fell on me surprised and enraged.

"You like the little boys right? The one's you coach on your soccer team, and in basketball." I was inches away, my body not touching him but close enough so I could feel his breath on my face.

"Well let me tell you a little something, I personally am going to make sure every single child off of those teams is interviewed and if I find that you so much as touched one of them, the only children you are ever going to see are going to be in your head while some convict makes you his bitch." I whispered with a fury I felt so hard, it was a struggle not to hit him.

"You can't do that…I mean seriously you can't do that." Simon yelled as Yelina shoved him towards the living room door way.

"The badge says I can." I called after him.

I pivoted at the sound of Horatio chuckling next to me, his eyes on the sunglasses in his hands.

"I can do that right?" I questioned curiously.

Horatio nodded.

"Get someone on it. I want his crimes to go punished." Horatio stated, gathering up the photographs off of the coffee table.

I pulled out my cell phone and began to dial; we were on our way to making a few children's lives just that little bit better.

Little did we know at that point, that Simon's computer would help us find the small Paedophile ring that Simon and Otis were both part of and that Vice would eventually rescue over twenty children from both sexual and physical abuse.

* * *

Tim was studying the sheet in front of him, his eyes running over the results over and over again. He couldn't believe it, he just absolutely refused to believe it but there it was on a sheet of paper in his hand the results of his HIV test.

"Tim, can I ask a favour?" Calleigh ducked into the Trace Lab, in her hands a small vial of black oil.

Speedle cleared his throat gruffly as he slide the sheet of paper underneath a folder.

"Yea sure, I was just…"

"Doesn't someone look guilty, what were you doing?" she teased.

Speedle fixed her with a dark look.

"You favour?" he reminded her.

"Oh yeah, can you run this sample through the Mass Spec?" she asked brightly pushing the sample towards him over the desk.

"Sure." He took it from her and rose to his feet.

Calleigh was still lingering by the desk, looking lost.

"Are you ok?" he asked, glancing at her sidelong.

Calleigh hesitated before the words rambled out of her mouth while she looked down at the pictures on the desk.

"John thinks I should stay at yours tonight."

Tim looked away, concentrating on the vial for a second as he placed it in the Mass Spec.

"You could do but I won't be there." He paused for a second. "Why would he suggest that anyway? I mean its fine but it's weird."

He looked to Calleigh, as he shut the door on the Mass Spec, frowning.

"Don't you think?"

"I think he's being over protective." Calleigh stated her arms crossing over her chest.

"Guys usually are with their girls." Tim pointed out.

"It's overbearing." Calleigh commented.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Speedle asked, thoughtfully taking in her words.

"I broke up with John because of something Kate told me. I think he may say something to her." Calleigh revealed quietly.

"I'm sure Kate can deal with him talking to her." Tim responded.

"The problem is he has a temper and Kate riles him." Calleigh said softly.

Tim turned to face her; Calleigh's arms were wrapped around herself as she tried to look nonchalant.

"Calleigh did he…has he hit you?" Tim asked lightly, his eyes taking in her stance and he found himself thinking he'd never seen Calleigh like this.

"So are you taking off for a few days? I heard you asked for some leave." Calleigh changed the whole subject, leaving Speedle silent for a second.

"Yea for a little while. We… I need to figure some stuff out." He told her looking down at his hands.

"Does Kate know?"

Tim turned his face away.

"She's hung up on the Otis case right now, so no she doesn't know, not yet." He ran a hand through his hair. "Look if you need to stay at my place, I can give you the key."

Calleigh shook her head with a small smile.

"Thanks, I just… I need to be at my place tonight."

Tim bowed his head crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm sorry about Janet." He murmured.

"We spent so much time protecting other people that we forgot that we might actually be in danger. I forgot that she; she wasn't as untouchable as I think I am." Calleigh murmured.

She sniffed a little. Calleigh never sniffed, at lest she never sniffed in front of him. Maybe it was the time he had been spending with Kate or maybe it was because finally he didn't feel like he was the only one going through a tough time, but Tim Speedle found himself wrapping his arms around Calleigh Duquesne and hugging her. Calleigh's body went rigid for a second, he knew she was shocked, but then it relaxed. Her hands were holding onto his shirt tightly, balled up into fists, her knuckles scraping his skin as he felt he front of his shirt go wet as sobs escaped her.

Speedle had never seen Calleigh cry before; he'd never been the one to comfort her when something went wrong because she never showed it. They were alike that way, but he knew it wasn't healthy. He knew she needed someone, so he'd stepped up and he was there, holding her in the middle of the Trace Lab as she cried into his chest.

"I'm sorry Cal. I'm sorry that Janet died."

He rested his chin on the top of her head, as he rubbed her shoulder.

"I am so sorry."

* * *

The parking lot of the Orange Bowl was completely empty upon our arrival; there wasn't a car in sight, let alone an RV. I was not impressed with the fact Simon had lied to us and had consistently tried to mislead us and it showed.

"Will you stop her manhandling me?" he whined to Horatio was I yanked him forward towards a parking spot.

"If you told us the truth I would stop being physical with you." I retorted, dragging him until we were in front of a puddle of green liquid. "I don't see an RV Simon."

"I'm telling you this was it!"

"Well it's not here now is it?"

I was resisting the urge to smack him on the back of the head.

"But I'm telling you this is it, will you stop being so physical?!" he snarked at me.

"You know for someone who's damaged as many lives as you, you better be glad this is all I'm doing." I commented.

Simon's eyes were on me, a smirk crossing his rat -like features.

"Your one of those, you have a special type of hate for our kind, what did he do to you?"

"Who?" I questioned moderately confused.

"The guy that touched you… Was it you or someone close to you? A sister? A best friend? A niece? Did he sneak into your bedroom at night and cover your mouth while his hand slipped up your night gown. Or was it at school in the janitor's closet? Every time you smell that brand of bleach do you still break into a cold sweat?" Simon sneered.

My fingers dug into his arm as I yanked him to halt, using enough pressure to almost rip his arm from his socket.

"It was seeing Ruthie Creighton's body, splayed out like a rag doll across a bathroom floor in a kid's fun park. It was helping the coroner lift every single body of all the children your friend Stewart raped and murdered out of the ground. It was seeing a little girl clutching a doll to her because she was terrified, and the fact he buried her with it."

I was shaking, I was so furious, my breathing was ragged and my nostrils flared as I saw body after body patrolled in front of me. A line of corpses one by one, holding up each little report Alexx had wrote detailing her findings. I was going to have to do something with this rage after this case or I was going to kill someone, very likely Simon here.

The impact to my chest was instantaneous; I choked, winded as Simon rammed his shoulder into my thorax and took off running across the parking lot.

"You stupid little shit." I snarled, recovering quickly.

I was utterly fuelled with fury now, and despite the fact I was running in heels, Simon Bishop had the disadvantage of running in hand cuffs. I caught up with him after a sprint almost a quarter way around the parking lot, my hand hit him smack in the back, shoving him forward so he overbalanced and hit the gravel face first.

I was on him in seconds my knee driving into the centre of his back, as I grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked his hair back to lift his face from the ground leaning in so I could speak to close to his ear.

"You ever run away from me again and I'm not even gonna bother chasing you, I'm gonna pull my gun out and shoot you just the way you deserve to be put down." I spat.

Yelina was standing next to me; I could feel her eyes taking in the situation as my whole body panted trying to catch my breath.

"I'll take it from here Kate." Yelina uttered, her hand clasping my shoulder, a calming influence.

I nodded before rising to my feet and brushing the sweat off my brow with the back of my hand. Yelina was hauling Simon up by the hand cuffs as he yowled in pain, he turned his head towards me and I could see the grazes all over his face and smirked in satisfaction, especially when I caught sight of the blood dripping from his nose.

"I guess it was the janitor's closet after all." He sneered.

I withdrew away from him, shaking my head and wrapping my arms around myself against the sudden coldness. My loathing for him was evident across my face as Yelina pulled him away, I couldn't help but get one last dig in.

"Let me give you a little tip for lock up." Simon twisted his head towards me, as I winked. "Don't drop the soap."

* * *

I was riding with Yelina. Eric was up front in the Hummer with Horatio as we followed the chemical pattern along the streets and eventually into the Everglades. I'd kicked off my shoes in the passenger seat of Yelina's car because the running in them had hurt my feet. There was silence between us; I was staring out the window hand pressed to my mouth when she started talking.

"It was true wasn't it? What he said." She murmured, her accent making her voice seem softer.

I glanced down at my pink and black striped socks, my fingertips running over my lips as I spoke.

"I don't know how he knew about the janitor's closet; it must be a pervert thing." I murmured. "I was seven when it happened, taking the attendance sheet to the school office. One kid always used to do that out of our class and on Thursdays it was me. I remember I was wearing a green dress, it had this bow at the back, I used to love that dress it made me feel like a Princess because of that bow and it was frilly at the bottom."

I was lost now, lost in the memories of that day as I recounted it to myself and then to Yelina.

"The janitor's closet was on the way to the office on the left side of the hall, I heard the door open, he tugged my bow, pulled me in by it. The closet wasn't even that big really, but he was standing in front of the door. I remember there was a shelf behind me, digging into my back. He was on his knees…and he touched my face. He said I was a pretty girl, a very pretty girl and that this would be our little secret, he said it was the dress that made him pick me. It made me look like a princess."

The words tasted bitter in my mouth as my voice lowered, my eyes on the window. I could taste the drain cleaner that he smelt like in the back of my throat just like I had then.

"Then he lifted my dress up and slipped his hand into my panties…and it hurt." My eyes were burning now as I hid them behind my hand. "It hurt so much; he was dong something with his other hand to himself. I didn't know what but he was muttering and whispering to himself, telling himself it felt good and I froze I couldn't move, I just let him."

I wiped the tears away with the palm of my hand feeling angry at myself, angry and ashamed.

"Everything after that feels like it was a blur, I just went back to class and sat down, never spoke a word. Not to anyone, my mom noticed I wouldn't eat and she thought I was sick. I was off school for two days and that's when… That's when my dad told me. He'd been arrested for touching some other little girl, a teacher had opened the closet door because she heard crying and that's what she'd found…" I was looking down at my hand now, my fist clenched, nails digging into my palm, pulling myself away from the event as I swallowed hard.

"My dad… I think my dad realized not long after. He was using the same brand of drain cleaner to clean the drains and he went to hug me…I guess I freaked out, screaming and scratching. I locked myself in the bathroom, and it took him over an hour to talk to me out. After that he changed brands, he took me to kids therapy a few times, I hated it…I hated reliving it over and over again but dad made it better. Afterwards he took me out for ice cream or bought me a new book for sticking with it. After awhile, it started to get better; I didn't have nightmares I could walk past the janitor's closet without breaking a sweat. I didn't think about it much when I was growing up until… well, until I ended up in the back of a car with a boy."

Yelina was silent but I could tell she was listening from the way she cocked her head and clenched her jaw.

"I hated sex." I admitted in a small voice. "But I was seventeen and I loved my boyfriend so I just kept doing it. Everyone else I knew was doing it.

"The second guy, Chris O'Malley, I met him in college after mom and dad died. I was having some sort of wild child rebellion, you know the whole nine yards, lashing out, smoking pot, drinking and dying my hair. I did things that I would never ever do again; I don't even remember half the things I did because I was so drunk. I could make it to lectures and absorb the information but after them I was right back in Chris's basement smoking pot and getting pissed. It was a coping mechanism. I was so mad at mom and dad for getting killed…"

I shook head, fist pressed to my mouth now, Yelina had opened the flood gates and I couldn't stop. I felt it was important that she should know this, she should know me.

"One day it was like I was waking up, it was crunch time. Everyone was telling us how important this was, the final stretch and all that. That was it. So I woke up, quit the drink, and weaned myself off the pot. I stopped returning Chris's calls, talked to my professor and managed to get on the Master's programme and that's how I met Tim. I knew the first time he kissed me he was different. It was like we were two lost souls clinging to each other. He knew what it was like to be…damaged, in a way we'd both been running from things in our past and we bumped, right into each other. Two people that were never more perfect for each other."

I smiled at the memory; it had been a turning point, when things had started to go good again.

"Tim knew…the first time we were making out and it got heavy. It was like he could sense it, I never worked out how he knew but he did and he stopped because he didn't want me to be afraid of him. He cared about me a lot, and I just told him, I told him everything. He was the first person I told about the…about what happened. After that…" I glanced at Yelina.

"I felt like I was free again. Like all that pain and darkness I'd been holding onto had just gone away and there was this space right here." I put my hand over my heart. "And in the end he filled it. There was no one else after Tim; no one could have filled that space again. After the Ruthie Creighton case I was haunted by everything, I was distraught and even though we were barely talking, he stayed with me. He knew what I needed."

"You're lucky to have found a man like that, not many people do. You should hold onto him." Yelina said quietly, we were on the dirt tracks now, and in the outskirts of the city.

"I'm sorry you didn't need to hear about my crappy life." I said, rubbing the bridge of my nose with two fingers as I soothed away the tension.

"I'm just glad you trusted me enough to tell me and that you managed to restrain yourself back there with Simon. I doubt I would have been able to control myself." Yelina said with a small smile.

"I couldn't show he was getting to me otherwise he's won. I do trust you; it's just hard, because there's Ray sitting between us. He's been gone three years now and he's still sitting right here between us. I'll tell you what, for listening to be ramble, you get to ask me anything you want and I will tell you the truth."

Yelina let out a dull sigh as her hands clenched the steering wheel tightly.

"I know what Ray was like Kate…You don't have to tell me anything. I don't hold you accountable. I know what it's like to be in that position and I know good Ray was talking his way around people. So I have no questions, just promise me you won't throw away this thing with Speedle. He makes you happy and I know you make him happy. I want to see someone around here happy, for once."

I bowed my head, before pushing a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"I'll try…I promise I really will try." I murmured, looking up as Yelina began to slow down.

"Have we found them?" I queried, trying to peer through the darkness outside and around the Hummer as it came to a halt.

"It looks like it." Yelina said, switching of the engine.

"Are you ready for this?" she asked, turning in her seat to face me as I slipped my shoes back on.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

It was early morning by the time we made it back to the Lab. I'd been working along side the graveyard shift to document and collect from the RV and the scene. After Horatio's discovery of Emma, we'd had her rushed to Angel of Mercy, where he'd stayed with her every step of the way through everything. We'd arrived back at the lab at the same time. Emma looked a little more refreshed now after her ordeal but she still seemed irresponsive.

I gripped the metal travel mug tightly in my hand as I paced through the glass corridors of the lab, sipping the well earned coffee from it. Tim looked up from the paperwork he was sifting through as I stepped into the Trace Lab, taking a long warm sip of coffee. I'd stopped off in the locker room before retrieving my beverage from the break room. In the drama of last night I'd spent hours kneeling down, caked in mud, surveying the scene for anything else Stewart may have dumped there. Thankfully we'd found nothing.

I slipped onto the stool across from him, setting my travel mug on the desk and resting my chin on my hand as I leaned on the table. He raised his eyes to me as he stopped scribbling on the paper in front of him.

"Hey." He greeted, setting down his pen.

I gave him a small hand wave before peering at his paper. He was writing up the reports so far. Dotting the I's and crossing the T's he called it.

"I heard you guys found the girl." He said, his eyes slipping back to the paper.

"Yea, luckily she was alive, Otis tried to strangle her and then buried her out in the Everglades. He was careless though, he didn't do a very good job. Horatio's just brought her back from the hospital; he's going to have a talk with her see what she can tell us." I informed him, setting my arms on the table and resting my cheek on them and closing my eyes.

"You ok?" he asked, his voice was closer now.

I felt his warm presence next to me before he combed his fingers gently through my hair.

"Hm. Just tired, I've been up over twenty fours and this case is both emotionally and physically challenging." I murmured as his hand cupped my cheek.

I rubbed my face against his rough skin gently, enjoying the comfort.

"Yelina…" he cleared his throat before starting again. "Yelina mentioned what the Simon Bishop said to you."

I raised my head off the desk and fixed my gaze on him a small smile playing across my lips.

"Did she also mention that the bastard tried to make a break for it so I chased him these little high heel boots and took him down?" I asked lightly.

Tim bowed his head smirking, withdrawing his hand from my face and staring at his knotted fingers.

"I guess you can take care of yourself huh?" he said quietly.

I reached out and took his hands in mine. He looked up meeting my eyes, before studying my face.

"You gave me that strength." I told him, my thumbs tracing patterns on his palms. "I don't want you to leave me Tim, because I need you. I need you to stay, here with me. I mean if you want to we can just be friends but I can't stand not having you near me. Everything gets to me; it gets so painful sometimes I can't breathe."

"Kate, I'm clean." He leaned in, his face inches from mine, his hands supporting his body on either side of the stool, as my worn out brain stumbled over the words.

"Are we talking you just had a shower clean, or other clean?" I asked cautiously.

My heart was beating in my chest, the blood pounding through my veins as he used his right thumb to caress my cheek as he met my gaze, his expression elated as I sat there in trepidation.

"I'm talking HIV clean. As in I don't have it."

There was a moment of pure silence between us, where Tim stared at me and I stared right back, waiting for the words to feed into my brain.

"Does that mean you're staying?" The words tumbled out of my mouth.

Tim tapped my nose with his fingertip; I stared at the end of my pulling a face as he did it.

"Right here with you." He uttered, before pressing his lips to mine.

His lips felt soft, the kiss was tender as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. His skin was hot underneath his shirt as my body brushed against him, my fingers running through his thick dark hair. We drew away, getting a sense of place, remembering where we were but we didn't go far. I still hand my fingers laced along the back of his neck, and he was still standing in front of me gaze never wavering.

"I have a proposition for you." He murmured against my skin as his cheek rubbed across mine.

"Hm…I like sound of that." I breathed as his lips traced my throat lightly.

"It's not that kind of proposition, but we can do that on the way there. I have five weeks to make up for."

"Five very long pleasure-less weeks." I reminded him, with a quiet moan as his teeth grazed my neck. "How will you make up for it?"

Tim pulled away, leaving me pouting as he reached into his back pocket taking out two multicoloured strips of something and handing them to me. I frowned, recognizing the airline logo on the front and discovered they were in fact two tickets to Las Vegas.

"First class, for three days, we come back on the third evening."

I looked up at Tim with wide eyes, mouth open unable to formulate a proper sentence.

"Wow... I mean I don't know what to say. I mean wow, this is…." I was on my feet waving the tickets around trying to get a grasp on myself again while Tim stood there grinning.

"So you wanna go to Vegas with me?" he asked, tilting his head and raising his eyebrows.

I flung myself at him, Tim caught me easily. His arms wrapped around me, clasping my body to him, Tim's lips kissed the top of my head. My cheek was resting on his chest, listening to his heart beating as his fingers stroked my hair. I looked up at him, unable to stop smiling as he beamed at me.

"Yes," I rubbed my face across his kitty-cat stubble. "Yes I will go to Vegas with you."

"The flight leaves at seven tonight. I tried to leave enough time for the case to be over." I drew away, still holding one of his hands between mine.

"It sounds perfect. I will pack for warm weather and you get to join the Mile High Club…again."

My cell phone went of suddenly, interrupting the banter between us. I reached down to answer it, taking in all the details Horatio was giving me before snapping it closed again and meeting Tim's interested gaze.

"I gotta go, they think Otis is going after Emma's cousin Robyn, they're on a school trip at the aquarium." I said hurriedly clipping my cell back onto my pants.

"Ground rules, no feeding him to the sharks, or chucking him into a tank ok?" Tim warned with a pointed look.

"We have Vegas in less then twenty four hours!" I punched the air, yelling as I stepped out the door.

I could hear Tim's laughter following me down the corridor as I made my way towards the reception area.

* * *

I was in the elevator already, palming the button for the parking garage as the metal doors closed when a hand gripped the door forcing them to open. I raised an eyebrow as the doors opened revealing Hagen standing there, dishevelled, one hand on the door, his head handing to the left looking at me sullen.

"Mind if I ride the elevator with you?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

I sighed.

"I don't own it and as far as I can tell it's a free country." I replied.

John stepped into the lift; both of us facing the doors, his shoulder brushed mine. As the doors closed I wondered how uncomfortable being in confined space with John Hagen really was going to be.

There was silence between the two us, that was until he reached across me and hit the stop button.

"What the hell to you think your doing?" I snarled, turning my body to face him.

"You told Calleigh about us." His finger was jabbing in my chest painfully; I took a step back and found myself pressed against the elevator wall.

"There was no us John. So I hope it's that scar you're referring to." I snapped back, smacking his finger away from me.

"You didn't need to tell her what happened!"

"Why?" because you…" I used bunny ears before I said the next word. "Love her so much."

"I do love Calleigh, a lot more than Speedle does."

"What the fuck John? Grow the hell up." I shouted, feeling my temper bite, just like it always had around him.

"I saw them together, they were holding each other." He informed me.

I could feel a tension headache coming on; it was gnawing at my temples and in the back of my head.

"Janet just died, her best friend was murdered by Hank Kerner, and Tim, her other friend, was comforting her. Your still a selfish bastard, just like always ain't you Hagen?"

His hands were on my arms now, his grip tight, his fingers digging into my skin. I fought the panic I felt, even as I smelt the alcohol on his breath. Smokey, just like whiskey. The trick was never show your fear. The minute they knew you were scared they had all the power.

"Is this what you did to Calleigh John?" My hands reached out and straightened the labels of his suit jacket, it distracted him. "I saw the bruises on her arms when we were getting changed in the locker room this morning. You don't know you're own strength do you?"

He leaned in close and all I could see were his eyes, his woeful little eyes boring straight into mine. The grip on my arms was relaxing now and for that I was relieved but he was still well within my personal space.

"I tried Kate, I kept trying but she knows how I feel about things…About you. I wanted you back then you know, but Ray had you and I thought when you came to me with the Meth you could go for a guy like me, but then I screwed it up over that damn promotion. I chose the job over you."

I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe because his hand had curved up from my arm, over my shoulder and was now cradling my head. His thumb was tracing the line of my jaw as his eyes wandered. I was frozen, pressed against the cold elevator wall, repulsed. Hagen wasn't a monster but I knew the man needed help; he was sliding down a long slippery slope.

"John." I swallowed hard, feeling bile in the back of my throat. "Horatio is waiting for me downstairs, Otis is at the aquarium, he's planning to snatch a little girl."

Hagen withdrew slightly, his hand glided back down to my arm again as he looked at me blankly.

"I need to go." I confirmed quietly.

Hagen nodded clasping his hands in front of himself. I pushed the button slowly, trying to make any sudden movements.

"You've been drinking again haven't you?" I said almost sadly as the lift started to move again. "You still carry that hip flask he gave you, in your top inside pocket."

"You remember…" he mumbled, his eyes glazed over.

"I remember that Ray gave it to you on your birthday and the little party we had." I remised for a second.

"The cupcake with the candle in was the nicest thing anyone ever did for me. Thank you for that. I never said thanks back then. I never told you how much it meant." His fingers sought out mine; he uncurled my fist and clasped my hand tightly.

"You need to get help John." We were on the floor before the parking garage now so I was sure I was almost safe. "You're hurting the people you love, and I know you're not like that. All the pressure left over from Ray's death. I know it wasn't easy being named and shamed as his partner."

"I didn't get him killed that night." He muttered.

"That doesn't make you stop feeling guilty that he did." I pointed out as the elevator chimed.

"I gotta go." I went to step out of the elevator as the doors opened, taking a fresh breath of freedom before his hand descended on my arm again, yanking me back.

It took all the self restraint I possessed not to hit him and run.

"When this is over, when your case is over, you wanna go grab a drink?" he asked, his eyes taking in my face.

"I have other plans tonight John." I informed him, feeling like I was so close to getting away from him.

"Plans with Speedle? I don't get what you see in him. Me and you we have a whole history. You and Speedle played house a couple of years ago. I know you Kate, I know everything about you." There was a threatening edge to his voice but I felt a sudden burst of courage from the footsteps I heard pacing towards us from behind me.

"You don't know my bra size." I winked before tearing my arm away and stalking as fast as I could towards Horatio and the Hummer.

I paused for a moment, glancing back, seeing him linger outside the lift eyes on me even though I was half way thorough the parking lot. So I called out to him.

"Oh by the way John get some help before you're made to."

* * *

The aquarium was dark; there were halogen lights towards the left side of the corridor guiding people so they would know where the exits were. The children were in a group huddled near the centre of the tunnel. Their faces were turned up in awe as they watched the shark swim overhead as the speaker talked, letting them know the different facts about the animal.

Otis was here, I could see him with the aquarium logo patched onto his khaki jacket. He was bending down next to a little girl whispering in her ear, that lecherous smile spreading across his features. I felt sick to the very core of my being. I'd seen the after effects of Stuart's conquest but the actual method.

He must have sensed the intensity of my glare as I stood there watching, because he looked up, eyes focusing on my face before sweeping towards me badge. Horatio was somewhere in the crowd, and Stuart's body jerked around looking for him, and that was it. The moment he saw Horatio was the moment he snatched the kid.

His arm snaked around her waist as hauled her up under his arm and took off running in the opposite direction towards a set of stairs. I saw Horatio seconds behind as I burst through the crowd, pushing and shoving my way through until I got to the staircase.

Each step felt like a lifetime and I took them two at a time. I wanted to get Otis so badly, the thought of him hurting another child made me furious. Otis was evil. Pure unadulterated evil in a pathetic little body. When he got the needle this son of a bitch was going straight down to hell.

A door was open, letting sunlight filter through it and into the dark stairwell. I unclipped my gun from the holster before stepping into the dazzling sunlight.

From what I could see we had ourselves a stand off.

Stewart was backed again the white wall of the balcony, his hand was locked around Robyn's throat, her cheeks were flushed and red. Tears were leaking from her eyes as she choked and sobbed into the open air. Horatio was little way away from me, his gun trained on Stuart, his demeanour calm and collected. He was cooler than I was right now, I wouldn't take me more than five seconds to put a bullet in Stuart's brain. It would probably traumatise Robyn even more though, and she was the main concern.

"There's no way out Stuart, let her go." Horatio called out across the balcony, inching closer to the other man and his captive.

"I'll kill her Horatio." Stuart shouted back, his grip tightening on Robyn's throat.

"I'm not going to ask you again Stuart. Let her go!"

"I love them, I can't do without them." Stuart was sweating now, it was pouring off his forehead, as he glanced back over the ledge.

"That's not her fault." Horatio spoke, determined, taking another step forward.

It happened quickly, so quickly I almost blinked and missed it. Stuart suddenly had Robyn in his arms preparing to throw her over the wall. He wrenched in pain as the bullet from Horatio's gun hit him. His hands slipped off the little girl, leaving Robyn planted firmly on the ground as his body buckled and went over the edge.

Horatio was by Robyn's side in an instance, but I stuck standing there unmoving. Was that it? Was it over now?

Horatio was crouched down now, talking to Robyn in hushed tones as he pointed at me. The little girl was still crying as she ran towards me. Tears clung to her long lashes as she held out her hand, sobbing. I took it, grasping it warmly as I spoke.

"Your safe now sweetheart. Come on let's get you home to mommy."

I turned Robyn so she was facing the doorway before I glanced over my shoulder. Horatio apparently was still locked in an epic battle with Stewart, as he tried to haul the other man up and over the side. I have to admit there was a moment where I pondered wouldn't it have just been better for everyone if he'd let the bastard fall.

* * *

The three of us were sitting in the break room, sipping Eric's special brand of Cuban coffee. Calleigh was perched next to Eric on the couch across from me, while I curled up in the comfy chair across from them.

"So Otis and Kerner are locked up back where they belong and all of Miami can sleep easy tonight." Eric finished our joint telling of our days.

"Well some of them at least." I tilted my head, on my hand and peered at Calleigh wearily. "You want me to stay? Tim will understand."

Calleigh shook her head, her smile looked watery and her expression pained as she clenched the coffee cup between her hands.

"No you and Tim deserve some time together, especially after his HIV scare and I think it'll be good for you both. Be away from work and just together, I hear he's booked a fantastic suite." Calleigh smirked, hiding a smile behind her coffee.

"Did you help him pick this fantastic accommodation?" I asked pointedly.

"Trust me you'll love it." Calleigh winked.

"I notice your wearing a skirt huh." Eric nodded at my attire, grinning from ear to ear. "You hoping to get some in flight action?"

"I like skirts." I said smoothing the back pencil skirt over my thighs. "They're just hard to run in when you're chasing down perps."

My cheeks were flushing; I hid my smile behind my hand as I thought of the real reason.

"Look she's blushing." Calleigh giggled, pointing at me.

"You two are awful." I told them playfully before turning to more serious matters. "You sure your gonna be ok tonight?"

Calleigh exhaled deeply, before taking a sip of her coffee and nodding.

"I'm going to stay over tonight, keep her company." Eric reassured me, giving Calleigh a quick squeeze.

"No midnight tip toe." I teased.

"You know what he's like." I reminded Calleigh.

"No way. Eric is taking the couch tonight, aren't you?" Calleigh nudged him with her elbow.

"Ouch, Jesus woman yes I am staying on the couch. God you make one mistake…" he mumbled, his hand to the spot where Calleigh had elbowed him.

"Hm Kate." I turned my head, beaming to see Horatio standing there in the doorway, a small smile crossing his features.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" he asked.

I glanced at my watch before bolting out of my chair and grabbing my suitcase.

"Shit, how did this happen? How can I be this late?" I rambled, checking through my carry on luggage for passport and purse.

Horatio held up the keys, jangling them in my direction.

"Come on. I'll give you a ride."

* * *

Miami International was heaving with people. There were so many, they all merged into a blur after a while but that didn't stop him from scanning each and every face, looking for any sign of Kate. There were people hugging and kissing in all different directions, people saying good bye to their loved ones, sons, daughters, fathers…

Speedle ran a hand through his hair, pacing in front of his seat, the black hold all swaying at each turn, as his hands ran over his stubble. She was late, no doubt about it. She was probably going to miss this flight.

No, he corrected himself. They were going to miss this flight.

He knew he should have booked an later one, he knew this case would go one that little bit longer and he should have afforded them both time. He was annoyed at himself, for not foreseeing this. He was never this whimsical, never in the whole thirty years he'd been alive. Yet the HIV test had shown him to be, the minute he'd accepted those results he'd booked this trip because he owed her for what he'd out her through, and because he knew that this case was getting to her just like the other one had. More than anything he knew she deserved this and he, had just blown a chunk of his savings to give it to her.

He checked his watch.

Five minutes.

She wasn't going to make it.

"Tim! Tim!" he could hear his name being called over the noise and he turned to see Kate's head bobbing up and down as she waved her hand frantically at him, fighting through the crowd of people.

He rushed to her as she flung her arms around his neck, hugging him close as his cheek brushed hers. He could feel her breathing ragged and panting as their chests pressed together, her heart beating manically against his.

"I thought you were going to go without me." She said before drawing back, her hands resting on his forearms.

"Never." He grinned, entwining his fingers in hers and guiding her towards the check in counters with long confident steps.

"I'm so sorry I was late, I stopped off at the Crime Lab to make sure Calleigh was ok and then Horatio had to use the lights and the siren to get me here…It was a nightmare." She rambled as she handed the clerk her passport.

Speedle did the same, letting his arm wrap around Kate's waist before he nuzzled her neck.

"All that matters is your here right now."

And with that they were on their way to Vegas.

* * *

_**Lol Sorry peeps, there's no crossover. I'm not really a fan of Vegas. You'll get to see what a wild time these two have though. I can't say it all runs smooth either.**_

_**Thank you to lurkers and reviewers. You keep this alive and also special thanks to BEG75 for listing to me whine and throw ideas at her.**_

_History Nerd: lol I'm glad you loved it, and FK chapters take me ages to write because their so long and complicated._

_Lapland: Thank you for the love, lol if it's magic love, hopefully it'll stop me being ill. I'm glad I fooled you into thinking it was Kate lol but I think Tim would have gone that little bit extra crazy if it had been, which we get to see him like in two or three chapters. The case of the mutilated girl comes back to haunt them in Season 4. I always thought Tim would be like that if he had a storyline like that. I felt for him my self at the end. Originally he was going to be mean and break up with her, leading up to Blood Bros and a few things that happen there but I have something else for that. Lol I was thinking late night at the ER, Your bound to get pervs. Thank you for the encouragement._

_BEG: I'm glad it freaked you out lol, I worked very hard on it. Lol it was a fab storyline the HIV thing, you can thank Colin for the notes on the bite! Thanks for the help with the ending, I know Speed's the paranoid type so I thought condom sex would just be wrong. I was like aw Tim don't be sick! You owe me a Speedle remember._

_Yoda: Hey it's always great to meet a new reader, I'm glad you liked what I have so far; I have a lot planned out for the two of them. Season 2 holds a lot of surprises or one major one in general. Season 3 we get the Mob eventually catching up with her. Lol I'm blushing over the great author thing, thankies your sweet!_

_Pip: lol I am so glad you like it, lol it's really hard to update regularly because the chapters take so long to write, but I'm glad you like it! Thanks for the review, I hope you stick with it._


	16. Chapter 16: What Happens In Vegas

**AN: Rated M for Smut!**

Chapter Sixteen: What Happens In Vegas

_And you say we're too young, _

_But maybe you're too old to remember  
And I try to pretend but I just feel it when we're together  
And if you don't believe me, you never really knew us  
You never really knew_

_Who's to say we won't stay together?  
Who's to say we aren't getting stronger?  
Who's to say I can't live without you?_

_Vanessa Carlton – Who's To Say?_

The restroom of the plane was tiny; there was a toilet, a sink and barely any leg room for one person let alone two. The door was locked and Tim was standing right in front of me, hands on my hips, smoothing over my ass as his lips descended on mine almost feverishly. We were both hot, and God I'd wanted him the moment I'd stepped onto this plane. Five long weeks had driven me almost insane.

We were pressed up against each other, my lower back slamming against the sink as my tongue slipped into his mouth, teasing and tasting him, my hand massaging his cock through his jeans until it was fully erect.

"Did you wear a skirt for me?" he breathed in my ear, his hand gliding up my thigh and towards my panties.

I arched against him as his fingers found my clit through the moist material of my panties and began to massage it in slow, deliberate circles.

"Hm your wet already." He murmured, pushing my panties aside so he could slip his fingers inside me, his lips were on my throat, sucking the skin there.

My body bucked against him for a second, my breathing ragged as his hand slipped under my shirt, pushing the cup of my bra down so he could toy with my nipple. His fingers were hitting that sweet spot now, and I trying to keep quiet, moaning into his shoulder as he fucked me with his fingers.

The sensation was intense; it tore through me sending shivers up my spine as I panted against him. My hands were on his belt now undoing it and unzipping his jeans. My hand slipped inside of his boxers so I was holding his impressive length in my palm before guiding him towards me.

"Do me, right here, right now." I demanded, pumping him lightly.

He bit his lip, stifling his moan before withdrawing from me entirely, his back against the locked door. His hands were suddenly on my hips, twirling me around so I was facing the sink, my palms resting on the surface as he hitched my skirt up above my waist, his hands sliding up along my ass, cupping it before his fingers caught on the thin waist band of my panties. His fingertips glided them down and along my legs until he reached my heels and I stepped out of them.

His hands were back under my skirt, massaging my cheeks as he whispered in my ear.

"I want you so fucking much." He groaned, rubbing his cock against my moist opening.

My head tipped back, resting against his shoulder as my hands gripped the sink, trying not to moan under his teasing. The tip of him was slipped inside me, I tried to guide him deeper but Tim's hands were on my hips now refusing to let me move. He withdrew before sliding it in again, and then again, giving me a tiny bit of what I craved.

"Stop teasing me." I commanded, through ground teeth.

Tim's grip on my hips was bruising as he thrust into me suddenly. I gasped; biting down so hard on my bottom lip I drew blood. He was plunging into me now, hard and fast, just the way I wanted it. My lower back was tingling already. My knuckles white as I grasped the counter so hard I was afraid I was going to leave marks. I could hear my own breathing ragged and shallow as I pursed my lips together trying to stifle my noise.

Tim's face was buried in my neck, teeth grazing my skin as he fucked me. The tingling had spread even lower, and I could feel my body writing in pleasure as I tried to suppress the noise that I knew was going to erupt out of my mouth.

A rush of pleasure exploded deep inside me, flooding my senses completely until I lost all control, my body arching as Tim's hand enclosed on my mouth lightly, stifling the outburst. I could feel his body quivering as he gave one final thrust into me, before his orgasm completely took over. He bit down hard on my shoulder as he shuddered, his body jerking against me as his hand slipped off my mouth. His forehead was resting on my back as we stood there, locked together panting.

"Your incredible." He whispered, I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, his arm wrapped around my waist, his hand stroking my stomach gently.

"You were pretty damn incredible yourself." I murmured, leaning back against him feeling worn out.

Tim rubbed his cheek against my hair affectionately, before he withdrew himself from me.

I glanced around looking for my panties, but seeing no sign of them.

"Uh oh." I muttered, checking the floor by the toilet and under our feet.

"What's wrong?" Tim asked, glancing up at me sharply as he did up the zipper on his jeans.

"I think you lost my underwear again. I can't seem to find it." I said checking the immediate area again.

"No way, this is a confined space. They can't just disappear." He told me, bending down to see for himself.

My eyes strayed to the gap underneath the door. Tim straightened before following my gaze himself.

"You don't think…" he closed his eyes exhaling.

"That gap is pretty big, and there was a lot movement going on in here." I responded.

"You wanna unlock the door and peek to check?" he murmured.

I narrowed my eyes at him, cheeks flushing red.

"You took them off!" I protested.

"They're your panties." He smirked.

"I hate you." I growled, shifting around him so my hand could settle on the door handle and lock.

My ass was against Tim's pelvis, his hands rested on my hips as he leaned in to my ear.

"You know, it's kind of a turn on knowing you're not wearing any panties." He whispered.

I rolled my eyes.

"You want more air plane sex; you go and get the panties." I told him.

Tim pulled away, leaning back against the sink.

"Yea, I thought so." I mumbled before unlocking the door and opening it a crack.

There were no panties in my line of sight so I opened the door a little wider to find myself face to face with a cranky looking air hostess holding up a pair of lilac sheer panties on the end of a pen.

"Missing something Ma'am?" she asked, poking the pen towards me.

I cringed inwardly, blushing furiously as I reached out and removed the panties from the end of her pen.

"Would you like to inform you boyfriend that it may be time to return to his seat while you put those back on?" she said sternly.

"I'd rather stay here and watch her if you don't mind." Tim called over my shoulder.

I couldn't hide the snigger that erupted from me. The air hostess stood there still, looking utterly unimpressed.

"We'll be right out." I informed her before shutting the door in her shocked face and bursting out laughing.

"You are such a bad person." I told him, grabbing his arm for balance as I tried to put my panties back on.

"You don't date me because I'm nice." He pointed out.

"Hm…I just use you for sex." I purred, rubbing up against him again.

There was a sudden pounding on the door behind us, forcing me to startle and Tim to roll his eyes.

"We'd better get back in our seats before she knocks the door down." He said, taking hold of my hand and undoing the lock again.

The door swung open revealing the harassed looking air hostess, fist in air, ready to pound on the door again. Her face dropped as she saw Tim standing there, his hand clearly clasping mine.

"Excuse me." And with that he darted past her pulling me with him.

"Thanks for finding my panties." I said waving as he tugged me towards our seats.

* * *

Kate was snoring. Loud, aggressive, snores that pierced his ears and left him sleep deprived and groggy. The drink had disorientated him, leaving him dizzy and with a severe case of cotton mouth.

He'd lost track of how much booze they'd managed to put away since their arrival in Vegas. He'd hired a suite at The Hilton, a fabulous one complete with hot tub, and a mini bar. The room itself was gorgeous, and the bed, well let's just say he was very impressed with the bed.

Upon their arrival the two of them had stowed their luggage away in their room and decided to do a little exploring, they'd ended up at one of the local casinos. Speedle had won a portion of money at the Craps table, and started a tab at the bar. That's when things got a little fuzzy. He didn't realize how drunk he was until he tried to swipe the key card in the slot and missed the device completely. Kate hadn't been fairing much better. As soon as they stepped of the elevator she'd taken off in completely the wrong direction to their room. He'd practically had to grab her by the collar and guide her back towards it.

As soon s they'd got into the room, they were on each other, their caresses clumsy and buttons fumbled with, but the sex had been worth it. He'd let Kate have complete control this time, and hell, she had rocked his world.

His eye lids were heavy as he tried to open them, his vision blurred as he rolled from his back and onto his side, dropping his head up on his arm so he could look down at the woman sleeping next to him.

Kate was laying flat on her back, head tilted towards him as her hair fanned across her face. One of her arms was strewn above her head while her other rest lightly on her stomach. She was completely naked, a sight that never failed to faze him. The noise she was making at the moment though that had to stop.

He put his finger on the tip of her nose and bopped it several times until she stirred, groaning under his assault. She scrunched her eyes up and waved her hand in front of her face trying to stop him from doing it. He chuckled at her attempts to thwart him before she grabbed his wrist tightly in her small hand. Kate turned on her side, pulling his hand to a rest on her chest so she had her back to him, his arm wrapped around her body.

"More sleep, no more nose touching." She told him off sleepily, as she shuffled backwards so her back was pressed against his bare chest.

Speedle removed his hand from her grip. His finger tips trailed from her shoulder along her arm and then back up again, as he bent his head, lips brushing her slender throat.

"If you stop snoring I'll stop touching your nose." He whispered into her ear, as his hand came to rest on her stomach, tracing patterns on her soft skin.

"That's coming from the guy who spent the whole night muttering." Kate mumbled in her half lucid state.

Tim frowned, his lips still pressed against her skin.

"What was I talking about?" he asked quietly.

"Everyone and everything by the sound of it…" she paused before rolling on to her back, her emerald green eyes flickering open.

"It was Marty again wasn't it?" he murmured, burying his face in her shoulder.

Her fingers raked through his hair, as her lips brushed his temple, soothing.

"It's always Marty this time of year." She murmured as his cheek rubbed against hers.

Tim sighed as he let his arms wrapped around Kate's body and pulled her closer, so she was underneath him. Her scent invaded his nostrils and he remembered what it felt like to be back at home. She was home for him, wherever she was he would be. His head was on her chest, listening to her steady heartbeat as her fingers toyed with his thick, dark curls.

"Go back to sleep Tim." She said quietly, kissing his forehead.

For the first time since she'd come back Tim Speedle let Kate Callahan chase away the ghost that plagued his dreams.

* * *

The breakfast buffet was wonderful, the hotel catered for everyone by laying out a huge spread full of every breakfast food you could imagine. Cereals, croissants, toast, eggs, bacon, pancakes, the works. I was completely in my element. Tim was sitting across from me, sipping a glass of fresh O.J as I wolfed down the bacon and scrambled eggs, before taking a bite of toast. Tim raised an eyebrow as he lowered the paper.

"All that exercise gave you an appetite." He smirked, before spreading it out on the table.

"It's what happens when I found myself being woken up by your merciless teasing. Not that I'm complaining, your tongue is one of your finer assets." I teased, before taking a bite out of my toasted bagel.

"I'm glad you approve." He returned, as I took a gulp of coffee.

I was feeling particularly sluggish this morning. The alcohol from the night before was still weighing heavily on me, making me feel tired and worn down.

"Actually I wanna talk to you about something." Tim stated, as I ate more of the bagel.

"Fire away." I said, taking another gulp of coffee.

"We have four days off." Tim reminded me.

I nodded listening patiently. That's all the time we'd managed to get off together, which was completely understandable since it left Horatio two CSI's down for almost a week.

"Would you mind if we go visit Marty?"

Tim turned his head away as I raised my eyes to read his expression. He hadn't mentioned Marty since I'd come back to Miami, not that that was expected of course. Marty was a tough topic. When Tim and I had previously been together, we'd made the trip to Syracuse twice, each time returning back home the same day. Visiting Marty always created the opportunity of Tim finally making up with his parents, but over the last eight years, he'd never taken that step. He simply refused too. I guess I understood that on some level, his parents had done a terrible thing. Disowning their son at his time of need was cruel of them, and in Tim's eyes utterly unforgivable. I couldn't blame him.

"I don't mind visiting Marty, when do you want to leave? I mean I can probably pack within an hour." I informed him, finishing off the bagel, and moving on to his unfinished toast.

"I was thinking tomorrow morning, get the plane to New York State, drop in on Marty and then catch an evening flight back to Miami." He told me, stealing back his plate.

I pouted; Tim took a bite of his piece before pushing the plate back towards me. I smiled brightly before pulling it completely over to my side of the table.

"So what do we have planned for the rest of the day? Yea I know, Star Trek Museum." I reminded myself as he opened his mouth.

"I am thinking the water park; remember the one we drove past in the cab?" he offered in return for the Star Trek museum.

"Do you even own a pair of shorts?" I queried, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't bring a pair of Speedos of that's what your asking." He smirked. "But I do have swimming shorts, so if you wanna go the water park, we can hit it."

I found myself smiling, as I pushed the plate away from me, finally full.

"Good thing I packed my bikini then." I told him, resting my chin on my hand as I began to people watch.

"Have you visited Marty since I went away?" I asked suddenly.

Tim shook his head, busying his hands by tearing strips off his napkin and sorting them into piles.

"It always felt wrong. I should go more often, but its hard being back here even for a few hours. I miss him a lot but… There's nothing I can do about it, Syracuse just isn't my home anymore, and it hasn't been for long time." He admitted quietly.

There was silence between the two of us, a comfortable one. I new he was dwelling, and dwelling was dangerous, I knew that. It led to all sorts of problems. So I reached across the table and tapped my finger on the back of his hand gently.

"Come on." I said jerking my head in the direction of the restaurant doorway. "I think I need an education in The Enterprise."

* * *

Wet 'n' Wild was boasted to be one of the best water parks in the United States, and from spending the majority of the day here I could see why. There was something for everyone here, or thrill seekers and people otherwise entertained. There were life guards on watch at every area, supervising many of the tourists and natives who chose to come here.

We were standing at the very top of the main attraction the Bomb Bay Speed Slide. A seventy six foot drop in a small one person capsule, the prospect was terrifying. The only reason we were up here was because of Speedle's stupid bet.

Tim knew I had a slight phobia of heights. It wasn't so much a phobia but just a general nervousness when I looked down from anywhere that could be deemed as too high.

So he decided to use it.

After visiting the Star Trek Museum, Tim had been struck with a wave of nostalgia. Star Trek had been his favourite programme when he was younger and I remembered he'd told me he'd spent his childhood watching episode after episode with his father. It was sweet to think of him like that, as a teenager growing up and getting along with his old man. As it turned out Tim had always had a thing for one of the characters off Star Trek, which in due course after taking one look at the Bomb Bay Speed Slide had encouraged him to make a bet.

I'd always been a bit of a thrill seeker; even before we met I'd had a thing for fast cars and anything that got the adrenaline pumping. So I was trying to see this as a challenge as opposed to an obstacle, besides if I lost the bet I'd be dressing up as Star Trek character in a spot of early evening role play.

The deal worked both ways, if I won then Tim had to fulfil one of my dirty little fantasies. He had to endure a spot of bondage.

It had always been one of my greatest fantasies to have Tim at my full mercy; it was rare in our relationship that I was in complete and utter control. The truth was I liked being submissive in bed, I was so dominant in real life sometimes it was nice to be reminded that I was a woman and that I didn't have to be in control all of the time. I trusted Tim a hell of a lot more than I did other people, so I enjoyed it that he frequently held the power in our relationship, especially in the bedroom. Sometimes though… sometimes I wanted to be in control.

And tying him to the bed, naked, maybe blind folding him, well that was a big turn on for me.

The problem was me and Tim were very similar to me because he also had to have a certain level of control. So bondage wasn't really something he was interested in unless he was the instigator, I'd been dying to try something like this for awhile now, Tim's bet had just provided me with the opportunity.

"That sure is a long drop Kate, you sure you wanna risk it. I mean what if the tube's loose, think about all that water rushing through there, bound to rust up some of the bolts. It sure is a long way to fall." Tim told me, as we both peered over the railing towards the concrete ground.

"Gotta take a risk every once in a while Speedle." I retorted, as his hand lingered on my lower back, his fingers lightly playing over the jagged scar.

I shivered under the attention as his thumb traced it downwards; stopping once he reached the outline of my cyan bikini briefs.

"You know it's been a long time since I've seen you in a bikini, it looks good on you." He said, his eyes taking in every asset I had on display.

We were both dripping wet from The Black Hole ride, that we'd both endured. Rushing through a tunnel in a raft in pitch black darkness, was much more fun than I had originally anticipated.

"First time seeing you in shorts though," I gazed down at his knee length, navy blue shorts before letting my gaze sweep upwards to meet his eyes again.

"It's not working you know." I stated, resting my back against the railing as we waited in the queue.

"We'll see what you say when your sitting in the capsule." He returned with confident smirk.

I rolled my eyes.

"I've never wussed out of anything in my whole life Speedle." I declared as the person in front of us stepped up into the capsule.

"You know it's not too late to back out, I won't think any less of you." Speedle needled me.

"No you'll just make me dress up in Star Trek memorabilia instead." I teased. "I'm telling you Tim I am doing this…"

The drop from here was huge, bigger than I had thought. My heart was pounding madly in my chest as I stepped forward and took the next place waiting for the capsule. Tim was alongside me; his face going awfully pale as he also peered at the sheer steepness of the drop.

"You know we could just…"

I cut him off, whilst repeating to myself over an over again, that these guys took a lot of safety precautions.

"No. I am doing this."

The bet had just gone out of the window. This was about facing fear, with that rooted deeply in the forefront of my mind, I climbed into the capsule and crossed my arms over my chest, prepared to plunge seventy six foot down.

* * *

It was our last night in Vegas and I was going to do everything in my power to make it as memorable as possible.

Dinner had been fantastic, Tim had bumped into a Las Vegas CSI he'd worked with previous on a cross jurisdictions case in Miami and we'd invited her to sit with us. Catherine Willows was witty, fierce and a woman after my own heart. She was humorous and had spent the night regaling us with stories of divers in trees, and other cases that she'd worked over the years. Her company was refreshing and I was more than interested to earn of how she became a CSI in the first place. When the clock struck ten pm, Catherine had bide us goodbye before leaving to start her shift back at the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Tim and I had retreated to our room not long after so he could pay up his side of the bet.

The lights in our room were dim, creating an intimate glow to the bedroom and in particular the bed. The dress I was wearing was a satin, aqua-marine coloured halter neck. It hugged my curves and showed off a generous expanse of chest, it also felt great against my skin, and I knew for a fact that satin felt great against Tim's too.

Room Service had already delivered the chocolate strawberries and whipped cream. They were sitting on a silver trolley parked next to the bed.

We were already on the bed, my legs straddling Tim's hips as his hands slid up my back massaging the muscles as he gazed up at me lovingly. His white shirt was already off of his shoulders. My hands were running down his chest, caressing his firm muscles as my lips sought out his again; his kisses were breath taking and each one of them pulled me closer and closer to giving in. His hands were slipping underneath the skirt of my dress, trailing up my thighs and kneading my ass as he rubbed his erection against my moist panties.

I arched against him, as he held my hips in place before thrusting upwards against me. I gasped escaped my lips as my fingernails raked across his chest, head tipped back. My skin was flushed with the feel of him underneath me. I craved him, his body, his taste, his touch.

I took his hands gently, before stretching my body along his and pinning them above his head. My lips were inches away from his, and I could see my entire universe sitting there in his eyes.

"We don't have to do this if you feel uncomfortable." I murmured, letting the satin brush against his body lightly.

His breath was ragged as my tongue traced circles along his throat and up to his ear, my teeth nipping at his lobe.

"Just do it." He growled, and I knew with that, that it was taking all of his self control not to just flip me over and fuck me.

I swept the silk scarves off up the floor, pulling them taunt between my fingers before dipping down to kiss him. He moaned into my mouth as wriggled my lower body against his, his hand was in my hair as his tongue slipped into my mouth, tasting and teasing me with unspoken promises. I pulled his hand away before raising it towards the head board and securing it to the right hand bed post; I followed the same routine with the left one before admiring my own handy work.

"Promise me, nothing to do with my ass." He said suddenly, testing his restraints.

I had shimmied further down now, unclipping his black trousers and peeling them and his underwear over his hips and off his legs. My eyes fell on his impressive length and I couldn't help but bite my lip in anticipation before picking up another two scarves I had stowed away.

"Trust me I have no interest in your ass, for other than viewing purposes only." I assured him as I tied his ankles to the bed posts either side of the bed.

"Good because I was just remembering that case with the guy tied to his bed…"

I crawled across the bed towards him on all fours; he trailed off, losing his train of thought as I kneeled above him holding another scarf between my hands.

"I promise nothing is going near there, and if you feel unsure at any moment, let me know." I said, letting my fingers wrap around his cock and squeezed a little.

Tim closed his eyes and thrust into my hand before I took it away. He whined, opening his eyes to see me leaning forward the scarf taunt above him.

"Tell me that's not for erotic asphyxiation because that's a little too…near death for me." He informed me, eyes wide, and on the scarf between my hands.

"I'm going to blind fold you." I told him calmly.

Tim stared back at me a little unsure, before I bent my head, lips next to his ear as I whispered in it.

"Trust me."

I drew back, kissing the tip of his nose and giving him a reassuring smile as I touched his face with my fingertips.

"I do."

Those words were powerful and coming from him they touched me in ways I could never have dreamed. He was laying his trust entirely in my hands and I loved him for it.

"I love you Tim." I whispered against his lips, as he raised his head slightly so I could tie the blind fold over his eyes.

"I know." He returned, letting out a deep breath.

I could tell he was anxious so I decided to start with something small, something that he was used to. A kiss.

I let my lips linger over his, my legs resting against his thighs as my satin dress brushed across his skin. He shivered as my lips brushed his lightly, my tongue flicking along his bottom lip before my mouth claimed his. My tongue slid into the confines of his mouth, seeking out his as he raised his body off the bed and against mine trying to keep the contact between us. I broke away from the kiss suddenly, leaving him unsatisfied and certainly wanting, as I reached over to the room service tray, picked up a chocolate strawberry and dipping it in the whipped cream.

I took the strawberry and let it trail from just above his belly button, up the centre of his chest, coming to a halt at his collar bone, leaving a line of whipped cream in its wake. I lowered my mouth to his firm stomach, kissing his abdomen before letting my tongue flick across the tip of his erect cock. Tim's hips bucked as I licked the whipped cream off his body and brought the chocolate covered strawberry to his lips.

I traced the outline of his mouth gently before he licked along its supple skin, tasting it. I felt my body begin to tingle as I watched his lips kiss the strawberry, his tongue caressing up and down its tiny shape, before he began to suck it.

My fingers played along his muscles, following the lines and ridges of his body until I began to stroke his cock lightly with the palm of my hand. My fingers curled around him, pumping up and down gently as he nibbled at the strawberry, knowing how much it was turning me on.

His hips were moving in rhythm with my ministrations. The strawberry was gone, giving way to his low moans as he leaked pre-cum onto my hand picking up the pace.

"I want to taste you." he muttered, between ground teeth.

I could tell he was holding back, trying to starve off his orgasm for as long as he could, in order to give me what I wanted. His hips were rocking faster now and harder, as he drove himself closer to his climax, I pulled my hand way suddenly leaving him gasping and whimpering.

I was standing up now, next to the bed, kicking off my heels before speaking.

"I'm running my hands over the front of my panties right now, teasing myself a little with my fingers. God Tim you've made me so wet." I told him, rubbing my clit through my panties.

I heard Tim's breath catch as he shivered visibly; I was already getting rid of my underwear.

"I'm taking off my panties slowly; so that you taste me…Maybe I'll return the favour. You want me to wrap my lips around your cock and suck you until your coming in my mouth…" I paused, letting my hand trail up his thigh before briefly stroking his cock. "Or I could take off the blind fold and fuck you; until I let you come for me."

I was climbing back onto the bed now, kneeling beside him as my hand claimed him again, sliding up and down. I bent my head, my tongue licking up and down his shaft in long tantalising movements. His head as tilted back as I wrapped my lips around the head of his cock before taking him completely in my mouth.

Tim let out a guttural groan at the sudden motion, his body straining against the restraints as his hips jerked. My hand was the bottom of him, massaging his cock as my tongue teased him mercilessly, swirling around the head before flicking across it while I pumped him.

Tim was practically euphoric. He was struggling to keep up with me as I drove him harder, and further to the edge, until at last Tim cried out my name.

"Kate." He called out. "Kate, you're going to make me come."

I stopped abruptly, Tim let out a cry of frustration before I straddled his hips and reached forward, removing the blind fold as gently as I could. Our eyes met, in them I saw everything, his love for me shining as he lay there writhing in desperation.

"Please…" he begged. "Please Kate, fuck me."

The tip of him was rubbing against my moist wetness. My skin was flushed with desire, and I watched his face as he arched against me trying to slip inside my tight opening. I bit down hard on my bottom slip as I sank down suddenly, filling myself with his impressive length.

I was in heaven, I cried out as my body tingled excitedly, demanding more. The two of us were moving together now, Tim's hips were rocking to the same rhythm as mine, the pace picking up, moving faster and harder until my entire body was swallowed up in the intense sensations he was creating in me. Waves of ecstasy wracked me as he thrust a final time deeper inside. I screamed his name, nails raking down his chest as the wave of pleasure hit me so hard I lost complete control.

Tim was shuddering underneath me, my muscles tightened around his aching member before he reached his climax, my name on his lips as his whole body convulsed, straining against his binds.

The two of us were breathless, my hands reached up and undoing the scarves that held his arms and legs before I collapsed against him, worn out and immobile.

"Jesus…" he mumbled into my hair, his body slick with sweat from the marathon. "I'm pretty sure that almost killed me."

"Good way to go though." I muttered into his neck, pressing a kiss to his stubble.

Tim gathered me up in his arms and pulled me closer. His lips brushed my forehead as he lay on his back, his breathing becoming even again as we held each other tightly. My eye lids were getting heavy now, I was tired, I had been all day. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew that wasn't healthy, but that was unimportant right now. Being here with Tim, that was important.

It was the most important thing in the world to me.

And as I drifted off, I felt him brush the hair way from my face as he whispered.

"I love you Kate."

* * *

Syracuse was surprisingly mild for this time of year. It was late autumn, and unlike Miami it showed. Autumn was my favourite time of year; back in NYC I used to walk through Central Park, trying to stand on all the crisp leaves that were lying upon the ground, because I liked the sound they made. Being here in Syracuse gave me the opportunity to do it all over again.

At first I'd been trying to do it discreetly, only stepping on leaves that were in our path, it wasn't until I'd been helping Tim pick Marty's flowers that he actually realized what I was doing. At that point he pretty much gave me free reign and chuckled wryly as I went out of my way to step on the dry red leaves.

That was until we reached the cemetery and then all humour drained out of the two us. Tim became quiet, virtually silent as he approached the grave, the red and yellow carnations clasped tightly in his hands, but that didn't stop the shaking. I could see the carnations trembling between his fingers as he knelt down beside the grave.

I hung back, standing on the concrete path that wove between the graves. My eyes took in the words etched into the stone.

_**Martin Reichs**_

_**RIP**_

_**Beloved son, brother and friend.**_

Still the same, nothing changed, Tim couldn't change the past, but I knew he'd tried. Before Columbia he'd wanted to go into medical research, he wanted to help his best friend in every way he could and that meant finding some sort of procedure to help fix a broken spine. That had all changed when Marty had died on the operating table, a risky operation that was meant to make his quality of life better. Instead it had ended it completely.

Tim couldn't help but feel responsible, which was why he'd taken off for a year after college, spending the majority of the time drinking and making his way across the country doing odd jobs like bar tending for a drink and some gas money.

Tim's parents could never understand why he left and the truth be told Tim had never told them, he'd told one person the truth about that snow mobile accident. In our first year together Tim had eventually told me all about Marty, and his role in the accident. I doubt the guilt ever left him. Every autumn he'd be plagued by nightmares, dreams as it were. I'd hear him mumbling in his sleep for a few nights a month before Marty's anniversary came and went, and then he was quiet again.

I had no idea how long I was standing there, but I knew I was getting wearier as the time went on. I didn't want to rush Tim, Marty had meant the world to him a life time ago, he deserved as much time as he could grab, so I decided to stray a few feet and sit myself down on the bench nearby.

It didn't help shift the nauseous feeling that seemed to be temporary residing in the pit of my stomach. I hadn't told Tim about it yet, he'd been trying so hard to make the vacation perfect that I didn't want to ruin it by getting sick.

A stomach bug had been going around the lab before we'd left for Vegas, I guess that and the combination of food I'd been eating recently was knocking me for six. I'd been knocking back Gravol throughout the past few weeks like it was candy.

At first I'd suspected pregnancy, an unlikely possibility since I took my pill so religiously it was almost compulsive. My periods were erratic and had been ever since the time of the fire. It was stress the doctor had said but I knew you could ever be too careful. I'd taken a pregnancy test the night before the prison break but it had turned out negative, much to my relief, and also my slight disappointment. I hadn't told Tim, I didn't want him too worry. If I didn't feel better by the time we got back to Miami I'd schedule an appointment with the doctor.

It was a while before Tim dropped down beside me on the bench, I'd been so absorbed in the book I'd packed that I hadn't noticed he's left the graveside until I felt his presence next to me. I folded the corner of the page before setting it back on my lap and letting my eyes stray to Marty's burial site. There was silence between us, Tim was staring down at his hands, the expression on his face showed he was deep in thought. I sighed before reaching out and taking his hand.

"So did he have much to say? He meet anyone nice up there?" I nudged his body with mine trying to cheer him up.

Tim chuckled before grabbing my left hand in his, his thumb tracing over my ring finger.

"Kate…" he took a deep breath before raising his eyes to meet mine. "Let's get married."

The air rushed out of my body, and I found myself staring at him dumb founded and unsure that I'd even heard him correctly.

"You mean right now? As in within the next twenty four hours…" I trailed off as he nodded, feeling utterly speechless and even more sick than I had before.

"We can apply for a marriage licence today, stay the night and get married here tomorrow before we go back to Miami." Tim had turned his whole body to face now, his arm resting on the back of the bench as he brushed a stray strand of hair from my face.

I stared at him in a mixture of panic and concern. How long had he been thinking about this? Was this the real reason we'd gone to Vegas? My mouth was moving and it took a while for the words to break through the shock of the whole suggestion.

"I can't…" the words slipped out and I had to keep going I had to make him understand why I was reacting like this. At the same time I was struggling to comprehend the idea that he was actually serious.

"I'm sorry but I just can't. I mean we just found each other, it's far too soon and we need to learn more about each other before we can even consider getting into that bigger commitment." I tried to explain, pulling my hand away from his.

"What more do we need to know? We're as close intimately as a couple can get. We share everything. Hell we practically live together." He hesitated before looking me straight in the eye. "I just want to share my life with you. Legally."

"Legally?!" I exclaimed.

I was on my feet, my body full of nervous energy at the way he was talking.

"Why can't we just stay this way? We've both changed Tim we're not the same people we were six years ago. It's not the same as it was back then." I reminded him as he stood up, his hands rested on my shoulders his head tilted down towards me.

"Then why can't we get married and then re-discover each other?" he asked me, eyes searching mine.

I wrenched myself away, taking two steps back, my hand going to my head feeling the familiar pain beginning to knot in my temples.

"I get what you're going through; I know how you're feeling but this isn't right." I told him. "Four days ago you had discovered you were HIV Negative. It's a shock to the system. I get the whole live life to the fullest, because I would want to do exactly the same, but this…" I gestured between the two of us. "Me and you getting married would be a mistake."

"Not to me it wouldn't. It would be the best thing that could ever happen to me." He proclaimed.

I crossed my arms over my chest shaking my head, trying to ignore the ache that was building in the back of my head, and spreading downwards towards my neck.

"That's just what you think right now. Trust me in a few months time you'd wake up thinking 'what the hell have I got myself into?' I know you Tim and I know you don't rush into things, especially something like this. This is an affect of everything that's happened over the last few days." I attempted to reason with him.

I understood what he was going through, oh Lord I did but this was wrong. Us getting married right now would be the biggest mistake of our lives and I couldn't let him do that, not to me, not to himself. He was swept away by the whole live for the moment mentality, the same way I had been after the fire, the same way I had been with Ray.

"No. This is me being madly and passionately and crazily in love with you." He stated, his eyes studying my face intently.

I had no idea what he was searching for but I knew he wasn't going to find it. Not right now, not this soon. It was time to tell him the one thing I'd been hiding from him, the one thing I knew would really hurt. The truth.

"Tim… I'm not ready for this. Last time I wasn't ready for it and I'm still not." I hesitated but I forced myself to get the words out. "Last time, I felt scared and trapped in this situation. I was twenty two going on twenty three and I was engaged to you and the prospect of being married…it terrified me." I dropped down onto the bench.

Tim said nothing; his mouth was set in a grim line as he stared down at me urging me on with his disillusioned frown. I bowed my head pursing my lips together before continuing.

"That's part of the reason I left you to go UC. I couldn't stand being that domestic that young. I'm not ready for that level of commitment; even now…It makes me feel suffocated and trapped…"

I could feel the heat of frustration on the back of my head before I glanced up at him, afraid to even look at him.

"So it will never happen then? Because hearing you say that..." he paused, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked back at Marty's grave. "It makes me feel as if I'm the one that's trapped in something that's not going anywhere."

My eyes were burning and my heart was aching in my chest, but I was prepared to fight my corner.

"I have been back in Miami for eight months, with you for six... We said we were going to go slow, do you think I don't love you?" I scolded him. "I've been there every time you've needed someone, I have given you everything I have but I can't give you this, it's too soon."

The pain in my head was increasing now, the build up of pressure between my eyes was immense, but I would not show weakness while we were in the middle of this.

"When? Can you at least tell me when?! Is it ever going to happen? I'm not getting any younger. I want you to be my wife and I want kids with you, Kate." His tone was demanding and I recognised the defensiveness in his voice.

Part of me argued that he was right; he deserved that at least, a normal life to settle down into. But my rebellious streak was winning over; I wouldn't be bullied into this, especially four days after the HIV scare, not when I knew he was going to regret it.

"I don't have a predetermined date! I don't know Tim, all I now is that its not now. Marriage and children...I mean I'm just establishing myself here. I'm starting a career I'm trying to get on the promotion grid, and that's hard enough right now because of my back ground. I mean can you seriously see yourself with kids?! You're always going on about how you hate them!" I spat, infuriated when he rolled his eyes at me.

"I want kids with you. I want everything with you. And all you can do is talk about wanting a career? Is that the only thing that matters to you?"

The way he looked at me made me feel even more enraged by his pushing on the subject. I was back on my feet, fists clenched by my sides, trying to keep myself calm as the blood rushed through my veins.

"This is not you talking; this is you reminiscing over Marty and the HIV talking. I like having a life, I like feeling independent and I thought you got that, I thought you were the same." I told him, struggling to keep my temper in check.

"If you're so independent that why are we even together? What do you need me for? Someone to have sex with? Keep you warm on the lonely nights?" he snarled.

My right hand was throbbing as the noise resounded over the quiet cemetery; Tim put a hand to his cheek. He didn't even look shocked at the fact I'd slapped him. I jabbed my finger at his chest.

"Don't you dare say that to me! You know this is hard for me, You know what it's like letting someone in after what I went through, even though it's you I feel like every time I open my mouth I have to make a conscious decision because that's what's embedded in my system." I took a shaky breath trying to stem my anger. "I love you Tim, but this isn't right and you know it."

Tim clenched his jaw, taking his hand away from his face, revealing an ugly red mark.

"I can't wait forever Kate. I won't wait forever." He clarified.

I felt something in my heart just break. Torn between what he wanted and what I couldn't give him. Torn between him and the alternative.

"I'm not asking you to wait for ever, I'm just asking you to wait a while. Just give me time." I said quietly, offering him a compromise.

"I'll give you some time. But I am not waiting forever. There are other women out there Kate and I don't even know if I can wait a year. So maybe you need space to figure out what you want and who you are and get a grip on all your fears and paranoia, before I decide you're not worth the trouble." He warned me before turning back down the path and walking away, leaving me staring at his retreating back as he stepped through the gate.

My hands were trembling as I reached inside my bag and took out the pain meds. I tipped one into my hand and swallowed it dry as my knees gave out and I ended up seated on that bench all over again. I had my plane ticket and he had his, we didn't have to see each other until the airport in over two hour's time. I rubbed my hands over my face, still in a state of utter disbelief.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them, so I did the only thing at the time, I gave in and cried, knowing that this was it. I couldn't give him what he wanted, and he was going to leave. My chest ached and my heart broke as I sat there alone, sobbing into my hands on a bench in the middle of Syracuse.

On the plane home, the two of us barely spoke. All our cards were laid upon the table but there was no compromise to be made. When we got to Miami International, the two of us separated without a word before climbing into our respective cabs returning back to our individual homes.

* * *

_**I'd love to hear what you all think of this latest development! So read and review!**_

_**As usual thanks to BEG!! The story wouldn't have moved forward without her.**_

_**Also thanks to all you reviewers, without you there wouldn't be a story. Also the next chapter is one I've been dying to write!**_

_BEG: lol you are so my sounding board! scurries to eat all the food sent my way! Yelina and Kate were really hard to write. Lol they're very different but also very similar in respects to Ray. The Simon thing was a complete surprise for me, because it was a spur of the moment thing that developed into something huge. The confession surprised me too! Lol You'll have to wait to see how bad Hagen gets, you already know the end result. Lol Kate's wise to Hagen in some ways. LMAO I love writing stubborn Tim he's like that in the series and it makes me all happy. As you can see they had enough crap to deal with._

_Lapland: It was a really hard chapter to write but it got easier, I always feel like I learn something new about my chars when I write. Lol I still broke Kate's heart, I couldn't help it. I imagine prisons are like that lol, esp max security ones. Lol I hope you like the next one because it's going to be a surprise._

_Blue: I don't actually know what jumped the shark means lol. Thank you; they are a hard pair to write, but the next chapters going to be my baby._

_Pip: lol I'm as relived as you are over Speed being HIV neg. Although I think this chapter may have just blown things out of the water. Thanks for the review; it's good to feel like my stories appreciated. _

_History: I mentioned Catherine just for you; I couldn't bring myself to do a cross over, sorry. Thanks for the review!_


	17. Chapter 17: Blood Brothers

**AN: Just warning you about a little graphic bloody stuff towards the end.**

Chapter Seventeen: Blood Brothers

_I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart  
Don't say this won't last forever  
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart  
Don't tell me that we will never be together_

_It's not over, it's not over, it's never over  
Unless you let it take you  
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over  
Unless you let it break you  
_

_Second-hand Serenade – It's Not Over_

Collins Avenue was the main traffic artery of Miami Beach; it boasted structures by some of the best architects in the world. Flanked by Art Deco buildings it was one of the most hottest places for the rich and famous to hang out in their down time. It was also where our dead girl had been found lying in the middle of the street, practically down the drive way from The National Hotel.

The early morning heat was ferocious, setting a high record for the rest of the day. I wiped the sweat off my brow with the back of my wrists, careful not dislodge my sun glasses. I had become far too accustomed to working the night shift these past few weeks. The stifling hot sunshine was getting to me a little. I peeled off the olive, three quarter length jacket and chucked it through the Hummer's open window, before picking up my kit and striding towards Horatio, Yelina and Alexx, my skin prickling under the heat.

Alexx was crouched own next to the young woman's broken and twisted body. Her eyes stared up at me wide and lifeless as I reviewed the position she was lying in to get a grasp of the scene. The nausea was pooling in the pit of my stomach just like it had for every day over the past month, and just like it would until I saw a doctor. I was still clinging to the fragile hope it would just go away, part of me didn't want to think of the alternative, the fact it might be something serious.

"I didn't realize you were on call today." Horatio murmured as I approached the scene after ducking under the tape.

"You caught me in the last two hours of my shift. It's eight till eight." I told him, checking my watch to calculate the time.

"I've brought in the rest of the team." I knew it was more of a warning than a statement.

"I wouldn't expect anything less." I said with a knowing nod before turning my attention to the real issue at hand. "So what do we have?"

"Dispatch said a hit and run. Paramedics called it in at five thirty am. The Valets don't recognise her as a guest at the hotel and apparently no one saw the car." Yelina spoke as she flicked through her notebook.

"Well the car definitely saw her." Alexx submitted from her crouched position. "Skinny girl like this didn't stand a chance. We have multiple points of impact."

"Pedestrian rotation." I murmured.

Horatio's eyebrows rose in surprise at my admission. I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly.

"I've been studying…a lot." I admitted, with a small shrug.

I didn't mention that it was one of the only things I had been doing between working and sleeping in the past few weeks. Now that the rest of my life had trickled down the pan, I had let work become my focus, so I was reading up on a lot of forensic journals to further my knowledge and experience in the field.

"Got windshield glass. The driver can't tell you they didn't know what they hit." Alexx continued as she pulled out the glass that was embedded in the victim's forehead.

"Take a look at these skid marks Kate. What do you see?" Horatio offered.

Even though I'd switched to the night shift, we still regarded ourselves as mentor and student and I was grateful that the nature of that relationship hadn't changed. I glanced around me, taking in the tread impression and the nature of the rubber burnt onto the road.

"They go from black to light, it's caused by acceleration." I recounted from one of the more recent casebooks.

"It's a hit and run. The suspect was speeding away." Alexx offered, twisting her head towards us.

"Nope." I countered. "The point of arrest is here…" I pointed at the darker pattern. "The point of impact was right after that. The driver accelerated on purpose."

"Are you telling me the driver meant to hit her?" Alexx exclaimed, shaking her head as she rose to her feet.

"She's telling you that our hit and run, just turned into a murder." Horatio clarified.

Alexx signalled for her crew to collect the body before taking me aside for a second. Her hand on my arm was motherly as she guided me towards the crime scene tape, where we wouldn't be overheard.

"It's good to see you baby." She said softly, her dark eyes studying me from head to toe, making me feel on display and anxious. "You're still skinny as hell though and you look tired."

I wrapped my arms around myself with a brave smile.

"It's just hard getting used to nights. My sleeping pattern's confused." I assured her.

Alexx pouted at me as she searched my face, looking for any trace of lies or half truths.

"I'm fine really." I insisted. "Ask Calleigh. She comes over most of the time and makes sure I'm eating and stuff. I can't just stop functioning because we broke up."

"I'm glad to hear it. For the record though I think he made the biggest mistake of his life letting you go. Timmy needs to get his head checked." She informed me. "That Carrie girl has nothing on you. No class or style."

My eyes widened at her words as my lips parted, my world suspended in utter disbelief. My chest was aching as I stared at Alexx unable to speak.

"Oh Kate honey, I'm sorry I thought you knew." Alexx spoke quietly, her hand reaching out and clasping my shoulder in a comforting gesture.

I shook my head, exhaling as I pulled it all back together. Finish this shift, fall apart later, I told myself. I put on my brightest smile, ignoring the urge to scream.

Three weeks!

It had been three weeks since we'd come back from Syracuse and gone our separate ways. Two and a half until he said this wasn't working and ended it.

"It's fine Alexx, its fine." I said, more to myself than her. "We broke up, it's completely normal for him to be dating…"

I took another deep breath, it caught in my throat as I stood there trying to get a handle on myself. My brain was still screaming three weeks; it had only been three goddamn weeks!

"You deserve to be treated better than that Kate," she paused as if deciding something. "Will you at least come to dinner tonight? We'd love to have you and it would make me feel better knowing that you're actually getting a decent meal."

I swallowed hard, before shaking my head.

"I have plans tonight Alexx, maybe tomorrow or next week?" I offered her, crossing my arms over my chest.

Alexx rubbed my arm soothingly, her expression one of severe remorse.

"You're welcome anytime honey, just say the word and I can have Henry set another place."

"I will definitely do that Alexx." I told her, as my eyes strayed back to the body as it was lifted onto the gurney and rolled towards the van.

"If you need to talk, you come see me ok?" she looked at me pointedly, I knew she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"I'll be fine, you go get that autopsy done, the sooner we solve this case the sooner I can go home and seep." I urged her, attempting to inject a jovial tone into my voice but I simply came out strained.

To think I used to be so good at lying too.

"I'll be back to check on you later." Alexx warned me.

"You worry too much; I have a whole crime scene to keep me occupied." I reminded her, waving as she retreated towards the van.

"I'll be seeing you later." She promised before ducking under the tape and supervising the handling of the body.

I already knew as I watched her leave that today was going to be harder than I anticipated.

* * *

The crowd around the scene was building, the reporters wanted a story and the civilians, well they were just plain nosy. I tried to tune them all out along with the dull pain in my chest as I got to work, focusing on the one thing that I could rely on right now, the job. If Horatio had noticed anything after the conversation with Alexx he hadn't said anything and I appreciated that.

My crime scene camera was in my hands and I was snapping off shots of the scene, cataloguing them mentally. Oil leak, tread impression, windshield glass. I photographed each and every single thing before moving onto the metallic yellow paint glinting at me on the pole beside the road.

I felt his presence behind me before he spoke. It used to be reassuring, a comfort almost. Now it just made me feel angry.

"You're doing my job." His voice was husky and low and I could feel his breath on the back of my neck as he spoke.

"And you are standing way too close." I retorted, before straightening up and sidestepping out of his way.

"There's plenty of Trace for you to collect, I'll leave my Crime Scene photographs in the lay out room for you."

"Kate…" he said quietly.

"I'm busy." I returned, turning around to face him and letting out a deep sigh.

He looked his usual handsome self, rugged stubble, wine red shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows against the heat. I averted my gaze, refusing to meet his eyes, instead focusing on the other two approaching members of the team.

"Hey Callahan, you missing me on the night shift?" Delko called across the scene as him and Calleigh stepped towards us.

Eric's smile held genuine warmth as he stepped forward and embraced me before drawing back and taking in my sour expression, his hazel eyes flickering to Tim and then back to me. I heard Tim exhaled deeply before he took off in Horatio's direction, without another word to me. I hate to admit it but I was glad.

"Hey, hot stuff, you still going to the club tonight with Autumn?" Calleigh greeted me with her refreshing smile.

I nodded as I began to pack away my camera.

"Mike's picking me up at ten and sticking about until after her set. He's designated driver tonight so I don't have to worry about drinking." I confirmed, at her dubious look.

"I'll be fine." I said rolling my eyes. "Eric's already put Bernstein under strict orders to make sure I get home safely, and Autumn's pretty responsible, she carried me home and helped me into bed last week."

Calleigh put her hand to her head as Eric raised his eye brows.

"I'm handling it lot better now." I persisted, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I suppose it's better than the whole running back to the "UC and certain death" response you had first time around." Eric pointed out, yelping when I punched him in the arm.

"I'm just saying it was an unhealthy reaction. Hey, you wanna get drunk and have some dirty, meaningless sex…I'm here." Eric winked playfully, as Calleigh shook her head.

"You are such a bad person." I snickered before glancing at my watch again. "I gotta get to the lab; Horatio said I can get in on this case if I make sure all my files are done from last night's shift. I'll upload my Crime Scene pictures and meet you guys in the lay out room." I told them, as I retreated towards the tape.

"Don't forget to make the coffee, I demand Café Cabana, not that Nescafe crap you drink." Delko called over his shoulder as the two of them strode towards Horatio and Tim.

I rolled my eyes as I ducked under the tape.

It was good to know that Eric never changed.

* * *

The AV Lab, or rather Tyler's domain was empty, dark and foreboding. All the screens were blank, signalling that Tyler hadn't made it in for his shift yet. I checked my watch, which was due to start in just a few minutes.

I dropped into his chair and sighed as I leaned back in it. It was the only chair with wheels on in the room. I'd watched Tyler glide effortless from computer to computer on this thing, so despite the fact I was feeing utterly incensed, I decided, whilst there was no one else in the room to try it.

I braced my feet on the bar underneath the table, bent my knees as I lent back in the chair, so I was resting on two wheels and thrust myself backwards. The chair reeled backwards, slipping from underneath me suddenly.

I found myself lying flat on my back, chair alongside me, seeing stars and hearing an uproar of raucous laughter ringing in my ears.

My cheeks flushed red, as I turned my head so my left cheek was pressed against the cool tiles. There were two pairs of feet in my view. I managed to wriggle out of the chair and into a sitting up position before raising my eyes to see their faces.

Tyler and Delko were in gales of hysterical laughter, Eric was clutching his stomach muttering the word priceless over and over again, while I rubbed the sore spot on the back of my head, shooting them both death glares from my sitting position.

It was Tyler who took pity on me, his footsteps reverberating through the room as he stepped towards me and held out his hand to pull me up.

"Not as easy as it looks is it?" he winked before I took his inviting hand.

He used his weight to pull me to my feet. His expression was welcoming as he smiled at me.

"It looks a lot more fun when you're doing it." I returned, touching the back of my head gingerly again.

Tyler's hand was still on mine, his grip softer, his fingertips rough and calloused from the constant hours he spent tapping at the keyboard, but his palms felt smooth, surprisingly so. Funny how I was just noticing that now. His eyes were on my face, his smile still warm and friendly.

"That's a consistent grip you got there Tyler." I mentioned feeling awkward.

Tyler glanced down at his hand, still clasping mine, before he pulled away, blushing furiously.

"Sorry…" he murmured as Delko cleared his throat and stepped into the room.

"Now if you two are done with the whole awkward mating dance thing, can we at least get back to work, or at least do something that I can be involved in." he commented, raising his eyebrows.

Tyler picked up the chair as I gave Delko the middle finger. Delko pulled a tongue out at me, grabbing the back of two chairs and propelled them so they sat along side Tyler's. Tyler was busy switching on the computers now, dodging my gaze as he waited for the systems to load before slipping into his chair pounding on the keyboard at lightning speed.

"O.K, so I have the simulator up." Tyler broke the silence as we dropped into our seats.

Eric slid the autopsy file across to Tyler, who flicked open the manila pages and began to read through the information.

"Right according to autopsy protocol, the fibular was shattered here." Tyler showed us the image of the car hitting the cyber person.

"So that means the grill of the car is low right?" I asked, feeling a little unsure.

When it came to cars I knew shit. I usually left that to the guys who ran the auto shop.

"Anything that aerodynamic has to be high end." Eric said thoughtfully, tapping a pen against his hand.

"You know what? Don't even bother, there's only one car out there with a grill that low." Eric responded, letting out a deep sigh, shaking his head as he sunk into his seat.

"Lamborghini Diablo right?" Tyler questioned as he began to scan the states and match the grills to give us positive I.D.

Tyler was leaning close to the screen, peering at it as his hand moved the mouse quickly. Eric and I sat in silence watching as he worked his magic.

"You guys hear about Speedle's date with Carrie last night?" Tyler asked, his gaze never wavering from the screen in front of him as he hammered at the key board.

"Say what now?" Delko responded, his body going rigid as his head swivelled towards me.

I pursed my lips together, tilting my head away from both men and focusing on the tiny flickering green light on Tyler's hard drive.

"Yea he took her out to dinner last night, to that new Café Noir place, the one that serves the all night coffee." Tyler clarified.

The fucking bastard, he knew I'd wanted to try there.

I took a deep breath, my chest was in agony, my heart was twisting and breaking but there was nothing I could do about it but sit here and listen to Tyler as he continued his conversation while Eric sat in some form of mute horror.

"Apparently they went for a walk along the beach, she tried to seal the deal when he dropped her off but Speedle wasn't having any of it."

I closed my eyes tightly, the back of my hand going to my mouth as I choked back the emotions that were rising within me.

"Girl like Carrie, I bet she nails him next…"

"Tyler that's enough." Eric erupted suddenly.

"But I was just…"

"Tyler!" Eric barked his tone emitting authority as he jerked his head towards me, with an intense glare at the younger man.

"It's ok Eric, I'll have to hear about it at some point right?" I said clearly to the both of them, rising from my seat.

"Kate I'm really sorry, I thought you were over him…" Tyler began, peering up at me as I brushed past his seat.

"I am, I'm just surprised that's all." I tried to shrug it off. "It's not like I care anyway."

"Kate…" Eric was on his feet, his hand reached out for me.

I took a step back shunning him as I wrapped my arms around myself.

"I have to go work on those bank notes for Horatio. I think it's best you do the whole car thing…I won't be much help what that…"

The two of them were staring at me wide eyed; their mouths set in grim lines as I tried to back out of the room and slammed straight into the door frame. I yowled out a curse as my spine connected with the metal rim. Eric was in front of me in an instant, I raised my hands to fend him off.

"Don't…" I muttered, closing my eyes for a brief second.

I didn't want a single person near me at the current moment because I knew my walls would crumble and I refused to be a sobbing, hysterical mess over this. I would not do this now.

Eric raised both of his hands in a surrendering gesture, clearly alarmed by my defensiveness.

"I'm fine." I said, taking a step back into the corridor.

"You wanna talk I'm here." Eric told me.

I could see him analysing me, taking in my body language and expression.

"I know." I murmured, meeting his concerned hazel eyes before turning away to pull the remnants of myself back together again.

* * *

The Trace Lab was one of the most quietest places in the Crime Lab, Eric discovered to his surprise when he stepped inside. Usually Speed was blaring at music or bobbing his head along to something on his headphones, but just like he had for the past three weeks, he was sitting in silence peering into the microscope.

Eric wasn't sure what had happened. One moment Kate and Speed had been happy and jet setting off to Las Vegas for a well earned vacation, then the next…

Well the two of them weren't talking and Kate had switched to the nightshift almost immediately after their return. Something had happened while they were away and he was impatient to know what. He had been a good friend to Kate lately, he hadn't asked, or pushed he'd just let her get on with it and lent a helping hand when ever he could.

Kate hadn't uttered two words about her break up with Speedle, at first Eric thought it was her way of pretending the whole thing had never happened, but he soon realized that UC had drilled that into her nature. She didn't talk about things to anyone anymore. When her and Speed were together Eric knew he was her confident, the one person who knew everything, and now that he was gone, she was bottling things up all over again.

She talked to Calleigh; he knew that because he talked to Calleigh, in fact he'd spent three whole days talking to Calleigh when Speed and Kate had been away in Las Vegas, because she was staying at his condo. Hagen had turned up at her place drunk, and although Eric had shown him the door, he wasn't comfortable with leaving her alone with the possibility of him returning and for once it had been a battle that he'd won. Calleigh had been hurting after Janet had died, and for once she gave in and let someone else take care of her, and he was honoured that it was him.

Eric's eyes were on Speedle as he stood in the door way, watching the other man intently, wondering what the hell was going on in his head. Tyler's revelation had been a shock, to him apparently but not to Kate, who looked like she was so fragile she was about to break at the current moment. She was holding it together but it was hard and hearing about Speedle's would be infidelity made it harder. He knew it was none of his business, but he was finding it increasingly more difficult to keep his nose out of it.

Speedle was one of his closet friends and he respected the other man greatly, but he couldn't help feel that maybe Speedle was making the wrong choice in regards to Kate. He could not figure out what was running through his friend's head, especially with the fact he was dating Carrie.

It hit him in the gut how unmatched the two of them were. Carrie was a cheerful, optimist who like to gossip and Speedle…well he was the direct opposite of that. He was pretty sure the date had been more on Carrie's part than Speed's. He knew the other man well enough to know that there was a reason he had agreed to a date with Carrie and the fact sex was out of the equation puzzled him.

If he didn't close the deal when Carrie was more than willing then what the hell was he playing at? He knew this wasn't about making Kate jealous. Speedle was never callous.

In fact he'd been pretty considerate of Kate after the split three weeks ago. He'd intentionally stayed out of her way and given her space, Eric knew he still cared because he asked after her, he asked how she was doing and when things looked bleak he'd given Eric advice on how he could cheer up the heart broken woman. His advice was sound and Eric was seeing Kate smile a lot more. He was glad that Speedle was lending a helping hand to mend her heart but he could not feasibly see why the two could not be together.

Eric shook his head before deciding to address the case; personal lives had to be pushed aside when they were working. It was the nature of the job and something he never wanted to change.

"It's a Lamborghini Diablo, PPG code 0056." Eric read off the sheet Tyler had printed out, stepping into the Trace Lab and closing the door behind him.

"Metallic yellow?" Speed questioned, looking up from the microscope briefly.

"That's it." Eric clarified, as Speed raised his head his eyebrow creased in deep thought.

"How many guys in Miami do you think own that car?" Speed questioned, his eyes intent on Delko.

Delko was the car man of the two, he was more into the scene than Speedle could ever be, which was why he didn't mind turning to the other man when it came to cases. They were a formidable team, and he enjoyed the easy going banter that Eric instigated.

Delko shrugged before resting his palms on the desktop, leaning forward.

"Own or rent? That car costs a quarter of a million." Delko informed the other man.

Tim nodded before reaching for the phone that sat on the desktop beside him.

"Well that narrows the field…" he muttered, picking up the phone off its cradle, before glancing up at Delko. "You still know that girl who works at the DMV because I hate being put on hold."

"Yea Gina…why?" Eric's forehead creased in confusion.

Speedle held the phone out to him; Eric stared at the other man as if he had a third head.

"I'm not calling her." He protested. "I mean she's… Come on man. I'm gonna have to hear abut how she hasn't heard from me and I don't want to deal with that."

Speedle raised his eyebrows, his expression one that told Delko he was very unimpressed by the younger man's antics.

"Eric, you gotta take them out to eat everyone once in a while. You have to…" he searched for the word. "Cultivate things a little. Come on your better than that. Here, I'll dial for you."

Eric took the phone from Speedle, scowling as he pressed it to his ear and the other man punched in the number.

"If I do this, you gonna fill me in on your date with Carrie?" Delko asked as the call connected.

"Nope." Speedle returned ducking his head and swivelling the lens on the microscope.

"I think I deserve it after you make me call…Hello Gina?"

Speedle pushed a pen and notepad towards Eric and sniggered as he listened to Eric charm the pants off the woman on the other end of the phone.

* * *

The corridor was virtually empty as Horatio fell into step along side me after exiting the reception area.

"We get anything of those bills?" he asked as we strode along the corridor.

"No definitive ridges, but the bills are out of the Federal Reserve in Atlanta. I'm still working on the Miami branch for where they were dispersed." I answered as Tim hurried out of the Trace Lab and stepped up beside Horatio, his body angled towards the older man.

"I've got a lead on the vehicle that hit our vic." He said handing over the manila folder to Horatio; we slowed to a halt as he read through it.

"Registered to a Mr Scott Mandeville." Horatio said out loud, a frown crossing his freckled features.

"Of Mandeville Modelling Agency. That guy's Mr South Beach." I commented, wrapping my arms around myself.

"Yes, right out of New York last year." Horatio added thoughtfully. "What's his current address?"

"They've got him staying at The National." Tim informed Horatio.

"That's where the girl was killed; I'll take Calleigh and see if we can get a positive I.D on our vic." Horatio said to the both of us before disappearing in the direction of the parking garage.

Tim and I stood apart, there was silence between us. I felt his gaze weighing heavily on me as I turned my head away, staring after Horatio as he walked down the corridor.

"So how have you been doing?" his voice was deep and tentative.

I tilted my head towards him, focusing on his shirt and how good the wine red colour looked against his tanned skin.

"Fine…" I said fidgeting with my fingers.

I flinched as he reached out and touched my shoulder. Tim drew back looking startled as I stared at him conflicted. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Sorry I just…Look I want us to be friends. I mean, we care about each other a lot and it didn't work out. I'm sorry but I think it would be a waste if we don't at least try and salvage something from it." He implored.

For a second or two I was speechless, caught up in his words and the genuine expression on his rugged features. That small smile was back, and it reminded me of happier times, it would be so easy just to say yes and let everything go, but it wouldn't ease the pain in my chest, or the tears that claimed me in the middle of the night when I rolled over and reached for him.

I shook my head; I saw the disappointment in his chocolate brown eyes as he read the gesture.

"I can't, not yet. Everything's too raw and you're dating. I mean I haven't even thought about dating and you… well your out there and doing it." I blurted at him.

Tim's eyebrows rose as he crossed his arms over his chest, his jaw clenched.

"You didn't really expect me to be jumping up and down and cheerleading for the fact you and Carrie got it together did you? Because seriously the thought of you and her copulating makes me feel just a little bit nauseous." I stated sardonic.

"You're going to have to accept it at some point, that it's time for us both to move on. I don't want you to be stuck here left behind because you're scared of commitment." Tim said softly.

"I didn't want to get married, so you broke up with me." I stated, with a forced smile.

"Oh come on Kate you were never going to want the same things as I wanted. You never have." He snapped.

I stepped up to him so that the two of us were inches apart, and for the first time in what felt like a life time I rose my eyes to meet his. Emeralds on chocolate all over again, I could smell his scent, masculine and musky. It was tainted by the sharp tang of citreous, not a fruit, part of a perfume. Someone else's perfume.

"You didn't even give me time. You threw me away because I wouldn't force myself to make another wrong decision. You didn't love me at all. You loved what I used to be, what I reminded you of." I shook my head, swallowing hard against the emotions welling up in my chest. "I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted, and I certainly hope that one day you find it."

With that I turned on my heel and began to walk away before calling over my shoulder.

"Oh by the way Tim, when you and Carrie are writing out invites for the wedding don't bother sending one my way. You've got my declination right here." I snarled before pressing on towards the locker room to take a well earned break.

* * *

The AV Lab was in darkness again as Tyler and Calleigh sat a foot apart, their eyes on the screen displaying the MTV footage from Scott Mandeville's exclusive party at The National.

The silence between them was comfortable as they nestled in their separate chairs, watching and searching for something that would aid them into finding out the truth behind Tess's Kimble's murder.

"You think Kate's ready?" Tyler said abruptly into the open air.

Calleigh frowned as she tilted her head towards him, a puzzled expression across her pretty features.

"Ready?" she echoed.

"Yea you know to date again?" Tyler prompted. "I know you guys are close I was wondering if she wouldn't mind me taking her out sometime, help her forget about Speedle and Carrie."

"I think it would be a bad idea. Kate's still fragile over the whole thing, and to find out Tim's dating already. That kinda stuff knocks a girl down. As much as she pretends she's over Tim, I don't think she's anywhere near ready to date yet." Calleigh responded honestly.

"I'm not talking serious here; I'm thinking maybe the movies…"

Calleigh cut him off.

"She would use and abuse you." She stated as a matter of fact.

Tyler hung his head low.

"I know… I just feel bad for her with this whole Carrie and Speed thing. I mean as soon as she heard Speedle was single again, she was in that Trace Lab in a shot. I know Carrie she doesn't take no for an answer." Tyler explained with a deep sigh.

"If you want to take her out as a friend then be my guest but I wouldn't try and get involved. You're a sweet guy Tyler and you don't deserve to get drawn into that mess."

"There's a mess?" Tyler responded, curious.

"Oh it's a big old mess." Calleigh confirmed as she sunk back into her seat her eyes still glued to the screen.

"Hey go back!" she commanded suddenly.

Tyler did as he was told, trying to see what Calleigh was seeing.

"There's Tess in the background. Who's that guy she's talking to?" she peered at the screen, leaning forward in her seat.

"Clavo Cruz, the player from South America." Tyler responded zooming in on the couple.

"He looks agitated." Calleigh said to herself as she tried to read the words on his lips picking up a few sentence's here and there.

"I better call Horatio." Calleigh said before getting her phone out and dialling.

* * *

The Pearl was apparently the place where the models partied between shows; it certainly lived up to its name sake. The VIP section was swarming with gorgeous women clad in barely any clothing as they danced and gyrated around a group of men perched at the bar. The sight was definitely sickening.

"The one in the jewellery." I pointed out to Horatio. "That's Clavo."

Sure enough the guy was covered in enough bling to belong in a Federal Gold Reserve.

"Shocking." Horatio stated, hands on his hips as we strode towards the bar.

The group parted as we steered through them, the girls were drifting away now looking reproachful and unsure. Clavo's eyes rose to us as he slumped in his plush seat, sipping from a champagne glass. The bottle rested on the table, it cost almost as much as my entire collection of shoes, and trust me I had a lot of shoes.

I could feel the weight of Clavo's stare on me, studying and analysing my assets. He started from my breasts and worked his way down before eventually flicking up to my face. He barely looked at Horatio in the whole two minutes we stood before him, and that made my skin crawl.

"Lieutenant Caine MDPD…" Horatio introduced himself, breaking up the whole ogling thing he had going on.

"That's a pretty girl you got there Lieutenant." His tongue licked across his top lip much to my severe disgust. "Reminds me of the reason I came to Miami in the first place."

I frowned as he gave a low whistle.

"How about you show me a good time when you're finished up here Detective…"

"You couldn't handle me Cruz." I responded, feigning boredom at his advances.

Clavo erupted with laughter, slapping his brother's arm.

"Can you believe this? This bitch thinks she's got a choice." He guffawed.

His words sent a chill up my spine but I shook it off. Clavo was rumoured for being unstable, I'd heard of a string of sexual assault cases that had been over before they'd even started due to their father's money.

"Maybe you remember another pretty girl." Horatio prompted, taking the autopsy picture of Tess Kimble out of his inner pocket and holding it out towards Clavo.

Clavo's glanced at the picture before shaking his head and placing a hand over his heart.

"No way. I could never hurt a woman" he smirked, as he raised his eyes to Horatio.

I snorted, drawing Clavo's attention back to me, his eyes wide as if he couldn't believe that I was defying his word.

"Unless your behind the wheel of a car right?" I said with a sarcastic smile.

"You better shut your mouth." Clavo was rigid in his seat now as he jabbed his finger at me.

His eyes were blazing with indignant fury as I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted at him.

"Or what? You'll run me down too? News Flash, I look both ways before crossing the road. The only reason Tess Kimble didn't was because she was scared of you and just to clear things up a little, you don't scare me Clavo." I told him, shaking my head.

"How'd you get the burn on your face?" Horatio injected, throwing Clavo off guard.

His gaze slid to Horatio as he hesitated before answering.

"It's a razor burn, I get too many ingrowns."

"Wrong, that's from an airbag. You were behind the wheel of that car when it hit Tess Kimble." Horatio hypothesised.

"You know, I'm pretty sure that that was a dog, dawg." Clavo slurred, chuckling at his own joke.

I fought the immense urge to shake him and his obnoxious ego.

"Stand up." Horatio commanded.

Clavo did as he was told looking moderately confused. At his full height he towered over me, and I gave him a look over for the first time since we'd got here. He obviously worked out somewhere between the partying, he was in fantastic shape, which only added to my irritation, along with his idiotic sideburns and pain in the ass attitude.

"Turn around I'm taking you in." Horatio informed him as I unclipped my cuffs.

"I have immunity dawg, you can't touch me. Diplomatic Immunity." Clavo threw at the two of us.

"Bavaria, Brazil, Chilli. The rule book says nothing about Baracas." Horatio pointed out.

"No the State Department put us in during Iraq. You got no game!" he beamed right in our faces.

At that very moment I realized there was not a human being I hated more than Clavo Cruz, because above the image and all the money he was just as remorseless his father.

Ramon, Clavo's brother was on his feet, stepping between Horatio and Clavo, trying to simmer down the situation. I flanked Horatio, watching the scene unfold with interest.

"It's true; the State Department gave extraditive accreditation to our father as Baracas general for life, which in turn extends to his sons." Ramón's voice was rational and calm, the hint of smugness was there though.

"I told you I was untouchable." Clavo sneered, as I glowered at him, feeling enraged by the audacity of this man and at the idiocy of the State Department.

Clavo had stepped around his brother now and was standing toe to toe with Horatio looking absolutely entertained by the whole idea of us being unable to lay a hand on him.

"I gotta tell you, when I saw that girl flying through the air like that it was fucking sick bro." he recounted, excitedly. "It made me wish I had a camera or something."

It faltered as Horatio bowed his head and then looked up with his own sadistic smile.

"Get him out of here." Horatio ordered.

I raised my hand to the two uniforms positioned by the exit indicating for them to come forward, as I yanked the cuffs out again, grabbing Clavo's arm, tightly in my hand.

"Don't touch me." He growled, batting my hand off him.

I lashed out, hand clamping on his wrist and twisting his arm up his back in one swift movement. Clavo bellowed in pain as I snapped the cuff on his wrist, taking advantage of his stunned state so I could do the same with the left hand, restraining him completely.

"You're gonna pay for that bitch." he snarled, his face turning red with humiliation as I shoved him towards the uniforms.

"I'm quaking in my boots here Clavo." I told him, rolling my eyes.

"You have no idea who you're messing with." Clavo ranted as Jessop gripped his arm and yanked him towards the exit.

"Oh trust me your nothing special." I called after him, giving him a small finger wave as Jessop led him out towards the exit.

I registered Horatio's presence beside me as I crossed my arms over my chest, watching Clavo struggle and curse.

"That is one big bag of instability." I remarked, grimacing at the last disturbing insult he'd tossed my way.

"You wanna head home and get some sleep? We've got this one." Horatio offered, as he fiddled with his sunglasses.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "Because I don't want to leave you understaffed."

"You shouldn't have been on this case in the first case Kate." Horatio reminded me quietly.

"I guessed as much." I remarked rubbing my hands together. "You were testing me?"

"I want you back on my team where you belong." Horatio stated, as we ambled towards the exit of the club.

"I like the night shift…" Horatio looked at me pointedly, I sighed before telling the truth.

"Your right, I hate it. I hate the hours; I'm not sleeping properly because my mind knows its day time. They treat me like a newbie; make me do all the dumpster dives. For Christ's Sake I know how to use the Mass Spec." I reeled off my list of grievances.

Horatio smiled warmly as I ran a hand through my hair. His hands were on his hips as he analysed me. I turned my head away, focusing on the crew of girls piled together and gossiping.

"I can keep you and Speed apart if that's what you want." he presented.

I rubbed my hands over my face.

"I don't know what I want anymore." I muttered.

"How about…How about I give you some time to think? You want to come back on the day shift you just give me the word." Horatio laid out in front of me.

I nodded before pursing my lips together feeling touched at his effort.

"Thanks Horatio." I mumbled before we stepped out into the dazzling sunlight.

"I'll drop you back at the lab, and then you go home and get some rest." Horatio said kindly, observing my tired features.

"That would be great." I breathed, before yanking open the passenger side of the Hummer and hopping in.

* * *

She was beautiful, she always had been since the day he'd seen her at Columbia. His fingers tapped the picture in his hand as he sighed. It had been over three weeks now and he still didn't have the heart to remove the picture of her from his wallet. He knew he should at some point, but just seeing her genuine smile in this picture broke his heart into a million pieces all over again.

The truth was he wasn't over Kate, that was just part of the huge facade he was putting on. Everyone thought he was fine, the strong one, but the truth was she was the stronger of the two of them. The weight of their breakup rested well on her shoulders. She was the one people looked down on, the one they pitied. She took it in her stride feigning ignorance but he knew that deep down she resented it.

He tried to remember how they'd gotten here, why he'd ended it. She had humiliated him. He still felt that crisp black anger pluming in his chest when he thought of her rejection. He's wanted her to have all of him; he wanted to give in finally. Let her have everything. She hadn't wanted it and he remembered feeling like a fool for thinking she would want that.

In the beginning it had been about him, he'd been selfish, she'd rejected him and he was hurt and bitter. He wanted to make her feel the way that he was feeling, so he'd ended it. He didn't see the point of staying in something that had no future, because she didn't want anything more than what they had, he'd told her. He'd blamed her.

It wasn't Kate's fault, and he could see that now. He could feel it when his lips had been on someone else's. When Carrie's skin had pressed against his, the buttons of her shirt digging into his chest. Her skin was softer than Kate's, and she was thinner, but she wasn't Kate, his mind had screamed. She could never live up to those expectations, because there was no one else that could.

Kate didn't want to get married; she didn't want the picket fence or the kids. Not yet anyway. She wanted the career, and whilst he sat there his fingertips smoothing over the wrinkled lines on her face, he asked himself why she shouldn't have that. He'd been there and done that four years ago. He was on the promotion grid, he had upgraded. Kate hadn't even had a chance to do that. UC had taken away the six years that he had excelled in. He couldn't understand her desire for a career because he already had one. She was behind him in regards to that, it was something new for her and he kicked himself for not thinking about that at the time.

Carrie had been persistent; she was pushing and persuasive when it came to bullying her way to get a date. He knew if he hadn't been so hung up on his anger at Kate he never would have said yes. She'd picked the place of course, he'd let her do what the hell she wanted because he wasn't really there with her, he was thinking, wondering more so about what Kate was doing at that very moment. He'd almost dropped back into the lab that night, knowing she was probably knee deep in the nightshift's latest crime scene, but he'd stopped himself.

Carrie had invited him in that night for "coffee." He'd declined because in his heart it still felt like a betrayal to Kate. Carrie had tried and he had to give her points for trying because she had all but stripped for him, she'd gone as far as rubbing her hand over his cock through his jeans, but there was no chance he was going to get hard, no matter what the younger woman did. He just didn't do it for him.

Despite the fact he'd tried to tell her that he'd walked in this morning listening to rumours of their night together ringing in his ears. He had to say he was not the least bit impressed, and had told Carrie so when they'd bumped into each other.

The door to the Trace Lab opened, banging against the glass panel behind it causing Speed to almost jump out of his skin. He jammed the picture into his wallet before flicking through the back pocket, pretending to be checking his cash.

"You up for some overtime tonight?" Delko hollered a wide smile across his features as Speed snapped his wallet shut.

"Sure. I have nothing better to do with my evening." He shrugged, standing up to slip his wallet into his back jeans pocket.

"Horatio wants us to run surveillance on Clavo tonight. See if we can get something to nail him with." Eric explained, holding the door open for his friend as they stepped out into the corridor.

"He found away to get past that Diplomatic Immunity issue yet?" Speed questioned as he followed Eric towards their offices.

"He's working on it, let's grab Calleigh and we'll be on our way." Delko rubbed his hands together in glee.

"What are you so happy about?" Speedle asked raising an eyebrow as they moved towards Calleigh's office.

"She's made snack bags for the three of us and flasks of coffee." Delko informed Speed.

The corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile. Calleigh was the best person to go on surveillance with; she packed enough snacks to feed a third world country and catered for everyone's needs. Tim already knew that his contained organic bits and pieces from whatever shop Calleigh had managed to duck into.

"You gotta love Calleigh." He grinned as Eric rapped his knuckles on her door.

She was already holding up the brown paper bags for them to check out before they embarked on their next task.

* * *

The air on the fire escape was cold, leaving goose bumps on my bare arms as I stood there frozen, lighter in hand as I closed my eyes tasting the paper of the cigarette in my mouth.

This was such a bad idea, I had to quit right now. I hadn't even had the chance to smoke one last cigarette before I got the news. I tried to convince myself that one last cigarette wouldn't hurt but I knew otherwise, it would do more damage than good and my body was already under a supreme amount of pressure as it was.

I took the cigarette out of my mouth and rolled it between my fingers, watching as it twirled over and over again. I'd be saying good bye to these guys for a while at least, I thought as I positioned it on my fingers and flicked it into the darkness, before taking the pack and hurling them as far as I could, to avoid temptation.

Temptation had got me in this mess in the first place. I knew that eventually one of my vices would come back to bite me in the ass. The doctor had been kind, listing my options and telling me what each one involved, we hypothesised what had caused this anomaly.

As it turned out my last Doctor hadn't been very forth coming about the side effects of the painkillers I was drug trailing. Hence why I was I was scheduled to return to my doctor's practice in a week's time. There were decisions to be made and they had to be done soon so we could step up my level of treatment before things could get any worse.

I snickered; I doubted they could get any worse right now. I was facing one of my worst nightmares utterly alone and I had to admit although I was scared there wasn't a chance in hell I was going to open my mouth and tell someone until I had a clear course of action. Right now there were too many thoughts bumbling around my head to even think about this logically.

I know I wasn't being rational, hence why I'd ended up at Club Mood with Bernstein and Autumn waiting as she set up for her gig. I'd feigned a smoke, so I could grab a few minutes to myself to think, to let the news of my condition be absorbed.

The railings of the fire escape were rickety and James, the manager had already warned me not to lean on them. He rarely let people out onto the fire escape, but I'd managed to convince him it would take me less than ten minutes to grab a smoke, who would be the wiser?

The club was on two floors. The VIP section was up here on the second floor and that was where Autumn would be playing her set tonight. Downstairs I could hear the music thumping and the chatter of voices as people danced and chattered beneath me.

I heard the door behind me click open. I rolled my eyes before straightening up and turning to face the culprit.

"Did you time me or something?" I grumbled before coming face to face with the one person I never expected to see here.

The surprise was mirrored in rich hazel eyes as we stood inches apart on the tiny balcony.

"I'm surprised the bouncers let trash like you in." Clavo Cruz stated with an amused expression.

"Excuse me," I said trying to step around him. "If that's the best you can do, I can see it's obviously not worth my time being in the same vicinity as you."

"I'll show you what I can do."

His large hand curled around my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

"Let go of my arm." I demanded.

The lingering rage was still left over from this afternoon and I could feel the fiery fury still rushing through my veins, yet it was tinged with something else now. As Clavo's grip on my arm tightened, pinching the skin. I realized it was fear.

"Make me." He smirked, baring his teeth.

The door was behind him, and if I could get to it I would be safe, but my brain was already rushing ahead trying to figure out how to defuse the situation.

"This is a bad idea Clavo…" I trailed off as his rough fingers trailed up my thigh and underneath my skirt.

I was paralysed; the shock at this violation had stunned me right to the core. My fist was clenched as I felt icy cold fear begin to flood the pit of my stomach. My breathing was becoming rapid now, I was panicking. I could feel my chest tightening at the thought of what he could do.

"I'm untouchable babe, I can do whatever the hell I want, and you can't do a damn thing."

The breath left my throat as the tips of his fingers grazed across my panties. His face was inches from mine; I could see the lust in his eyes, and the sickening smile that curved across his face. His head dipped towards me, and I realized with a moment to spare that he was moving in for a kiss. The idea of his lips on mine repulsed me, almost as much as the fact his hand was on my ass now. He squeezed it tightly and I snapped.

My survival instincts kicked in, and I responded the only way I could in such close quarters. I head butted him. I drove my forehead straight into his nose, hearing the bone crack as I made the connection. I was seeing stars for a second, a dull stinging sensation at the crown of my head; he roared in rage his arms flailing. His fist caught me in the side of the face as I tried to dart past him towards the door.

I reeled backwards; overbalancing and ending up on my ass, my head bouncing off the buckling railing as I yelped in pain. I saw the boot before it impacted with my stomach. Steel toe caps and genuine leather knocked the air right out of me. My body slumped back against the railing; I tried to twist in order to protect my stomach as my hands grabbed the banister to pull myself up.

White hot pain erupted as his boot caught my ribs, the loud crunch audible over the dance music below. There wasn't a chance in hell I could hold back the scream that erupted from me. Tears ran down my cheeks as I choked back the fear and the immense fire burning on my left side.

"Get up." He demanded.

His hand was already threaded through my hair as he yanked me to my feet by the roots. I yowled, as he pulled me back against his body, my own sagging against him. I could barely breathe already as Clavo's muscular arm, snaked around my throat, restricting my air supply even more.

"You're going to feel what's like to have a real man inside you, and then you're going to go crying back to your Lieutenant, telling him how I taught you the lesson that was meant for him." Clavo whispered in my ear as I struggled against him, trying to loosen his grip.

My fingernails scrapped across his forearm as I tried to dislodge it from my throat. To my distaste he simply laughed, jamming a knee between my thighs to separate them. I tried to clamp my legs shut with no success.

"I'm going to enjoy this." He told me.

I heard the clunk of his belt, before I felt his bare thighs pressing against the back of mine. I closed my eyes trying to maintain my calm, attempting to block out the fact his hand was already wandering up the back of my skirt.

I took a deep breath, before I hoped and prayed that I had enough strength left. My ribs were aching, I knew at least one of them was broken and I knew that I would rather die right here, right now then let this bastard take me.

Clavo was busy nuzzling my neck, his free hand attempting to bypass my lace panties when I rammed my elbow into his solar plexus. He howled enraged, his grip sliding off my throat as he shoved my body away from him. I hit the railing with tremendous force, causing it to wobble underneath my weight. I could already feel it buckling as I tried to regain my balance. I just about managed to draw back before the rusted railing gave a loud groan and collapsed, falling over two stories.

My heart was hammering in my chest, my breathing coming in short gasps as I realized how close I'd just come to toppling over with it.

I felt his presence behind me before his hand clamp down on the back of my neck. His body was pressed against mine as he forced me forward right to the very edge of the platform. I couldn't even struggle because I knew if he let me go right now, I was going to take a nose dive after that railing. He had me in a position of power.

Check fucking mate.

"Looks a long way down doesn't it?" he hissed into my ear, as I closed my eyes to spare myself the view laid out before me.

I was not a fan of heights.

"Don't do this." I pleaded, feeling the tears trickle down my cheeks.

The back of my head was resting against Clavo's chest; I could feel his heart rate beginning to race with excitement.

"Why? Why shouldn't I throw your bitch ass off this platform?" he urged.

I took a deep breath trying to control the sobs that were wrenching against my chest, I knew he could feel them; we were pressed so close together he could feel every god damn movement my body made. I knew he was getting off on it from the way his breath quickened on the base of my neck.

"I'm pregnant." I confessed in a small voice.

I felt his grip on the back of my neck loosen, relief filled me. There was hope; he couldn't take an innocent life, one that hadn't even stood a chance yet. Not my baby's. I relaxed slightly against him; I felt his muscles tense before I realized what he was doing.

"So I'll be doing somebody a favour."

The last thing I felt was his hand on my back before I hurtled through the air, the concrete rushing up to meet me.

There hadn't even been time for a simple goodbye.

* * *

The Hummer was parked across the street from Club Mood, underneath the shade of the trees so that the Crime Lab logo was practically invisible. They'd been sitting here since nine pm, and so far they had seen no sign of Clavo, despite the fact they knew he was in there.

The silence between the three of them was heavy there were things that remained unspoken. The tension was becoming unbearable. Speedle had already left the confines of the vehicle twice, feigning a leak the first time and the need to stretch his legs the second. Now he was sitting in the back seat, eating an organic granola bar Calleigh had packed for him.

"They've been in there all afternoon according to Yelina, maybe they've gone out the back?" Eric submitted, as they watched the front of the club.

"Clavo Cruz is definitely coming out the front." Calleigh disagreed, the back of her hand against her mouth as she rested her elbow on the padding under the window.

"How'd you figure?" Speed asked between mouthfuls of oats and nuts.

"He loves the attention too much to slip out the back." Calleigh conceded.

Both Speedle and Eric found themselves agreeing, there was silence again before Eric twisted in his seat, so he could face Speed, who was happily chomping his way through granola bar number two.

"What?" he grumbled, narrowing his eyes at the younger man.

"I wanna know why you broke up with Kate." Delko stated.

"And you're going to do it by watching me eat?" Speedle questioned, trying to distract himself by studying the texture of his granola bar.

"If I have to." Eric responded.

Speedle rolled his eyes before inserting the rest of the cereal bar into his mouth and chewing on it heartily.

"He proposed to her and she said no." Calleigh responded, picking up her flask of coffee and pouring out another cup.

Speedle glared at the back of her head as Delko's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped.

"You… you of all people. I mean I thought I'd be taking that plunge long before you did…Oh my God that's why you took her to Vegas!" Eric rambled incoherently, the shock causing his brain to run riot.

"That is not why I took her to Vegas. Vegas had nothing to do with it. I wanted a future and Kate didn't, so we broke up." Speedle said shortly crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back in the seat.

"You had more of a future with Kate than you do with Carrie." Calleigh pointed out.

"Carrie is just plain scary, she made a joke about Rohypnol and Viagra the other day… I'd be watching my drinks next time your out with her." Eric warned, shivering at the thought.

"Trust me there won't be a second time." Tim informed the two of them.

"You mean you're actually going to admit you were wrong and apologize to Kate for being such a SOB?" Calleigh chimed in.

Eric tilted his head towards Speed watching his reaction.

"I didn't do anything wrong." Speedle protested. "I'm the victim here, she led me on. I mean I thought we were going to get married and have kids, grow old. I thought there was more to us…"

Eric was staring at him transfixed, unable to breathe a word. He'd never thought that Speedle even considered that stuff and now the poor dude was pouring his heart out because his hopes and dreams had been destroyed by the woman he loved. Eric was seriously repressing the urge to reach out and give the guy a hug.

"You know what Tim? If you actually bothered to ask Kate about the future, you'd find out exactly what she wanted from you. She wanted marriage and kids, and the rocking chair on the porch, but not yet. UC took away six years of her life Tim, six years that you had to build your career and create a home. Kate hasn't had that, and you could have at least given her some time to do those things without acting like a selfish asshole." Calleigh snapped, shaking her head in distain.

Speedle slumped back in his seat sulking, as Eric slowly turned to face the window feeling utterly stunned by Speedle's revelation and Calleigh's outburst. It was probably best not to say anything, he decided. Just keep your mouth shut.

There was a commotion by the front doors of the club now, and Speedle was leaning forward between their two seats as the three of them flicked back into work mode.

"Wait that's him." Speedle muttered, pointing at the figure stumbling in the direction of the metallic yellow Lamborghini Diablo.

"Looks like W.W.I to me." Eric remarked as Calleigh began to whip her cell out.

"He's definitely walking whilst intoxicated." Calleigh confirmed as she dialled dispatch.

"He gets behind the wheel of that car and he's our business right?" Speedle clarified as they watched Clavo step up towards the car and open the door.

The three of them were already out of the Hummer by the time Clavo climbed inside the Lamborghini Diablo.

* * *

Bernstein was praying. He had never been a religious guy, but for once he begged God to hear him, because otherwise he was pretty sure that Kate Callahan was going to die.

They'd come to find her after Autumn had finished her set. When she didn't return after the first song, Bernstein had guessed she just needed a little space. He knew from Autumn that Kate was taking the break up between her and Speedle hard.

By the last song he was worried and he could see Autumn was too, Kate didn't take off without a reason and he remembered James warning her about the railings on the fire escape. So even with that scenario at the forefront of his mind, he wasn't prepared for what the two of them had stumbled upon.

Kate's body had been lying underneath the platform, the railing crushed underneath her.

It had taken less than thirty seconds for the two of them to dart back inside and down the stairs. Autumn already had her cell phone out, as they erupted into the fresh night air.

Kate was lying face down on the paving stones, her head was twisted at an awkward angle facing him, her eyes were shut as blood trickled from between her lips. Her left arm was bent grotesquely, trapped underneath her body. There was blood pooling around her abdomen and chest, the puddle soaking through her clothes and staining the pavement.

Bernstein dropped to his knees besides the young woman, his fingers automatically seeking out a pulse urgently. To his immense surprise it was there, faint but her heart was still beating. He found himself flooded with relief as Autumn spoke to dispatch calmly.

Bernstein reached down and rolled Kate on her back in order to assess the damage done to her body and stem the bleeding. He wasn't prepared for what he saw and in hindsight he always wondered if that had been the best course of action.

He heard Autumn's cell phone clatter to the ground behind him as he stared at the mess that was Kate's chest cavity.

It was clear her ribs were shattered, he could see them protruding through the huge gash that had split open the skin and torn through her clothes. Splinters of metal from the broken railings jutted out of her abdomen, glinting in the light, that streamed upon them from the club. Blood was pouring out of her, thick, free and flowing. He knelt there stunned, not sure if there was anything he could possibly do, and if there was he had no idea where to begin.

Autumn was by his side peeling off her jacket quickly before bundling it up and pressing it as hard as she could against the open wound.

"Mike, I need you to do the same, otherwise she's going to bleed out." Autumn commanded, her voice filled with an authority he'd never heard from her before.

He snapped out of his daze and began shrugging off his own jacket in an attempt to stem the bleeding.

"EMS are on their way." Autumn recounted as she moved Bernstein's hand so that he covered a large section of the seeping wound. "She's lost so much blood already."

"Kate…" the name cut through the both of them like ice, as they raised their gazes to the owner of the voice, dread filling their hearts.

Delko stood there, unable to move and unable to breath as his eyes fell on the scene in front of him.

There were sirens wailing close by and the lights of the ambulance were clearly visible as he stood there transfixed. Kate's entire body was limp and framed in vivid red blood. Calleigh was standing next to him, her mouth locked in a grimace as EMS hurried past them and towards Autumn and Bernstein who were trying desperately to keep Kate alive.

Eric was turning around; his body already knew what he had to do long before his mind registered it. He was numb, his brain rushing over the details and attempting to process as he turned the corner and found himself faced with a scene of a different kind.

Clavo Cruz was wrestling against the uniforms that held him between them. His hands cuffed behind his back as he snarled and shouted at an amused looking Speedle. Speed looked complacent; his arms folded over his chest a smirk across his features as he winked at Clavo before turning around to face Delko.

The grin died on lips, the blood draining from Speed's face as he caught sight of the expression marring Eric's features. He'd never seen it before but somehow he knew, in his heart there was something terrifyingly wrong. It felt lighter now, and not in a good way, like something was missing.

A stretcher darted behind Eric on route towards the ambulance, and for some reason he couldn't comprehend he found himself focusing on the hand dangled limply alongside it. There was a flash of silver, a heart, a cross and an anchor jingling together on a thin chain as a droplet of blood ran down the owner's arm and dripping from the anchor to the ground.

Faith, Hope and Charity.

He remembered that bracelet a life time ago, given in a royal blue box for Christmas. Her eyes lighting up and her sensual mouth kissing his in thanks.

Her name was on his lips as his heart began to thud in his chest. He could taste bile in the back of his throat, the sickness clawing at his stomach as he took a step forward and then another. His eyes were on her dark hair and eventually her pale face as the paramedics sped the gurney towards the ambulance.

Kate?" he questioned.

There was blood trickling from her mouth onto the white pillow as her head lolled on her shoulder. She looked lifeless, her entire body limp, as the paramedics held wads of snow white gauze to her chest and lower body. They were tainted with red almost one after the other, as they packed more and more into her immobile form.

"Kate!" He shouted, his legs moving on their own accord.

He was beside her in an instant, snatched up her cold hand and holding it tightly between his warm ones.

"Sir I need you to step back." The paramedic was talking now but Speedle heard nothing as he cupped her hand in his, using the cuff of his sleeve to wipe the blood from the bracelet as he took in the sight before him.

He was stuck there frozen in time. He was cold, all he could feel was the freezing numbness racing through his veins.

"Speed, let her go." Delko's voice filtered through to his brain, and he jerked his head to the right as Eric's arm settled around his shoulders.

His eyes strayed to Kate again, her face porcelain white against the blood at the corner of her mouth. The paramedics began to move again, he felt her hand slip from his as they loaded her into the ambulance with as much care as they could.

The doors of the ambulance were closed; blocking their view after the stretcher was secured. Calleigh's arm was wrapped around Speed's waist and it was almost soothing against all the pain that was gracing his body right now. Bernstein and Autumn were standing alongside Eric now, both were covered with blood, completely at a loss as the ambulance began to pull away from the curb.

In the background Clavo was still growling and yelling as Officer Jessop shoved him into the back of a patrol car. No one paid him any attention. Right now he wasn't even important.

They watched the tail lights disappear down the street, each one of them feeling exhausted and helpless as they felt a part of their lives evaporate as if it had never even existed.

* * *

_**Firstly special thanks to BEG, you helped me with the end so much it wouldn't have been any good without you! You are a fantastic writer and your help was appreciated.**_

_**Thank you to all the readers! Lurkers let me know what you think and reviewers, let me know what you think!**_

_History: lol I had to have them split for the nature of this chapter. What did you think?_

_Blue: scoffs cookies. Ahh about the whole jumped the shark thing. The marriage thing shows the different places they are in life. She missed six years and all the stuff he did she's doing now. They're just in very different places, and the HIV and Marty had a role to play. As addressed that's not the reason they went to Vegas._

_Pip: lol you're making me blush. I want a Speedle! I've been putting him on my Christmas list for years not sigh; I'm not a good enough girl to get him._

_BEG: Thanks for all your help with this chap; it feels like I ran a marathon. I know that son. Lol I don't think I'd have the guts to do the whole mile high thing! Esp if the stewardess caught me I would be mortified. I just thought I had to try and capture how much they know each other that's why I tossed the Marty thing in and the nose thing was really cute. I am such a coward when it comes to rides! OMG we must not speak of that nickname I am utterly traumatised from reading that fic. Lol I'd be staying in every night if that was on the cards with Speed. drooling. I'm glad you liked the talk, thanks for playing it out with me; I was having real trouble trying to get two sides to that argument. I would have been like God Yes!_

_Lapland: lol lucky them for not getting arrested. Sigh I will never think of a plane bathroom again like that. I didn't know about the whole passport thing. I read up on the whole theme park and it sounds awesome! Lol I needed a cold shower after writing it. The strawberry thing wrote itself I was like wtf at the end of that little bit. I wanted to show their level of trust as well. It's too soon for her to get married, she's nervous and unsure about a lot of things, and that level of commitment is too much. What did you think of this chap?_

_Cheymon: I updated! What do you think?_


	18. Chapter 18: Faith, Hope and Charity

Chapter Eighteen: Faith, Hope and Charity

_Cos this is the day that everything changes  
And the world stops turning, running straight,  
Into the break lights, you've come to nothing  
This is the day that everything changes and your worlds collide  
You know in time you'll wake to find you're a little unbroken_

_Missy Higgins - Unbroken_

The waiting room was quiet. Speedle was surprised by how desolate it looked. There were few people besides them parked in the stiff vinyl chairs. Grace Memorial was the hospital of choice for cops; the medical staff knew members of the MDPD by sight and vice versa. It showed in the dedication of the staff and the friendly reassurances that Tim had endured while he listened to Doctor Franklin, a man he had also worked cases with, run through a catalogue of injuries that Kate had sustained.

The list felt endless, shatter ribs, punctured organs, internal bleeding, broken wrist, busted nose, fractured jaw and orbital bone. The doctor had conceded that a minimal amount of surgery would be needed to fix Kate's face, that would come at a later point if she made it through the night. The doctor was brutally honest when Tim asked what her chances were. Two out of ten, he'd said and that was if she didn't have a stroke from the shock.

Speed put his head in his hands and rubbed at his eyes wearily, trying to block out the sights and sounds surrounding him. It was unbearable at the moment, the dull ache revolving in his chest. The collar of his shirt felt constricting; he was sweating, a symbol of anxiety and stress.

Their baby hadn't stood a chance against a fall like that. The doctor had told him death was likely to have been instantaneous. He hoped it was. He was pretty sure that foetus's didn't feel any pain until at least twenty four weeks anyway, and Kate had only just been over twelve by Franklin's estimation.

Their baby would have been developing; it would have a face, and the beginnings of neurological activity, instead of a foetus it would have been becoming a baby. Their baby.

He imagined nights curled up next to Kate, reading from a baby book underneath the blanket on her couch. He could see her in the later stages, wearing maternity clothes as their baby grew happy and healthy inside her. He imagined kicks, cravings, even birth, late night feeds and first steps.

In seconds it had been there and gone again. A fleeting dream, something precious torn apart and destroyed, and that stung more than anything because now it looked like he'd lost everything or rather that he was going to lose everything.

It overwhelmed him, piercing his soul straight to the core when he realized what the stabbing sensation in his chest was. It was grief.

There were tears now, they were scalding his eyes, bitter and salty as they began to leak down his cheeks. His hand was over his mouth to cover the choked sobs that were wrenching at his chest. The only way to breath was through his nose and even that was noisy and painful.

Eric's arm was around his shoulders, his voice was cracking too as he attempted to reassure and sooth the older man, with a conviction that he all too obviously didn't feel. The truth was he was scared; he'd never been more scared in his life, not even when he'd had to tell Megan about sneezing on that flash light. The shock and the fear, all too real and the image of Kate lying there was something he knew was fused into his mind.

Speed wasn't even trying to hide the fact he was crying now, and Eric listened to each one of those long, antagonizing sobs, feeling his heart breaking with each beat. He didn't deserve this, Kate didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve to be fighting for her life in surgery to repair what was left of her diaphragm because her ribs had practically been destroyed.

They hadn't deserved to lose that baby.

No one had known that Kate was pregnant, not even Speed and Eric prided himself on being observant. There had been signs and he knew it now, the excessive Gravol taking, he'd suspected she'd gained a little weight recently but there wasn't a chance in hell he was ever going to mention that. He thought it may have been a little comfort eating over the break up.

He knew he was asking himself the same questions as Speed.

Had Kate known? Had the break up between her and Speedle been so bad that she hadn't been able to bridge that gap and tell him that she was pregnant? Had the prospect of being a single mother become so overwhelming that it had driven her to attempt to take her own life?

Whatever the answer, he knew she would have been terrified at the prospects that were laid ahead of her, especially if she was facing them alone.

He knew that Speed blamed himself, but the truth was Speedle could never have known and he knew that that was haunting the other man. The fact that Kate hadn't been able to turn to him when she needed him the most, hit him right in the heart.

Horatio was there along with Tripp, they were standing at the edge of the corridor in deep conversation with one of the doctors. Their expressions grave as they listened to him speak.

Calleigh had stayed at the scene to secure it and more than likely to process it too. Calleigh had the ability to distance herself on a personal level when it came to a Crime Scene. She had proved this when her friend Janet was killed by Hank Kerner. He was glad that she had been the one to take on Kate's case. Calleigh was though and she'd be determined to see it through until the end, no matter what the outcome was.

Delko watched as the doctor handed Horatio a clear plastic bag, blood was already smearing the outer edges. He already knew that it contained Kate's clothing and other personal effects that had been brought in with her. He knew that Speed was watching too, his dark eyes intent on that bag upon the shiny thing that was gathered in the bottom corner.

Horatio and Tripp were walking towards them now, Tripp's hand rubbing across his mouth, a clear sign of agitation. He looked completely out of it and Eric knew he was puzzling over the event, just like Speed, just the way they all were. It was hard to absorb and if he hadn't seen it Eric wouldn't have believed it either.

"Speed I'm sorry."

Horatio's voice was soft and when Speedle tilted his head up to meet the other man's gaze he saw those brilliant blue eyes filled with a sorrow that matched his own. Kate had meant something to Horatio too; she'd been part of his family as much as she'd been part of Tim's. They were all suffering.

"It's like a nightmare and I keep trying to wake up but it won't happen, and every time another Doctor comes over it gets just that little bit worse." He confessed, running a hand through his hair and swallowing that hard ball of emotion down.

"They said their going to do as much as they can to get her life threatening injuries under control before they move onto the less major ones. Either way she's going to be in surgery the majority of the night, there was so much damage…" Eric trailed off, the image of Kate's blood in his mind as he closed his eyes and exhaled deeply.

"She has a two out of ten chance of surviving. Her lungs were collapsed from the fall and they were soaking up the blood because her ribs pierced some of her internal organs." Speedle stated, his arms wrapped around himself as his eyes lingered on the double doors leading to surgery.

A hot hand clasped his shoulder tightly and Speedle raised his head to see to his surprise that it as not Horatio that was reaching out, but Tripp.

"Kate's a fighter Speedle. If anyone has a chance of making it it's her. You just gotta have a little faith that she'll pull through this." Frank said.

Just looking into the older man's face Speed could see the level of belief he had in that statement, and for the first time ever he found himself in awe of Tripp. He nodded his agreement before rising to his feet, Eric following suit.

"Calleigh's got the case?" he questioned Horatio, his hands smoothing over his wrinkled shirt.

He knew he needed to change but there was nervous energy coursing through his veins, he needed to do something. He needed to work and finish the Kimble case until the Doctor called with news on Kate's surgery. He couldn't stand the prospect of waiting eight hours maybe more, in this damn waiting room, it made him feel irate and claustrophobic, it reminded him that he had no control over the way things were going to happen. His work environment, now he could control that.

"Calleigh and Tripp are going to work this one, while you and Eric continue the Kimble case; we need to pull together on this, it's what Kate wants." Horatio told them, and Speed felt grateful that his mentor hadn't used the past tense.

The others nodded their agreement, Speedle's gaze lingered on Tripp for a second, he wasn't even on the clock and he was willing to give up his free time for Kate. They were moving towards the exit now, all four of them. The doctor's had both his and Horatio's numbers, so they could be updated on the situation. He knew Kate wouldn't want him moping around the hospital waiting, she was proactive, she'd want him to get things done.

Horatio was hanging back now, falling into step along side him, as Tripp and Eric strolled ahead, talking through their next course of action.

"Speed?" Horatio's voice was soft and Speedle found himself drawing to a halt alongside the other man as he fiddled with something in his inner suit pocket.

"I found this in Kate's purse; I think she would want you to have it." He said quietly, holding something out towards him.

Speed frowned, as Horatio handed him a slim black laminated item. He gazed down at it, trying to make sense of the textures in front of him before the realization hit him so hard, he was suffocating.

He could make out the white blotches that marred the darkness of the scan, the definitive lines and shades that made up the head and body. Their baby at three months at actually looked like a baby; to his surprise the picture had been quite clear.

"The date is today." Horatio murmured.

Speed nodded, his throat constricting as his fingers traced the scan lightly.

"I wonder how long she knew." He wheezed, sagging against the wall for support, the scan clenched tightly in his hand.

"There was a prescription for folic acid also made out for today." Horatio told him gently.

"I need…Can you take me home? I just need a few hours to pull myself back together and then I'll be able to function again." Speedle said in a small voice, his eyes still on that tiny scan.

Horatio's hand was on the younger man's back soothing as he guided him towards the parking lot of the hospital.

"Take as long as you need."

* * *

"Miss Duquesne, what do we have?" Horatio questioned as he stepped into the layout room.

His hands were on his hips as he gaze swept the room taking in the organised chaos that Calleigh had created. There was method in the madness he knew that, he saw it in the way things were divided.

Calleigh pushed the wisps of blond hair out of her face as she straightened up, and turned her head to face her mentor.

"We have a bunch of witnesses who saw Clavo Cruz step onto the balcony after Kate went out there. We also know that he came back ten minutes later alone and ten minutes after that the alarm was raised on Kate's condition."

"That still gives us a ten minute window unaccounted for." Horatio stated thoughtfully. "Anyone could have gone out there in that time."

"Well that's what I thought, no one saw anyone go outside, I started to think how I could prove that. So I went outside and studied the shoe prints. Now I have Kate's boots here." Calleigh indicated towards the broken knee high boots. "But there was a second set of prints and the boots are pretty distinctive, they're genuine leather and go for over a grand a pair. I noticed Clavo was wearing the exact same brand when we had him in interrogation before."

Horatio nodded his understanding and waited for Calleigh to continue.

"Also there was DNA on Kate's skirt." Calleigh averted her gaze for a moment before pressing on. "I'm having it run against the DNA Clavo submitted onto your shirt."

"What kind of DNA are we talking about here?" Horatio asked, looking troubled.

Calleigh pursed her lips together as she showed Horatio the pictures of the stain on the back of the skirt.

"Salvia mixed with phlegm; I ran a test to see how far away the person was when they volunteered this sample." Calleigh slid the folder with her findings towards Horatio. "They were standing on the platform, whoever was up there spat on her while she was lying there bleeding."

The disgust in Calleigh's tone was easy to read and Horatio felt the same indignant anger that he knew the young woman felt. He never dreamed that they'd be standing here and looking at pictures of Kate's broken body, he felt like he'd let her down in a way.

"I put a rush on so we should get the results back soon from DNA. I was just on my way to match Clavo's boot print to the one I have." Calleigh informed him.

"Mind if I come along?" Horatio asked quietly as Calleigh crouched down to grab her kit.

She raised her eyes towards Horatio and gave him a warm smile.

"Of course not." She said, as she rose to her feet and motioned towards the door.

She hesitated in the corridor outside; Horatio drew to a halt next to her concerned.

"Even if we do match the DNA and the boot print, will we be able to charge him for attempted murder?" she asked cautiously, knowing the delicate situation they were in.

"You leave that to me, I'm working on that, you just get the evidence we need." Horatio told her.

Calleigh nodded, before the two of them began to stride down the corridor together and towards Central Booking.

"How's Tim holding up?" she asked in a hushed tone.

"Not too well at the moment, I took him home but I have no doubt he'll return to the lab at some point." Horatio studied Calleigh for a second. "What about you?"

"Kate was… is my friend. I know she'd want me to find out what happened and lay it to rest. The truth is I need peace of mind from this, and I want to be able to give Tim and her some closure." Calleigh confessed.

"Then let's go do that." Horatio offered, holding the door open for her before following her through.

* * *

Kate's house was cluttered; he guessed she'd been so busy with work she hadn't got time to clean. The blanket was strewn across the couch as if it had just been kicked off. There was a mug of half drunk coffee resting beside it on top of a coaster. Her hair clip was resting on the coffee table and Speed had the sudden image of her shaking her tousled dark hair free before curling up on the couch with the coffee. His gaze slipped to the pile of forensic journals, haphazardly shifted to the end of the coffee table, she'd been busy, he acknowledged.

While he'd been off in bars, drowning out the memories of her rejection she'd been studying her ass off trying to learn all she could to get on the promotion track.

He'd never handed back her spare key and he wasn't sure whether that had been intentional or not. Kate had never called him on it. So he guessed she hadn't realized he still had it.

He didn't know why he was here, but there was something oddly comforting about being in Kate's place and amongst her things. It reminded him of the way things were before his proposal and right now he was willing to lapse back into that for the moment.

Speedle found himself standing in her bedroom, his eyes taking in the messy sheets on her side. His side was still neatly made, a sign no other person had taken his place in the time they'd been apart. The truth was he hadn't been sleeping well lately. He couldn't sleep anymore without her by his side and he spent endless amounts of hours lying in his own bed, staring at the patterns on the ceiling, his mind toiling over the way he'd left things. He'd been determined to move on without her, show her that he didn't need her, that there were other women who could make him happy.

It had been bullshit, he knew that now. He also knew if Kate Callahan died that he wouldn't be far behind.

Tim dropped down onto the bed, hearing it creak as he kicked off his shoes and lay down, staring at the ceiling for a moment, his hands resting on his chest. It didn't feel the same without her lying there beside him, he thought, rolling onto his side and facing Kate's pillow.

He missed her; he'd been missing her for almost a month now. The scent of her shampoo was embedded on the pillow next to his head. He closed his eyes and breathed in the sweet lingering smell of Nightshade Number Nine, jasmine and the underlying smell that made Kate.

He pulled the pillow towards him, his face buried in it. He wrapped his arms around the object and hugged the cream pillow to his chest just breathing in her smell, trying to fill himself with her essence. He wondered what would happen if she died. What would happen to the house and to him? Would he wait until the funeral, and then follow her?

All these questions bounced around his head, tumbling and whirling until he felt his eyes grow heavy. The stress of the day and the double he pulled were catching up on him, and he found it impossible to fight off the heavily growing drowsiness that was overwhelming him. Before he knew it he was fast asleep, face pressed against Kate's pillow as he dreamed of what their life could have been.

* * *

He'd found her letters, they were scrunched up into balls and thrown haphazardly at the wicker bin in the bedroom. He'd gathered up all the balls of paper and sat cross legged on the bed, before taking one at random and opening it. He smoothed the paper between his fingers before beginning to read.

_Dear Tim _– he lives fifteen minutes away not in Utah.

Kate had obviously been trying to figure out the best way to talk him about the baby and these were her failed attempts.

_Tim, we need to talk. _– When do we not need to talk? It seems like there's always something coming up and that's so damn cryptic.

_Tim, I know things are a little awkward between us _– Awkward? He's dating Carrie for Christ's Sake… I wonder if Delko's warned him about that joke she made about the Rohypnol because I'm pretty sure she's the type of person to know where to get GHB. Hm… note to self watch what she puts in his coffee.

Tim was chuckling now, he loved the fact she wrote these letters the same way she thought, it made him feel like a piece of her was here again with him. He opened up and read each of the papers, piling them into a small stack alongside him on the bed. They were various anecdotes of her attempt at writing to him, none of them mentioned the fact she pregnant, he guessed she wanted to leave that for a face to face meeting.

He spied the note pad again resting on the bed side and picked it up, seeing the beginnings of yet another letter addressed to him.

_Tim,_

_We're having a baby. The doctor says I'm three months along and I know this isn't the right time. I said I didn't want to get married and have kids, at least for a little while, but if there's anything I do know, I do know I want this baby. I can't explain how it feels knowing that there's a little life inside of me and that we made it together. _

_But I'm really scared Tim, I don't think I could do this by myself. I'm not even sure I'd make a good mom. I need to know that you're going to be there. I understand if we can't be together, but I need to know that you want this baby, that you're going to be there for him or her. You don't even have to pay child support, I mean I can financially support the baby, but maybe you'd like to be involved in their life?_

_I'll be home all day tomorrow, flicking through some forensic journals and trying to figure out what on earth to tell Horatio. So if you want to talk about it, feel free to drop by. I want you to be as involved in this as you want to be._

_Love Kate._

He couldn't move, he couldn't feel and he certainly couldn't breathe. He was stunned, not by the fact she actually had managed to concoct a letter after so many failed attempts, but by the sheer openness she exploited. She'd bared her heart on these pages and it killed him. He had a piece of her in his hands; he had the one thing that he'd been craving ever since he'd found out about their child, and that was the truth of her thoughts on the matter.

He was rereading the letter now. His hand running over his stubble as he sat there, the paper vibrating in his hand as his eyes blurred, stinging like crazy from a thousand unshed tears. He heard the plop on the page as the first tear fell, marring the ink. There was a sickness deep in his stomach, a nagging clawing sensation that refused to pass. He held the paper in his hands, the tears flowing freely down his cheeks as he realised he was holding the last piece of Kate he would ever truly have.

She was dying, he knew that. He could feel it deep in his heart as he sat there on her bed amongst her things. Things that he would eventually have to pack up and give away. He couldn't stand the thought of that just yet. There were too many things he should have done and said over the past few weeks. He should have realized what was happening and he should have been there. He just wished that there had been a chance to. He'd lost their baby and now he was losing Kate as well.

* * *

The DNA Lab was almost quiet when Speedle stepped into it. In fact the whole Crime Lab seemed to be in a revered silence; it occurred to him that Kate had also played an integral part in their lives too. He'd returned to the lab a few hours earlier after a quick shower back at Kate's place and a fresh shirt had been obtained from his locker.

He could hear the whispers of Tyler and Carrie's argument floating towards him as he stood in the door way watching them bemused carrying the DNA sample Eric had swabbed from the airbag.

"She wouldn't have jumped! What don't you get? Kate wasn't like that!" Tyler exclaimed, his hands balled into fists at his side.

"I forgot you knew her so well." Carrie retorted. "Come on, on the day she finds out about me and Speed, she takes a nose dive off a fire escape, I think all the signs point to attempted suicide."

"Kate wouldn't do that, sure she was unhappy but she was getting better. I'm pretty sure Speed and her would have ended up together again regardless of you're..." Tyler mimicked quotation signs. "…relationship. I mean seriously Carrie do you think he'd have asked you out if you hadn't thrown yourself at him? You practically forced yourself on him."

"Our relationship is none of your business." Carrie spat.

Tyler crossed his arms over his chest, his gaze fixed on the younger women coldly.

"Your right your relationship is none of my business. But when your spreading shit about one of my friends that becomes my business, you should be thankful Delko hasn't heard what your saying yet or Calleigh because they would be in here tearing pieces out of your ass in a shot." Tyler snapped, shaking his head.

"For telling the truth? That their friend was so fucked in the head that she tried too commit suicide?!" Carrie exclaimed.

"Actually she was pushed." Speedle announced from beside the printer, his eyes taking in every single detail of the DNA test that Calleigh had run off Kate's skirt.

"Calleigh did a test on the railing, and then with a Kedavar doll to see how she would have fallen in different circumstances. The only way Kate could have landed that way is if there was extreme force exerted." Tim explained glancing up, the expression on his face was unreadable.

"Who would push her though? I mean no one hates Kate…" Tyler trailed off his gaze flickering to Carrie.

Carrie tilted her head at Tyler, her eyes widening as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I mean seriously do you think I am that vicious?" Carrie snarled, shaking her head.

Tyler shrugged.

"Sometimes you can be a little callous." He informed her with a snide smile.

"I am not callous." She turned to Speed, hands on her hips ignoring his troubled frown and the clenched jaw. "Do you think I'm callous?"

"Yea, sure you are…You checked this result?" Speed asked, his hand rubbing across his stubbly chin as he spoke.

"Twice." Carrie confirmed.

"You showed this to anyone yet?" Speed finally looked at her, as he waved the piece of paper in her direction.

"No you're the only one that's seen it." She told him, beginning to sense something was amiss.

Speedle slapped it down on the table before darting towards the door, his handsome features etched in an unfamiliar expression.

"Give it five minutes and then you can page Calleigh." He growled, pointing at Carrie as he slipped through the door way, striding down the corridor with a sense of purpose known only to himself.

* * *

Clavo Cruz was grinning, that familiar smirk twitching over his features as he was led down the corridor toward the reception area. Officers Jessop and Autumn Connors were on either side of the cuffed man.

It was six am, and Horatio had been ordered by Homeland Security to return the South American player back to his family home promptly along with an heartfelt apology, so the two uniforms were escorting Cruz to his ride out of here.

Autumn had already decided she hated him; she detested his arrogant attitude and lack of anything that would deem him almost human. More then anything though she was sickened because deep down inside her, she knew that Clavo Cruz had mown down Tess Kimble and shoved Kate Callahan off a balcony, and she knew because of their stupid free country that the bastard was going to get away with it.

There were footsteps in the corridor ahead of them, Autumn rose her head and nodded her head to acknowledge Speedle as he strode down the corridor. Speed didn't even acknowledge her presence; his eyes were fixed firmly on Clavo, who was staring straight back at the Detective, a lucid smile on his face.

"You got a problem dawg?" Clavo sneered as they came to a halt across from Speedle.

"You pushed her off that fire escape. You murdered our baby." Speed spat, his finger jabbing in the South American's chest.

"If she'd just let me fuck her instead of fighting me, she wouldn't have taken that nose dive dawg, and for the record, you should be thanking me. I just saved you a life time's worth of child support." Clavo returned, with a grin that told everyone of them standing there that he thought he was doing Speed a favour.

Speedle's hand was already clenched as he swung back his arm and drove his fist straight into Clavo's gut. The air rasped out of the other man's lungs as he doubled over, his knees buckling as he spluttered for oxygen. The only thing that was keeping him upright was the grip both Autumn and Jessop had on his arms.

Speedle's hand had already enclosed on Clavo's jaw, gripping it tightly as he yanked his chin up so that his dark, boiling gaze was boring straight into the other man.

"I know you can't breathe right now, which means you can't talk. You're going to listen to what I have to say, and know that I mean every word of it. If she dies I'll be coming back for you, I don't care where you are or whose protecting you. I will hunt you down and I will bury you."

The venom was there, not only in his words but in the direct punch to Clavo's already broken nose. Clavo slumped backwards, and Autumn found herself sagging under he weight of the South American as she tried to hold him upright. He was spitting and cursing in a mixture of English and another language she couldn't identify.

Speedle was walking away now, his back turned on them as he took long even strides down the corridor, never glancing over his shoulder as Clavo cursed after him.

* * *

Horatio's office always seemed bigger than it had when it was Megan's. Horatio was more organised and worked through each case methodically as opposed to Megan's scattered consciousness. The dark mahogany desk was always gleaming, and there was no sign of coffee cup or any evidence that food or anything but paper had ever touched its surfaces.

There was a small bonsai tree growing on the edge of the desk. One that he knew Calleigh had given to Horatio as a Christmas gift last year. The little tree was flourishing under Horatio's influence, like most things Horatio cultivated.

"Speedle are you even listening to me. You almost caused an international incident by punching out General Cruz's son. You how that could have affected us as a nation? There's a bigger picture here."

Speedle turned his attention to Stetler, glancing at the tall, lean man with very little interest before returning his gaze to the bonsai tree, his lips clamped shut.

Punching Clavo Cruz had barely satisfied the ferocious need for revenge that dwelled inside him. Nothing could drown out the fear that curled itself around his beating heart. He was far to gone to care about how he was going to be reprimanded. It wouldn't matter soon.

"See Horatio, this is why I don't agree with work place relationships. Callahan gets herself involved with Cruz and then…"

Stetler's words pierced his brain and before he knew it he was on his feet shouting.

"He threw her off a fire escape. He murdered two people and tried to murder a police officer and you're letting him get away with it. He's going to walk away because of scum like you." His palms slamming down on the desk as his furious gaze met Stetler's.

"Callahan was walking a very fine line; she was five minutes away form a nervous break down for Christ's Sake. Like most people who go UC she was used to taking risks, and she followed Cruz onto that fire escape intent on confronting him." Stetler retorted, his tone condescending.

"You have no right to talk about her as if you know her…" Tim snapped.

Horatio interrupted as Speedle wavered on the edge.

"The report hasn't been published yet Rick but the evidence is telling us that Cruz followed Kate, we believe his intention was to sexually assault her. They're fighting resulted in Kate being thrown off the balcony." Horatio paused before turning to Tim.

"Speed your taking the rest of the day off." He stated before turning his attention to Rick.

Speedle said nothing as he backed towards the door feeling Horatio's disappointment hanging in the air. There was compassion in the other man's eyes and understanding but Speed was still furious, that would never change as long as Clavo was walking around a free man.

"Now Horatio, Speedle's fate isn't your decision." Stetler injected.

Horatio angled his body towards Stetler, his hand on his hips frowning.

"As his superior I have a right to discipline an employee in the way I see fit."

"He hit a suspect with diplomatic immunity. That can not be taken lightly."

"Neither can the stress he is under at the current moment. Despite what you may think they keep their relationship behind closed doors and it has never once spread into the lab. He has had one trauma after another today; he is grieving for the loss of his child. I think even you can grant him time to grieve Rick."

"That is not an excuse…" Rick snorted.

Horatio leaned in close and Speedle found it amusing to watch as Stetler leaned backwards clearly intimated by the older red head.

"I didn't know that one of the requirements when you transferred to IAB was losing the ability to empathise." Horatio retorted.

"Don't test me Horatio, you do this properly or it'll be your ass on the line." Stetler scowled, jabbing his finger at Horatio before storming out of the room.

"Speed, I think its best of you go home, try and get some rest." Horatio stated, his back to Speed as he faced the window.

Tim hung his head, crossing his arms over his chest, pursing his lips together before speaking.

"I wanted him to admit what he did." He said quietly, before Horatio turned to face the younger man frowning. "You know what he told me? He said he'd saved me a lifetime's worth of child support. I'm sorry but I couldn't take it. I snapped. I don't understand why we do it H, why we use forensics when it can't catch a guy like Clavo. A guy we all know should be rotting in a cell."

"I don't have the answers you want Speed. I know it all feels hopeless right now, but it will get better. I promise you, it gets better. Think of all the other killers we've caught, Clavo Cruz will slip up and when he does we will be there, waiting."

Speed swallowed hard, shaking his head as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"That's not good enough. That doesn't help Kate while she's fighting for her life, that doesn't bring back my baby." He snapped, covering his eyes with his hand as he felt the tears beginning to sting.

"Speed…" Horatio's voice was full of remorse as he reached out and clasped his hand on the other man's shoulder.

"Go home." He said softly, his hand rubbing Speed's shoulder soothingly.

There was a deep hole of despair inside him and Horatio could feel it getting wider and darker by the second. Speed drew back breaking contact with his mentor before rushing from the room.

* * *

There were sounds, I could hear them rushing around inside my head. There was also darkness, everything was black, the only sense I could use was sound and the only feeling I had was pain. It was immense and coupled with the inability to move, and speak.

I was dead. That was the only answer right now. I'd died and instead of going to heaven I was stuck in purgatory. Sinister, painful purgatory.

You would have thought giving up six years of my life to take down the Mob would have at least had me knocking on Heaven's pearly white gates. It wasn't fair, it really wasn't. I'd become more mature, I'd started to lay my demons to rest. Granted I didn't really go to church but wasn't that a reason to ban me from Heaven.

"_Hey Katie, it's me."_

Ray.

Maybe Ray had made it to Heaven, maybe he was here to take me to Heaven, kinda like a guardian angel. I liked that thought, Ray as a guardian angel to atone for his sins.

"_Katie… I can only stay a few minutes ok? If they knew I was here…"_

Uh oh, where the hell was I then? I really hoped it wasn't hell. I really hoped Ray hadn't gone to hell either. He wasn't a bad person just…he chose the wrong path.

"_I need you to be strong Katie. You have to pull through this. I thought you were going to be ok, when I left."_

I am strong Ray; with Tim I can beat anything. That's why I died, there was no Tim to hold me back on the ground anymore, there was nothing left to live for.

"_I thought John was protecting you or at least looking out for you."_

John couldn't protect a paper bag, and he was currently residing in an AA rehab centre because he broke down Calleigh's door. So good choice Ray…

"_I've got to go now Katie, but I want you to survive this. When this is all over I want you to wake up."_

Wake up? That made absolutely no sense; this was too real to be a dream.

Silence suddenly flooded my senses and I realized that he was gone; he'd left me alone to rot here, wherever I was.

And then I was drowning.

* * *

Eric knew something was wrong, he could feel it in the base of his gut as he approached the locker room. Something awful was about to happen. He got this sometimes, a niggling sense that something was amiss. Not so much a sixth sense as something he had observed unconsciously and was unable to fit into his logic. In this case it was Speed.

There was something about the way the other man moved that alerted Eric to a situation. It was as if he was watching, waiting for something. His hand constantly straying to his gun, smoothing over the rippled surface of the grip before caressing the leather of the holster with his fingertips. Usually Speedle loathed his gun. He took it off as soon as they hit the lab because it made him feel uncomfortable.

Now he was wearing it as if it were his right arm, which was why Eric was now stalking him into the locker room. He knew Kate's fall had made him unpredictable, the other man was broken and Eric didn't envy him for the pain he was going through. The hurt was eating him up inside, and he hated it; he hated seeing his friend like that.

He knew that Speed hated not knowing. He liked facts and things he could work with. The doctors telling him that they were still working on Kate just made him more and more unstable. He needed something definite otherwise he would believe that he had nothing, that Kate would die.

Eric liked Kate, he had from the instant they met, she was funny, smart and she always had a way of making you feel good about yourself. Eric liked that, he liked even more what she did for Speed. Sure the first few months were bumpy, but after that he realized how much she made Speed smile. The other man was less uptight and more relaxed.

His life evolved and Eric was happy because he knew that Speed was content with his lot. He was settling down almost, Speed had confided that to him before Vegas, Eric had just never guessed he wanted to take it to the next level so soon.

He should have known…

He should have advised Speed that Kate wasn't ready, because when he looked at her he knew deep down that she was nowhere near ready to be a wife. But he'd been thrilled for his friend for finally feeling completed and he hadn't taken Kate's feelings into consideration.

So the fact that Kate was lying there in surgery felt like his fault, like he was in some way responsible. He knew that was stupid but he couldn't shake that feeling, nor the image of her shattered body in his head. Every time he closed his eyes he could see her there twisted and bleeding.

Kate wasn't here to take care of Speed, and he knew that Speed needed someone to make him tow the line otherwise there was he very genuine possibility that he may go off the deep end.

Eric knew that it was up to him, at any cost to stop that happening.

* * *

The gun was in his hand, it weighed heavily in his grip as he tested his resolve. He could do this. Shoot Clavo, shoot himself, it was all so simple now.

His career was already up in arms. Horatio had been forced to suspend him for his actions. His child, his family were gone. The agony of it all was killing him.

His eyes strayed to the locker three doors down, Kate's locker.

Before he knew it he was standing in front of it, twisting the combination he knew off by heart to open it. A birthday, his birthday.

The locker was open now, and he found himself staring into it transfixed. A blast of her perfume assaulted his senses as his hand clenched the cold metal tightly. He was grateful to the rush of pain that hit him because it meant he was feeling something, anything but the burning rage and simmering emotional wreckage that haunted his heart.

Things looked neat in there, two spare shirts folded on top of a pair of trousers, and sneakers resting in the very bottom. There was a hair brush resting on the top shelf next to a black hair clip he recognized. There was a paper back version of The Shining and Cosmo magazine, also slotted in there. Lemon shower gel and shampoo sample packs. These things made up Kate, reminded him of who she was, and what she liked.

Speedle reached into the pocket of his jeans, his slippery fingers grasping at the small silver chain links. He pulled out the bracelet gently, cradling it in the palm of his hand, a heart, a cross and an anchor linked through a simple chain.

Faith, Hope and Charity.

Calleigh had given him the bracelet back after she'd closed the case.

Attempted murder at the hands of Clavo Cruz she had told him, he knew they weren't able to touch him. Horatio had failed him and her in that respect.

The door to the locker room swung open and he jammed the bracelet back into his pocket, twisting his head towards Delko as he entered the room.

"Speed?"

The expression on Eric's face was one of utmost concern as his gaze flicked from Speedle to the gun, resting on the bench and then back again.

"I was just… Her things." he pointed at the locker helplessly.

"You don't have to explain." Delko told him as they both came to sit on the bench.

Speedle's hand strayed to his gun, his hand cupping it as his fingers traced over the chamber of the weapon.

"I know what your thinking man and it's not going to solve anything." Delko began, staring at the gun in his friends hand as Tim unlocked the clip checking it.

"You have no idea what it feels like, knowing that that bastards free while she's bleeding out in the OR. He killed our baby, she wanted that baby Eric, I would have wanted that baby. I would have had a family and a life that I never thought was open to me and he took it all away." Speedle spoke in low tones and Eric caught the dangerous glint in his eyes as he jammed the clip back into his gun.

"You're making this about you Speed, when it should be about Kate. She's in the OR fighting for her life and when she gets out she's going to be asking for you and what am I suppose to tell her? That you've gone to prison for killing the guy that pushed her? You should be there for her, waiting for her, hoping for her to get better not acting as if she's died." Eric confronted the other man.

Speedle bowed his head, his eyes fixed on the gun as he held it in both of his hands.

"I heard what the injuries were Eric, she's strong but her chances aren't in her favour. They don't even know about brain damage yet. He took everything from me and now we're letting him go. We have the evidence that proves everything he did was intentional but we can't even use it because our own justice system is working against us. I can't fight that but I can make it right." He tilted his head towards Delko, before staring at the gun again.

"I can't make you understand…I have all this anger, this rage pent up inside my chest and I keep seeing her, outside that ambulance and she looks lifeless. She looks dead and I can't live with the thought that that's my last memory of her. Not her laughing, or smiling or doing something clumsy or dumb. Just her, bleeding out while they stuff gauze into her body…"

He was choking, he could barely breathe. The grief was crushing him and all he could wish for was to have her back here sitting beside him as if nothing had happened. Yet it happened, he knew that. He felt it every time he tried to take a breath. Every thought he had was immediately plagued by that constant reminder that she wasn't there, she wasn't going to be around the next corner at all. He moved his hands to cover his face, rubbing at his eyes, trying to shield himself from he images in his head. But they were memories and the memories would haunt him for the rest of his life.

He felt the sudden shift of weight from his lap, and he knew that Delko had taken the gun. He wanted to believe she'd live, but it was hard, so damn hard when everything was stacked against her.

"You have to be the strong one Speed because she can't right now. What we saw and what happened to her, to the both of you was awful, but you need to get your shit together and be there, because she is going to need you." Eric hesitated as he set Speedle's gun on the opposite side of the bench, away from the other man. "None of this getting revenge shit. It's not important right now. All that matters is Kate and the fact she needs you to be here to come back to."

Speedle raised his head, meeting Eric's gaze, tears stinging in his eyes before the younger CSI looked away.

"I can't lose another friend today Speed." Eric admitted, sounding exhausted. "She'd be pissed if I let you do something stupid. Probably smack me over the head with a folder or something.

Despite the situation the two men found themselves smiling at the image.

"She threw an apple at me once, swears to God she didn't do it intentionally, but she was pissed because of some girl at a bar…Anyway the damn apple hit me smack in the forehead, nearly broke my nose." Speed submitted, clasping his hands together and studying his knotted fingers.

"You know me and Tyler caught her trying to scoot around in his chair yesterday but she got the angle wrong and ended up flat on her back. I'm telling you it was the funniest thing I've seen in a while." Eric recounted, smiling as he heard his friend chuckle along side him.

"That sounds like something she'd do. The best thing I ever saw was when she kneed herself in the face. I mean I would not have believed it possible if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. She's sitting in bed and goes to reach for her book that's lying on the floor and brings her knee up at the same time as she's coming back up, catches herself straight in the chin. I could not stop laughing and she's just sitting there looking completely and utterly surprised by the fact she's just done it, like she can't comprehend how she's managed to knee herself in the face." Tim was sniggering at the memory as he turned his head to face Eric.

"We should make a book of things like this and call them _Kateisms_. A little book of all the dumb little things she does." Eric said half serious.

"She does have a way of making life more interesting." Tim commented, before rubbing his hands along his tired features.

"How about we hit Starbucks and then we go to the hospital to check on her, see how she's doing?" Eric said lightly. "She should be coming put of surgery soon."

Speed nodded his agreement before rising to his feet, Eric following suit. He handed Speedle his gun, watching closely as the older man returned it to his locker.

"Thanks man, you know for making sure I didn't do anything stupid." Speedle started, looking awkward.

Eric shrugged as they moved towards the door.

"You still know she's gonna kick your ass for getting suspended right?" Eric reminded him as they moved towards the exit of the locker room.

"What I wouldn't give to hear her yell." Speed muttered before flicking off the light switch and following Eric out of the door.

* * *

Kate was beautiful in death, he decided. Only she wasn't really dead, apparently she was in a coma. But the waxy colour of her skin and the unhealthily blank features made him think that maybe she would be better off dead. That was until the doctor had explained that they had intentionally out her in a coma.

Her body was laid out on the hospital bed as if it were a funeral. She was immobile, her hands resting either side of her body, palms flat on the mattress. An I.V was injected into her right hand filling her veins full of the medication that kept her under.

He'd heard of medical comas before.

They kept a patient unconscious to give their body time to heal. The doctor had explained that there was too much trauma to work on all at once, and that her body was in a tremendous amount of pain as it tried to repair and heal itself. The medication that was feeding into her from the I.V was keeping her asleep so that she wouldn't have to endure the trauma of being crushed underneath something that the mind would struggle to comprehend.

There were machines all around her, beeping and breaking the silence with their steady hums. A breathing tube had been inserted into her mouth because her chest had practically been obliterated. There wasn't a chance in hell she'd be able to breathe on her own, at least not for a while. There were more surgeries scheduled within the next few days, to fix the broken and fractured bones in her face, arm and chest.

"She's going to miss Christmas." He heard himself saying.

Like that even mattered at the moment, he scolded himself.

The information was rushing through his head as he processed it, key words implicated in his thinking as he registered the conversation he'd had with the doctor.

No brain damage, despite the fact she'd coded twice in the OR. She had a nice strong heart, the doctor had told him.

Yes she did, he had agreed, and he meant it.

She'd be under for at least six weeks, maybe eight depending on her rate of healing. If she survived then she'd still be hospital bound having intensive rehab to get her chest muscles working again and her arm. She'd have to learn to walk again, sit up, the list was endless. Human beings depended on their chest for everything, for breathing, talking, and movement.

The doctor had also advised a shrink, closer to the time of course. There would be psychological damage left from the fall and during the course of her physiotherapy. It was the most frustrating time of a patient's treatment he explained. She wouldn't be going home for a long time.

It was going to be a long journey, Tim thought, but they'd walk it together.

* * *

_**This chapter has taken my will power to write people so I hope you enjoy it. It's hard writing things without Kate's perspective.**_

_**Thanks to BEG75 for listening to me bitch and for helping with my storylines and medical coma and injury info. You made this possible.**_

_**Also thanks to all you lurkers who added me. Review and you may get a special treat. Of course thanks to you reviewers. You keep me writing!**_

_Cheymon: lol did I satisfy you?_

_Blue: Not anymore, since well a fall like that… she's lucky it didn't kill her. The baby had no chance. Well Kate's got waking up and then rehab we'll have to see how that goes; I'm swimming in unchartered territory here._

_Lapland: I kept that chapter constantly surprising and to be honest it surprised me. She's trying to make things easier and I'm so glad she didn't beat up Speedle lol. I was trying to make it sound as if she was sick at first but in the end my judgement got the better of me. Lol This chapter should answer your dying q. He is scummy but be reassured Kate will get her revenge when he appears again. _

_History: lol she's not preg anymore which is sad, but you'll see what happens to them soon. Sorry this took so long; it's hard at the min with work and stuff._

_Speedle's sweetie: I'm glad you liked it. I had to show what Clavo was capable of, and his utter disregard for anyone. I hope you don't mind getting to see Speed's side of things for a while._

_BEG: lol you are important. Thanks for your input lately I couldn't have done it with out you. She's had it far to rough to just get over him. These two are soul mates lol. Love can make you strong or break you and I think the majority of people can relate to a broken heart. Alexx was spur of the movement as was Taylor. I thought if Speed's dating Carrie, why not have someone like Kate. Calleigh put him straight in the end though. I just thought the sulky thing was a real Speed moment. You helped with everything so thankies! Write it!! You know what I'm talking about!_

_Pip: I didn't mean to leave you handing so long! Sorry. I hope you liked this chapter! Lol she's not anymore lol._


	19. Chapter 19: A Not So Happy New Year

Chapter Nineteen: A Not So Happy New Year

_All I ever wanted was for you to know  
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul  
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah_

When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear

_To always get me through the day and make it ok  
I miss you_

_Avril Lavigne – When Your Gone_

It was Christmas Eve. The ward of Grace Memorial was lit up with multicoloured lights, and tinsel decorated each patient's area. Kate had been moved to a private room, but it hadn't stopped Calleigh practically redecorating the place to give her friend the Christmas she deserved, despite the fact she was unconscious. The small blond had even included a tiny Christmas tree for the all to put their gifts under; it was even decorated with red and gold baubles for that genuine Christmas feel.

Tim didn't feel festive, he hadn't felt festive for years now, Christmas had always been something to endure, a holiday he worked through to let everyone who had families get the vacation time they deserved.

He had hoped that this Christmas would be different. Kate loved Christmas in her own demure way. She loved the festivity, the gift wrapping, she liked writing out the Christmas cards, one by one to people they knew. Hence why he had booked this year off when they'd gotten back together. They'd had plans to eat with Alexx's family this year.

Instead it had been him scrawling their names on Christmas cards, him who shopped and wrapped (somewhat badly) all the gifts they were to give. He's even run out of cello-tape at one point and been forced to use packing tape, Kate would never have run out of cello-tape. Saying that Kate wouldn't have accidently taped a gift to her own hand either.

Speed was more of a gift voucher person, while Calleigh methodically hunted out gifts that suited people. He was the type of guy that panic bought every single gift voucher in sight on Christmas Eve which was how Horatio had ended up with a Mother Care voucher one year, which he thankfully swapped for the DIY store one he had given Alexx.

He paused, standing in front of the door to her private room listening to the deep Texan accent coming from the inside of the room.

Like all of their friends Frank Tripp had made all the effort he could to look after Kate when Speedle was busy, he'd adopted her as one of hi own children and wasted no time in telling people that when they popped into the room.

He always questioned any procedure that she mentioned in regards to Kate he wanted to know the ins, and outs and the affects it would have on sleeping "daughter". The nurses were patient with him, taking the time to explain things to Tripp with a kindness that was rarely exhibited from anyone else.

He took a deep breath before entering the room, his eyes coming to land on the stout Texan as he sat in the comfortable chair on the other side of the bed, a book on his lap as he read from it. Tripp raised his eyes to Speedle's, their gazes meeting in mutual greeting as Tripp finished the last line of the story.

"God Bless Us, Everyone!" and with that the older detective closed the book between his large hands, allowing his gaze to stray to Kate's pale face as Speed dropped into the chair on the opposite side.

"She loves that story, it's the only one of Dickens's she's ever read the whole way through. I'm glad it's not the Little Matchstick Girl, that one makes her cry." He said quietly as he settled own into the seat, his elbows resting on the arms of the chair.

"I read it to my kids every year." Tripp shared as he rose to his feet. "How's the house?"

Tim exhaled deeply. He'd been practically living in Kate's house since the decision to put hr into a medical coma had been made. Being around her things reminded him she was still here, her presence lingering. It was hard functioning without her he found, but her house made things easier.

"I'm keeping it cleaner than she does." He smiled lightly, watching as Tripp picked up something from the floor near his chair and attach it to the metal rungs that acted as a headboard for Kate's bed.

A red and green tartan stocking overflowing with gift wrapped treats.

Tripp glanced up, catching Speedle's surprised expression.

"Sheila thought she deserved a little something, all of our kids get one." Tripp informed the younger man as he stepped away from the bed.

"I kinda hoped she'd be better for Christmas." Tripp said gruffly, his eyes on Kate's immobile form.

Tim rubbed his eyes wearily before taking a deep breath.

"Yea so did I. It's her favourite time of year you know? She lights up and drives me crazy being all festive…" Speedle trailed off running his hand through his hair.

"Only two weeks left until they take her off the meds and she's awake again." Tripp reasoned.

Speed pursed his lips together before wrapping his arms around himself and nodding. A date had been set, and due to Kate's ability to heal quickly it was earlier than they had previously though. All they had to do was waiting, but it was long and tedious. The days went by slowly, measured only by shifts beginning and ending.

Tripp's hand enclosed on Speed's shoulder, jerking him out of his thoughtful state.

"I'll see you tomorrow Speedle, same time as usual, I'm bringing a gift or two along for her." Tripp told him before stepping towards the door.

"Have a great Christmas Speedle." The Texan called over his shoulder.

"Yea you too Frank." Speed returned as the other man shut the door behind him.

"So…" he addressed Kate as his thumb smoothed over her knuckles lightly. "I have wrapped all of the gifts we're giving this year, and well…they look awful." He confessed. "I can't wrap the way you do and then the parcel tape is brown and it looks ugly, but I don' think people will mind, at least I hope not, all their doing is opening them again." His fingers combed through her hair gently, it didn't feel the same as it used to.

Every morning when Calleigh arrived she always made sure to brush Kate's hair. He wasn't sure how she'd come to do this, but it was something he guessed made her feel active like she was helping her friend.

"I'll be here tomorrow babe, usual time and everything. I'm gonna be going to Alexx's for dinner and then I'm going to be coming straight back here to see you ok?" he whispered, his fingertips tracing over her cheekbone with the gentlest of touches.

The moment was interrupted by the sudden, insistent ringing of his cell phone. Tim snatched it up startled, sighing as he checked caller I.D and flipped it open.

"Speedle…" he pinched the bridge of his nose before turning away from Kate for a second before hanging up. "Sorry baby, I gotta go." He said sadly.

His lips brushed her forehead softly before he drew back and with a heavy heart and a final glance as he disappeared into the night.

* * *

Christmas Day had been a blur; he was surprised it had gone so quickly. Usually he dreaded the event but he found today as he sat in Kate's room, head tilted back in the chair, her hand in his, that he had enjoyed it.

Dinner at Alexx's had been wonderful. The meal was delicious and Calleigh and Horatio had been there so he was never completely uncomfortable with the situation. He'd been included in the conversation, his views and opinions listened to, his jokes laughed at. It had been nice to be included. Family atmospheres fazed hi at the best of times, but this one didn't… until Bryan handed him the card.

Alexx's son was ten years old, his sister Aimee was eight. Speedle had a mouth full of Christmas Pudding when the kid yanked on his sleeve so hard his fork rebounded off the plate, almost cracking it.

As it turned out Kate had spent a lot more time at Alexx's house than he thought she had. She'd even babysat for the kids a few times after their break up, and apparently had made a lasting impression on the tiny pair.

Alexx had explained to her children that Kate was very sick and it was impossible for her to come see them. Her and her husband Henry had also decided it would probably be best if the children didn't visit Kate, it would shock them to see her in that state. With all the tubes and wires coming out of her Speedle had to admit he heartily agreed with their decision.

Bryan, the older of the Woods children had all but thrust a large piece of card into his hand, showering Speedle with gold and green glitter as he did so. it wasn't until Bryan had explained that him and his sister had worked together making this for Aunt K, that Speedle realise what it really was he was holding between his fingers. A home made get well card.

He glanced at it now, perched on the little bedside table beside the small Christmas Tree and the huge amount of gifts underneath it. He hated to admit it but the card was cute as hell. The kids had drawn a stick picture of Kate using brown wavy lines emitting out of her head for hair. And used glitter pens to draw weird shaped balloons and to write "Get Well Soon Aunt K" on it.

Bryan had been in the midst of trying to persuade Speed to give Kate his Christmas Pudding when Alexx had interceded him explaining that Kate wouldn't be able to eat the pudding and that they would make her a new one for when she woke up. Although Calleigh who'd been seated next to him for the duration of the conversation had pondered the idea of them liquidising the pudding and somehow smuggling it into Kate's feeding tube.

From then forth a plan had been made, started with Calleigh and with Horatio's encouragement it had been decided that when Kate woke up they would have Christmas number two so that she didn't feel as if she'd missed anything. Which in turn slotted in well Speedle's gift to her. It would take more preplanning nearer the time due to Kate's recovery time; apparently she'd still be on the feeding tube up until a week after the meds had been stopped.

Throughout the day people had been coming and going out of Kate's room in order to give her gifts or just to wish her a Merry Christmas. Delko had dropped in before Christmas dinner at his parent's house, in order to deliver his parcel and into give her a rendition of his date the previous evening.

The story itself had Speedle almost in stitches and contained a rather drunk Delko wearing reindeer antlers and boxers, locked outside his date's apartment because as it turned out he'd been on a date with her room mate the previous week, and as usual, he never called. Drunken Delko's suggestions of a threesome to end the bickering had resulted in his predicament; Speedle couldn't help but think that maybe Delko deserved it.

Hagen had dropped in at one point to deliver a card and a large bunch of multicoloured flowers. He'd gotten out of rehab a few days before, and was spending Christmas with his father, he'd told Speed, before assuring the other man that he'd return in the evening to check in on Kate, depute the fact Speed had told him it wasn't needed.

Speedle rubbed Kate's small hand between his warm one's giving the illusion he was trying to warm her. The truth was she couldn't feel it even if she was cold, and he was pretty sure she couldn't hear it when any of them talked to her. The Doctors had informed him a Medical Coma was the closest you could get to death without actually dying. Yet he kept on trying just in case she did hear and feel while she under.

He was exhausted, mentally and physically. The strain of the fall and Kate's recuperation had been draining him slowly over the past month and his determination to stay positive was wearing him out. He was tired from lack of sleep and overworking, and it was catching up with him.

Alexx had been poking him lately and claiming that he was too thin for her liking. Horatio had been enforcing him to wake care of himself so Kate wouldn't scold him when she finally woke up.

There was a little doubt whether she was going to wake up, but he was worried about the condition that she would be in when she did, it was his burden to bear as well as hers and he was going to be dedicated to helping her every step of the way.

It was just the waiting that was getting to him the silence that welcomed him when he spoke to her was sad; it hurt not to hear her voice. He was worried as well, of what would happen when she did wake up. She'd have questions about the baby about Clavo, and the fact they'd caught his brother was a lousy consolation prize compared to what Clavo done to her.

The Doctors had already discussed the possibilities with him; there was chance of her suffering some brain damage. She'd coded twice in theatre and it had taken a long time for them to revive her, the doctor had informed him. Unfortunately they'd have to review that when she woke up.

Yet the doctors were hopeful, they'd already begun to discuss her physiotherapy with him. The two months intensive care just to get her to walk and stand up for long periods of time, and then the nursing home she would have to be moved to for three months to return her body to a somewhat normal state. She'd still be an outpatient after that, the Doctor had said; at least until they were sure she was well enough to return to work.

So that was five months at least before she came home. More before she could return to work. Each day would be tough, the doctor explained, the level of damage her body had suffered required that every muscle had to be exercised and stretched before they could release her and it was going to hurt like fuck.

Even with all those things ahead of them Speedle felt hopeful.

It could have been worse, he concluded, she could have died.

* * *

Alexx was hosting the New Years party this year, and she had taken it upon herself to invite everybody from the Crime Lab including techs and other staff. Her house was certainly big enough for it, and the kids were allowed to stay up until twelve thirty ad then that was their bed time.

The turn out had been quite surprising. Some people obviously had plan but others were glad to be there. Alexx's home was welcoming at the very least and he wasn't surprised to see a few faces he knew as well as a few he didn't.

Delko and Calleigh were here too. Calleigh mingling enthusiastically, looking interested as she spoke to people. Delko and him had stuck close to the bar all night, enjoying the festivities and the beverages while having a vantage point of the room. Delko was currently scoping out girls while Speed declared them either hot or not. They were both on their way to being drunk, which why such behaviour was being engaged in.

They'd already been assaulted by people asking about Kate, Delko was happy to reply for him and to be honest he found that a relief. Although neither of the two men could bring themselves to mention the intense physiotherapy she'd be undertaking or the strain the event had caused upon the team.

Twelve o'clock was nearing and Delko was now stalking the room for a candidate to share a midnight kiss with. Alexx was ushering people outside in order for them to watch the fireworks she had planned in the garden. Henry was apparently an expert with them, which made Speed feel a little more settled that they wouldn't be spending the first day of the New Year with a trip to the emergency room.

The night air was chilly despite the fact they were residing in Miami. He hugged his biker jacket tighter around himself as he found himself standing next to the one person he'd been struggling to avoid all evening. Carrie.

"You haven't called." She pouted turning to face him.

Speed locked his gaze on the fireworks dead ahead before replying.

"I've been busy at the hospital."

His arms were crossed over his chest as she stepped front of him. The count down was beginning and he was tempted to take a step back.

_Ten._

"You know she's going to be that way forever. There's no point of you wasting your life on someone who's going to grow old sleeping when there are plenty of people willing," she leaned in rubbing up against his body with a wink. "And able."

_Nine._

Speedle put his hands on either side of Carrie's arms and propelled her gently backwards away from him.

"She's going to wake up, she has eight days left and then their going to bring her off the meds, and she's going to open those beautiful green eyes." He responded.

_Eight._

"But she's broken; she won't even be able to sit up on her own. What use can she be to you?" Carrie reached out her hands settling on his waist, Speedle resisted the urge to shove her.

She was leaning in close now, the swell of her breasts against his chest, her lips inches from his.

"Come on Tim, you know I can make you happy, I will do anything you want." She told him licking her lips.

_Seven._

Speedle took another step back, trying to stifle the rage that was building up deep inside him. He was drunk and the majority of people already knew not to provoke him when sober, drunk well he didn't; have that much self control.

_Six._

"I didn't want anything from you. Don't talk about Kate as if you know her or the situation because you don't know a damn thing. Lose my number and do not ever speak to me because I swear to God I am this close to losing it with you Carrie." He jabbed his finger at her before shaking his head.

His head was pounding his, jaw clenched so tightly he as going to break teeth if he didn't relent.

_Five._

"Even if she does wake up and with medical comas it can be ominous. How do you expect to have a normal life and maintain a career when you're taking care of someone that has to wear diapers, sit in their piss and shit with the metal capability of a five year old?" Carrie spat as he turned his back.

_Four._

Speed didn't realize what the hell he was doing; all he could hear was the shouting ringing in his ears as his hands gripped Carrie's arms tightly before he started to shake her.

_Three._

"Kate is none of your business. Whether she gets better or not is my concern, not yours or anyone else's. And you know what? Even if she does have brain damage and I spend the rest of my days nursing her, I will do that because that's the kind of relationship we have. That's how much I love her." He snarled, seeing the fear in Carrie's face as his fingers dug into her arms hard enough to bruise.

_Two._

Delko was pushing him now, he was getting in between him and Carrie, Speed could hear his voice demanding his friend to let go, so in the end he did. Carrie was cursing and spitting at him. Tyler had her by the arm yanking her away, his face full of thunder when he looked at her. The exchange has been heard throughout the party, nobody blamed him for what he did. He had Eric and Tyler to thank for the fact he hadn't punched her.

_One._

He was lonely. It only occurred to him now as Eric held him, how lonely he was, how much he missed her. His eyes were burning and his heart was pounding and caching in his chest. He hated this. He hated the pain, and the frustration and the not knowing. But above everything he hated the fact that she wasn't here to welcome things to come with a lucky New Year's Kiss.

* * *

_**Hey peeps, be thankful for this chapter because it almost didn't get written. I wrote the first section only to log on the next morning and discover my pc had deleted it. I was lucky I have a good memory.**_

_**Anyway as usual special thanks to BEG for all her help with it esp with the Carrie line. (you'll see) And for the encouragement she gives me to write. X**_

_**Howdy to all you lurkers, it would be nice to see some love on your behalf and thanks to all my wonderful reviewers.**_

_Blue: chomps cookies. Glad you liked it._

_History: lol I bet I am. But you've got to look at the real issues, In reality people do not fall off buildings and make it out ok. There's a lot of work that goes into their recoveries if they recover. I like things realistic hence the way the story is. You'll see what happens next chapter._

_Delko's girl: I hope you like this. Thanks for your review._

_BEG: You got it right on the mark. He's trying to prepare himself in case she doesn't make it. It's hard writing core Speedle. Lol I sometimes write how I think. Lol I wanted H to kill Stetler with his bonsai tree. Tyler is one of my fav techs lol. He's cute and lovely. OMG if I could have put it in she would have stomped him. It was really hard writing that part with Ray because I had to make it seem like she was dead or make it believable for her. And we both know it's going to be a long road._

_Lap: lol I'm glad I had you sniffing; it was hard as hell to write. I love writing as Kate and I can't wait to get back to her. I am the same as you, never walk alone Clavo because I will shoot you. I hoped you liked this chapter because she did get out in her place._

_Daisy: I find it really hard to write him sometimes, I like writing Kate with a little Speed POV thrown in. I hope you like this chapter._

_Pip: Aw how come your weeks been shitty? Glad I brightened it though. Lol I hoped you liked this one is was weird to write it without Kate there._


	20. Chapter 20: Nothing Else Matters

Chapter Twenty: Nothing Else Matters

_So close, no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters_

_Metallica – Nothing Else Matters_

Metallica was serenading him as he sat at the desk, his fingers playing over the dials on the microscope as he peered through the lens. The song was an appropriate choice, today was the day. He checked his watch for the third time in five minutes. There was only ten left in his shift and he was dying to cut loose and leave as soon as possible in case the doctors started without him.

Something caught his eye and he rose his head to see Horatio lingering in the door way. The older man was leaning against the door frame his arms crossed over the front of his crisp navy coloured suit. There was a small smile on his wrinkled features, and Speedle found himself returning it as he removed his head phones and turned off his Discman.

"Today's the big day." Horatio beamed from his position.

Speed set his elbows on the desk and clasped his hands together, knotting his fingers. His eyebrows were furrowed and Horatio understood the younger man's worried expression. There were so many doubts, too many things the doctors couldn't predict. He could tell Speed was excited but he understood the nerves too. Kate may wake up different from the way they remembered and they had to be prepared for that.

"She'll be ok Speed." He assured the younger man.

Speedle rose to his feet and began to sort his evidence into piles to be secured.

"I know…You'll visit later?" his dark eyes met Horatio's questioning.

"Of course."

"How are we going to tell her…" he trailed off pursing his lips together and exhaled deeply as his thoughts strayed to the incident itself.

"One step at a time Speed. Let's just take it one step at a time."

* * *

There was light, it was blinding and I couldn't see. It was too bright, and it was stinging my eyes. Heaven, I was in Heaven, that was the only explanation. I had no idea how I'd gotten out of purgatory but that didn't matter now; all that mattered was that I was in Heaven. I'd been hanging in the balance so long that I was mortally surprised by the fact everything was so gleaming and bright.

There was a shadow, a blurred face in my vision; I could make out a patch of facial hair, a goatee maybe.

"God?" I croaked, my throat parched.

I didn't recognize my own voice; the word came out rasping, followed by a familiar, deep chuckle as I closed my eyes to shield them from the light.

That laugh pieced my ear drums, striking some cord in my memory before his name left my lips.

"Tim?"

I wasn't dead; I couldn't be dead because I knew Tim wasn't dead. Hospital… I could tell from the consistent beeping that was filtering through to my sluggish brain.

I tried to sit up and found myself crippled with fresh agony. The air rushed out of my lungs choking me and leaving me to gasp. The shriek that had left my mouth echoed through out my room as I struggled to breathe through the pain, I could feel heat rushing down my face and it took me a moment to realize that they were tears. A hand was on my shoulder, avoiding my chest as it guided my backwards gently until I was lying back again, panting and whimpering amidst the movement around me.

I was panicking, I'd never felt anything like this, my chest was on fire, I could feel my lungs heaving against the pain.

"She's going into shock." There was shouting around me as my heart pounded against my rib cage and it felt so heavy.

Oh God it ached.

A steady hand was on my forehead, smoothing the silky hair that had fallen across my face away from my features as I stared up at the ceiling trying to grit my teeth and focus on anything but the intense torture going on in my chest.

"I know it hurts but your ok, you need to breathe through it or your going to hurt yourself." His voice was soothing; I could feel the palm of his hand cupping my cheek lightly as I nodded.

His familiar scent flooded my senses, bringing back thoughts and memories that seemed like a life time ago. I tried to lay still and absorb it instead of fighting against the pain in my chest. His fingers were combing through my hair lightly.

"Your ok, I'm right here." he murmured as I started to take long deep breaths. "Your ok."

With Tim telling me that I was more inclined to believe it, despite the fact I was in a ridiculous amount of pain.

"My chest…" the words were slurred as my limp hand groped across the bed seeking out his.

"I know baby, I know." Tim's voice was soft and sweet.

It was good to hear after so long. I held his hand clasp mine, it was warm and welcoming.

"We're putting Demerol into the IV for now. It's a pain relief." A voice explained.

The voices were drifting now, in and out. I could hear them but they were quiet, as if they faded into the background. My eye lids were tired, my vision was twinged with black and I was so tired, every time I blinked felt like I'd sleep ten minutes at a time.

"Tim…" I garbled, I was slurring.

I hadn't even had that much to drink and everything was beginning to spin.

"I'm here Kate; I'm going to stay right here with you."

And that was the last thing I heard.

* * *

"How's she doing?" Tripp asked as he stepped into the room, his gaze lingered worrisomely on Kate as he moved around to the opposite side of the bed from where Speedle sat vigil.

Speed shook his head, his hand never releasing hers as he gave a half hearted shrug.

"She's sleeping again, just like she's been sleeping on and off for the past four days, she wakes up but she doesn't know where she is, who she is, or even who I am sometimes. The Doctors say it's a side effect of the pain medication she's on, she's just doped up. Their cutting it back gradually so she's a little more lucid sometimes. She was asking about you last time." Speedle told Tripp with a grim smile.

"You tell her about the treasure we found today and the whole Spanish Galleon thing?" Tripp asked, his hands on his hips as he reviewed Kate's unconscious state.

"I left out the part about the guy speared to the wall and the hook man. The last thing she needs is nightmares." Speedle reported before sighing.

"She hasn't even been well enough to open her presents yet." He said casting a glance at the stacked gifts on the bedside.

"She know anything yet…" Tripp lowered his tone, his eyes shifting to Kate before returning to Speed. "You know about everything."

Speedle shook his head.

"Any conversations we do have are about light hearted stuff and even then she's already drifting to sleep as I'm talking. I can't tell her about Clavo or the baby yet, she's too sick to understand what I'm saying." Speedle said in his normal voice.

Tripp tilted his head looking unimpressed as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Will ya keep your voice down, what if she can hear you in there?" Tripp growled, jerking his thumb at Kate.

"I don't think we're in any danger of that, while she's on this medication…"

"Hey there stranger." a small voice piped up from the bed.

Both men froze for a second before twisting their heads toward the bed, to see Kate sitting up, or rather propped up by her pillows, giving them a weak finger wave.

"What your not gonna give me a hug?" she said to Tripp, with a shy smile.

Tripp looked to Speed.

"Is that ok, I mean it won't hurt her?" Tripp asked, a little unsure.

"So long as your very careful." He responded, before stepping up next to Kate's bedside.

"You know you don't have to talk about me like I'm not here, considering I spend more of my time here than either of you two." Kate pointed out wearily as Tripp bent over and lightly squeezed her shoulders.

"We've missed you kid." Tripp informed her as he drew away, smiling as he looked her over.

She was awake and alert, no sign of any brain damage or problems caused by the lack of oxygen to her brain, as far as Tripp was concerned it was a god damn miracle.

"I've been told it's been almost two months," she mumbled, resting on the pillows behind her, her head tilted towards the older man as he sat down.

Speedle rose to his feet, grabbing their attention.

"I'm going to let you two have some time alone. I'm going to grab some coffee and get some air." He mentioned as he motioned towards the door.

"You didn't used to drink coffee." Kate remembered with a light smile.

Speed paused in the doorway; he'd only really started drinking it since she'd been in hospital. He hadn't wanted to waste a single moment with her. Just looking at her now he knew she'd come back to him, her face had lit up at the sight of Tripp, her cheeks were flushed from the warmth and that beautiful smile was back in place. She was alive and he was glad he was here seeing that.

"Don't be worried if she suddenly drops off. It's the medication." Speed told Tripp. "You want anything?" he asked Kate, already knowing what the answer will be.

She shook her head before turning to Tripp who was now grinning and attentive.

"They're still feeding me this weird gloopy stuff through a tube into my stomach, it's kinda cool but I miss being able to eat stuff." She said excitedly.

Tim sniggered, watching Tripp yank the covers back over her when she tried to show him.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty, your gonna give Tripp a heart attack if you show him your goods." Speed reminded her.

Kate's cheeks turned red as she bit her lip.

"I'm sorry Frank; I'm just a little… I'm happy to be alive." She said quietly, clutching the sheets in her dainty hands.

Tripp reached out and took one of her small hands in his.

"That's fine kiddo, we're happy too."

And with that Speedle took his cue to leave.

* * *

"I don't think I want to go back in there." Delko exclaimed, indicting with his thumb towards Kate's hospital room.

"Maybe she needs a few minutes to calm down." Speed reasoned.

"That jug of water almost hit me in the head." Delko persisted.

The two men were seated on the floor outside of Kate's bedroom while nurses were trying to calm an near hysterical Kate down after a month's worth of physiotherapy. Tim rubbed his hand over his head.

"She couldn't throw a full one at the moment, even if she tried." He sighed banging the back of his head lightly against the wall. "Calleigh's usually good with this kind of thing, like when she gets frustrated she usually talks her around."

"Sucks that she's stuck taking over my shift, we could really do with her right now." Delko muttered, resting his elbows on knees. "I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have to use a walker to even move a few steps to the bathroom and back."

"I should have warned you she gets like this sometimes after an intense session. She wants to do it all at once but your body needs time to recover from something like that, you can't rush it." Speedle said quietly, staring his knotted fingers.

"Is she like this a lot? I mean I'm pretty sure if she throws shit at you every day it constitutes as a form of spousal abuse." Eric mentioned humorously.

"It's more like once a week, the stress it builds up and when she doesn't talk about it, it just gets worse and then she erupts." He shrugged.

"Like a little Kate Volcano," Eric finished, rubbing the back of his head. "I'm just glad she doesn't have the strength to throw that walker."

"Is there a problem gentleman?" A voice asked from above them.

Both men looked up to see Horatio Caine staring down on them a frown etched onto his face.

"Kate's throwing a fit in there; I think the nurse's are going to have to sedate her." Tim said, rubbing his face with his hands.

"Have you tried calming her down?" Horatio asked quietly, toying with his sunglasses.

"I got a water jug thrown at me and he caught a yellow plastic cup to the chest." Eric explained. "Along with her screaming at us to get out because it wasn't working."

"I'll see what I can do." Horatio murmured stepping between his two employees and entering the room, almost stealthily.

"You think that he'll be able to pacify her?" Eric asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I hope so." Tim sighed, tipping his head back with his eyes clothes.

His elbows were resting on his knees, his shirt sleeves rolled up.

"How are you doing man? Everyone seems to forget how hard this is on you."

"I'm fine. I'm just tired right now."

From the tone of his voice Eric knew he meant emotionally as well as physically.

"You ever think of taking a break? Maybe a day off from this place." Eric pursed, studying his friend.

"I keep thinking I have to be strong for her because she can't do this by herself, no one can. We can't put her in therapy because of the whole UC thing, so the only person she gets to vent everything on is me, and I can deal with that most of the time. I can deal with the throwing things, the tantrums and anything else she needs to do. But at the same thing I can't help thinking it's not fair." He confessed, shaking his head.

"Why don't you go out of here for a little while man? It's going to take time for Kate to get sorted out; she still needs to shower after the session. So maybe it's best you grab a few hours to yourself." Eric suggested lightly.

Speedle hung his head.

"Can you tell her I'll be back? I'll only be a couple of hours; I just need to sort myself out." Speed muttered, climbing to his feet.

Delko followed suit, clasping his friend's shoulder.

"I'll be sure to tell her that." Eric promised, before releasing his friends shoulder and watching Speedle walk away, head bowed and hands in his pockets.

* * *

Speedle was apprehensive when two hours later he rapped on the door to Kate's private room. He'd returned home, showered, and flicked through a few forensic journals he'd been meaning to get through before returning to the hospital, feeling refreshed.

The door was ajar slightly; he pushed it open with his foot to see Kate sitting up in bed, a Mills and Boon book between her hands. She glanced at him before ducking her head back to the book looking ashamed. He couldn't tell whether it was because of her recent behaviour or because he'd caught her reading one of the raunchier titles.

"Hey." He said, stepping towards her bed and hovering by her side.

Kate set her book on her lap and gave him small smile.

"I'm sorry about before…" she started.

Speedle leaned forward silencing her with a tender kiss. His lips caressed hers as his hand ran through her hair. Her tongue was in his mouth, tasting and teasing. The two of them pulled away breathless, Kate's hand resting on his chest above his heart.

"You don't have to apologize." He murmured, as his lips travelled along her jaw line and to the nape of her neck.

"You know we're not going to be having sex in a very long time right?" she mumbled, her hands running up and down the front of his shirt as he drew back slightly.

"I know, but I'm allowed to kiss you every once in a while, because your beautiful, and smart, and even when your crazy, I still love you." He said between kisses.

"You don't stop that and we're going to be having very painful, awkward sex, with all the nurses watching, and I know your not a exhibitionist." Kate teased, pulling back and running a finger tip over his lips with a content expression on her face.

"I got you something." She murmured, kissing the edge of his mouth.

"Should I be getting you lube or something for when you decide to read all these naughty books?" he suggested, reading the cover for the first time and pulling a face.

"Ruthlessly Bedded By the Italian Millionaire." He read out loud. "I liked it better when you were reading forensic journals; I didn't feel like I was in competition with them."

Kate held up the book and sighed.

"These books are the only sex I'm going to be getting for at least another three months." She shuddered at the thought before returning it to the night stand, whilst retrieving something else and placing it in his hand.

Speedle gazed down at the item in his hand. It was an organic breakfast bar, filed with nutritious fruit and nuts. He frowned in confusion before raising his dark eyes to Kate.

"It's to say sorry." She said fiddling with the charms on her bracelet. "After you left and I calmed down, I felt awful, so I grabbed my walker and walked down to the gift shop and well your not a teddy sort of person so I got you that…I know it's lame."

Speedle stared at her stunned as she turned her head away from him, playing with her bracelet.

"You…you went all that way by yourself? To get me this. I mean it's really hard for you to get to the bathroom with the walker… You went to the gift shop for me?" he paused as she peered at him through her hair, looking apprehensive.

"This." He held up the breakfast bar. "Is the best gift ever. It shows your making progress and it's really thoughtful."

He sat down on the bed as gently as he could in order not to cause any sudden movements. His arm came to rest lightly around her shoulders. Kate shuffled closer to him, their hips touching, the back of her head resting on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I threw a cup at you." She said quietly, closing her eyes as she snuggled closer to him.

His lips brushed her forehead before he rested his cheek upon her hair.

"It's ok to get frustrated." He told her, as he leaned back against the pillow bringing his feet up onto the bed so that they were both lying down, her body resting on his because of her inability to move very well.

"But it's not your fault." She said in a child like voice.

He could tell she was tired from the way her breathing was becoming slower and deeper.

"It's not yours either." He reminded her, burying his nose in her hair inhaling her scent.

It took him a few minutes of waiting for a reply until he realized she'd actually fallen asleep. He debated moving, but decided it was probably best to stay were he was for fear of waking her.

The truth was this was the closest he'd been to her in a long time and he didn't have it in him to pull away from her again.

* * *

_**Sorry but I've been holding out on you peeps. I've had this chapter done since I put up the other one but was waiting on reviews. I'd still like to hear from people, but I'd love to thank my loyal reviewers too. Thankies to BEG esp for her help with this chap and listening to all my random ideas and q's. **_

_Blue: I would have just headbutted her, plain and simple. BEG helped with her fab line, we have a no holds barred policy. It makes us more frank and honest with each other. Thanks for the review._

_BEG: lol I thought out of everyone Calleigh would be the person to do that. Getting inside Speed's head was hard but I loved doing it. Also I could just see Kate being like that. Tripp is wonderful I love him lol. I think it's nice to see a less gruff side to him. I have no idea when Alexx's kids came In, they were something I threw in last minute. I so loved that line you came up with it gave me ideas to work from. SO thankies so much._

_Pip: poor you, I'm glad my chapter could cheer you up! I can't wait to see what you think of this chapter. Thanks for the review._

_Daisy: lol you got your wish, this isn't going to be easy for her tho. Thanks for the review._

_Sneaky: lol I agree on the Speed stories, and thank you for calling my story lovely, I work damn hard on it!_


	21. Chapter 21: Rehab

* * *

Chapter Twenty One: Rehab

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain is there is healing  
In your name I find meaning  
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on  
I'm barely holdin' on to you_

_LifeHouse - Broken_

Rehab sucked, I'd decided on day one of being shipped to the Nursing Home, aka Live In Rehabilitation Centre. I had my own room, with an en-suite bathroom, and generic shelving and wardrobe space. It reminded me of my first two years of college, and that wasn't a place I enjoyed being. The place was built like a dorm, the only difference being that someone came over regularly to drag my ass through hours of intensive, painful physiotherapy. I was coming into month two of being here and I already hated it.

And yet again Tim was giving me another pep talk and if there was anything I hated that the frustrating, long and antagonising physiotherapy sessions that were forced upon me twice daily, it was the sound of his voice cheering me on like he was my own personal cheerleader.

I was in sheer hell right now. The muscles in my chest were burning; it was hard to get my breath back. So I was wheezing in between his words. The blood was pumping through my veins at what felt like a million miles an hour. I could feel every single beat of my heart, because with each thud a new wave of agony and nausea was released as I hunched over from my sitting position on the double bed clutching my chest.

I couldn't hear his words anymore, but his voice it was nagging and it was penetrating deep into brain, like a sharp needle every time he opened his mouth.

"Shut up." I erupted.

Tim's eyes fell on me, his eyebrows rise as he studied me, his arms crossed over his chest.

"What?"

"Do me a favour and leave." I seethed through grinding teeth. "You're not my mother but you just keep yammering on at me. I want you to go home and stay there. No visits, no prep talks. Just go home and do your job." I snapped, clutching my ribs as the pain started to subside a little.

Tim's eyes narrowed, I caught sight of his jaw clenching as his nostrils flared.

"You know what? I have been trying to do the best I can to help you for over six months now. I sat by your bed while you were in a medical coma every single day. I'm trying to stay positive in order to stop you from falling into a depression, which is common with the intensive therapy you've suffered. You refuse to see a shrink, so I am doing my damn best to try and help you." He shook his head in disbelief. "It's been hard for me too Kate, I've been there for you and now your throwing it back in my face."

"I never asked you to do that! You should have just let me die; it would have been better than going through this hell day in and day out!" I snarled through shallow breathes.

Tim stared at me as if I'd slapped him.

His mouth set in a grim line as he stared at me, his eyes filled with fury. In seconds he was snatching up his coat and storming out of the door to my room, slamming the door behind him so hard I swear I heard the wood crack.

Despite the Rehab Facility's misgivings, I had to say the bed was comfortable and the medication was almost on demand, partially because I refused on a regular basis. Tim had informed me that was a damn stupid thing to do, I thought it built character. It didn't dull the pain as much as I would like and I was frightened of the addiction, because the truth was I didn't think I was getting better.

* * *

Somewhere in my thoughts I must have nodded off, that happened regularly after Physiotherapy, I usually followed it with a shower and no matter how hard I fought, a nap. The exertion always caught up with me whether I liked it or not. Another thing I hated, for over six months I'd felt weak and powerless and it was grating on me.

There was a shuffling in my room, a rustling that sounded like cotton on silk. My eyes flickered open, lingering on the chair by the window as I raised my head.

"Horatio? When did you get here?" I asked, moving awkwardly into a sitting up position and rubbing my eyes.

"I've only been here a few minutes." He mentioned as I pinched the bridge of my nose feeling the tension beginning to well up behind my eyes.

The tension headaches were more frequent now because of the constant amount of stress my body and mind were under. I groped for the meds on my bedside, unscrewing the cap as Horatio pushed a glass of water I'd left on the nightstand before my nap, towards me. I took it gratefully swallowing the tablets and the water in one gulp before raising my eyes to Horatio.

He was leaning forward now, his elbows resting on his knees, studying my composure.

"Speed told me you told him not to come anymore." Horatio stated.

I bowed my head and focused on the bracelet on my wrist, my fingers letting the little silver anchor scrape across the delicate skin.

"I did." I replied sullenly.

"Why?" Horatio asked gently.

I exhaled deeply before raising my eyes to meet his.

"Because it's not fair Horatio, he's been dealing with this situation, with me, for over six months now. It's taken up enough of his life. I think…" I sniffed forcing back the emotion welling up inside me as I persisted. "I think it's time for him to move with things, I mean no matter what he says this… it's a burden and it's not his burden. It's my burden."

"Kate that's not true…"

I held up my hand to silence him, tears stinging at my eyes.

"I'm nothing more than a broken cop; the truth is I am not getting better. Every time I try and try, and I push myself so far that Doctor Nazi, has to actually force me to stop. My chest hurts all the time, even when I'm not doing therapy." I rubbed my face with my hands, my voice getting louder. "Nothing is working for me I'm still weak, I'm pathetic. It hurts to stand for long than five minutes. I used to go the gym and go running and now I can barely walk to the canteen and back because my muscles won't let me do it. It feels like my bodies rebelling against me." I confessed, wrapping my arms around myself, rocking slowly.

"Kate." Horatio paused, gently touching my knee to get my attention. "What happened to you was terrible. Things… they don't mend themselves straight away, and it is going to take a while but it will be worth it in the end to be able to do all those things that you used to do."

Horatio stood up and lowered himself onto the bed bedside me as I wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

"Look at all the progress you've made already. Six months ago you were hooked up to a ventilator that was breathing for you. You were unconscious and we didn't know whether you were going to live or die, Four months ago, you could barely sit up and now look at you. You walking, talking and above all you're laughing. Every breath you take, your doing on your own and I know I am glad for that, and I know that Tim is too, we all are." Horatio explained quietly.

"I just feel so frustrated with myself and everything. It's so slow I feel like I'm never gonna be able to go home, and I miss it. I miss my own bed and my couch and my TV… I miss my kitchen." I wailed. "I want to be back at work, chasing down bad guys but I'm stuck in here with Hitler for a physiotherapist and my very own dark haired cheerleader, filled with preppy advice for every occasion. I swear if I hear one more false cheerful note out of him I will find away to murder him even with my inability to do anything more than lift a mug at the moment."

Horatio wrapped an arm around my shoulders, guiding me towards his chest. My head came to rest on his shoulder as I sniffed, rubbing my eyes wearily.

"I just feel so tired of everything." I confessed, taking deep breathes.

"How about…I make you a deal?" Horatio offered, peering down at me.

I frowned, drawing away and looking at him with curiosity.

"When you get out of here…" he stated firmly. "Which will be soon. You get me a doctor's note telling me you're an out patent, I will clear you for lab work."

I opened my mouth excitedly but he raised a finger to silence me.

"But there are conditions. You have to work around your treatment, if I find out that you're skipping treatment to come to work, this deal will be terminated right away. Also no lifting, of any kind. If it's heavy you get someone else to do it for you, I don't want you putting all this hard work in just to end up back here again because you strained yourself."

"You'll let me use the Mass Spec?" I asked eagerly, practically jumping up and down.

Horatio tilted his head towards me.

"That's not my domain you know that." He reminded me with an encouraging smile. "So does that sound good?"

"I would like that." I told him, feeling the hope beginning to well in my chest.

"Can I tell Speed that he's welcome to come back here now?" Horatio questioned.

"Will he want to? It's probably for the best if he doesn't." I uttered resigned.

"I'm practically an invalid at this point and he's seen some pretty demeaning stuff in regards to me, I feel embarrassed all the time. I mean no one should have to help another person in the bathroom, they just shouldn't have to." I growled venomously.

"I think Speed's already made that decision for himself, he comes here every day. He's committed to you. He loves you Kate and I think he's just thankful that you're alive. He's only ever wanted the best for you." Horatio informed me.

"But what's best for him I mean is this really fair…"

Horatio cut me off.

"What's going on Kate?"

"I just don't think…"

"Kate." He said sternly.

I looked down at my hands, knotting my fingers again before exhaling deeply.

"I'm just scared" I admitted quietly.

"I'm scared I'm going to lean on him and this is going to become too much for him and he's going to go away and I don't want him to go away. I'm not used to having to rely on people for things. Now I'm in a position where I'm practically forced too. I like dealing with things by myself, but this is too big to do that. I just don't like…" I corrected myself. "It's more like I'm not used trusting people,"

I glanced at Horatio. "Even you."

"I'm here Kate, I'm here for you. Whatever you need I will be here. I know Speed will be too. He's put his life on hold so he can help you and that's not something he takes lightly." Horatio reassured me, his hand rubbing my shoulder in a soothing motion.

I nodded my response, letting out a deep sigh.

"The scar looks terrible you know?" I began voicing another concern of mine. "It's from the bra line all the way down to my belly button from where they had to spread my ribs."

"Scars are to be revered, not feared Kate." He reassured me, clasping his hands together in thought.

The moment was interrupted by the sudden rap on the door, followed by it opening a crack and the nurse poking his head through it to peer at me.

"Kate, it's time for your second course of therapy." He stated, with a small smile.

I turned my head to Horatio, rolling my eyes.

"No rest for the wicked." I muttered, climbing to my feet at the same time as he did.

"I'll come back tomorrow." Horatio said, answering the question I had yet to ask.

I nodded before making my way slowly towards the bedroom door.

"Horatio." I spoke quietly glancing over my shoulder and meeting his sapphire coloured eyes. "Thank you."

* * *

His lips were on mine, tender and hot, his tongue dipping into my mouth as his rough palm caressed my cheek, my body arched towards his as his other hand slid down my lower back, finger tips tracing the along curve. All my nerve endings were in an ecstasy filled frenzy, as he touched and teased my skin.

His tongue was tracing skilled circles on my sensitive throat as his hands began to raise the hem of my shirt towards my breasts.

I jerked suddenly, my whole body going tense underneath his touch. Tim stopped immediately at my reaction, drawing away so he could see my face.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked quietly, studying the tears glistening in my eyes before pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth.

I shook my head sniffing as I swallowed hard, yanking down the bottom of my shirt to cover the ugly looking scar. The emotions were welling up now deep inside my chest and spilling over until they became overwhelming. I turned my head away so he couldn't see the tears streaking down my face.

"Kate…" he said it affectionately, a term of endearment.

His arms moved around my holding me close to his body as if I was delicate. I buried my face in his shoulder as my chest began to ache and burn under the sobs that were causing it to heave. I was clutching his shirt in balled up fists, as the tears leaked onto it.

His voice was in my ear, warm and soothing as he whispered words I couldn't hear over my own crying. His influence was calming, and with him I felt safe, safer than I had in years, it didn't stop the humiliation though as it coursed through me, nor the shame when he'd started to lift that shirt.

"I'm sorry." I murmured, my body wrought with tension. "I though it would be different this time."

I turned my body away from him, bundling some of the sheets under my arm and cradling them to my chest. His body was positioned behind me, his fingers combing through my hair.

"It's just too soon. You're trying to get better too quickly. We're rushing things. We just need to take it easy and slow down…"

I hated his ability to rationalise things. I hated feeling ashamed and trying to hide the part of my body I despised being exposed, all that shame gave way to a misplaced sense of anger and it was easier to react to that than to admit the humiliation I felt on a regular basis.

"Do you want me to finish you off?" I asked abruptly, rolling flat on my back.

Tim frowned, the expression on his face incredulous. I felt awful for stringing him along each and every time, getting him so far and then stopping again. I was a tease, we both knew it. It was only fair he'd get something from this exchange.

"No…" he replied studying my face.

My lips were suddenly on his, my tongue slipping into his mouth as my hand snaked towards his crotch, caressing him through the denim.

He was still semi erect from our previous ministrations.

Tim tried to pull away unsuccessfully as my hands were undoing his belt buckle. I licked up the side of his throat, hearing him groan as my hand lunged into his jeans stroking him through his boxers.

"Kate stop." He said firmly, his hands on my shoulders pushing me away from him.

My mouth was heatedly kissing up towards his ear, until I nipped at it and whispered.

"Why do you want me to use my mouth?" His body tightened as my fingers teased the tip of his cock.

"You don't really want me to stop…" I taunted as my hand cupped his impressive length and began to move slowly up and down it.

"Please Kate…" there was a pleading tone to his voice; I couldn't tell what it meant.

His hand moved between us his fingers encircling my wrist and gripping it tightly in order to remove my hand without causing him any pain. He yanked it from his trousers before meeting my enraged expression full on.

"Stop it." He said calmly.

I tried to tear my arm out of his grasp but Tim held onto it with enough pressure to restrain me so I didn't abuse him again. I growled in irritation, jerking my wrist from side to side trying to break free.

"I get it, you're frustrated, and you're angry as hell but I am not letting you, let me take advantage of you. We're doing this together when we both want to or not at all." He told me, his expression softening as my body slumped in resignation.

"I just want it all to be normal again." I whispered, closing my eyes and scrunching them tightly.

If this was the Wizard of Oz I'd be throwing on some ruby slippers and clicking my heels, as it were reality was never as easy as that.

He released my wrist with a deep sigh. I was a constant strain on him, we both knew that, but it didn't stop him gathering me up into his arms like a small child.

"I promise one day it will be."

* * *

_**Howdy! The FK chapters are flowing out of me these days. I'll warn you though I am working this week and I have stuff on for Halloween so it may be little while until you get a new chapter. Also these chapters are realistic. There isn't a chance in hell that Kate was simply going to getup and walk away from it that easy. So bare with me people.**_

_**Special thankies to BEG for listening to me whining at her, and of course for answering my q's and reading through it all for me. You're a fab friend and an amazing writer!**_

_**Also thanks to the reviewers and people who stuck with me. Lurkers feel free to review, show me some love people.**_

_Pip: lol I'm holding out one more chapter and then that's it, but I'll try and write as much as I can in my spare time. She's awake and frustrated lol. It's really hard to wrote her recovery but it needs to be done. So I'm glad that you think it's good. I have to admit I am relieved she woke up tho. I love writing her._

_Blue: She's got a long way to go yet. So hopefully she'll be getting better tho. I'm glad she's awake too. Thanks for the review._

_Delko: lol I am surprised about how well they pair lol. They just gel, really well together. She gives Speed a little more to himself, and she relies on him a lot more than she admits. Thanks for the review._

_Sneakypie: lol I'm glad you love them as a couple; they are so easy to write even with al the angst at the beginning. She has a lot more secrets as he finds out soon, but then again he has a thing or two as well. Your right tho he's softer with her._

_BEG: I'm glad we cleared up the weird ending, I was like I'm sure my MOB reviews a longer than that. You help out loads!!! I always believe in the series that Horatio has that kind of soothing effect in him and plays that kinda role. I would be nervous as hell, with everything that could go wrong. Lol It's just an irrational thing but it's so Kate. Kate is just like that with the gown, she just didn't think and I love Tripp and his reaction to things. Kate's like his daughter. Lol if you're a good girl I'll buy you some. I thought it would be a nice gesture._

_Lap:lol I just don't want the Rehab bits to be boring, and it to be realistic. This was never gonna be anything she just walked away from. She's cranky as fuck. Thanks for the review._


	22. Chapter 22: Too Much, Too Soon

Chapter Twenty Two: Too Much Too Soon

_Not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly you won't give up on me  
And I shall believe_

_Sheryl Crow – I Shall Believe_

Being at home was like a breath of fresh air. The familiar surroundings were a comfort, everything I needed and wanted was in reach, and for the first time in a long time I felt a distinguished sense of pride over the fact I could simply get it myself.

I'd been home for over a month now, I was still visiting the out patient rehab faculty at least twice a week. My schedule was full of Aerobics, water therapy and gruelling courses on the treadmill, saying that I felt like I was getting better. It didn't hurt to laugh anymore, walking wasn't a chore and I could lift small weights, and cereal boxes. Cereal boxes were the one thing that Tim let me lift, even hardback books he regarded with suspicion, mentally tallying up the damage they could do if one was just that little bit too heavy.

I couldn't drive yet, and I hadn't gone back to work.

After leaving the Rehab Faculty that doubled as a nursing home, the muscles in my chest had become infected that had rendered me practically lethargic for five days, Tim had rushed me to hospital after hearing me cough up mucus in the bathroom before his shift. My chest had been in severe pain from the heaving of my lungs and they'd been forced to give me pure oxygen to help me breathe. I had been on the strongest course of antibiotics they could give someone like me, and in turn those had made me sick too. After an over night stay I was back at home and sleeping away the four days in bed because the pain in my chest was so great and the nausea constant.

It was almost two weeks before I was actually well again but I was told to watch out for infections in the future, my chest and lungs were weak so were prone to problems.

The best part of being sick and at home was the fact I got to curl up on my own sofa, underneath a blanket and watch any show I wanted, I had an extensive cable package and made full use of it. The couch was so comfortable it was practically becoming my bed. After the intense physiotherapy sessions, I would come home and shower before curling up on the couch with a book or with a movie. I'd woken up many a time to Tim stroking my hair with his hand as he flicked through to the Discovery channel.

Aerobics had been better today; it was easier to breathe through the pain now, more than it ever had been. Autumn had come along to keep me company and it was nice to know that I was not the only one struggling, she'd dropped me off after the class with a kiss on the cheek and a wave, making sure I got into the house ok before she drove away.

If Tim couldn't pick me up he always made sure I had a designated driver on standby. Mostly Calleigh or Eric but sometimes it was Tripp. When it was Tripp he usually took me out for a snack or a coffee to lighten up my day. It was nice to talk to the father figure in my life and he kept me entertained with stories and witticisms from the cases he was pulling at the moment. It made me feel like part of the team, I liked the inclusion despite the fact I was out of the field and would be for a long time.

On Wednesdays when Tim had the late shift Calleigh would come over and cook dinner, she whipped up the most wonderful Southern dishes I had ever tasted, and would sleep in the spare room once I was settled.

Even though I was being babysat I relished the company, it was enjoyable to have people around me. It made me feel loved and wanted.

Despite the fact I was getting better there were still some habits and issues that lingered. One's that I wasn't sure I would ever shake. I couldn't get changed in the same room as Tim like I had before the fall. I was petrified of that scar, and spent hours looking at it in the bathroom mirror. It was ugly and awful. Although it repulsed me I knew I'd have to learn to live with it someday, it was just trying that was the hardest part.

We hadn't been together in over seven months now, since before the fall. In the beginning it was because I was too sick to. It had never crossed our minds but now, it was like the elephant in the room standing between us. We had tried but the scar, whenever his hand touched it or my shirt rose up, I froze. I just couldn't let him see it, because I knew it would disgust him as much as it revolted me.

I always slept on my back now too, and I know that annoys Tim to no end but there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I'd gotten into the habit because it hurt my chest to sleep any other way but now, my chest wasn't in pain at all until I strained it and I still couldn't shake that.

The memories of all that agony were too raw for me. It seemed stupid to think I was taking a risk if I didn't sleep on my back but that's what it felt like. Psychologically it panicked me if I rolled onto my side, or even my stomach. Tim had taken to letting his arm slope across my lower body now, his hand resting on my thigh, his face buried into the curve of my neck instead of the way we used to sleep together. His arm never went higher than my stomach; he didn't want to put the extra weight on my chest.

If I'm honest I missed the sex, I missed the closeness and the completion it brought with Tim. We were close now; we knew things about each other we'd never known before, seen sides that we hadn't known existed but it was something else to experience that physically. Tim had stopped trying after the first few times when I'd freaked out or become uncomfortable, it wasn't the rejection that fazed him but the emotional effect getting close to me had.

My freak-out's were like tantrums, I wanted to give him everything he wanted, that I wanted too but I couldn't. There were too many factors that rushed through my brain, and I could never completely relax.

The jingling in the lock alerted me to the use of Tim's key. We were practically living together these days. That hadn't been the original plan. When I got out of the rehab centre, Tim was supposed to move back to his place in order to give me a little space and freedom. We'd been living in each others pockets over the past seven months so it was time for a break.

Only when I'd caught the chest infection, I'd been so sick I could barely pull myself out of the bathroom let alone grab the phone. That in turn had made us both paranoid about leaving me alone for long periods of time. It was easier for him to live here and take care of me at the moment than it was to be apart, and I have to admit I liked the company, especially at night.

There were nightmares now, new ones, they were worse than before, more frightening. In them I could hear Clavo laughing, and then the crunch when I hit the ground. Sometimes they were worse than that. Sometimes I could hear a baby crying in the background; it was those ones that really tore me up.

We'd talked about the baby when I'd gotten better. He'd found my letters, he said they'd given him hope for us in a time where all he could see was darkness. It was the most profound thing to ever exit his mouth. It had hurt knowing that our child had never had a chance, but at the same time it opened a new option to us. The possibility of children, of one day the two of us having a family of our own. I was a strange sensation for me but I knew in the bottom of my heart that this was God preparing me for something, who knew what. It had certainly changed my views, my attitude towards life.

The door opened into the living room, and Tim appeared, hiding a yawn behind the back of his hand. I tilted my head towards him, taking in his trim figure in those smart jeans and the muscle hugging wine coloured shirt. I had to say next to the white one this shirt was my favourite. A hot flush resonated through my body giving way to an urge I badly needed to fix.

He ran a hand through his dark curls; he'd gotten his hair cut a little after I'd gotten home because his hair had started to get unruly. He rubbed a hand across his stubble, it was threatening to grow into a full fledged beard and although I loved the stubble, a beard made Tim look like a cave man. So I'd bought him a new razor and carefully placed it somewhere within his eyelevel in the bathroom, hoping that one morning he may get the incentive to use it.

"You checking me out?" he teased, leaning over the arm of the couch and placing a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Hm, maybe." I replied, my body arching towards him on its own accord.

I felt him place something in my lap before I hoped my eyes as he drew away.

"Calleigh told me to give you that." He explained, straightening up and moving towards the kitchen. "You want anything, tea? You eaten?"

I looked down and saw a cream envelope resting on my knees, my name embossed on the front. It looked expensive.

"No I'm good." I called to him, flipping over the envelope and using my finger to break the seal.

"I'm thinking about ordering pizza later. You, me, the blanket and whatever movies on pay per view." Tim said lingering in the archway, chewing at a muesli bar.

"I hope your talking about Sky Movies and not the Red Hot Channel." I retorted, sliding the white card out of the envelope.

"It anything good?" he questioned between mouthfuls of fruit and muesli.

"It's an invitation to a Charity Ball; all proceeds go to the Burns Unit of Grace Memorial. It's being held by the parents of one of the people who died in the fire at Club Descent. I remember seeing her name outside the club when people were putting all the wreaths down." I recalled.

Tim shrugged.

"It's a good cause; the Burn Unit needs more funding, along with the rest of the hospital." He stated, returning to the kitchen to put his muesli bar wrapper in the trash.

"It is." I agreed, fluttering my eyelashes as he stepped back into the room.

He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Come on Kate. You know me I'm not the kind of guy who wears a tux. I don't look good in one and their all tight around the neck. It makes me feel like I'm on parade or something, and I don't play nice with rich people." He told me, biting his lip.

I said nothing; instead I looked up at him with wide, glistening eyes, throwing in a little sniffling for effect as I pulled my sad face.

"No don't do that, it's an evil face. It's not fair to use that face." He said pointing at me.

I pulled the blanket up from my knees and pulled it up to my chin, turning on the puppy dog eyes to their full extent.

"Please Tim…I really wanna go. It'll be the first time we've really been out since I got out of hospital." I pleaded.

"Hey, I take you on dates…" he reminded me.

"I know but this…" I held up the invite with one hand. "Is like a party, and I haven't been to a party in so long, I just thought because I missed New Year that we could go to this instead, it'll be like New Year all over again. Just in July."

Tim frowned at my reasoning, his forehead scrunching above his eyes. I knew I was getting to him.

"And it's a good cause, they've taken the time to make sure we were personally invited, see it's got your name on it too." I held it up to show him.

Speed squinted at it, narrowing his eyes as he took it in before letting out a sigh and fixing me with his intense dark gaze.

"You really wanna go?" he questioned.

I nodded vigorously.

"It'll be fun; I'll get to wear a pretty dress. I'll actually have a reason to wear make up." I said to myself thoughtfully.

"Well I better tell Calleigh that you're up for that shopping trip she's been chattering about." He remarked, unclipping his cell phone from his belt as he sat down beside me.

"Oh my God, you knew and you made me beg?! You are mean!" I said hitting him with a cushion from the couch.

Tim raised his arms to defend himself, snatching the cushion from my hands and chucking it on the floor.

"I'm not wearing a tuxedo though; I have a suit upstairs I bought in case…" he trailed off.

"That's ok, you look better in a black suit, hm… a white shirt too." I reached out, fixing his collar as he leaned over me.

I was lying on my back now underneath him. He was posed over me on his elbows trying to keep his weight off my upper body as I lay underneath him. Our faces were inches apart; I laced my fingers on the back of his neck, enjoying the ability to simply stare into his eyes.

"How was rehab today?" he asked kissing my nose and then my chin before straying up to my forehead.

"It was easier…" I informed him, laughing as he rubbed noses with me. "Less pain, more like being at the gym as opposed to fixing my chest."

"Horatio was asking about you." Tim notified me. "He wanted to now how you were feeling after the chest infection and whether you were ready to come back to work yet?"

"I will call him later with an update on the situation." I informed Tim, closing my eyes, and enjoying the sensation of just being here with him.

"You are going to sleep." He tapped my nose lightly with his.

"Hm." I mumbled, nuzzling at his neck. "Will you wake me up when you're ordering pizza?"

"Of course," he kissed the corner of my mouth. "I will even let you choose the movie tonight."

"No more March of The Penguins. I'm starting to see them in my sleep." I muttered, my hands wrapping around his waist and staying there.

"You know if I fall asleep right now my weight will probably kill you." Tim mentioned casually.

"You make it sound like a bad thing." I retorted drowsily.

There was silence between us for a few minutes before I felt his weight shift as he removed himself from the sofa. I sighed, letting my head turn towards him, eyes flickering open.

"You worry too much." I told him as he draped the blanket over me.

He crouched down besides me his lips brushing my forehead.

"You don't worry enough."

* * *

"You're going to make us late." I called into the bathroom, as I clipped on my earrings in the full length mirror in my room.

Tim stepped out of the en-suite, his hands still fiddling with the noose he'd created, his expression shifting from immense annoyance to something softer when his eyes landed on me.

"What? Does it look ok?" I asked worrisomely, turning on the spot so he could examine every angle.

The dress I was wearing was a floor length, black, satin affair. The thick black straps curved over my collarbone from the edges of the dress and fixed firmly around the back of my neck. The dress was backless, it hugged my feminine curves and dipped between my breasts, the dress covered my scar, and that's what I was glad for. The scar on my back was barely visible against the creamy colour of my skin.

My ebony hair was teased into loose curls and had been pinned up into a loose half up, half down style, tumbling down past my shoulders.

"You look…" Tim swallowed hard, looking me up and down. "You look stunning."

His cheeks flushed red as he cleared his throat and gazed down at his tie once again. I watched him bemused.

"Do I have to wear a tie? I mean I seriously hate these things, their restricting and there's something very wrong about tying a noose around your own neck. If I could get rid of one useless invention it would be ties…" he mumbled twisting the tie around his throat and snarling at it.

"Fine don't wear a tie." I shrugged, one hand on my hip. "Just undo a button or two."

He threw the tie down on the bed and did as he was told, looking at me expectantly.

"Maybe another and now another…" he glanced up at me, looking shocked.

"Are you trying to undress me?!" he asked in mock indignation.

I pursed my lips together and gave him my most innocent expression.

"You are a wicked woman." he said picking up his watch and fastening it to his wrist.

I picked up my small clutch handbag before meeting his gaze and winking.

"You wouldn't have me any other way."

* * *

The location of the ball was in Coral Gables, the expensive part of town. We caught a cab there so we could both drink. The ball room was part of a huge social club. When we'd stepped in I'd been amazed by the beauty and splendour of the place, there was a huge crystal chandelier over handing above us on the ceiling, it reminded me of the one from Phantom of the Opera.

The tables were decorated with burgundy, gold and white, the colours were ideal together and matched the balloons and decorations littered around the room. There were people already on the dance floor, swaying to the string quartet besides the DJ Decks. Obviously someone had decided to provide an array of music.

Tim's hand found mine, and our fingers entwined. I could tell he felt uncomfortable just from the way his eyes darted around the room searching for people we knew. I was anxious, this was my first real outing since my accident, and this was the first time people from work would see how far I'd come since the coma.

Calleigh was already on her feet and waving us over to a large table near the dance floor. She'd secured seats for the Crime Lab, so we were greeted by an array of people we knew, which was somewhat reassuring. Horatio was between Eric and Calleigh; Alexx was on the other side of Delko, protecting the two seats in between her and Tyler.

I glanced at the table beside ours; it was full of members of the MDPD. Tripp nodded his head at me as Yelina waved. Hagen tipped his drink in my direction; I recognized the amber liquid a mile away and suddenly felt unsure about being here. My accident had me vulnerable and weak.

Tim pulled out my chair for me, waiting for me to take it before heading the bar with Eric to obtain my order. I hadn't drank in a long time now, and wasn't about to over indulge myself any time soon, especially not with Hagen doing enough of that for both of us, he was on this third drink in twenty minutes.

The meal was lovely, the sirloin steak cooked to perfection and the double chocolate fudge cake was heaven in my mouth. The conversation flowed easy between the group, and it was nice to feel like I was around my family again. People had started to drift off towards the dance floor again; Calleigh had snared Eric and Bernstein and taken Autumn by the hand barely before the meal was over. The guy was enthusiastic and I knew he was creating the perfect romantic evening for something special tonight.

Autumn and Bernstein had been regular visitors at the hospital and the rehab clinic. They were even more regular once I'd gotten home, and was paralysed with sickness. Autumn had helped Tim and me through some of the darker days, and I knew it was a relief for Tim when he had to go to work knowing that her and Bernstein were around incase the sickness infection had taken turn for the worse.

Tim was back at the bar, in deep conversation with Tripp, I didn't even the ability to lip read but I knew they were talking about me. Tripp had been taken a supreme interest in my recovery; he was protective like my father would have been. So long as he didn't start questioning Tim on his intentions and threatening him with a shot gun we were good.

It was warm in the room. I could feel myself flushing under the heat despite the AC was on. I'd switched back to water after my first glass of Champagne had made me light headed.

A shadow fell over me and I looked up to see Tyler standing there his palm outstretched.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked me with a dimpled smile.

I glanced over my shoulder at Tim, who winked at me before continuing his conversation with Tripp.

"Sure." I answered setting my clutch bag down on the table, and taking Tyler's hand.

To my surprise Tyler was a good dancer, he informed me his mother had made him take ball room classes when he was a kid, and the movements had always stuck with him. I found myself laughing with him as he entertained with anecdotes of things that had been happening at the lab while I'd been away. It was nice to feel accepted again and Tyler made me feel like I'd never left.

"Are you alright, you look flushed?" Tyler asked, frowning.

"Yea, I'm just a little warm, it's hot in here." I responded with a weary smile.

"I think it's freezing the AC's too high." Tyler informed as he twirled me.

There was a tap on my left shoulder, and I saw Tyler's face darken as I twisted my face towards the person.

"May I cut in?" Hagen asked his hand already resting on my arm.

Tyler looked to me for a second, studying my face. I was more focused on the dull ache in my chest.

"I don't think Kate's feeling too well…" he stated.

"I'm fine." I murmured drawing a deep breath.

"You heard her she's fine. Just one dance and you can have her back." Hagen promised.

Tyler looked to me again, his face growing increasingly concerned. I nodded at him; he took a step a back. Hagen's arm looped around my waist, pulling me tightly against him. It was too close, too personal; with Tyler he always maintained a respectable distance. I knew this had been a very bad idea.

Hagen's body and mine swayed together, and it was the most awkward moment of my life. It was hot and claustrophobic. I could feel the sweat drenching my body.

"It's nice to see you up and on your feet again, I was worried about you." His lips were next to my ear.

I recoiled slightly; the room beginning to spin slowly, the heat was stifling. My breath was beginning to feel a little restricted.

"You look beautiful tonight." He whispered.

"John I need to…I don't feel very well." I told him trying to pull away.

His arms enclosed around me, pinning me to him.

"Just until the end of this song, I need to feel close to you." He murmured.

I jerked away as hard as I could, the room was moving quicker now, so fast I could barely stay standing. John's hand was on my arm again, there was panic in my chest, my breathing coming in short and rapid gasps. He was saying something but I couldn't hear him over the rushing of blood in my ears. I tried to wrench my arm away, succeeding I stumbled a few steps forward.

I could see Tim in eye range at the bar, Tyler was with him and Tripp now, he turned to face me, I reached out for him. His face was marred in an expression I couldn't place. He took a step towards me, his eyes wide, the colour draining from his face. My knees went weak and suddenly the darkness crashed down on me.

* * *

"It's alright I got her." Delko exclaimed, as he caught Kate.

Her head lolled onto his chest as her body sagged in his arms. Her forehead was pressing against his chest under the shirt he was wearing. He could feel the heat coming off her in waves. He'd moved to intercepted Hagen when he saw the other man grab Kate's arm; he hadn't realized it had been for a genuine reason.

Speed was beside him in an instant as was Alexx.

"Get her onto the floor." Alexx ordered.

Kate's head came to rest in Calleigh's lap as the other woman brushed the hair from her forehead. Her skin was waxy and her eyes looked hollow.

"What happened?" she asked, as Speed hovered over them worrisomely.

"She was complaining of being hot and she wasn't feeling well." Tyler submitted.

Horatio was crouched beside Alexx, as she took Kate's pulse. Alexx's hand moved to Kate's clammy forehead, the look on her face one of utmost concern.

"I need a damp cloth." She informed the group.

Delko was already striding towards the bar to fulfil that request.

"Alexx?" Horatio questioned.

"She's burning up Horatio; I think she's got a fever." Alexx told them.

"She's sick?" Tim asked quietly from his position behind Alexx.

"I need to see if her wounds weeping again so we're gonna have to take her somewhere private." Alexx said to Horatio pointedly.

It was going to involve taking her dress off and Alexx wanted to do it away from prying eyes.

"I'll see if one of the offices is empty." Tyler stated, before taking off in search of one.

Delko reappeared at Alexx's side, a damp bar towel in his hand. She took it from her gladly, patting Kate's forehead with it lightly, while they waited for Tyler to return.

* * *

My chest was stinging, but it was more the inside than out. The aching sensation was in my lungs, not the muscles. In the last few months I'd been able to distinguish between the two. I coughed suddenly; the effort was tremendous as I tried to choke back the mucus that was rising in my throat.

My skin was on fire and something was thrown on top of me restricted my ability to move.

My eyes flickered open and I could see things, I recognized but I couldn't put together because my mind was too jumbled. The last thing I remembered was Hagen. Oh God where was I?

"Tim?" I cried out, feeling suddenly very frightened.

I felt my lower lip tremble as I struggled against the heaviness upon me.

"Tim?"

"Shh, I'm here baby, I'm right here." I heard his voice to my left, before I twisted my head towards it.

His warm hand clasped mine as he knelt beside the bed, kissing my palm gently. My eyes darted around the room, taking in our surroundings.

"How did we get home?" I croaked groggily, my throat hurting.

"Alexx brought us back, she's downstairs with Horatio and Tripp. You fainted at the ball. Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" he asked me his voice breaking.

I brought my hand up to caress the side of his face, he kissed my wrist tenderly.

"I thought it was a sniffle." I told him. "I thought I was catching a cold, and I really wanted to go. I didn't know it was going to hit me this hard."

"You have a chest infection, the doctor's on his way to check you over but Alexx looked at your scar it wasn't weeping so not the muscles, we think it's just a really bad cold, and because your lungs are weak it's hitting you hard. You overexerted yourself." He chastised.

I sniffed, feeling pitiful and sad.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled. "I should have told you. I'm sorry I wrecked everyone's night."

Tim shook, his head, biting his lip as he tapped the end of my nose with his finger.

"This happens; nobody is judging you for it. Just… if you even feel ill next time just tell me so I can keep an eye on you. I shouldn't have left you a lone like that." He scolded himself.

"You deserved to have a little fun." I said patting his cheek lightly.

I sighed before daring to speak again.

"What if I'm like this forever?" I asked him. "What if I can't go back to work because I'm all weak and every time I catch a cold I collapse or something?"

"This is a stepping stone, its part of your recovery. You're trying to get better so fast… I can't understand how frustrating this must be, but you need to slow down and not exert yourself. The stress your bodies' under affects your immune system hence why this happened… You scared me tonight Kate." He admitted, running his hand through his hair, his lips clamped tightly together.

I buried my face in the duvet, exhaling deeply as Tim bowed his head.

The knock on the door jerked us both out of our silence, as Tim called for the Doctor to step in.

Alexx had deduced the condition correctly; the doctor had left a prescription of antibiotics, which Tim was collecting from the twenty hour pharmacy over a mile away. I found myself staring into the darkness of the window on the right side of my bed. Tripp and Horatio were downstairs, each coming up ever ten minutes to check on me. I pretended to be asleep so I wouldn't have to face them, while pondering on thing that had been going through my head since I'd woken up.

Would I have to put a bullet in my own brain for all this to end?

* * *

_**Howdy peeps, I'm currently writing the next chapter but you're going to have to be patient. It looks to be a long chapter, and I started my new full time job on Monday so it means less writing time but FK is my baby and in two chapters time there's going to be a big shock!**_

_**Thank you to all the reviewers, you guys keep this story going. And all you lurkers, do me a favour and review, the story deserves more attention than you're giving it.**_

_Pip: lol I have ceased to be mean now, I am midway through the chapter that's next. We'll have to wait and see how that turns out. I imagine Physio is horrendously frustration and I'm glad it shows in this chapter because if it was my I would have thrown a fit too. I can just see Horatio making a deal with her; it makes her feel better at least. I really feel sorry for her and Tim over the sex thing, its just really hard to get things in order again after thing like that and I wanted to show it._

_Blue: I think a lot of people have been through intensive physio so you're not the only one. Thanks for the review._

_BEG: I seriously thought she'd feel that way, because I know what it's like to be that frustrated and you are in so much pain it doesn't help to have someone so eerily positive. Lol did I ever send you that comic someone had done where he did the head tilting thing so much his head fell off? I was in stitches when I read it. I added it to my favs and everything. I think she needs some sort of family figures in her life. Horatio has been there a lot for her, he's the one that lets her get on with it and steps in when she's in dire need. Lol Well you know whether and Tim are like, it's an intense relationship esp physically and that's the problem, she wants everything back to normal right now and Tim knows it's going to take time. I think Tim being thee has proved a lot to Kate and she's starting to rely on him more than she did before. _

_Lapland: I would have been freaking out all over the place if I was Kate. I wanted to show some of her recovery process because people don't just get up and walk away from that type of injury, it comes back to haunt you. I know it makes you feel really weak and pathetic and that's what I'm trying to get across. Thank you for the review!_

_Sneaky: lol I'm glad you like it I really wanted to get across what it's really like. I like FK because I strive to make it realistic. It's different for me and a complete challenge. I imagine anyone with a scar like that would be in a similar position. (lol I'm saying that but my friend shows off his scar like that all the time.) I feel for the man he is so patient with her, she doesn't make it easier but I think it's part of their growing up together a couple._


	23. Chapter 23: Hurricane Anthony

Chapter Twenty Three: Hurricane Anthony

_Too many words_

_Too many lies  
I cant quite see the truth  
when I look into your eyes_

_Evermore - Running_

The sky was dark and overcast, the remaining storm clouds looming over Miami ominously. The whole atmosphere was bleak. The wind was still ferocious, whipping the hair around my face as I stepped out of the Hummer. The road was littered with branches and belongings from people homes.

There were civilians lingering outside in the street, watching as rescue workers cut through trees that had fallen into the road that they had once hemmed.

When we'd driven along the freeway I'd seen the height of those waves crashing against the shore, the power behind that water was tremendous and deadly. People with houseboats stood no chance.

The Hurricane had torn apart Miami leaving a disruptive mess in its wake. National Geographic had recorded winds up to 145mph I'd heard on the news. Emergency management had suggested shelters in order to avoid the gridlock. Wind and rain had blanketed the city so no one had been able to see a thing, not to mention the flooding it had caused. Initial reports estimated that twenty thousand homes had been destroyed and many more damaged, and the Hurricane was only a Category Two.

My boot crunched on glass as I slammed the door to the Hummer. Horatio nodded at the Rescue crew in the bright orange jackets. Everyone was pitching in and helping out, disasters brought out the best in most people. It was all hand on deck in a situation like this, hence why I was here.

It had been ten months since the fall, three since I'd gotten back home. I'd been working the last two weeks in the Crime Lab, I'd basically become an over paid tech. I ran the tests on the equipment, wrote up reports and helped wherever needed me. No case was my own; I never saw the families and the only victims I'd seen were in Crime Scene photographs. I knew Horatio was easing me back, despite the fact my Doctor had already cleared me to be in the field.

"How's your place holding up?" Yelina asked me, appearing at my side, presumably from across the street.

"According to Tim some of the shutters blew off otherwise we were damn lucky. You and Ray Jnr ok?" I asked leaning on the front of the Hummer while Horatio talked to Alexx.

"Horatio took us to his friend's place, it was very comfortable." Yelina replied.

"Ladies, would you mind taking a look around there?" Horatio asked, pointing towards the house we'd parked the Hummer outside of.

"Sure." Yelina replied before the two of us took off towards the house in question.

* * *

The streets were chaos now Speed noted, but there was organisation in the chaos. People working together towards a cause, you could see that in the way they helped each other. It astounded him how humanity could still work side by side after a disaster like this. Twigs were cracking under foot as him and Delko strode down the street towards their destination.

His place had been destroyed by the Hurricane, one of the windows had shattered and caused gale force winds to tear through the place destroying everything in its path, and flooding it with rain. It would take days for the wreckage to be cleared, but that didn't bother him. He'd already cleared the bungalow of everything of personal value long before the Hurricane had come along. He had enough clothes and belongings at Kate's to be able to survive there for a few more weeks.

He'd been too busy securing her windows and making sure she got to a shelter before he helped with the Evacuees to remember that his old place needed the same treatment. He barely visited the Bungalow anymore, with the exception to pick up something he needed.

Yet he knew he could never give up the property even if he was practically living with Kate. He needed a safe haven in case things went bad again like they had when she'd left years ago. He knew it was stupid to think like that but the experience had scared him emotionally. His feelings had been brutalised by her absence, which was why he refused to let go of that Bungalow.

It was Delko's voice that drew him away form his thoughts and back to their current task in hand, or rather Delko's grumbling.

"A category two hurricane and we get sent out to a traffic accident. What's up with dispatch?"

Speedle sighed; twisting his head towards the scene of the accident, his eyes landing on Alexx crouched down next to a body trapped underneath a car.

"They're slammed with thousands of calls. They take them one at a time until order's been restored." Speed explained, picking his way through the fallen trees and debris, as they made their way to Alexx.

"I'd hate to see what a Category Four looks like." Delko muttered, clambering over the remains of a tree.

Speed raised his eyes skyward, checking out the humongous storm clouds that hung above them, before shaking his head.

"So would dispatch."

* * *

The back garden was a mess; panels were strewn across the small space, as was the blue plastic covering that had once had a use. The small, black spiky fence framed the area, marking the line of territory from neighbouring gardens. There was a noise that rasped along with the wind; it seemed out of place, odd even. It was coming from a metal sheet that was resting upon the fence. The noise was getting louder now with every step I took.

Maybe there was a cat trapped underneath the metal…

The noise sounded familiar but I couldn't place where or how and that's when I saw the shoe.

It was protruding from metal sheet; fresh blood marred the blue sock that was attached to it, jolting me into action. There was blood, meaning there was someone trapped underneath.

I responded without thinking, my hands groping for the metal sheet, to yank it off them. The action caused pain, pain so violent it caused a dizzy sickness shooting straight through me. My chest was on fire, the strain had tore through my muscles, causing black spots to dance in front of my eyes before I focused on what was below me.

My chest tightened as a gasp expelled from my mouth.

It was the face I saw first, Hispanic in origin. His eyes were wide, the whites of them clearly showing as they darted from side to side. His pupils were dilated, caused by the lack of oxygen I assumed from the fact he was impaled on the fence through the chest. He raised his head as much as he could towards me, blood trickled from the side of his mouth, it had stained his right cheek.

There was blood under his nose and I knew what it meant if he was breathing out blood. His breath was coming out in short, shallow gasps, I could hear the bubbling in his throat as he took each one. His whole body was trembling from the shock and from the strain of trying to keep himself supported.

I placed one shoe on the wall, and leaned forward balancing on it so I could look the middle aged man in the eyes without him having to strain himself anymore than he had too. The situation was too dire to do anything but make him more comfortable.

There were tears in his eyes as he looked up at me, hopeful, his face full of panic and relief as I stood there, pursing my lips together, trying to take the next step to distracting him.

"What's your name?" I asked the first thing that popped into my head.

"Martin." The effort was tremendous and I knew that him talking was not gong to be a good idea, not with all the damage that had been done to his chest.

"Mind if I call you Marty?" I tried to smile reassuringly. "Marty I'm going to check you out and I don't want you to speak ok?"

Marty's eyes squeezed tightly closed before he nodded his reply. I scanned down to his shirt, my fingers finding the hole in as I bent over to get a better look at the wound. The spike had gone straight through and was now protruding fro his chest, caught on the skin. The head was shaped like an arrow; the only way to pull it out would be to cut away the head. I had no tools to do such a thing and the problem was the vibrations from a saw could cause Marty more damage. I raised my head to meet Marty's eyes again, taking a deep breath to steady myself. There were tears in Marty's eyes; they were streaking down his face, following the line of his cheek bone before dripping onto the plush grass below. His breathing sounded hollow now, almost empty.

"Can you…" he swallowed hard before persisting. "Can you move me?"

I bit my lip, trying to hold back my own tears as I shook my head.

"Marty I…" I hesitated; I didn't know what to tell him.

I wasn't good at this, comfort was always Horatio's forte, but Horatio wasn't around and I had to try because this man… well I was the best he had right now.

"I don't think that's a good idea." I told him kindly. "You understand me?"

Marty nodded, I could hear the rasping getting louder there was blood in his throat which meant the fence had pierced his lung.

"Is this your house Marty?" I asked, glancing back at the house, trying to distract him.

"Tell them…Please." He pleaded, his body buckling as he sobbed.

I sniffed, nodding my head.

"I'll tell them Marty. I'll tell them for you." I said quietly, shifting to regain my balance on the wall.

Marty's eyes widened in horror and fear as I moved, his blood covered hand reaching up towards me.

"Please…" he begged. "Please don't leave me!"

I took his hand gently between mine, clasping it tightly, making sure he could feel me here by his side.

"I'm here…I'm right here." I reassured him, rubbing his hand for comfort.

His body suddenly stiffened, his eyes were on mine, boring straight into me as his body shuddered and arched.

"Marty?" I asked quietly.

His final breath rattled as he took it, sending shivers up my spine and raising the hair on the back of my neck. Watching someone die and you're seeing their soul depart from the world is terrifying and I clutched onto to Marty repeating his name over and over against his grip slackened and his body went limp.

A hand clasped my shoulder; I shrugged it off still staring into Marty's blank eyes as the numbness began to subside, the feeling of true sorrow hitting me at the same time as the fire in my chest. A whimper escaped my lips as tears ran down my cheeks.

"Kate…he's gone." Yelina's voice penetrated through to my ears, as I pressed the back of my bloody hand to my lips.

I rose to my feet, crying out as a sharp pain crippled my chest almost bringing me right back down to my knees. Yelina started towards me, I shook my head speaking to her through ground teeth.

"It's a strain; I had to pull the metal off of him." I explained, pressing a hand to my racing heart trying to breath.

Each breath made me want to scream out loud. It was so god damn unfair, Marty didn't deserve this, and I hadn't deserved this. I wanted to crawl somewhere and die because the pain was so intense.

"We need to get you back to the lab." Yelina injected, her hand grabbing me under the elbow and leading me towards her car.

"We shouldn't have brought you out here; I knew this was too much too soon." Yelina growled and I knew she was angrier at herself than she was at me.

We were already at her car and she was hurling the passenger door open, I dropped into the seat, putting my head between my knees in order to ward off the panic that was growing in my chest.

"Please, don't tell Tim." I pleaded.

I hated seeing him concerned. I was sick of the fact he had to worry about me, time and time again. This was my burden not his.

Yelina raised her eyebrows surprised.

"He'll get upset and he'll get keep checking on me and I want him to be able to do his job without having to worry about me. It's not fair to do this to him; he shouldn't have to see this." I explained thought the hair that had fallen over my face.

Yelina crouched down to my eye level, as I tilted my head towards her.

"How about we make a deal?" she offered, a warm smile on her face. "I won't say a word to Speedle if you go to the lab and promise not to come back out here. I know you're ready for work Kate but you're not capable of dealing with the mess this Hurricane has left behind. Let me deal with Marty and you can deal with a problem of mine."

"What kind of problem?" I asked suspiciously.

A tiny squeak answered my question. I peered over the back seat to see a small cardboard box with a small red blanket over it and peeking out was a tiny, grey tabby kitten. He took one look at me and darted back under the blanket and into its safety.

"I found the poor thing soaking wet, taking shelter in a house with the windows broken, according to the owner's they don't have a cat. They have no idea where he came from." She told me sadly.

The kitten was poking his head out of the blanket again; he meowed at me loudly, his adorable blue eyes blinking up at me as I reached for the box and pulled it onto my lap. My fingers stroked through the soft fur as the kitten looked up at me with adoration.

"I'll take him." I said, tickling the kitten's chin with my finger tips.

"I was going to ask you to contact Animal Control but I like that option better. At least I know he's going to a good home." She said as I swung my legs into the car careful not to jolt the box.

Yelina closed the passenger side door and walked around to the driver's side before getting behind the wheel.

"Besides sometimes I think you need something to love."

I looked to Yelina before bowing my head and scratching the kitten under is chin, he was purring now as he sat in his make shift, cardboard home.

"I think I want to try for another baby." I admitted.

I could feel Yelina's gaze on me as stayed focused on the kitten.

"When…Before the accident Tim proposed and I told him I didn't want to get married. I didn't want marriage or kids; I wanted to focus on my career because I felt like I hadn't had time to have one, but really I was scared. I wasn't sure I could be a mother or anybody's wife. I always have this thing where I just shut down and go numb when something scares me emotionally and I will throw every excuse at it until it's either gone or I am made to face it. And then I got pregnant."

I raised my head, staring through the wind screen at the people scurrying along the streets.

"It was an accident, the meds I was taking for the tension head aches I get screw with the contraceptive pill and we got caught out, and then Vegas happened, everything just went crazy. When I found out I was pregnant everything just stopped. It all didn't seem to matter anymore because there was something more important, something that was bigger than everything else, and it was the tiny baby that was growing inside of me."

The kitten was nudging at my hand now, his cold wet nose prodding me for more attention and I obliged.

"I never expected it. I found out on the day where everything was going wrong. You know the impossible case, Tim was dating Carrie, and then suddenly I was pregnant and everything was tipped upside down again. I wanted that baby Yelina…" I tilted my head towards her meeting her expressive dark eyes.

"I wanted that baby so badly I would have done anything for it. When I found out all these instincts I didn't know I had just kicked in and I knew I could do it, I could be a mother because I loved that baby. I had all these dreams…" I pressed a hand to my mouth, feeling the tears well up again.

Yelina reached out placing a hand on mine.

"It's ok to cry Kate, its ok to be sad. Sometimes things happen for a reason, and we don't know why, but I do know they make us stronger. You and Tim…" she paused. "You need to re-establish yourselves before you decide to bring a child into this world. You've had a terrible, terrible trauma and he has stuck by you through thick and thin but you need to make time for your relationship now. You need to focus on you and what you as a couple want. For so long it's been about what you need Kate, it's hard to remember what it was like when you weren't sick sometimes and now your better I can tell you both feel tense because you're not sure how to enjoy the relationship."

"I don't know how to fix it. We try… but I can't…it's the scar. It's like a permanent reminder that it happened and it's ugly and I never want him to see it. I don't even get changed in the same room as him because I can't stand the idea of him seeing it. It's been over ten months and I am desperate to reconnect with him but every time he's near the damn thing I just freak out." I explained frustrated.

Yelina pondered this for a moment while I looked on feeling helpless.

"I know you have sexy underwear." She said suddenly.

I stared at her feeling startled and horrified.

"Wha…"

Yelina rolled her eyes.

"I don't wanna see it, but don't you think Tim might?" she suggested.

"It all stops here." I informed her, drawing a line below my bra.

Yelina pulled a face as I sighed, waving my hand at her dismissively.

"I'll figure something out." I told her, signalling the end of conversation.

Yelina clipped on her seat belt waiting for me to juggle the kitten's box and do the same. A smirk tugged at my lips.

"Maybe Horatio would like to see your sexy underwear." I teased, as Yelina shifted the car into reverse.

"And maybe you should keep quiet before I kick you out the car." She returned, with a wink before setting off towards the lab.

* * *

Eric was standing next to Horatio in the small garden as the older man surveyed the scene before him. His hands were on his hips pushing his suit jacket back, his eyes were hidden behind the Ray-Ban sunglasses he sported on regular occasion, but Delko knew he was taking in every detail in order to assess the crime.

EMS had announced Marty dead at the scene before the coroner's office got around to collecting his body. Removing the body from the railings had been hard work especially with them striving to keep the flesh and internal organs as intact as possible to give Alex a reasonable autopsy.

The body, always seemed such an impersonal way to think of a person but Eric was content to shift the feelings that resided within him at the current moment, especially in response to Marty. He'd seen the state Kate had been in as Yelina tugged her away from the body, and he didn't envy her. He'd never seen a man's life slipping away like that and he couldn't imagine what that must instil in a person. She was in a bad state again, he could see it in the way her chest heaved, and the pain in her expression as he searched the perimeter of the accident him and Speed had been investigating.

The body was rolling past them on the gurney now and Horatio paused the two men to pause as he took in the crescent shaped bruising on calves.

"You really think a Hurricane could have done this?" Eric asked his mentor.

Horatio's gaze tilted towards the garden area, resting on the pool of blood and the closed, crushed rose buds.

The poor guy had just been impaled on that fence waiting to die.

"Crescent marks on the back of his legs, they look like they were made by a Hammer." Horatio murmured. "I want you to run with this one; Kate's awaiting your physical evidence at the lab."

And with that he retreated to inform Mrs Medesto of her husband's death.

* * *

The break room was quiet; everyone who was able bodied was out working around the clock to restore order to the chaos ridden city. The lab was on minimum staff until everyone was recalled from the field. The break room was a quiet place to keep up on the paper work that was streaming in. No evidence had been submitted from Marty's case yet but I knew Delko was working the scene.

Horatio had already broken the news to his pregnant wife. She'd taken it gracefully he said. The brother in law had become a suspect because of his anger towards Marty over the way he treated his sister. I hate to say it, but everyone was a suspect until proven otherwise.

Another reason I couldn't work in my office was because of my latest adoption, Yelina had dropped me off at the lab as I still wasn't cleared to drive yet. The test was scheduled for next week but I was pretty positive that would have to be reorganised due to the mass reconstruction of our broken city.

My office was through the lab and if I took the kitten through the lab I risked contaminating evidence that we may be able to use in an open case. So instead I'd placed the box in the break room, grabbed some files and took my work in there so I could keep an eye on the critter.

At first Stormy had launched himself into an exploration of the new area. He'd dove out the box as soon as I'd set it down on the floor and proceeded to investigate every nook and cranny of the place. Jumping up on chairs, and climbing underneath them, the kitten was in his element, until he started clawing at the leg of a rather expensive comfy chair and received his first scolding.

I'd set up a little cardboard box for him to "go" in, in the corner of the room and put some ham on a plate and some water in bowl. He'd lapped them up straight away, and then spent the next five minutes at the bottom of my chair meowing for attention before I picked him up and set him on my lap. Stormy had promptly curled up and purred while I petted him absentmindedly whilst reading report after report.

They were flooding in as the team ducked and dived from each scene, solving each case before moving on to the next. I knew Tim wouldn't be coming home anytime tonight.

The door opened suddenly and in seconds Stormy was off my knee and racing towards freedom.

"Close the god damn door…" I yelled swivelling in my chair to grab the kitten.

Tim was already scooping him up, the palm of his hand under the kitten's belly as he lifted him to his chest.

"Nice try." Tim told Stormy as the kitten bristled, indignant.

Stormy's eyes fixed on me as he meowed forlorn as Tim cradled him to his chest, shutting the door tightly behind him.

"So where'd you pick up the stray?" he asked, his fingers trailing over the kitten's soft fur.

"He was trapped in a house, soaked through. Owner's say he's not theirs…"

"Jesus fucking Christ!" Tim yelled abruptly, reeling back as if he'd been shot.

I rose to my feet, shocked as Stormy jumped away from him hissing as he crawled under one of the comfy chairs and hid.

"You scared him." I muttered getting on my hands and knees, trying to coax the kitten out.

"Scared him? The little bastard just clawed right into my hand."

"He's a frightened, tiny kitten." I retorted making clicking noises at the kitten and rubbing my fingers together.

"Who has apparently drawn blood." Tim informed me as Stormy shuffled from underneath the chair.

"Don't be such a baby." I snorted as Stormy yowled his agreement.

"Says the woman trying to prise the thing from underneath the chair."

"How the hell am I supposed to get him home if he's trapped under here?" I retorted before mentally smacking myself in the forehead.

There was a clatter behind me, as I glanced over my shoulder to see Tim facing me, hands on his hips unimpressed.

"It's my house." I reminded him, the tension going thick between us.

"You're still pissed because I forced you into that shelter." He responded, folding his arms over his chest.

I turned back towards the kitten.

"No I'm pissed that you didn't come along with me."

"I had to help…"

"Evacuate the city." I finished. "I know."

"So what you're really mad about is the fact that you couldn't help evacuate the city. So you're not really mad at me, your mad at yourself." Tim reflected.

I glowered before ducking my head under the chair.

I felt his hand enclose on my shoulder suddenly and flinched, Tim drew back exhaling deeply.

"You're going to have to talk about it at some point, if not to me than to someone else. I need to know why you won't let me touch you anymore." He said quietly.

"Haven't you got a case to be working on?" I pointed out, hiding my face under the chair.

I didn't even have to turn around to see the infuriation etched into Tim's features; I could sense it, especially when I heard the door click shut behind me as he disappeared from the room.

* * *

The morgue was full, there were bodies lining the corridor packed in body bags and lying on gurneys. Being in the job reminded Speed that there was no dignity in death and although he recognized this as a fact, it didn't mean he had to like it. His phone was vibrating again in his pocket as he paused at the door to the autopsy room.

It had been ringing on and off for the past two hours, an unknown number he didn't recognize. He'd been cautious to answer, the caller wasn't leaving messages. Something that both intrigued him and irritated him. He switched it from vibrate and back onto silent before stepping in to greet Alexx. He didn't need anymore distractions, Kate and her constant mood swings was distracting enough.

Their lack of intimacy was driving him insane and he knew that's why she was so snappy. She was her own worst enemy and she knew that. He didn't care about the scar, and he was anxious to prove it, but she refused to let him even get past first base. Those clothes never came off in his presence and it felt like his patience and trust was at the end of its tether.

"You here to see Windshield Man, baby?" Alexx asked, glancing up from the report she was filling in with a warm smile.

Speed tucked his phone back into his pocket.

"There's a lot of bodies lying in the hallway out there." He stated, shaking his head.

"Yea tell me about it, I guess with all the new construction people thought that mandatory evacuation didn't apply to them." Alexx countered, raising her eyebrows.

Alexx paused for a moment to sign off on the report before jabbing her pen in the direction of Windshield Man.

"Your boy here though, he drowned." She informed him.

Speedle crossed his arms over his chest, his dark eyebrows furrowing into a tight frown.

"This guy hits the windshield of a car, and dies of drowning?" He asked perplexed.

"After I pulled the leaves and wrappers out of his mouth, a blood stained foam erupted from his lungs." Alexx confirmed, setting down her clipboard on the metal trolley alongside the gurney.

"Which means?" Tim prompted.

His eyes were gritty from the strain of the past twenty four hours and he knew his shift was far from over.

"He had air, water and mucus present during respiration. The rain filled his lungs, collapsed the alveoli and saturated his red blood cells until they burst causing heart failure." Alexx explained.

"So he drowned on Hurricane rain?" Speed questioned.

"Yea." Alexx responded with a smirk, as Speed shook his head in disbelief.

Something caught his attention, on the hand of the body, there was a discoloration. He picked up the limp arm and twisted it towards him to get a better look at it.

"A waxy substance, I don't know what it is but it's all over his arm." Alexx murmured, as she reached her scalpel and scrapped some of the discoloration of the skin.

"Do we know who this is?" Speed persisted, studying the face of the man before him.

Alexx shook her head.

"And we're not going to… Well not the conventional way at least." She tipped his hand towards Speedle. "His fingerprints are sanded off, and I found this wedged in his cheekbone."

Alexx held up a piece of flesh coloured plastic. Speedle tilted his head towards the offending item.

"He have plastic surgery?" Speed asked curious to see how deep this went.

"Botox, caps, dyed hair too. You've got your work cut out for you Speed. It looks like this boy had something to hide." Alexx concluded.

Speed took the report and the trace from Alexx before disappearing from the morgue, his phone was already in his hand, ready to answer the next call.

* * *

To Eric's surprise the day was turning out sunny. A soothing warmth was settling down on Miami, it felt like everything may turn out ok after all. He frowned at the thought, thinking of the scene as he raised the camera to his face.

Well maybe not for everyone.

He felt Horatio's presence behind him as he spoke; it was calming, almost serene.

"I haven't found the ladder yet, or the hammer." He informed Horatio glancing over his shoulder as the red head came to a stand still behind him.

"You know… Let's get a shot of this." Horatio stated, striding forward, his forehead creased in thought.

His freckled hand enclosed on a sheet of blue plastic covering as he yanked it back as Eric continued to take pictures.

Underneath was a two by four, with three nails producing from one side of it. Dried splashes of red tainted each nail; from the texture Horatio deduced it was blood.

"The brother in law said he was nailing up boards." Horatio mentioned thoughtfully.

"The nails have blood on them." Eric remarked, considering the possibilities as he took more photographs.

"It appears he left that part out didn't he? Let's get it to DNA." Horatio said, his hands on his hips.

"Why would the board stay put but not the ladder?" Eric asked one of the questions that had been plaguing him.

"Things that are on flushed to the ground tend to stay that way during a Hurricane." Horatio reminded him.

"Because there's nothing to get under." Eric remembered, rising his eyes to see his mentor staring at the blood pool beside the broken rose bushes.

"He was lucky to have Kate with him. It must be really scary to have to face that alone." Eric spoke softly, trying not to imagine the scene they'd stepped into.

"I'm not so sure Kate was so lucky." Horatio mentioned, a frown etched across his weathered features.

"What do you mean? I know she'd been itching to get in the field. She's better." Eric expressed his opinion cautiously.

"Physically she's progressed." Horatio commented.

Eric read between the lines.

"She still hasn't seen the counsellor you recommended?" Eric asked.

"Speed says she's been having nightmares again but their different now. She refuses to tell him what they're about, which leads me to believe their not related to the fall." Horatio spoke his thoughts out loud, a rarity.

Delko knew he was being trusted with something, he cocked his head before speaking.

"Your thinking something happened when she was UC?" he hesitated for a second. "She flinches when people touch her. I've only noticed it since she's been back. She doesn't flinch with Calleigh but me, and sometimes when Speed surprises her…She goes rigid."

Her reaction reminded Eric of something but he couldn't put his finger on it. Horatio's hands were on his sunglasses, toying with the legs of them, a pained expression on his face. Eric guessed that Horatio had already worked it out, and he trusted the older man to make things right with his friend.

* * *

The phone call had left Speed shaking; he looked down to see his hands trembling. He could feel the bile raging at the back of his throat as he stared down at his phone sickened. Yet he couldn't believe how calm he had been upon talking, how rational his reasoning had been with Stephanie's assurances.

The anger was threatening to take him over now, the phone groaning in protest as his hand enclosed around it so tightly it threatened to crack.

He could not understand…

He closed his eyes tightly and forced himself to take a deep breath to calm his jangling nerves. Stephanie was on her way over with the specimen until then he could do nothing but work on his case.

The autopsy report was in front of him, the details from Alexx ringing in his head. They were shoved away by another memory, an older one.

_Long, honey coloured hair cascading down her back as she tipped her head in ecstasy. Her nails raking across his skin as she rode his body hard, fucking him until he forgot everything but the impulse that remained between them. The dull connection that held them there in one place. His head was spinning; pleasure mixed with a dizzy sickness claimed him. His whole body jerked and spasmed as he climaxed deep inside her._

Jessica.

A name he could now never forget.

* * *

The woman we were watching was checking her phone for the sixth time in three minutes. She was clad in a trim, black skirt suit that made her look both sophisticated and stylish. Her strawberry blond hair fell to her shoulders, cut in a feminine layered style that suited her heart shaped face. I sat next to Valera, perched on my stool, tapping my pen on the table as I watched her pace up and down the corridor, clutching a folder to her chest.

"I wonder what kind of work she does." I pondered, tilting my head towards the woman as she pouted.

"She looks worried." I added, studying her demeanour.

Valera glanced up, as I twisted my head towards her wearily.

"I'm running a sample for her, Speedle wanted it done ASAP. I guess it's important." She shrugged, not quite meeting my gaze.

I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose between my fingers. There were a lot more secrets being kept between the team than I cared to admit.

"I don't suppose you have an ETA on my sample?" I asked hopefully.

Valera gave me her best sympathetic expression before shaking her head.

"I'm sorry but this one takes priority over yours." She said apologetically.

I resisted the urge to scowl at the woman as she resumed her pacing.

"I wonder what's so important about that sample." I queried.

Valera clamped her lips shut, busying herself preparing other samples.

"Your not going to tell me are you?" I interrogated.

"I have been sworn to secrecy. I could lose my job if I told you." She informed me.

I rose from my seat feeling exasperated.

"Could you at least page me when my samples done? I may as well do something useful while I'm here, I'm sure there's some cases that need going over." I said thoughtfully heading towards the door.

"I'll do that." Valera told me before she ducked her head evading my eyes.

I frowned at the gesture, something was definitely going on.

* * *

Kate was tired; he could tell by the way her beautiful sapphire eyes snapped open after each time she blinked, as if she was shaking off fatigue. It was good to see her back at work, he got to see her more and he liked watching her. He liked the way the pencil skirt she'd changed into since returning to the lab clung to her hips and showed off that perfect ass.

The black, button up shirt tucked into the skirt defined her curves more, increasing her femininity and making him break into a light sweat every time she stalked towards the filing cabinet and yanked out another file. His eyes lingered on hr legs before resting on her small feet clad in low heels. He'd prefer something a little more dangerous looking but it didn't stop her from making him all hot and bothered.

Her hair was swept up in a French twist to keep it away from her face as she read through the manila file, her brow furrowing in concentration. Her hand played with the tiny St Michael sovereign at her throat. Her fingers almost brushing the buttons of her shirt.

He closed his eyes, biting his lip to stifle the groan that emitted from him.

_Her skin felt like silk, her dark hair cascading over her shoulders as she tipped her head back, her finger nails scrapping along the back of his neck as he peeled off that tiny crimson coloured g-string. He could hear her noises as licked at her nipples, taking one in his mouth while his fingers toyed with the other. She ground against him; he could hear her panting as she begged, just how he liked it. Her wanting him more than anything as he teased her. His lips were on her stomach now, as his hands grabbed her firm ass and yanked her lower body to his eager mouth. His tongue diving into her hot wetness, her gasp of pleasure as she yanked at his hair._

"_My, my Detective…"_

He'd told her not to speak during the exchange, her voice, the only thing that wasn't perfect. He'd even given the Escort the perfume he'd borrowed from Kate's locker in order to fulfil the fantasy but the stupid bitch just had to open her mouth. He'd picked her because of the resemblance she had to Kate, he'd bought the underwear she'd stood in and sprayed her with the perfume and then she'd become Kate.

Kate, standing there clad in red silk and black lace, stockings up to her thighs, and a suspender belt holding it all in place. The scent, the taste, the feel of her skin slick against his, her hair brushing across his body, it had all been Kate until she opened her fucking mouth.

The whore had walked away with two hundred dollars, looking bewildered and alarmed as he threw her out of the motel room. Once the fantasy was broken he hadn't been in the mood for sex, he'd trashed the room after she'd left just for the sheer hell of it before hitting a bar. She wasn't his Kate and that tormented him almost each and every night.

The truth was had fantasized about Kate for a long time, even before she'd come back into his life. There was a terrible guilt that pitted in the bottom of his stomach just like there had been when she was seeing Ray. The kiss they shared back then had meant everything to him, despite the fact Kate had been so drunk she hadn't been able to stand. She'd found about Ray and his wife, and then the drugs. She'd turned to him for help and he'd cracked open a bottle of whiskey and let her tell her story. One glass made her calm; two loosened her tongue and five…

She'd ended up in his lap, her hair falling across his face as his arms looped around her waist. Her kisses were hard, heated; his hands had roamed everywhere, touching every inch of her through her clothes. Her head came to rest on his shoulder as her body slumped against him. Despite the fact he could taste the whiskey on her breath he didn't care. His fingers had unbuttoned her shirt as she lolled against him; she was unsteady as he tore the skirt from her hips.

He remembered hearing the word "no" but he didn't want to stop. There was this need, this shameful deep impulse to take her and make her his own. She didn't resist, he insisted it was a game; she wanted him despite her feeble protests. He'd been gentle; he hadn't been as rough as he wanted. She was delicate and fragile underneath him, and he treated her so, he knew it was what she wanted even after she passed out. He'd spooned her in the night, his nose buried in her silky hair as she lay naked beside him, shivering against his body. It had felt wrong but so right at the same time.

She'd disappeared before he'd woken up, his hand had pressed against the cool sheets to find her gone. The smell of sex and perfume had clung to his sheets, and he'd found himself hard again just thinking of the previous night. That's when he decided it was time to get rid of Ray.

Kate was chewing the end of her pen now, a habit she only adapted when she was frustrated, the same way she picked the labels off water bottles. Speedle obviously wasn't doing it for her; he lacked the imagination that Kate needed, but Hagen…

Well he had a trick or two hidden up his sleeve.

* * *

The Trace Lab was quiet, and Speed was working to a rhythm only be known to him as Horatio watched the younger CSI from the doorway. He'd bumped into Stephanie on the way to DNA; she'd been hovering outside, tapping her foot impatiently. Horatio knew from the expression on her face that she had hoped to avoid him.

Horatio had known Stephanie for a long time; they'd worked on many cases together when children were involved. Social Services was a messy career but Stephanie carried the mantle well. She was a dedicated and efficient member of the team, and to her, a child's safety was the upmost priority.

"I bumped into Stephanie in DNA." Horatio spoke into the room.

Speed didn't raise his head; he simply paused from his scribbling.

"She wanted to run a sample ASAP." Speed responded, his jaw clenching just a little.

"I know Speed… I know what happened to the boy." Horatio said quietly, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him.

He saw the walls come down as Speed bowed his head and set his hands apart on the desk.

"I don't understand H; I don't understand how a mother could leave her child to fend for himself in the midst of a Hurricane. Stephanie told me she found him under the bed unconscious; he's suffering from dehydration, she's back at the hospital now. She said he's in shock."

Speedle bit his lip, his face draining of colour as he swallowed hard.

"He could have died…She left him alone in a Hurricane. Bernstein's trying to locate her now; he said he'll get in touch with other states if he has too."

He tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling, that familiar sickness filling him. Horatio's hand clasped on his shoulder lightly. Tim squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

"He's safe now, whatever the outcome Stephanie will take care of him. We'll see to that, he'll be looked after." Horatio assured him.

Speedle swallowed heard and nodded, his hands on the back of his head.

"Speed, how the case going?"

"I have a surfer sucked up by a Hurricane and on the run from the Mob."

A small smile broke across their lips easing the tension.

"Why don't you tell me all about it?"

* * *

The locker room was cold, for some reason it always was. Maybe it had something to do with the fact it was located above the morgue, or maybe the city were too cheap to heat it. I rubbed my hands together before grabbing my locker and yanking it open.

The breath caught in my throat, my heart stopped beating for a second as I caught the scent of something familiar, so close I couldn't put my finger on it. Coldness seeped into my veins as I was hit by the panic. I began to quiver and shake; my eyes were wide as my body revelled in a host of familiar sensations. That smell, one from a life time ago…

_Trapped... It washed over me, clinging to every inch of my body as I wriggled and shivered. There was something hard pressing into my back as I struggled to keep my eyes open. Rough hands were all over me as I lay there immobile. My limbs were weak. The skirt was gone, it had disappeared somewhere between the bed and the kitchen. I didn't even know how I'd gotten here. I didn't remember who it was but the smell, I could smell the tangy aftershave, along with the taste of his salty sweat as his hand fastened on my panties. His voice gruff and sultry was ringing in my ears, and my own saying "Please… Please John…Don't."_

In minutes it was over, a ghost, as if it had never happened. It had, I knew that it had. I remembered the drinking, the kiss, the feel of him against me as he pulled me onto his lap. I remembered patches, glimpses of the event. The noise he made when he penetrated me, shivering in the aftermath, knowing something had happened but not what.

We'd been drinking, not just me, the both of us.

_Stand up Kate, push past it. Move on._

He was in no more control than I had been. I'd been stupid getting myself so drunk that I could be taken advantage of.

I could look him in the eyes and pretend it hadn't happened because I knew he didn't remember, it wasn't intentional. I had invited it, by being there and accepting that drink and then the next. John was a good man beneath it all. He'd been living in Ray's shadow too long; he didn't need to be living in mine.

I snatched up my bag and slammed the locker shut. The past was the past, it deserved to die there. There was no point dredging up old wounds. There wasn't a soul alive besides the two of us that knew the real reason I hated him.

* * *

Speed had spent far too much time around hospitals lately and here he was back at Angel of Mercy. The truth was he had no idea how he was going to play this one. He didn't deal with kids. That was left to Stephanie and her colleagues at social services, but this… this one was personal. It had been made personal because of Jessica.

God damn Jessica.

Stephanie was waiting for him outside of the private hospital room. She'd been standing guard over the young boy just in case. She couldn't stand the idea of the birth mother doing a snatch and grab just like she had the previous time before. Speedle knew the kid was safe while Stephanie stood vigil but just in case Autumn was also posted on the opposite side of the door, clad in street clothes and called in by Bernstein as a personal favour.

"He's awake." Stephanie greeted him with a warm smile as she spoke.

He noticed the smile didn't quite reach her eyes, he wondered if the job was beginning to take its toll on her.

"How's he holding up?" Tim asked quietly.

"I've broke the news to him. He hasn't spoken a word since we took him from the house. He just clings to his bear. You see that sometimes in children who have been severely traumatised." She paused, studying his forlorn expression as Speedle gazed through the window at the little boy curled up in the bed, his worn teddy bear nestled in his arms.

"He's going to need stability." Stephanie warned him. "It isn't going to be easy, he may act out, wet the bed, there's a whole range of ways his behaviour may manifest. The important ting is for you to assure him that you are not going to leave. I need to know if you're in this for the long run because I will not have Daniel abandoned or hurt again."

Speed pursed his lips together, his hands deep in his pockets as the kid sniffed, his eyes welling up with tears because he thought he'd been left alone again. Tim's heart was breaking; he could feel it physically hurting in his chest, as the emotions built up in the back of his throat.

"I'm in."

* * *

I glanced at the clock on the wall as the doorbell went for the second time. It was a little past eight in the evening and I was already exhausted. Stormy was curled up on the pile of cushions in the centre of the couch. He'd explored his new home before settling down for the night, along side me and the TV.

I rose to my feet irritable, clad in comfortable jogging bottoms and a white tank top. Bed time was a lot earlier for me since the accident and the shift I'd pulled had exhausted me both mentally and physically. I reached for the door handle frowning through the peep hole.

Tim already had a key so why on earth was he standing on my doorstep?

I released the lock and pulled open the door slowly.

"Are you ok?" I asked, taking in his weary expression with curiosity.

There was something wrong but I couldn't quite figure it out.

"We need to…" There was a small flurry of movement behind him, and suddenly a small head of unruly dark curls popped into view before darting back behind Tim.

I blinked, my lips parting in surprise as my gaze rose to Tim's guilty face.

"Do we need to talk?" I questioned, utterly bewildered.

Tim bit his bottom lip before nodding. A small hand appeared, clutching onto his jeans as he peered over his shoulder at something behind him.

His voice was soft, the lightest I'd ever heard it.

"It's ok, you can come out. Kate's really nice."

A tiny mop of almost black hair appeared from behind Tim's knees followed by a pair of the darkest and most intense eyes I'd ever seen on a child. Tim's hand was guiding him gently away from the shelter of his legs so I could get a decent look at him.

There were no words to explain how I was feeling; I was utterly speechless as Tim confirmed my immediate suspicion.

He glanced down at the little boy who was staring at his shoes as he scuffed them on the gravel, a tired looking teddy hanging from his free hand.

"Kate this is my son Daniel. Daniel… meet Kate."

_**

* * *

**_

This was initially planned for two chapters ahead but this chapter wrote itself. I didn't have half of this stuff planned lol.

_**Anyway I hope you enjoyed this, you'll be seeing Daniel's story in the next few chapters.**_

_Chey: it's the truth, that's how you feel in situations like that. It's awful but true, I hope you liked this chapter._

_Sneaky: lol I like the whole frustration thing, its true to her as a person, I would be so angry at myself because my body wasn't healing accordingly. I felt awful, I was set for them to have this lovely night where they reconnect and everything's all magical but that didn't happen. The last line just sprang to mind I could imagine her so weak and just thinking it. What did you think of this one?_

_Pip: lol you just learned it. What did you think? You'll find out how everything gets to this point with Daniel in the next chapter._

_BEG: I have to admit you're devoted and in all fairness you could have skipped out on this I would have understood. I' glad your doing a little better tho and keeping yourself as busy as you can. I appreciate this review very much. Lol I'm taking a cue from you with the whole love and relationship thing. Thanks for helping me out and for the wonderful review xxx._


	24. Chapter 24: Life Changes

Chapter Twenty Four: Life Changes

_You're not alone  
Together we stand  
I'll be by your side  
You know I'll take your hand_

_Keep holdin' on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through  
We'll make it through  
Just, stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you  
I'm here for you_

There's nothing you can say (Nothin' you can say)  
Nothing you can do (Nothin' you can do)  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth

_Avril Lavigne – Keep Holding On_

"_**Kate this is my son Daniel. Daniel… meet Kate."**_

There's a moment that comes every once in a while where you feel like the Earth suddenly stops spinning. When God throws you a curve ball and you have to decide whether play the game or simply duck out. Sometimes…

Sometimes you simply have to follow your heart.

I crouched down until my gaze was level with the small boy's. He ducked back behind Tim's legs, his onyx eyes peering at me from his shelter. His small fist curled around the seam of Tim's jeans, his tiny fingers clenching the material until his knuckles were white.

The boy wasn't shy as I originally thought, he was scared. In fact the more I analysed Daniel in the short space of time they'd been standing there the more I realized, that this went beyond fear, it was something deep-set, integrated into his being and etched on his soul. In short it was trauma.

"Do you like kitties?" I asked Daniel in a soft tone.

The question startled us both; I gave a kind smile wondering where on earth it had come from. Daniel's eyes were wide and cautious as he nodded slowly.

"Why don't you and your dad come in and you can play with Stormy." I said gently, rising to my feet, careful not to make any sudden movements.

The term "dad" felt alien on my tongue but in a way almost familiar too. I shook it off in time to watch Daniel's reaction to the suggestion.

Daniel's head rose towards his father, the look on his face questioning. I watched Tim's lips daw back into a grim smile as their eyes met. His eyes were that little boy's, his unruly dark hair, exactly the same. There was no mistaken that this was Tim's child.

There were questions, I had so many and yet they were meaningless. Right now all that mattered was Daniel.

"I don't mind it's up to you." He said quietly, his hand resting on the young boy's shoulder.

Daniel's lips parted, his eyes going wide as his bottom lip began to quiver.

"Will you come with me daddy?" he sniffed, looking terrified.

"Of course kiddo." He murmured before turning his head towards me. His gaze caught mine and I saw the pain that this was causing him, the grief in his heart ad the sorrow in his soul.

I pulled the door wide open, allowing both father and son to enter. Tim guided Daniel in front of him with a gentle movement. His body brushed against me momentarily. I could feel the tension wrought in each and every muscle. Every feeling and emotion was repressed within his nerve endings.

My hand caught his. My fingertips smoothing over the tanned skin. Tim hesitated for a second, allowing me to close the door firmly behind us before he squeezed my hand tightly and stepped in.

* * *

The aroma of lasagne lingered in the apartment as Michael Bernstein opened the door to his and Autumn's apartment with ease. It was late and he'd expected her to be in bed, or a least relaxing in front of the TV.

Stepping through the living room, he halted in the doorway of the kitchen watching her back as she scrubbed at the dishes with renewed vigour. She was up to her elbows in suds. Bon Jovi was playing from the c.d player, Bed of Roses serenading through the room.

Today… he thought, today had been awful. Finding that kid trapped underneath the bed had upset him in ways he didn't know the job still could. The hurricane had brought out the best and worst of people, and today he'd seen a side to Speedle he hadn't known the other man possessed.

He could not understand why someone would leave their four year old child to fend for themselves. It was unfair and unnatural of a mother to do that. The way things had unfolded had frightened him in a way. If it could happen to Speedle it could happen to anyone.

The kid was lucky enough that Speedle had stepped up to the plate straight away, he was lucky all around because he knew that there wasn't a chance in hell that Kate was going to turn him away, when Speedle broke the news to her.

The experience itself had been harrowing, watching Speedle rant, rave and kick things was disturbing but he knew what his friend needed to do. Learning the abuse his son had endured at his mother's hands had set the emotions running high for everyone involved and Bernstein had made it his personal duty to track the bitch down.

He'd done everything from tracking credit cards and phone records but she was notoriously hard to find especially out of state. He'd called in a few favours and was waiting to hear back from them. He knew he wouldn't get any news before morning neither from Speedle or his contacts so he'd decided to call it a day and come home to Autumn.

Autumn's brow was furrowed as she scrubbed the pan as hard as she could. He could tell she had something on her mind. His arms went around her waist lightly. His face buried in her hair as he held her close. She smelt like ocean, meaning she'd been for a run before he'd come home.

Just being here with her made him feel like everything was right in the world, like he'd found his place and he was truly at home. She had a way of making him unwind and relax without even knowing she was doing it.

"Hey, did you find her?" Autumn asked, leaning back into Bernstein's embrace.

Mike shook his head kissing her neck gently. He'd told her about the kid, he hadn't told her he was Speedle's but he'd given her the facts. She was compassionate and concerned, and he loved that about her. It wasn't even her case but she still had the capacity to care.

"I will though." He vowed.

He'd promised Speedle that he would. There wasn't a chance in hell he was going to let the other man down.

"You ok?" he questioned, resting his head on her shoulder. "You seem a little down."

"Yea…I just… It's stupid but I miss you." She told him, setting the last plate on the training board and unplugging the sink.

Mike frowned for a second perplexed. Autumn turned to face him, drying her hands on a hand towel.

"You see me everyday." He pointed out.

Autumn fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"We've seen each other for two minutes as one of us are going out of the door between shifts. I miss you." She raised her eyebrows as she spoke and he suddenly realized what she was really talking about.

He placed his hands on the work surface behind her, trapping her between it and him, their faces inches apart. Her eyes were wide with anticipation as he brushed his body against hers.

"Let me show you how much I have missed you." He whispered against her lips.

"Hm… I am not wearing any panties." She informed him as his hands trailed down her thighs lightly, thumbs caressing her soft skin through the skirt.

"You are dirty girl." He murmured capturing her lips with his.

The kiss was everything she had fantasized about over the last few hours and more. His lips were hot and sultry, his hand twisted in her hair, tugging it. She gasped into his mouth as his body pressed her against the work surface. His fingertips raked lightly across her scalp as he pulled her head back by her hair exposing her throat.

He pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth, a display of tenderness before his hand slid underneath her skirt. His fingertips traced linier patterns up her thigh, his nails scraping across the flesh. His lips descended on the curve of her neck, his teeth grazing the skin.

Autumn bucked underneath him as his fingers teased her outer lips, skimming across her wet core as his thumb applied pressure to her clit.

"You're wet already." He murmured into her ear, nipping at the lobe as she arched against him.

"I was thinking about you." She breathed.

"Tell me." He muttered against her cheek as he slipped two fingers deep into her moistness.

"I wanted you to do this. I wanted your hands all over me as you fucked me on the kitchen table. Your mouth on my breasts grabbing my ass as you fuck me." She groaned, her hand gliding across the front of his trousers.

She rubbed his erection through the material before unzipping him. The breath caught in Michael's throat as her long slim fingers bypassed his underwear and curled around his hard shaft.

"I want to bend you over the table and screw you until your screaming my name, baby." His rich voice sent shivers up her spine as his fingers picked up the pace hitting her right in her sweet spot.

"Michael." His name left her lips, it sounded like music in his ears.

Her hand was massaging him from top to bottom, her thumb rubbing across the tip of his cock causing him to jerk under her ministrations. His free hand slipped up the white Bon Jovi t-shirt, up across her flat smooth stomach. She wasn't wearing a bra and that sent another thrill through him. His hand cupped her breast, his thumb rubbing at her nipple as she rode his fingers.

Her skin was flushed with exertion; her breath was ragged as she clutched him tightly, her hand working him into a frenzy. He couldn't hold out for much longer. It had been two weeks since he'd been inside her and he was desperate and yearning.

He pulled his hand out of her suddenly, leaving her wanting and stunned. He was already snatching her hand and leading her towards the bed room.

The clothes were off before they made it to the bed, her body was wondrous, his hands roamed everywhere his mouth following suit. Her hands ran over his muscled arms, tracing the outline of the tribal tattoo etched into his bicep and across the left side of his chest.

The Egyptian cotton felt luxurious against his skin as he pulled Autumn on top of him. Her silky skin pressed against his as she rose up above him. He could see everything; her hands caressed his chest, smoothing over his rippling muscles as she hovered above him, her wetness rubbing against the tip of his cock. She teased him until he couldn't take it anymore.

Michael's hands were biting into her hips as he thrust into her. He cried out, she was so tight and wet he knew he wasn't going to last long and every movement she made was driving him closer to the edge.

Her moans were driving him crazy. His hands massaged her breasts, palming her nipples as he fucked her. He felt her begin to tighten around him, he rode him, faster, harder until suddenly she screamed his name. Her nails raked across his chest pushing him over the edge as he felt his own powerful release take over his body. His body writhed beneath her; jerking until he lay still and spent. Autumn removed herself from him before curling up against his side, her head resting on his shoulder. Michael's arm wrapped around her, drawing her closer to him. His lips brushed her forehead as he sighed contently.

"I love you babe." He murmured, closing his eyes as she shifted against him.

"Michael?" there was something in her voice, a slight tremble.

His eyes flicked open, his grip on her becoming tighter at the tone she used.

"Autumn?" he questioned, his hand stroking her hair lightly,

"Michael, I'm pregnant."

He froze, she felt his body suddenly go rigid beside her and then suddenly he was moving again. She turned on her side, watching him wordlessly as he hoisted himself into a sitting position on the edge of the bed.

Her eyes with burning with tears, she hadn't expected him to react this way. He was pulling on his boxers now, she was even more surprised when he scooped up his shirt from the floor and tossed it to her.

"Get dressed." He demanded, already stepping into his trousers.

Autumn sat up, clutching the duvet to her chest, her eyes wide. She felt sick, utterly and totally frightened as he took one of the black t-shirts from the top drawer of the dresser and pulled it on.

"You're kicking me out?" she exclaimed, finally finding her voice.

Michael turned around to face her, his expression one of shock and perplexity.

"No… I'm asking you to get dressed." He informed her. "I'd rather have this conversation with our clothes on because seeing you naked…" he pointed at the crouch area of his trousers.

Autumn's gaze followed suit, her cheeks flushing red as she realized what he was talking about.

"It's distracting." He reassured her, before rubbing his hand over his head.

Autumn slipped out of the bed, pulling on the shirt and slipping back into her panties. Michael was in front of her now, his eyes on her face as his hand rested on her stomach.

"How long?" he questioned, she already knew what he was asking.

"This morning… I took a test and went to the Doctors. He said it just over two months." She replied, watching as he closed his eyes.

She could tell he was backtracking over the dates trying to find a suitable conception time.

"It was the night we were christening the apartment." She informed him, looking away towards the door. "I forgot to get the morning after pill because my shift rota had changed and we were running to and from Kate's all the time when she was sick."

There was a silence between them.

"Do you want this baby?" he asked, looking her straight in the eye.

"Do you?" she responded, not flinching under the weight of his gaze.

"I wouldn't let you get rid of it; I know you could never live with yourself if you did." He told her.

"What about you? Could you live with it?"

Michael shook his head, staring at her stomach in wonderment.

"That's my baby growing in there." He murmured. "Our baby."

He leaned in, his lips caressing hers chastely before he pulled away.

"I need to go out for a little while, I need to clear my head, and think about things." he said softly, his hand was massaging her stomach absented minded.

"You'll come back?" she asked, sounding childlike.

He could see the fear in her eyes, she was scared, and he was too. His arms looped around her waist drawing her into a tight embrace his cheek pressed against hers.

"I'll never leave you." He whispered into her hair lovingly. "I'll always be here for you and our baby."

Autumn melted against him, her knees going weak at the sound of his voice.

"I won't be long." He said withdrawing. "I'll be back at most in a few hours."

"Where are you going?" she asked, as he scooped up his keys and headed for the door.

"I need to talk to a friend." And with one last look he was gone.

* * *

As it turned out Daniel apparently liked cats, he also liked the Discovery Channel and the thick flannel blanket that was currently draped over his tiny body. He was nestled on the couch, his dark curls barely showing over the top of the red and yellow blanket. That damn cat had curled up right against his stomach; it had practically adopted Daniel as soon as he stepped into the house.

The resemblance between the two of them was frightening; there was no question in his mind that this was his son. From the dark, unruly hair, to the uncanny ability to remember as many facts as possible. He even had the same withdrawn expression that graced Tim's own features when he was brooding.

He was leaning in the archway that connected Kate's kitchen to the living room, his eyes intent on the child. He was terrified to let this son out of his sight for fear of Jessica snatching him again. He would not let her drag Daniel back to that life, he would not let her scar his child again, not the way she already had. He wanted to erase those memories, make his child forget that she'd even existed because for every moment that Daniel remembered his mother and her betrayal it was another moment that he felt frightened, and alone. Tim wanted to make sure that Daniel never felt that way again.

Daniel was sleeping now; his dark eyelashes had been fluttering on his pale skin as he'd watched the show on Dolphins communicating underwater. It was odd to stand there and watch over his son. The term seemed to roll off his tongue and felt strangely comfortable.

He felt Kate's presence behind him, it was reassuring. He knew he owed her an explanation, but he was anxious. Having a child bestowed on them after losing one of their own was complicated and he wasn't sure how his would change things between them.

Kate cleared her throat behind him; he tilted his head and caught sight of the steaming mug of tea she was holding out towards him. He took it from her gratefully, cupped it between his hands for warmth. He chanced a look at Kate's face, her expression neutral as her gaze rested on the sleeping boy. He wondered what was running through her mind.

"You can both stay the night."

Her words surprised him. He jerked his head towards her; her face was still focused on Daniel as she took a sip of her own tea.

"I didn't know…" he whispered.

"You would have told me?" she asked quietly finally twisting to face him.

Her eyes were wide; he could see the conflict in her features as she met his gaze.

"You know I would." He reminded her gently.

"Your place is a mess; you and Daniel should stay here. He likes the cat." She said looking away.

Speedle pursed his lips together, setting his mug down on the table and crossing his arms over his chest.

There was a tense silence between them before Kate took another sip from her mug.

"So…He looks just like you, he even does the broody, sulky thing you do." She gestured towards her face with a small smile.

"You noticed that too?" Tim chuckled.

They glanced at each other breaking into wider smiles.

"I bet this has completely blown your mind right?" she queried, shaking her head, her eyes wide with amazement as she set her own mug down on the table.

"You have no idea. It's like my world got turned upside down all over again. I was staring at this kid who looks just like me. I'm pretty sure he's exactly the same as I was at four. It's something amazing but so terrible all at once." He tried to explain.

"You feel overwhelmed? You like having control of a situation but this is completely out of your hands."

"Yea." He responded, surprised how she managed to interoperate his feelings into words.

"It's ok to feel like that, you've been dumped in the deep end here."

"I chose it," he admitted, "They asked if I was prepared to take him."

"I think you made the right decision. The system can be brutal to children at least here we know he has a nice home, a loving family and anything else he needs."

"A family?" Tim questioned quietly, his eyes roaming to meet Kate's.

She reached out and took his hand

"I'm here for you and for him until you say otherwise." She searched his eyes. "You thought I was going to leave." She stated

"I thought it was too much asking you to take on my son after our own child died." He explained as Kate's hands came to rest on his hips. He was shocked, this was the first time she'd touched him in weeks.

"It's unfair for Daniel to be shunned because of something we had no control over. It's not his fault just like it wasn't ours." She reassured him.

She was leaning in now, her arms wrapped around his waist tentatively, drawing him closer and into a warm embrace. He buried his noise in her hair, inhaling the scent of her Herbal Essences Shampoo, savouring the feel of her body against his.

It had been a long-time since she'd let him hold her like this, and by God he needed to feel the comfort she always gave him. The tension began to unwind within his muscles. The fear she was going to leave him ebbing away as they stood there transfixed in there moment.

Daniel cried out suddenly, the two of them broke apart. Tim was already striding towards his son, the little boy was still sleeping but his whole body quaked in terror as he repeated one word over and over again.

"Mommy."

Kate was by his side, smoothing the hair away from the child's clammy forehead as Tim hold of his hand.

"Shh it's alright Daniel. I'm right here." his voice was calm. It seemed to sooth the anxious child.

The blanket had become twisted around Daniel in his sleep. Tim tugged at it gently to free the little boy of his entrapment.

"They said this might happen." He murmured to Kate, his eyes straying to Daniel's peaceful face.

"They said to expect nightmares, lashing out, bed wetting…" he trailed off, his mouth clamping shut.

"We have mattress protectors." Kate added after a few moments of silence.

She could see the rage and pain whipping through him like a tornado, he wanted so badly to lash out, shout, scream, punch something, but he was well restrained. It was painful to watch him stifle all of that.

"Why don't you take Daniel up to bed? Settle him down and we can talk." She offered quietly.

Tim bowed his head, his jaw clenching before nodding his agreement. The two of them rose to their feet. Kate's hand caught his, her fingers clasping it lightly.

"It will be ok Tim." She told him firmly.

His eyes met her so dark and intense it made her feel dizzy.

There was a knock on the door that spared him from replying. Kate was already moving in its direction as he pulled the blanket off the sleeping child's body and picked him up. He hadn't thought that children could be so light. The boy weighed nothing in his arms. Daniel's head lolled on his chest, his soft cheek resting against his heart. He was frightened that the heavy pounding of his heart may wake the boy, but Daniel didn't stir. There was something in his chest, an over whelming sense of warmth flooded through him as he stared down at the fragile boy in his arms. Even without the DNA test he would have known that this was his son.

* * *

The lights in the house were on in the house, a good sign Bernstein thought as he shut off the engine and climbed out of the convertible. He sighed, his hand caressing the gleaming paint work, before he closed the door. He was going to miss his baby. Trading her in for something child friendly was going to kill him.

He hovered before reaching the door way, a million things running through his mind. Was this the right time? He considered. Speedle's world had been tipped upside down in the last twenty four hours, was it fair to burden him with more?

Bernstein already knew the answer to that, he'd seen the way the other man had responded, the way he'd stepped up to the plate without a second thought. He needed that, he needed Speed's rationality and his calm, because he was sure he couldn't do this.

He was afraid, so very afraid of how his life would turn out, of being trapped like his father had been all those years ago. He knew Autumn wasn't a money grabber. She hadn't known about his heritage until after they'd moved in together, and even then she hadn't cared. She knew he didn't have the slightest intention of dipping into his trust fund any time soon and she still stayed with him.

Despite his parting words to her, he was frightened. He enjoyed bachelorhood, he liked his convertible, he loved the hot sex and the awesome apartment. In short he loved the freedom. Even when he was with Autumn he never felt trapped, there was always a get out clause if he ever needed one, but now with a baby on the way…

There was no way out.

The door opened, surprising him out of his thoughts. Kate was standing there, her arms crossed over her chest, her expression one of upmost surprise.

"Mike… This isn't really a good time." She informed him.

Bernstein caught sight of Speedle in the back ground, his sullen features softening as he regarded the small child he held in his arms with wonderment. He saw the amazed expression on the other man's features as he lovingly brushed Daniel's forehead with his lips. Kate leaned against the doorway, clearing her throat, snapping both Tim and Bernstein out of the moment.

"Mike's here to see you." She stated with a deep sigh.

He knew he was interrupting but he couldn't help that. Kate would always be there, when Speed needed her she was there always on the sidelines but Bernstein needed to know if that could be him, if he could be the one that Autumn could always turn to, because right now he was freaking out.

"We need to talk…Just for a minute." He added for Kate's benefit.

"If this is about Daniel…" She started, Bernstein held up a hand to quiet her.

"I would tell you both, but this has nothing to do with you." He said bluntly.

Kate raised her eyebrows before holding the door open and allowing him to step into the house.

"I'll be down in a minute; I'm just putting him to bed." Speedle spoke above a hushed whisper.

His intense brown eyes met Bernstein's and for a millisecond, he thought he saw joy in them.

"Take all the time you need." Bernstein responded.

He was watching how close Speedle cradled the boy, how protective he was, and how much his love for the child shone through everything creating a small beacon of hope in Bernstein's chest.

* * *

Kate's living room was warm and homely. The TV was on in the background, the blanket he'd come accustomed to seeing her huddle under when she was sick, strewn over the couch. She wasn't impressed and he couldn't get up the nerve to even speak to her. He knew as soon as he spoke, the words would come spilling out of his mouth, and Kate would not be able to understand. Losing her own baby had seen to that.

She was staring at him now, her arms wrapped around herself as she studied him intently.

"You're nervous about something." She stated in a cautious tone of voice.

He shook his head.

"You're clenching your fists so tightly your knuckles have gone white." She informed him.

Bernstein looked down at his hands to see Kate was indeed correct, which intimidated him even more.

"So you've either done something or you planning to." She prompted.

Bernstein clamped his mouth shut and narrowed his eyes.

"Stop interrogated him; he's here to see me. I swear you can be a pit-bull when you wanna be." Tim told her, ruffling her hair playfully.

Kate pulled a face before retreating into the kitchen, to do what he wasn't sure.

"She seems to be taking it well." Bernstein observed once she'd left the room.

Tim settled himself on the couch before responding.

"Once the initial shock was over, she just took to him." Tim told the other man. "We haven't… I haven't told her everything yet but we'll see how it goes.

Speedle trailed off, running his hand through his hair before turning his attention back to Bernstein.

"You wanna tell me why you turned up here in the dead of night?" Speedle requested bluntly.

"It's eleven thirty." Bernstein stated, checking his watch.

Tim crossed his arms over his chest and simply looked at the other man, a no nonsense expression on his face.

Bernstein gave in, putting his head in his hands for a brief moment of reprieve.

"I didn't want to tell Kate because I didn't want to upset her." Bernstein glanced up at the other man, his hands now over his mouth.

Speed's expression hadn't changed and he was met with a stony silence.

"Autumn is pregnant."

More silence.

"And I don't know what to do. I mean I am going to lose everything because of this stupid mistake." He growled in frustration. "I never wanted to be a father; I never wanted to fall into a relationship like this. I just want to go back in time where the only things I had to sorry about were my car and the perps."

"So what? Your just going to leave her? Alone and pregnant with your kid while you do what?" Speed questioned.

"I could leave the state. Go live somewhere else. I mean I could probably pack while she's at work, leave her a little money and go…"

"Shut up." Tim cut him off rising to his feet.

Bernstein opened his mouth to speak, Speedle jabbed a finger at him, his face distorted in rage.

"Shut up, you selfish asshole, just shut up."

Speedle was pacing now, walking up and down the laminate flooring, his boots clacking against the wood.

"You come here, telling me you're going to leave your girlfriend, one of our friends while she's pregnant with your baby? Do you know how vulnerable she is? Do you realize how terrifying being pregnant actually is for a woman especially when you're facing it alone!" Speedle exploded, rubbing the back of his hand across his mouth.

"How could you? You're a fucking selfish bastard Bernstein, I swear to God if you run, I will hunt you down and lay a smack down on your ass before taping the child support payments to your forehead you stupid shit."

Bernstein was on his feet, anger flushing through him.

"You have no right to speak to me like that Speedle; you don't have a fucking clue what it's like!" Bernstein spat before heading for the door, his hand resting on the handle as Speedle spoke again.

"You feel trapped right? Like you don't have any control, the situations out of your hands and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. You can't ask her for an abortion because in your heart you know that although it's happened a little too soon, this is what you want, this is what you've always wanted. You're terrified about what other people are going to think and whether you can be what that child needs." Tim called out, his voice softer now.

Bernstein froze, glancing over his shoulder, his eyes trained on Speedle.

"Your mom is always telling you to stand up and be a man, I think now might be the time to do just that Michael. Be the man your father wasn't. Be there for her and that child." Speed's eyes were full of fierceness.

Bernstein tipped his head back and sighed.

"It's not easy, it's never going to be easy but you will be a good father. I believe in that as much as I know Autumn will be the best mother that child can have. You love her Mike, don't let her down… Not the way I did Kate."

The guilt was still there in the other man's heart. Something that Mike knew would never fade away. Kate had been alone when she found out she was pregnant, alone when the baby had died. Speedle was hoping to save him from that because it would be torture knowing that something had happened to Autumn or that child. If he left it would be because he was lying to himself. He loved Autumn and underneath all the terror that plagued him, he could feel the beginnings of a connection to that baby.

"I'm terrified…" the words slipped out as he turned to face Speed, the only other person he would admit that too.

"Welcome to the big leagues. Trust me you are not alone." Speed uttered pointedly, clasping the other man's shoulder

"I should go home she's probably freaking out, because she knows I'm freaking out." The realization dawned on him as his mind cleared; he met Speedle's eyes as the other man crossed his arms over his chest.

"I owe you man." Bernstein said simply, his hand reaching for the door handle.

"You take care of her and that baby." Was Speedle's reply as he watched the other man take off into the night before shutting the door behind him.

* * *

The house was dark, the only light shone from her bed room. He could see her in the window as she massaged the space between her eyes with her finger tips. She was stressed; he understood that, he remembered her tension headaches. She stepped away from the window drawing her curtains, shutting him out. It drove him crazy when she did that.

She shouldn't be shutting him out, not with their history.

The Hummer was still in the driveway, it looked like Speedle was staying the night.

The light shining through the bedroom window changed, it was dimmer, mood lighting, he guessed. Another prop for Speedle to seduce her with.

His hands twisted on the steering wheel, gripping it until the skin of his knuckles tightened and went white.

He hated the thought of that bastard touching his Kate, he imaged his hands on her smoothing over her silky skin. The wicked smile etched upon her face as she moaned his name.

He was grinding his teeth now, all those images coursing through his head, making the blood in his veins ripe with heat. He wanted to tear that bastard apart for what he'd done to Kate.

Tim Speedle had almost let her die.

The Crime Scene photographs still staunch in his mind, even a year on. The blood, he'd seen it so many times at different scenes, but it made him sick to think of it as Kate's.

He'd been in rehab at the time. His sponsor had warned him to stay away from Kate, she was his catalyst, his dependence relied on her. His sponsor didn't understand, none of them did. He could never stay away, not now. She needed protection, someone to watch over her like a guardian angel waiting into the night.

Speedle was inadequate, he'd seen that when Kate had been shoved of the fire escape by Cruz. He couldn't believe he'd ever trusted the other man to take care of her while he was away.

He hated Tim "Speed" Speedle with a passion that rivalled no other and just knowing that he was up there with Kate…

It made him wanna kill something.

* * *

Bernstein was surprised to find Autumn still awake when he entered their shared apartment. It was a little past one by the time he'd made it back. She was sitting on the couch, still clad in his shirt and his jogging pants from the academy. Her feet were resting on the coffee table; in her hands was the latest Celebrity magazine.

"Hey." He said softly as he shut the door behind him.

She raised her hand and gave him a tiny finger wave. He could see she was tired, her chin was resting on her free hand as she tilted her head towards him.

"You should be in bed." He murmured, crouching down beside the couch to kiss her lips with a tenderness he felt deep within his heart.

Autumn buried her face in the crook of his neck, drawing him into a light embrace.

"I wanted to make sure you were ok." She told him.

His hand crept across her belly and rested on her smooth stomach.

"We are fine." He said drawing back so she could see his smile.

"We are?" she queried pointedly.

Mike rubbed his hand over the place where they're child resided.

"I was thinking we're probably going to have to get a bigger place with the baby on the way." He said, raising his eyebrows. "And you'll need to be relieved of duty."

"I am not quitting my job." She stated firmly, her face still inches from his.

"I am not asking you to, I'm just asking you to kick back behind a desk for a few months until after the baby is born. Then you can go back to work if you want to." He said, pressing his lips to her throat.

"You are so not using that against me." She murmured, her body arching against him.

"No I am not…Just think about it." He whispered, resting his forehead against hers.

"I am having a baby." She said as if she couldn't really believe it.

Her eyes closed, her voice sleepy as she spoke. Bernstein's grip tightened on her, as a wide smile broke across his face.

"We are having a baby."

* * *

They were standing in the bedroom on opposite sides of the bed. Tim was toeing off his shoes as Kate tied back her hair in her usual messy bun. He watched as her fingers skated down to the bottom of her tank top, she pulled it off over her head leaving her chest open to his view. The scar wasn't as bad as he'd expected, one straight line from the centre of her breasts down to her belly button. It was a brownish red, it stood out against her pale skin as she reached for the light, lilac nightdress and pulled it over her head, letting it flutter around her thighs before stepping out of her yoga pants.

Kate, feeling his gaze upon her looked up startled out of her own thoughts to catch him staring. Tim ducked his head away and focused on undoing his own buttons before stripping the shirt from his muscular shoulders.

"What?" Kate asked abruptly, looking confused and weary.

Tim yanked on the black t-shirt he wore to bed and started to undo his jeans.

"Nothing." He told her, taking them off. "It's just the first time you've been able to get changed in front of me without scurrying off into the bathroom."

There was a silence after that, an awkward one, where he wondered if he'd said the wrong thing, and sent them backtracking another year.

"Oh." She murmured finally looking down at her hands. "I guess there are just more important things to worry about now."

Tim exhaled deeply as he pulled his pj bottoms up his legs and over his boxers and tied the draw string.

Kate was already in bed, when he pulled back the covers and slipped in next to her. The space between them felt huge, the same way it had for the past few weeks. He put his hand over his eyes shielding them from view as he let the emotions flood him for the first time since he'd gotten caught up in this whole saga.

He couldn't imagine what it must have felt like for Daniel to be trapped all alone under that bed crying for his mother as hurricane winds whipped through the house. It was unbearable; the sensation in his chest was crushing him. His throat was burning and his eyes were stinging as he tried to hold it al back.

"Are you crying?" Kate's voice exclaimed from her side of the bed.

Tim shook his head miserably before rolling onto his side and pressing his knuckles to his mouth to stifle the noise. Tears were leaking down his cheeks now, his body aching at the force inside him.

Kate was shuffling up behind him. He heard the rustle of silk on the bed sheets before her warm body pressed up against his own. She curled around his huddled form. Her arm around his waist tugging him to her as she rested her head in the crook of his neck.

"It's ok." She whispered. "I'm here."

Just feeling her there around him was enough to break his resolve. His body began to shake and quiver as his walls broke down, all the pain and fear rushing up to greet him. He drowned in it. He was sobbing so hard he couldn't breath; his face was soaked with the salty teardrops pouring from his eyes. His chest was aching from the sheer force of each and every sob that wracked him. He knew that it would never be enough, he could never take away Daniel's pain, the trauma the little boy had suffered was too much what was he thinking? He was going to hurt the poor kid some more.

"I can't do this." He told her through grinding teeth. "I can't be his father. He needs more than I have."

"Yes you can. You will be a wonderful father Tim. You'll make him feel loved and wanted, I know you can. You will be a wonderful father Tim. You'll make him feel loved and wanted, and he needs you right now. He needs you to be strong and take care of him because he's scared." Kate murmured, her lips placing gentle kisses on his shoulder blade and neck as she spoke.

They were light and soothing, her presence itself was a comfort, and he found himself rolling on his back, his face tilted up towards her unashamed. Kate gave him a small smile before reaching out with her fingertips to brush the tears from his face. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as her hand cupped his cheek before exhaling.

"I can't do this on my own." He told her. "I can't… I don't know how."

"You'll learn, we both will." She said kindly, lacing her fingers in his. "I love you Tim, I can't leave you."

He used his free hand to wipe the remaining tears from his face before rolling on his side and facing Kate, his arm propped on the pillow.

"I guess you should know how we ended up with a son." He told her.

Kate gave him a ghost of a smile before resting her head back on her pillow.

"That would be a start."

Kate's hand was resting on his side; she was tracing patterns under the hem of his t-shirt. He found that soothing, something he had missed. He rested his head on pillow along side hers, their eyes were on each others. Ebony on emerald as he began to talk.

"His mom's called Jessica. We met five years ago in a bar." He paused as her fingers trailed up his side, following the line of his ribs.

It had been an age since she'd touched him with such care and he relished it.

"We…uh…it was a one night stand. I don't remember much of the actual event but I remember being pretty sure we used a condom. If I'm gonna be honest I carried them but I wasn't really playing safe around that time." He shook his head, deep in thought. "I was in a destructive spiral, everything was shit, me and Delko were hitting bars every single night… it was bad. I was awful back then."

"Did you…Didn't she ever tell you?" Kate questioned.

Tim twisted onto his back, his eyes staring at the ceiling so he wouldn't have to see the expression on his lover's face.

"She came to me when she was pregnant. She wanted money to get rid of it. I didn't have it. Eric told me that Jessica was known for stuff like that, duping guys with that sob story. She fucked a lot of guys; I mean we'd seen her before that going home with different guys. When you're in that circuit for a while you get to know the regulars, and she was definitely a regular." Tim rubbed his hand over his eyes. "I didn't even think she was pregnant. I told her to come back when she could get a paternity test. When she didn't come back, I thought I must have dodged a bullet."

The shame was simmering in his voice as he pursed his lips together, mad at himself. e shuld have been more reposnsible, he chould have been there, done more.

He should have been responsible, he should have been there, done more. He could have taken Daniel and proved Jessica unfit four years ago before any of this had ever happened. Even then he knew that that wouldn't have happened. He'd been in a bad place back then, a selfish one. He'd been in no fit state to take care of a child.

"The worst part is I haven't thought about Jessica in over four years. I didn't even know her last name until yesterday and now…" he twisted his head towards Kate looking pained. "I know more about her than I ever cared to. When he was eighteen months old, she left him alone, locked in a car while she drunk herself into oblivion in a bar. When he was three she left him for over twenty four hours in the house alone. Social service intervened when a neighbour heard him crying, she had to break into the house to get to him."

He paused, he was trying to collect himself and his thoughts, it was hard to talk about Jessica's actions, because it was impossible to step back and pretend it hadn't happened to his son.

"She's out of state, the rescue crew found him unconscious under the bed."

The sentence spoke volumes, it made him sick inside and from the sound of Kate's gasp he knew she was the same.

"She left her four year old son to fend for himself in the middle of Hurricane season…" he was staring at his hands now.

"The custody got handed over to her sister but apparently she'd had enough. She was sick of him being given back to Jessica; she thought it would be better if he came to live with me." His eyes focused on Kate's. "My name was on his birth certificate, the case came across Stephanie's desk and you know the rest."

There was silence between the two of them as they lay there separately trying to let his words sink in.

"We're going to be getting visited by social worker; they're going to check out our residences. They're going to look into us, our pasts, our friends and if Jessica contests me, there will be a court case. I'm telling you because… this is your chance to decide what you want. The family you want is right here, but if you want it we are going to have to fight for it." He told her, turning his head so he could look at her face.

"I can fight." She informed him, her hand creeping down under the covers to take his.

Kate took his arm and surprised him by turning on her side, wrapping his body around her and shuffling backwards until his chest was pressed against her back. His arm was wrapped around her, cradling her to him, underneath his palm he could feel her heart beating.

"You're not sleeping on your back." He murmured into her ear nuzzling her neck.

She sighed contently huddling against him.

"I thought I'd try something different. Things are changing so fast I feel like I should change with them. I can't be scared anymore, it's unhealthy." She mumbled lightly, he could tell she was starting to drift off to sleep.

He pressed a kiss just below her ear.

"Is this the new mature Kate Callahan?" he asked.

"This is Kate with a twist. She's not scared of anything except for spiders and remember that movie The Blob? Well that too, which incidentally is one of the many reasons I keep a mini fire extinguisher in the kitchen. I mean I don't think it can climb stairs..." Her eyes snapped open before she glanced at the door.

"You don't think it can do you…"

Tim couldn't hide the chuckle that escaped him as he buried his face in her hair.

"Stop scaring yourself, close your eyes and go to sleep." he whispered in her ear, his grip tightening around her. "I won't let it get you."

"Good." She murmured.

Her body relaxing as she slipped into a dreamless sleep. Exhausted by the events of the day it wasn't long before Tim followed suit.

* * *

It was Tim's voice that woke me; it was soft as if he was trying to keep quiet. I was lying on my stomach, something I hadn't done in over a year. The thought bypassed me as I spread my hand out to the place where Tim lay. It was empty, the sheets still warm. I raised my head and turned over. My eyes were still blurry from sleep; the room was dark, save from the dim lamp light on Tim's side of the bed. I sat, up rubbing the sleep from my eyes, as the whispering stopped my eyes finally fell on the door.

Daniel was looking back at me, tears glistening in his tiny dark eyes as his bottom lip began to quiver. He was clutching the worn bear to his chest, looking so vulnerable my heart began to break. My eyes switched to Tim, who was on his knees, head bent close to Daniel's subdued face.

"Are you ok?" I asked them both pulling the covers back and raising to my feet.

I snatched up the navy blue, housecoat off the laundry pile and wound it around myself as I stepped towards them. The smell of urine hit me as I moved across the room; my eyes fell to the dampness on Daniel's blue Spiderman Pyjama bottoms. He pressed his teddy bear to his mouth, lowering his eyes as I neared.

"Daniel just had an accident." Tim said quietly, his hand resting on the child's shoulder.

"Don't worry buddy it happens." Tim murmured, his gaze back on Daniel, tears were sliding down his cheeks as he buried his face in his teddy bear.

The kid apparently knew humiliation at age four; something told me that Jessica hadn't been as nice as Tim was about the whole wetting the bed scenario.

"Why don't, you go help Daniel clean up, and I will sort out the bedding." I offered, suddenly feeling more awake and alert.

"I… Shower and clean clothes?"

I'd forgotten Tim hadn't had much experience with children, in fact I doubted he had any. This was entirely new for him, which is where I stepped in.

"He doesn't have anymore pyjamas." I informed Tim.

Before I'd followed Tim upstairs after Bernstein's visit, I'd taken the chance to have a peek through Daniel's back pack. He didn't have much of anything, just some underwear, socks and a spare t-shirt and jeans. There was a tattered Roald Dahl book and some colouring pencils and paper.

"There's an AC/DC t-shirt in the top drawer of my dresser, it's small so it'll probably fit him better than anything you have. There's some underwear in his backpack. I'll grab it in a sec for you." I told Tim.

"Do I stay in the bathroom with him or…" he was looking at me at a loss.

"Stay in the bathroom with him, but pull the shower curtain over a little to give him some privacy. He may need you to help a little and that's ok." I said, knowing what was going through his mind.

Tim took a deep breath, rising to his feet, and nodding in determination as his hand rested on Daniel's back.

"Come on kiddo, it's time to get you freshened up. Kate has some really nice towels their all soft and fluffy on your skin. I'm sure Mr Bear would like them too." Tim tried, leading Daniel to our en suite.

"His name is Ronald." Daniel said quietly as Tim held the bathroom door open for him.

"Well I think its best Mr…Ronald." Tim corrected. "Waited on the sink for you, I don't think he'd like water much."

He shot me an anxious look, before closing the door behind him. I stepped out onto the landing, making a beeline for the stairs so I could get Daniel's back pack. Upon picking it up I remembered how devoid it really was of anything substantial. I sighed, hoisting it onto my shoulder.

Tomorrow I was determined to find away to make Daniel feel at home.

* * *

The lamp was on in the spare bedroom, casting my shadow across the floor as I lingered in the doorway, smiling at the sight before me.

Daniel was curled up under the fresh sheets, Ronald the Bear wrapped in a green, plush hand towel cuddled to his chest. Ronald had apparently taken a tumble into the bath and Daniel could not sleep without him. The tiny boy's face was half hidden underneath the quilt as he slept peacefully.

His forehead rested on Tim's shoulder as the older of the two Speedle's stubbly cheek rested on his son's head. He'd fallen asleep, book in hand in an inclined position. His head propped up by the pillows he'd been leaning on to read to Daniel.

The image was endearing, big, bad Tim Speedle cuddled up to his son as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Daniel moaned in his sleep before scooting closer into Tim's warm body.

I took a step backwards out of the room and shut the door behind me lightly. Tim's paternal instincts were already taking over and seeing it in person was extraordinary.

It couldn't stay like this forever I knew that, but right now it could and when it did come crashing down I would be there. I would gather all the tools I could so we could fight against it, because at some point Jessica was going to come back.

_**Hey peeps, I'd like to say a little thanks to BEG for listening to me ramble about ideas and for helping me out a lot with this chapter.**_

_**Only two reviews, am I losing my touch?**_

_**Let me know what you think.**_

_Pip: lol as you see in this chapter, it's not really something he did on purpose. Lol I think Kate expects a lot sometimes from herself and Tim, they aren't even having sex again so trying for a baby is a little obsolete. The think about Kate is she has an amazing capacity to love, and I think in some respect Speed knows that. Lol what did you think of her reaction. The next chapter she goes into over drive._

_BEG: lol I miss Speed so. lol Hagen gives me the evil shivers up the spine thing, he just is so creepy. We'll see where the whole Hagen thing leads I have plans but it's just waiting to see what happens. There's less focus on herself now and more on Daniel. Lol I am hoping they'll become a family too. Lol thank you for your comments about Yelina, she is hard to write lol, esp with Kate in the area. Thanks for the review._


	25. Chapter 25: World On Fire

Chapter Twenty Five: World On Fire

_Hearts are worn in these dark ages  
You're not alone in this story's pages  
Night has fallen amongst the living and the dying  
And I try to hold it in, yeah I try to hold it in_

_  
The world's on fire and  
It's more than I can handle_

_Sarah McLachlan – World On Fire_

He was holding me down, just like before, his hands on my shoulders pinning me to the mattress. The springs were digging into my back; I could feel them scratching my flesh through the thin layer. My head was tilted so I could see the curve of the ceiling as it met the wall, the curl of the dull green wall paper, peeling from it and then darkness because I was screwing up my eyes so tightly, I wanted to die. My body was buckling underneath his large frame, out of my control as he thrust into me. He was gentle at first, his face above mine, watching as he drove into me. He wasn't listening, I was talking but he wasn't listening.

There were words, every variation of "no" I could think of. Don't, please no, stop, but he carried on, just jutting ins and out. His moist breath was on my neck, the sweat dripping onto my naked torso as it rolled off his back. His chest was slick with it, his flesh burning hot against my own pale hue.

There was pain, all sorts of pain from the bruises that would mar my shoulders for weeks to come to the searing ache between my legs, and the stabbing sensation deep inside.

The noise he made knocked me sick. Deep ragged breathing, gravelly, attuned to his throat only. The name calling, him telling me how much I wanted it, how much I needed his cock inside me. I felt the tears, and I was sure he did too, because they trailed down my cheeks and onto the back of his neck, as his mouth sucked at my throat.

I wondered if he knew how lucky he was. Lucky that he hadn't been killed when Sully had found me the next day, huddled in the shower, my skin red raw, the hicky on my neck, the bruising on my shoulders.

The only thing that had saved him was the fact I'd kept my mouth shut and hell there were times when I had wished that I'd simply spoken up because then I wouldn't have to deal with this, I wouldn't have to feel the bile climbing my stomach or the panic rising in my throat when I saw him at work.

If I'd told the truth then John Hagen would be dead, floating somewhere underneath the Brooklyn Bridge and me, I would be free from all of this.

My heart was racing in my chest, my breathing shallow as the pain tore through me. The palm of my hand was resting in the space between my breasts as I battled for air. My throat was raw, my head tipping back into the pillow as my body spasmed from the shock of suddenly being awake. By Christ it hurt.

I was panting now, forcing myself to lie still, breathe through the agony, shove the memories away.

It was a nightmare I told myself, it was only a nightmare.

Tim was still asleep in Daniel's room, for once I was glad he wasn't here. There were too many questions, too much to ask. I couldn't face that right now. I'd spent yesterday pouring my heart out to the counsellor Horatio had recommended. Everything had started to resurface. What had started as glimpses of a drunken interlude was now a full blown memory. One that haunted me.

I exhaled deeply, my eyes adjusting to the dark before I reached out and flicked the lamp on. Dim light erupted into the room, blinding me for a second. Everything felt better with the light on, less scary. I pulled myself into a sitting position, rubbing my hands over my face.

This was all going to go away, at some point this wouldn't happen. I wouldn't wake up like this, I wouldn't see his face in my dreams, I wouldn't feel his breath on my neck.

I swallowed hard, my body was trembling. I pulled the quilt up around my shoulders and brought my knees up to my chest. All I had to do was ride it out and hope to God that the rest of the night would be dream free.

* * *

They say there's no light at the end of the tunnel but I beg to differ, the morning had brought a brighter, happier day. I could hear Daniel's laughter as I trod down each step, it echoed through the house like a symphony causing me to break into a smile too. I checked my watch as I stepped off the bottom stair. Damn it, I was running late.

"I gotta go guys, No time for breakfast I'm running late!" I hollered rushing past the archway doing up the final button on my black waist coat.

I paused in the hallway mirror. My bitter chocolate hair was pulled back into a classic, sleek pony tail, I'd teased it a little to give it some lift at the front, mimicking a style I'd seen on Jessica Alba recently.

"Don't worry kid, she's always like this. She's always been a little scatty. You'll get used to it though." Tim reassured Daniel as he read through the news paper. Daniel was perched on the seat next to Tim reading the cartoon section as he spooned cereal into his mouth. It looks like Tim had rushed out and bought Lucky Charms this morning.

I was peering at them around the archway curiously. Daniel set down his spoon, pushing his cereal bowl away from him, before raising his head to Tim his eyes wide and questioning.

"Is Kate going to be my new mommy?"

Tim looked stunned for a second. I could see the cogs turning in his brain, trying to figure out how to reply to the little boy. Tim reached out, picking up Daniel underneath the arms and pulled him onto his lap.

Stephanie had told Tim that physical contact was important. Daniel hadn't received that much from Jessica; it was something the child craved. Daniel was cuddled up to Tim now, his head resting over his heart as his nimble fingers toyed with the button on Tim's shirt.

"Kate..." Tim paused. "Kate would make a great mother but it's up to you whether you want her to be your mom or not. She's going to be in our lives a lot."

Tim tilted his head, burying his nose into Daniel's hair.

"Why don't you guys start off as friends first and then we can see what you think. She's not going to pressure you into anything you don't want Daniel, neither of us will." Tim clarified, kissing the top of Daniel's head.

"Is she your girlfriend?" Daniel asked, climbing up onto the chair, and wrapping his arms around Tim's neck.

"Kate is so much more than that, next to you she's the most amazing person in the world." Tim, smiled as he tapped his nose with his finger.

Daniel wrinkled his nose before speaking.

"Mommy used to have different daddies; she said it was best to shop around when you're looking for a daddy so you can get the best deal."

I was clenching my jaw so hard my teeth were hurting; from the expression on Tim's face I could tell he was appalled too. Daniel's hands were rubbing along Tim's stubbly cheek gently, I could tell that was soothing Tim. He was pushing back the nuggets of information Daniel was giving him and filing them away for a rainy day.

"Your face feels like a kitty." Daniel's voice broke the tension in the air.

"That's because daddy needs to shave." Tim rubbed his own hand along his chin.

"Can I help?" Daniel asked hopefully.

"How about…you can help put the foam on? Razor's are too sharp for little boys." Tim cautioned, raising to his feet and taking Daniel up with him.

He carried the little boy towards the stairs; I turned my back to take my leave as I heard Daniel pipe up.

"Daddy do you like Star Trek?"

If there was ever any doubt that Daniel was Tim's son, that one comment eradicated it completely.

* * *

The clock was ticking in the background, it was constant, like a grandfather clock, it would chime the end of our session when the big hand reached the twelve. This was my third appointment and for the third time I was lying on my back on a leather couch, trying my damnest to be as open as possible.

Doc Mckenzie was a striking woman, one that could be defined more as handsome then as pretty. Her copper coloured hair was pulled back into an elegant plait. Her eyes glinted like emeralds as she spoke. Her face was always calm but you could sense her desire to help people under the rational exterior.

"So how did you and John meet?" Doctor McKenzie asked tapping her pen against the arm of her chair.

"Through Ray, we were all working closely together." I said, pursing my lips together.

Doc Mac's expression stayed neutral.

"And what were your feelings for John at the time?"

"He was always just Ray's friend. I guess I never really saw him as anything else. The two of them…They were a team, partners, always laughing and smiling, always had each others backs. That's the feeling I got from them." I told her entwining my fingers together on my lap.

"What about your feelings…You've told me about them, what about you?" Doc Mac commented.

I shrugged, slumping my shoulders.

"I really didn't have any." I informed her.

"So how did you end up at his apartment that night?"

I froze, my lips clamping shut. Therapy was about helping me and if I didn't help myself this would be a failure. There was no need to keep secrets anymore, not in this environment.

"Ray, uh, Ray is dead…It shouldn't be so hard telling you this but it is…Is it stupid that I feel like I'm betraying his trust even though he's dead?" I questioned.

Doc McKenzie shook her head.

"Ray was addicted to Meth, I knew… I should have known but I didn't. I found it in his jacket." I paused raising my eyes to he doctor. "I wanted to help him, but we'd fallen out, I'd found out that he was married…"

I covered my face with my hands for a second before continuing.

"I went to John because I couldn't go to Ray. John was his friend, I thought he'd help." I exclaimed shaking my head.

"And what happened when you got to John's place?"

I was actually trembling now, I wrapped my arms around myself closing my eyes tightly.

"It's a blur in some places. Something's I remember clearly and others…" I shook my head. "I was shaking when I got to the door. I was scared."

"Was that before or after what he did?" she asked quietly.

"Before… When I found the Meth I wasn't sure what to do, and I thought John would. He was Ray's friend; he had a better understanding of the situation."

"The situation?"

"Ray's situation. Ray was U.C but he had a wife and child on the outside."

Doc Mac raised an eyebrow.

"The outside?"

"That's what I used to call it, the outside. The real world outside of what we were doing, outside of what I was pretending to be. I that environment you get lost, swept up in what's going on within the Mob culture, you forget what's actually going on in the world outside. It has its own politics." I explained.

"How did that feel?" she asked.

"Isolated, the people… The Family accepted me as one of their own but I was always on edge, who could you trust? The only people I really trusted were ray and John. John came in second until I found out Ray was married. John was really good when I found out Ray had a family. We used to talk about the outside sometimes." I said thoughtfully.

"What did you talk about?" Doc Mc's expression was curious.

"Different things. His dad used to coach the football team. John said he used to pressurize him. John's mom died when he was a kid, so it was rough for him growing up with his old man. His dad got sick when we were U.C. Parkinson's. John dropped everything, even though he hadn't talked to the old bastard in years. He took care of the treatment and the home he's in. From what I hear his old man's tempers gotten worse than ever." I mentioned casually.

"You sound like you feel sorry for him." Doc Mac commented.

I shook my head.

"I'm just pin pointing the moment where everything started to go wrong." I rationalised.

"When did everything go wrong?"

"It was all around the same time. The Family were suspicious, The FBI were putting the pressure on, Ray had a family, John's dad got sick…" I played with the charms on my bracelet. "I really wanted a way out. I was sick of living like that."

"So you found the Meth?" she prompted.

"We had to meet there were shifting in the Mob, I had to inform Ray when the hierarchy changed so that the FBI would know who all the players were. He left his jacket…That's when I found it, the first thing I did was go straight to John…"

"He gave me a drink to calm my nerves. I was so shocked I couldn't speak. I'd had Ray up there on some pedestal. I think John was drinking a lot around that time. There was a bottle of Jack on the table along with a tumbler, when I got there." The back of my hand was pressed to my mouth as I recounted the memories. "I remember sitting down and he offered me a drink to steady my nerves, he said I looked d agitated, he was concerned. I'd never turned up at his before and he looked please that I had. He offered me another drink and I took it."

I paused, looking up into Doc Mac's eyes pleading her to believe me.

"I hated myself, I really did… I was sickened by the fact I'd done that to another woman. I was in pain and alone, and it scared me, it really shook me up inside."

"It's common for people in a situation like you're to seek comfort in other means…" She started.

I cut her off, trying to make her understand.

"I didn't go there seeking comfort! I wanted to make things better. I wanted Ray off the Meth so he could act like my handler again and go back to his wife. He was becoming destructive and that could have gotten me killed. I couldn't let that happen. I'd started figuring things out; I wanted to find Tim again… I showed John the Meth, and I told him I wanted him to become my handler, because Ray was too unreliable, I couldn't trust him anymore." I confessed exasperated.

"So you asked John to be your handler?" she clarified.

"At the time I trusted John more than I trusted Ray. Ray had lied to me about his wife and that made me question his motives. John had been nothing but open with me, it made sense to ask… I was just so stupid; everyone was caught up in their own problems. If I let Ray continue the way he was going he would have taken us all down with him." I ranted, rubbing at my eyes tiresomely.

"Kate I think now would be a good time to admit what John did to you."

"We were drunk it wasn't his fault…" I protested.

"If someone had come to you, if one of your friends had come to you with this story and told you this, you'd tell them it was their fault?" she questioned.

I stared at her indignant.

"Of course not!"

"Then why are you being so hard on yourself? You know what happened, but you're denying it and that is the reason that you can't move on. If you don't accept what happened then it'll always be there, preventing you from getting on with your life. You and I both know what the law states is the definition for rape."

I turned my head away, shaking my head.

"I have to work with this man…"

"No Kate you don't. You choose to. You have the courage to face him, day in and day out, knowing at the back of your mind what he did to you. I know somewhere in there you have the courage to admit what he did to you. You're not a victim Kate, and admitting this will not make you into one." Doc Mac's expression was fierce.

"It feels like if I say it out loud, that it actually happened, and there is no going back from that. It changes everything." I admitted.

"By admitting it you're setting yourself free. Only good can come of this. Tell me Kate what happened to you?" she offered up my salvation without a second thought.

My cheeks flushed red with humiliation as I twisted my fingers together, staring at my hands. There were red hot tears running down my cheeks. And my chest was beginning to quiver as I raised my head to meet her emerald gaze.

"John Hagen raped me."

* * *

I exited the therapist's feeling a mixture of relief and exhaustion. Emotionally I was battered, the swirl of memories that had haunted me over the last few months were clearer now and there was no way to avoid the truth of what Hagen had done. I'd always avoided it. I'd repressed the memory on purpose because I couldn't stand the idea that someone I'd trusted could do that to me despite the fact I already knew that statistically you were more likely to be raped by someone you knew as opposed to a stranger.

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I stepped outside into the dazzling sun light. Things were changing, they were moving fast and drastically. I had to go along with them other wise I was going to be trapped back here in the past while everything moved out of my reach. I took a deep breath as I stepped into the road, looking both ways before crossing.

I was going to continue therapy, there was too much at stake for me not to. Before I had been stubborn, talking didn't come easy to me when it was things I'd rather not remember, but now I needed to. It was affecting my work and my private life, and at the moment I had to be at the top of my game because knew something was coming, something that was going to disrupt everything I'd worked for.

Daniel's appearance had sparked things inside me, things that I had touched on briefly during my own short-lived pregnancy. Tim was now a father and that little boy needed a female figure in his life, a friend if not a mother. I'd decided last night that I would be there to help him heal and to help Tim, because simply he was clueless when it came to children.

Yet there was a bigger threat outside of the bubble they were in, one that I know had not crossed his mind since he'd found Daniel. I'm sure he'd thought about Jessica, and protecting Daniel from Jessica, but at the moment she wasn't a threat because she hadn't graced out lives yet. I knew it was easier to focus on his son at the moment as opposed to the woman who had bore him.

The problem was when Jessica returned she was going to come back for that child, whether we liked it or not she was going to try to take Daniel again. So I was going to make myself prepared as possible.

They do say it's best to know your enemy.

* * *

Bernstein's phone was ringing, the shrill tone cut through his slumber, irritating him even more as he rolled away from Autumn's warm, naked body unwillingly. His hand lashed out groping for the phone, flipping it open a he checked caller I.D.

"Yea…Bernstein." His voice was rough with sleep, and Autumn found herself turning on her side to face him.

She found his husky voice incredibly sexy, especially when he'd just woken up. Her hand came to rest on his chest, tracing the pattern of the tribal tattoo s he listened to the caller.

Her lips brushed his collar bone as his hand rested on the back of her neck guiding her…

"Shit you found her?" he exclaimed suddenly.

Autumn pulled away focusing on the expression on Michael's face curious, it was a mixture of elation and concern. His eyebrows knotted together in concentration as he spoke, she drew back all together resting on the pillow and listening to his side of the conversation.

"She's in a motel?" he questioned.

Autumn knew this was to do with the child he'd found yesterday, she hoped and prayed that they had enough to put the mother away. After he'd gotten home last night from Kate's, he'd taken her to bed, his hands had been smooth and gentle as he teased her body, driving her to the edge over and over again until finally he entered her with a tenderness that she'd missed recently.

Afterwards they'd talked about the baby; they were making plans, plotting out their future. Baby names, nurseries, they had all that to look forward too, and she was soothed by the active role he was already playing in their child's life. He'd spent an hour last night talking to her stomach. There was no response of course; kicks didn't usually start until you were five months along.

Autumn rolled onto her back as Michael hung up the phone and sighed.

She already knew what he was going to say it was his day off, they were going to go baby shopping…

"I understand." She stated simply, as his dark eyes analysed her face. "This is important, and we have seven months to do baby shopping."

She was disappointed, they both knew it but there wasn't a chance in hell she was going to begrudge him for doing the right thing, that mother needed taking down for what she'd done to her child.

"Your right…" he answered. "This is important…and I need to tell you why."

Autumn frowned for a second taking in the determined expression on Michael's features as he spoke. This went deeper than she thought; in fact this looked like it was damn personal. She was suddenly awake and more alert, looking for clues in his body language to what he was going to say. Michael propped himself up on one elbow, his fingers brushing the stray strands of hair from Autumn's smooth skin.

"The boy… The one that we found… He's Speedle's son."

Autumn's eyes went wide before she peppered him with questions. Who knew? Did Kate know? How had it happened? So on and so forth. And at the end of it all they simply stared at each other. The guilt was evident on his face. He hadn't wanted to keep it a secret from her, he wondered what her reaction would be now.

Autumn leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Michael looked down at her surprised, his eyes met hers and in them he saw everything that she thought and felt and it made him dizzy.

_Soulmates._

The word was burned on his heart just like her name, the first time he'd met her he knew by just one look. This was the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with. This wonderful, compassionate beauty. There was nothing more to be said because he knew she understood.

"When you get back your buying me lunch…" she checked the clock on their bedside table and corrected herself. "In fact dinner…with dessert."

Michael rolled forward, his body pressing onto of her. His mouth covered hers in one quick movement, his lips sensually caressing hers. She moaned into his mouth, feeling him already hard against her stomach. She melted into his embrace, her hands running up his back; he shivered as her nails raked his skin.

"You need to get going if you're going to catch her." Autumn uttered, breaking away breathless.

Michael groaned before rolling off of her.

"I would much rather spend the day in bed, with you." He stated, clambering to his feet.

Autumn bit her lip as she took in his naked form, his beautiful mocha skin shone in the sunlight through the open window.

"Give me a call when you get back if I'm still out you can join me." She offered, licking her lips as he turned around to face her, boxers in one hand, shirt in the other.

He shuddered seeing her tongue trace the outline of her lips.

"I will." He promised. "In case I don't could you pick me up a baby book while you're out?" he asked stepping into his underwear.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

Michael shrugged.

"I'd like to know what to expect, and I wanna know what our baby's getting up to inside there." He pointed at her stomach before pulling the white shirt over his shoulders.

"I will pick one up for you…" she murmured, slipping out of bed gracefully.

Michael watched her, his eyes taking in every single aspect of her naked body, he felt himself stirring again. He ignored the feeing and yanked on his beige trousers, there'd be plenty of time for that later.

Autumn was pulling on his jogging bottoms now, the white Bon Jovi t-shirt followed suit. Michael snatched up his holster and fastened it to himself, before grabbing the suit jacket he'd left hanging and slipping it on.

"I'll try and make it back in time for dinner." He told Autumn, his lips brushing hers lightly.

"Hm." She murmured rubbing her body against him.

"Hm, I like the idea of coming home to that." He teased breaking away.

"I'm going to take a nice, hot steam shower." She retuned with a wink before slipping out the bedroom, she could feel Mike's eyes on her ass as she sauntered into the bathroom.

_Damn._ He thought before calling out goodbye and leaving through the front door.

* * *

The café we were meeting at was a dainty quiet place, that overlooked the beach. It was quiet for lunchtime, I thought and I liked that. I didn't need the hustle and bustle at the minute. My nerves were already shot to hell but I knew I had to keep focus. This meeting was going to be important. It was also entirely unethical in terms of our jobs but we were both willing to turn a blind eye to that.

The strawberry blond woman was perched on a table at the back, her shapely legs crossed underneath it as she scanned the menu. Today she was wearing a navy blue skirt suit with a silk white shirt underneath. More than a few glances from the male population of the café had gone her way but she was ignoring them, I didn't even thing she was aware of her sizzling sexuality.

I weaved my way through the tables to get to her. My shadow cast across the table before I promptly sat myself down in the seat across from her. Only then did Stephanie Briscoe look up and meet my eyes.

My earlier deductions yesterday were not far off. Her smile was kind and I could tell by the way her eyes crinkled at the sides that she was going to enjoy helping me.

"Thank you for meeting with me." I said as she slipped her menu towards me.

I took it gratefully and opened it out in front off me, studying the contents.

"To be honest I was surprised you called me Kate."

Kate, we were on the same level she was telling me.

"Tim's main focus is on Daniel at the minute, I don't want him to worry about this until he has to. I know what he's like he'll dwell on it until it eats him up inside." I explained crossing my legs under the table.

"I think you made the right choice." She agreed, signalling the waiter.

We gave our orders before coming back to the actual conversation at hand.

"I am only doing this because I care for Daniel, and I know Speedle isn't the most conventional father but I believe he will be a good one, a better parent than Daniel's biological mother." She spat the last few words as if dislodging a horrible taste from the back of her throat.

I entwined my fingers together, watching her as she spoke.

"Horatio said I could trust you. The information I am going to give you can go no further. You know the law, I should not be telling you anything and you will not be able to use what I say in court or anywhere else. It's between you and me." Stephanie paused. "What I will also do is give you a way to find out more of the information you need…I can not watch that little boy return to Jessica Wilks." She said with venom.

I nodded my agreement seeing the determination in her features. This was a woman who was used to fighting and I drew off her strength, I knew if I needed help Stephanie would do what she could.

We were silent again as the drink orders arrived. I took a sip of mine before speaking.

"I want to know everything you can give me. I want to know about Daniel; about Jessica…Daniel says she has a lot of boyfriends…"

Stephanie held her hand up to silence me.

"We'll get to that in a moment but first I need to know how Daniel's doing, what was his first night with the two of you like?" she asked bluntly, her eyes on my face as if trying to decipher my expression.

"He was shy when I met him. He took to Tim quickly. A parent is God in the eyes of a child and I guess that's kind of what he sees Tim as. He was hiding behind him, quite clingy. He seemed to feel safe with Tim. He was nervous around me…Or rather women in general, I couldn't tell you whether that's true or not, we haven't had him around other people yet." I told her, hesitating before adding the rest.

"He liked my kitty, we let him play with Stormy for a while and watch Discovery channel, he's a smart kid. In the night…he wet the bed; I think he was having bad dreams."

"And how was that handled?" Stephan eased I could tell she was doing a risk assessment on us both, trying to work out whether we were helping or hindering Daniel.

"Daniel came into our room, he was really upset. Tim was really good about it, told him it happens and such but Daniel seemed…humiliated almost like he expected us to make a really big deal out of it. Tim basically looked after him, sorted him out in the bathroom, while I changed the sheets and things. I got the impression that Jessica wasn't too nice about his bed wetting." I stated, my cheeks flushing.

"It sounds like it." Stephanie murmured before asking what else was on my mind.

"He doesn't have a lot of stuff…I mean I know there was a Hurricane and it probably got destroyed, but his backpack was practically empty and no offence I know those clothes are standard issue at Social Services." I informed her, pausing as our food arrived at the table.

"The truth is…" she began concentration on wrapping the spaghetti around her fork. "Daniel didn't have a lot of stuff."

I frowned, using my knife to chop some of the pasta.

"He must have had some stuff."

Stephanie's eyes met mine.

"A book never returned from the library, a few toys and less than a drawer full of clothes, trust me Daniel did not have much." Stephanie submitted.

I bit my lip pondering this.

"But he's so smart, I mean he knows how dolphins communicate, I mean how many four year olds can tell you that?" I asked her dumbfounded.

"Not many." She agreed. "Then again Daniel isn't a normal child, he's gifted."

I raised my eyebrows, she set her fork down and took a stack of papers out of her leather bag and handed them to me.

"These are for your eyes only, no one else is to see them, I have other ways for you find the information that is in these papers but I thought it was best you knew what you were dealing with straight away." She said as I took them out of her hand, and slipped them into my own bag.

We went back to eating our meals.

"I advise you speak to Daniel's old preschool teacher after reading the files, she'll give you some of the evidence you'll need if this makes a court case. You can count on her for a statement." She informed me.

"You've already spoken to her?" I inquired.

"She's expecting you to call." Stephanie confirmed.

Stephanie was going to immense lengths to help me here and I fully appreciated it.

"You were asking about Jessica and her boyfriends?" Stephanie reminded me.

I nodded, looking at her in awe as I ate more of the meal in front of me.

"A word of advice before I disclose any personal details. Hire a Private Investigator, you want all the dirt you can get in this case, and trust me Horatio has the number of a great one, use him and he'll obtain all the information you need legally." Stephanie advised.

"I will definitely do that." I assured her.

Stephanie took a deep breath before opening her mouth to speak again.

"Jessica's boyfriends…they're actually her clients."

I stared at her in shock, swallowing the chicken I'd been chewing hard.

"She's a prostitute?" I whispered.

"She calls herself an escort. The sister told me all this because she wants Daniel to have a better life, she has begged and pleaded with Jessica to relinquish custody but she refuses." Stephanie confided.

"Why though?" I questioned.

"People like Jessica…Sex is validation, she enjoys her job. She gets everything she wants with no strings, but it is a lonely life and the emotional validation comes from Daniel. As you said a parent is God in a child's eyes and no matter what she did to him she was his mom. Daniel's a very comforting child, selfless in a way. I'm hoping that if he grows up with a different mother figure in his life he'll see that it's not just about him giving emotionally, it's about what he gets out of it too." Stephanie explained. "Jessica needs Daniel because without him she starts to become unbalanced almost, those men she's with don't show emotion towards her, not the emotions she craves and Daniel's love was unconditional, and that's why when she realizes Daniel isn't there anymore she is going to fight in anyway she can to get him back."

My fork clattered to my plate.

"Do you think she'd gong to try and grab him?" I asked her outright.

Stephanie's brilliant blue eyes met mine.

"If the custody battle doesn't go to plan for then yes, it's a very realistic possibility." She told me, her voice sounded numb.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of us eating, simply pushing our food around the plates. I wasn't hungry anymore, and I doubted very much that Stephanie was either.

I glanced up giving Stephanie a small smile.

"Thank you." I uttered. "Thank you for telling me all of this."

"All I ask is that you keep Daniel out of her hands."

"I promise I will use every single trick in the book." I told her before raising to my feet.

"It was nice meeting you Kate." She said following suit.

"Yea Stephanie, you too."

* * *

The department store was busy and Tim made sure to keep a firm grasp on Daniel's hand as they battled their way towards the kids section. He had no idea what the hell he was doing; he had no idea what clothes Daniel liked or anything. When asked Daniel only responded with a shy shrug, it was clear his opinion was rarely a factor in these choices and as frustrating as Tim found it, there was nothing he could do but attempt to choose for him…

Which was not going as well as he'd planned.

He was torn between all the garments that the children's department had in store; also he remembered that at some point Daniel would probably need shoes and defiantly toys. His head was spinning from all the choices in front of his eyes.

"Hey, I thought it was you. This must be Daniel." Tim glanced up.

Autumn was standing before him with two little baby booties clutched in her hand, a smile etched upon her smooth features. He thought she as glowing, her skin illuminated in colour. Pregnancy, it seemed was agreeing with her.

"Yea…" Tim responded, rubbing the back of his head with his free hand. "This is Autumn kiddo."

Daniel peered up at the younger woman through his dark curls, squeezing Tim's hand lightly.

"It's ok." Tim said quietly, his hand smoothing across Daniel's hair.

Daniel's hand was fixed on Tim's jeans, his hand balled in a fist. He was uncomfortable around women. That much was clear.

"I'm a friend of Tim and Kate's," Autumn asserted.

Daniel nodded and Tim was relieved by the fact he'd shown some response. Earlier he had simply ignored the sales assistant chatting to them, averting his gaze when she spoke. The mixture of Tim's acknowledgment and Autumn's general friendliness seemed to awake the social aspects within Daniel. Tim was surprised when he heard his son's voice pipe up with a tiny "hi".

"Wow, that's the first word he's really spoken to anyone outside of me." Tim murmured surprised.

Autumn shrugged, her face complacent.

"I hear a congratulations are in order." Tim broke the silence, nodding at her stomach.

"It blew us both for six, but I know that we're ready for this. I can't wait to be a mom." Autumn responded, her hand rubbing over her stomach absentmindedly.

"You baby shopping already?" Tim asked pointing to the booties in her hand.

"I know its dumb right? But I saw them and I just couldn't help it, I think they'd suit either a boy or a girl." She said in wonderment, staring at the tiny items in her hand before turning her attention back to Tim.

"I guess you guys are doing the same right?" she questioned, glancing around at the racks surrounding them.

"We are trying…but the truth is I suck at this kind of thing." Tim admitted.

The stress was evident on his face. He was trying she realized, being thrown in the deep end was hard and he was really giving it his all.

"You guys want a bit of help, I am an excellent shopper." She joked.

Tim shook his head.

"It's ok…We know your busy." Tim said gruffly, his hand enclosing on Daniel's.

Autumn shrugged.

"It's no big deal, Mike got called in today so I have no plans." She told him, with a knowing look. "So are we looking for a bit of everything or something specific?" she said abruptly changing the subject.

"Everything." Tim stated.

Autumn's eyes lit up at the sign of a challenge. Tim admired her enthusiasm, he hated shopping and this type of shopping… It was driving him insane.

Autumn crouched down to Daniel's level, making eye contact with the small boy.

"You wanna help your dad out a little and pick something you'll like?" Autumn asked in a soft tone.

The little boy nodded slowly.

"You see anything you like?" Autumn queried.

Again Daniel nodded; Tim vaguely wondered why the boy hadn't spoken up sooner. A woman's touch he realised, no matter how much Tim was there Daniel would always need a mother figure in his life.

Daniel would always miss his mom.

* * *

**First of all this was hard as hell to write, but I gave it my best I'd love to know what you guys think so let me know.**

**Thankies to BEG for listening to me ramble and helping me by knowing what's too much and what's too little.**

_Camper: lol Tim was no way going to let him get away with leaving her like that. Lol Tim's terrified of being a father it's completely new to him and it's not like starting from scratch. Tim has no choice, he has a bond with the kid and you'll get a glimpse of Jessica soon. They'll have a fight on their hands._

_Bola: I'm glad you like it, thanks for the review._

_Martine: Thankies! It's lovely to know that there's a reason to keep this story going._

_BEG: lol Kate appreciates everything Tim's done for her, and I think she's always wanted a child with him, this one just happens to be almost ready made. I wanted to show the strength of her feelings. Lol I love Autumn and Berny, their a fresher, almost simpler couple to write and he is just so hot. Lol we'll just have to see how everything with Jessica goes. Hagen… well we both know how we feel on that._

_Chy: lol I'm glad your loving the story, it's hard to maintain but reviews like that makes it worth writing. Thankies._

_Nightstar: lol Thankies for the review it was lovely to meet you. I adore Daniel I've had him in my head since day one and I've been dying to bring him in. I'm glad he's going down so well._


	26. Chapter 26: Truth Be Told

Chapter Twenty Six: Truth Be Told

_If I had just held on for once  
If I had been more  
Confident in myself  
Maybe less afraid of everything  
If you had not been painful for me  
If you had been more honest with me  
I might have made it_

Sorrow comes again  
For reasons unexplained  
I come to you  
But I am not the same  
You sense my fear  
Tell me it's ok  
A cross to bear  
I pull to far away

_Casey Stratton – For Reasons Unexplained_

The lab was quiet, a rarity that occurred once in a blue moon. Everyone was out on cases, still cleaning up the aftermath of Hurricane Anthony. Finally Miami was being restored but it was a long and tedious job. It was lunch time for me and the tuna salad sandwich I was eating had been left unattended on the edge of the desk. I was reading through the stack of files Stephanie had given me in regards to Daniel. The information was shocking. I was still struggling to wrap my head around the words that were typed upon the pages.

Daniel was a tiny genius.

His ability to calculate Maths was off the charts, his level of understanding was phenomenal and his reading age was four years ahead of it's time. The only topic he did not excel in was social skills. Stephanie's reports told a story of neglect.

The stories Tim had told me about Jessica leaving Daniel in a car and locking him in the house were more detailed and I did not like what I was reading. If this alone was submitted to a judge I saw no reason for us not to be able to win a custody battle, but just like Tim I liked to dot the "I's" and cross the "T's".

Something washed over me, crawling over my skin like insects as I sat there reading the files in front of me. I knew when I was being watched and from the intense prickling sensation spreading across my skin I already knew by whom.

"Go away John I'm busy." I spoke without looking up from the sheet of paper I was reading.

The door closed and for a moment I breathed a sigh of relief, relaxing in my seat. That was until the shadow fell over my desk scaring the crap out of me. His fingers were already pinching the paper out of my hands and setting it down on the desk. He laid his palm flat on the sheet so I couldn't retrieve it. I could feel his breath on my face even before I tilted my head up to meet his glittering eyes.

"Kate, we need to talk."

The oxygen in the room was suddenly thinning out, and I could feel my chest compressing on itself as he leaned in closer, his face almost touching mine. I was frozen I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. My arms were rigid, hands clutching the arms of the swivel chair as his breath tickled my lips. There was no trace of alcohol, just him, this was all John.

"I know what your thinking and you don't have to do it. Just because Speedle's got a kid, it doesn't mean you have to stay with him. It's not your kid; it's not your problem." His fingers were on my face, his thumb tracing across my cheek bone. I was quivering inside, every single muscle was tightening at the nausea building in my stomach and still I was paralysed. The fear and the knowledge of what he did made me powerless.

"I am here, because you need me, and you are going to need me. I would never hurt you Kate and deep down I know your hurting." He assured me, his thumb tracing over my lips.

"When this all comes crashing down I will be here waiting Katie, I've been waiting a very long time and I am very, very good at it." He pressed a kiss to my lips.

It was light and soft, but it was still unwanted. It still made my blood boil and my stomach churn. It made me want to peel off my own skin, and scrub it clean because I could still feel his hands all over me even though he was leaving now. Even as the door clicked shut behind him, I would still feel him deep inside me, his low gravelly voice calling out my name.

* * *

Delko checked his watch for the third time before making his decision to invade Kate's office. It was an unwritten rule not to go into other people's offices while they weren't there. You were destroying their privacy by doing so, but Kate had kept him waiting and waiting. He knew she'd taken the results from the Mass Spec because he had seen her do it, during his lunch hour. He'd expected to be paged within fifteen minutes, but there had been nothing. At first he thought she was being kind and letting him finish his break before they went back to work and in a way he resented that because he liked having things there and then. He liked knowing the ins and outs, lunch break or not.

When she hadn't got back to him after half an hour he was pissed, he was even more pissed to discover upon opening the door to her office she wasn't at her desk like he'd expected. Where the hell could she have gone?

Growling, Delko made his way to her desk, observing the untouched tuna sandwich and the still steaming coffee perched on the corner beside a set of haphazardly placed files. Maybe she'd gone the bathroom?

It was odd for her to leave things this way. Something was wrong, it didn't seem quite right. His senses were alert searching for something but he wasn't sure what. He looked down at the mahogany desk in front of him, his eyes glazing over it and then suddenly he heard it. He didn't even know what it was but it was so out of place that his head jerked, gaze darting all around the room trying to seek out the source of the noise.

There it was again. He took a step closer to the desk. There was silence now, an eerie calm. He dodged around to Kate's side of the desk, and that's when he saw it, the small black boot sticking out from beside the chair, from the alcove under the desk.

"Kate?" he said softly, using his hand to push the chair further away, it rolled past the desk and came to rest against the wall.

His eyes went wide at the sight in front of him. Her knees were drawn up to her chest, her arms locked around legs. Her hair was hiding her face, tucked into her knees. Her whole body was quivering and shaking, he reached out a hand to do something, he wasn't sure what.

She flinched the instant his skin made contact with hers, her head whipped up to meet his gaze. Her eyes were wild and furious as she drew back closer into the shelter of the desk.

"Don't touch me." She spat.

Eric pulled his hand away, sinking to his knees in front of her as she stared him. Mascara had run down both of her cheeks, staining underneath her eyes and her cheek bones. Her lips were red and swollen, almost from rubbing them too much. Her eyes were unfocused and he knew she wasn't seeing him on his knees there, she was seeing someone else, someone who had hurt her so badly she was hiding underneath her desk.

Everything suddenly slotted into place. The flinching, all the times Speedle has spoken to him about Kate pulling away, and now this. He recognized the signs, if his CSI's brain hadn't kicked in, his own personal understandings to situations like this would have. Seeing his sister Mari curled up at the bottom of their shower fully clothed gave him a better insight than he could ever imagined. And just like Mari, the bile was raising in the back of his throat along with the painful rage and helplessness flooding his senses. He choked it all back, taking a deep breath he tried to instil the same sense of patience he'd managed with Mari.

"Kate, it's me Eric." He began softly, as not to distress her any further. "I'm your friend. I won't hurt you."

To his surprise she started to laugh, a shrill, frightened laugh that ended as abruptly as it started.

"That's what he said." She responded dully.

"Kate, I know what's happened. I'm not asking for anything but to just sit here with you. You want to talk, talk. You wanna stay hidden under this desk I'm good with that too." He said gently, moving into a sitting position along side her.

Their bodies weren't touching but he was close enough for her to feel comforted by his presence. She drank in the spicy scent of his aftershave as they say side by side, him halfway under the desk. She needed something, anything to get the images out of her head, to get the feel of John Hagen off her skin.

"I tried Eric, I really did, I moved away and forgot about it, and now he's back and he's waiting. I can't do this anymore." She was looking at her hands, clenching them and then unclenching them in four second bouts. "I can't pretend it didn't happen because it did."

Eric rested his head against the back of the desk. There was no need to ask who she was talking about, because he already knew, he'd known the second he'd seen them together that something had happened.

"You can't live like this Kate; it's destroying your life." Eric said quietly.

Kate pressed the back of her hand to her lips, her eyes already tearing up. It was horrific to feel so trapped, so powerless.

"I don't know what to do Eric; it was four years ago, there's no evidence anymore, it's my word against his." The tears were sliding down her cheeks now and she was rubbing them away angrily with her sleeve.

"I think it's time to start talking Kate. Speed needs to know, and so does the rest of the world. If he's done it once, he can do it again." He said lightly trying to shelter her from the ramifications.

"I'm really scared Eric." She admitted. "What if people don't believe me, what if nothing happens. It'll happen again and I can't…" she wheezed or a second, a sign that her chest was hurting. "I'll kill myself before he touches me again."

"It won't come to that Kate. I promise you it will never come to that. Speed needs you more than ever now. More than anything he needs to know the truth. You can't work like this anymore. It's eating you inside." Eric told her.

Kate swallowed hard, toying with the charm bracelet on her wrist.

"So what do we do? I mean how do we do this?" she asked focusing on the silver anchor.

"Well first we get out from under the desk because I don't know about you but my ass is killing me." Eric said squeezing himself out of the hiding place.

He was rewarded with a small smile from Kate before he held out his hand. She took it, her fingers wrapping around his before he pulled her to her feet. She swayed for a second; he stretched out his free hand to balance her, resting it on her shoulder.

"You are going to be ok Kate." Eric said tenderly, meeting her worried expression.

His hand was stroking her neck lightly.

"I can still feel him, Eric." She said stepping closer to him. Her head came to rest on his shoulder.

His arms wrapped around her fragile form, holding her as tightly as he could without actually hurting her. His lips were pressed to her hair as she clung to him.

"It'll go away Kate. One day you don't feel like that anymore." He assured her.

Kate closed her eyes, breathing him in and remembering, remembering it wasn't Tim. His scent was reminded her of his Cuban heritage, the night they went salsa dancing together, and many other things but it wasn't the same as Tim. It wasn't the fresh, clean cut smell he radiated, or the secure safeness she held when he held her. There was never that well of love or that bow of his head as he tried to hide his smile. She drew away and met Eric's eyes, an intense expression on her features.

"So…" she began in a low tone. "What do we do?"

She looked lost again, and that scared Eric because she was always so sure of herself. Cocky and confident was how he defined Kate, not this broken little creature shivering in front of him. He hooked his fingers with hers, hoping to give the reassurance she needed.

"We tell Horatio." He said lightly.

"I can't do this by myself." She said weakly, turning her head away.

Eric used his free hand to lift her chin and guide it to meet his eyes all over again. She saw the honesty in those eyes, felt his strength flowing right through him and into her body,

"You don't have to." Eric told her.

Kate sniffed, the tears threatening all over again.

"Thank you." She whispered, before he tugged her towards the door and eventually they took the first step through it.

* * *

The motel was a run down hovel just off the Glades; it sported a view o the swampland and was known for poachers. The sign boasted vacancies and the parking lot ported three beat up shit heaps. Bernstein had to admit he was not impressed with Jessica's taste. He motioned for the two uniforms to stand either side of the door before he raised his hand to knock.

As far as he was concerned Jessica Wilks wasn't a dangerous subject unless you were her four year old son. However, the hotel manager had kindly informed Bernstein that Jessica wasn't alone.

An accomplice was unpredictable so Bernstein was taking no chances.

No answer, but inside Bernstein heard voices. He banged his fist on the door again. The door swung open before he could speak revealing a shaggy blond haired beach bum. His eyes wide and glassy, he was definitely tripping.

"You here with the coke man?" The Tweaker asked, a nervous chuckle escaping his slack jaw.

Bernstein took a perverse pleasure in inserting his foot into the crack of the door and shoving his suit jacket back,

"MDPD."

The Tweaker's head tilted, he squinted at the gleaming shield attached to the waistband of Bernstein's trousers.

It took him ten seconds for reality to actually crash down on him, and even then the Tweaker did a pathetic job of attempting to close the door. Bernstein's hand was already on the door shoving it open; it caught the Tweaker in the forehead. He reeled back, clutching at his head, a howl erupting from him as Bernstein forced the door the rest of the way open.

"Book him." Bernstein stated to the other two uniforms.

The other cops rushed through, grabbing the Tweaker between them and cuffing his hands behind his back. It was an easy take down if he was honest, but with one threat neutralised he was now free to explore the other.

"Where's the girl?" he barked as the uniforms sat the Tweaker down on the bed, before standing either side off him, hands on his shoulders.

The Tweaker's eyes slid to the closed bathroom door.

"The drugs aren't mine man." he stated, shaking his head.

Bernstein rolled his eyes before turning towards the door. He was half way to the bathroom door when it happened.

The closet next to him flew open, the cheap wooden slats banging against the white washed wall. A rookie mistake, one that should never have been made, he was impatient, he knew that. His mind had been elsewhere. His body pivoted his hands lashing out to fend her off. Their eyes met and he could see this fight wasn't going to be one based on rationality.

Jessica's pupils were dilated; the Coke high was wearing off. Her skin was gleaming with a thin layer of sweat, her nails raked across his face. He bellowed at the fresh searing pain as something silver flashed in his vision. He drew back his hand instinctively; it connected with Jessica's jaw with a huge cracking sound. She hit the floor in an instant.

Instantly she was wailing, laying flat on the floor, clutching the side of her face. Obscenities spewed from her mouth. The corkscrew glinted at him, long forgotten by the rampaging junkie. He toed the object away, eyeing it with malice. It was something picked up in a drug fuelled panic, also something that if stabbed in the right place would have ended his life completely.

Bernstein was already hurling her to her feet by her arm, as she branded him with several unflattering racist terms. He shook it off, yanking her arms behind her back and snapping on the cold metal cuffs in satisfaction. Jessica's attempt to struggle was more than pitiful. There wasn't a chance in hell she was going to break those cuffs.

It was only when she was secured and only then that Bernstein chanced a proper look at Jessica Wilks.

She had been an addict he realized for a while now, longer than he had suspected. Her blond hair was lank, hanging past her shoulders in greasy coils. Her top lip was red raw, he found himself unsurprised if it turned out she'd been on Meth for a while too.

Her gaze was on him now, her lip curved into a snarl, his eyes flicked to her ivory skin. It was dry and cracked in places, her teeth beginning to decay. The drugs hadn't been kind to her. He tried to see what Speedle must have seen all those years ago, but all he could see was this degenerate piece of human waste.

"What are you looking at pig?" she spat literally had him. the phlegm glob landed on the toe of his shoe.

He raised his eyes to meet Jessica's contemptuous expression an amused smile spreading across his features. Everything she was doing was adding to the evidence that was going to make every single one of those charges stick.

"Book them." Bernstein ordered, before calling for the CSI team to go over the hotel room.

If he was right they were going to find at least some drug paraphernalia stashed somewhere. As he dialled in he was suddenly very glad that he'd managed to help out Speedle in some way. Whether Jessica liked it or not he was going to make sure that those charges stuck.

* * *

The blow to Tim's gut was nothing compared to the feeling of the knife slice through his heart again and again as he watched his best friend, touch his girlfriend's face with a tenderness that was reserved for only one thing. He was angry and he was hurting so badly he had to turn away because he could feel the cocktail mixing deep inside of him threatening to explode.

What had he expected? He knew deep down that this was going to happen. It wasn't fair to expect Kate to adopt his kid after losing their own. Even in a normal circumstance it would have been a stretch but now it was worse because of the situation at hand.

Autumn was looking after Daniel thank God, the two of them had bonded over colouring and strawberry milkshakes, and although he had been a little nervous about leaving Tim's side, his reassurances has made the boy smile and his promises were guaranteed. Neither less he needed time right now. He needed to absorb what he's just seen.

He couldn't expect to Kate to stick around but after everything she'd said last night…

It was over he realized, the moment that Daniel had walked into his life his relationship had died where it stood because that was a past that Kate couldn't forgive. He got that, he was sure if their roles were reversed he'd probably be doing the same thing.

Watching Eric's hands on her skin like that, caused his blood to boil. As he turned away he heard the door click open. His name was being called, but he didn't respond, he couldn't answer because that was that. There was nothing left for him in that room. His heart has been disintegrated and now the only thing that mattered was Daniel. He slipped through the elevator door hearing the footsteps clatter behind him. He palmed the button for the parking garage, before turning to face them.

"Speed." Delko was calling. Kate's voice echoed behind him.

His jaw clenched as he folded his arms over his chest and shook his head. The door closed before either of them reached the elevator, and for that he was glad.

Because now he had time alone to mourn, now he could grieve before returning to his son's side. He wouldn't show anything but happiness towards Daniel. It wasn't fair though; life was never going to let him have everything at once.

* * *

The sun was bright outside, so bright Autumn had to blink twice to clear her vision a little. They were leaving the Crime Lab after Tim had met and spoken with Horatio. Tim had wanted the older man to meet his son and the meeting had gone well, Autumn thought as they took the step one at a time.

The little dark haired boy was something else. He was freakishly intelligent, and he had a curiosity in everything surrounding them. Right now his little hand was curled around hers as they descended the steps talking. Daniel's voice was soft and quiet as he spoke, explaining why he liked the colour blue and not the colour red.

There was a commotion up ahead. A squad car had pulled up in front of the building. Autumn ushered Daniel to one aside and out of the way as the officers stepped out. They were in the middle of the stairway as she caught sight of Michael ducking out of the car.

_Shit. _

The woman was already being led up the steps towards them her head bowed; Michael looked up and met her gaze head on, his expression turning worried as it dipped to Daniel standing next to her.

"Mommy?" Daniel's voice was a whisper but she heard it and apparently Jessica did too.

Her head tipped up, her gaze fixing on the small child. Her eyes…They frightened Autumn, they were primitive and vengeful as they swept over her and eventually rested on the little boy.

"Daniel… DANIEL." She was screaming now, a horrible hollering sound as she bolted towards Autumn, hands still cuffed behind her back.

"Come on baby." Autumn murmured turning her back on Jessica, her hand was on Daniel's shoulder guiding him quickly down the steps.

The little boy went willingly, clutching her hand like a life line as Michael made sure that he was between Jessica and them the whole time. Jessica was struggling with her bonds now, shrieking Daniel's name louder and louder.

"I want my son, give me my god damn son!" she yelled as Autumn hit the auto unlock and opened the car door.

She was already lifting Daniel in and fastening his seatbelt; it was only when she climbed into the driver's side and shut her car door that Jessica's were drowned out. Autumn sat for a second her hands on the steering wheel staring straight ahead. Her heart was racing in her chest.

"Wow, that was…" she trailed off turning her head towards Daniel. "Are you ok?"

Daniel's head was bowed so low his chin was touching his chest. His shoulders were shuddering, and he sniffed quietly. Autumn reached out for him, shuffling awkwardly until she was along side him, her arm wrapped around his shoulders, drawing him against her body and into a small hug. Daniel didn't resist.

"It's going to be ok you know. Your dad and Kate their going to take really good care of you. They love you so much; they would do anything for you." Autumn told Daniel her cheek resting gently on his head.

"I don't want to live with mommy anymore. I don't like having to be by myself." His words were muffled by the tears and Autumn's shoulder.

"Your mom leaves you alone a lot huh?" Autumn mumbled, shaking her head, and holding the boy even closer.

Just the thought of that was breaking her heart.

"How about… How about you come to my house and we can make some cookies and watch some movies until your dad's finished with all the grown up stuff he has to do." Autumn offered, it had been her plan all along but the suggestion given to Daniel would make him feel a little more in control of the situation.

"Daddy is coming back right?" he asked pulling away from Autumn, and gazing up into her eyes.

"Your father would never leave you like that Daniel, not for a single second." Autumn reassured him.

Daniel nodded, still looking sceptical before withdrawing into his seat. Autumn fastened his seat belt again before also fastening her own. Her hand rested on her own stomach self consciously as she vowed that her child would know every single day how precious they really were.

* * *

The sun was setting on the beach as he watched the turmoil, aquamarine water crashed against the sand. The air was getting cooler now, giving way to the evening as the sun sank beyond the horizon. Tim had been sitting on the beach for over an hour now, staring out to sea and thinking.

This was the spot he'd taken Kate to, for the first time after the Otis case. He remembered both of them leaning on the railing behind him, resting their arms on it as they watched the same sky line. It was the first time they had talked, he meant, really talked. The first time he'd looked in her eyes and seen the truth. The first real time she'd allowed herself to be open around him and answer those difficult questions.

Their first real kiss since she'd left. He remembered the velvet feel of her lips crashing against his. His hands combing through her silky hair as everything flooded him at once. All the love and tenderness he'd once felt surging through him as his hands roamed, her moan as he struck every single chord inside her.

It was the first time he realized how similar she was, exactly how he remembered, from the groove of her back to the way her lips parted and her tongue teased his. It was the first time he'd let is guard down.

The first time he'd slept through an entire night without be haunted by images from the crime scenes he looked at day in and day out.

It figured that even thought it was the first of many things, that it would also be a place where it became the end too.

He'd spent a lot of his time here on this beach during the months after Kate's accident. He'd mostly been soul searching. Trying to decide what was best, trying to convince himself no matter how scared or frustrated he was, that she was going to be ok, and that it would work out. There had been no option of leaving, not to him, although Tripp had taken him aside and assured him no one would think any the less of him for doing just that. He could never do that, not when she needed him.

But apparently she could, and with his best friend too. Eric had been a shining light in those dark days, filled with hope and eager to provide Speed with as much support as possible. It seemed an age away, especially with what was going on now. He wondered when this had all started, was that the reason she'd been pulling away?

"This space taken?" a voice queried, as a warm hand rested on his shoulder.

He tilted his head back as he sighed.

"I don't own the beach." He retorted, returning his gaze to the sea.

Kate dropped down beside him, her long legs stretching out in front of her as she leaned back on her hands.

"We should talk." She stated.

He could feel her eyes on him, taking in his features, analysing his expression. He couldn't bring himself to look at her.

"Got nothing to talk about." He responded, with a shrug.

"It's not what you think…" she implored.

"I know what I saw." He told her evenly.

"Yes but you don't know why…" he was on his feet and walking away before he even realized what he was doing.

She was infuriating him, insulting his intelligence with her idiot answers. Did she think he was stupid?

He almost made it to the boardwalk before her hand seized his arm and propelled his body towards her. Their gazes met. His eyes a furious, intense brown and her sapphire ones, wide open and begging.

"If I have to get you in a head lock to make you listen to me, I will." She threatened.

He almost dared her to do just that. He was pretty sure he could take her in a fight, her chest muscles were weaker than his, not fully repaired even through the physical activity she put herself through.

"It's not because of Daniel and it's not because of you." She continued.

Speedle wrenched his arm out of her grasp, his face a mask of indignant fury at her words.

"Don't lie to me Kate, you've done enough lying. Just tell the god damn truth for once." He snarled.

Kate's eyes were filling now, he could see the tears mounting up and he didn't care. He turned away as her mouth opened, no doubt to tell another lie, to cover something he knew nothing about. Well he was sick of it. He was so god damn sick…

"John Hagen raped me."

He stopped dead. The blood draining out of his body as he stood there fists clenched, trying to take the words in.

"I didn't tell you because… You deal with me so much every day, and I couldn't take you looking at me as if I was a victim. If I admitted it happened then it really meant it had happened and I just…I couldn't do that to you. Not when you'd found Daniel and you had all these other huge worries. I was trying to protect you because when I was sick you protected me but it didn't work out, everything got messed up." She conceded, her voice fading to a whisper.

Speedle turned slowly to face her; there was a sickness in his stomach clawing to be let out. There was rage, it prickled and bit at his skin, the energy charged through him. He wanted to destroy something. He wanted to destroy Hagen. Hell he wanted to kill him, an impulse that had never ever crossed his mind before Clavo.

Everything was clicking into place now. Hagen's smug smile, every time Kate walked by. His eyes on her as if to say he'd seen what was underneath her clothes. He'd always laughed it off in his head but now… It just made him hate the man more.

It made him physically ill to imagine him peeling off her clothes, worse because now he knew the truth. She hadn't been a willing participant. The images in his head were destructive and they terrified him. His chest was heaving, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from Kate's form as she stood there in the wind.

Her hair was loose now, the waves blowing against her shoulders, her arms were wrapped around herself as she gazed out to see, her chin jutting out as he realized she was struggling to hold everything in.

"I'm sorry Tim. It wasn't meant to be like this." She said, her voice carrying over the sound of the ocean.

"It's not your fault." He heard himself saying.

He sounded lifeless to his own ears. Like a part of him had been stripped away and died.

"I know." She uttered taking a step towards him.

He took a step back, and he saw her face fall. The burden on her shoulders suddenly seemed a lot heavier as she struggled beneath it. The tears were back and they were brimming in her eyes. He wanted to reach out and smooth those tears away, but he was scared. He was frightened of touching her incase it did something, in case it brought everything crashing back.

"I'm not surprised you don't want to touch me right? I lied to you about it and now all you can see is this damaged, dirty individual. The worst part is I don't even blame you. I still feel him on my skin, I still hear the words he said…" she swallowed hard, rubbing the back of her neck subconsciously. "I can't get him off my skin…"

His gaze was drawn to her arms, her top covered up to her elbows but he suddenly realized how red her forearms were. A vibrant pink associated with scalding water and a harsh detergent. Whatever she used to scrub had peeled away some of the skin.

"I don't want to hurt you." The words slipped out of his mouth, telling her everything.

He watched her reproachfully, as she stepped towards him. He could tell she was frightened. Her shaky steps and terrified expression told him that.

"I need you to stop." She whispered. "I need you to stop looking at me like a victim, I need you to look at me and stop seeing what he did and see me. I need you to touch me like you used to and not be afraid like I am."

His hands were on her arms, gently resting on her shoulders as he bent his head low his face inches from hers. He could feel her breath on his face as she closed her eyes, her expression peaceful, his mere presence soothing over her.

His lips grazed hers, lightly at first. A test as it were, making sure that this was ok. Kate's hands moved to his hips, guiding him closer as she opened her mouth and ran her tongue along his bottom lip. A gesture that at the best of times drove him crazy.

His hands moved from her shoulders, cradling her smooth cheeks in his rough hands as he deepened the kiss. He was breathing in her essence, letting her fill him up and take away all the hurt and the anger that had been building up inside him. She drew him closer, so they were pressing against each other.

It had been so long and their bodies were tingling with anticipation and adrenaline. He could feel her heart beating against his chest through their shirts. His hands were in her hair, and the way she was running her hands all over his body was telling him that she was ready, that she was more than ready.

He drew away gently, her kiss still lingering on his mouth, his arms still holding her, he never wanted to let go. His heart was rampaging in his chest as he bowed his head and simply looked at her. The apples of her cheeks were flushed; her eyes were glimmering in a way he hadn't seen since before the accident.

"You…" he said lightly, his finger tapping the end of her nose gently. "Are not ready yet."

A smile broke out on Kate's face, a rare genuine one. She shook her head, her hands clasped, resting on the small of his back.

"The body's saying yes, but the mind is saying no." she admitted, resting her forehead on his collar bone, her fingers were toying with the top button of his shirt as she leaned against him.

"You need to do something about this Kate. I can't go to work seeing Hagen, knowing what he did to you. I don't understand how you can either. I will kill him before he gets near you again." His words were cold, his tone as sharp as razor blades.

Kate could hear the reality in them. He would do it, she knew he would. Delko had told her about the gun and Clavo.

"I filed a complaint." She told him, tipping her head back to meet his eyes. "He's been suspended. They couldn't prove what he did to me four years ago, but the harassment charges, they stick so John isn't a concern of mine anymore."

He looked back at her surprised.

"That's a big step." He remarked, smoothing the hair away from her face.

"I thought it was time to take back control of my life. I didn't realize how inactive I've become. When things happen I don't deal with them I just let them pass me and I can't let that happen anymore. I need to have control again and I'm guessing telling the truth about John opened some huge flood gate, because now I'm making all these huge great, big decisions and I'm enjoying it. I'm not frightened anymore." She spoke to him, pressing her cheek against his.

Her lips brushed his jaw line before ending up at his ear. He shivered feeling her breath there.

"Move in with me." She whispered.

"Just me?" he ventured, drawing back to read her expression.

Kate tilted her head to one side, giving him a pointed look. He raised his hands defensively.

"I was just checking." He informed her, a grin breaking out across his face.

"So?" Kate prompted.

Tim crossed his arms over his chest trying to look nonchalant, despite the fact his chest was swelling with happiness.

"We can do that." He told her. "He likes your house anyway and the cat."

"Stormy." She reminded him, rolling her eyes. "The cat's name is Stormy."

"The cat, needs to stay out of OUR bedroom." He teased as the both started walking back towards the boulevard.

"You're not even moved in yet and you already think your running this show." She shot back playfully.

Tim reached for her hand, taking it in his without altering his steps. Kate entwined her fingers in his.

"We need to talk about Daniel." She said abruptly, bringing Speed to a halt along side the Hummer.

His gaze was on her suddenly, suspicious.

"I have some files I think you need to see. Their Daniel's." she said, taking both of his hands in hers. "I've hired a Private Investigator to look into Jessica's background and I've called his pre school teacher regarding statements. When you read the files you will understand why." She said, ducking her head.

"Can this wait until we get home?" he asked, troubled.

"Take all the time you need, their not going anywhere." Kate said quietly.

Tim nodded before taking a deep breath, allowing the cool evening air to filter into his lungs. Kate was back and every single time she did something like this he realized just how much she loved him.

Her actions spoke volumes, and as they sat together inside the Hummer, in a compatible silence, he realized the truth. That moment he realized that things had never really changed at all. There had been darkness, and doubts, and fear but the one thing that would never change was them.

Two souls working in sync with each other, entwined into one core.

The perfect partnership.

Just him and her.

* * *

Autumn's apartment always had a warm, welcoming feeling to it, one that greeted you the moment you stepped inside. Her and Mike between them had converted his larger, upmarket bachelor pad into something more domestic. With Autumn's touch this place had become a home, and Mike... Mike had forgotten what it was like to be a bachelor and become something more himself.

"Mike's just in the living room with Daniel." Autumn told us, drying her hands with a towel as she spoke.

Tim nodded his thanks before stepping through the hall and straight through to the living room without another word. The talk at the beach and then in the car has been one of the most open and honest either of us had, had in a long time, and news about my Jessica related exploits had shaken him. The truth was he hadn't been thinking as far ahead as I was. He'd been enjoying his son.

I felt like there was a burden off my shoulders at the same time I knew now that there was a burden on his. The rape, it still tasted bitter in my mouth to say that word, had changed things. Admitting it was helping me to move on and now there were no secrets. There was nothing to stand between me and Tim and I had taken the next step, the one I'd thought through time and time again and never had the guts to go through with.

Living together was something we were already doing, although I knew he'd had plans, once his place had been fixed up after the Hurricane to make his home Daniel's primary residence. Now instead we had our home and I was proud that that thought no longer filled me up with fear.

I caught Autumn's inquiring look as she watched Tim wordlessly step into the living room. The two of us remained in the hallway. I leaned in the kitchen door way, resting my head against the frame, arms crossed over my chest.

"It has been a long day." I submitted, watching as she put away some of the dishes she'd been drying.

"I heard." Autumn said with her back to me as she set a couple of glasses into the cupboard. "I'm glad things are resolving themselves."

I knew without her saying the words that she already knew everything. The Lab was like a gossip mill at the best of times, and Hagen hadn't gone quietly when IAB had stepped in.

"Look..." Autumn said turning to face me.

She'd been on edge eve since I'd entered the apartment, at first I thought it was because of what happened on the steps with Jessica, or the fact she was looking after her friend's illegitimate child, but I knew better than that. Autumn wasn't the sort of person to pass judgement, and I knew she would have no qualms on being straight with me.

"I want to tell you because I think it's wrong for you not to know. You are one of my closest friends and I really, want you to be happy for me." She corrected herself. "You should be happy for me."

I frowned; Autumn looked up and caught my confused expression.

"When you lost your baby it was hell on you. I know it was physically nothing compared to your other injuries, but mentally I know what it did to you. I remember those nights sitting with you in the hospital and talking about it, I remember how distraught you were that your baby never got a chance and that's why..." she hesitated. "That's why I have to tell you Kate."

Her gaze met mine evenly. One woman to another.

"I'm pregnant Kate."

I was stunned; before I knew it I was reacting on impulse and taking quick steps towards Autumn. I grabbed her, pulling her into a tight squeeze before releasing her again. I couldn't keep the grin off my face. This was the best news I'd heard in a long time. It took Autumn a minute to recover, before she studied me.

"Your not..." she trailed off.

"God no, I am happy for you. How long have you known? I mean how far along are you?" I drew back checking out her curves. "You can't be that far along."

"We think two, almost three months. One of those nights where we didn't have a condom when we first moved in." She rolled her eyes and smiled.

I found myself giggling, although nights like that felt like they were history to me, I did get where she was coming from. I lowered my voice, glancing at the living room doorway.

"Mike knows right?" I asked.

Autumn nodded.

"I told him last night..."

That would explain why he appeared on my doorstep so late last night. I looked at Autumn properly for the first time since she delivered the news. Her skin was almost glowing, she looked happy, contentment was there in her face and I knew it couldn't happen to a better person.

Both her and Mike were going to be excellent parents.

I felt his presence in the doorway behind me before I turned to face Tim lingering at my side, a very weary looking Daniel gathered in his arms.

"I think it's time to get going." He recommended as Daniel lay his head flat on Tim's shoulder.

"I'll call you tomorrow and you can tell me all of your plans." I said to Autumn, grabbing Daniel's backpack from by the door.

"And thanks for taking care of Daniel." Tim added, as Mike held open the door for him.

"We were glad to have him, have you got your cookies?" Autumn asked Daniel with a small smile.

Daniel nodded as Tim held up the baggie of cookies. Another thing about Autumn along with her singing ability, she was also a pretty awesome baker, which made me happy to no end when she used to bring baked treats to the hospital.

"Right little man, we will see you soon." Mike said holding up his hand for a high five.

Daniel reached out and clapped hands with the older man, making me break into a grin. Daniel cast one last wave to Autumn before I followed both him and Tim out of the door.

* * *

The night still was far from peaceful. It was at three in the morning when Daniel appeared at our bedroom door in tears, and as usual we broke into, what was becoming our usual routine of tackling the issue. Again Tim took care of Daniel and I took care of the sheets.

It was almost four by the time we climbed back into bed, Daniel included. Tim was worried about the effect Jessica's arrest may have had on him so we let him settle in between us. The covers pulled up to his chin, his back was nestled against Tim's chest, and he was facing me as I tentatively stroked his dark curls. His dark eyelashes fluttered closed on his pale skin as sleep began to claim the little boy once more.

"You're good at this." Tim said quietly over Daniel's head, his cheek resting on the little boy's hair.

"I'm never sure how affectionate to be. He looks terrified sometimes…" I trailed off, my gaze slipping to Daniel.

"Are you scared?" I voiced my thoughts suddenly to Tim.

He chuckled lightly, before shifting.

"All of the time, but it's a challenge and I know that the two of us can do this." Speed said, watching me again.

"It's gotta get better from here right? I mean everything kinda hit us at once." I could hear the pleading in my voice the need for reassurance.

Tim reached out over Daniel and took my hand.

"It gets better, time heals things." he stated, before withdrawing again and turning off his bedside lamp, leaving only mine to illuminate the room.

Even just laying there in the dark listening to Daniel's breathing, I knew that I was in the right place. I knew this was the meaning of the word family.

* * *

_**Howdy peeps, I'm sorry this has taken so long. My pc caught a virus, and it took my bro a while to fix it. Then I just had issues with the first part of this chapter, the person stepping into Kate's office changed from John, to Horatio and then to Eric, after four pages of Eric I decided to change it again. So it has been a very bumpy ride. Put that together with my job being almost a twenty four our thing at the moment and that's why its taken to long. So enjoy!**_

_**A special thanks to BEG 75, she has been my sounding board and a wonderful help. **_

_**Thank you to the readers of this story and please keep reviewing!**_

_Martine: I am glad your loving this story. I work really hard on it._

_BEG: lol I completely understand how hectic things are for you. RL is a real pain in the ass. Lol I was always a little unsure about that nightmare, I didn't want to push it too far. Part of Kate dealing with it is alone and t shows tat Tm and her both have separate lives at the moment. __I wanted to show Tim acing like a father, he has no idea how to do it so sometimes things feel awkward. Jessica is a complete bitch. OMG therapy was the hardest part I've never been but it's the way I imagined it to be. I love Autumn and Berny coupling, they are so sweet together and I'm glad he has more of a role in this. Stephanie and Kate were hard t write because I had this other char I'd never played with before so I had to make it believable that she would help them. Thanks for the review.  
_  
_Delko's Girl: Stephanie was the social worker, previously mentioned in the Hurricane Anthony chapter. She's the one who was handling Daniel's case and found out that Tim was his father. She knows him through Horatio because she's worked on some of their cases involving kids. I'm glad you think Tim's doing well so far and thanks for the review._

_Nightstar: lol look up Jodi Picolt - Perfect match and click images, the boy on the front of the old cover with dark hair is who Daniel is based on. He is so cute. Lol You can babysit him for them. Lol You'll have to wait and see what happens regarding Daniel. I have lots of plans. Thanks for the review._

_High Queen: lol thank you so much for actually reviewing, it's lovely to know the story is appreciated. Lol your making my blush over your comments about Kate she is my fav OC at the min, to write. She basically writes herself. Daniel was brought in a lot sooner than I intended but I got the feeling it was time, I'm glad you liked it. I have to say the thing with the baby was really sad to write. I just had to put it in there and it just showed how evil Clavo was. It was really hard to continue with that story line but I am so glad I did! If you like Kate you should try out my friend's CSI: NY story: Memories of Brooklyn. I really think you'll love her OC Sam Ross._

_Camper: lol you'll have to wait and see how that turns out. I needed people to know what Jessica is like in regards to Daniel. Autumn and Berny are a fab couple they really make me smile and they are a joy to write. Autumn is BEG' char that I borrowed. Kate's sneaky like that lol. She works on that level where she protects the ones she loves, but she will do it in a very quiet way. Thanks for the review._


	27. Chapter 27: Fearless

**AN: Warning for Smut coming up.**

Chapter Twenty Seven: Fearless

_Well you stood there with me in the doorway,_

_My hands shake, I'm not usally this way,_

_But you pull me in and I'm a little more brave._

_It's the first kiss, it's flawless, it's really something._

_It's fearless._

_Taylor Swift - Fearless_

The sun was dazzling off the hot concrete as the two men strode side by side through the Bal Harbour district. Bal Harbour was famous for being the fashion district of Miami and was home to many designer shops as well as an extensive range of boutiques.

Tim Speedle took his sun glasses of the front of his pinstriped button down shirt and placed them on his handsome features to shield his eyes from the sun. It was early in the morning and the day was already shaping up to be one of the hottest this summer. His sleeves were already rolled up to his elbows, and his jeans clinging to him as he slowed to a halt along side a glass window displaying large quantities of jewellery.

Mike Bernstein stopped beside him, his eyes flickering over each of he rings the window sported. He was clad in khaki coloured trousers and a black polo neck t-shirt. His Ray Ban sunglasses had been in place since they'd met in the parking lot further up the boulevard.

"This the place?" Speed asked, hands jammed into his pockets.

He'd been looking downcast all day, his gruff demeanour hiding something deeper. Bernstein had known him long enough to understand that there was something bothering him.

It had been over a month since the uproar had exploded over the suspension of John Hagen, and in a month a lot had changed for the two men. Both Bernstein and Speedle had been on the receiving end of some harsh comments for backing Kate's accusations. The guys who worked closely with Hagen depicted a picture of a man who was being victimized again, due to the accusations made by IAB four years ago regarding the death of Raymond Caine. Hagen was an easy target they stated.

An uneasy friction had been created between the Crime Lab and the PD. Crime scenes were awkward places where the two departments were forced to mix. Miami Dade had once been prided due to the ability of both departments being able to work as one unit. Now the divide was bigger than ever. It wasn't simply Crime Lab versus PD anymore. It was a lot more than that. There were people in the Crime lab that would refuse to associate with Horatio's team now. There were also people in the PD who refused to believe Hagen's innocence.

Bernstein had even heard of an appeal being set up to contest IAB's decision to suspend John Hagen and reinstate him back in the Homicide department. He doubted that would go very far considering that in two months time John Hagen was to resume duty as if nothing had happened.

The rape charge had been thrown out due to insufficient evidence, and there was no way Kate could prove that he'd been harassing her. It was only through Horatio's constant pushing that they'd managed to suspend John Hagen for as long as they were.

Kate had offered to leave when everything had erupted; she'd been offered a job teaching UC techniques in the Miami Dade academy. Her and Speedle had talked it out, with Horatio, and although it was as safe as you could get, they had decided against it. Forensics was where both their hearts lay and the job at the Seattle field office the FBI offered was out of the question.

So the two of them were taking the hits on the chin. And kudos to them they were resilient, Kate ignored the gossip and the comments. Speed however, responded with biting remarks and he defended Kate bitterly. She didn't deserve what happened to her and she definitely did not deserve the reputation that Hagen's buddies were giving her.

They were inside the store now; the two of them were browsing though the rings at the front of the shop.

"What do you think of this one?" Mike asked, tapping the glass with his finger.

Things had changed for him now too. Autumn was four months pregnant, a bump already beginning to show through her normal clothes, her cravings were in full throes now. Everything from late night pickle cravings to chocolate pudding and apple sauce. Each and every day he woke up next to her, kissed her lips and then kissed her small, growing stomach. He whispered I love you to her and the baby because it was important to him that they knew how he felt. He hadn't said it enough sometimes.

The assistant had the ring out now, showing both him and Speedle. The other man looked over it shaking his head as his brow furrowed, analysing it.

"The cut's awful, it looks like someone went at it with a jack hammer." Speedle remarked darkly, before pulling a face at the assistant.

Mike raised his eyebrows before turning to the next set of rings in the glass booth.

"Hearts…Just no." Speedle input, cringing.

Mike tilted his head at the other man, trying not to smirk at the assistant's discomfort over having her wears criticized.

He'd brought Speedle along because he man was a fountain of strange and oddly useful knowledge, Speedle was going to be helpful on this endeavour. Yet he was blunter than usual, there was no smile, just a sullen, sulkiness that seemed to manifest itself into his features.

"Do you need a time out?" Mike retorted raising his eyebrows.

Speedle sighed, running a hand through his hair before erupting.

"Daniel had his first day of preschool today, and it did not go well. They had to pry him off my leg, and then I felt like I was abandoning him. You just have seen his little face pressed up the glass. It was disturbing." Speedle went quiet again.

It was clear that Speedle still had issues regarding his son's welfare. He was protective of the child and he was finding fatherhood hard. All these new emotions he had to deal with were freaking him out.

"I'm sure he'll come around, Pre School is fun you get to play all day and it's probably better for his social skills." Mike pointed out.

"That's exactly what Kate said." Tim informed him moodily.

"You're being too hard on yourself." Mike added, something shiny catching his eye, he turned his head towards it.

"You have all these to look forward to you know." Tim pointed out, following Mike's gaze.

"And I am anticipating every single moment of it." Mike rubbed his hands together gleefully.

Speed rolled his eyes as the assistant pulled out the set of rings Mike pointed to. She held one up for Mike to look at. He took it from her, examining in his hands. Speedle could tell from the other man's face he liked it.

"You want me to take a look?" Speedle asked, his voice low.

Mike obliged, handing over the ring. Speed took it gently, lifting it to the light.

"The cushion cut is excellent. Two carats, the setting is nice." He commented before handing the silver circle back to Mike. "It's a wonderful piece."

"I'm glad it's passed your tests." Mike responded weighing the ring in his hand before adding his own approval. "It feels right."

He raised his eyes to Speed expecting him to criticize. He was surprised when the other man shrugged.

"When it feels right, it feels right." Speed responded.

"I'll take it." Mike told the assistant before handing the ring back to her.

"You gonna be ring shopping for Kate anytime soon?" he asked forking over his credit card.

"I already have a ring for Kate, an excellent ring, now is just not the right time." Speedle told him, watching the assistant place the ring in a rosewood box and gift wrap it.

"It's been three years now, and she dotes on your kid. I mean you love her and she must really love you…"

"I know." Speedle stated as Mike took the little jewellery bag from the assistant.

"So why?" It was at that point Mike looked up and caught sight of Speedle's expression, he rolled his eyes.

"Yea I get it man; you don't like anyone else in your shit. I get it." Mike said clutching the bag tight to him as Speed held open the door.

"So what's the plan then? You gonna take her out and do the deed?" he asked as they stepped back out into the sizzling heat.

"We're going to the best Thai restaurant in town for lunch." Mike informed him.

"I hope it works out Mike, I really hope she makes all your wildest dreams come true." Speed uttered sincerely.

"She already does." Mike confided with a smirk as they walked back towards the parking garage.

"What about you?" Mike started after a moment's silence, his voice lowered. "Everything back in order?"

Tim shrugged, staring ahead of him.

"I can't expect everything to be normal after something like that." He reasoned.

"It should be different with you, you're not him." Mike reminded his friend, noting the slump in Speed's posture.

"I don't even want to try; I don't want to freak her out. I don't want her to be scared of me." He paused. "Some nights she dreams about it and she wakes up fighting…"

He swallowed hard, turning his head away.

"I had to hold her down once because she was hitting me…" he felt sick remembering it. He shook his head. "I know that she didn't know it was me, when she woke up, she wasn't really seeing me…I won't ever do it again. I'd rather she hit me than see her expression when she realised it was me holding her down…" he trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment to reign in his emotions.

Mike's hand clasped his shoulder; it was a comfort, an unspoken bond between them.

"It gets better." Mike omitted. "If you need to talk you know you can call me right? I'm up all odd hours anyway with the baby."

Speed nodded, the knot in his throat was hurting.

"I'll do that." Speed promised.

"You can pay me in beer." Mike joked as they reached Speed's bike and his car.

Speed smiled grimly before climbing on the bike.

"Let me know how it goes. I'd say good luck but I don't think you'll need it." Speed told him, started the engine.

"I am shitting myself." Mike admitted.

"You'll do just fine." Speed winked before taking off on the Ducati and pulling into traffic.

* * *

The sun was beaming down on the flagstones in the drive way as I stood in the shade of the open doorway, watching. There was something irresistible about the care he put into washing that bike. The Ducati stood solemn and tall in the driveway as Tim used he sponge to caress it's shining surfaces. His sun glasses gleamed in the light as he scrubbed tirelessly at the machine The black T-shirt clung to him like a second skin defining every single muscle on his toned body. My eyes slid down to his jeans and the way they defined his ass. I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from moaning out loud.

It had been almost two years since we'd made love and I couldn't say that it hadn't been prying on my mind lately. The flush of heat that plagued my body were twinged with a panic I couldn't describe, every time I reached for Tim he always took one step back and I knew why. It hurt me to know that Hagen was still plaguing us even though he wasn't allowed within five hundred feet of me.

Tim was walking towards me now, kicking off his motorcycle boots as he stepped into the house still carrying the bucket of warm water and the sponge. I trailed after him into the kitchen , watching as he tipped the water water away, my eyes on his lips as he spoke.

"It looks like the garage did a good job, they fixed the dent no problem." he said, rinsing his strong hands under the tap.

There was a deep throb in between my legs, a heat that consumed me as my gaze flickered over his body, remembering what it felt like to touch and taste the skin underneath the clothes. The warmth of his flesh pressing on mine slick with sweat as he pressed inside me.

Without warning he was in front of me, frowning, the back of his hand pressed against my forehead worrisomely.

"You ok? You look flushed." he pulled his hand away. "You don't have a temperat..."

I couldn't take it any more, having him this close in proximity, his body inches way made everything inside me run wild. My fist was gripping his T-shirt, yanking him closer, the moment our lips met...

I was in heaven and I was drowning all at the same time, my tongue was in his mouth, my hands running through his thick hair with an aggressiveness I didn't know I possessed.

He resisted for a second. I could feel him torn, he jerked back trying to pull away but my grip on his shirt was too tight. His hands settled on my hips and the moment his skin brushed mine I knew I'd won.

His fingers dug into my hips as he took full control. His mouth was on mine, his tongue teased along my own, sending shivers up my spine as he bit my lip before using his lips to suck it lightly. I shuddered, my hands running under his shirt now, and tracing the firm muscles with my fingertips. We were moving backwards Tim was guiding me , his lips still on mine, tasting and teasing. A chair clattered on the tiles before the circular table hit my ass.

His shirt was on the floor, mine followed seconds later, our mouths locked back together . His skin pressed on mine causing me to gasp as his hands traced the curves of my body, his teeth grazed my throat as he snapped off the bra. His mouth descended on my nipple causing me to cry out in pleasure, head tipping back exposing myself to him.

All the tension eased from our bodies as his tongue licked a direct path to my abdomen making my hips buck at the unspoken promise. He rose his eyes to watch my face as he unbuttoned my jeans, sliding them down my thighs. His lips kissed my clit through my panties, I arched against his mouth as his tongue flicked out and and teased the hardening bud. I gasped, my hands raking through his hair as he licked and sucked at me.

I was soaking by the time he slid off my panties and rose up, his body brushing mine as he claimed my mouth again. My hand fumbled with his jeans, his fingers were rubbing my clit again, teasing my warm opening as the jeans fell from his hips and pooled around his ankles on the floor, his underwear followed suit.

I was perched upon the table now, his warm hands kneaded my thighs gently as his kisses changed becoming slow and tender. He rubbed his cock my wetness, causing me to writhe as I locked my legs round his hips.

He entered me slowly, I could feel every single inch of him as he watched my face. His eyes were darkened with passion as he moaned, savouring every single moment he eased into me.

I lay with my back flat on the table giving him more access, Tim leaned over so his face was parallel with mine. He moved slowly at first, long drawn out thrusts, his eyes were on my face looking and searching, My nails scratched along his skin as I whimpered feeling my orgasm already close. The muscles in my back tightened as he moved faster, hitting my sweet spot over and over again. I could feel the pleasure coming in waves, as my body writhed underneath him.

Tim's noises were sounding in my ears, I could tell he was close, trying to hold back his own pleasure. His name was on my lips as the orgasm erupted inside me. My muscles tightened and clenched and the noises that escaped me sounded primal to my own ears as I clutched Tim, my body wild and out of control. Tim's whole body trembled as his own climax overtook him.

We were both left spent and panting staring into each other eyes. Tim's fingertips traced my cheek as I closed my eyes basking in the contentment that filled my body. I felt at peace, like I was finally happy. My soul had lifted and my spirit healed. There was light now and I realised that the past year at least had been paved in a darkness I hadn't realized plagued me.

"I love you, you know that right?" Tim's voice was quiet and small.

I opened my eyes to see something unexpected in his face, something that resembled wonderment and awe.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and drew him closer so that our lips were almost touching.

"I know you do, and I love you Tim."I whispered.

His lips brushed mine lightly before he drew out of me. I managed to pull myself into a sitting position on the edge of the table before making the small jump off it and gathering up my clothes.

My eyes were already starting to feel heavy, exhaustion caused my body to ache as I watched Tim zip up his jeans. I stifled a yawned, trying to sort through my pile of clothing.

"You are such a guy." he laughed, chucking his T-shirt at me.

I took it gratefully, yanking it over my head so it floated around my body. Tim wrapped his arm around my waist drawing me to him. There was love in his embrace and security. His scent gave me comfort, more than I had ever dreamed.

"I'm taking you to bed." he murmured. "You haven't been sleeping well."

"Hm." I uttered, my cheek resting on his shoulder.

I closed my eyes as he cradled me closer, his lips brushing my hair line before he began to guide me upstairs.

I don't now how long he lay there, holding me between the cool sheets, but I do know I had no doubt that he would be with me forever, holding my hand and kissing away every single one of my fears.

* * *

_**Hey guys I have a lot of apologises to make for this taking such a long time. First off I had issues with the chapter to begin with, I made it too dark and depressing so I had to do a complete revamp. And then my PC caught a virus and basically died. It took my brother a while to fix it, but it's here for you now for you all to enjoy!**_

_High Queen: I couldn't let Hagen's terrorism of her go on any longer... for now anyway. Lol Daniel is a complete sweetie, I love him lol. OMG no way is it wrong for you to be jealous, I want a Speed. Lol Carm was my baby now I've got a bit more of a funner OC for NY called Mia._

_Night-star: lol I promise you that Tim will hit Hagen, which causes major issues for Berny and Autumn in the next chapter. Lol you can babysit Daniel whenever you want. Lol I have a lot of good plans for Daniel but a lot of bad ones too. Lol I'm glad you like Kate, you should see her when she gets hold of Clavo eventually, she's a total bad ass then._

_Delko's Girl: Kate's been hiding it for a long time and I thought it was time for Tim to know. Lol The Stephanie thing wasn't a prob she was only briefly mentioned. I'm glad you liked it!_

_Martine: he, thanks for your review. Kate will be able to move on ad I look forward to seeing how he family plays out._


	28. Chapter 28: Creeping Up On You

Chapter Twenty Eight

_If I had to live without you  
Nobody could  
I need to be around you  
Watching you_

No one else can love you like I do  
Feel it when I'm creepin' up on you 

_Darren Hayes – Creeping Up On You_

The night stars were twinkling through the curtains as they bellowed in the breeze. He soft whisper of the wind crept across Tim's skin as his fingers brushed the dark curls of his son's hair.

My son.

The words didn't seem alien anymore, they felt right and real. On the opposite side of Daniel Kate murmured something incoherent in her sleep and urned on her side so she was facing him, her arm tucked under the pillow as she spooned Daniel's back. The gesture was comforting an protective, and it wasn't until now he realized how much Kate cared for his son. He knew it went beyond an obligation.

The house creaked around them, Tim strained his ears listening for a noise, a sound that seemed out of place, but nothing did. He knew he was paranoid. On his bad days he jumped at shadows and read the faces of every single person on the street trying to figure out what they were up to, if they could be part of some plan Jessica had created in a bid to snatch their son.

Their son...

The one he hadn't known about until six months ago, when Hurricane Anthony had hit and his world had been turned upside down. Kate had stood by him, she'd taken the blows as he had, she'd complied the research and resources for their custody battle with Jessica.

He'd been a wreck on the day. Suffering from nerves, sickness had clawed at his stomach and he'd broken out in a cold sweat as Kate had taken his shaking hands in her own and told him to trust her.

That hadn't eased the blind fear that assaulted his senses but had helped control it more. Kate's alternatives were better than the scenarios he'd weighed in his head. Horatio had been there when the verdict was read out, Tim couldn't have thanked the other ma more for sharing the sheer moment of elation with them when they discovered that they had gotten custody of Daniel. He had taken the two of hem out for dinner and left a bottle of pre-paid champagne for the to celebrate after excusing himself.

Then the phone calls had started. Jessica wanting to talk to Daniel. After the first phone call Daniel had become hysterical with anxiety and it had taken them almost half a hour to calm him down to discover what the problem was. Jessica had promised she'd get Daniel back and then the two of them would disappear so that Tim and that fake-mom-bitch (her nickname for Kate.) would never find them.

Tim had freaked. He didn't handle threats well, and was already running through his emergency plan by the time Kate had stepped in to calm him down. Jessica wasn't going to take Daniel simple as that, because Kate had already thought ahead to this situation and prepared them.

The school was already on high alert, Daniel was only to leave with one of the several approved people on their list. Although the two of them had managed to manipulate their shifts so Kate was dropping Daniel off and Tim was picking him up. He would be in Autumn's care when Tim returned to work to finish off his shift and then they'd take him home. That was their routine.

There wasn't a chance in hell Jessica could do a snatch and grab, yet he was still paranoid, he was still watchful. Kate admitted openly while they were at the movies that she was the same.

They were both watchful in crowded places, and he knew that everyone else associated with Daniel had became like that too. Tim wondered if that would ever end, whether he'd be watching out for Jessica Daniel's whole life. He knew what drove Jessica but he didn't pretend to understand it. She was selfish, using Daniel as her own emotional stability, he doubted rehab had fixed her.

He remembered back in his own wild days, she'd been undoubtedly high the majority of the time. He was sure she'd hustled a lot of guys out f a lot of money back then, but he was not one of them.

As he looked down at his son he became glad he hadn't given her the money for an abortion, real or not because something precious had come out of their one night and Tim Speedle was damn well determined to keep it safe.

* * *

The sun was shining down on Kate as she took each step up to the doors of the Crime Lab confidently. Her chocolate colored hair was loose and carefree as she smiled, clutching a file to her chest. She was dressed in the waist high black pencil skirt and a crisp white shirt that hugged her curvaceous frame.

God he remembered what she looked like under those clothes and it made him hard again just thinking about the curve of her breasts and the feel of her smooth flat stomach as his hand had crept towards her panties. It had been such a long time since then and every night he lay in bed and used his own hand imagining it was hers.

The restraining order had screwed him over big time. He could no longer come and go as he pleased, their little occurrences couldn't happen now and that annoyed him. He knew he'd been pushy but he was so god damn desperate for her to make up her mind and chose him. She strung him along constantly. She knew he was watching, he was always watching.

It was part of the game, he understood. This was all foreplay, and eventually it would lead up to the big night and then he'd be more satisfied than he'd ever be.

"Soon." he muttered watching as Speedle and his brat greeted her.

It made him sick to see the other man touching his Kate. It took all of his self control not to get out of the car and pound on Speedle until his head cracked open on the concrete steps below them.

He consoled himself, knowing that Kate and him would be polyether again very soon. It was as if fate had planned it and if not...

A wicked smile crept over his face as his thumb rubbed across the rim of the metal handcuffs he held in his hand.

He was going to make sure he had at least one delicious evening with her.

* * *

_**Hey peeps, I'm sorry it's been so long, but my muse was otherwise occupied and I've been hell busy (that's not gonna stop.) Anyway here's a taster of things to come. Let me know what you think.**_

_Delko: Thank you!_

_History: I don't think it's . When you go on the Internet in general your bound to get struck down._

_High: lol all he needs to do is propose now. Lol I want Speedle kisses!_

_Night: lol I won't knock him about too badly. Lol I can't wait to write bad ass Kate._

_Martine: Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it._


	29. Chapter 29: The Quest

Chapter Twenty Nine

_What I'm gonna live for?_

_What I'm gonna live for?_

_Who you gonna fight for?_

_I can't answer that._

_Bryn Christpher – The Quest_

It was too early for morning rush hour traffic and for that I was grateful. The roads were thankfully clear as we zipped along in my black SUV heading to Daniel's school. In the passenger side Autumn sipped from the travel mug of green tea as I changed gear. She was eight months into her pregnancy and glowing. She was still slender, her bump only producing from the front. From the back you couldn't ell she was having a baby. A quality I envied, knowing me, I'd blow up like a balloon if I ever got pregnant again.

"Thanks again for coming to this class with me. Mike's devastated he can't make it." she uttered serenely.

I shot a smile her way before focusing back on the road.

"Hey, he got a break in his case and I didn't have any plans today so I don't mind. Besides I'm your plan B." I quipped glancing in the rear view mirror and smiling at Daniel tucked into his car seat in the back.

"You ok there bud?" I asked, maintaining my gaze on the road ahead of us.

"Yea, Matilda's mommy and daddy are mean." he told me, his eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated on the pages he was reading.

"Reading age of eight plus." I mentioned to Autumn raising my eyebrows as she whistled.

"Your gonna grow up way smarter than me Spud." Autumn turned in her seat, and gave Daniel an affection wink.

"I'm going to be a scientist. I'm going to work for NASA and help build houses on the Moon." Daniel informed her.

Autumn stared a him for a second, before Daniel continued enthusiastically.

"That way if Global Warming gets worse we have somewhere else to live. That and I think vacations on the moon would be pretty cool." Daniel added, almost dreamily.

Autumn turned back in her seat.

"He's definitely five right?" she teased, shaking her head in shock.

"Yea, he's definitely Tim's son with that mind. We've already started putting money aside so he can pick whatever college he wants to go to." I said, slowing down as I came up to a junction, and clicking the indicator to signal left.

There was a Silver Sudan approaching on the right hand side, I waited for it to slow before pulling out to make my turn.

"Mike's already been putting money away, he's decided he wants to buy us his great big house in the suburbs..."

The impact was instantaneous. The sequel of twisting metal erupted through the air as the entire car shifted. I was slammed against my door cracking my head on the frame as the car shuttled sideways. I slammed on the breaks, the SUV's wheels locked pitching us into a spin as the Sudan plowed into Autumn's side. I could hear Daniel's screaming as I fought to gain control of the car.

Our passenger side slammed into the driver's side of the Sudan rendering Autumn and driver of the Sudan's doors trapped. My vision went hazy after my head smashed into the window with enough force to make me see stars. My chest was on fire, there was a dull ache from where the seat belt had bruised.

Daniel was crying hysterically behind me. I groaned as my fingers slick with moisture fumbled with the seatbelt that bound me to my seat.

"It' s, ok baby." I murmured, trying and failing to use the mechanism of the seatbelt.

There was something wrong with my head. The world was spinning and black spots were exploding in my vision as pain cut through me. I could hear the roar of a car as it drove closer, someone needed to call the paramedics and I was grateful o know help was on he way. I twisted my head to catch a glance of Autumn.

She was out cold. The metal of the passenger side door was jutting into her body. There was blood trickling from tiny cuts caused by her window breaking on impact. The dashboard above her knees had collapsed pinning her into her seat. Her skin was pale and there was a thick sheen of sweat covering her. Her breathing was low and ragged. Her bump was pressed against the collapsed dash board. I knew that could not be good for the baby.

The stench of gas almost made me wretch as it assaulted my nostrils. It took a second for it to filter through my brain what the smell meant, how much trouble we were really in.

"Daniel... I need you to take a deep breath and stay calm for me, ok? Just take a deep breath." I followed my own advice, fighting off the panic raging inside me as I forced the pads of my fingers to stop quivering and start cooperating.

I heard Daniel's door open, a woman's soothing voice cooing as she lifted him out of he car. His screams became louder, I heard him calling my name as I managed to slam the palm of my hand on the release button of my seat belt.

"It's ok Daniel, It's ok." I mumbled feeling myself getting more and more tired. Darkness was twinging at the edges of my vision as I used my left hand to grip the door handle and my foot to gain momentum order to get my door open from it's misshapen frame.

A rush of cool air swept through, clearing my head a little as I turned to the problems Autumn was having. I hit the release button on her seat belt, and managed to loop her arms around my neck, in an attempt to pull her from under the dashboard.

I had no choice but to move her, especially with the scent of gasoline filling up the car with every second we stayed inside it. I'd managed to drag Autumn half way across both car seats, when strong hands wrapped around my waist and tugged me backwards, hurling me away from both the car and Autumn. My shoes scrapped across gravel, as I tried to lunge for Autumn.

"My friend." I screamed, struggling against strong arms. "My friend's still trapped in the car ad she's pregnant."

"She shouldn't be be here Kate. She never comes with you. It's always just you and the kid."

I spun around feeling my hackles raise as I faced John Hagen, fists clenched. I didn't want to know why he was here, or how he knew I was here because as much as it sickened me to admit it, right now I needed him.

"Just help me get her out of there." I pleaded through grinding teeth.

His hand enclosed on my arm as my head spun a little faster.

"We need to leave right now." his voice was hard as he pulled me along.

I dug my heels into the ground as Daniel shrieked my name. I twisted as John wrenched me closer. My eyes fell on Daniel struggling as a blond hair woman carried him towards a Red Corvette. The woman's face looked familiar, even my spinning head could put the pieces together.

Jessica.

I wrenched my arm from John's grasp and made a leap for Daniel, my knees buckled underneath me. I hit the concrete hard, shock reverberated through my body, the world tilted sideways for a second and I realized smoke was bellowing from the engine of my SUV.

Autumn.

My eyes were burning from the chemicals in the air. The stench of gasoline was everywhere now, it tasted sharp on my tongue as I inhaled it. I felt myself slide sideways, the rest of my body laying down across the tarmac. It seemed like a good place to rest despite the fact it was cold and brittle against my face.

John's large warm hands shifted underneath my body, he was picking me up in his arms and cradling me close against his chest as if I was child. I couldn't resist, my body was surprisingly unresponsive. My head tilted back as the darkness rushed me.

"You've got a concussion Kate, try to stay awake." John sounded far away, my brain stumbled over the words.

I tried to claw myself back into reality and found myself even more drained.

"Help them." I begged weakly. "Please help them."

"I've already called emergency services." he reassured me.

I heard the sound of a car door opening, the feel of soft leather underneath my body and then there was nothing.

**Just a quick one chicas, let me know what you think? Also play Bryn Christopher's The Quest to see why the song fits.**


	30. Chapter 30: Taken

Chapter Thirty

_I dreamed I was missing_

_You were so scared_

_But noone would listen_

_Because noone else cared._

_Linkin Park – Leave Out All The Rest_

The sight of the crash struck him more potently than the sight of any other. The feeling of dread that encumbered his body felt horrendous. By car crash standards it was barely anything, Tim Speedle had seen much worse, but it was knowing that the burnt out heap in the center of the Crime Scene tape was Kate's SUV that scared the shit out of him. He was under the yellow tape in seconds, growling at the uniform that stepped forward to stop him as he flashed his badge.

As usual Horatio was standing in the middle of all the attention, hands on the hips of his dark suit as he surveyed the wreckage. Smoke still sizzled from the SUV and the fire damaged Sudan, both drenched in water from the fire crew's attempts to salvage the cars. Tim knew the story so far and it riled him that Kate and Daniel were nowhere to be found, it filled him with images he did not want to think about.

Sirens were going off in every direction, fire crew, paramedics, cops. No one was entirely sure what happened here due to the lack of witnesses. Two cars and only one vic in the passenger seat. Where were the two drivers?

It was the question on everybody's lips. They were all sure that a cop like Kate wouldn't have walked away with his son and left Autumn , another cop, unconscious in the front seat.

"Speed." Horatio greeted as the other man stood along side him.

Horatio was the statue of calmness as he stood still and silent.. It was hard for him to pack his emotions away in a box especially when it was people he cared about so deary. Yet he knew I was important for him to look at this as if it was a normal Crime Scene. He needed to keep everyone else's emotions in check.

"Is there any sign of them?" Tim asked, breathless, his dark eyes already reviewing the scene analytically

"Nothing yet." Horatio responded, taking off his sun glasses and toying with them between his fingers. "Something about this doesn't feel right."

"Yea." Tripp agreed as he stepped up to meet the two men. "Like where the hell is the driver of the Sudan for starters."

"You think he hit and ran?" Speed questioned, staring at the open driver's side door of the burnt out husk.

"Well he's certainly not in there. According to witnesses no one saw a god damn thing until the paramedics showed up. They responded to an anonymous tip off, said a man called and alerted them to the accident." Tripp input.

Calleigh and Delko appeared besides the three of them, hefting their kits, the circle widened allowing them to join the group. It was all hands on deck and Tim was grateful for their support. The fact that both Kate and Daniel had disappeared was unsettling.

"Kate wouldn't just leave Autumn in the car like that. The paramedics said someone had made an attempt to pull her out through the driver's side door of the SUV before they got there. She was laying across the two front seats, out cold. They managed to get her out before the car caught fire." Delko relayed the information he had just received

"Hows she doing?" Calleigh asked, scrunching her face up into a concerned expression.

Delko shook his head, pursing his lips together as he spoke.

"Bernstein's at the hospital right now. It doesn't look good. Her side took the majority of the impact, she was bleeding when they manged to pull her out." From Delko's emphasis on the word 'bleeding' they all knew what he really meant.

"Those poor guys." Calleigh said sadly bowing her head.

She was saying what they were all thinking.

"She wasn't even supposed to be in the car." Tim said numbly. "Mike couldn't go to the baby class with her so Kate was going to take her there instead, they were going to make a day of it."

There was a revered silence between the group as they took this information in,. Tripp looked to Tim hopefully, his arms crossed over his chest as he studied the younger man.

"Is there anywhere Kate would go if she was in trouble? Sometimes victims in shock become disorientated, they walk away without understanding whats happened and where they are and they head towards some place that seems safe to them." Tripp explained his theory. "I've got people checking out the nearest places she'd go for help in the area but so far there's no sign of her or Daniel."

"That's not what happened here Frank." Horatio commented, walking towards a set of tire tracks on the right hand side of the road.

"They're nowhere near the accident." Frank said.

"That's exactly the point." Horatio remarked. "Someone else was here. Nine one one got an anonymous call about the accident. It took the paramedics five minutes to respond. Whoever called didn't stick around, they left Autumn to die in that car. They were also the only other person here with Kate and Daniel, and now none of them are here."

"So your saying Kate and Daniel got into a car with some random stranger?" Tripp asked perplexed, clearly not buying the theory.

"I'm saying maybe she didn't have a choice." Horatio responded, leaving the words hanging in the air above them.

That feeling of dread was back and gnawing at Speed's insides as he tried to comprehend the thought.

"The tread." Calleigh erupted suddenly, shocking them all out of their thoughts.

"When I was photographing the tread from the Sudan, I noticed something weird about the pattern. I couldn't figure out what it was because I was looking at the scene as if it was an accident." Calleigh explained leading them over towards the Sudan's tire pattern.

"It seems to stop, and start." Delko pointed out, twisting his head to read the pattern better.

"So your saying the Sudan on purposely hit Kate's SUV." Tripp responded thoughtfully.

"Yea, it looks that way. It was stopped as Kate was turning I guess, otherwise she wouldn't have pulled out." Delko pointed at the tracks before them on the concentrate. "And then it sped up again, suddenly and very fast. From their road position I'm guessing it was the intention all along to ram her."

"While she was doing Daniel's school run, which she does at the same time everyday." Horatio commented, his eyes shifting to Speed, who blanched at the realization that dawned on him.

His lips formed a single name as the others stared at him.

"Jessica."

* * *

Hagen was elated, he wasn't sure he'd ever been as excited as he was right now. The nervous feeling inside him erupted again as he pulled the car over and adjusted the rear view mirror to catch a glimpse of his lover in the back seat.

First date jitters he called them.

Kate was completely out of it. Her body was limp and still, her cheek pressed to the bottom of the leather seats as she lay on her stomach, arms drawn behind her, her face tilted up towards him. He'd positioned her the first time he'd pulled the car over. He wanted to see her face. His eyes strayed to her lips, he felt himself hardening at the thought of them wrapped around him.

He'd cuffed her, making sure the silver bracelets were tight enough to restrain her but loose enough so as not to damage her skin.

He didn't want another crash.

Yet he needn't have worried. Kate had been out for the count since they'd left the scene o the accident. He found that a little worrying at first but he reasoned that the concussion, mixed with the shock of the accident and the fumes from the gasoline had properly rendered her unconscious.

Hagen paused and focused on the black Beamer driving up now in front of him. They were parked in a secluded zone in the Everglades, not far from the Apache Casino. He knew this strip of road well, he also knew at this time of day it would practically be deserted.

The young Hispanic man stepped out of car and walked towards Hagen before opening his passenger side door and climbing in. The two of them sat in silence for a minute, Hagen took in the other man's broken nose and the burn on his left cheek from the air bag deployment.

"The crash is all over the news, their appealing for witnesses for help." Joe informed Hagen as the other man slipped him a brown manila envelope.

"There weren't any." Hagen reassured the other man as Joe emptied the envelope and began to count the cash.

"Yea I know, you were both on time, it went surprisingly smooth. The cars blowing up was a gift from God." Joe murmured as he thumbed through the notes.

Hagen's head twisted towards the other man suddenly. He hadn't been aware of that detail, him and Kate had been on the road for the past hour and a half.

"Both cars blew up?" he asked sharply, thinking of Autumn's body sprawled across the seats, her stomach bulging from the baby she was carrying.

Joe nodded, returning the cash back into the envelope.

"Four G's, and here's the key to the Crypt hombre" Joe said, handing Hagen a small silver key. "I've made sure the two of you won't be bothered."

"Did the other woman get out ok?" Hagen asked, feeling his stomach lurch at the idea of Bernstein's reaction to his loved one's burnt corpse.

Jose shrugged, taking a glance over his shoulder at the immobile young woman in the back seat.

"They didn't say anyone was dead." Joe told him, before frowning and tilting his head.

"Hey man, you sure she's ok? She ain't looking too good. I think she needs to see a Doctor." Joe commented studying Kate's complexion.

Her skin had turned deathly pale and blood had smeared across her face from a cut at the temple.

"She's fine." Hagen said turning back in his seat to face the windscreen, his hands tightening on the steering wheel.

"You sure man? Because I've seen this before after a crash..."

"She's fine."

There was no escaping the dangerous edge in Hagen's voice. Joe turned back around in his seat, wondering if this had been such a good idea right now. He had always known that John Hagen was a little crazy, ever since he'd beat the shit out of one of his homeboys for trying to screw him over on some drugs.

Now he wasn't too sure about the lady cop that Hagen had been hot for. He was all up for giving him a place to keep her but he couldn't stomach the idea of having a dead cop on his hands.

From the looks of things she was already deteriorating. His own sister had walked away from a car crash practically unscathed and dropped dead two days later because she didn't realize she had internal bleeding.

Joe held up his hands in surrender, already thinking through his next move.

"That's cool man. I gotta go deliver these passports to Jessica. You want me to pass on a message?" Joe offered.

"I've don't give a shit about her or the kid." Hagen spat venomously, his eyes already on the rear view mirror.

"Sure, I'm feeling that." Joe opened his door and stepped out of the car, he bent low before he tossed something into the passenger seat.

Hagen reached forward and picked them up, before grinning at the condom box in his hand and chucking it back to Joe.

"I won't be needing them. I like to actually feel what it's like to be with my women." Hagen informed the younger man.

Joe shrugged.

"Have fun."

Hagen reached over and clasped the handle to the passenger side door, baring his teeth as he tugged it closed.

"Oh don't worry. We will."

* * *

_**lol the muse for FK is back, and I've been writing the chapter after this. It gonna be a bumpy ride kids but I have a plan so stick with me and see how this plays out.**_

_History: Because the story needed something to shake it up and in all fairness I was in a rut and anted to get Hagen over and done with._

_Sam: thankies, I have loads planned._

_Night: You'll just have to wait and see, but I agree it's all about how though._

_Chey: You got your wish._

_Delko: lol She doesn't know he's stalking her. You'll have to wait and see!_

_Martine: lol I do too but you'll have to wait and see._


	31. Chapter 31: Decisions Of The Heart

Chapter Thirty One

_Everything was going so well  
I don't know what happened  
A smashing sound and suddenly  
I'm falling to the ground_

_Casey Stratton – For Reasons Unexplained_

The quiet room was suffocating. The walls seemed to close in on him from the second he'd sank down onto the plush seating. Mike Bernstein wasn't used to ever feeling so helpless. His knees were weak and panic fluttered in his chest as he pressed the palm of his hands against his eyeballs in hope that he'd wake up and discover that this was all a dream.

His soulmate really was having her body carved into by surgeons trying to save her life and the life of their baby. The nurse had asked him to make a decision if worst came to worse and he found it so easy to make it frightened him. No matter what happened he wanted Autumn to live. It pained him greatly to chose her over the baby.

The truth was they could always have another baby, hell they could always a adopt but he could not possibly live without Autumn, and he knew selfishly that there wasn't a chance in hell he could care for their baby without her. He knew himself well enough to know that that child would be rejected if it lived and she did not.

He cradled his head in his hands wondering how he could be facing this moment alone. His mother had wanted nothing to do with him after discovering he was keeping the baby he'd conceived out of wedlock. It wasn't about the fact he wasn't married to Autumn, it was the fact that she was white.

His father, and Autumn's parents had passed away some time ago. He knew the other were busy at the scene, trying to piece together what had happened. He knew it was important for them to find Kate and Daniel, especially when there was nothing more they could do for Autumn.

There were no hard feelings about the accident, a least not yet. He knew it wasn't in Kate's nature to have taken Daniel and ran. There were so many things that didn't make sense and he had so many regrets.

He wished he'd been able to hand his case over, he wished he trusted John Hagen enough to actually turn up for work and run with this lead instead of calling with something more important at the last minute.

He rubbed his gritty eyes with his hands.

It wasn't fair to blame Hagen, despite the fact he openly detested the man.

The door to the quiet room opened and Bernstein rose his head expectantly, the dread rolling around his stomach.

Tim Speedle shut the door behind him, his dark eyes studying Bernstein as he stepped towards him. Bernstein rubbed his hand across the top of his head as Speedle dropped down besides him. The two of them didn't speak for a moment. Speedle clasped his hands together, his fingers knotted as he pressed them to his forehead, his eyes closed. Bernstein looked at his own hands, his resolve breaking as he spoke the words he'd been frightened of saying since Autumn had been admitted.

"I think I'm going to lose her."

Bernstein's eyes began to burn as he spoke, he clenched his jaw and drew in a deep breath.

"Autumn's really strong." Speedle said, rubbing the bridge of his nose trying to relieve the tension in his head. "And so are you."

Bernstein swallowed hard, he bit his bottom lip before putting his hands on the back of his head and staring up at the ceiling.

"I picked her over the baby." He submitted into the restless cool air.

Speedle bowed his head and nodded.

"I would have too."

The silence stretched between them before Bernstein spoke again.

"Is there any sign of them?" he asked quietly.

Speedle ran his hands through his dark curly hair,before shaking his head.

"People can't just vanish, Kate can't just vanish like that, she would have left some clue, or a mark or something." Speed said out loud.

Really he was voicing the worst possible ideas that flitted around his head. Maybe Kate couldn't leave a clue, and that made him consider why.

"If Jessica just wanted Daniel she wouldn't have gone to the trouble of taking Kate. Kate would be harder to deal with." Bernstein reasoned. "She would have just left her at the scene."

Speedle put his head in his hands.

"Kate has some ties to the Mob, back in New York there's a pretty big tag on her head." Tim submitted, pursing his lips together.

"You think Jessica's buddied up with someone?" Bernstein asked thoughtfully.

"I know there's no way she's taken Kate, she wouldn't be able to handle her." Tim responded honestly.

"Which means someone else has. The Mob are the only ones with motive." Bernstein concluded.

"There's someone else." Tim said quietly, gazing down at his hands. "I think it's awfully strange that John Hagen hasn't shown his face in the station house since Kate's been missing."

"Hagen's deranged but to actually take Kate?" Bernstein shook his head in disagreement.

"He's done it before." Tim said softly.

"That was opportunity. Kate was already there and drunk." Bernstein reasoned. "This was planned, Hagen doesn't do planning otherwise we would have seen evidence of it, stuff like stalking or something."

"I think there's more to him than that, I think there's a while other level to him we haven't seen yet. I think the restraining order pushed him over the edge. He couldn't touch her anymore, he couldn't speak to her. I bet that drove him crazy." Tim responded angrily as he thought about the other man's hands on Kate's body.

"I'm saying you need to be sure about this." Bernstein fixed Speedle with a stubborn frown. "He's a cop. You need to have evidence to support that theory, and if you get it..."

Bernstein's gaze shifted to the shadow of a nurse walking past the shaded window. His voice dropped an octave as he thought about Autumn lying helpless across the front two seats of the car as it smoked and caught fire.

"I'll bury him."

* * *

The airport was packed, people were breezing in and out, carrying hold alls and dragging carry cases. Miami International had been Jessica's choice of airport. She was taking the kid to Mexico in three hours time and had paid a ridiculous amount to have his forger get them done on such short notice. Joe hadn't questioned how she'd gotten the money, just that she had it.

The airport were already on high security alert on the look out for the names Jessica Wilks and Daniel Speedle, so the passports were under the names of a mother and son he'd stolen from this afternoon. They were excellent fakes, his forger was one of the best.

It was the kid he spotted first, the dark eyes and curly dark hair were unmistakable, just as the child's expression of woe as he sat across the table stabbing at his milkshake. Jessica sat across from him, her newly dyed black hair glistening in the light her face buried in a gossip magazine. She was paying no heed to her anxious child.

This was a bad idea, Joe thought as he approached them. He'd been lulled over by Jessica's begging and pleading, and eventually the money. She'd told him the father was abusing the kid and she'd lost the court case because him and his girlfriend were cops.

He'd been thorough a similar experience when he was a kid, hence why he'd finally decided to participate in her idea, now he could see she had played on a story he had told her one night when they were high.

It wasn't right. His stomach twisted and his insides suddenly felt horribly wrong. Just like they had when he'd seen the lady cop sprawled out in the back seat of Hagen's car. He already knew what Hagen was going to do and for some reason it knotted his stomach.

Joe didn't like cops, he never had but that lady cop reminded him of his sister Lori, and the thought of her being locked in a cold dark place, possibly bleeding to death inside, hit him hard. The only reason he'd participated in Hagen's end of the bargain was because the guy had threatened to take him in on trumped up charges. He knew Hagen had planted a kilo of heroin on Jimmy G, when he'd refused to give him an alibi four years ago after the shooting of some Undercover Cop.

Jessica was waving to him now. She was beaming as he stepped towards her automatically. He wasn't sure what he was going to do but he had to do something. This wasn't right and that little boy sat stirring his milkshake was wrenching at his insides.

Jessica and him embraced, the envelope passing between them and sliding into her pocket as her lips brushed his cheek.

"Both passports are there." he whispered, before they drew away from each other.

"Is the coke..." she murmured

"Tucked into the first passport." Joe informed her, taking a step back.

"It's just a little something to tide me over. I'm such a nervous flyer." she giggled, before taking off towards the bathrooms.

"Hey, what about the kid?" Joe called after her, irritated with her behavior.

"You watch him for a sec." she said blowing him a kiss.

Joe exhaled deeply through his nose, knowing an opportunity when he saw one. He slid into the seat across from the kid. Daniel watched him reproachfully before reverting his gaze back down towards his chocolate milkshake.

"Hey kid, who'd you like better? Your mom or your dad?" Joe asked quickly.

Daniel rose his head to meet Joe's eyes.

"My daddy, he always reads me stories, and takes me to cool places. I want Kate and him to get married so she can be my mommy." Daniel confided in the tall colored man.

Kate...

The name of the lady cop Hagen had taken.

He had made a terrible mistake.

Joe rose to his feet, Daniel followed his ascent with interest, especially when Joe crouched down next to his seat. The older man pointed through the crowd at a uniformed customs officer.

"Kid, you see that man in the uniform?"

Daniel nodded.

"He's part of the airport police. I want you to go over to him and tell him you've been kidnapped and who you and your dad are. Tell him your mom is in the bathroom doing blow..."

Joe paused as he rooted through his pockets for something.

"Is he going to take me home?" Daniel asked as Joe withdrew a folded piece of paper out of his pocket.

It was a map of the Cemetery where the Crypt was. The place was old school and hadn't been used in decades. Joe used it for holding his drugs sometimes. He'd drawn a map for Hagen, who had scoffed at the idea.

"Yea the police man will take you back to your dad." Joe confirmed.

"And Kate?" Daniel questioned, his eyes wide and puppy-like.

Joe sighed.

"Your dad's gonna need to find her." Joe passed the folded map to Daniel. "When you get to your dad or whoever is in charge, I want you to give this map to them and tell them this is where your lady cop is. Tell them it's urgent and they need to hurry. You got that?"

Daniel took the map and put it into his pocket. He climbed off his seat, Joe helped him put his backpack on before urging the kid in the direction of the Customs officer.

"Thank you." Daniel uttered before taking a brave step into the crowd.

"Just tell them about the map. Don't forget." Joe reminded him.

"I won't." Daniel promised before being swallowed up by a group of English tourists.

Joe made for the nearest exit, leaving Jessica's bag and purse clearly on the cafe table, hoping and praying that the kid would make it home in one piece.

_**Hey, thanks for all the support you've given me with this story. This one's for you guy! Enjoy!**_

_Science: Thanks for the review I'm glad your loving it._

_Maddy: lol thankies so much, your reviews make me smile loads!!! I started watching Miami reruns too!_

_Martine: Kate loves Daniel, it' s like the son they would have had if she hadn't left Tim._

_Night: lol I have more for you!_

_Delko: What will become of Kate? Lol_

_Sam: lol he's creeping me out too!_


	32. Chapter 32: Tales Of The Crypt

**AN: Rated M for mature themes!**

Chapter Thirty Two

_I cried out with no reply and  
I can't feel You by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know  
You're here and I'm never alone._

Barlow Girl – Never Alone

It was dark. The cold bit at my skin as I grunted into whatever my face was buried in. The material was silky across my face, it took my a minute to realize I was lying on my stomach. It took me two to realize that my hands were restrained. The metal dug into my wrists as I twisted and fought the panic raising in my chest.

Handcuffs, without a key there was no way to get out of them.

There was pain all over, it shocked me to the core, causing me to gasp as I manged to roll onto my right side. My mouth was dry, and tasted strange. I ignored it and tried to focus all my body parts in order to gauge the damage. There was sharp pain in my abdomen, making it hard to catch my breath. My arms ached, and there was a stinging sensation on my forehead.

My vision swam for a second as I lay on my side panting. Shortness of breath was never good.

It was lower down that hurt the most. A persist dull ache and a worse unmistakable stickiness around my upper thighs and vagina. I swallowed bile as I realized that the worst was yet to come.

I wasn't wearing panties...

I always wore panties.

The draft from somewhere unknown was lapping at my chest. I clenched my jaw willing myself to look down and confirm what I had all along suspected. The white blouse I was wearing was open, my navy blue satin bra on display. The leather belt, that harnessed a metal Sun shaped belt buckle was missing and the top button of my jeans was popped, exposing my naked flesh. My boots had also been taken.

The acidic taste at the back of my throat tanged across my tongue giving me enough time to clamber on my knees towards a bucket that had been placed beside the sleeping bag. My stomach heaved, I held my body rigid as I threw up, my breath coming in short gasps as I tried to get a grip on myself.

I had been violated, and now I was left helpless and waiting for more.

I forced myself to breath through my nose and exhale through my mouth. Calming breaths, my therapist's voice reminded me. The fear and the panic fought me until I forced my tense muscles to relax.

I needed a cool head to evaluate the situation and then to formulate a plan.

I slumped back onto my ass, making sure the sleeping bag was between me and the floor, my back to the wall. The pain in my abdomen was getting worse and my chest was beginning to burn along the bottom of my rib cage.

Injuries from the crash most likely. The head trauma was probably concussion.

The word sparked off something in my brain, my memory twanged, throwing forward a voice and words to go along with the images.

"_You've got an concussion Kate, try to stay awake."_

John.

John had taken me from the site of the crash, he had left Autumn to burn to death in the front of the SUV, he had let Jessica take Daniel. My eyes burnt with salty tears as I wondered what had happened to them. Was Daniel gone? Had Autumn and her baby died?

I choked on the sob in my throat. Now wasn't the time to cry, I told myself as the tears trickled down my cheeks. The desperation and helplessness remained heavy on chest. I had to push past it if I wanted to survive. John wouldn't be able to keep my alive, I was dying.

Slowly but surely those internal injuries would get worse and worse and I knew there wasn't a chance in hell he would take me to the hospital. I'd die alone as his plaything.

The horror of that idea sent my body trembling.

My eyes searched the confines of my concrete prison, it was eight by eight, just bigger than most cells. The whole structure was made of stone, no electricity, no heating. The only light was coming through cracks in the stone, and it was dim at best.

I'd been in a place like this before, or at least somewhere similar. My fingers grazed the walls behind my back as I closed my eyes trying to use my senses to trigger the memory I needed.

The high school shooting, the place where the kids had kept the guns, the body of hat kid on the floor.

A crypt.

My eyes snapped open at the thought. The place was made of lime stone, not concrete. Old lime stone. My fingertips were coated in dust.

Maybe someone would notice it on his suit, then it occurred to me that John wouldn't be stupid enough not to change his clothes.

I drew my knees up to my chest and pressed my forehead to them trying to ride out the pain that was stabbing into my guts. I coughed suddenly into my hand, it took moments for my throat to clear, and when it had I found myself starring down at he top of my shirt. Specks of blood littered the white linen. I knew what that meant.

It was at that moment it struck me how ironic it would be for me to die here. I let out a disturbed, hoarse laugh that echoed through the Crypt.

My prayers had been answered.

I was literally going to die before John Hagen ever touched me again.

* * *

Speed was running, the pitter patter of his shoes as they hit the tiles echoed down the long hallway, alerting people to his sudden motion. His cell phone was still clutched in his fist as he headed towards the front doors of the Crime Lab. People darted out of his way as he erupted into the dazzling sunshine, throwing the heavy doors open.

Horatio was walking up the stairs towards him, sunglasses protecting his eyes from the harsh sunlight, Tripp flanked the red haired man, a small smile spreading across his lips.

Daniel was clutching Horatio's hand squinting up at the building ahead of him, his dark eyes fastened on his father standing at the top. Tim descended the stairs stunned, feeling a sense of elation filling him. He reached out to the little boy, unable to believe he was really there.

Daniel released Horatio's hand throwing his arms around Tim's neck as the older man scooped him up and clutched the little boy to him. Tim buried his face into his child's shoulder, clasping him tightly, as the fear and the panic ebbed out of him.

"Daniel." he repeated over and over, patting the child down looking for any sign of harm.

"I'm ok Daddy." Daniel uttered, touching his father's face lightly.

"How did you find him?" Tim asked the two men in front of him.

Tripp ruffled Daniel's hair affectionately.

"Hes definitely your kid, he managed to get away from his mom and go to the Customs guys for help." Tripp informed Tim, who stared down at his son in awe as Daniel nestled into his chest.

"He's also given us a clue into finding Kate." Horatio informed him, holding up a folded piece of paper. "He says a man gave it to him, it's a map of a cemetery. Kate's being held in a Crypt there."

"He was brown." Daniel added helpfully.

"Do we know which cemetery?" Tim asked, hope suddenly raising in his chest.

Tripp shook his head as Horatio spoke, before dismissing himself.

"We will though." Horatio answered looking troubled

"Speed we need to talk." Horatio uttered, guiding Tim and Daniel back up the steps towards the Crime Lab. "IAB are involved."

Tim's head twisted towards Horatio as he shifted Daniel in his arms.

"Jessica had a partner, the only name she can give us is Joe. He was the one that put her in contact with the person that took Kate." Horatio said calmly.

"Your saying she gave you the name of another cop." Tim stated, his expression becoming a blank mask as he battled his emotions.

Horatio paused and bowed his head.

"It's Detective John Hagen."

He went cold, his whole body seized up with the implication of that name. He knew exactly what it meant and it sickened him to think that he had been right.

"John left ten minutes after it became known to us where Daniel was." Horatio murmured.

"He's gone back to Kate." Speed muttered, taking a deep breath to steady himself.

"We found some things in his desk we'd like you to identify." Horatio said quietly.

It was the tone in the other man's voice that shook Tim, something was wrong.

"What things?" Tim asked stonily, trying to switch off the dread that pooled deep within him.

"I think it's better if you take a look inside." Horatio said gently.

Speed stopped suddenly, his stubborn streak setting in as he dug his heels into the ground and fixed his gaze on the older man. Horatio took a photograph out of his interior pocket and handed it to Speed.

The color drained from the younger man's face as he handed the photograph back, his hand shaking. Daniel sensing his father's distress, stroked his hand across Tim's stubble as he spoke hoarsely.

"The panties are hers." he struggled to get the words out.

His voice was rough as he held Daniel close and buried his head in the little boy's shoulder. There were tears glistening in his eyes as he cleared his throat painfully trying to regain his composure.

"Speed I'm sorry."

There was nothing else Horatio could say to ease the younger man's pain, all he could do was vow that Hagen would pay dearly for his crimes.

_**Woot I thought I'd post this as a little birthday treat, so you guys would have something to enjoy too. Rocking out to No Doubt on my new Ipod Nano!**_

_Lori: lol at least Daniel is safe!_

_Sam: lol some of them do have hearts._

_Delko: You'll have to wait and see what happens._

_Martine: you'll have to wait and see what happens with her._

_Science: Thankies for the review._

_Night:lol this is a birthday one. I'm glad you like!_


	33. Chapter 33: Means To An End

Chapter Thirty Three

_Watching me, wanting me  
I can feel you pull me down  
Saving me, raping me, watching me _

_Evanescence - Haunted_

The break room was quiet, the sound of Daniel's heavy breathing was the only thing that broke the silence as Speedle sat there rocking his son's sleeping form. His hand ran through the child's curls almost absentmindedly as he stared into space.

This morning he remembered his fingers trailing over Kate's porcelain skin as she slept. He remembered how soft her skin felt underneath his lips as he'd kissed her goodbye. He did something similar every morning because it was important for her to know how he felt.

He wished he'd driven Daniel to school this morning.

His stomach was turning at the thoughts running through his mind, it was early evening, Kate had disappeared this morning. Hagen had had a lot of time with her, between then and his return to the station house. It made him feel sick thinking about what he could have done in that time. The evidence had stared him straight in the face when Horatio had shown him that photograph.

Things had clicked into place after that, walking past the other man in the hallway, the smirk across his features when he'd shoved past Speedle, his hand in his pocket.

Kate's panties in the top drawer of John Hagen's desk.

The whole thing made him feel violently ill.

Delko lingered in the doorway, watching his friend as he cradled his son. He didn't envy Speed, he couldn't imagine what it must feel like to be in that position. Kate as strong he knew hat, he knew hat Hagen had violated her before and he knew hat she would need help. He knew from his sister's own experience what a battle that would be.

He also knew the only that Kate would be able o sleep at night was if Hagen was in the ground. The fear would haunt her every step and her life wouldn't be her own if he lived.

Yet Horatio had out a stop to that plan when he'd banned both Delko and Speedle from attending he scene. They were too close, and Horatio knew that they would sooner end Hagen's life than let him live.

He decided to lighten the situation, they needed a little good news right now.

"Bernstein called. Autumn's out of surgery, they said it was touch and go for a while but she'd going to pull through." Delko spoke breaking the tension in the room.

"The baby?" Speed asked, his eyes on Daniel's sleeping face as his fingers combed through his curls.

Eric took a step into the break room and closed the door behind him.

"They had a baby boy, he's a few weeks early so he's in an incubator but he's healthy." Eric informed the older man.

A ghost of a smile crossed Speedle's lips at the news.

"I'm glad their ok." he murmured.

There was a silence between the two of them before Eric spoke.

"They're taking a team to the graveyard now."

"Yea I know."

"They're taking Calleigh."

Speed cleared his throat, the expression on his face betraying them.

"They'll probably need a female." he agreed.

"Horatio won't let me go, he thinks I'm too involved, he thinks I'd lose it." Eric submitted as he stopped down into the seat next to Speed.

"Eric, me and you are very different people but when I comes to the people we love...You wouldn't hesitate to bullet in his brain anymore than I would."

Speed's words rung true as Delko hung his head. After Marisol had been attacked the rage had lingered, even after the guy had killed himself. It was the reason Delko had become a CSI.

"He deserves worse than that." Delko hissed.

"I just need her to be ok." Tim uttered, rubbing his hands over his face. "But I know Hagen, he wouldn't be able to resist a free pass."

Eric said nothing as he simply stared at his cell phone clutched in his hand.

"Calleigh said she'd call when she had news." Eric murmured."So now we just sit and wait."

* * *

The temperature was dropping, there was a distinct chill in the air signaling the end of the day and the beginning of the night. I coughed again, a wet, chest wrenching cough that made my chest rattle and my heart pound.

The pain was getting worse but it was bearable. At least for now.

There was a rustling from outside. The sound of someone moving through tall grass just outside the Crypt. I felt my stomach drop, as a bolt was forced back, creaking with exertion before the door swung open.

A shadow stood in the doorway, tall and lumbering. Wide shoulders like a quarter back and a large body. I struggled to my feet, managing to get into a position on my knees before boosting myself up on the soles of my feet.

"John." I said calmly, facing the man in front of me.

Behind him the door was swinging shut again, banging against the stone. The skyline was turning o dusk and heavy gravestones rutted out of the earth. Like I suspected the grass was long. Old school graveyard, there weren't that many in Miami.

"Kate, we have to leave."

Direct and to the point. His hand was outstretched towards me. His expression one of expectation, He thought he owned me, he thought we were partners in crime. Bonnie and Clyde as it were and I could use that.

It took all my will power to step forward. My eyes swept over John's huge body, taking in his gun nestled into his holster underneath his suit jacket. My arms were still pinned behind my back so there wasn't a chance of trying to get hold of it.

"I missed you." I murmured, it was the only way to keep the real emotions from bubbling over and out of my mouth.

John's fingers caressed my collarbone and glided down my neck to the groove between my breasts. I forced myself no to flinch at the sudden connection, I thought of Tim as I endured it for those long few seconds. John shook his head suddenly, remembering much more important things at stake.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to come back." he said sincerely, using both hands to re-button my linen shirt so I was fully covered.

I drew the line at asking him to fasten the buttons on my jeans. I didn't want him ever straying below the belt.

"That's ok, your back now." I said with a forced smile.

John looked comforted by this and beamed as he held up a small set of handcuff keys.

"Turn around." he told me, miming the notion.

My heart erupted in my chest at the possibility of being free. I complied eagerly. John's large hand fastened on my right wrist tightly as he undid the metal bracelet.

"You know I forgot you had such a hot ass until before." he spoke into my ear.

Bile clawed at my throat. I drew in a deep breath and exhaled through my mouth, fighting to keep calm.

"Put your hands in front of you." he ordered.

I did as I was told. He clipped the metal bracelet back onto my wrist so quickly there hadn't been a chance for me to act. I tested out my maneuverability my rotating my wrists and lifting up my arms under the pretense of stretching. Having my hands cuffed in front of me at least gave me options. I wasn't entirely helpless any more.

"It's just a precaution." John told me, his eyes slinking down to the open button of my jeans and the exposed flesh that resided there.

"I understand." I told him, leaning in closer.

John's hands came to rest on my hips, my face inches apart from his. His eyes were on mine as I pouted.

"Tell me what you need me to do Kate." he panted a little, his fingertip digging into my soft skin.

"I need..." I hesitated, drawing out the anticipation. "I need you to kiss me."

His lips were on mine quicker than I expected. He was dominating and bruising. His tongue thrust into my mouth as I moaned with encouragement. My hands were already slipping inside his suit jacket and wrapping around the grip of his Colt as I flicked the holster open. My body rubbed along John's, his hands were clawing over my breasts now, I pushed my knee between his legs. He thought I was trying to get closer...

I kneed him in the groin with as much force as I could possibly muster. I expected him to hit the deck, instead he sagged against me causing me to teeter off balance for a second. The gun was trapped between us. I caught a glimpse of his face before jerking backwards away from him.

John rose his head, his expression a mask of fury as he lurched towards me. My heart beat wildly in my chest, God only knew what he would do to me. There wasn't even time for a warning.

I focused the gun on him as he was nearly on top of me, and then I pulled the trigger.

The roar of the firearm erupted through the air almost deafening me as the door slammed open and the room exploded. John was already on his back, clutching at the blood sprouting from his chest in surprise. I stared at him, unable to think, feel or move as flashlights blinded me momentarily.

The gun slipped from my fingers, bouncing onto the concrete, as voices assaulted my senses. Strong arms were holding me up as my knees failed me and a warm jacket draped around my shoulders. I didn't realize I was shaking until I looked down at my hands and found myself unable to control the trembling.

My wrists were suddenly free, and large freckled hands took mine gently as Calleigh's arm wrapped around my waist to support me.

"Your ok, Kate."

Horatio's voice flooded my senses and suddenly I wasn't abstract anymore. I was right here in the middle of everything, feeling trapped and riddled with pain.

"I need to go to the hospital." I whispered, meeting his gaze, seeing understanding and kindness.

There was no pity and I was grateful for that. Between Calleigh and Horatio they guided me outside of the Crypt. My cheeks flushed red in humiliation at the sight of so many people outside, people I worked with and they all knew what had been done to me.

Tears were coming now fast and thick, I was absorbing everything as we dodged through tombstones and towards the main gates of the blackened cemetery. All my control was drifting away only to be replaced by horror.

I don't remember getting into the ambulance, I was surprised to find myself wrapped up in a blanket curled in the furthest corner as Calleigh sat next to me talking in low soothing tones. She was trying to convince me to let the paramedics help, it took a while for me to agree, and only with the promise that she stayed and oversaw everything they did.

Calleigh took my hand in hers and uttered the words I needed to hear.

"I'm staying right here with you."

Then with my permission the paramedics began the evaluation.

* * *

_**Hey guys here's the conclusion. Let me know what you think.**_

_Sam: lol I thought it was better that Kate killed him._

_Delko: SO am I, poor kid!_

_Nightstar: lol and poor Kate hasn't been wicked. Thankies._

_Martine: lol thank you!!! You'll have to wait and see._

_Science: Thanks for your review._


	34. Chapter 34: Bittersweet

Chapter Thirty Four

_All my thoughts are with you forever,_

_Until the day we'll be back together_

_I will be waiting here for you_

_Within Temptation - Bittersweet_

His head was in his hands. He could feel the blood pounding in his temples as his fingers clutched at his hair, attempting to distract him from the words that were uttered. His eyes were burning, unwanted tears were escaping from the corners and he couldn't bring himself to look up at the doctor as he spoke. He only listened.

It wasn't real, this whole day could not have happened. It shouldn't have happened. The evidence was there. Kate's burnt out SUV, Bernstein's child in the ICU along with his fiancée, his own Kate lying in a hospital bed, fresh from the surgery that had stopped the internal bleeding.

He felt like someone had gutted him. John Hagen had done this, he'd stuck his hand into Speedle's chest grabbed his heart and twisted until the pain was unbearable. Tim allowed himself this moment to break down. He was allowed a time to fall apart and freak out, to rant, rave and cry because he knew after this moment he'd have to be the brave one because Kate would not be able to put together the pieces of her broken life.

The sexual assault kit had been positive. Calleigh had tried to break the news to him as gently as she could but she had not been prepared for the wrath of this defilement. She had not expected him to put a hole in the wall of the hospital waiting room. His fist was aching, the nurse that had checked had proclaimed his hand bruised instead of broken.

"Can I see her?" he murmured.

Doctor Carmichael looked down at the younger man, a kind expression on his features as he stood along side Horatio clutching the clipboard.

"She hasn't come out of the anesthesia yet, she's still unconscious. She was lucid when she went in for the surgery but we're unsure of what to expect when she wakes up."

The three of them understood that he was talking about the attack. They were unaware of the psychological effects, how she would be handling it.

"Her body and mind has undergone a lot of trauma. We were lucky that it was only her appendix that was ruptured during the crash, we managed to stop the bleeding into her lungs but it's the other the other damage we are concerned about."

The lower tearing, she'd been bleeding between her legs, bruising on her thighs and hips. She'd had a concussion, it had turned more severe because it had been untreated. Tim reeled off the ailments in his head like a grotesque tick list. They'd had to take samples from Kate, even though the bastard was dead they had to violate her further to ensure he had been the only one.

Tim pursed his lips together, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. He was struggling at the moment against the emotions that crashed down on him. The past twelve hours had been the most terrifying of his life, he wasn't sure he had the strength to keep his urgency below the surface, he knew he was starting to lose control of his temper. He needed to make sure she was ok, that she was back with them and it wasn't some mistake.

Doctor Carmichael watched the young detective's turmoil. He's always had a strong relationship with the MDPD, and Horatio had gone out of his way to help him out a few times after his wife's death when his daughter had gone off the rails.

"You can see her... You can stay there until the anesthesia wears off and then we're going to have to evaluate the psychological trauma." Doctor Carmichael informed Tim.

He rose to his feet unsteadily, feeling bile rise in his throat. His stomach was jittery with nerves. He wasn't sure what to expect and that scared him.

Horatio stretched out a hand and clasped his shoulder. The motion was calming, Tim took a deep breath before turning to face the other man, clearing his throat gruffly. He had showed far too much vulnerability and he resented the fact it weighted on him the way it did, but his words spoke he truth. The desperation peaked in his voice.

"Will you stay?"

Horatio's stormy blue eyes met Tim's. There was so much of his own emotion's reflected in Horatio's face. Anger, relief, fear, all of them. He knew there wouldn't be a chance in hell that this would go unpunished. Hagen's reputation and anyone else involved would be destroyed.

"I'll be waiting right here." Horatio reassured him.

Tim nodded his thanks before steeling himself mentally as he followed the Doctor towards Kate's room.

* * *

"I thought I'd come see how you were doing." Calleigh's Southern accent serenaded Bernstein as he stood beside Autumn's bed, his eyes on the tiny incubator along side it.

"Good... Better now that they're both out of the ICU, it was touch and go for a while there." Mike told her, without looking up from the sleeping baby.

He was in awe, his son was a tiny creature with latte colored skin. He was wrapped int a blue blanket with a little blue hat on the top of his head. He wondered how Autumn and him had made something so perfect. It hurt that he couldn't hold the little boy, he wanted nothing more than to cradle the child in his arms, and kiss his nose.

The Doctor's had old him that premature babies usually weren't quite adapted to the outside world. That they needed extra care to help them make the transition. As far as Premature babies went, their's was as healthy as they could hope given the circumstances.

Calleigh smiled a little, her hands behind her back as she leaned over the incubator catching a glimpse of the new Baby Bernstein. She thought it was a miracle that the little boy had managed o survive the crash and was glad that both him and Autumn were out of harm's way. She was happy for them, but she had to admit part of her wished that she had been at this stage in life. They were both so happy together and the baby, Calleigh knew would be loved.

"He looks just like you." she said, tilting her head to get a better look at the bundled baby.

"He has Autumn's eyes." Mike informed her proudly before dropping into the seat besides his finance's sleeping form, looking suitably exhausted.

His white and beige shirt sleeves were rolled up past his elbow, his suit jacket hung off the back of the chair as he rubbed his eyes wearily.

"Have you chosen a name yet?" Calleigh asked, straightening up and turning her attention to Mike.

"Micheal, Micheal Jordan... I wanted the Jordan and she wanted the Micheal." he told Calleigh who laughed.

"Like the basketball player." she murmured, her face intent as she examined he baby. "I can't believe he's so small."

"He's half a month early, but the doctor's say he's doing well considering." Mike told her, rubbing his hand over the top of his head.

"What about Autumn?" Calleigh asked, raising her eyes to study the sleeping woman.

Autumn looked peaceful as she slept, her auburn hair was splayed across the pillow, her head was resting on her shoulder. Her delicate hands were resting on her stomach, a sign Calleigh knew of insecurity especially since she knew what lay underneath the sheets.

"She's sleeping off the meds from the hysterectomy. She'll be out of it for a while." Mike confided, his fingertips stroking Autumn's arm. "We didn't even have a chance to talk about more kids."

There was a sadness there that Calleigh understood. Mike had had to make a split decision an he'd chosen Autumn. She knew that weighted heavily on him, especially since the complications caused by the crash had force the surgeons to remove Autumn's womb after they had saved the baby.

"There's always adoption, surrogates, fostering. There's a whole range of other options." Calleigh offered.

"We didn't even get much of a choice and that's the worst part. If Hagen wasn't already dead I'd have killed him myself." Mike snarled venomously.

"You'd be stuck behind a long queue of people." Calleigh conceded, feeling her own rage simmer beneath the surface.

John Hagen had a lot to answer for. His actions were those of someone with a severe mental instability, after searching his home and his desk the full extent of Hagen's obsession had come to light. He'd been stalking Kate for a long time.

They had found pictures of her scattered around his house. In every single picture Kate never looked at the camera. She'd been gardening, chatting on her cellphone, closing he curtains, day to day things and Hagen had created a collection out of her life. It wasn't right she thought, it wasn't right that nobody had noticed.

"I heard there's a video." Mike said breaking the silence between them.

Calleigh wrapped her arms around herself feeling suddenly very cold as she leaned against the wall by the door frame. She'd seen the tape, her and Horatio had watched every minute of the images that moved before them. Calleigh tried to distance herself from it, but maintaining a professional distance was hard when you were seeing your friend being violated. She'd been sick afterwards, every time she thought about it bile climbed up her throat. She could taste the acid in her mouth.

"We haven't told Tim, I think the two of them knowing that would tip everything over the edge, they're barely hanging on as it is." Calleigh said quietly, bowing her head.

"Hagen was a fucking sick bastard." Bernstein snarled. "And fucking Jessica should be given the needle."

"Tripp interviewed Jessica with Stetler, she said Kate deserved everything she got for turning Daniel against her." Calleigh told him, shaking her head. "She knew what Hagen was going to do and she encouraged it."

"I hope she rots in hell." Bernstein growled before turning his attention back to the baby. "Is Tim doing ok?"

Calleigh tipped her head from side to side indecisively before responding, there way no easy way to answer that question.

"He's hanging in there." she said finally.

Bernstein bowed his head, knotting his fingers together.

"We wanted him and Kate to be God parents, but now it seems all wrong to ask them." Mike admitted quietly to Calleigh.

"Give them time." Calleigh advised. "What you've all been through... It puts things in perspective. I know they'll be thrilled if you ask them."

Bernstein looked up at Calleigh meeting her gaze, he couldn't see the future. He had no idea how anyone expected them to move forward when everything seemed so dark right now.

"Yea?"

"Cross my heart." she told him, pacing her hand on her chest before taking a step towards the door.

"I have to write up the Ballistics report for this." she said, her hand resting on the door knob "But I'll be back later with booties and hats for the little guy."

"I appreciate that." Mike said warmly, rubbing his hands over his face.

"Is there anything you guys need from your apartment?" Calleigh offered, car keys already dangling from her finger tips.

"Some spare clothes?" Mike requested.

"For both me and Autumn, there's a bear on the bed..." He trailed off, bowing his head.

"I'll grab it." Calleigh told him before ducking through the door.

If there was one thing you couldn't fault Calleigh Duquense on it was the fact she was always there for the people she loved.

_**First off I love the song I used for this chapter, and I definitely think it fits. I'm now rocking out to AC/DC while cleaning my room sigh*. Anyway thanks for all your support with this story. It's been hard to write at times but you guys make me smile with your reviews.**_

_**I have a whole week of work and amongst helping out with all th stuff hat needs doing before my mom's 50th party on Sat I will be writing my ass off!**_

_Hist: I hope you love this chapter. I'll keep trying to surprise you!_

_Delko: This story is far from over, it's the end of this section. I thought it was karma that Kate should kill Hagen I wanted to show she wasn't helpless even when she was in that situation._

_Sam: Thankies,there was never a chance in hell that she was going to let him touch her again! But she knew she had to use her body to get close._

_Night: lol Kate saved herself in a way, but I'm glad the guys were there for her._

_Martine: They can, thing don't go away that easy but she can do what she needs to to move on._

_Science: thankies, this chapter is more of an info chapter._


	35. Chapter 35: Save Me

Chapter Thirty Five

_But can you save me  
Come on and save me  
If you could save me  
From the ranks of the freaks  
Who suspect they could never love anyone_

_Aimee Mann – Save Me_

The room was small, how it managed to contain everything he didn't know. The bed was in the center, next to it a small pine hospital standard night stand and alongside the bed a sturdy metal chair. An IV dripped a clear liquid into Kate's arm.

She was curled up on her side, the blanket covered her whole body. Kate's dark hair was splayed across her pillow. The blanket was wrapped around her tightly, her hands were in it clutching it to her chest.

Tim couldn't believe how lonely she looked, how vulnerable she was. He'd seen her sleep like this before, but she'd never looked so fragile.

"I'll leave you two alone." Doctor Carmichael said softly, before closing the door behind him.

Tim strayed to the chair, his hand gliding along the back of it before dropping down into the seat. His hands ran through his unruly hair. He wasn't sure what to do. Could he touch her? Should he?

His fingers reached out and trailed along the back of her hand, across the veins and pale skin. Her fingers flexed suddenly and clasped his hand, scaring the crap out of him.

"I'm awake." she murmured through closed eye lids. "Drowsy but awake."

Tim's fingers curled around Kate's. He was surprised she wanted him to touch her, but he didn't question it. There was a bond between them that could not be broken, and he thought he knew what she needed.

"I didn't think you'd want to touch me." she told him, tears sliding down her cheeks through closed eyes lids.

He wished she'd open them, he wished she'd let him see those beautiful sapphire eyes. His fingers trembled as he reached out and and let them caress the soft skin of her cheek, over the bruises caused by the crash.

"I thought it was the other way around." he confessed, leaning in closer as he used his thumb to wipe away small tear drops.

"You know?" she asked, Tim clenched his jaw already knowing the question to come. "You know what he did?"

He couldn't bring himself to speak past the lump in his throat, instead he squeezed her hand tighter. Kate's eyes opened as he closed his to draw breath, to pray for strength. It hurt badly to know what had been done to her, to see her like this.

"I don' remember... I only remember afterwards. I remember waking up and knowing..." she trailed off, giving way to a choked sob, holding the blanket up to her mouth to stifle it.

Tim scooted closer in his chair, his heart breaking as watched her fall apart. She was processing and this was a side effect, there would be more side effects. There would be dreams and nightmares and fear, but he could deal with that. He would deal with whatever came their way.

"Is there anything... Is there anything I can do? I'm not good... I don't know..." he trailed hopelessly.

His hand cupped her face, his rough skin was a sense of comfort as she nodded.

"Can you just hold me right now?" she asked her eyes wide, baring her vulnerable soul.

Tim gave her the smallest of smiles as he rose to his feet.

"I can do that." he murmured, sliding off his shoes.

Kate shuffled backwards, he could tell her body was still in pain as she winced. He climbed onto the stiff hospital bed, resting so he was on his side facing her. She looked up at him frightened and unsure. Tim made the first move, his arm wrapped lightly around her waist as he pressed his body along the length of hers.

Kate's head came to rest in the crook of his neck, her hair tickling his cheek. His hand massaged up and down her back, her ear was next to his lips, he wasn't sure why he did it, but the words from an old lullaby his mother used to sing came back to haunt him. He found himself murmuring it into Kate's ear as she snuggled closer trying to lose herself in the safety he gave her.

"I thought I was going to die." she said after a while, raising her head to meet his eyes.

"I'm glad you didn't." he said looking down at her.

"I didn't want you to lose me." Kate told him, her lower lip trembling.

"I could never lose you." he whispered. "Your a part of me Kate, Your a part of my heart and your a part of my soul."

She pulled her hands out from between them and wrapped her arms around his neck. Their faces were inches apart. The proximity was startling. Tim couldn't think, or breath as he stared into her eyes. He could only feel.

There was heat between them, his body was wound up tight from the sexual tension. He felt nauseous, knowing that the lower part of his anatomy was stirring, but at the same time there was the primal urge to claim her, to make her his own again.

Tim hoped that Kate couldn't feel it, that she was too wrapped up in everything else to realize that it was his raging hard on and not his leg that was pressing against her stomach. He wanted to draw away but wasn't sure how to with out frightening her.

Kate bit on her bottom lip, he saw the smile twitching at the sides of her mouth and he knew that she knew and he felt mortified.

"At least I know I'm still attractive." she murmured, her gaze sweeping downwards.

Tim felt his cheeks flush red as he buried his face in her hair.

"I'm sorry." he muttered feeling utterly ashamed. "I know that its not ok, but my body is pretending it is."

"It is ok, it's natural...I'm glad." Kate said softly.

Tim pulled away from her shoulder to study her face. She didn't look like she was lying. Her hand smoothed over his shirt, he could feel it's warmth when it came to rest over his heart.

"It means you don't see me as a victim and I need that. I need things to feel like they can go back to normal, and this..." she said grinding against him a little until he gasped. "is normal."

"That was mean." he said, half serious.

"I like knowing that I can still do that to you..." Kate informed him, before curling up, her head resting on his chest.

Tim's hand slid to the back of her neck, his fingers lightly caressing the sensitive skin there as he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I love you Kate." he murmured, inhaling her scent.

Kate closed her eyes and held onto his shirt tightly, scared he would leave her if she let him out of her sight.

"I always need to know that Tim."

* * *

_**Okies Thankies to BEG for helping me with the last and possibly the final chapter of FK, it is true I am evil.**_

_**Anyway you guy get to vote on this, because I can't decide. The next chapter I have written can go either way. SO let me know what you think, you can wait to read the next chapter if you wish? I'll add it tomorrow. Honesty please.**_

**_The poll is on my profile!_**

_Delko: lol she's totally like that Cal is. I think if the story continues it would grant her peace._

_Mart: defo, she needs that._

_Sam: Me too and she's a bad ass._


	36. Chapter 36: The End Is Near

Chapter Thirty Six

_We walked along a crowded street  
You took my hand and danced with me  
And when you left you kissed my lips  
You told me you'd never ever forget these images,_

_Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover_

The wedding was underway. The ceremony was set for the late hours of the afternoon, and already things had started going wrong. Speed pulled up outside the glamorous hotel, hands resting on the handle bars of the Ducati as he put his foot down to steady the bike and switch off the engine.

He straightened up, stretching out his back from the thirty minute drive over here. He loved the bike but it could be murder on his body.

"You alright?" he asked Kate, watching through tinted sunglasses as she hopped off he back and ran a hand through her tangled hair.

Kate turned to face him a small smile across her lips.

"My hair's a little worse for wear but you know how much I like taking a ride on the Ducati." she said unzipping her leather jacket to reveal a white gypsy style top..

Speed sat back and watched her peel the leather off before letting his eyes rove her body. At thirty she was still energetic and athletic. Kate had always been slender, but there was more muscle now, most of it toned. Her legs were shapely under the tightness of her denim jeans, he found himself staring at her ass, exhaling deeply as she bent over to pick up her backpack, and swing it over her shoulder.

He knew he shouldn't... Well he thought he shouldn't. Kate it turned out didn't care. She said it made her feel more attractive knowing he was looking at her that way.

Twelve weeks, for some reason was killing him. He'd lasted two years when she'd been injured by Clavo Cruz, but for some reason now he didn't last five minutes. Cold showers had become a regular relief for him, especially after spending the morning playing the make out game with her.

It wasn't that they shouldn't make love, it was the fact Kate physically couldn't. Hagen had done a lot of damage to that area of her, and it had taken this long for it to heal. Tim was patient, and understandably so but it was weighing down on him.

Knowing that another man had touched her, been inside, her made him red hot with jealousy. The primal instinct was there to make her his own just as it had been back in college whenever a guy came onto her, but now it wasn't like that. There were too many emotional issues involved.

Kate may not remember every sick, horrific detail of the things Hagen did to her but she knew the basics. She knew she'd been violated, she remembered being kidnapped and held for a day with internal bleeding in the dark. She couldn't sleep without a lamp on anymore. She wasn't a fan of confined spaces and she would never be able to wear a bracelet again, watches had to have leather straps not metal.

He'd discovered all these things in the past twelve weeks and he was quick to accommodate them. She told him she felt stupid having a night light so he'd switched back to the lamp. He knew never to surprise her from behind, or never to grab her wrist. He knew making a sudden movement in her direction made her flinch as if she'd been slapped. He knew that's what Hagen had done to make her comply, he'd floored her with a blow to the side of the head, her cheek had been stained with his hand print for weeks.

"Will I get to see the bride later on or do I have to wait for the wedding?" he asked as she sashayed towards him.

She was still aware of her sexuality and she used it at every chance she got with him. He thought part of her wanted to make sure that he was still interested. That the lack of actual sex wasn't boring him. She kept him plenty entertained with oral sex after the stitches had healed. She was almost her old self, and he liked seeing her face contort with pleasure, her body writhing underneath his mouth.

They never went any further than that, the one time they'd tried...

Tim did no want to think about it. He'd never wanted to see that expression on her face again, or hear her begging him to stop. He never wanted to see those tears rolling down her cheeks as she fought him. He'd tried to hold her down to stop her freaking out, to comfort her and then he'd realized...

He'd made it into the bathroom in time to throw the toilet seat up and vomit his guts out into the bowl. He hated the idea that he had done something like that to her, hated the fact he reminded her of Hagen.

It had been her who comforted him in that situation, it had been Kate that had made the first move. She had ventured into the bathroom and sank down on her knees beside him as he choked and sobbed with shame. Her arm had wrapped around his waist, her cheek pressed on his back as she soothed him. Her fingers had combed through his hair, her words reassuring.

"Most likely at the wedding. There are too many things I need to sort out, and she needs to get her hair, nails and make up done." Kate told him, leaning in and resting her delicate hand on his knee.

Speed brought his own large hand up so it cupped her face, their lips inches apart. Kate was watching his mouth as he spoke.

"What about you?" he asked, his thumb caressing along her jawline.

"You will see me ." she confirmed, kissing the tip of his nose, before placing a light kiss on his lips.

"Will Daniel be ok with Alexx?" Kate asked knowingly, as Tim brushed her hair back away from her face.

"I think he'll be just fine. He likes playing with her kids." Tim reassured her.

They were both protective over Daniel since Jessica's attempt to snatch him and steal him away to Mexico. Kate was the one that spent the most time with him recently. She quit CSI a month after the attack. She could never settle, she was always on edge, and she'd started taking anti-depressants. The scenes were too much for her.

Her first case back was a murder and sexual assault. It had left her quaking in the ladies bathroom with Calleigh rocking her like a child. In the end she saw the case through but it was her final case with CSI.

The FBI had snatched Kate up straight away after that.

She refused point blank to do field work, she went into the Miami field office as a lecturer. She taught U.C tactics and became 'guidance counselor' to the individuals that needed someone besides their handler to talk to. A month in and she was enjoying it.

Kate was a legend in the FBI. She kept her medal hidden but Tim knew she earned it. He'd looked her up after she'd gotten back into Miami, but he never knew where she kept them. She wasn't proud of it and in a way he knew she should be. She'd given up a lot of her life for a shiny piece of metal, she didn't want it flaunting in her face.

"I have got to go." Kate drawled, her lips lingered on Tim's again.

She tasted sweet, her kiss was tender and soft. He loved her, he loved this. He wanted to marry her. The ring had been sitting in his jacket pocket for over a week now and he still hadn't found the right moment to take that leap.

He'd almost done it the other night. He'd watched her, curled up on Daniel's bed with Daniel, reading him stories from a Roald Dahl poetry book. Daniel loved Roald Dahl, he always had, long before he came to Kate and Tim. Seeing him and Kate wrapped up in a blanket, reading by lamp light, all giggles and smiles it meant something. He suddenly felt at peace, this was his family. All of this was his.

Kate had fallen sleep reading with Daniel as she did most nights. Tim though she was trying to over compensate for the fact she hadn't been able to help him during the crash. Apparently her therapist felt the same.

"Hm, maybe just one more minute." she uttered, pressing her lips to his.

Tim wrapped his arms around her, his hands were running through her dark hair as he poured his heart and soul into that kiss. She needed to know how he felt, and this was the only way he could show her. The only way he knew how.

He drew away, feeling his heart racing in his chest as he rested his forehead against hers and cradled her face.

"I love you." he murmured looking into her bright sapphire eyes.

"Always." she uttered with a wide smile.

Tim had always thought she had the most amazing smile, she had the best laugh he'd ever heard. It made him want to laugh too. The best thing about her was she as always there, always sincere.

"You know it can't stay like this for ever right?" Kate said quietly. "You have to let me go."

Speed's body jerked at her words before he buried his face into her shoulder, clutching her petite body tightly to him, inhaling her scent. Her body was warm against him, he could feel her soft skin and her loving caress as she held him close. It felt real to him, everything oh so real.

"If I let you go then I'm admitting that your gone. And I can't do that right now Kate, I can't face that." he mumbled, feeling his chest start to wrench and twist, he knew this couldn't continue, but how he prayed it would.

Kate placed her small hand over his heart, he wondered how it felt under her fingers. Did it feel like it was breaking? Like every thud was it's last?

"I'll always be right here Tim." she whispered, tapping a slender finger against his solid muscles.

"I need you to stay." he told her, trapping her hand over his heart with hers. "I need you to live for me."

His eyes were stinging now, his throat was burning with the lump of emotions that stifled his breath. It was tearing out his heart, he could feel part of his soul dying as he held her.

Kate took a step back, untangling herself from his arms, from his need and in the end from his grief.

At that moment he saw her for what she really was. A broken, violated woman, whose body was twisted up in the sheets of a hospital bed. Wires jutting out of her skeletal frame like lingering extensions of her soul.

"I can't Tim." Kate said softly. "I'm already dead."

_**Go reviewers! Run and vote! **_

_**The next chapter can be one of two things, either her funeral or Tim waking up after having a major reaction to all the stuff he's had to deal with.(this will contain a major freak out and a Sudoku book)**_

_**Be honest and let me know, I look forward to writing both.**_


	37. Chapter 37: Family

Chapter Thirty Seven

Fifteen Years Later

The gravestone was white marble and predominant. The words engraved into it were italic, and fine chiseled. The grave before the stone was well kept. Whenever Daniel came here there were always fresh flowers in the holder. He'd never seen any dead ones. He knew his father came as regularly as he could but he didn't know who else it was that put the flowers down. Sometimes he'd bend down and touch the cards, check out the messages.

Jose and Reggie, he didn't know who they were but there was always lilies from them at least once every year. As there yellow roses from someone called Gabe. He knew his aunts and uncles came occasionally, when time allowed.

He bent down on his hunches and began to make space for his own flowers. Today was his mom's birthday and now just like he did every year he came and put flowers on her grave. His fingers reached out and smoothed over the edges of the writing on the gravestone.

_Kate Callahan._

The only mother he'd ever known, the woman who'd showed him a mother's love. She'd fought for him, she'd protected him, and when he'd needed her, she had comforted him. His memories of her were vague. He had been young when she had died. He remembered the smell of jasmine as she cradled him close. He remembered the dumb books she used to read with him in bed. He remembered her love, her warmth, her comfort.

His father had told him that her death had been sudden. One minute she was in the hospital demanding he go back home and get her fuzzy, warm pajamas and the next she was gone. His father had never told him all the details. Daniel thought they were too painful for him to actually relive.

His father had told him that his mother had been brave, and stubborn. She had stood up for her values and she had never been afraid to show her feelings. She had never backed down.

Daniel had looked his mother up when he was sixteen, he'd gone on the web and googled Kate Callahan, and been overwhelmed by responses. Most of them were newspaper articles. He'd started with the earliest and worked his way forward. And at the end what he had seen...

He had confronted his father about the reality of his mom's death, he'd never seen his father cry before as he told the story. Daniel had felt sick afterwards, knowing what had happened to his mother had given him a new edge. Knowing that she had killed her murderer had helped him. All the bravery his father had talked about had been real and it lived on inside of Daniel, day in and day out.

Her final cause of death was a massive internal hemorrhage. Doctors had managed to stop the bleeding during surgery but the stitches had not been enough and her womb had ruptured after his father had left, he'd returned to an empty bed and sheets that were still glistening with vibrant red blood.

His father missed his mom badly. He still carried her photograph in his wallet. Although he'd buried the engagement ring with her, he had never married since. There had been few casual dates that Daniel could remember but nothing that stuck. As far as his father and himself were concerned, Kate had been his wife.

"Hi mom it's me. Happy Birthday." Daniel murmured with a small smile, as he rearranged his flowers. "Dad will be coming later, he's trying to fix up a few things at the lab. Wolfe's got some sort of problem again..."

Daniel rolled his eyes, since his father took over the Crime Lab he'd been dealing with issues left right or center. Sometimes it was the Fed's trying to muscle in on a case, other times it was personal issues with the newbies. Ryan Wolfe was one of the older CSI's, along with Natalia Boa Vista, they'd been having problems with their oldest child recently.

"I'm back at the U, and I'm being fast tracked for NASA." Daniel told her excitedly. "Dad says I should finish my education for now, I've only got another year left. I think he's right. It would be pointless dropping out now and NASA can wait."

He wondered what she thought of that. Would she have agreed with his father? Or would she have pushed for NASA? Daniel thought probably university. Both his father and her had gone to Columbia. It was where they had met.

"Uh, I kinda... I kinda have something else to tell you mom." Danie was sitting down on he grass now, playing with elastic that had held the flowers together.

He'd grown tall and broad like his father. His dark hair was longer than his dad's, but it sill had th same thick and unruly curls. There was no mistaking that he was Tim Speedle's son.

"Something I haven't been able to tell Dad yet."

He knew his mom would probably be all ears if she was sitting up there listening to him in heaven right now. She was the one he would have gone to with this sort of stuff. The one who would help him understand what he was feeling.

"I'm gonna ask Jill to marry me." he hesitated. "I know we're both young but I love her mom. There's no one else I wanna be with. It's like when dad met you, he said he just knew. There was none else he should have been with after that. It's like that only I wanna tell dad but you know how he is."

He knew his mom was probably up there nodding her head in agreement over his father's stubborn streak.

"Maybe he'd say you need to wait a few years before you think about getting married." A gruff voice said from behind him.

Daniel didn't need to turn around to know that his father was standing right behind him, a bouquet of flowers resting in his hand. Daniel knew he'd heard everything.

Daniel tilted his head up skywards, his mom always had a way of making sure him and his dad talked.

_Thanks mom._

_**So despite the voting I think this was an adequate ending for FK. The story as I reminded in one review, was never about happy endings. It was about two people's struggles to love each other again.**_

_**If people prefer I can do some happy ending one shots if you want. Let me know through your reviews.**_

_**Thanks to everyone whose reviewed and loved this story. It's been hard work, but I fell I love with Kate as a char from the beginning. Just like Speed did.**_


	38. Chapter 38: The Message

Chapter Thirty Eight

_**This is just a quick message to all you guys and girls. The one shots are up! But I have been thinking about writing an alternative to the story. Let me know what you think through your reviews.**_


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